Lesson 104 ~Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes~

Do I really want to “cheat” with writing, if anything it is the truest sing I know, even if what I write is fiction, at least to a certain degree no doubt? “Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes” when I should be writing something more substantial, maybe?

Friday, October 13, 2017

Lesson 104 ~Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear, though this is a video game reference, infinite lives, and cheat codes, I haven’t picked up a controller in months though, years possibly. I’m a sucker for a good story though which is what brings us here, with the term good loosely defined of course.

I swear one day, not someday I’m going to write down every single reason I want to be a writer, but wouldn’t it be better spent writing out my story. Shouldn’t I be working on my novella, “Degrees of Falling” that, of course, is a working title, I’ve also so considered’ “Hot Air” and why did I start working on this story again? Maybe I’m getting all warmed up for NaNoWriMo, do you think I’m honestly going to go for it this year Lady Sophia?

Too bad I can’t write excuses for a living, the latest being my hands are exhausted, seriously they are so sore, and I wish I could at least tell you I punched someone in the face or that I have been doing something productive, other than making money, do I even have a rule about making money. Isn’t that the point of all this, is I was writing to make money then I suppose it wouldn’t be worth it, not to mention what sort of man would that make me; perhaps an educated one if I were reading at least. What about if I ever get famous, I’m going to have to be signing books, so would I complain about my hands then, that’s funny.

Unlike my novella, no wait that can be awfully funny too that I think I’ll ever get anywhere with it, yeah I’m talking to you because I need to talk about my work but I still don’t have to be positive about it, do I? That’s yet another reason that I want to be a writer because maybe I got it all wrong you know, I speak about immortality but maybe you build a life, you lose it, and repeat.

It certainly would explain how weak I get after each go-round or maybe I’m just channeling “Happy Death Day” another review I should be writing but I’m barely keeping up here. Should the question here be, what have I written today, besides talking to you, *sigh* there is always tomorrow indeed, Infinite Lives, Cheat Codes.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 103 ~Never Make Me Stay~

Welcome, now let’s get dirty, wait how exactly are you supposed to talk to a woman, I doubt you’ll find the answer here, this is more how not to talk to a woman, how not to come off like a pervert and so on. Never Make Me Stay but she is Dirty Diana.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Lesson 103 ~Never Make Me Stay~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana
No Fear, a bundle of nerves perhaps, anxiety in overdrive, offenses galore, but for once can I not be afraid at least for a while?

I want to be dominant, and that means you have to trust me or more to the point we must trust each other so I figured I would welcome you here first. This place is going to be my playroom, my “Red Room of Pain”, though personally, I prefer black for my dungeon, but what does color matter except in my women am I right and if you think that was a racist joke well that’s the least of my offenses. I often talk about my wants, needs, and desires as being impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane, I think you’ll find all of that with our chats here, but maybe the easiest thing to contend with will be a woman’s submission.

Though I promise to try and be responsible with it, I’m not going all out with a disclaimer like I did with the “Whisperer” series, though I intend to be so much worse, and can I promise they’ll all be works of fiction… Let’s just say that being an African-American man in America I have developed a more than healthy fear of the law mind you. Strange that I have the courage to do something more heinous than walking while black, I also want to share my opinion, or am I just that much of an exhibitionist, well one time…

There will be plenty uses of the L Word here, I am of course talking about LUST, Second Circle Creations, to think I actually considered myself better, at least Abyss Creations just went all out, you know RealDoll. Speaking of words, whore, bitch, slut, and words that might get you logged by Motherless will also be used in abundance, am I trying to destroy any romantic life I might have? I can’t do much worse can I and just wait until I get started but why not today, I actually do have something in mind.

How about do I actually have someone in mind, other than you, of course, I mean Dirty Diana, this is going to be so hard, yeah plenty of sexual innuendoes? Should I ask what have we learned, did we have fun, no aftercare needed for today, Never Make Me Stay.

