Lesson 165 ~That’s What I Like~

Usually, I’m one for what I dislike, nope let’s say what I hate and despise; it comes more natural because the labels I get for what I do like… they can get pretty bad I believe. That’s What I Like, well this is about one sin in particular

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Lesson 165 ~That’s What I Like~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, everyone knows I like Star Wars, no I’m not afraid of being a geek, a nerd, or something, whatever the popular kids call it these days. I’m talking about the things I should never admit to, and yet here we are and why, facing my demons even if I intend on staying in Hell awhile?

It’s all sorts of blasphemy to say that I like the Star Wars prequels, but I do, and I find no fault in that, the same goes for The Walking Dead, and if it looks like a secret that’s because nobody knows me. Should it also be a sign that I don’t fight the things, people choose to believe? Every day at work is worse than the last, and it’s giving me nightmares. How about the fact that I don’t like most black women, I’ve had this conversation before and my mom would be appalled, hell I even have a Pinterest “Looking For My Swirl.”

Speaking of being appalled, why I need forgiveness… my mom is an avid Doug Jones supporter and yes I voted for him myself and if Roy Moore is guilty of everything I think he deserves to go to jail. With that said, you know what got me shunned, humiliated, and downright in trouble, having a “nymphet” fetish. I’m not Roy Moore, not even close, not even a little bit, and I have done some messed up things when it comes to “women.” Yes, I tend to call all females girls, but the “women” I messed over were all “women” eighteen at least but let’s not talk about “Senseless” not today.

The thing is I know I’m not the best person, and I could always be worse, and this is why I don’t bother to defend myself, scary that I might sound better when I let those people speak. Perhaps this is a conversation more suited for Dirty Diana so what else do I like that I should be ashamed for, that I’m genuinely a student of the Marquis de Sade.

I like guns, gay people are cool, especially watching two girls get it on, I enjoy porn, okay yeah maybe I should just ask for forgiveness now hmm? Inspector Echo I’m sorry for being so sexual, for having a DDlg fetish more than I would like to, for looking past my people from time to time, for hating people and but mostly myself but you know That’s What I Like.

“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older; they stay the same age.” Wooderson ― from Dazed and Confused (1993)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 164 ~Love This Election Year~

I’m no leader, well at least of a country, and while I have plans for world domination, what is one life but the world entire and to think my love is king a dream until I find her. “Love This Election Year,” in what galaxy far, far, away is that hmm?

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Lesson 164 ~Love This Election Year~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, no fear, if we took a poll whether I would ever find you, if we belong together, that you would say yes well there is only one word for here and now… Hope. In what place but your heart could I win, in what world but the one we have made together. In what galaxy far, far, away could one man, one woman, say yes and that be a lifetime commitment, an appointment, duty, honor, privilege, reason, my wife, your husband, friends, lovers, greatest fan.

The greatest fan of your life as the song goes, and “Your Love Is King” you sing, “Angel” I would call you, and “How Long Will I Love You” because there is no term limit when it comes to us. A Whole New World we could see together and yet every day I feared to go the distance because it is one thing to be a president, a king, to be just a man, but whatever I am, was, or hope to be I just want to be yours. I still remember how I must have looked, what crimes I must have committed, and the people. Can you believe it, I wouldn’t bet on that, she said yes, and et all was quiet and still until I heard it from your sweet lips, saw it in your eyes, and felt it in your dear touch.

Sometimes I think it doesn’t even matter anymore what becomes of the city, state, country or even the world because I know where I wish to stay, free and at the same time hopelessly devoted. How lucky am I that you chose to love me, that you let me love you, that all the stars we can see aren’t enough, that every time I’m with you I feel like I’m blasting off to some distant planet. One that needs two suns because it is not lucky enough to have the light which is you. Cities bathed in color in an attempt to match your beauty, which is captured in my eyes every single day love.

