Lesson 334 ~Just A Love Machine~

Brothels are targets and others who work in the legal sex industry by the government, but boys must have their toys, and for once I don’t mean guns. Personally, I would settle for a PS4 and a copy of Detroit: Become Human. “Just A Love Machine?”

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Lesson 334 ~Just A Love Machine~


Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, wait why am I asking, because that’s what you do right, then again you don’t ask to kiss the girl, to make love, or hell to fall in love, no wonder men and women are in serious trouble. We’ve forgotten what it means to have simple relationships, where every word can get you into trouble, the idea that we analyze and scrutinize everything, that some resort to crime because what is love and sex is mechanics.

If you’ve been listening to me these last few days, you know I have become “obsessed” yes, that’s the word some use with me but what about the new game “Detroit: Become Human” or more to the point the characters Kara, North, and Chloe. Stupid I suppose how often I fall for characters but what about real women, I wouldn’t call myself a love machine but more a laugh factory and don’t we laugh at those guys who buy “Real Dolls” yeah and I spent a year writing to Abyss Creations. You see the internet is full of companies advertising fake girlfriends, bots all over the place, and what is a dominant but someone who falls but for a submissive and uses those traits to serve themselves and the relationship?

Where would I even begin designing the perfect lover though I’m sure a few girls know my tastes and give it another year or so and there will be robotic lovers, and this is the way the world ends. Now I could tell you all about the sex, check the warning but it happens you know, a guy not being in the mood, I suppose we are the sum of our parts, the penis one way, my heart breaking, my mind angry, and most of it over a video game. I’d say I wish I was a machine and with my whole “No Fap” policy I feel like I want to explode but if I leak anything, it will be tears, sweat, or blood, not that I’m into that type of play to be sure.

Machines have been letting me down lately or more like the people who write shows since I’m only talking about TV and I didn’t have to watch that walkthrough, but I was hooked you know. I know what humans are capable of and here we are, as we created God in our image so too we develop machines, to do things that humans are having a hard time with; yes sex is one thing but *sigh* Just A Love Machine?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 333 ~The Stench Of Defeat~

Can you smell what the Will is cooking, despite one good endorsement everything else around here stinks to high Heaven, or maybe that’s me, working too hard or scared of looking like I’m hardly working? “The Stench Of Defeat”

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Lesson 333 ~The Stench Of Defeat~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, even when I can’t smell what The Rock is cooking, maybe when all there is to breathe is more shrimp or microwave dinners. I’ve never thought to turn the oven on since being here. How about the stress sweat but I’m too lazy to go looking for the commercial, I should probably go and take a shower if I wasn’t nearly drowning already with so many waves.

What about so many smells; it took me forever to get out of the scent of gummy bears I ripped into after work; my cooking range is limited enough, but today, I’ve only had barbecue chips and candy. Speaking of limited time, how about all that time spent tagging clothes at work today, when everybody looks at you as a failure, when you try to help a coworker, and you overstay your welcome, not to mention good ole S.A.D. It doesn’t help matters any that as hot as it is, I’m wearing my security blanket, my hoody for most of the day, you know right?

Cleanliness is next to godliness they say, but I’m just a man, and if anything, men do stupid things, I got a bit into “Manscaping” all because of women, and at this rate, it doesn’t matter, to be honest. Hell Inspector Echo how long did I go without a shower during all my days of writing oh yeah and spoiling myself watching a walkthrough of “Detroit: Become Human,” I’m addicted, but that’s only making me work harder on my writing isn’t it? Yes, that’s what I’m doing, I’m spoiling because if you’re not living you’re dying and either way it goes all I want to do is cover myself in something dirty and some green.

Preferably I would instead go with cremation but when it comes to dirt, the muck and the mire, something that straight up stinks, it’s the ideas that come into my mind, and that’s not stopping anytime soon. What about the elephant in the room, I’m the shit, or I should believe that because this is the only way anything is going to get done; with as messy as I am now all I want to do is sleep in my cool “clean” bed just saying.