Lesson 102 ~Not That Famous… Yet~

So what did I do this time or better yet what can you prove; they say the guilty are the only ones who worry about what you can prove and with all the skeletons in my closet… Not That Famous… Yet, but at this rate, I might never get there either

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Lesson 102 ~Not That Famous… Yet~

Forgive Me Echo
No Fear, not of God anyway and if I am going to talk to some figment of my mind I might as well dream up one of my own, don’t you think? Maybe that should be the first sin that I confess today but I think I can do better at the moment.

I don’t even know if I have anything to be worried about, I swear the constant anxiety; you know why I might be a “good” writer someday because I can create drama and conflict out of nothing. Imagine if you will, you get a message from a Facebook acquaintance, saying someone you don’t recognize was asking questions about you. You tell them you don’t know the person and that’s that but this person is out there and you have no clue what they wanted, fill in the blank, I did, with a sex tape.

When you don’t know if there is a naked picture of you let alone a naked video and why don’t you tell me Inspector Echo why my mind immediately jumped to this conclusion. There’s no secret that I have a history, talk about skeletons, the beating of the hideous heart, that’s part of the reason you’re here. If it is something to do with me naked, for the record I have worse things, hell I was working on two of those worst things which shows why our conversation is coming so late, and I’m sorry.

Maybe I should have started with telling you what our conversations will consist of and how I even feel about the words “I’m Sorry” maybe I should make that into my own motto. Instead, I created Rule Fifteen: I Take My Own Lumps, simply means I take my own hits, and consequences, I deal with my problems as I must.

The thing is though, I might not even have a problem or I might have a bigger problem and usually I would this is the second level of Hell trespass, you know Lust. Why not ask me what I was doing naked on camera anyway but then again you and I both know I’m not alone in this, given some of the company I’ve had.

So am I asking forgiveness for this… anybody having to see me naked or for my dirty mind, how about a friend having to deal with me, or you having to listen, sex tape Echo, I’m Not That Famous… Yet.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

Sometimes it’s smart to keep my mouth shut when it comes to women, especially a woman I haven’t even found yet, maybe she would think I’m insane. “Sometimes I Love You”, and better she never knows but then again as the song goes more than words.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

Dear Future Wife,
Sometimes I love you for not making me say it; it’s not that I don’t, it’s not that I don’t want to, need to, if anything I want to believe that those three words matter but they’ll be lost. How can they be lost, I love your inquisitive mind but again it might be too much, just too damn much somedays and I want to say I’m sorry right off the bat.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story

You leave me breathless, that much is true, but sometimes it’s going to be them and no I don’t mean other women… I mean people in general. There will be days when I love you is just me finding my way to the bed we share rather than wanting to be alone. It might be when my voice gives out from singing so loud that my voice gives out, drowning in so many cruel words.

“But everyone knows that a man ain’t suppose to cry, listen.
I gotta cry ’cause cryin’ eases the pain, oh yeah.
People this hurt I feel inside, words can never explain.”
I Wish It Would Rain, by The Temptations (1967)

If I allow you to ever see me like that then is that love or what and it’s okay you don’t have to say anything either because sometimes I don’t have faith in words, yes this coming from a writer you made your husband. You might not hear me, as much as I mutter, and with that inquisitive mind you might want to ask questions, I might even be afraid to answer; the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil. I’m not a drinker, of course, you know that but if I ever pull out a glass or decide to fire up the PS3 or PS4, god knows what number we’re on now, I will return to you a better man and you’re more than welcome to wait.

I’ve left you waiting for a while I think because I’m still looking for the words and “I Love You” let’s just say those words came to soon, too late or were simply wasted and I never would with you, with us, I think the dog will attest to that. They will even be a day I’ll love you for bringing those words out of me as only you can, for being “the air that I breathe” as the song goes from The Hollies, remember.