So let the world end, or maybe we’ll be lucky enough to see how Star Wars ends at some point, and this love will still be the best thing I never voted for but chose. I don’t need to be anything more than your man and while you’re “Perfect” and you might spend forever trying to convince me why I still thank you for choosing me, Love This Election Year.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 163~How To Write, Just Bleed~

Nothing has ever come close to destroying me more than words have, and maybe these pages only serve as a reminder that the wound is there and then I rip them off and throw them in the trash. How To Write Just Bleed.

Monday, December 11. 2017

Lesson 163~How To Write, Just Bleed~

Tenth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, the first name on the list is mine own, the old story of the first word I ever wrote, my first victim who is me because maybe I knew what was coming, perhaps I wanted to do the world a favor. The thing is Madam Justice; I don’t die, people say that women talk too much, people also say “I don’t trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die” another shot at women, so what kind of man does that make me.

With my writing, I think it both hurts and helps me; most days especially like today I feel like dying, and then I expect my words actually to give me the life that I deserve. Sometimes I do use words to hurt other people, whether intentional or not another saying, about the pen to the sword, which I can believe. What about other people’s words, I thought about that bitch you know who and her words ripped into me, but I’m still here, every now and again I just have to pull the Band-Aid off.

The best art comes from suffering, of course, that’s just a personal opinion but some create such beauty and what do I make… if anything we just want to see it, the mess. Burn books, then burn people but nothing seems to quench the flames does it, so maybe that’s why I bleed more because I know I’m going to Hell. So why do I make Hell even bigger or perhaps I’m trying to drown myself, blood, sweat, tears, and yes Madam Justice cum too, it all hits the page.

Could it be as in Fight Club, that I want to destroy something beautiful and isn’t that something, there is so much beauty in the world, so it will take something hideous to be recognized by anyone. I know I am coming up with theory after theory, so I present you with another if this is my “suicide note,” relax Madam Justice something I heard from Fear The Walking Dead. Anyway, suicide is a solo act; some say a selfish one, so I hurt myself, I write not caring if anyone sees the outcome right?

Writing is why I continue down this road, the typing dead, the write one dead, one more thing, I write to remember and so that’s How To Write Just Bleed.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 162 ~Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem~

Whatever doesn’t kill you is likely to try again, and it will face someone far stronger, smarter, and sinful; today I should be having fun, trying to take over the world, you know whatever comes up. Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem from now on I hope.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Lesson 162 ~Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem~

To Will:
No Fear because that is something we are giving to tomorrow, it’s like I was telling our dear Lady Lu, if there is no tomorrow then why not put everything there and enjoy today. Look you’re already up, with book review ready; should have been done yesterday, you see, pain, problems, and the past must find their way to tomorrow and if you see it just keep passing it on, is that healthy?

Well, you have as Rick Grimes put it stuff and things to do, why not make that goal, find what you want to do rather than what you half to do because we know that tomorrow is going to suck. Hell, today might be awful but if we are going back to the five minutes before the world ends scenario why not make it a good five minutes, I know you can go much longer than that my friend. It’s now about three weeks and other than the pain yesterday that had you laid up, you’re not doing that again because that’s tomorrow’s mistake waiting.

From now instead of running from yesterday and even today, let everything that scares you, hurts you, tries to kill you be waiting and today you just have to get stronger, be better prepared, let yourself enjoy. I know despite all that you’re worried about The Walking Dead, but that should be the worst of it because tomorrow is coming regardless and it will still be ahead of you, fear should be running. For now, you’re not in any real pain, you’re getting shit done, you’re learning, and while terror perhaps will always be your greatest enemy the fact that you’re up and about healthy is a reason to be grateful remember that, being thankful.

I don’t mean to get religious on you or anything but remember how you felt last night, how old you are how much time you’ve wasted, hell did you have a bit of backbone with the manager. If you’re standing, if you’re breathing, fight, and let the pain and blood be there tomorrow as a testament to that, I can’t seem to stress that enough.

