Month: July 2018

Episode 011 ~How Lust Last Forever~

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How old is Barbie, Galatea, or the Mona Lisa, I suppose I could look them up, and if I asked about Stormy Daniels career, I would only be some guy that likes porn, and you wouldn’t ask about the beautiful woman. How Lust Lasts Forever?

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Episode 011 ~How Lust Last Forever~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to write about her other than she’s hot, I’ll wait… yeah no one can sit forever, but these words should they ever know a publisher; I don’t want everyone to know how “freaky-deaky” I am, what turns me on as if that’s a secret one can hope. Novel talk might be more of a conversation for Lady Sophia but seeing as how I’ve getting inspired by two porn stars “Stormy Daniels” and “Bryci,” a Cosplayer “Angie Griffin” not to mention an ex-love interest here and there truthfully.

Of course, names are changed and let me say that the library has worked out for me, forces me to keep my hands on my keyboard, and I don’t want to look up porn, I know I have plenty saved up. I also haven’t bothered with being polite like with a love letter, a road I’m Never Going Back Again, because it’s creepy when you know the author, back when I wrote for other people, guys ended up fucking some beautiful girl. Men write songs, produce films like “500 Days of Summer” one of the greatest lessons I ever learned when it comes to writing.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.”

“That guy had a lot more sex than me.” ― 500 Days of Summer (2009)

One more reason I’m a dominant, I want to make an impression, that I can’t only be some standard dick to ride, that I want a woman to remember, as the song goes “guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one-night stand.” I want a woman to Stay With Me; in a way, they all do to be sure. I can fuck a woman until she can’t walk for a bit. Until she’s speaking so many lies over the phone so she can Stay, and of course scarves and her lingerie are fun to be sure. So when I finally find my forever will I quit writing, of course not, I’m even thinking of ways to incorporate sex with Camp NaNoWriMo other than erotica, if I find YouTube distracting or a blowjob while driving what about while writing novels?

I still remember when getting my porn fix meant praying for HBO, Showtime, Cinemax to show some soft-core or stealing my father’s pornos, and when I first discovered Hentai, now those were some fun times. I have never forgotten that I’m a guy that likes boobs and that girls what, That’s What I Like, breasts, eyes, thighs, though I have my preferences as always though not set in stone but honestly How Lust Lasts Forever?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 010 ~A Question Of Literacy~

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I can lose myself in a decent book, a hard class, or a pretty face, but while some I eventually come to understand the others well… let’s say all the fiction in the world isn’t helping me deal with liars. “A Question Of Literacy?”

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Episode 010 ~A Question Of Literacy~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to keep going, discipline, character, fight, heart, I could go on and on as I listen to motivational speeches every day, I’m not ashamed of that. If you’re curious, I even had a self-help phase, along with a religious one. If it weren’t for reading, I probably would have taken my life years ago and while I still adamantly refuse to listen to audiobooks, Audible for example, those speeches, these books I read on Kindle… such is salvation.

I’ve said this before, but I can’t read people, not face to face anyway, I’ve only ever put down three books in my entire life, but I’m ready to write off the human race, or such as my novel dictates. Do you know why I took French in school Inspector Echo, because I wanted to learn the “language of love” as it were, and where did that get me; I failed that class in spectacular fashion. My “father” wanted me to take Spanish, what so he could call me STUPID in a whole other language; I’ve never been so fortunate to fail a class. However, the pain I read well.

You know what I haven’t been able to get off my mind, as always the day job and you know who, offers a strip tease for my dog and me, now that’s what I heard but translations as follows “I like you,” “I’m fucking with you” and finally “TROUBLE.” The things we choose to see, to listen, to hear, and to understand and I can’t understand a word like “Clean” at the day job, all I know is it scares me, it gives me such Anxiety. I have spent my life in books, both reading, and writing and it seems the question as to why I haven’t published one becomes quite clear, I might as well look at porn and Pinterest, like a male version of “The Handmaid’s Tale” maybe.