How I love how you sing to me and you love when I talk to you and believe me when I say, that it is never a sometimes I love you between us, it’s an always unless the following girls walk by just kidding unless… okay, for letting me be me, sometimes I love you because you make me better.

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

How much time you got or should I just say I’m afraid of the whole world… thankfully that would be a lie but the truth is I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I Will Have No Fear, sooner or later but it’s been more than 66 Days

Monday, October 9, 2017

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

First Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear but honestly You know I could go on for forever and a day when it comes to fear, a toss-up between the things that scare me and the things I wish I could believe. So what does this rule mean to me, no real deeper meaning being my first rule, simple and direct?

“Please explain to me just once, why.
Because I’m afraid!

You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid?
If he did,
he figured out some way to beat it.

Yeah, well, there’s a word for that:
Courage” Green Lantern (2011)

Fear Justice, is a disease, it’s a freaking plague, like a zombie virus, it keeps you moving, keeps you seeking something and in the end what do you do with it? I don’t want to be like my father and that in itself is fear but how does he cover up his fear, anger, hate, do I really need to quote Yoda here. Like most things in my life, I believe if I ever find the root cause of it maybe I can find a way to overcome it but that’s not possible is it?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Master Yoda, Star Wars Franchise

Anxiety Justice, “Indiana Gone” wonders how I sleep so well, nightmares usually aren’t a concern, it’s real life so maybe I should list ten things that scared me just today:

01. Leaving Braxton by himself
02. Going to work
03. Getting the door for coworkers
04. Being overwhelmed at work
05. Multiple meetings (huddle)
06. Being called out by coworkers
07. Walking Braxton
08. Kneeling to check if the ground was cool enough for Braxton (Neighbors have a Flag)
09. Anything happening to Braxton, itchy, toenail stuck in collar ring, etc.
10. Work tomorrow and company after
“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!” Fight Club (1999)

This is why I constantly quote this rule Justice if anything I should have gone fight club with it and quoted it twice but that will be for next week. Speaking of which I read somewhere that it takes 66 days for something to become a habit and here I am with one hundred lessons, oh right and writing scares me to which is why I’m so late with this, wondering if I’m making any sense at all.

I’m scared that I’m losing my mind, splitting all these ideas up in my mind you know but since this is in relation to the first rule, I’m scared of what people will think of me. How about being scared that no one is thinking of me at all, and in both of those scenarios what will I do then.

There is nothing to learn this is something I know, I Will Have No Fear

“Thou Art Courageous” Spoken to Link, The Legend of Zelda

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember.” Morpheus, The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 099 ~Kill You Right Now~

Some days I die and am born anew, other days I am resurrected, but today I’m not sure if I like the man I am but tomorrow I will have to be braver, and I shouldn’t try to weaken that man today. “Kill You Right Now”, no I still have work tonight

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Lesson 099 ~Kill You Right Now~

To Will:
No Fear and so I ask who the hell do you think you’re talking to and why is this even a lesson, and Luna must be feeling pretty bad right now. To be honest, I haven’t even seen you today and I was just about to go outside looking like whatever, didn’t I even want to try and I don’t know be better.

Well, look better because being better is going to take a lot more time and courage than I have today and already I know you’re going to braver. Which brings us back to the question, who the hell am I talking to because, if you are my future I salute your courage, I pity what tomorrow will bring but you will be braver than me I know that much is certain. So what is all this talk about killing, I mean whoever I am this moment, do I want to die, I know the man yesterday didn’t want to, what’s the name of this one, Hurricane Nate and we both want what’s best for Braxton.

Maybe I need to find our similarities, rather than our differences because again you will be strong and I’m weak, you’ll be forced into courage, and for now, I don’t have to be, you’ll be stressed out and I’m just going to be so tired. You’ll work harder though, while I get to dick around on my computer and as I think about our mutual friend, there is always hope isn’t there? I suppose I’ll have blue balls and you might meet someone, I get to laugh about and you’ll be a nervous wreck, what the Hell am I saying.