Today you write, work on a character, get those reviews up, take a shower, you know you need it and let the pain go, let it run smackdab into tomorrow because Pain Is Tomorrow’s Problem.

I Will Have No Fear

Thinking Outside The Box, “SHIVER”

Sometimes in the box is the best place a man can be but then we are all different, and apparently, this is a different read for me but a decent one to be sure. Thinking Outside The Box, “SHIVER” it might be scary for a whole other type of reason

NOTE: Excuse me for not reading categories, that’s how focused I am with books that I didn’t notice that “Shiver” was placed in the Gay & Lesbian Erotic genre on Amazon, if I can make any excuses, one I’m a book addict so getting another one was just another hit. Two, I’m also a guy, and anyone that knows how guys watch/read porn knows we always skip ahead for satisfaction.

Not that this book scared me, uncomfortable yeah when I realized what I was reading, but then I chose to keep turning the page and other than being weirded out; what I couldn’t help it, the story is pretty good. Now I’m going to do something the authoresses should have pointed out that this a male with male romance (probably would have guessed if I bought a paperback) and already I can feel you judging me, and I don’t want to sound like some of the media or religious bigot.

Let me just state for the record, ever since I’ve gotten into the erotic genre, specifically dark erotica, I’ve grown used to the covers of these alpha males that make women go gaga so if this was to serve as a warning to me, uh no. It also wouldn’t be the first gay “lust” story I have read, I’ve read works from Kit Rocha but of course, most of those are straight, and the male/male scenes are quickly made up for in my eyes. Lastly I have no problem with the LGBTQ, but I don’t watch gay porn for a reason because I was born straight, but anyway regarding “Shiver.”

Yes, I was thinking outside the box, seeing how the other… I don’t know, give me a percentage lives, and it turns out the rich guy going after the small time boy/girl still applies, nothing different there. The two main characters Salvatore Wolfe and Jesse Clark, I can’t say I identified with either one, but they fit the bill of this shared passion though I think either the authoresses said this wasn’t a romance or a love story. What got me were the parts inside The Wolfe’s Den and when they talked about the background of this obsession with Jesse, personally though I couldn’t help but draw a parallel between this and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, to be honest.

I’ve read some pretty whacked out stuff having to do with obsession, stalking and the like which is what made the ending all the more engaging, but would I read a sequel? Anyway, I bring up The Rocky Horror Picture Show because for the day and age that was made and it made gay people look, well strange and seeing how most of the stuff I read has that reconciliation of the madness, Shiver well…

Okay so stop me if you know this routine, rich guy Wolfe, sees new graduate Jesse and is bitten by the love bug. I’m sorry it’s Salvatore that does the biting in this, romance blah, climax blah, will they won’t they, not that I was bored just busy, which explains how long it took me to read this. I could have stood to hear plenty more about Salvatore’s right-hand girl Trinity, and Brayden, who knew you could get me to root for the athlete best friend, new horizons to see.

The BDSM aspects were on point, I’ve read plenty about alpha vs. beta males, and Jesse played the beta for as long as he could until the eventual climax, falling out that always accompanies these stories. I can say the same for Wolfe minus the madness, his backstory was typical, but it does leave you with questions which kept me wanting to know how he accumulated his power though I can make a guess. What about the erotic scenes, let’s just say that these books usually are porn for women, being a guy after reading this I appreciated women in all sorts of ways yeah.

For those who needed another villain, that man would be King, see ladies, men are idiots whether guys are gay or straight and the scenes between him and Wolfe were all about establishing Wolfe’s masculinity. Trinity served as the voice of reason though her part was small, though she couldn’t stop either Wolfe nor Jesse and it might be pretty cool to see things from her perspective, hers and Brayden’s, am I trying to find a straight romance here? The convenient timing of the sister finding Jesse though; I like to think of myself as an author and have probably done the same thing in my work, but it doesn’t make it any less out of the blue or semi-lazy.

Parts that made me think were when Jesse wasn’t; I’ve heard of people dying like that and again makes me go into that whole this is a weird scenario, like my fetishes, are different. Other than the kink that almost ended the book prematurely and my initial shock and surprise, “Shiver” kept a steady pace, a decent addition to this genre if I say so.

Now if you don’t want any spoilers I give it three stars, and you can stop here because there might be some. Is there anything that this book could have done differently, again who am I to judge being so new to this type of novel and trying to be as fair, if I may.

It was a different kind of dark given Wolfe’s stalkerish tendencies, but I’ve seen worse that have ended better, not that I can say I was rooting for any ending either way… was I that caught up? I still wanted to know so much more about The Wolfe Den, the book covers the different levels of course, but I found it all fascinating and lacking any personal experience this is a great place to start. I saw Jesse and Brayden’s relationship somewhat pleasant; truth be told I don’t see many heterosexual relationships amongst men that don’t include, sports, violence, or women but two guys just hanging out together at home.

As for the three stars, I just can’t help but feel like I let myself be readily convinced, yes I’m a Kindle reader, but when I saw this book from my erotica reading group, I figured what could it hurt and just shock and not my cup of tea. Erotic Asphyxiation I know some people that like choking or other forms of breath play, but it seems to me this was just used to give Wolfe yet another type of darkness when the hunting of Jesse in the woods was enough. With the ending, they chose I’m not sure, again most books might give you a heads up, but with this title, I don’t know whether I’m impressed maybe or whether the authoresses are trying to say something else with this, not a love story.

I will have to keep an eye out for Ella Frank and Brooke Blaine, can’t say I’m in any rush to get my hands on another book of theirs but don’t let me dissuade, ladies it’s a good read, gentlemen unless you swing that way, seek life elsewhere. Three Stars and I think I’m going to find a box because Thinking Outside The Box, “SHIVER.”

Lesson 161 ~Hurry Up And Wait~

What are you waiting, she’s not coming to me anytime soon, neither are millions upon millions of dollars or a legion of adoring fans for a book signing as of late. Hurry Up And Wait, NaNoWriMo was last month, and I think I’ve relaxed enough

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Lesson 161 ~Hurry Up And Wait~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, age is nothing but a number but that number is getting bigger and bigger, and you know some people say to think of it as leveling up but what happens when you level up in a video game? How many times have I just wanted this game to end, not that I’m retaking the suicidal route contrary to popular opinion, hell as if that view is worried about me honestly?

Take a few days ago, my general manager is concerned about me, how I felt like I was right back in school; “It’s Times Like These” I find out how rational a person I am. You see he’s more worried about himself and the rest than my mental health, getting over whatever possible affliction I have going on at the moment. You know me, Luna, I have a million excuses, which again shows why I’m so late talking to you another time, today should have been better considering no work.

That’s what I have to get over, work and that means I should be writing more but instead what have I been doing, what’s today’s excuse… Blue Balls. If anything that is what I’ve been waiting for the longest; to take a page from The Matrix Reloaded vis-à-vis love and of course there is still an opinion, my parents, family, dog, friends, etc. Now, of course, you probably think I’m talking about the love of a woman in a happily ever after sort of way but what comes to mind at this particular moment is loving myself. No, I don’t mean the thirty plus minutes I spent in bed thinking about getting an ice pack for my junk for relief.

Hurry up and wait has only been another excuse, leave that to others but not for me, if you want a car you don’t wait for someone to give you one, you get off your ass and work. You want to eat, it’s the same thing, what about being an aspiring novelist and what about falling in love? No, my dear Luna, this is just a reminder that I have to get up and work and stop thinking about tomorrow, there is no tomorrow, live like there’s no tomorrow, oh yeah that has to be a rule without a doubt.

What I have learned today is even if I can’t keep my head up out there… not yet, I shouldn’t have it down here, just looking at my dick, waiting for a release that I can’t give, no more, I won’t Hurry Up and Wait.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 160 ~Give Me One Reason~

Fame, fortune, they say money can’t buy you love but for all the reasons I might want to try, I’m just tired and who knows what all this snow we bring, a few days to catch up or to do something finally? “Give Me One Reason,” and it’d better be great

Friday, December 8, 2017

Lesson 160 ~Give Me One Reason~

Hey Lady Sophia
No Fear, I could leave if I wanted to, snow and all, to think I almost chickened out because of some inclement weather and if that was for a job I hated and errands I could run later what about my book?

I finished one book and what popped up into my head to stop the editing process nut the book I finished before my 120,000-word dribble. You don’t believe me, I was thinking about spinning the whole virus angle and the reason for the game that they play; forgive me, in my deluded mind I’m still thinking someone is genuinely reading and I don’t want any spoilers getting out. Anyway is that my master plan, to keep two books in a constant state of flux, so I don’t have to edit: I am my own worst enemy when I’m writing right?

Of course, my most common enough excuse is that it’s been a long day and trust me it has been, which leads me back to the weather and almost dying. Indeed that’s yet a reason I do this because what are they going to say about me, I don’t want those lies in either life or death, read my words and perhaps it will be the first time I ever stood up for myself, and I will be lying there. Is that why my work is what it is, that I have to unleash the beast, my beautiful private purge?

With the snow falling all around us and being trapped here by exhaustion, a myriad of plot devices, and with the madness that is me I can’t help but think about “The Shining” or maybe “Misery”? I could just be hearing “Okay” in my head with a never-ending spank bank of others. So do I need to kill the old me, will it take the dog chewing off my legs, leaving me lying here typing away unable to do any of work, hell if I want my porn why not work on my story, other than the fact that my writing, I know it stinks.

That’s always my ultimate excuse to not write though how many reasons, good reasons do I have to carry on? Finish one book and then work on the others, one step at a time, one word at a time but yeah Give Me One Reason?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 159 ~Have The White Stuff~

Talk about the wrong stuff if you’re reading this, but I don’t judge… much and I hope you can afford me the same courtesy when it comes to particular sexual proclivities, brush up on your Japanese before reading. Have The White Stuff.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Lesson 159 ~Have The White Stuff~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
No Fear, life is pretty much vanilla, I like vanilla… as part of an ice cream flavor, the humdrum of life, and yes especially my women, though I did have a thing for Asian girls, another day and time I think.

The language though “Bukkake” don’t ask me why this has been on my mind this past week, considering I wouldn’t share my woman but the whole aspect of cumming on her face… If anything how I’ve been thinking of telling a girl, of course, if I kept one around, that she wouldn’t leave until she’s thoroughly bathed from head to toe, all sticky with myself, hell I don’t know how she would ever get clean? Maybe it’s something primal about marking your what’s yours and no I’m not into “watersports” but covering a woman in white, is something to see.

Speaking of being covered in white didn’t I say how I like my women and no I’m not a racist, my hate is universal, more or less, but it’s something about a white girl and no I haven’t been influenced by the media. Zoë Kravitz, Alicia Keys, Tessa Thompson, Amandla Stenberg (before she hacked off her hair), I’m seeing but sue me for having an affinity for lighter skin women. I’ve never seen the movie Jungle Fever, though I did spend more than an hour looking up the song from GTA San Andreas; any way you know my type, brunettes with nice boobs, Katniss Everdeen, Tiffany, identified as Jennifer Lawrence.

I like whip cream topping and the whip cream bikini, now that is what I call dessert, and is less messy than other toppings not that I don’t enjoy them as well. Now, this other particular fantasy was inspired by women; since my notes have been considered creepy, the idea of actually saying something “skeevy” and a woman finding it and then ravishing her just like I’ve written, isn’t that something. You can also think about outfits, again I’ve thought about ravishing a bride or a virgin all done up in white, what about a school girl in her blouse, a professional woman, the list goes on for some time.

Dirty Diana it just goes with me being a man, a gentleman, a lover, a monster, you recognize what they all have in common, despite who they choose in spraying, filling we all just know we, Have The White Stuff.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 158~Time Humiliates Again Will~

If you asked me my favorite sin, I would say Lust, my needed sin would be Wrath, and the one I most indulge in would be Sloth, then again check my search history right but speaking of history, I write still. Time Humiliates Again Will.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Lesson 158~Time Humiliates Again Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, it’s why I enjoy anger so much or namely one of the seven deadly sins “wrath” but which would you prefer that I drown in a lake of tears or that I burn in a lake of fire… least I’m warm.

Today let’s focus on three of the seven the first being WRATH because it’s taking over, every day it grows stronger, and I know honestly enough that anger doesn’t help anything but my fear. No, I’m not going to quote Master Yoda or some tired cliché but why do people only see the worst parts of me and then with their laughter, snickers, damn can we just call it human nature, they invite the monster out to play? How not to sound like a psychopath *ahem* see I can’t even say what I was going to because I need this job and for some reason, I feel someone is reading.

What about LUST, I recall talking about a woman I met recently on the Whisper App who could do nothing but yap all day at me but what did I think about her at the time? Well, there was time enough to lie and doesn’t that just show how powerful lust it, I hate hunters, I lied about my schedule and other things and why, because I wanted her, what kind of man am I? Not that she’ll know, she wanted to “hang out, ” and I already told her I was shallow, sins galore. Anyway we traded pictures last night, now isn’t it funny she suddenly shut up, and she can’t go out, not because she’s married of course but because someone needs surgery?

Not that I’m busy crying over her though I got off an hour early from work and after freezing thanks to the dog I climbed right into a warm bed and decided I live here now. Yeah, I couldn’t even get it up to go to my workstation, and I just slept most of the day away, waking up all shocked and surprised though I did manage to eat. SLOTH, a waste of time and that’s what all the sins have in common, they were a waste of time and how am I going about correcting this because sorry just doesn’t cover it Inspector Echo.

I am sorry though, I apologize, to you, to the world, to the future missus who knows I am better than this and to myself but Time Humiliates Again Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

When I say hello to most people it’s a little obligation and when I say goodbye to those people there is nothing good about it, I genuinely wish I’ll never see the likes of them ever again, but when I first said hello to her. With Honey I’m Home

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, though honey I’m home seems a bit cliché, but so many hours talking to people I wouldn’t waste a hello on but with you, do I owe it to you or do I just love you so? On the other hand, I don’t tell you goodbye either, when it’s just the dog, and I ask him to be good, I remind him I’ll be back, to think when I take a step to leave him I’m heading back home already.

I know I’m not the most energetic person, “Good Morning” person, or have a good day, the walking in the house type of person, you’re here, so I’m happy, I don’t lie, and the last time I checked I live here. Maybe someday I’ll be greeted with “daddy, daddy” the children will regale us with stories of a better world, I’ll always read them stories before and bed and tell them goodnight before I find my way to you love. Goodbye though, the words have never bothered me because with you there is just no such thing, I’ll see you later, I’ll be back, how about I love you *sigh*?

Maybe I have high hopes for the world or higher aspirations for us that I can walk in and find you lying on our couch or in our bed and just snuggle up next to you? My name on your lips as you hold me close or we see each other next, for once that is something I would look forward to because everyone else just wants to take me away. In the morning or n the night, three little words are all I require if that because you’ll be the first thing I see when I wake and the last as I rest, who needs another cliché, just saying?

If anything I need to ask how I’ll speak to you at all, will it just be hello, hi, hey, Ha Ha, yeah my vocabulary is somewhat limited and honey… nah I can’t picture myself saying that though it would be nicer when strangers become friends and friends become lovers. Your name will mean so much, and beautiful will, of course, have a new meaning in the dictionary, but for now, I’m only trying to make my way to you.

When we’re together though; okay, one cliché, home is where the heart is so maybe when I find you there the first time, that’s the first and last time I’ll start With Honey I’m Home.

I Will Have No Fear