Episode 273 ~Will Drown For Food~

Drinking more water, “trying” to get up and do some real work, staying cleaning and not lying in dirty clothes for the whole day; it all seems like so much that I can barely breathe but what’s the point. “Will Drown For Food”

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Episode 273 ~Will Drown For Food~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, if you need an honest answer, Breasts. Find a way to see Tits without paying. Get Boobs to pay to see Knockers on Knockouts. Find a Bosom you want to keep for yourself and make her yours.

You’ve started reading a new motivational book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Tomorrow will be different, but for now, it’s making sense. What’s one more chef like I talked about yesterday. Another mentor, more learning? Have you forgotten to be grateful? What you’ve learned so far is that you attract what you think about the most. So, of course, Ta-tas. You wanted to see the Cosplayer’s, and so you have. You paid a pretty penny to see the MILF’s, but you got it done. You saw “Okay’s” for free (for the most part) along with Indiana Gone’s. You want to see them, and there’s no shortage. If you put those on the list, you’ll be looking at 100%. Still, here we are, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
    Failed
  4. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
    Failed
  5. I Will Read Love The Way You Lie by Skye Warren
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

You have thought about that story of Socrates. How he nearly drowned a man on a quest for knowledge. Eric Thomas tells the same story about success. You know “when you want (blank) as badly as you want to breathe.” So for you, that’s girls. Now you’re also a student of Scarface and the things he had to do to obtain power. The old blood, sweat, and tears mentality of your hard work. That you have to know, you do?

However, there is an attraction. Controlling one’s thoughts. How you can’t imagine how difficult that is. The “F” Word no not “Fucking” (Language). The other F word. I’m reluctant to say because you know how Hemingway flags it as “uncertainty.” Much like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Write 10,200 Words For NaNoWriMo
  4. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
  5. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
  6. I Will Finish Reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

I know it’s hard to explain. It’s like your bed is a sinking ship, and you jump overboard with the promise of something to keep you afloat. Instead, Will, you climb back into that doomed ship. As far as you’re concerned you’re dead either way right? Only this is the thinking that needs to stop. One good thought overrides a hundred negatives, but you have a lifetime of that. Your sea is the air that you breathe. So if you’re going under anyway, it might as well be moving towards something you want. You didn’t have a laptop before. A thousand dollars was a dream. Women, that want to take their clothes off for money; who could imagine such a thing? Whether you’re a baby or a grown man, you know what you want. So yes, Will Drown For Food.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 272 ~Will Is Not Ill~

Stupidity is a virus, and it’s like everyone is afraid of catching it from me, and I feel like I’m living in I Am Legend, only me and the dog; so who’s sick and who’s well, I would never give those monsters the satisfaction. Will Is Not Ill

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Episode 272 ~Will Is Not Ill~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, I’m not looking for a miracle. If anything I only need to get out of my “hard” bed. Now isn’t it ironic that for the things I want I’m quite content lying here? Still, I will purposely kill myself to get to the store on time.

Now I can name some genuine, honest to God, ha, illnesses. It’s the season for POLLEN. There are Springs and Summers I can’t recall because my mother would keep me doped up on Benadryl. Only that’s before they tweaked the formula and yes I’m that old. There’s the massive case of BLUE BALLS I’m suffering now. I have once again wasted one more day. While I wish I could say in recovery, and I have slept, at least 80% of it was porn related. The other 20% is half Youtube and 10%Zweihander; to say nothing of my mental health. A toss-up between depression and rage, B III isn’t helping either.

No, I’m not that far gone, but it sucks to have to remind you anyway and anyone else. I would never hurt my son; I wouldn’t do anything to a girl. The truth is that it doesn’t stop him from flinching. Doesn’t stop the girls from running and calling me a monster. The world is sick, not me, and before you ask how can I be so sure. Well besides the fact that Hemingway will call me out for it. That’s the thing, too many chefs in the kitchen and I keep adding more. There are Grammarly and Hemingway for my writing. Brainbuddy and NoFap to be a better man. My motivations and books, to keep me going forward. It’s a snail’s pace if anything. I know it Lady Lu.