I want you to be better than me Will, can you promise me that, maybe that’s the lesson, I’m still talking to me but I can already see the damage I’m doing to you, psyching you out and you have a week that you need to survive. No, I say survive but I want you to live, I want to stop hurting you and instead imagine the future that awaits you; I’ll worry about five minutes but you live four days for that is what is required, it’s not fair.

You’ll be richer which is a plus, I won’t kill me or you because there is hope for you yet just too much to want to kill you right now.

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 098 ~What Would Blankman Do~

I greet a different man in the mirror every morning, that is when I can bear to look at him at all, he could be a caveman, a villain, probably some hero without a name, and how long did my job get my name wrong? What Would Blankman Do

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Lesson 098 ~What Would Blankman Do~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but being honest, it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday as the song goes but you know what I think, sometimes it’s just too damn easy if you’re me.

So I’m at Walmart today… yeah, what was I thinking but anyway I hear this man, tell his kid, “is that something Jesus would do” and easily enough I kept my mouth shut. Now I could go on and on about comparing ourselves to others, Jesus, Santa to get presents, superheroes, yes I read my own lesson title and to quote another song, it’s not easy to be me. Even in my latest novella, I make myself into a monster but if I were to be any sort of man, it would surely be the human Braxton deserves and the man my future wife might be waiting on; high hopes.

With that being said, I’ve often talked about being a better man than I was yesterday but today I actually miss that guy because he actually got some work done, five thousand words and today, well there’s you and my anxiety. The constant state of things, not that you’re necessarily bad, considering how we got back together but I was so proud of myself yesterday and while I could be whoever I wanted to today again just shows who I am. I want to ask the question what would I do but I’m not ready and again the whole point of this is to stop comparing myself to others right?

Someone once said “Don’t try to be a great man. Just be a man, and let history make its own judgments.” Star Trek First Contact

It still scares me so Luna, who I might be becoming, the craziness, I mean I’m a writer, there is no doubt in my mind about that but truly, I’m going to have seven personalities, nearly all women to write now? I’ve said it so many times I wouldn’t leave you and I’ll still be writing every day just different facets and including my past, present, or future me, I’m still not certain really. Do you think one day they’ll be asking the question ‘what would Willie do’ they don’t ask that about Shakespeare these days?

We’ll talk the same time next week and I’ll probably be burdened, should I call this an experiment perhaps. So what have I learned today, I’ve never asked what would Jesus do, my story is about what she thought I would do, and you know what I’ll do tomorrow so Lady Lu, until next Saturday, goodbye, I’ll still be me but What Would Blankman Do?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 097 ~Twist In My Anxiety~

I’m being swept up in ideas at the moment but I won’t dare say I’m winning at life lest everything just gets blown apart but at least it’s not gray. Twist In My Anxiety, when everything seems to be going okay and then whoosh but right now woohoo

Friday, October 6, 2017

Lesson 097 ~Twist In My Anxiety~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, I’m going to blame it on my anxiety, my irritability, my laziness, and what about all the only craziness that I’ve been going through lately?

First I have some good news and some bad news… I’m not tossing you away again let’s just say I’m going to spread you out some, yeah I really need a girlfriend or at least to go back to watching porn. Anyway, what I’m saying is, I finally have an idea for my virtual brothel, that’s the good news, seven days and seven entries, more bad news is you’ll be the last, let me survive the week and I’ll tell you what I can Saturday. Now does that sound crazier or lazier, when it comes to my story, yeah I have been slacking a lot?

Should I keep riding this train of positivity, today I found out I won a swag pack from Kit Rocha, you know The Beyond Series, when’s the last time I won anything… PCH but that was only a hundred bucks, talk about a kick to the balls. See that’s why I’m going to have another girl I can talk about these things to, though I’m sure “Indiana Gone” wouldn’t mind at all, not going there.