Don’t get me wrong a picture is not worth a thousand words, but if I write the only word I see is monster, and the same goes, for watching a pretty girl dancing, I need only look at myself in the mirror, and I have all the instructions I could ever need. So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for not thinking much of audiobooks, my course failures, for wanting to read some girl, my fear, my “success in progress” and for my somewhat sour mood, I’m tired, reading, writing such A Question Of Literacy?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 009 ~Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions~

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As the song goes, I got 21 questions; okay let’s be fair, I’m still working on the number. I tried to ask a girl the 36 Questions To Fall In Love Once, but I’m not much to look at I suppose. “Peppy Poppy’s 21 Questions.”

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Episode 009 ~Peppy Poppy’s Twenty-One Questions~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to not believe you; honesty, loyalty, trust, all side notes in a Crazy Little Thing Called Love because I don’t intend on losing my heart again once you found it, my soul, as beat up and as damaged as it is. Maybe those are my first two questions. You have the heart to look for both, and when you found them, I trust you to take care love.

Don’t worry I’m not jonesing to ask you “21 Questions” I don’t even know what all those questions would entail since I continue to ask you only one and that’s why… what did I say about believing in you? I guess you could ask me the same thing, why should you trust me, being a fiction writer with my ideas, are these my desires, what do I truly believe in, seeing I tossed away faith? It’s Only A Paper Moon, it’s only Lady Luna, another way to live, to see beauty in the darkness, to pay the bills, though that last one was a bit harsh, I suppose people have lied to my face far too often. Writing can be scary, or so I’m told, but that only shows that it’s sincere, and you can believe me when I say writing is what I do. I do it because I love it and I’ll let you know I love you every day, I’ll write it down, and I will show it today, forever and always.

That’s all I Ask Of You, that you do the same, and I’m not asking for a full-blown work of art… am I honestly calling my work that, but that’s something, will you tell me what works and doesn’t, will you tell me if I scared you, will I wake up to I love you? When you walk away and make a promise with a sultry smile can I believe it, when you ask me something do you wish for an honest answer; when you stood by my side, was that forever and a day? How about when you’re peppy can I trust that to be accurate and would you tell me if you were hurt and if I’m in pain how I imagine that you would keep trying even if I were mad, also if I turned you away, still if I said I didn’t believe you baby girl?

“I held him close and said nothing, all the while telling him silently that he was loved. Oh, but he was loved.” — Me Before You

More than anything I want to believe you, I want to believe in you when I don’t even trust myself: you and the dog, and that our children love us, because being with you makes me happy; if I ask you 36 Questions To Fall In Love, Back At One or Peppy Poppy’s 21 Questions.

“I know we can do this. I know it’s not how you would have chosen it, but I know I can make you happy. And all I can say in that you make me… you make me into someone I couldn’t even imagine. You make me happy, even when you’re awful, I would rather be with you – even the you that you seem to think is diminished – than with anyone else in the world.” — Me Before You (2016)

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

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Do whatever you have to and I know I’m nowhere near polite with my writing but it is my passion, it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life for a variety of reasons, most I’m still attempting to WRITE out. “Passion The Will To Win”

Monday, July 09, 2018

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

Fortieth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to stay here as the song goes, I’m still at the library writing and talking to you when usually I would be at the house asleep by now, of course, this hasn’t been the perfect day, anywhere near but I’m up. Not in that way, not anymore besides what happened at the house and then going to work, speaking of work there is no passion there only the need I suppose to survive one more day.

No Madam Justice writing is my passion, and my name is Will, now if I stopped thinking with my willy and get some work done which is one more reason I’ve switched locations because I keep my hands on my keyboard. The question is will I win and I have to believe that I will, the first sign of passion is that you are willing to do whatever you “love” for free and not to toot my own horn only the words have flown for how long? Now if I could take this philosophy to every other aspect of my life, you know like have a passion for standing up for myself, perhaps to get the girl and one more?

How about the passion that I carry for all of my fandoms, I’m pretty damn loyal to “The Walking Dead,” “Detroit: Become Human,” “Into The Badlands” and plenty of other things. Of course, you’ll bring up women; I remember years ago I wasn’t passionate enough about my damn name, but when that rage bubbled up, I wrote a pretty long rant about my job, and things changed. I would say I won but what happened today… brunettes are but one more clue that life, in general, doesn’t give me anything but the passion for being somebody, for being better that is what gives me the drive I need to do something in my life honestly.

I’ll have plenty of time to write about it today, that’s right I should be well on my way because while I may have already screwed up my six impossible things, winning five of them is something, but I need to win them all, All I Do Is Win. That’s passion, for being the best at everything that I want to do because the life I’m living now… most days I wonder why I’m getting up truthfully, From Now On, Passion The Will To Win.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

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The first post of year two and I have to start off with failure; I feel somewhat like I fell off the wagon but let my new addiction be my words with the life I want to make perhaps reshaping my Matrix as it were. “Whenever You’re Ready Neo”

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason for failure; there isn’t one, now regret, disappointment, Idiocracy sure but if there is one thing I’m sure of is that you’re lazy but each week is the same thing though this one was particularly difficult. You should be in a more positive mindset I’m sure, something you should focus on but I can’t fault you for feeling the way you do, high hopes.

This week looks promising, and you’re even working in the library though if this went as well as yesterday; you didn’t go to the movies though, and you need to keep fighting that feeling especially now. Would it help to get rid of all the stress *sigh* thought you already did that but there was nothing there waiting for you other than release and now a fight uphill since you gave into temptation. Now you’re not Neo, okay I’ll stop with the negative, and that’s a promise, but we have to go ahead and get the facts out of the way, those six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 120**) (Day 001)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
Failed
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least
(Total 15,400) Completed (17,010)

You know how you’re feeling you don’t have to say, but this week you have the opportunity to put a real dent in your writing, the dog is off punishment, for now, and the fact that, you know who didn’t show up; if anything that’s a win. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I have no real advice to share or I’m only wanting to be a man of my word and that’s never a bad thing. Don’t look at these as bad things. Honestly, I’m going to start sounding like one of those motivational speeches soon, but the truth is the truth you can’t fight it, these six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Visit The Library The Entire Week
4. I Will Complete 50% Of “Legacy of Succession” by Anna Edwards
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Nine Thousand Words Minimum
(Total 24,400)

Do you see how we’re upping the ante because you know you’re better than this, your dog thinks you’re the best thing ever and last week didn’t we discuss what you’re doing this all for and if you have what it takes to do it for work, then why not this? I don’t want to say anything that sounds cliché; save the brain cells for the writing… yeah you know I truly wanted to say something right there, don’t you?

Maybe we should start calling the six impossible things promises, would that help, or work directives. What you genuinely need is a Morpheus for when you finally decide to start getting some things done you know Whenever You’re Ready Neo.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 006 ~My Number’s Up, Again~

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I got lucky once, but I won’t dodge a bullet the second time and how I tend to count on so much or more like the times I’ve seen disappointment to be sure but I’m far from zero to be sure. My Number’s Up, Again

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Episode 006 ~My Number’s Up, Again~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to die though I feel that way regularly, not precisely suicidal; there was a time though I got a speeding ticket and I had no money and figured I only had three weeks to live; life or death how it always is with my father just saying.

Fifteen Hundred words, it took me so much time last night because of all the pretty girls, but I’m still hanging in there, “No Fap” and all, Day 119 and counting but today aren’t I suppose to do five thousand words? Am I giving up, am I making excuses, and I going to say that I won’t do it, I could go back to sleep of course and there it is, I could, between talking to you, writing that review on The First Purge, etc. Talk about being at a loss for speech because there is nothing I can say, keep writing and then asking myself what for, would I find myself published the week after next maybe a millionaire?

Forty-Six dollars is forty-six dollars, and already that’s gone, I figure I’ll go to the bank anyway because I have to find some way to keep the blog afloat and remember when I started it only took around eighty bucks. It’s also not helping that I’m thinking of some retail therapy, not to sound like a sexist but if sex is such a taboo subject, I can see why women are always buying stuff… coping.

Twelve hours, six-hour shifts, two days, I dodged one bullet when it came to working in shoes, but I won’t get so lucky this time, cleaning, what did I say yesterday about being illiterate because I don’t understand what I’m doing. What about the concept of “I’ll think about it” translating to my dumbass boss as “he’ll do it” dammit Lady Luna clearly like my father. If I were doing any writing you would think I’d write more black men as villains instead of somewhat anti-heroes, remember who the real enemy is, here I am a black man, and I can’t stand MOST black people.

“… but the truth is that I dislike most men as much as I dislike women. If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Now none of these numbers will honestly kill me, well at least I shouldn’t feel that way but you know “Anxiety” but that sounds like an excuse, and I have a million of them. Now yes I was doomed on day one (but it’s only July) *sigh* I’ve got to use my imagination to show why My Number’s Up… Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 005 ~Leave It To Printer~

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Every day the writing gets worse, either on my screen, on my face, on my sleeve, wherever as they say to write all you need to do is bleed and considering the pain these past few days. “Leave It To The Printer”

Friday, July 6, 2018

Episode 005 ~Leave It To Printer~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to write it, one reason not to; aren’t I always asking for reasons to be a writer, in middle school other than that story about turkeys I had my head buried in a book, nowadays it’s earphones. I also say I can never speak my mind; I’m always laughing, smiling, making some random noise because everybody has a story and I don’t want to read it or maybe I’m illiterate when it comes to people even in writing.

Of course, the killers in my latest novels are reflections of myself but why is it that everyone in my life can either, see my humiliation and my fear, and they speak it so the whole damn world can hear. Two, they think they have the right to write out my story, my destiny in their fairytales like The Adjustment Bureau and since there is no chairperson to be had? Three they don’t want the story to end, no more like I’m a joke but once you have the punchline there is no more fun, and that leaves me here broken, and if anything, I should be working on my story and not contemplating contacting HR again, for hurt feelings.

Excuse me Lady Sophia for repeating past mistakes; I do take responsibility I do put myself out there and let my critics eat me alive in case you were wondering why I’m so into the undead, in horror; killers for the most part work alone, but I face an army. I already said before I write these stories about how I think people should be then I live and I’m wrong on all counts and so what I write becomes well… “STUPID” and even now I can’t tell you the whole story. No, I leave that to my fiction, and nobody sees that either, but I was listening to motivational speakers all morning, and I don’t fear failure, I dread returning to my day job every day and being everything they want me to be.

If anything shouldn’t that be enough to give the printer whatever remains of me, hell shouldn’t I buy a new printer anyway, as always I need to take my writing more seriously instead of worrying about the blog amongst other things. Paper makes plenty of noise Lady Sophia, and with plenty of green, I still don’t know how to look at people or what will be their next fairytale, but all I am, my next novel Leave It To Printer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 004 ~Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions~

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While I never thought about being a wrestler, there was a time I was a big fan, and a part of me still is apparently, but I need more than a picture and more than a thousand words on most days. Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions, distracting.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Episode 004 ~Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to keep liking brunettes, girls with dark hair or crazy bright: Bayley, AJ Lee, Paige, Ronda Rousey, Askua, please stop me before I get into another porn downloading session. Don’t worry I’m still practicing No Fap, Day 117 and counting but it’s hard, it’s stressful, and considering how pissed I’ve been at “people” lately no wonder a girl like Alexa Bliss has caught my eye for the time being; what do they say, blondes have more fun.

Don’t remember the last time that I had fun, being on my back most days which only continues to push me towards the likes of Alexa and I can’t say I usually have a thing for athletic girls, but that’s because I hate most sports and wrestling doesn’t have cheerleaders. Why do I watch some of the Olympics again… though it isn’t cool to think about those Olympians like that with all the scandal only in this day and age it isn’t okay to think of most women like that unless you’re rich, a fellow victim or a convict. Hair color does not make the woman but since high school, I’ve had a type, and I’m starting to think I chose wrong, don’t judge girls by the color of their roots because in the end as the song goes… we’re all the same color when you turn out the lights.

“We’re all the same color when you turn out the lights” Fredro Starr, True Colors

What about words though Dirty Diana, I’m still working on “Apocalypse Rush” (Working Title) and already we’ve had gangbangs, kidnappings, and blood galore, but which do you think will bother people more, words like “cum dumpster,” interracial sex, or redrum? How about the Man In The Mirror, I’m no cover boy, no pin-up, and sadly the content of my novel doesn’t bother me. Instead, it’s the quality and how about the fact I have so many unpublished stories already. I would show you an excerpt, but character names need some alterations, you know inspiration, Angie Griffin, Alexa Bliss, the age-old question of blonde or brunette or redheads “courtwithconfidence” just saying.

I could name more but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words and truth be told I need around fifteen hundred for my novel today, so this evening hopefully I’ll be facing black and white aplenty and not Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

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Independence Day when even the freedom to be yourself can burn you, or you freeze in fear, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave indeed but I’m not a political type of guy but hey neither is Trump, issues. To Hell With Independence.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to stay here, how about my dog is comfortable, I didn’t get to sleep until three in the morning truthfully, or The First Purge is closer than you think; been there saw that. How about to Hell, have you never seen it, felt it, known it, I was there last night because as I told “Indiana Gone” Hell is repetition, and so you Put One Foot In Front Of The Other and leave.

Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

You see my sin here is that if we honestly wanted freedom and independence, why by my free will is a place like Hell permitted to exist, I’m talking about the shame I felt yesterday, tears cascading down my face did nothing to quench my thirst. How the blood boils and what about a witch’s brew the things that one can conjure in a man, now isn’t that a story idea? People in Hell want ice water and release but none was to be found, while I was busy writing before the new day’s sun there was desire burning desire, Alexa Bliss if I am to be specific, and talk about anger… I missed Smackdown.

Hell can also be isolation, in an attempt to escape my shame, my guilt, and most dire is the fear, when you don’t know anything and at the same time everything, the man in the mirror, on the page, right in front of them and you might as well be one of The Walking Dead. There are the days I feel so cold that I can’t help but stay in bed wrapped up, waiting for that fire of other people’s madness to force me from the house, only so I’ll freeze in terror. It’s when my eyelids feel so heavy from the tears that I don’t shed or that my life all these years is stuck, or maybe like when I was a kid taking swimming lessons, and I never got anywhere, but somehow I was able to keep breathing.

Moving because of fear is not freedom, standing because I believe I have no choice is not free will and living because someone else permits it is not independence, and then I ask myself do I want to be free? Forgive me Inspector Echo that I don’t want the answer to that question either though I have yearned for that one true freedom only if there is a God that’s one thing, there is a Hell, and I burn, I freeze, To Hell With Independence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

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If the love given to me is ordinary I would instead value weird as everything, love isn’t meant to be ordinary, and if life in misery in ordinary than there is nothing worse, I want a different girl a strange type of woman. “Do I Miss Ordinary.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to, and I would be lying if I said I have known ever fear and have found myself victorious because as much as I promise I’m Never Going Back Again I have days like today where I remember. Did I dare dream that once upon a time you were Just Another girl like the rest of them, you scared me like them, you could have been boring *gasp* and talk about twenty seconds of insane courage, my love.

Ordinary is sitting there watching them laughing at me, girls and maybe one day I’ll grow up and stop calling you all girls, I might not be a scared little boy. If anything I can’t call myself ordinary because you are Extraordinary. You deserve better from me. First I couldn’t look at ordinary anymore, but when it presented itself, with whispers and laughs, I wish I could say I didn’t waste my time, no if I couldn’t tell ordinary, to go to Hell how could I possibly be worthy of someone like you. I know I’m no prince to slay dragons though so many trials and tribulations and when I found you, so much for mediocre, or what was ordinary.

A girl is capable of making a man do the impossible, a good girl, even more, a woman, princess, queen, empress, goddess, shall I continue you made me capable of everything and anything. You made me let go of my hate today, as I said today I saw again who I was so long ago, even now I feel so pathetic and weak, and I didn’t know if my rage would consume me or my tears would drown me but being the person you are… The fact that I can never escape you and you don’t wish to be free from me, if it wasn’t my hate of them it was for myself, god my love for you transcends that of myself, but the fact remains I love myself, and that will never be ordinary.

I’m sure the dog misses his spot… he still gets bed space only a little less thankfully he is small, I miss the day like today where I could scream and yell at someone, I miss hate, I miss indifference, all ordinary and it shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t have been. Ordinary is me being a jester instead of a king; we can’t be ordinary; baby girl this is No Ordinary Love. Do I Miss Ordinary?

I Will Have No Fear