Month: April 2018

Lesson 284 ~Do I Love Guns~

WillLeave a comment

Honestly, I have talked more about having a family than ever owning a gun, but with how things are going these days… well, it seems I have the attention of the gun lovers, but preferring women, yeah I’m the bad guy. Do I Love Guns

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Lesson 284 ~Do I Love Guns~

“A good question – for another time.” ― Maz Kanata

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, and not only because I’m taking so long to talk to you or that I won’t speak about my unfortunate lack of a prom; just a novel and the Second Amendment got in the way. Making money and guns, what an excellent conservative I would make though according to Facebook I am moderate, which makes sense, still damn I was hoping to be a liberal but that might only be in some rock HARD areas if you know what I mean Inspector.

So what brought this on, I received a letter from the NRA wanting me to join up, as the Christians would say, not today Satan but funny how most of them are card-carrying members of the NRA, for a moment I was thinking identity theft when I opened the letter. Suppose Mark Zuckerberg owes me an apology, but then again I am an open book when it comes to everything except whatever title I’m currently writing which brings me to an excuse. It stinks, my novel, is complete utter garbage and before “Indiana Gone,” “Cherry,” or “Okay” tries to say something, let’s get it all out on the table, I hate my writing, so there.

Strangely enough, I don’t hate the right to bear arms, don’t get me wrong Inspector Echo, there need to be some strict ass gun laws. I know plenty of people that shouldn’t have them; could throw myself into the mix but I want an assault rifle at some point, a pistol. Damn let me hold the button for a minute and you know I’m not a violent person; who have I hurt, we live in the real world, and with the way things are going, I might need some protection I should think. Another reason people shouldn’t read my book, if you compare my fiction to me, hell I shouldn’t be permitted to hold a gun, let alone a pen or a keyboard but lucky for me the NRA I think are total gun nuts.

While I despise most people, the NRA that protects guns more than children for example, what does this say about me, if you checked out my NEW Pinterest boards there aren’t many guns, but pillows, puppies, whatever we’re naming them this week are plenty? I guess that makes me a bad guy but a bunch of weapons I can keep in the closet… I am sorry that makes me such and such a person so to answer… yes I do love guns, but sorry I won’t be joining the NRA, but since my writing stinks, who knows if they’ll see this, still sorry not sorry.

For the #MeToo movement um, something, something, sorry I don’t respect women as much as you think I should, though I think I’m a sweetheart mostly but in the end how Do I Love Guns.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 283 ~Ok, I’m Up Now~

WillLeave a comment

Which is more exhausting, writing a love story or trying to live one and doing both, I’m going to start having to write a bunch of reasons just to get out of bed, to be honest. “Ok, I’m Up Now” the question is what to do

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Lesson 283 ~Ok, I’m Up Now~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today, not that it matters to my dog and any fur babies you bring along and a man needs all the love he can get these days, the best part of waking up I believe. You know I’m not a big coffee drinker, so I will take eight hours when I can get them; though being a husband and a father might mean having to make do with much less, again just how the world works right now.

The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach rings right, and I do like bacon, just ask my parents, then again don’t that’s just something that tires me out but the food is good, bacon, pancakes, hash browns. Since my eyes will already lie shut, maybe a kiss or two would perk me up, a reason to look up as I’m usually asleep on my belly if I know I don’t have anything to do in the morning but just my luck… As the song goes love lift us up where we belong, have you been playing with my playlist; nothing gets me in the workday spirit as much as Easy Street.

What about when the work day’s through, maybe that’s why I spend so much time writing now so my other books will be few and far between; with all due respect to Skye Warren, I just can’t produce novels that fast. You might have to wake me up to write though, and that will be far easier when I get to quit the day job at some point, talk about motivation to get up. Love, you are plenty but how am I supposed to get anything done, if I was a sculptor, well then again I’ll find some other way to love you, my angel.

Though there is something to be kept about the classics; the two-legged children or six if we count all three of them, speaking of things to produce fast, because if I can tell when my dog is crying at two in the morning… If I know I can see your smile; that I can feel how you “Love Me Like You Do,” and everything that might require more than words. Who would need an alarm clock to wake-up any day?