No movie tonight and I’m still attempting to hold off any and all depravity but with the way, I have been talking to “Gospel Girl” lately, what am I always telling Indian Gone ‘behave’. I’m trying Lady Lu, you know how I try and I wrote another review today for the movie “The Mountain Between Us” so I’m not going to mention all of the naughty things I want to do to Kate Winslet. Besides brunettes I’m still trying to decipher what it is about this girl or that girl, what sin does she feed in me, yeah my novel…

The Seven Sins, just seven I think

Luna = Therapy
Justice = Rules
Echo = Past Sins
Sophia = Stories
Dear Future Wife
Escort = Fantasies
Will = Man in The Mirror (Will To Love)

This leads me to another question, there are seven deadly sins but nine circles of Hell and I know sooner or later I will have to start consolidating my rules but the plan is to have 365 of them. So while I’m talking about learning, whatever have I learned today besides anxiety is just another word in all this crazy that I feel and that Braxton needs a bath because he’s driving me crazy, just another Twist In My Anxiety.

I Will Have No Fear

So Love Can Move Mountains

So did love lift them where they belong and then again people fall in love, though personally I would like to fall in love somewhere it’s warm. So Love Can Move Mountains but first you have to get up and see “The Mountain Between Us” maybe?

Falling in love in the most literal sense, maybe that’s a little bit presumptuous of me but when I first saw the trailer I just thought, don’t let this end with someone floating on a door. If anything it’s Alive meets Blue Lagoon: The Awakening, and just like those people on the mountain believed God was everywhere, I can easily believe love is the same… I’m not any sort of theologian for the record okay.

The movie though was so much more than okay, seeing as how Kate Winslet and Idris Elba, of course, had to carry it alone, it shows how both have come quite a long way, especially considering Kate Winslet had so many people to play off in Titanic. Also, I’ll admit I haven’t seen many movies where Idris Elba was the love interest so this was new and I’ll say he took to it well. To be fair though the “OMG” moment for me was the dog, I don’t want to give anything away but if we’re going to be handing out awards that dog well dogs deserve some. Great movie to be sure, amazingly beautiful.

Now that I’ve done my song and dance for Fandango, is it mean to say that nobody else in this movie will be winning any prizes, not that I’m saying the rest of the cast was bad just no real standouts. Not that I was expecting that because this movie for all intent and purposes is all about the characters Alex Martin and Ben Bass.

Another thing some might ask is how do you make a love story in the snow, though I’m sure Lifetime might have mastered this craft a long time ago or so I assume. I hate being the guy that says, “I saw the movie but I didn’t read the book”, I’m expecting to be disappointed when I finally get around to it but as for this movie, I enjoyed it.

The good news is I can’t call it cliché’ because while I’ve seen these types of elements as I’ve already said I can’t compare it to any one thing. Kate/Alex for me did channel somewhat of a Leo vibe from Titanic and Ethan from Alive (1993), so am I calling Idris, Rose? Probably why they used someone I would consider a man’s man though personally, that’s how I felt about his character, that he was being used, such a way.

In case the trailer didn’t already give it away for you, Alex is on the way to her wedding, Ben is on the way to an important surgery, they end up chartering a plane, such and such pilot and wham they crash into the mountains. Now I see it… the Alive connection and yes I know the Andes was a true story but we have Ben looking after Alex for awhile then she wakes up and it becomes a choice of whether to wait at the crash site or take a chance at finding a road or something. I won’t spell it out because anyone can see where this is going but don’t let predictability stop you from enjoying this film, it has a surprise and a twist a bit.

I was hoping for more from Alex’s fiancé and the only other emotion you feel other than overwhelming love for the dog, is maybe a bit of anger towards certain individuals after everything that happened to Alex. There wasn’t much chemistry between Idris and Kate at first but I can’t decide whether that was the characters or while they picked two big names maybe they didn’t exactly fit, not until the sex scene and as the movie drew to a close. Which brings me back to how that would be accomplished but I won’t spoil that tidbit but get ready.