I’m sorry Inspector Echo, will you forgive me for stinking up the joint, for being too hot under the collar and in my pants, for neglecting myself in this and for the dirty mind that keeps me sane, ooh that smell The Stench Of Defeat.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 332 ~Bend The Knee Will~

Still struggling with my phone, all the girls text me nowadays, and that beats all the news that you can’t avoid these days and there wouldn’t be if people were allowed to take a knee, kneel to whoever or agree to love one another. Bend The Knee Will

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Lesson 332 ~Bend The Knee Will~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, you know how I feel about God, but here I am wondering “How Do You Talk To An Angel” without my phone that is, hell more “like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite” right? We fall in love, we can’t help ourselves because sometimes love is sick, it can be Heavy In Your Arms, and perhaps you’ll kick it under the couch, yeah aren’t we all fond of our phones my love.

There is nothing wrong with a man kneeling when he plays with his children, to think my “father” always spoke about my hair as a mess because I would be on the floor playing, that man knows nothing about affection. What about my first born, my little four- legged son is so short but I’m always talking to him, letting him climb in my lap, feeding him, and he’s not getting any younger. Neither am I; you can hear the crick in my knees, a man takes care of his family, and that doesn’t mean only financial obligations baby girl.

Then again I want that phone back, boys and their toys right, but there is a time to stand and didn’t I, right beside you, and ever since then, by your side, back to back, again I’m not one for God, but you’re my rib.

I have a spine to say I will kneel with those players who are protesting the injustices of this country and I will stand against those who wish nothing more than to destroy the ideals of our home; another thing to love about you and why I love us. This love I have for you, for all our children, for the place that we call home; if they don’t let people kneel quietly in protest we may be in for a world of trouble indeed.

There is many a reason to kneel, and you might have been the greatest one of all, the Greatest Love Of All, The Sweetest Taboo, and look who found their phone, and you’re mad but “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg.”

So “Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong” or maybe I should be running, I have to stay in shape a bit, but we’re still not becoming some football watching family despite how I support their reason to protest. Now the kids are calling for their rendition of “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” so guess I’ll “Bend The Knee Will.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 331 ~If It Exists, There’s Porn~

I won’t take credit for this rule or a lot of them to be sure, but this one is a fundamental concept when it comes to being online, and at least I know the law, the rules unlike some in our government. “If It Exists, There’s Porn”

Monday, May 28, 2018

Lesson 331 ~If It Exists, There’s Porn~

Thirty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, even as I sit here and reiterate one of the fundamental rules that guide the Internet; I can only still estimate what brought about my fear, but my introduction to this concept was “Tenchi Muyo!” and movie channels.

One can only imagine who came up with this rule, indeed how do I come up with mine Two Hundred And Forty-Six and you know the plan is Three Hundred And Sixty-Five but this single rule governs many men. You know I have been working on my poetry compilation and every girl who made that list some time ago has porn online albeit a few fakes, but you would think that some of the actresses would crack down on this maybe. I’ve seen designers upset that game girls are used in such ways but again nobody honestly stops it and with how the government has been cracking down on escorts and brothels recently… does that offend you more than dead children, hell nearly everybody nowadays.

We are all trying to live in a fantasy because the real world; I don’t know anymore but I’ll admit, I’m a slave to it myself. Here I haven’t watched one episode of “Game Of Thrones,” but I have at least three actresses in what “Cherry” calls my spank bank, Pinterest. Before you shoot me; a dirty look, check out all the girls, cosplayers, “Killer And A Sweet Thang” anime, movies, Cherry herself. I’ve even had a mom send me a naked picture, any woman that says she doesn’t want someone to find her attractive physically is a liar but “#metoo.” If I told you half the things I’ve looked up from Sunday to now, my what you would think, the lesser being those girls from “Detroit: Become Human” Kara and North, coming soon possibly.

Maybe the real world has become nothing more than one big porno or at least a strip club and like everything else we want to record it, HD, CG, 3D, hell IMAX and if it’s between sex and death I will choose the former. In both, the stakes keep getting bigger though because nobody wants the rule of law, the rules, and you know what kind of guy I am Madam Justice, people make me worse because I don’t hide but I should I think.

