Chronicle 070 ~A Promise, B Eating~

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Be Not So Fearful; it doesn’t taste as bad as it looks. Well, I wasn’t interested in B’s cake, but he loved it, his aunt made it. As for Red Lobster, well, that’s one restaurant I won’t bother with. I want a Buffalo Chicken Sub. “A Promise, B Eating”

Thursday, September 9, 2021

Chronicle 070 ~A Promise, B Eating~

221 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve had two days of waking, whenever I want (it’s been a long time). To be young. Today is fearful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mHbgFkH-ss

No, it wasn’t the cheesecake. Not that I could share that with you anyway, but my promise. Out of everything to come out of “Emergence Day,” at least I kept my word. I’d instead celebrate your birthday, B. Even now, I don’t know what I would have done but 16. My greatest shame that you didn’t get to see it. Braxton, it makes that $50.00 I spent seem like nothing at all. Hell, it always comes back to money with me, doesn’t it? With the quality of the meal, you could have had all of it. I forget, can you have shrimp. No B III. Now that’s something you don’t miss, me telling you no. I bought some Mr. Goodbars, and since you’re not here…

Well, the house is still a mess. Sometimes I find myself stepping on this or that every once and a while. What it’s not like your mom is here. As a matter of fact, yesterday, I did a full-on photoshoot for my (Stuff And Thangs) Onlyfans. With a solid eight hours and a full stomach. Of course, I’m eating pancakes, and I would share plenty. I wonder how you would feel about the sausage and hash browns? Talk about stories I tell myself before bedtime. The Aunt Jemima breakfast you stole when you were but a small pancake yourself, Braxton. The things that pass for meat in the country and you and I aren’t vegetarians in any sense. At least you’re not mad at Subway.

No more Buffalo Chicken. You know I continue to imagine what did you in; besides my own hands. Was it the water? I got one of those notices for the fridge the other day. Before BK ripped me off, I ordered a lot from there with coupons. What was it B III? I don’t know? I’m having enough trouble filling my belly. I can’t worry about feeding another B III. Braxton, the dream I had about the candy dog, what were you trying to say to me playing my Virgil? I know what I know, and I’ll assume you’re stuffing your face. You deserve it. You know I would preach politics, but all my favorite foods are going away. Starvation, punishment? A Promise, B Eating

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 069 ~Tomorrow, Let It B~

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Moans, Maturity, as my “father” suggested, a new Mutt. Which, of course, is why he got Braxton for my sister, a pureblood, with papers and such. Speaking of papers, not a tiny bit of cash. No paper towels. Some tissues by midnight. Tomorrow, Let It B

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Chronicle 069 ~Tomorrow, Let It B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but no, I didn’t get a new puppy. Dinner bordered on gross. Onlyfans, “Stuff And Thangs…”

Yes, I saw “69,” but no, not “Nice!” The women I spoke to on the 7th, let’s see. Two are Fam, my Mom, and Sis, and even where I’m from? Well, that’s a no from me, Echo ha and ha. There was Carolina Bound, and she knows to leave me alone on days like yesterday. Of course, I had to whine to her about my subpar dinner. Hell, B III would have loved it all. I went to M Anime as well. She’s in the same boat as me when it comes to the 8th. No rest for the weary, but she loves her bros. So before I forget, ahem, Happy Birthday to my sister. Forgetfulness, a trait of getting older, getting dead, turning 37.

At times I forgot the cameras were rolling last night. It wasn’t like anyone heard me sang about rockin’ out with my thang. I still wonder what possessed me to do such a thing anyway. The only company I had was, oh yeah, the DoorDash girl for a sec and dreams. The things that happen; without Braxton around. It’s now Day 220. Would I be a better Daddy now? What’s one more morning of waking up late? I can’t say I was dreaming of his future mom. 12:00 AM it was Cherry, and this morning I’ll go with Alahna Ly hmm. Inspector, I always take today off. To recover from anything that happened the night before. All I did was breathe. Braxton made it easier.

