Lesson 061 ~How to Say ‘Anything’~

Not so much a goodbye, more a see you later, because I’m looking forward to the new world and the commute is killing me, what I have a lot to say to make believe people but I need more. How to Say Anything like what I want to say even if it’s fiction

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Lesson 061 ~How to Say ‘Anything’~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and no more long talks, I’m sure you can use the break and so can I, of course, I’ll spare you the platitudes as if I had any to offer, it’s not you, it’s me or something like that. I can’t say I have much experience in this area, what breaking up, no talking in general which is what this lesson should be about instead of one long goodbye letter.

Not that this is goodbye at all, I’m not leaving you high and dry, but it probably sucks to say I’m expanding my horizons and I don’t expect to pull a “Lily Aldrin” I intend to stick with writing, here we are at 61 days and counting. If I could write one poem a day for a year then I should be able to do this you would think and I still have my novel that is sorely in need of editing. Tomorrow begins the time of “Sapphire” which seems prudent to begin my new path, my new course of action and I will be sharing that with you obviously.

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
― Ayn Rand (1905 – 1982)

The thing is while I’m damn near an expert on what not to say, which is why I prefer silence, I’m not exactly sure how to say what I need to say, other than just to just write and even then? For the record, keeping with the “How I Met Your Mother” motif, I’ve been thinking about pulling a “Tony Grafanello”, you know when he wrote “The Wedding Bride” but wouldn’t that be revisionist history? I told you about The O.C. that fictional book “A Season for Peaches”, I’ve been down that road before and I wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of that endeavor, probably.

So I tell you goodbye to long talk, the gist for today but what else is there to say, even if most days I’m just a big box of gibberish. That’s not going to change tomorrow, now it will just be some more fictional gibberish maybe, at least creatively speaking.

“I… I promised a friend I would say hello to you today.

Please say hello to me.

Please say hello to me.” I Am Legend

Honesty has never been the best policy; I mean unless we’re children because children are gifted fearlessness but adults, I was just telling a friend that suddenly people want to get to know me, spooky? Take the movie “The Invention of Lying”, maybe I should lay off the pop culture but that’s just my point, why can’t I just say what needs to be said truthfully.

“I give the truth, scope!” – A Knight’s Tale (2001)

The truth is the straight and narrow path, as straight as any line I dare to come up with, and maybe that’s telling, most of my titles are four words, my rules are five, or maybe I’m reading too much into this. How about the idea that I’m not a caveman, one of my rules but then again, it was the cavemen that got us to this point wasn’t it? You can also say people are always talking about action over words but some words lead many to “regrettable” actions.

Honestly, though I feel good about taking my writing so seriously, even if I am just talking to myself, just this morning I was thinking about my novellas, short stories, whatever they’re going to be, my novel, and I even want to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. Of course, those are just words I need to act and I will at least with my blog, even now I’m excited but also nervous hoping I can keep this promise to myself to actually do something. How to make a promise, now that is something I should learn how to do, I mean years ago it was just, another and another poem, and I committed without saying anything at all really.

Maybe I should look at it, as being a child again, you want the truth, yeah I snitched on some guys today and why did I do that, there was nothing in it for me. I know something you don’t know, isn’t that just like up in this day and age, we all want to tell what we know, to explore, to discover, that hasn’t changed “An Undiscovered Me” right.

“There’s nothing as pure and as cruel as a child.” Cowboy Bebop, Pierrot le Fou

So back to the lesson how to say anything, okay you want to know how to make friends, at least if you’re me that is, this is how it goes.