Sometimes at least and I take my sickest, vilest, most depraved and perverted desires and lock them away but if you ask me I’m an open book, free and open Internet for everybody but still If It Exists, There’s Porn.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 330 ~Say Another Perfect Day~

I suppose if there is a God, that my life would be one of those running gags in some decent sitcom, looking at you HIMYM, your ending sucks but I reached The End a long time ago and now one more day of editing. Say Another Perfect Day.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Lesson 330 ~Say Another Perfect Day~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, how about a month from now, more like Thirty-Five days but who’s counting and who wants to “score,” still hating math with a fiery passion aren’t you? If you can’t love future you, we know past you is out of the question but I am proud you’re working on your poetry again. Less adoration more sex but what has love ever gotten you, a bank account, a doggie, two or three girls that don’t want you to die, are you thinking positive yet?

You know the future doesn’t always have to be a negative concept and of course, the worse day of your life will be here sooner than you think and there will be another NaNoWriMo run in July. How about how this week is already beginning to look, you need the money and any day where you don’t have to wake up and to get it counts as a plus strangely enough. Could this No Fap be paying off, speaking of paying off what about those famed Six Impossible Things hmm:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 71* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 78* No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least Four Chapters Of My Novel
Partial Completion, Didn’t Read Out Loud And No Chapter Titles Yet
4. I Will Complete 50% Of Whispers In The Dark
Completed 93%
5. I Will Post A Review For Avengers: Infinity War
6. I Will Edit Sixty-Five Poems (Poetry Book)
Failed Processing The First Fifteen

Now I saw this question in “36 Questions To Fall In Love,” what would constitute a “perfect” day for you. While I’m sure I’ll have a better answer when I finally have a girl on my couch; I was only having a conversation with a friend, not in that way. You know the world would consider you effeminate for thinking about your wedding day, but can you even remember having a truly blessed day and not how Christians define it. For now this day is far from perfect but finally getting a book published, being able to afford everything on your new wish list. How about this longing because as great as you’ve been doing with No Fap you nearly blew your load to Angie Griffin, “Okay” or Reagan Kathryn almost last night remember that?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 78* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit Five Chapters At Least Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete Whispers In The Dark
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Maiden” by Celia Aaron
6. I Will Edit One Hundred Poems (Book)

Perhaps you are setting your hopes too high, but we’ve discovered that having a list of goals does help, though that last review didn’t come so easy, and that might be another perfect day idea, when you don’t have to make excuses, this is fun right? I’ve seen “Better Days,” okay I couldn’t say that with a straight face but I always believe that you will and yet we understand the world will end any day now, so weird right?

Weird, beautiful, freaking crazy, these days can be a whole lot, but for now, your job is as the song goes Say Another Perfect Day.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 329 ~Let’s See What Sticks~

Nothing brings humanity together like destruction and doing it alone is almost a criminal act but why not keep it all to myself; well, I have a blog and no published works, I’m sure people will find something else. Let’s See What Sticks now

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Lesson 329 ~Let’s See What Sticks~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, even with as dirty as that sounds or maybe that’s just me and my filthy mind? You know everything continues to pile up, albeit in smaller amounts but still. It sticks with you like my feet to the ground; how long does it take to learn how to walk and here I have to remind myself always to pick up my feet, to lift up my head, shoulders back. My “father” says I look weird; he would prefer I keep my eyes on the ground, a reminder.

I’ve talked often enough about how I’m not growing any taller because I can’t afford it, and how I feel so heavy because of everything that I’m keeping inside, like a reverse Pandora’s Box because Hope fled some time ago. It’s like “Pour Some Sugar on Me” already, maybe I’m not procrastinating but I need to find some joy in my life and even when I’m not watching the world go to Hell, what about all these created worlds. Watching “Detroit: Become Human,” reading “Whispers In The Dark” by LeTeisha Newton or even reading my works is doing nothing to make me feel better but these are things that stick.

Did I ever mention how much I hate glitter, and that sticks to everything, I wonder can fire burn that away; maybe that’s it Lady Luna, that I miss the anger, but it’s always there against myself, even at this moment. Everything I’m doing to stay awake, and when I do, I can’t stick to my task because when I think about what I want to do, you know honestly the world doesn’t need that from me or anyone else. Another reason to keep my head down, while possibly staying alive, you don’t want to know what the world has to offer because what do I do, take it, steal it, pay for it, and only, so I want more?

Again with my sugar diet, donuts and chocolate, quick meals not to live but to waste more time, wasn’t I suppose to have my poetry book ready to go this month and I can’t get past the first girl, a hundred poems out of how many? To make yet another pop culture reference yeah right, Fahrenheit 451, we are burning everything, and the sad thing is when we run out then the fire dies and bring on the darkness but then you can’t read the writing on the wall right?

