Episode 231 ~The Last Smile Will~

Some people make plans of how they’ll change the world, I have to find ways to shrink, don’t smile, keep your hands busy so they don’t become fists, new playlists to keep me centered. The Last Smile because how did one so many years ago turn out

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Episode 231 ~The Last Smile Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, be that kid you were once before; Glen Iris Elementary School. When you had a good head on your shoulders. Yes, I know you are taking responsibility, only remembering facts. Teeth on stairs, bat on the jaw, “father’s” voice in your head bouncing around those white walls.

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” ― Iron Mike Tyson

Hell, you didn’t even have a plan back then, you were merely HAPPY … now that’s a word for you. Last week with every conversation you’ve had with the girls you feel worse, hurt more and get uglier by the day. You think if you lost your job tomorrow; if the world comes crashing down that, there is no way you would recover. Because everything you utter, if anything would make your smile perfect. Compared to this madness? Think positive, yeah that’s those few seconds of ecstasy you feel, glaring at some girl’s tits. This week it was a cosplayer though last night it was the MILF’s curves. This morning you’ve forgotten which girl and speaking of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

How many times must this be repeated, as much as this list, at least you’re looking at a 17.5 F but anyway. The greatest thing in life is to be loved, if not be liked, barring that, respected. If not, invisible, and if the human race won’t this small thing allow, be feared. Strange you never thought about TRUST. That’s a big word for a Dominant like yourself and why you live in fear of letting that monster out. So you stay in the invisible, sounds like that cult mantra from The Purge but there’s no final release only more pain. Anger, Rage, Hatred, that’s why you don’t bother. Because you could walk around with the perfect smile, and the world would look at you like what? You’re nothing, and then when you are acknowledged. You want to be the joke, a father, a Dominant or these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Deception and Chaos” (Chaos #1) by S.M. Soto
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Maybe you should change the question. From How To Make One Million Dollars, to how to make yourself smile Will. Not that you will because you have six months left, to get that million, half a year wasted. Sounds a lot better than; even your age makes you feel ashamed. Better that, than some girl’s tits, horror story, or any other purpose you can dream. Your motivations continue to say everyone’s goal is to be happy, don’t look back, but what makes you feel that. Like this list, you can’t even remember you only grin and bear it, the gnashing of teeth. One day you will smile again; back then wasn’t The Last Smile Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 230 ~Will Puddin, Published, Genius~

Put your money where your mouth is, excellent advice considering my situation, and ten bucks; a salve for an itch I can’t scratch o maybe like a cat that’s what paper is for and even now a voice is yelling, stop that. Will Puddin, Published, Genius

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Episode 230 ~Will Puddin, Published, Genius~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, they keep staring me in the face. Her boobs, that boing in my pants, and books that remain unpublished and why. I’m not the good guy, the god-fearing man or a genius… aren’t I supposed to be positive after yesterday’s rant?

“All I wanted was to see her naked!” ―
Girl All The Bad Guys Want

https://www.patreon.com/Courtcarmody

Luna I have, don’t you know, not as much as I would like. I’m never going to let that go right; quite presidential, you start messing with people’s money, and it’s over. Court Carmody sigh compared to the MILF. The things men will do for boobs, because we are boobs and that ladies in gentlemen is the English language. Of course, that’s not as bad as my Math. Though $10.00 beats, um well; let it go, Elsa, am I right? So besides sex, money is on my mind, and again with the motivations. Don’t follow the money, but the purpose and I sit here having an inception moment. Remember all the people I blamed yesterday, and I told “Indiana Gone” today who I would most like to be? Larry Flynn, Hugh Hefner, Ron Jeremy, Dennis Hof, and another guy I’m better off not naming, again.