Don’t say anything, people fear the quiet the way I fear noise so they will do anything to fill it and by remaining silent, you can make them do all the work, part of the reason I snitched today, but that was actually me working and them talking so there’s that. If you give people a word they will jump on it like a starving dog, but what they’re really feasting on is you so make sure to get plenty of bed rest. Also, keep in mind to let them form their own opinions of you, never speak your mind, friend to pervert in 60 Days or Less, book idea…

“Go for it” “You can do it”? That’s not inspirational, that’s suicidal. If pickles goes for it right there, that’s a dead cat. These are lies. We’re liars. Think about it. Why do people buy these things? It’s not ’cause they wanna say how they feel. People buy cards ’cause they can’t say how they feel or they’re afraid to. We provide the service that lets them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let’s level with America. At least let them speak for themselves! Right? I mean, look! What-What is this? What does it say? “Congratulations on your new baby.” Right? How ’bout, “Congratulations on your new baby. Guess that’s it for hanging out. Nice knowing you.”

Sit down, Hansen.

How about this one, with all the pretty hearts on the front? I think I know where this one’s going. Yep! “Happy Valentines Day, sweetheart. I love you.” That sweet? Ain’t love grand? This is exactly what I’m talking about. What does that even mean, “love”? Do you know? Do you? Anybody?


If somebody gave me this card, Mr. Vance, I would eat it. It’s these cards, and the movies and the pop songs, they’re to blame for all the lies and the heartache, everything. We’re responsible. *I’m responsible.* I think we do a bad thing here. People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not you know, some words that some stranger put in their mouths. Words like “love”… that don’t mean anything. Sorry, I’m sorry. I, uh… I quit. I’m… There’s enough bullshit in the world without my help.” – from 500 Days of Summer (2009)

One of these days I have to learn how not to apologize, yes this makes me a hypocrite better forgiveness than permission but even now I still feel that twinge, stuff that I feel guilty for, regret, stuff that isn’t my fault etc. Maybe I could just stop doing wrong but who am I “Dante” strange I could be perfectly find hiding in my room not saying anything and I would never do anything wrong and still wind up going to Hell isn’t that right?

I say I love you to Braxton and I prove it, I say I love myself by trying to make things better rather than just surviving, I sound like one of those people that will be repeating that in the mirror. If I need three little words learn how to say I am brave, I am worthy, I am needed, I am here, I am alive, I’m still breathing, and a few choice words from my novel as well. I haven’t given up trying to learn how to talk to people, I’m still trying every day, though, for the most part, I need to relax.

“Thou art courageous.” The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

So what have we learned today Lady Lu, other than I’m not good at good byes and that tomorrow will be a new world, I think it’s time to time to learn, and maybe I’ll know “How to Say Anything”.

I Will Have No Fear
“Cause you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can’t live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer” Tonic

400 Words from here on Lady Lu, Good Bye Friend

Kid Rocks

What’s my age again, what’s my age again, wait that isn’t heavy metal but all people have it in them literally, or on them, and I suppose I’m only getting heavier at my age. Kid Rocks, because am I growing up, I wanted to be an astronaut, help Atlas.

Stoned, however, it’s known
as heavy metal plays on my phone
I know I must be a pain

for Atlas carrying the Earth
Perhaps a sapphire is to blame

Because all that glitters is not gold
or silver, diamonds, and I was told
It doesn’t matter what’s in a name

A stone will crush us all the same

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.


Bard from Light

Everything that can be said and not said, release the beast if we lived in such a place but with Donald Trump and others whose to know; even the written word is not safe. Bard from Light, maybe because the crazies have white rooms hmm

And we make our swords
into seven billion cages
while our flags become the pages
so that others will never know what rage is.
Love is several slamming doors

as with our eyes wide shut
we can’t live out loud.
Fahrenheit 451 and how
do we get out
one more war is never enough

when all the good men are gone, the gods, the knights
yet we can never cleanse our souls or purge
Who wants to converge
on a graveyard, but, yes ma’am, yes sir, and her
the lion sleeps tonight

So where is the light?