That’s what I want Luna, maybe that’s why I relish sex, the feel of traditional books, when’s the last time I bought one of those, I want actual game discs, I keep my dog close, him and all his fur. I want to remember what it is to feel as the fire dies away, Lady Luna Let’s See What Sticks.

I Will Have No Fear

How Long Is Infinity Avengers

I think half of us don’t feel so good and the other half can’t wait to see what happens next and to believe there was a time when I was young that I thought the Power Glove might have been the meanest thing, ask Thanos. How Long Is Infinity Avengers?

Four stars are just the beginning if I can count how many moments I have thought about “Avengers: Infinity War” throughout my day, how about how many tears I’ve cried if I were the crying type or how long it took me to catch my breath. How about how long my heart stopped but if there is one thing you can count on is an Avengers movie to be awe-inspiring and how hard it’s been to keep my mouth shut other than one word, Wow.

I can honestly say for one moment that I was utterly bereft of hope to see something like this, and I wanted the movie to be longer because I couldn’t believe it, and yes this is a superhero movie, but still, I expected I don’t know. As far as the cast goes, I can’t single out one single character because they were all so incredible, how all their movies meshed into that of the greater Marvel universe and I still can’t believe people walk out at any sign of the credits I mean it’s a MARVEL movie people. This film will leave you utterly speechless.

Now with the appeasement of Fandango, what the holy hell was that; I will be the first one to *sigh* the usual endings of this type of thing, and I should warn you now there will be spoilers near the end of my review. Usually, I tend to ramble, and I think Marvel tends to stretch their movies, but this is probably the second movie I sincerely wished was longer next to Black Panther because with Infinity War it’s like no this can’t happen when it’s all over. Let me also say that besides the ending that will undoubtedly draw more people, I think Marvel are some geniuses when they again put Black Panther as the last movie before this; I’m surprised there isn’t more noise considering, to be honest.

The comic fans though must be feeling pretty smug in their superiority, Marvel has me I’ll admit and yes without a doubt I will see the next movie, but I won’t be buying the comics anytime soon, strange since I try to read books before watching films. Here you are reading my thoughts on the subject though; anybody (there’s a tumbleweed) well how long has Thanos been working towards his plan, my perspective is over with a finger snap perhaps.

In the spirit of full transparency, I’ve not seen every single Marvel movie, my list of reasons spanning from, I think Natalie Portman is hot, or I like seeing heroes fight each other, and one of my favorites, I’m an African-American man. So instead of listening every single film that I have seen let’s focus on this one, stop me if you heard this, bad guy wants to do bad things, and a group of superheroes that aren’t exactly friends must stop him somehow, someway.

How to blend so many different storylines, there are sure to be a few misses, not that it takes from the movie at all but they don’t go unnoticed and tying everything into a cute bow is incredibly impressive. Visually and maybe I’m jaded by this point, but it wasn’t the most beautiful place, but you’re mesmerized in the world and everybody I suppose drifts to their favorites heroes which is again a hit and miss with me. Of course, we get the Stan Lee cameo, which is one of those things that I can’t honestly comment on seeing as how I’m not this comic book fanatic but something that I look forward to considerably.

As far as villains go, always you have to do your research since they can be as replaceable as villain A, B, and C, along with an army of henchmen or let’s say cannon fodder. Honestly, we all just wanted one big fight right. You’ll get that sure enough and Thanos for me I was a lot more impressed with his mindset than his imposing figure, seeing as how I am a fan of The Purge Franchise no doubt which can be a scary thought. Comedy-wise, the jokes hit their mark though there was one moment in particular that made me cringe and no it wasn’t the ending but will get to that one misstep.

Think of Avengers: Infinity War as a more colorful and happy “Watchmen” with a more significant body count, Marvel vs. DC can’t say I have ever chosen a side but if we count the movies I’ve seen, I like Batman but sorry DC. Avengers: Infinity War is different from its other films by the fact that you want to learn about this world and everything in it. As in most of the flicks, you have a moral question, but they gave me a book so that I could understand the Infinity Gauntlet, I want it.