What I can’t seem to find is the cure. Only I’ll keep popping myself with a rubber band to remind me of my stupidity. Also to keep me from punching somebody out. That ain’t healthy. My life goals to own a brothel, “love hotel,” strip club, restaurant, movie studio, and everything else. Truth is surrounding myself with porn isn’t helping, now sex? Hell, I want to be comfortable around people. Tell me when I feel that the most? When I have my Negan swagger. “THEY” are treating me like I’m STUPID though Lady Lu, that’s it. I become one of the dead; slaves aren’t considered alive. I’ll call a woman a lot of things, but stupid is crossing the line. I’m better than that; I will be. You want me to be positive? I’m Not Stupid, or dead. I AM ALIVE; sex makes me feel that Will Is Not Ill.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 271 ~Self-Harm, Write A Will~

As Johnny Cash sang “I hurt myself today.” I’m not attempting to feel; if anything I am only to0 lazy to get out of the way of everything that’s hurting me and I find even cheaper ways to. “Self-Harm, Write A Will” how many have I done

Friday, March 29, 2019

Episode 271 ~Self-Harm, Write A Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, they’ve already created Band-Aids, Beer. Somebody racked their Brain mass for Twitter. Only for Trump to use it the way he does. No Lady Sophia I’m not about to get political, what good would it do?

First off I’m not that STUPID. Wait am I, leaving my bag at the Day Job unattended for a few minutes. Of course, my mind has written the worst case scenario, a million times over. Still, the only person reading it is me. My left wrist, all day, I pinched, I snapped, I stung. I am reminding myself not to be STUPID. While I only became even more so. Tell me this what’s the correlation if any between depression and RAGE. Is it part of being Bipolar. It’s one more reason I write. The general manager said I say that the whole world is against me. So I create a world full of people in stories. All so I can do the most horrible things. I can kill them one after the other ending up Alone Again, naturally, The End.

Only it never is, is it, I don’t edit. Grammarly and Hemingway, are seas of color. Looking over my recent blogs, I don’t recognize myself anymore. Lady Sophia, at the same damn time I do. Allow me to dive into my fandoms once again. I might as well be a head on a stick in TWD. I need a golden pair of scissors and a red jumpsuit like in Jordan Peele’s “US.” So I can cut up this crap. Is that why I’m hurting myself? It’s only a rubber band, but I can’t stay awake. My eyes are a bloodshot red SNAP. Look up, POP, lift your feet PINCH. On and on but the RAGE Lady Sophia. So much, all at me, the man my “father” made me in existence. I’m STUPID no matter what.

My words might as well be, a sea of white in the shower though I’m abstaining now. Hasn’t even been a week yet, like those times I went without eating. I’m making room for more pain that I deserve. I ask myself WHY; I’m not suicidal or more like I’m lazy about the fact. Which again makes me STUPID. That’s my new word Lady Sophia, an oldie but a goodie. I suppose “skeevy” well who knows I may have lost one more friend today. Math is one of those things that did the most harm to me. My writing is the only way I can harm others. Torture for us all, but numbers? I know how many friends I lose, money, time, how many words for a new NaNoWriMo shirt. And this is how I hurt myself every day my great Self-Harm, Write A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 270 ~Will Read In Bed~

Green, Yellow, Red, though I have always been one for brunettes myself, I can name quite a few redheads that aren’t pornstars; well until I head to “The Moonlite Bunny Ranch” someday, write my book, make a movie. Will Read In Bed.

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Episode 270 ~Will Read In Bed~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, opening a novelty store on top of all my business ventures. I can’t say it was on my to-do list. Plenty of girls are but anyway the Moonlite BunnyRanch has one. So “Second Circle Creations” needs its Merch as well.