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 060 ~My Work Release Program~

This is not a test but it’s also not an emergency either, however, I did have a bit of a release today a sigh of relief as of sorts but who knows what tomorrow may bring, the days of Sapphire. “My Work Release Program” no life should be a prison

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Lesson 060 ~My Work Release Program~

“You know the funny thing about morphin’? You don’t appreciate it till you can’t do it anymore!” – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995)

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and I never thought I’d say this but work was actually liberating today and no I don’t mean my dream job but the day job for once. Of course writing is a sense of freedom which is what I told “Okay” though to be honest I’ve been terrified, still am in a way but how many times have I quoted Cypher Raige, to you Luna.

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity Kitai. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.” Cypher Raige, After Earth (2013)

Work is Hell but when it’s all you know… am I grateful, money, security, indeed life as I know it, maybe it makes sense to keep my mouth shut you know? I said once it wasn’t fear that was holding me back but maybe common sense, and I don’t know where I’d be without it, embracing a fear to actually combat a danger that is quite real. My father is that danger and while I hope one day to be fearless and face that danger, I will stick with freedom.

This type of freedom at least, where would I be without it… well, it’s been sixty days since this new beginning, truth be told I wish I had kept my mouth shut, and in the days to come, I will. No, I’m not abandoning you again Luna but I’m onto bigger things, not necessarily better but bigger, if I’m ever going to get anywhere in this life. When I’m talking to you or truly writing, I don’t know whether I’m signing my own death sentence or this is truly my liberation, it could always be one in the same right?

Anyway, this is today’s lesson, work, and release; isn’t that the dominant way, you’re given power for that gift you give something in return and then let go of everything and you and yours are much better off. Maybe you just throw yourself in prison willing only to be released and what happens to most after they released, they wind up going back, easily enough.

“Thank you, but I prefer it my way.” Andre Baptiste Sr., Lord of War (2005)

Sometimes you hang on to something so long, you forget how liberating it can be to just let go, if anything it depends on the thing but I got a lesson in that today, not to mention I’m getting older. My mom would tell me I have a tendency to take my “grievances” out on those who never erred, and I agree to a certain extent, that’s not right but we talked about the experience.

For example, I was so angry with someone today, maybe I was just tired and hot, and hell I’ve been on edge as of late. So anyway I’m leaving, and just sitting in my car and this person says I dropped my shirt, seriously that was it, I said thank you, went and retrieved my shirt from the street and all my anger just left, okay I was cooling and resting but environment considered, I made the choice to let my anger go. Why was it so easy, time heals all wounds… ten minutes sheesh, that’s like a record for me, and the world didn’t end, of course, there is always tomorrow, the day after?

“Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.” – Ralphie

That’s the problem isn’t it, the moment you let go, the moment you think the lion sleeps is when you become grade A beef. Talk about having some beef right, but if it helps any wasn’t Facebook started because a guy had a grudge and why do you think so many horror movies are just monsters with axes to grind or trying to live again? How would it feel if everyone just let all that “energy” go, why do you think that society spends so much trying to numb us?

We are given the energy to work, and when we’re finished, whatever lives inside of us, I don’t know, but as they say, hearts were given cages for a reason, and brains are surrounded by white walls. I don’t think I’m alone in my reasoning but that’s part of the reason I’m here talking to you because what people think.

Anyway I am breathing a bit easier, can’t get soft though, can’t think everything is okay and at the moment the tea is helping, I’m becoming a big tea drinker now. This is yet another one of those times though I wish I could be a typical guy, sports, drinking, women, yet another reason I’m a writer… seriously am I even starting to write all these reasons down at all.

As I said I’m getting older but not much has changed, when I was back in school, I’d do whatever, then come back and just pass out, sleep has always been my number one go to, except for “Senseless” but that only lasted a day. What would it truly be like to just let go of everything, sleep just puts it on the backburner and here’s another thing if I let it go today it will still be there tomorrow because people are people. Maybe it’s not so much me letting go than being Atlas and the world just keeps getting bigger and bigger and when you drop it, the consequences, how to cope 101.