If we’re going by the Fandango scale I’ll give it four out of five stars, yes I know I’m hard to please, and I become upset over the dumbest things, but the fact that this movie didn’t have me looking at my watch is saying something. How about saying this, don’t look any further than here, this movie won me over, I’d see it again, I would buy it, I’ll see the next one but enough time has passed so yes spoiler alert, just saying.

The moment that made me cringe and yes this was so freaking dumb for me to care about is when they arrive at Wakanda and Bruce Banner is wondering whether or not to bow to King T’Challa, and he does. So yeah it’s a bit of an awkward moment, can’t stand stupidity for stupidity’s sake. Then we have Thanos and minions, can you say Darkside, more comic book wars or what have you; Thanos’s plan, is excellent and the fact that you might be able to see a bit where he’s coming from I believe. How about the fact that some major cities have bared the brunt of evil and suddenly Wakanda is being asked to throw everything into this, to me, it’s a bit unfair but whatever gets fans.

As for the moments that got me to geek out, must I say this with every review, yes because I don’t like to lie or omit and in this day and age men are being taught saying anything will get you in trouble? *Ahem* I adore the ladies, in particular, Scarlet Witch and Black Widow and where’s Valkyrie? The battles always get me but I wanted to see more of what the Infinity Gauntlet could do before Thanos went for the main course, and I wished the fight was even more detailed, I mean not just the heroes. Spider-Man and not the end but that moment Tony Stark knighted him somewhat into the Avengers and of course the ending that I never saw coming at all; who is Captain Marvel?

I’m hoping I won’t end up like Annie Wilkes seeing all the sequels that will be coming out to explain all that has happened; I’m somewhat surprised there wasn’t more of an outcry except against Star-Lord. No use crying about it now since you can see if Thanos got to you “didthanoskill.me” but I doubt any of us will be gong long, until 2019 but How Long Is Infinity Avengers.

Lesson 328 ~Backstory, I Say Back~

Somebody once said that we need to remember our heroes but heroes can only come made from tragedy and while I write horror aplenty, or I’m “trying” to because I’m no hero, hell I’m no writer even, a hero’s work never ends. Backstory, I Say Back.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Lesson 328 ~Backstory, I Say Back~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, I then ask when did I stop loving you, even when I saw “Solo: A Star Wars Story” last night but no worries this isn’t a review, because as you know, I have had some trouble writing those recently to be honest. On the one hand, it makes it simpler to keep writing my six impossible things but on the other, how creative am I these days.

I know “I’m Not The Only One,” as every day my country continues to burn a little more and notice I say (my country) because normally I’m not one to speak on patriotism, but it seems I have no choice, though I’m not in the NFL. Another day I’m sitting here getting ready to write and get caught up for an hour reading about more school shootings, someone knows praise for killing a shooter at a restaurant, and even Morgan Freeman is in trouble for sexual harassment. Yesterday “Cherry” even told me that my post was a bit like a conversation we had about sex some time ago, and maybe I was in a rush because I wanted to see Solo, more questions than answers.

A constant theme in my writing and maybe that’s what today’s lesson is all about, yet again, why is it that I never seek the answer but am forever reiterating the question, even now I find myself living out my past through someone else’s eyes. Don’t they say; you don’t know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been and maybe the sad thing is I want to rewrite the past, the future can be all sorts of scary. Finishing a book I’m reading, or writing, wanting my childhood not to be so terrible because the future is looking far from “Glorious” and ain’t that something when wrestling would honestly get me going once.

Perhaps the last thing I need is anymore backstory, but at the same time I can’t go all “Clint Eastwood” fighting off my future, and yet again I’m a broken record with access to a smartphone but so is everybody else, take a look my job, bringing back the dress code. Job rules, my country’s laws, and to think I once said they could do with an update but as we are learning that’s not always a good thing right?

Who even cares if history is written by the winners, well rewritten and 1984 will come sooner than you think so should I look back, move forward, and what I’m doing isn’t truly living so if anything there is so much writing to do, no more Backstory, I Say Back?

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”
― George Orwell, 1984 (1903 – 1950)

The Twilight Zone, Gabe’s Story

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

No means no without question, but in this day and age, people are neglecting the issue, some are truly bad, some are cowards, and as for myself well chains and whips excite me as the song goes. “No,” Your Safeword Please for all our sakes maybe.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~


Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, that would be a no right, no means no, just many of the ways I respect women, though the last time a woman stopped me… yeah, I was trying to get her bra off, a scary prospect even for an experienced dominant. Horror, fear, terror, I’ve told you before we’ll have the “Ravishment” conversation, hopefully, before Lesson 365, we’re getting closer and speaking of getting close, why should I be afraid?