Okay, you get it a fat rich white guy that gets to have plenty of sex. These are men who have cash from young women getting nude being on camera, and working in cat-houses. That’s why I’m brainstorming or being lazy, your call. Anyway as I was having a conversation with Indiana Gone, I told her my dream. I have to get published, starting producing books like I’m S. Wolf, Skye Warren, and Larry Flynn combined. Until I can afford photographers, property, then head west. Everything Dennis Hof had, I want that lifestyle. No not the show but movies no doubt, a “love hotel” like they have in Japan, and with all this, I still want the love of family.

I’m not stupid, I’m staying positive, but I’m not a genius, I am a guy with a penis. Hell if I last the day, the first week of No Fap once again and I even finished Lolita. I was telling “Cherry” today who fashions herself a Lolita… she’s twenty-one, and I’ve never seen her boobs. Anyway, I was telling her that word here can lead to trouble. Since my whole bad teeth “realization” why is it that even my fingers are shutting up these days. Things I shouldn’t say like last night. I’m still thinking about my taste in women. They are either innocent virgins or women with bad sexual histories. Ironically I have seen all four of those women naked. Two I didn’t pay for but again how do I turn this into profit. I’ve offered both MILFS a deal, one though has her reasons and the other? I’m not shelling out that type of cash again. Because at least for now, or I would like to be, I’m only Will Puddin, Published, Genius.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 229 ~Will, Nope, B’s Daddy~

Why so down on myself today, a failure at most things in my life but then the ball of fluff has turned fourteen, as the priest exclaimed art thou happy or as Michelle Branch sang, are you happy now, the odds of seeing her boobs? Will, Nope, B’s Daddy

Friday, February 15, 2019

Episode 229 ~Will, Nope, B’s Daddy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, rewrite history, can I make math harder. Invest in bulletproof accessories sigh. The joys of education; my big three are not reading, writing and arithmetic though they should be. Only for me, it’s, stupid people, my looking stupid and honestly being stupid my dear Lady Sophia.

I got a taste of all three today but let’s start with the thought of using a pseudonym for my writing. I mean, all honesty it’s too late “Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom.” Thank you Karen Marie Moning, Alessandra Torre, Pepper Winters, Ker Dukey, and K. Webster. What was I saying about reading, since I haven’t been doing much of it these days? As far as using a pseudonym for my novels? So people don’t know “what” I am, you can tell plenty about a man from his reading selections, Sir’s Salacious Studies? Now I’ve never read “The Circle” by Dave Eggers. (I saw the movie). Are there more depressing, dirtier, destructive words? Well, of course, there are though I’m still hesitant to say them because of my “great” name?

Because I’m a parent… I don’t think B III cares. He is getting too old for this “crap,” and so am I, but he still has his cute face. I still remember the day a man offered me $500.00, hell people have written checks of up to $900. I write again and again that Triple B IS MY SON and at the same time he protects me. Will can’t do anything but B III’s Daddy will do anything. My actions more than back that up which is one more reason I’m writing late. I know Lady Sophia, take responsibility like S Wolf, Todd Michaels, or Vladimir Nabokov. There’s a reason I forget male “sex” writers, but they’re braver than me.

Smarter considering what women can say about a man. In most of my stories, a woman ends up spreading her legs. Of course, I’m a breast man, and I want to write novels about this. Worse because how much did I pay the MILF again and now I want to join a Patreon only to see some girl’s boobs. A crime and I was thinking of the MILF, the Cosplayer, two of my friends are all victims of sexual crimes. Hence my “attraction.” Makes me sound horrible right, victim-hood and innocence being a turn on. The thing is none of these people hide, not even M. Night Shyamalan so why can’t I be me. People are stupid, I looked in the mirror and saw it, and I failed a Spanish class and French so, in English. Will is scary, Will is skeevy, and Will is Stupid; Will, Nope, B’s Daddy.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 228 ~Up In Arms Will~

At this rate, my arms should probably be behind my back, but I’ve not one for my bondage as you may have guessed and other people, hell I always talk about a girl with fire, a lioness and yet to cage her? Up In Arms Will

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Episode 228 ~Up In Arms Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, songwriting; nope but it might not be erotica either. Not even scripts for the everyday porno. Seeing as how I found last week’s entry, too much to post, not wanting anyone up in arms, again.