A prisoner is released and finds that there is no longer a place for him, not trying to sound like those late night/early morning commercials but men can no longer be men, same with women, the whole human race. The Purge doesn’t say be human it says to “release the beast”, now, of course, I’m not a villain but look at the violence, look at other methods we have to be… I don’t know to make us what passes for normal. Then we have my writing, my conversations with you that have led to everything else, so you say “I hope you feel cleansed” and do I feel that honestly?

If we’ve learned anything, after this, I’m usually tired, I feel drained and we go on to the next day, sometimes better, sometimes worse, I wish there was a better release but again I am not the typical guy. I’m just me, my life today, wish I could have done better, these papers won’t be so long after tomorrow I’m on My Work Release Program.

I Will Have No Fear

Family Portrait

Fortunately, I never truly talk to my family, even better there is only my dog and me, being somebody’s husband… or having kids with two legs instead of four? Family Portrait, but it’s getting sort of crowded in here I think.

Okay so I’m my own secret society
before her, before them, before him
but my dog is my best friend
Cause he doesn’t need an answer or three
as I’m trying to be husband, daddy, what’s the matter
with me and it just makes me sadder
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, my expression
“I’m fine” the words squeak out
Some father, some spouse, more house

Only if I could afford it, show some propriety
Most people count their money
I count at the door, the tiles on the floor, who’s laughing at me
Can I have a moment of peace
When everything is five by five
Working I strive
Decide then I will feel alive, an obsession
maybe I’m normal, human, an ordinary human, my girl
says there is more to this world

Oh if I could only see it, such variety
Still, the ground looks the same
Sad tears, painful, I’m sure they think I’m insane
Clowns can be sad, especially, when they believe
that’s not their true
calling, so who are you
Did I give you the impression
perhaps I cared in the first place.
I need more space

One man and his anxiety
and still, I wonder why I can’t breathe
Counting seats for my O.C.D.
my dog, me and the
disease known as Depression

Now Say Cheese

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.



Lesson 059 ~How to Measure Someday~

Why someday and not today, all I can promise is soon, how long did it take to write the greatest novels, to build Rome, or for one to know themselves, hell is anybody waiting for me? How to Measure Someday

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Lesson 059 ~How to Measure Someday~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear… are we there yet, how about now, maybe, possibly; anyway this is the rule I am constantly breaking, rule 001 “I Will Have No Fear” and even now I’m tempted to say someday I won’t be afraid only I might as well say never. Today’s lesson is based on another rule “Someday Is Not a Measurement” so the question becomes how do I measure progress, success, where I’m going today.

I will say there were more peaceful days when I was doing my impression of Tom Sawyer, just sitting on a rock, basking in the sun, writing, it’s always easier when you start out. From there it was locking myself in my room, just sitting in bed, to now, I’m actually typing at my makeshift desk because I intend to make something of myself. One day, not someday but one day I intend to be sitting in Books-A-Million or Target, doing book signings, a return to paper and pen, though there is nothing wrong with Kindle or any other E-Readers.

When my life has passed me by
I’ll lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I’ll look around for another try
And fade away – Sugar Ray, Someday

Once upon a time, I thought about wartime journalism, for the life of me I can’t imagine why, Jake Sisko or Joseph L. Galloway, even back then I didn’t want to hurt anybody but I felt I could show the world. Sad to say I just found words to be my weapon of choice, you know the pen is mightier than the sword… and then I found blogging, lost it and what about now? I propose to be a novelist, how many things have I already written, how many will I write, one-day m novels will be everywhere, “write where they will see”, yes my lady that’s another new rule.

“Can’t take no pictures lying down there, sonny. Down, right there.

I’m a noncombatant, sir.

Ain’t no such thing today, boy.” We Were Soldiers (2002)

This is why writing is so exhausting for me, it’s strapping up, it’s preparing for a war and I’m looking forward to peace, once there once was, and then women happened. Anxiety is a bitch but not the women I associate with… usually; if a dog is a blank check for love a woman is a wellspring of inspiration indeed.