As for this moment, I only want to cuddle with you and watch wrestling though it gets a bit boring at; Ok, I’m Up Now.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 282 ~Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage~

WillLeave a comment

What is a second of courage, an idea, a step, eye contact, a few more seconds, one foot in front of the other, and still there are more and am I facing oblivion yet, five minutes, an hour, what is twenty seconds that? Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage

Monday, April 9, 2018

Lesson 282 ~Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage~

Twenty-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, how can I be; I’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that the world will come to an end any second, so I’m forever trying to survive until the next five minutes. If I make it give five more, anyone who knows me can say I am a stickler for time unless I feel that whatever it is no longer matters, e.g., my day job, once upon a time I would show up fifteen minutes early.

Sometimes Madam Justice I can easily blame my OCD, but for the most part, it’s fear because when it comes to something like “women” as the song goes “Can We Talk.” Hell, I’m not asking for fifteen, five, hell I’m not asking for even a minute, all I need is twenty seconds, that’s the hard part. What can a man do in twenty seconds, I know women who would have some interesting answers, but men can destroy the world, or you can save a life, you can give love “If Only For One Night” and some might even offer forever.

Honestly Madam Justice I have yet to decide what type of man I will be even at my age, but unfortunately, I have yet to be a brave one, though people have seen different sides of me. Here’s the thing though, let’s reread the rule, I am focusing on “courage” when I should relish on “insane,” and that is something that most will not deny about me, this is something I utterly believe above all else. So if I can get the time right and feel what others think to be insane, as in I have great courage, what is stopping me, there is nothing.

I mean come on just today I have wasted over three hours of my life on something I believe has no value according to me… I am starting to sound like “Cherry” no matter how many times you tell her something she won’t understand. Maybe that’s the trick, thinking I’m insane when it might be the rest of the world, and I’m normal, sort of like that story that the girl told in Veronika Decides to Die: A Novel of Redemption, see how crazy I am becoming these days Justice.

I could be crazy enough to tell you why I didn’t go to prom, well more a story for Inspector Echo am I right? Anyway sometimes I think I see the bigger picture, and other times I only want to live the next few minutes well, sort of like “The 13th Warrior” but most of all I want to be the man I know I can be if I show Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 281 ~Flat Of Your Back~

WillLeave a comment

I went to work today but not the day job, but some real work that I’m missing “WrestleMania” for so the question becomes am I having fun yet, can I go and lie down now that the hard part is over. “Flat Of Your Back,” not again I don’t think

Sunday, April 08, 2018

Lesson 281 ~Flat Of Your Back~

“Next time, you will look up at me from the flat of your back.” ― from A Knight’s Tale (2001)

To Will:
I Am Not Fine Today and in case you haven’t learned this by now “let me sleep on it” as the song goes isn’t truly helping anyone, well not you at least and maybe your bed is telling you something. Just another reason you can’t spend all day on your back, remember that brief bit of time when you wanted to build that dungeon of yours, “The Black Room” hell your bedroom has become one posh prison cell.

Now as they say, to everything there is a season; if you recall the reason you started sleeping on your back was just an acknowledgment of the work day tomorrow, ready to be “up and at ’em” but you’re no hero, wage slave. Speaking of old sayings how about “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” you’re trying to be free of the mask, but you’re still pretending, still hoping that you won’t have to wake up tomorrow, the bed has taken a tomb’s form. Wouldn’t that explain a lot, like sleeping on bricks or stones which means your back should know what it’s like being against the wall? How about it’s difficult to use a laptop on your back though it keeps the “Fapping” to a minimum and how about those six impossible things you have:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 022 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 029 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Not “Beg,” ”Cherry or Okay”
Partial Completion, Flirting (Cherry’s Lifestyle and Okay’s Tight Behind)
4. I Will Complete 50% of “VLAD.”
Failed 30%
5. I Will Start My New Book Today
Completed
6. I Will “Get Out” Of This House Other Than Shopping
Partial Completion (“The Miracle Season” and “A Quiet Place”) two movie visits

You want to be on your back, and I can’t blame you, the world is a hard place, but you can make it less of one if you get off your back now and do the work. If lust is the key to everything then your bed, no your beds because you’re going to have The Black Room one day have to be comfortable and bouncy, don’t forget bouncy. You do enjoy when girls know how to ride if you’re interpreting “Pony” right, but that’s just one more reason to be on the flat of your back but what girls have been around here lately? What about being on the beach someday just resting, didn’t you get eight hours last night in bed, another excuse to want more sleep but you can’t write your six impossible things from the flat of your back you know?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 029 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Announce My Book Camp NaNoWriMo
4. I Will Complete 50% of “VLAD.”
5. I Will Write A Review
6. I Will “Get Out” Of This House Other Than Shopping Or Movies