Today, however (Tuesday 26th) “I’m just a little Unwell” as the song goes. I wish I could believe that this is all about women. I hate when pretty girls die, Enid, Tara, Addy. Relax, I’m talking about The Walking Dead and how old is Addy or Kelley Mack? I am not my father. Violence against women is a big HELL NO. Only I am a dominant, so in the spirit of SSC, I do enjoy some rough play. Still today the only red I see besides my eyes is my wrist, from popping myself. Okay, so I have looked up several “redheads” or the like today. I need anything just anything to take the edge of today’s ugly events. I’m so greedy Dirty Diana that goes without saying but here:

  1. Two Different “Addys” Z Nation, TWD
  2. Tessa Fowler
  3. Siri
  4. Court
  5. Ruby Rae
  6. Alice Little

Of course, that’s in no particular order. The red hair gets to me today. Yesterday it was blondes. Tomorrow probably goldilocks but it’s something about seeing dark haired girls. Decapitated, heads on pikes, reanimated that turns me off. Call me crazy but Frankie? You know that’s it. Enid, Tara, and Addy, I felt such attraction to but Frankie, I guess I didn’t feel the same. Not that she’s unattractive, but I think I didn’t see enough of her. Like my writing, I always need a muse in reality. Which also explains why I suck at it. Me being a louse, and how dare I make lists, that’s trouble. For now, my problems are named STRESS, HUMILIATION, and RAGE. I swear, my blood was boiling. I could stomp my way to Hell itself. Damn my wrist is ready to fall off with my punishments, you know.

Get your mind out of the gutter Dirty Diana; you remain innocent. I’m the guilty one and let’s not go into politics. I’m talking about my fantasies. You know I told you about my Purge TV story? Two runaway cultists want to hide with me. They are willing to do anything to stay the night. After The Walking Dead episode “The Calm Before” I’d like to be Prince Henry. I have to choose between Lydia and Addy (age appropriate). Could be a voyeur/participant. As Enid, Tara, perhaps Addy try to “convince” The Whisperers not to kill them by any means necessary. Cruel fantasies you think and haven’t I talked about escape. Should I instead be kept to the red of my anger? Some woman, book, or sweet dream. My Dirty Diana, Will Read In Bed.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 269 ~Was Will Calm Before~

Calm or depression, I feel like I’m sinking and for some reason, I can’t remember how I kept my head above this muck, blood, sweat, and tears, or so THEY say; I hate the water, and that’s what keeps me kicking, did I sail once. “Was Will Calm Before”

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Episode 269 ~Was Will Calm Before~

Forgive Me Echo,

How To Make One Million Dollars, I could start by cutting off Spotify, Patreon, Amazon Prime. However, strangely enough, I didn’t get into those things at the behest of anybody. Okay, so lovely boobs but let me continue. It was only last week I said I get into these things because of women. Now don’t get me started on obsession but when I get into something, writing still isn’t direct among them. I go full throttle, Nonstop.

When I was back in school, I fell into the Pokémon craze, who was I before? Now, who does my family prefer? The boy they made feel so worthless that he wasted hundreds on webcams? The one that’s so full of hate that he doesn’t speak to them. The one that spent more on Pokémon games, Gameboy, toys, more. Humiliations galore, having to walk back into that mall and return all that stuff. Now that was nothing compared to the Harmonic War, The Fall, The End Of The Rainbow, and dare I forget SWEETNESS. Girls are fucking Medusa (LANGUAGE). How about when I got into Alycia Debnam-Carey. In one of them, she was standing next to Alexa Nisenson. Then Almighty Pinterest sent some ominous warning. Days later I hear from my mom the police are in the area. I worry about everything there’s no doubt.

Fear, Worry, Guilt, but today is about obsession. Now I don’t even want to think about the Day Job. All the humiliations I have possibly endured inside my mind. Because today is Monday and I have to attempt to get out of a shift. Dammit (LANGUAGE) I don’t want to obsess about the Day Job. Only The Walking Dead 9×15 The Calm Before; you know how I’m addicted to The Lore of the Dead. Sunday I was researching any known gods of Flesh and The Carnival of Flesh from The Purge. Anyway and I’m not ashamed to admit this and why should I be. I ranted, raved, and raged, and shed a few tears for all those characters that died last night. Hell, I should become a reactor yeah, though it’s far too late or I’m pretty lazy, I know?

I take that show as gospel. It takes so much to disturb me, well media-wise. Undead heads on pikes have made my list. I even woke up “Indiana Gone” as I grieved. She knows of my obsession with the dead. Only like any drug, this was a bad trip. Inspector Echo, I apologize that I become obsessed with anything that I know doesn’t make me a loser. I ask forgiveness from five women; so far. It scares me Pinterest can think I’m depraved. I’m sorry for laziness and having my nightmares, Was Will Calm Before?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 268 ~A Will Of Curiosity~

I wish somebody knew me as well as my dog, whenever somebody asks me questions about myself, it’s for dirt, if they read me, they are looking for the worse in me, and nobody appreciates my fandoms yet when I ask about someone. A Will Of Curiosity not

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Episode 268 ~A Will Of Curiosity~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, figure out dogs, I know my son. B III loves Milk-Bone MaroSnacks, and Vitamin Treats; hates Dentastixs. He twirls when he does something of merit. He sits outside the bathroom door when I take an evening shower. He knows me, a part of me is sad because like father like son. What you know can’t hurt you. We’re both sticklers at clock-watching; I hate being late; we both want to assess our environments. He loves me, and I love him and when it comes to people?

I believe in love at first sight. So when I first met you as Elton John sang “If I was a sculptor…” Now while I could never excel at science my curiosity, creativity. My craving is never satisfied. Life is about learning. Liking is about belief. Love is both evolution and revolution. However, as you know, I am not a man of faith. If you like without understanding? Well, I’ve said before they make love seem like the scariest monster that’s ever existed; like room 1408. You know I like horror movies. Triple B knows not to bother me during The Walking Dead. You both know that last Sunday’s episode The Calm Before; well nightmares.

You see I want to learn how to love you. I want to know everything, but if you ever asked me how I want to be? You’ll probably beat my ass for saying this (LANGUAGE). Only I want Autumn Reeser, more to the point Taylor Townsend. Yes, I have a thing for brunettes. Okay, even more to the fact, somebody that gets all my references. You know how we can lie here together and rant about what just happened on the show, the horror, the horror sigh. We try to sleep and then we spend the morning watching YouTube videos, venting about the same episode. B III might be my ultimate weapon. How long did it take one of my friends to win him over? Four months, talk about being an excellent judge of character.

Curiosity killed the cat THEY say but satisfaction… One more reason I’m still walking. Why I like zombies and why I love you. So much that my life is an open book and I’ll again tell you I have my secrets. So you drink from the well that is my madness. You sing I want to Sink To The Bottom with you. Or are we Dead In The Water? All this is coming from someone who’s terrified of the water. But why do you scare me so much more? Unlike swimming I’m learning, wanting to know A Will Of Curiosity.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 267 ~Success’s An Option, Failure’s Not~

What do I want at this moment, to get out of a shift at work and at first I would say I’m afraid; no it’s because I don’t want those “people” to get there rocks off making me stupid, that’s a success. Success’s An Option; Failure’s Not

Monday, March 25, 2019

Episode 267 ~Success’s An Option, Failure’s Not~

Seventy-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, as the song goes I’ve Been Everywhere girl. I’ve written love letters, tried songwriting, poetry, short stories, novels even more. You know it started with two words MY NAME. Again with my hypocrisy. I wanted to be a comedian, war correspondent, a pilot, a sailor, even the Secretary of Defense. I suppose if all these things have anything in common, it’s a need to escape. Rewrite the rules, and since I’m on a music kick, I want to Fly Away Madam Justice, I must.

As morbid as this may be, we’re all destined to leave this place one way or another. How many steps do we take while we’re here? I think I’ve seen the ocean, there are pictures, but I don’t remember. There were plenty of trips to Florida with my family. Why yes I’m about to sound like an ungrateful SOB. Only looking back on my life that’s like a prisoner being allowed to walk the yard, once a year. I’ve been to New Jersey, New York, Washington D.C. but these words Madam Justice. Not only the ones I write but the ones that echo in my mind. None of us are free. Now for the first time, I have to travel “On My Own Alone” well with B III, of course.

Do I want to talk about “Indiana Gone’s” Wedding? What about my success? My motivations always go on and on about finding out what you want? Yes, a bestseller, brothel, my slice of Babylon. I want to see the world Madam Justice. Still, here I am scared to death in my own “home.” So this leads me back to escape. Only do I want to outrun my fear, face it down and conquer it, live with it but dare to do so? If it’s not that, success is me wanting to find something but what? That I’m not as STUPID as everyone would have me be. At the moment I wouldn’t mind being Jordan Peele, going that deep with “US.” What about the meaning of life hmm. I found it.

Seek out a kingdom Worthy Of Your Soul. Now when did I forget that? My motivations say that the purpose of life is to be happy. So I could be looking for that. Dare I call that success? What’s one more song or movie, as Eminem put it “Lose Yourself.” I need to get Untethered from the “man” I am. In the end a Carnival Of Flesh or Gold, All I Ever Wanted. Well, a success I’m stopping with the music. With my life Justice, Success’s An Option; Failure’s Not.

I Will Not Have Fear

Episode 266 ~You’ve Got Five Will~

I’m not good with so few words. Could I be so crass as to dole out two? I work my fingers to the bone instead of pushing and fighting. Don’t get me started on love except for money, five months remaining. You’ve Got Five Will

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Episode 266 ~You’ve Got Five Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, now what if I gave you five minutes to think about that. You still think, “all I have to do is survive the next five minutes, then the world ends, and I won’t have to think anymore.” Okay, you want the end of the world, B III passes, your laptop gets smashed, you get stuck on the road. Something gets hacked, or your money runs out; any number of things you worrier.

I want to bring to your attention that you have five months. You PROMISED that in a year you’d be a millionaire and where is the money? Two girls and their tits. Wanting to make two more proud. More on a program not to imagine fucking them all (LANGUAGE). I’m speaking facts, what time did you get up this morning? It was 4:00 AM not 5:00. You know when you get to wake up that late it will possibly be the worse day of your life once again. God, I wish I could count bad days on just one hand. How about you’re praying that you don’t have to shake anyone’s hand. Fist bump that you could do everything in less than five seconds. How five minutes isn’t long enough to be prepared for work. That you make more than five mistakes; Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 011 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
    Failed
  4. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
    Failed
  5. I Will Read Crave (Addicted To You #1) by K.M. Scott
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

One out of five, 17.5 F and you know why? I keep one hand in my pants and the other on my keys. One palm is doling out meds the other pushing Triple B away. Ten fingers, two palms and you’re whining as if you’re fighting with a hand tied behind your back. You knew this was going to come back to “US” right? The life on the surface you hate and the monster beneath, you keep hidden. Everyone is too pretty, pissed, or popular and you’re a punk scared to make a fist Will. Five might be good enough for Goodreads. A few minutes to wake your ass up and feel as though you’re accomplishing something. Hell, your fantasies judging how long it took. Ahh Sofia Kasuli, Angie Varona, Alison Angel, the cosplayer and MILF. But Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
  4. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
  5. I Will Read Love The Way You Lie by Skye Warren
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

If you’re going to be thinking about FIVE anything, let it be the Impossible Things you know you can do. (Still failing at being the best father). Anyway, how about the five thousand words every off day come April. The fifty-five dollars you owe for “investment.” You have to start giving ten, a hundred, or as Eric Thomas is always preaching 120. You make sure to say hell no to those five, ten, fifty, hell even more individuals making you look stupid at the day job. Be Not So Fearful, but as always you still believe You’ve Got Five Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 265 ~Hell Of Weak Will~

I think I called this week exactly what I thought it would be and I was too weak to make it otherwise, even today and of course counting up failures is tomorrow’s business; maybe I need a new hobby. “Hell Of Weak Will” or a Stupid Will

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Episode 265 ~Hell Of Weak Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to Make One Million Dollars, well I still have plans to go to “Sin City.” What was it, last week, the one before? All I could think about was a bestseller, building, brothel, and babes. This week I instead not think at all or I don’t; that’s because I Am Stupid.

Being a traditionalist, I do prefer the “old-timey” HORNY, FEARFUL, and STUPID. That’s not to say that I’m against “SAT” words Abnegation, Erudite, Dauntless, Amity, and Candor. How I miss Shailene Woodley; of course, you knew I would go with Horny first. Don’t worry this all links in with my general stupidity. Having gone to the movies Thursday and seeing Jordan Peele’s “US,” I was disappointed. There was no sex scene with Lupita Nyong’o. What about the fact that I now know who Cali and Noelle Sheldon are? Yes, Lady Lu I’m going to Hell, but I haven’t looked for any twin porn; yet. No, I saved that for Eileen Kelly in Playboy. More the lack thereof, the hits keep coming, sadly like me Thursday.

It was too much Lady Lu, the fear I mean. My last panic attack was at the day job over cleaning duty. Before that back when I was another “redshirt.” The men of Star Trek make dying look so easy I mean the original series. Now there I was at the movies, shaking because I was attempting to make exact change. Such a fear bothers me more than looking up girls on the internet. Between Fear and Rage, my fear won. You know rage doesn’t think. Lady Lu, Fear is a fucking Brainiac (Language Please). Is that what “US” was talking about right? I may as well be one of the Tethered, no soul but all the rage coming topside.

So why am I too stupid to use it? Do you know why I call myself out on my language usage? One day I think I’ll find the courage and I’ll tell those assholes (really Will) No More. Allow me to be a hypocrite in saying that fear makes you smart and an idiot. It’s why I’m looking for a new vice, hobby, and distraction. Everyone needs something, makes us human or something close. I was too weak this week to keep it up, which is why I didn’t work Friday. Not the Day Job or my Purpose, nothingness Lady Lu, Hell Of Weak Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 264 ~Worse, Women, Writing, Will~

My life is becoming more and more of a horror story every day, and I may take a pair of scissors to it, well more like a delete button; was I beginning to sound a bit creepy maybe? “Worse, Women, Writing, Will”

Friday, March 22, 2019

Episode 264 ~Worse, Women, Writing, Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, wonder what’s impossible and then do that. Next thing you know, you have people paying to have you put them out of wonderment’s misery. Some will relish the pain and will amaze themselves with what they think of next, no doubt.

Women make me wonder. You know all those that I read “every day” oh yeah? What you can’t blame me Lady Sophia, this week has been the worse one in a long time. No need for amazement why it wasn’t the cosplayer’s horror short that sealed my fate last night. Wasn’t the MILF’s story either but more her glamorous breasts which she hates. Why “women being women” a picture is worth a thousand words. When how I picture women ropes me into plenty of trouble. Well, I’m still waiting for all the nicknames to go away at some point. Won’t be going away anytime soon, I’m skeevy, a pervert, plenty that are way worse Sophia.

Hey, that leads me to the writing that I ain’t doing. How come, because the writer needs a break. Holy cow I must need Brainbuddy back, and I’m always letting someone down. Hurts me you know to even fail those bastards (LANGUAGE) at work. Hell if I’m going to be a “screw up” it might as well be with my writing. Here’s hoping I get better at this style of writing, damn Grammarly. Hemingway App is more likely the culprit. Honey is my writing getting any better these days. Ha, I should watch what I say to women and today isn’t Thursday. Hacking up whatever I want to say in some effort to sound sexy or dominant. He could be capable of such things — Hocking one more excuse not to be writing. Hectically I headed out to see Us yesterday, which was a confusing movie. Head games to be sure and where’s my doppelganger when I need him. Him, whoever would I be talking about today or tomorrow, a week.

Yesterday I was shaking in my boots, panic attack. You know when I wasn’t too busy being a special kind of dumb. Yipping, yapping going on in my ears and I don’t even mean the dog. Young no more but who was I before he stepped into my world? Yellow belly coward, B III has made me brave but at work, at the movies, life in general. I am yep yawning my existence away because I no longer wonder sadly, what’s Worse, Women, Writing, Will.

I Will Have No Fear