Speaking of women, a man can tell a lot about himself by the women he does associate himself with, by the women in his world, and the women he creates worlds for; what exactly does that mean for this man.

“A man’s strength can be measured by his appetites. Indeed, a man’s strength *flows* from his appetites.” Enter The Dragon

So yes I was but a boy when I discovered Hentai, the earliest I can remember is “Ayeka Masaki Jurai” (Princess Ayeka), again I can’t tell you why but something about her just spoke to me and someday didn’t exist. Well, I take that back, one day I was going to buy every hentai under the sun… okay steal maybe but I was quickly thinking about all the things I would do for a woman. On that note, as actual women are concerned she has to be into hentai, a woman you can watch anything with is surely a must.

As I moved onto real women and I was one for courtly love, now in this area I truly need to take a step back unless I want to start writing so other guys can get laid. One day that was going to be me but honestly the sweetest words… not to mention the angriest words; can I go a day without feeling like Trump, “Fake News” and something I said being taken out of context, let’s stay up Luna.

When I think about the novel I finished writing, see that makes me laugh at one girl’s vanity, I literally created a harem of fictional girls and the things I did to them just wrong in every sense of the word. Anyway, my point is I went from hentai to real girls which were not at all fun, to now, I think I offended another friend yesterday but she’s a good friend. One day is actually starting to sound like someday but anyway, I will share with you my type, when I’m feeling bolder some.

“It’s not my place to ask. I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin.

So me and mine gotta lay down and die… so you can live in your better world?

I’m not going to live there. There’s no place for me there… any more than there is for you. Malcolm… I’m a monster. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.” – from Serenity (2005)



Manhood is a constant evolution, the problem is learning, rejection, humiliation, success that’s why I have to keep moving forward.

There was a time when I was all sunshine and lollipops and I wonder what the someday was then, it was never chains and whips excite me but they do.

I thought my story of turkeys taking over the world would be a bestseller at one point and I threw it all away because it didn’t mean any standards, namely my own. I wrote several other books but nothing that was ever… seriously I don’t have the words but I was actually paid for my work. If you want to know my biggest someday it will be publishing that one-hundred and twenty-thousand-word novel just sitting here waiting for me Luna.

It would certainly be better than counting the days of no apologies or being caught up in someone else’s madness and adopting it as my own. How about someday I won’t be preparing arguments for my defense, or ways to beg and plead my way out of something; that day still has yet to arrive.

Someday it won’t be opening up a vein and letting the contents spill onto the page, I still have that tick of shaking my head to dislodge so many bad memories. I know I’ll be better when I’m like E.L. James, talk all the shit you want about “Fifty Shades of Grey” fifty million copies, let’s say four bucks a pop, two hundred million, I would write whatever I want to write. Speaking of which that is the dream, not just in print but in my own voice, to not be afraid to say whatever I want, the things I’m actually holding back Lady Lu.

The thing is my name is already out there, and I think is it the people who love you or the people who hate you is How to Measure Someday.

“Let’s take what we have while we live. I have never had so much as now. All my life I’ve been alone. Many times I’ve faced my death with no one to know. I would look into the huts and the tents of others in the coldest dark and I would see figures holding each other in the night. And I always passed by. You and I, we have warmth. That’s so hard to find in this world. Please. Let someone else pass by in the night. Let us take the world by the throat and make it give us what we desire.” – Valeria, from Conan the Barbarian (1982)

I Will Have No Fear

Only Can Discover

A cure maybe, or a way to find relief, other than filling my head with numbers, how many times I checked the door, or people stay quiet, a method of forgetting and not having to worry about so much. Only Can Discover healthy.

Oh did I forget to lock the door
or should I try once more, I swore
only to turn around, before

conceivable the dog runs out of water
catching myself but what I said to somebody’s daughter
catastrophic humiliation, why I oughta

delay going in if people saw it, read it, and
decided… it doesn’t matter, I think I can, I think I can
do it, get up and go, man

oops, how many times, five, four, three,
can I ever be free of this disease?
Don’t know but count on my being O.C.D.