Today isn’t Inspector. I should work on getting back some of that cold hard cash from DoorDash or the restaurant. I hope Walmart doesn’t think they’re off the hook either. Once again, careful how things can be brought up having cops bashing the front door. Like all “Emergences” and again 37 total, you’d figured I’d learn, which is another damn shame. Anyway, did I think there would be a puppy at my door like John Wick had Daisy? I did get an email about a fur baby yesterday who’s gone now, I bet. Application? I didn’t have it in me, Inspector Echo. The days come and go, not even a whole year yet. Jan 31, Feb 13, Aug 27, Sept 7. Tomorrow, Let It B

220 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 068 ~B III The Emergence~

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The more things change, the more they stay the same, or not. If there were to be any candles today, I would only wish to have my little boy back. Wanting him to live instead of wishing I had never been born, that’s something? B III The Emergence

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Chronicle 068 ~B III The Emergence~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what more could I want? The Little Things, My Love

  1. Braxton Barks Bradford back. my son, my best friend
  2. No more setting alarms for the Day Job, memorials
  3. The tears to stop falling. 219 days and counting
  4. A tattoo on my left forearm for my son
  5. A Cuddle Clone, for the foot of the bed
  6. A phone that I’m not constantly worried about, sigh
  7. A new phone battery, in general, that lasts all-day
  8. Some Black Air Pods that last like the phone
  9. GUNS, Lots of GUNS. Bullets for those I own
  10. My OnlyFans to get out of single digits someday
  11. Number One Best Seller List All Over The World
  12. A few more glasses choices for my everyday wear
  13. To fix my fucking mouth once and for all
  14. To never be told or feel like I’m STUPID
  15. A few more masks since people are very STUPID
  16. To need less sleep or more hours every day
  17. A new tablet for my ever-growing library (books, movies)
  18. Sour gummy bears, worms, straws, skittles, the list continues
  19. A machine to produce blue raspberry Icees on demand
  20. Bottles of Blazin’ Sauce or Carolina Reaper from BWW
  21. To finally give my two weeks or just quit
  22. Apple Watch instead of the cheap one I own
  23. To know Manhood as in never calling my father
  24. A physical copy of every book I own digitally
  25. To Make SCC Second Circle Creations an honest company
  26. Gift Cards over $100 bucks for specific places, hmm
  27. Certain Playboys, DVDs, Archives, no longer in general circulation
  28. The ability to drink more than one wine glass
  29. Laptop Desk for my bed in black, mouse area
  30. The Omega Virus Board Game, the original, my childhood
  31. One single day without fear of anything at all
  32. A Nude Maid Service; haven’t cleaned “really” since B
  33. Black HP Printer in black full color and Wi-Fi
  34. A method to forget the things that distress me
  35. Three little words, “I Love You” and mean it
  36. Cash, I’m a billionaire, but I’m looking for more
  37. To look in the mirror and not hate myself

The Little Things, Love, and Happiness. B III The Emergence

219 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 067 ~Duty Should Not Rule Destiny~

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I can’t promise to do more than survive this week. I didn’t know it was my destiny to be here and if I had my way… Humans have a duty to survive but as far as a “shared” destiny. Braxton should be a part of mine still. Duty Should Not Rule Destiny

Monday, September 6, 2021

Chronicle 067 ~Duty Should Not Rule Destiny~

Two-Hundred And Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I had never met Braxton, I’d take that over fatherhood.

So I know today is about Rule 204, but it’s also Day 218 without B III. Yep, I’m not alright. We could also talk about Year 37, but I’d instead cry over B’s death than my waste of life, I know. Because when I dream of destiny, a concept, an ideology, I remember writing Rule 13. “Power Is All That Matters.” Do I believe that this is my destiny? I’m halfway tempted to go all Forrest Gump. “I didn’t know it, but I was destined to be your daddy.” At the same time, if B were still here, I’d have to ask, “What’s my destiny, son?” I have no clue. Fuck, whatever it is, I know it’s not what I did while showering last night.

To quote Rule 002, “You Are Not A Caveman.” Allow me to be one of the “Cool Kids,” and as Xzibit put it, “Man was made to procreate.” So for a while, I have come to believe this sentiment. For me, the epitome of a man is that of fatherhood.

A man must see to his family always and forever. I didn’t need a woman for that; now that’s not anything against women. Braxton’s love. Madam, I had my son. You know how certain people are about animals. Again Braxton. It was his duty to protect me, Madam, but it was his destiny to love me. Did he? Of course. My duty was to provide; my destiny was to love. As The Beatles sang “All You Need Is Love,” Hmm.

If Life is a Game, Love is the Instructions. I was in the Navy for a couple of weeks. Yes, I’m rambling, but my point is I had a duty to my country but a destiny to love all, right? Madam, every day it’s as if I have to write, but I have the destiny to live as a writer. Does that make any sense? A duty to try but my destiny and another song I just wanna be “Successful.” Going back to rule 002. I have to survive. A caveman could do that. What does it mean to live? When’s the last time I felt alive? I don’t mean Fear, Sex, Pain, but good. Sad, but it won’t be any time this week. Survive. Duty Should Not Rule Destiny

218 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 066 ~To B Little Myself~

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It’s always something small, as the song goes, The Little Things that get to me. Seconds with friends. Thoughts no one seems to notice. The death of my son. Another day out of the year I hate. And the voice in my head that wants “To B Little Myself.”