Wow today of all days, I’d rather be up in some guts… see even now I want to call that crude, but I wouldn’t get all crazy about it. The world today, hell how about my day, as I say, idle hands… should I ask God some questions, “distress,” or talk to you? How about my wallet and indeed I like buying gorgeous girls pretty things. Though I’ve realized shopping for women and it’s not hard, listen, list, or like me. That’s all Dominant, your submissive tells you about herself, and you learn. She informs you what she wants or needs. Finally, you tailor her to fit you, Inception somewhat.

Honestly, I got one girl to watch the entire Star Wars franchise, minus Solo: A Star Wars Story. One more is into Erotica now, especially Skye Warren and why getting into a woman’s head. Now I’m not saying I’m a genius. What will I be doing this Valentine’s Day again? Hopefully not starting any more controversies. Ahem like porn tastes that have been sporadic as of late. From yes the MILF to True Teen Babes, to Cosplay, and we’ll get to that. How about “FUCK” isn’t the dirtiest word I know. It’s quite versatile now when you think about it, but come on, I don’t remember it being in my latest read. I utter it every morning and not in a good way. Some people would prefer I fuck someone up, rather than say it, write it down, or mean it in a caring fashion…

Caring, did I care what I said to that Cosplayer? Well, I didn’t know her history. Yesterday I told you she wrote that “statement” and between its horrific nature and my libido? How well do you know me? Shouldn’t my morals be less fluid than people’s genders right? Trump is wrong, what happened to this girl is evil, but it got me hard? Rape is a terrible crime, but Ravishment fantasies are fantastic. Trust me I’m all about consent SSC, RACK, Aftercare practitioner. No wonder I buy girls plenty of books and TRUST is a huge word for me. Only it seems no matter what I utter, my words leave women in some fucked up way; Up In Arms Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 227 ~B III Will Shatter~

Again another butchery but I am going to see a horror movie, and the only thing I ever baked was a cookie, and my little boy can’t have that; Happy Birthday B III, finally got your birthday picture. “B III Will Shatter.”

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Episode 227 ~B III Will Shatter~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars; well women and children first, and I do mean saving lives. Because despite my reading and let’s save fascination with the female form I am not so corrupt or forgetful. So Happy Birthday to my son, my little boy B III.

With that noted, I’ve been fucking up (language please) but ask the man in the mirror. I brought up reading, and something that truly terrifies me. These people that leave their babies in the car and now have to know to put something “important” in the backseat. I confessed to “Indiana Gone,” I thought I left B III outside once. Of course, he was safe and sound inside but the fact I’m rushing into the backyard yelling for him. He’s my child, I love him more than pancakes, and there hasn’t been a moment he needed something I haven’t provided. Today though, I went to take our birthday picture, and my phone was screwy, and what the holy hell is wrong with me. I was ready to drive anywhere to repair it today. I bought a new case; I nearly had a heart attack taking off the former screen protectors.

Which leads me to sin number two, I wouldn’t have noticed. I take care of Triple B, I have dropped my phone, once in years, and we’ll get to women. What about me; I swear between being late for work, my teeth, and everything else I was on edge. This morning it felt like everything was tearing at the seams. I went through my whole motivational playlist trying to keep going. Asleep on my feet and if I was awake it was because I was mad as Hell. Now my mind’s brokenness isn’t anything new but watching my body fall apart, and I don’t care at all. Why, because I’m worried about my damn phone? Wanting a PS4, of course, B III earned fries, the movie I have yet to see, Happy Death Day 2U.