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 058 ~To Be Counted On~

Counting the days until, such and such a day because I think I’m someday is not a measurement, at least not a good one, maybe I should try for something sooner. “To Be Counted On”, and I mean more than on my fingers and toes I suppose.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Lesson 058 ~To Be Counted On~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but why aren’t we counting the number of times I’ve said that why aren’t we counting how many rules it’s going to take for the new me, why aren’t we counting the days I can stay upbeat. How about we count the number of missed opportunities, well not really missed perhaps but one friend told me today that I wasn’t in a talkative mood… me.

I’m actually a bit too lazy to go back and count, okay maybe a little frightened, I’m still positive you know “Easy Street” but for the most part I have been counting anything to take me away from, that day, and for once I’m not talking about “Sapphire”, we’ll get to that. So far I have around Sixty-Four rules, and I actually have a plan to have three hundred and sixty-five, which I will later condense into something more manageable. If I was still depressed Lady Lu, we’d be talking in bed but I’m actually dressed, being productive, not so much for society but for myself, as I was telling my friend today, I don’t remember happy but I’m okay and even that’s a guess.

I heard once that idle hands are the devil’s playthings but that also goes to the mind, you remember that lady in the parking lot, was I working as hard then, I have to keep my mind occupied at all times it seems. This is probably what “Okay” was talking about that I wasn’t okay though she surprised me a bit noticing I was a completely different person, there was no drive, my biology was to be damned, and I kept my distance. I did confess to her which is why I’m fighting to keep the power of positivity; four words “Don’t Worry Be Happy”.

Have you noticed that I tend to keep our conversations to four-word titles and my rules to five words, seriously where do I get these numbers for things? Only one number matters at all in this age and that is NUMBER ONE, which explains how I got into this mess, to be ahead of somebody.

“What do you mean, “fuck this Employee of the Month shit”, man? When there’s some shit to be won, Goddamnit, I want it. I don’t give a fuck what it is. Y’know what I’m talkin’ about? I take no prisoners. I go hard doing this shit. Big dog. Big nuts. When names are on a mother-fuckin’ board I want to see my name at the top of that motherfucker and next to it, it needs to say “Winner”.” Lamar Davis

This, of course, brings us to the days counting down to Sapphire, I wonder are we as human beings conditioned to anticipate that day, I have all sorts of feelings. I know I keep saying Sapphire instead of the day… okay, that clears things up and did you know there are no good strip clubs around these parts, that’s sad.
“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.” Street Fighter (1994)

I’ve been counting the things in my Amazon Wish List, when I’m not quoting the company line “Impossible, Immoral, Illegal, Insane”, let’s add one more I, “Inane” at least to some people, to me, I’m just greedy. How about being pricey, as the song goes… if I were a rich man, besides the “M Anime” says I’m hard to shop for, when did I grow to become so complicated? As far as friends go, I might have a handle on two “Indiana Gone” and “Gospel Girl” which in truth means I’m still doing well, two girls last year so I should call this a win, no not like that Lu.

“What would you do if you had a million dollars?

I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.

That’s it? If you had a million dollars, you’d do two chicks at the same time?

Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ’cause chicks dig dudes with money.

Well, not all chicks.

Well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do.

Good point.

Well, what about you now? What would you do?

Besides two chicks at the same time?” – from Office Space (1999)

So besides counting a lack of options on strip clubs, I could go so many places but I have no clue what so ever, maybe I should count them. Maybe I should count the numbers of years I’ve been hanging around but can I trust you with that information… secrets are lies but this is not a secret, necessarily. M Anime got me fired up about food but maybe that’s just because I’m hungry, again I need to keep my hands and my mind full, why not add my stomach.

Didn’t I talk about a blank check the other day, besides avoiding you I’ve been counting up my emails and doing the PCH lotto, now this is easy enough to say, I hate math? I hate having so many options only to make excuses as to why I can’t have what I want, you know “Someday Is Not a Measurement.