Sunday, September 5, 2021

Chronicle 066 ~To B Little Myself~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and money takes away all sense of shame? Hating yourself today? But yesterday, my sweet buttery Jesus.

Again I know I’m not ready for a dog. My dream tells me Hell NO. You can never ever ok. Before lunch, I didn’t wash my hands, sanitize, anything. I don’t fear dogs; it’s people. Good thing your Old Man didn’t hear that. Let me continue. Your teeth are fucked-up. I was about to steal Carolina Bound’s hubby’s drink at lunch because I wasn’t thinking. Of course, I didn’t offer to pay for lunch, and it’s not like I even ate much while with them. What about loading up the to-go box upside down. My ignorance made me puke, almost. It’s the little things that make me whisper the little words in the night. My apologies. That’s why you awoke late and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Tampa by Alissa Nutting
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Get Ready For My Thirty-Seventh Emergence Day
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Carolina Bound would hate the fact of worrying about yesterday that I did nothing, sigh. M Anime could take offense that I used answering her to forget about Carolina Bound. Another “friend” would be disgusted with me. She says that nobody jerks to her ever.
Besides the whole Terminator 3 “I Killed You” aspect, Braxton knows 217 I’m Not Alright. There’s the knowledge that you can count all your friends on only one hand? Revolting hands. Sweating but not because of work. Covered in blood, and you’d settle for that instead of your addiction. None of your friends say a goddamn word. Your enemies… Hell, could they do as much damage as you do to yourself day after day? Yours’s just started. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Theta Prophecy By Chris Dietzel
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Survive The Thirty-Seventh Emergence Day
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

It seems like only yesterday that you lived through the worst week of your existence. Eeking with the last one was a mess, and would you try it now if this one, you know what. I guess while my shame is still so fresh, you find that a hard thing to contemplate. It is ok. Last night I laid there thinking, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” “I’m Thinking Of Ending Things,” “Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.” I fell to my knees, not before God but to get smaller. I thought I read to get brighter, but I need to cram my head full of everything. This week that’s Braxton, Emergence, Day Job. B was so tiny, but you love him always. To B Little Myself.

217 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 065 ~B A Little Happy~

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I had little to no control over these ramblings, or so it feels that way. How do I feel today? Going to PetSmart today. Lunch with my bestie, my homegirl… is there a manly way to say that. What little cash for food and “Emergence.” “B A Little Happy”

Saturday, September 4, 2021

Chronicle 065 ~B A Little Happy~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now; because is anyone a trillionaire? Do I need my expectations any higher? I’m not a Dad.

At least not anymore in the dog realm. Nowhere near the TRADITIONAL sense. But as has become my “New Normal,” I’ll stop by PetSmart today, then visit my second BFF. Lady Lu, I don’t mean to sound so down, and it’s only 7:45 AM. So yeah, I’m late as is. Feeling like The Priest from Romeo & Juliet “There art thou happy.” Don’t I need to go back and look up my most hated words? I’m sure Happy was on the list. When B lived? Was I happy, you ask? Hell Lady Lu, anything was better than this. For the past few days, I’ve been biting my tongue. Yesterday I finished the novel “Tampa” by Alissa Nutting. Writers aren’t meant to do as I am.

I mean to mince words for a small mind. Alissa didn’t, but every day I try to move a little bit faster. I make myself out to be smaller. And what, am I ashamed of all that I am? Lady Luna, you have seen what is becoming of this place. On Friday, I even tipped an OnlyFans creator to get my “Stuff And Thangs” promoted and expanded. A “Shower Cam,” yeah. Making money makes me happy? If it did, wouldn’t I feel something for the Day Job? Yet again, I left a note in an attempt to get out of a shift. Preparations for Emergence trouble. The second worse day of my life next to Sunday, January 31, 2021. On the 30th, I watched Braxton.