If you want to lie down you should at least make it comfortable right and have some company that isn’t shedding 24/7, the dog’s hair does not know what to do in this weather but if it’s going to be cold, you should work. Will if it’s hot you should be sweating on your keyboard, not lying in bed on the Flat Of Your Back.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 280 ~I Missed Health Class~

WillLeave a comment

When was the last time I wanted to get out of bed, not needed, not have to, not a challenge, no I only wanted to get up and live… is it too early for Christmas and can I be a kid again and go back to school. I Missed Health Class.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Lesson 280 ~I Missed Health Class~

Hey Lady Luna,
I Am Not Fine Today because I missed health class, not all of it but probably more than Sex Ed, only this is America, so most kids missed that conversation, to be honest. What I mean there are plenty of things about health that I should have learned being an African-American and all. Personally, I never dreamed I’d get out of my teens and with diet, a brain only a zombie could love, the cops, let’s say things aren’t looking that good.

You may be wondering what brought all this up; maybe it’s the fact that I have wasted yet one more day of my life in bed. Except for walking my dog and nature’s call, I’ve been down for the count. What honestly baffles me is the concept that I have held my day job for almost seven years and in all that time, I’ve been late once, and I’ve called out once, been too sick to stay one time, and left early maybe twice. One of those times was for another job, and the other was for my writing career, and yet I’m not writing today, am I Lady Lu?

I wasn’t learning how to survive on Pop-Tarts and toast, maybe pizza and Rotisserie Chicken every night, am I complaining about food and money right now? Lady Lu they don’t talk about when you’re so depressed that your body follows suit and you’re weighed down by something as light as a blanket. How about cold, the weather has been like something out of “1408” hot, wet, frozen, wasteland but every work day I go out into that, and it’s killing me, but I have a billion excuses as to why I can’t do for me.

Speaking of killing, I haven’t had a run-in with the law for the longest time but from searching on Motherless.com to my Pinterest boards being knocked out, to Facebook collecting intel I could face arrest for a great many things. Am I still hung up on the Pinterest thing… tell that to the hundred or so episodes of General Hospital I have yet to watch and just might give up.

Health Class wants to teach you to stay strong and not just lie on your back which goes right back into how come there’s no sexual education at most schools. I’ll tell you what I haven’t learned today, how to deal with an ever-growing weakness pervading my body but hey Lu I Missed Health Class.

“There is only one rule that binds all people. One governing principle that defines every relationship on God’s green earth: The weak are meat, and the strong do eat.” Dr. Henry Goose, Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 279 ~E.T. Doesn’t Know Me~

WillLeave a comment

I have all the quiet I will need for the next few days, and I saw two movies this week so much like the family in A Quiet Place what is it I should be doing… surviving, and my book should help with that right? E.T. Doesn’t Know Me

Friday, April 6, 2018

Lesson 279 ~E.T. Doesn’t Know Me~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today but look at it this way they don’t call me big head anymore then again people talk behind my back still, which might explain this backache and the headache. My, oh my is that sounding like I’m writing another excuse but what else have I written today; my name that might as well be mud, how much money do I need so I don’t starve or how hard the pizza man needs to knock on the door.

While I’m busy not helping myself, how about that review I still owe for “Galahad Suns,” how about being an active participant in my writing community, and speaking of reviews, what about “A Quiet Place?” I swear anytime I find a quiet place I want to sleep, to “drift” and no I can’t blame the movies, I mean I always find time to talk to my girls and myself don’t I? More like I still have time to listen, to go crazy, hearing things that aren’t there like all the characters in the book I’m not writing now, again those backstabbers, and worrying about what to say to the pizza guy in a little while.

People loved E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, and yet the government wanted to cut open that big head of his and figure out what was in there; sometimes there is nothing more than hopes and dreams, sometimes it’s the finger that holds power. I said before that I don’t grow because I can’t afford it… is that yet another excuse, traditional publishing cost a whole lot of money, but my ideas, my dreams, this noise in my head continually grows louder and louder. If I was back in school, I imagine that everybody would compare me to one of the creatures in “A Quiet Place” (old habits) hell I do feel like an alien in both this world and the one that I’m building in my novel.