“What’s wrong?”


“When women start to scream,
it could be misconstrued.”

“Just keep going!” ― Friends With Benefits (2011)

Social Anxiety is one thing but once I have a girl on my couch or in bed that brings about several new types of fear and unlike social anxiety I happen to like this fear, this adrenaline rush. Scared of talking to a girl I maybe but I’ve never been scared of a girl physically, and I have one that would rip my clothes off if she had a chance and another would slap me if I kissed her. Power means responsibility, desire, fear, I’m sure there is a rule in there maybe, but I would never say no to such things Dirty Diana and who does anyway when it comes to those things maybe.

“Them girls only know three words:
stop, no and don’t.” Silas

“Uh-oh, my brother.
You got those words backward.
They always tell me,
No, don’t stop!” Jamal, How High (2001)

Sometimes I’m afraid of the beast that I will unleash like something out of The Purge “Release The Beast” I’m not crazy or anything… says the man with a bunch of outfits in the closet but sometimes I want to fuck a princess, others a schoolgirl, and then again Alice In Wonderland. How it terrifies me that I might not have everything I want but when have I ever been left unsatisfied, I’m not that complicated, controlling maybe, emotional, passionate but I would never allow a girl to go wanting, and I don’t want to find myself as such. Most men would never admit to being bad lovers, as for myself; I guess you would have to ask a girl, but if I had the courage I have in the bedroom in my everyday life, I might never know fear.

I know “No” though, and I told you about wrestling with a girl once, and she stopped me, and other things but I’ve never forced myself on anyone and I never would. Only I see these men do horrific things and I get labeled as such for what, a brand of love. Green, Yellow, Red, are a bit too normal, I guess I like creative women, but anything surely beats *sigh* “No,” Your Safeword Please.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 326 ~Thunder Buddies For Life~

No fire here but warm enough, of course, that’s why I have a smoke detector, not so much for myself but to keep the dog safe but as they say, who watches the watchmen and can blankets be capes? “Thunder Buddies For Life”

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Lesson 326 ~Thunder Buddies For Life~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again after seeing me afraid, I know I say I Will Have No Fear every day, and then I wake up from that dream, earlier than I want to as I did last night to the sound of my smoke detector. You know when I was a kid I didn’t have a teddy bear, I begged for years for a dog that I could cuddle with, I walked around with a blanket, not like Linus back then I only figured I was cold.

Here I am a grown ass man for all intents and purposes, and maybe I’m making up for lost time, which is today’s sin; when my smoke detector went off (dead battery), the dog and I freaked out. Since I couldn’t get back to sleep with the annoying beep, I had to find a battery and a chair to stand in, and my dog stayed by my side the whole time even barking and growling at the beeping though he couldn’t see it. For the last twenty minutes of sleep, I could get he cuddled closer to my head trying to calm me down as if he could keep me safe from what was bothering me; my one Mean Teddy.

It’s not just his comfort though; I remember when we first moved here I told him we had to take care of each other because it’s only the two of us… and my “father’s” money of course because it’s not like we got any warmth from him. Speaking of which my hoodies, doesn’t matter if it’s too hot or too cold, I’m always wearing one except for showers and bedtime; y one big security blanket, right? Even outside the house, at work, everywhere I go, a hoody or long sleeves, I’m a step away from being Eugene Porter with his Grimbly Gunk, I know it.

Then again like him Inspector Echo I consider myself a coward but what cowards must people be every day that shoot the innocent both people and animals, sacrificing children so they can feel stronger with their guns and the sad thing is I still want a gun myself. We all need that something to make us feel safe at night, whether it’s from burglars, bugs, beeping, what have you and here I have a Chihuahua, a hoody, and some weapons from The Walking Dead honestly.

Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for being afraid of the things that don’t matter, for being a man with no woman in his bed I seek warmth from a pet, some blankets, and fashion choices, for wanting to be like everyone else sorely afraid *sigh* Thunder Buddies For Life?

I Will Have No Fear