“I don’t have O.C.D.

I had it when I was a kid,
but I haven’t done that in years.

You were just doing it.
When you walk slow like that.

What are you doing?
Are you counting?” – Elektra (2005)

Speaking of yet another rule how about habits, what about movies, or anything else I have to fill my mind with, I can’t tell you how many arguments I’ve had with fictional characters. Strangely enough being as crazy as I am, I’m a man that can be counted on to a certain degree, haven’t missed a day with you except for those years of hiatus.

Right now I’m 3×5, when I leave the house I push the door five times in circuits of three to make sure Braxton is safe, same with my lock I turn the lock three times, with each I tug five, I wash Braxton’s water bowl three times before filling it and take him outside on a multiple of five, talk about O.C.D. To keep my positive attitude, whenever I feel the darkness I play a movie in my head, I tell myself game info, I work on lists, to keep it all at bay. Just like my words I try for a multiple of five or ten, I know it sounds loony but while people believe I’m obsessing over them I’m maintaining my own life.

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” Muhammad Ali

I’m glad I have lost count of so many things that have been bad and no I don’t count every single breath, except for Braxton’s every now and again, vet’s orders with his condition. As far as the days I’m counting, Sapphire, fun time, and Okay told me not to worry about any trouble, I feel bad for her, I don’t know how she does it but she knows I’m a man that she can count on, I don’t abandon friends. I’m counting down the time to the end of this conversation Luna, not in a bad way but because I’m counting the time, the pages, so many other things.

So what have we learned besides, I count as to avoid becoming just another number and that I may have replaced depression with O.C.D. or I’m just giving into the O.C.D. more? Zero to hero Lady Lu, I want to make it out of this worry, I want to forget how To Be Counted On.

I Will Have No Fear

Bark Check

All it took was a dog walking alone in the street, the little doggie I so wanted to save and I don’t know where he is now, how about my own four-legged son who this moment is lying under my feet waiting. “Bark Check” how I have gone looking for love

And I never ask the stars’ advice
on what to wish for or dream up next
I simply take it to the bank

neglecting to take the time to thank
God… people… my puppy dog once or twice
who never asks and I could never expect

to try, but somehow we both collect
not a dollar, rupee or franc.
No, it’s not some sort of prize

of life or waiting in some paradise.
It’s in every moment it doesn’t need a sec
a minute, a vault or a tank’s

protection, though my little friend you never shrank
from I love you, our names both blank
as love is without a price.
So what the heck
a dog’s love is a blank check

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 057 ~Love A Blank Check~

Would you leave a million dollars on the street, what would my other million think, well actually Braxton is priceless but I do feel sorry for that dog, and that’s a whole lot of love? “Love A Blank Check”, well I probably would right?

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Lesson 057 ~Love A Blank Check~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but I did see a million dollars in the middle of the street to today… yeah, probably plenty more than that but what’s important is I didn’t pick it up. Now before you say I’m crazier than usual let’s get to the lesson that’s I would love a blank check.

Ever heard the expression “if wishes were horses…” I’m sure there are plenty of little girls wishing for a horse, now all I ever wished for once upon a time was a dog and through a twist a fate, I got Braxton. Now of course when I started growing up I wanted even more but how I never realized that a dog is a blank check when it comes to love. I mean I never dreamed I could love anything so much and that something would love me so strongly.

“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.” Eames (Tom Hardy), Inception (2010)

That’s why I will never understand how people just let dogs go, I mean all the love in the world that comes to you on four legs, wagging its tail, wanting nothing more than to be with you. I’m sure I’ve told a Braxton story here or there, the first time my sister brought him in and I asked myself what I was willing to do for him and the answer was anything, not a trace of doubt in my mind. All that love for the taking and I wonder what I ever did to earn it, love wasn’t a prize, it wasn’t something I could buy, though I’ve had $500 offers for Braxton, humanity has always been so silly.