For most of the movie, Ben was doing the heavy lifting and Alex just had to be the woman behind the man, the voice of encouragement and given the circumstances of the situation I understand it but it still seems like he just needed to say “YES MA’AM” for most of it. There was even the, but you didn’t call, wouldn’t pick up the phone, where all the ladies get to cry, feeling Alex’s pain.

I’ll give it four stars on the grounds that I think the aftermath could have been done better while the ending was surely top notch and while I won’t spoil that you might want to turn around now. I always consider that maybe the problem is me when it comes to these things but with the world being crazier I suppose the fiction needs to be more real if that makes any sense at all.

I won’t say this was my favorite part but the dog and the mountain lion, I swear dogs are man’s and woman’s best friend as he was protecting Alex and they couldn’t give the dog a name? Next would have to be the sex, better than Titanic but leaves much to be desired, no worries if you have to bring the kids along, no nudity or foul language. Last for me was that you didn’t call, you were married debate, men always get blamed for this sort of thing but women give off signals really.

Speaking of women, even lost in the mountains, there is no end to being nosy, it figures they would have all the time in the world to talk but can a man not have anything? A working cell phone, I mean he’s a doctor, she’s a war journalist so yeah they would have the best equipment but most phones wouldn’t last a day, three tops but they were looking for a signal how long and the phone was good. What happened to everybody else… this was Ben and Alex’s story and of course, they would be the only two in the world that would understand but it’s like they just made everyone disappear so was this a good thing or a bad thing I wonder?

Nothing truly bad about the movie, I’d easily go see it again, just to feel that rush to come home and hug my dog, and they’ll be plenty of women asking would you do that for me to their men. Love lift us up where we belong, not that high, four stars out of five and I believe love can move mountains, take the step, See The Mountain Between Us.

Lesson 096 ~Is It Time Yet~

There is never a right time or enough time is there Luna, or maybe I’m just ashamed but it could be worse, I could be a liar. Is It Time Yet, maybe you should ask me tomorrow but really what about today, maybe I’ll take in another movie hmm

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Lesson 096 ~Is It Time Yet~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but isn’t that the question nowadays, my life must truly be boring that I’m thinking about something I heard from Fox News, wouldn’t you agree?

When will we ever talk about my fixation on brunettes or for the wrong women in general, fourth grade it was a Muslim girl, sixth grade it was a blonde in remission that I’ll admit I was actually cruel to, seventh to ninth grade I stopped looking at black women for the most part, and senior year to now it has been mostly brunettes. I could probably write a whole book on why that is but as for today’s lesson, I don’t think it’s time yet but I put it out there didn’t I. Hell I’m still thinking about what this blog is going to turn into one of these days, now there’s something we should be talking about, money.

Fox News doesn’t want to talk about whit people either, though I work for a black manager and didn’t get paid this week, didn’t work last week but that’s beside the point, isn’t it? Maybe “Marshall” will give them something to talk about but I already did my review and while you know I’m one for reiteration but do I really want to repeat my review of a good choice.

“Hell is REPETITION.” Andre Linoge

No that would actually make too much sense now wouldn’t it Lady Lu, repeating the good and not dwelling on the bad, that’s one more girl for the virtual brothel “Echo, Justice, Luna, a Sophia…” that makes four but should I be encouraging my craziness, on one hand I have plenty of stuff that needs burying, and on the other with my book, I’m airing things out, cleaning out my closet. Doesn’t that just bring me back to money, I was telling “Indiana Gone” about my clothing choices or lack thereof but that is nothing to talk about until you find a hole in your shoe… what so I’m Scrooge.

Better call me a pimp while I have you here I suppose I should write down your role with the others so I don’t forget.

The Voices
Luna = Therapy
Justice = Rules
Echo = Past Sins
Sophia = Stories

So what have we learned besides the fact that I’m going crazier, do I have time to go there Luna, seriously Is It Time Yet?

I Will Have No Fear