He wasn’t my happiness. How dare I, right? Nobody can make you happy, but you THEY say. Calm, Peace, Love, that was B III. I still hate the phrase “Live, Laugh, Love,” but to say B? The tiniest thing, and that’s the essence of man, I say. Fatherhood to Manhood. Titans gave creation to Gods. Those Gods made Men. Men sought power over everything, not knowing we gave our hearts to those we sought to own. Dogs? Conan The Barbarian? That’s one of the little things, Lu. At the Day Job, the first thing I would listen to is Braxton’s playlist. Now it’s TBR Schmitt’s reaction to Conan. I’m not happy. In fact, in this “Mad Season,” I feel STUPID. To B A Little Happy?

216 Days Without B III

Chronicle 064 ~History of B Longing~

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Last week I called myself a writer, and that’s without taking a writing class. Most think of me as a Sci-Fi Nerd, Geek, Freak, watch it, but that explains my Second BFF. She has a thing for nerds, whatever. History um, Jan 31. “History of B Longing.”

Friday, September 3, 2021

Chronicle 064 ~History of B Longing~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but this doesn’t allow me to change history. No matter how much I seek erasure, forgiveness.

It’s days like these… what Thursday, Time Travel? When I was young, I loved SCIENCE. Again Time Travel, wanting to raise the dead, and Hell if I die, I want my ashes to become a virus. Everything to be with B sigh, perhaps our ashes would mingle, hating people ha. Of course, Science involves plenty of Math. Well, I’ve spent this afternoon looking at how much money I’ve lost and for what. Writing, we’ll get to that. How about anatomy? If my “Stuff And Thangs” is any sign. Today I did write out my dream. The Science of it, okay. As close to the subject as I’ll ever get again. Sci-Fi references and defending never having another furry life in my hands. Never again, Sophia.

Because I’ve spent 215 days WRITING about the son I lost. I don’t believe I have ever taken a Writing class before; junior college? Of course, you’re saying that’s quite obvious with how I can never stay on subject. You could also look to yourself and the girls; now B. Baby Braxton always wanted more time with me, a man of few words he was. Only I gave myself over to them. I’ve been down here since 8 AM, and talking to you will account for 2000. I haven’t even left my seat. I should, I’m sure English teachers would approve. What about my next novel for the Big Show? NaNoWriMo in November. Am I hoping to cheat? Remember French?

Yet when I was in school, my subject was HISTORY. As you know, I feel some kinda way about my father, but he was ready to fight a History teacher for me. Calling me Professor. I don’t forget that my son is dead. How many times will I say it, Lady Sophia? Have I mentioned somebody else is sick of me talking about it? Oh, and lunch with B’s Aunt. Emergence Day is coming up fast, and what do I do before each one? CLEAN. I never took a Home Ec. course, and why would I decide to start tidying up? This was B’s home. It’s never another day, Lady Sophia. Each is brand new, trying to find a way to live without him. My lessons, History of B Longing.

215 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 063 ~B Selfish And Others~

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I didn’t eat dinner last night thanks to Burger King, eww. T.M.I., but at least B wasn’t here to suffer with me as I didn’t get any fries. Not that I needed them. Now an Emergence Day meal, I was selfish to the both of us 2020. “B Selfish And Others”

Thursday, September 2, 2021

Chronicle 063 ~B Selfish And Others~

214 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I would tell you about yesterday, but I’m trying to avoid institutions. And for today?

You are a selfish little S.O.B., you know that. Before you think I’m angry like I almost was with your Aunt Carolina Bound, for no apparent reason. “You & Me” always and forever, like Father, like Son. So you being selfish was learned from me. You are B. Every single day you remain the first thought. Whether the Day Job or waking late. I’m pissed at myself about yesterday, but it serves me right because of forgetting your fries… I was even reminded of your birthday, your Sweet Sixteen, and wanting to go crazy. Selfish to think there would be more time, and you always wanted more of mine. And sitting here at the dining room table thinking if I had kept my promises B.

Didn’t I give those out by the truckload but actually executing them. Bad choice of words but B III, yesterday I went to Burger King thinking I would have enough for some days. STOLE my money, got a STOMACHACHE, “dude,” you’d SAY, “where’s my fries.” Trust me, you didn’t miss anything and with what I did to you? 214 Days B III, and I continue to feel pain. Only like Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting when he says, “My wife is dead.” I say, my son is dead; nothing beats that pain B. You’re gone, B III, I know. Everyone else knows too. A “friend” is sick of me talking about you. I’ll see your Aunt Saturday. M Anime says, bless your little soul.