I’ve read “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than himself” and it just gets me to thinking how I’ve been feeling, crying out for love and he’s like “I’m right here dad”. Again silly, but I like to imagine he would call me dad, I wonder what dogs call their humans, I’m sure he’s only heard my name from my usual guest coming by.

“Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.” Idiocracy

Love is a fan club, where we are both the idol and the fans, which is probably why I’m looking for something so much deeper, and no I’m not talking about marriage, yet, though if Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevingne) or let’s face it, Jennifer Lawrence… I’m sure you’re wondering why I am in such a lovey-dovey mood, I’m still trying to love myself while the getting is good, still high.

“He comes in through the kitchen door, wants my dinner and then some more, he’s my idol and I’m his fan, that’s my Back Door Man” sung by Vanita Smythe – Back Door Man (1946)

For the longest I’ve been more of the fan, I did mention Jennifer Lawrence but let me say both idol and fan can be driven crazy, another trait I’m learning is our nonstop vanity. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and all that and being a fan right now I can say with absolute certainty, I don’t care if you don’t like me, I love me, yeah I have been watching too much YouTube lately. Personally, though I have always found it annoying how people say love so casually, I love me for the moment, I love Braxton, I’ll always love my momma but a short list ain’t it?

Being an idol though has it’s draw backs, like with dogs I hate disappointing Braxton, or “Indiana Gone” nobody else really looks at me that way I suppose. Being a dominant sort of means you want to be an idol, and that takes a submissive, the ironic thing is, your servant becomes your master too, now I’m no Christian Grey… don’t want to be except with my bank account. I still find it so funny though, when people turn into Stewie Griffin and act like you’re some holy roller whose life meaning is to worship them other than hey so you’re a hot chick, nice.

“Understand this, okay? I absolutely, positively cannot be the only person falling head over heels in love in this relationship. It’s got to be mutual.” – The Big Hit (1998)

Around this month there has been nothing but girls that want to do me, girls I want to do, and those that think too highly of themselves not that can blame them, I like loving myself and no I did not mean it like that Luna. The thing is when it comes to being a fan or an idol you constantly have to reinforce it like I said Braxton loves me whatever and I’m the same but people are trickier.

“When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily… One who understand this, understand life….”

I wish I could say something so beautiful Lady Lu, but I’ll say that like is your job and love is what you would make a career and for now I have quit my job… careful just in case I have any work friends here. I’ve told you what I believe love happens to be but I will say I was rather impetuous in my youth when I used that word, so I rarely do, except to someone who can’t speak a word to me.

Stupid things I have done when was being a dog, told you about the “Iron Maiden” there was the girl I wrote a song for, one of my girls of the week years back. I bought a porn star a lot of stuff that never got there, her fault, Amazon wish list right, of course, there was tons of poetry too. How about “Wonderland” haven’t scared her off but love can be profitable like too, I bought “M Anime” a katana sword, and I wanted to sleep with her once upon a time, not anymore, yeah I like my friends.

Yesterday I was thinking about insults, not against me for once but I was thinking the worst thing you can say to a straight woman who thinks she’s the shit is yeah you make me want to go gay… how many people have I offended with that? I’ve gotten a few gay offers but yeah I know what I want anyway, so I’m thinking you know me and the dirty talk about calling a woman a bitch and what has today been about, dogs, Braxton is no bitch but a guy calls a girl a bitch but he loves dogs. God that stupid song from Destiny’s Child “Say My Name” but isn’t that inspiration, isn’t that love like is thinking the song up, love is listening to it, making a mental note to download it, and it popping up on your playlist sometimes just because.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― from Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

So what have we learned today other than the fact that I have a whole lot of love and I’m no thief, okay he was a big dog, a bit too much love for me maybe Braxton is plenty but I have a big heart maybe. I don’t think love is a prize or something that must be earned, all we are waiting for is the right combination, is that deep, Love A Blank Check.

I Will Have No Fear