Me and my big head, that’s Mr. Bighead to you, maybe that’s why I like scary movies and sex, I enjoy the sound of screaming, well making other people more so which keeps me up to write because my head is so dense. No wonder I look down so much, mourning a dead man all the time, a career that will never be but still I should look to the stars, one look, truth be told E.T. Doesn’t Know Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 278 ~Something Beautiful To Spare~

WillLeave a comment

Destroying all that’s beautiful seems a messed up lot in life, which is why some take so much for themselves and the rest of us, a diamond in the rough, a lily amongst the thorns, “loving can hurt sometimes.” “Something Beautiful To Spare.”

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Lesson 278 ~Something Beautiful To Spare~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Fine Today, but I can see everything now, for I have never been one for beer goggles, and I’m out of anything that gets me high, but I will accept I’m superficial, okay let’s say downright shallow. My drug of choice is sex, but I need the premium, the highest quality, I need that rush; some will say a life’s worth of porn will do that, but I prefer more than “The Missionary Position,” something inside me always has demanded more, awe-inspiring dominance.

I’ve been thinking about “Slaves To Passion” a lot lately and how Kaoru begins to use his former master’s wife and daughter to create art and after a great “sacrifice” he creates a grand work of art but then has to go home to his sexually frustrating wife. He loves her, but he cannot dare to do a quarter of the things he did to other women, he tries, and it doesn’t work for either of them sadly. I also mentioned yesterday “The Screwfly Solution” where sexual longing becomes transformed into a violent rage, where a man would take a woman to his bed instead well, don’t be beautiful ever.

My point is women I don’t find attractive could be lucky or unlucky, the reason this is unfortunate is that I want nothing more than to end it quickly, to fight, to be mad, but fortunate because I don’t drag it out, at least not with them. When a beautiful woman gets me riled up though, that anger, rage, that fire, becomes ravishing and that is what I dream… what to be beautiful, instead to “unleash the beast” but not precisely in a Purge sort of way. An enemy has but one purpose, to know destruction but a rose that cuts you, a puppy that bites you, a story that warps you can be pruned and grown, should know to submit and must be trained, can be polished and made into a masterpiece, the master himself is better as well.

I am the monster Dirty Diana, but the Beast sought to hurt those who threatened Belle, but he did not “eat” Belle, he locked her in his castle, commanded her, but during gave her a library and a wardrobe, he cared for her. He may have frightened her; he may hurt her as a man because this is what men do. Only by the beauty, she carried inside, and yes she was sexy outside. He knew healing; the beast was made handsome, he changes dramatically.

An ugly woman outside is one thing, ugly inside, I can hate but I take no pleasure, beautiful within *sigh* is my loss, but give me a woman beautiful both inside and out; I only ask Something Beautiful To Spare.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 277 ~Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest~

WillLeave a comment

It was a miracle that I didn’t go off, how about the fact that I didn’t get into more trouble, that I don’t have more problems, though I’m far from no worries, which included getting into the movies. Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Lesson 277 ~Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today but the day is nearly over. I tell you when you wake up in the morning; you can be at peace with the fairer sex and in five minutes before my shift ends you want to stomp #MeToo, wonder about The Screwfly Solution” and all you take from the “The Miracle Season” is volleyball players have cute butts. One sin Inspector Echo, all it takes is one, and then you know why there is a Highway to Hell, one big freaking wreck.

Now I am not a gentleman though I may “try” but you want to know what I want Inspector Echo, I want to go to bed and in a quest for that, five minutes, some “woman” the store custodian is busy having her social hour. I’ll admit I could have been nicer, but you spend your entire shift unloading a truck and putting out merchandise. So I simply tell her to watch out as I step over her bag of trash and pass a make-up “girl” who was taking pictures during her shift. “the word is “excuse me,” she says behind my back… she’s lucky the words weren’t “move bitch, get out the way” honestly.

I also wanted to talk about the termination of my Pinterest account; because undoubtedly some woman was behind that and I suppose I’ll be fending off emails for the next few days wondering what the hell happened, they won’t tell me. How quickly the day changes, from one humiliation and anger to the next, plus it’s late so that is another thing I will have to know forgiveness for, a lack of eloquence. How about rage, I was ready to march right back in there and have a face-off with the janitor, why not try that with my boss hmm?

I swear Inspector by the end of the day I engaged in all seven deadly sins and most before lunch, but it all began with one bitch who would instead party than doing her damn job and the thing is what didn’t matter to her after five seconds will stick with me for five months. You still remember why I have been writing for two hundred and seventy-seven days right, I swear I feel like Adam thinking oh Eve you have done it now dear.