So now we have women that I continue to make the same mistakes perpetually. Yesterday I had hoped but whatever, and then, of course, there’s the restarting of my writing — fact vs. fiction and how it makes me feel. For example, “Lolita” was the most boring thing ever and I owe yet another review. My heart broke for Whitney Wright “Prom Night.” I read this “statement” from “Courtwithconfidence.” It’s sickening what she experienced but here’s the sin. A novel, a porno, a real-life horror story… I was hot and bothered. So that’s why I ask forgiveness today; I don’t care to save myself, that was my thought at the day job. I study people, but the thing about my son, he’s strong. I’m looking for a girl I suppose who has such innocence and yet such a fire inside her. Only here I am falling apart over a phone camera. If somehow I treated myself, everyone, and life to the concept B III Will Shatter.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 226 ~Caesar Was Ambitious Will~

I think I was more like Brutus today because I completely butchered my feelings today but is it not ambitious to try once every week talking to the future wife, yeah that’s a job position nobody wants, Step Into My World. “Caesar Was Ambitious Will.”

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Episode 226 ~Caesar Was Ambitious Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe B III should have kids and though I agree with decreasing the surplus population as in spay and neutering “pets” I would never have that done to him and besides like father like son. We both aren’t ones to trust; you remember I would say, if you’re not my dog, my girl, or applying for the position don’t touch me and what anniversary is it again, just kidding but yes my love, you get the job, good night, good luck.

You see Caesar didn’t have anyone to cover him, but I have you, Caesar wanted the world, and you’re mine, and the Caesar salad… I think that is for Caesar Cardini actually, but you know I make a mean grilled chicken salad. One of many things I learned to make though I can’t say I have much range in the kitchen only the fact baby girl that I was willing to wish on every star in the night sky. Hold my breath until I found the right word, that I fell for you, Caesar was never so ambitious; he wanted the world, I wanted you. He landed at the feet of men, and how you love were lost in a graveyard; yeah pretty dark but how many men have wanted to win your heart and the fact is that Here And Now, I’m Still Standing.

Why… because of our little ones that want “Yoda” rides, or must my back remain strong to carry Triple B in his old age, hell I had to get stronger to bring you over the threshold, (I say that before Valentine’s Day, seriously gulp) maybe me and Caesar are more alike. Could it be that I wanted to wear a cape for once and be a superhero, you’re not in distress, you would be a great zombie apocalypse partner, or I can no longer deny that there is a Heaven when I lie down in bed and look In Your Eyes. The fact is I have chased everything under the sun because I wanted more for me, then for you, then for us and am I only now realizing I have it all right now.

You’ve Got It All over him, blood, sweat, and tears I’m sure and what’s that old saying, what doesn’t kill you… I’ve always found it funny that the first moments of love are like that, again falling, heart skips a beat, Take My Breath Away and all that. Caesar didn’t expect to die and still to be with you is Heaven; even if I conquered the world, you are mine, and the rest is yours, yet Caesar Was Ambitious Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 225 ~Someday Is Not A Measurement~

Someday is more than a song I played when I thought I was going back to juvenile detention or winding up in real trouble, and more than the idea of “Happy Thoughts” that should be in my reality. “Someday Is Not A Measurement”

Monday, February 11, 2019

Episode 225 ~Someday Is Not A Measurement~

Seventy-First Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, take it, and no I don’t mean stealing it though there are plenty of “legit” laws on the books to do such a thing, what I mean is I have the right to have a million dollars. You know before talking to you I had a ranting session in my “crazy” brain about the day job and what I didn’t do the last time I was there, which to quote Bob Marley & The Wailers “Get Up Stand Up.”

Now I’ve said for a few days that I do when it comes to the day job, there is no someday, I get up right when I need to, I fight to get there on time, there isn’t a someday I’ll get this right it’s I have to get this right. Someday I’ll be the boss… no, because I don’t want to be; I’ve heard about reigning in Hell, than serving Heaven but honestly I would choose death because there was no someday I’ll kill myself, sleeping pills, Nyquil painkillers, many aspirins. Someday we all die, no one day we all die maybe several times over because for every day that starts with Y we write in someday, and where is that on the calendar, the timestamp, ruler, hell how far is it from the bedroom to this table, to the dining room, to anywhere.

Forever and a day I could quote my MOTIVATIONS or give you another song like “Someday At Christmas” why Stevie, are we talking before, during, or after, how about when I dream of revenge against my father “In The Air Tonight” how old is he again? In 1984 Winston is told that victory against Big Brother in his lifetime is not possible, he will work, do what he can, be caught, confess, and cut from the pages of history, happiness indeed was not a possibility because what happens then. I don’t want to wait until someday to find out, but again we have fear. How will I feel when I get that PS4, perhaps that next day of work, if that mom I asked out says yes, it’s just a thing, mad as Hell, and she won’t, I know that.

Someday I won’t be happy because shouldn’t I be happy now or would I instead call myself out on my language when I curse; when I say someday, what I mean is never, maybe always means no, fear is choosing to be the victim. Madam Justice, I don’t want SOMEDAY, I wish today. I’ll play Detroit: Become Human because I have time, energy, happiness, ONE DAY I’ll tell every manager to fuck off because I don’t need their work, Wednesday or Thursday I’ll have dinner with a remarkable woman and watch a movie, I know Someday Is Not A Measurement.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 224 ~Don’t B Scared Will~

Besides being scared for my son, I’m terrified of my sins, and several superfluous bouts of reading I swear, the day job made me hate football even more so, and Humbert, Humbert, reminds me why I failed French. Don’t B Scared Will

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Episode 224 ~Don’t B Scared Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, back-breaking, behavior changing, balls, that’s B III and yeah you’re still attempting to come up with your motto, something akin to the “Fever” series by Karen Marie Moning or like “The V Games” Ker Dukey, K Webster.

You “heart” your bed as the kids say, hate it, hell head there more than anywhere else even though it’s doing the most harm and how can you say that when you wake up most days and there’s Triple B standing at attention watching the door, being a weighted blanket, buying time for the boss. Yesterday I talked about him being the man I most respected and why not… sometimes you think he has it pretty easy, but you forget that when you believe you carry the world on your shoulders, that your little hero carries you. Maybe you give some crappy belly rubs, or he’s always working, now ain’t that the word, work when’s the last time you did that for you and not someone else and they still wanted to fire you but with results, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Three days off so you have barely looked at the man in the mirror, in the chair, or honestly doing anything but with B III, he doesn’t want you to see him hurt. Nothing changes except how strong he must become, what should be worse bark or bite, are you his boy or father? Your Motivations talk about how to defeat fear, and it’s something to the tune of, find something even scarier, Triple B gets a nail stuck in his collar, so you go to the groomers, villains have to be smart to escape capture and Rule 145 Differentiate Between Sense and Censor. Rage, Rutting, and Rapture, any of these things are better to change you than so much fear, and if not now, then when, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Balls of all kinds and it’s something when your son loses his (not literally, I’m not a monster) anyway when he’s not brave somehow you have to step up, nails, neighborhood pets, nothing but people in this world his safety is first. As for now, he’s taking a break, sleeping on his pillow, while daddy works, his bandanna/cape still on because he’s still such the hero, the huggable one, a handsome hunk as it reads. Heroes save us for many reasons, and I told you what I would say to him yesterday but since you never listen to me if B III could talk, he’d either quote Scarface or tell you Don’t B Scared Will.

Go ahead stupid nigga
Go fuck with them chicks
I’m the third little piggy
Imma fuck with them bricks –

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

Honestly, I did not think I was going here today, more like little head instead of the big head, but what about a furry one, I should go to “PetSmart” more on Sundays no doubt, but I have my son, and I stand by him. Stand At Attention Will.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become the Secretary of Defense; believe it or not, there was a time in my life Lady Lu that I said those words out loud, I also wanted to be a war correspondent and as you recall I did a brief stint in the Navy. The words are Military Bearing; do you know why I tend to make all these “personalities” female save for one; I don’t think in my life there has been one man in my environment that I have honestly respected, on a personal level I will say.

Today I was at PetSmart picking up B III’s meds, and they had an adoption thing, and I saw the cutest little dog; this furbaby was a few inches taller than my son. Oh to let dear Trible B have a few years taken back on him, return to puppy form I’d give him a sibling. My father never taught me about how to be a man, he threatened to kill me before going into the military, I thought maybe they would educate me, but I left, one uncle cheated on his wife, another married in and murdered my mom’s sister. Never met my great grandfather’s, paternal granddad wasn’t there, maternal grandfather got divorced, another uncle shot and can’t stand, one more not indeed an uncle, don’t know him, or my older half-brother, “father” beat my mother too you know.

Okay so back to B III and as I stood there, a bag full of over a hundred pills, over three months that I wouldn’t hesitate to buy again and I saw this other dog that needs a home, a family and if my little one wasn’t so old, ornery, and obstinate… Anyway so I’m driving, and I’m listening to my motivations, talking about not letting the past control you and I think of how I am and my son and our future, and there it is his obituary coming to mind. Everything I want to say to him, that it has been my honor and privilege to be his father, that if I have a chance in Hell of getting to Heaven, it will be but a word from him, and that I’m sorry I failed him. No mother, no two-legged siblings to protect, I didn’t give him the home that he ever deserved.

I’ve said before I owe Will Smith my life and as far as my “father” a man must look after his family but it was my little boy, who is a greater man than I could have possibly hoped to raise, who taught me about love, life, even lungs as I watch him breathe and I can. I love him like pancakes I always say because I couldn’t love him more if I poured the “Bisquick” and we have walked together, fought, lived and if there is any man I honestly do respect and would follow it’s my son, pathetic huh but not father, flag, or female has gotten so much; Stand At Attention Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 222 ~Will Call You Later~

I use my phone for everything but calls, and when it does ring, it’s always bad news and when I have to call… well, I can’t say I’m any different, but there’s still tomorrow isn’t there but if I could call someone? Will Call You Later.

Friday, February 8, 2019

Episode 222 ~Will Call You Later~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, if all of my characters chipped in a dollar; well, probably more than that, and what about my “loves” and I am a little down on myself about losing “it” again thinking of one pretty lady in particular unlike the two in my blog last night.

As always there’s someone to call for stressing me out, whether intentional like my “father” or people that don’t know they’re doing it, like the man that came out to treat for termites. It’s my neighbors that I might have to wave to, and you know that I want children “two-legged ones” someday but that doesn’t mean I have a clue how to deal with them, I almost had a heart attack as B III’s leash got stuck on his collar. As for being trapped, the day job; it’s like being in room 1408 even if you leave, you never do, seven years of my life and that’s the thing, institutionalized maybe, what are my motivations always saying, when you want to “succeed” as much as you want that next breath, well there you go.

So I keep telling my characters that I’ll call them, today, maybe tomorrow, do you ever think that they could be out there and as a writer, a god you stop talking to them and what happens next. What about the Future Wife, Dirty Diana, whatever girl I was writing poetry about at any given time, remember my LSD Tirade with the Winx Club, before they got the black one? The fantasies, wealth, women, and the world will have to wait until I get up off my behind won’t they because in reality when the phone rings I either don’t pick up, dad, or the day job, what about the dumb spammers, one more worry.

Only I don’t worry about that man in the mirror that I’ve been staring at more and more since I caught sight of my teeth, sometimes I even forget I don’t want to answer anybody but especially not him. How about Triple B, when it’s not dark outside, and he’s ready to go out, five more minutes, another hour, one more day… no siblings, no mom, only a dad who’s ears are too filled with motivations, my promises, and monsters. Too many, I can’t hear the call of the man I should be, the woman that wants me, or whatever that force is I pray to, to protect my little boy but every now and again something does get through… maybe Will Call You Later.

I Will Have No Fear