What about mine, B? It’s getting around the time of “Emergence,” and I don’t have you to smother me. If my body is wracked in pain or lazy, what about my heart. My betrayal B. Saturday, I’ll be headed to PetSmart to pet the fur babies and then lunch with your Aunt and her hubby. A shared meal and there will be nothing for you. My Emergence Day meal B? How about my wish list? Your grandparents aren’t crazy enough to do some things. That dream I had a week or so ago meant I can’t be a dad. A Cuddle Clone, Stuff & Thangs? Fuck, I want my best friend back… you B III. Dance On Our Graves such selfishness. B Selfish And Others.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 062 ~B As In Building~

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The things that September brings to mind. Buildings, birthdays, my B, but to be honest, B is daily. I’ll have to write him another book, not like I ever published the first one. The things I’m trying to build in my country but then… B As In Building

Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Chronicle 062 ~B As In Building~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that doesn’t take an A student or B. What about C. Who am I kidding.

But grades are a thing of the past for me. Why am I even talking about me now, Echo? You know I hate that concept of somebody having it worse than you. When I was 17, what did I have to be worried about? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Inspector Echo, it’s the 1st of the month, and unlike all the others, where do I begin, my dear? Birthdays, Buildings, Braxton’s dinner. Which would be my dinner, but B III is my boy. Inspector, in particular, I need him for one day out of 365 because he would never say those dreaded words. Hell, I shouldn’t even be telling on myself, but I’ve been building today, my dear Inspector Echo.

No, I don’t mean at the Day Job, and yes, I’m ashamed that I’ve wasted ten years of my life. Today is Sunday, August 29, 2021. Welcome To The Suck. Again I shouldn’t be speaking like some soldier. Such were the events that took place in the U.S.A. this month. Inspector, if I want to be a more horrible human being and American, how about this? While I’m proud to be an American and God Bless The U.S.A., you know I’ll have to say something to Lady Lu. But when I compare the 11th to January 31st, what’s worst? Should I stick to today, which is Sunday? As I told the Man In The Mirror, I found more energy for “Stuff And Thangs” this afternoon.

I don’t know what I’m trying to build, which of course, is so wonderful (sarcasm). Inspector, if anything, now is the time to once again take stock and building a life. One more time letting the cat out of the bag. Inspector, I’ll be 37 shortly and what is there. These days are filled with hoping I have enough for an Emergence Day meal next week. I did take time off from the Day Job, which might be why this week must suck. What about a list for “Stuff And Thangs” on Amazon, but who knows with my current building? How far am I behind reading my latest book and betraying my son? I could write another novel for B III. B As In Building

213 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 061 ~B Losing Some Lovin’~

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How many times have I lost love, my heartbroken? I thought I loved many a girl, but um… My Olds, way too much to unpack. I write every day but is it, love. Not like I had for B III. 212 Days, and with my love with no place to go B Losing Some Lovin’.

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Chronicle 061 ~B Losing Some Lovin’~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I would give it all up to save B III. What do you want, God?

Should I have asked that instead of, um, please save my son? Is that why “He’s My Son” strikes me, you know? Mark Schultz sings to let him take his son’s place. For my son to have more love, take my life if needed. Robbing B of that, may God’s love be with you always. Hell, most days, I don’t believe in God, and if we’re going to get all religious? I don’t want to go all-in on my Olds either. Mother is God in the eyes of a child, or why I don’t fear the father of lies, aka Satan. I got my Old Man for that. For the love of money, a child. I hope I need neither by now, their love, money.

Ok, that sounds harsh, and I don’t mean death, mind you. What I mean is, if you asked me how many times I’ve said the words “I Love You?” How many times I’ve fallen in “Love?” What do those three little words mean to me? Fatherhood, Manhood, the boy in the hood? Before everything, there was writing. Even now, I’m thinking about the dream I had Sat. There was Braxton. I felt a woman was what was needed to know love. Somehow. Yes, I met you, a miracle. Baby, you chose me. We have a family. I love you and our kids. Always and forever, never forget that. It’s not a lack of love; it’s the fear of it. My Olds wouldn’t say I lost their love, I don’t think.

The thing is, I don’t feel it except the bills, and yep that idea would cost me. I have billions? You know I’ve never been good with the idea that you won’t just wake up one morning and be gone. But if you ever say, “Hey Stupid, I Love You.” I can’t stand that song. Neutron Star Collision, that’s how I love. “’Cause our love could be forever” that’s better. Love is forever. So I guess when I think of losing love… well didn’t I say love is like the sun? And I don’t know if I’m seeing an ice age or The Midnight Sun from The Twilight Zone. No matter its time, I’m losing, and God ain’t giving it back. B Losing Some Lovin’.

212 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will