Forgive me for not listing out every sin, for my exhaustion, for my rage and madness, but there is a reason Hell is an eternity thinking Excuse Me, Miss Pinterest.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 276 ~Put Your Feet Up~

WillLeave a comment

I should probably be searching the world while I’m by myself to find my future but aren’t I too busy building Heaven… maybe the dog likes to eat, but I will “try” to find dog-friendly hotels while I’m planning a vacation. “Put Your Feet Up”

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Lesson 276 ~Put Your Feet Up~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today, and I can tell you aren’t either; after I catch the dream girl and our kids. It seems we are always playing catch-up and with that, the truth is, we could use a vacation. I’d preferably not do a whole lot of walking, sandals, and flip-flops aren’t my thing but only long enough to stick our toes in the sand is enough.

I want to walk hand in hand with you on those trails I once took by these lakes in the old neighborhood I used to roam, I mean I would sit by those lakes and write… nothing against fishing but it would just be me and my notebook. What about something usual like Disney World. A whole lot of walking, standing, and more chasing, shall I become a prince against and seek out my princess, or maybe I’ll smile as my daughter rejects the Jedi and joins the Sith, we could even travel the world in a day, World Showcase.

We could travel the world honestly; it’s funny that I was thinking about not taking one step out… still a possibility but there is so much to see, so much to do, a whole new world. My parents were traditionalists, so I only know Disney in Florida and Universal Studios really and speaking of which, things to do without the kids… The Purge Horror Nights would be right up my alley. To me, that would be somewhat equal to taking you through Michael Jackson’s Thriller, or we could do Saw; maybe a real zombie horror show; looking for a reason.

Why not pull out all the stops how about Japan or China, there are so many places I want to visit, Pairs is the city of Love and Amsterdam… what I don’t drink a lot and cigarettes kill, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been high. Yes, you’re my angel, my princess in a tower but the whole idea is not to work for it. Only, for now, I suppose that is what we’re doing; America, America as the song goes, but we will take pictures with our phones and cut off my incredible Purge playlist just saying.

Yeah, we’ll put our feet up on the couch and play some Fortnite Battle Royale or PUGB and order a pizza because, Every Day Will Be Like A Holiday when my baby comes home because you been running through my mind all day so go ahead, Put Your Feet Up.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

WillLeave a comment

I talked about taking ten steps last week, and now I don’t know whether to stand or run, but at the end of the day I can’t lie down, but isn’t that what I did at work today *sigh* then again I might need that breath. People Lie, Don’t Stand There now

Monday, April 02, 2018

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

Twenty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, but I am not dead yet which is one of the meanings of this rule; this is but another way to say that I will not join the dead. I will not wait my turn; I will not mourn my life away or even dance on their graves as much as I may want to. The second concept of this rule is a lesson I learned again today, people will lie about you, people will want you to stand for this, but if you hold to their lies what else can you do but fall?

“ let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” Kylo Ren

Given my many chances with death or maybe just this moment, I don’t want to die, the plethora of zombie entertainment shows an overwhelming majority when faced with the dead, stand and fight, or they run, but all choose to live. I have never been one to mourn the dead, my grandmother, aunts, more family, and maybe you could call me heartless, but I do not wallow in tears or even blood, because I can’t swim, there’s a rule in there somewhere, right? Once those that hurt me are gone why do they deserve another drop of sweat, I got my quart of blood, in the end, I need only move on, always keep moving.

“Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Now call me a hypocrite but in the same token when somebody lies on me, sweeps something under the rug, I move and I find another place to stand; take my general manager today, what did he make me out to be today, a coward. A man would have moved, a man would have gotten in his face and asked him, who the fuck does he think he’s talking to, does this man think he can call me out like this, an on a racial note a black man tearing another black man down. Allow me to break a bit of a personal record since I haven’t mentioned that bitch in a while but my name is Will, capital WILL and I’m not skeevy, creepy, or some would-be obsessive. She’s not worth the time; I’m just a stupid guy that liked a more idiotic girl.

Some falsehoods should be lying in the dirt, that doesn’t mean you have to dig each one up and the ones that you do, you expose, no more skeletons will find a home in my closet. No more masks either, as I ponder which one to wear today because I know the truth don’t I, People Lie, Don’t Stand There.
“Truth is singular. Its “versions” are mistruths.” Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear