Chronicle 050 ~So A B-Story’s Place~

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If I could tell you where I belong, it would be on a bestseller list, back in my bed, or lying on the couch as Braxton took a nap from guarding me. I want to believe he’s in a better place, but we were a package deal. “So A B-Story’s Place”

Friday, August 20, 2021

Chronicle 050 ~So A B-Story’s Place~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do I really need to read another billionaire’s life story? I don’t read my own.

That’s a damn insult with me spending 201 Days writing about B. Blogging every day. I’ve written two 50,000 page books. One for my ongoing “Cherry” series and B’s story. I read A Dog’s Purpose after Braxton’s death but couldn’t continue with more lost furries. Braxton will always have a place here, but I’ve been stuck on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Hmm, maybe that’s why I’m into time travel. I’ve stopped doing it myself when it comes to my writing. That’s me being lazy. Besides that, I’m between being all-in on The Tomorrow War on Amazon. And finishing The Great De-evolution. Now there’s The Theta Patient and The Theta Timeline by Chris Dietzel. Trying to make history better. No, Lady Sophia, I’m not a Republican.

Like M Anime, though, I can’t say I’m a fan of the other side either. I talked about ranting to Braxton yesterday. I swear it’s the same story every single day. Some rich white guy or Republican escaping justice. There are only so many times you can see that story.

Meanwhile, if I want to see more stories of the horrors of the world, “Soulmates.” Next to seeing Braxton in his own bed, dying on that hospital table, geez. When I turn off the lights, I keep thinking I will bump into Reyansh or Anaisha’s dead bodies. A horrific crime. Ain’t like they didn’t warn the viewers. No fine print. In the aftermath, they wrote, “while you were watching this film, a girl was raped.”

If we were to talk about all my views on sex that I’ve written and when they’ll come out… “A good question – for another time.” I’d rather talk about Onlyfans expelling “explicit sexual content” come October. I’m not much to look at Lady Sophia but damn, a bit much. While I’m busy quoting “The Force Awakens,” how about “Serenity.” “I’m not going to live there. There’s no place for me there.” What I mean by that is who I am. I always feel like I’m in the way. At most, I’m some filler story for someone. At least, a few wasted words, a joke, not to be remembered at all. Considering the Day Job, I hope so. But my son? So A B-Story’s Place

201 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 049 ~A Bark Named Braxton~

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Well, I’m saving a mess load of trees by not going through with publishing. I’m not annoying my neighbors, but I’ve cussed many men out for talking about B. And should I balk, bark, and bitch about that movie Soulmates? A Bark Named Braxton

Thursday, August 19, 2021

Chronicle 049 ~A Bark Named Braxton~

200 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know I buy fries as much for myself as I do for you, B.

If you were anyone else, what would I say? Today was terrible, horrible, it sucked? As usual, “Humiliations Galore.” I bring food home, and we both stuff our faces, and then I drift off to sleep. On any given afternoon, I crawl into bed. You hold back the world, B. By the time I wake up, we would talk about any number of things. Last night I watched the Gofobo film festival. There was one film, “Soulmates.” I’ve viewed some disturbing leanings but damn, Braxton. With trying to forget about that (and I shouldn’t, nor should anyone else). I ended up voting for “Don’t Forget To Tip.” Speaking of voting, you remember how I ranted. YouTube SIGH. I’m pretty much a crazy man now that you aren’t here to listen.

Of course, what do I call this then? I didn’t even take my nap today. Too busy crying. It’s been 200 days, and I even said I was going to cry plenty today. Once this AM, then when I was on my way back. I ain’t going to lie, once at the Day Job, then while I was sitting here. How I wish I could be all romantic, dramatic, and melancholy crying into your book. I tell you this B III, trees are a lot safer with me around than you. If you could have seen the backyard, I was literally growing trees. The last time the yard looked decent… Saturday, January 30, 2021, B III. Your last walk besides going to your water bowl.

I wish I had your strength and I could get your book published. Hell, I can’t even walk downstairs most days and set myself to write or indeed edit. “My Turn to B III” yeah. Only in my dreams, and I did dream about you Wednesday. All the visions I have written out. But I knew that I was dreaming when I saw you. You didn’t bark. What’s to interpret? I’ll leave that to others when I get around to getting my tattoo. Yeah, I can see you giving me that look. It was as if you could read between the lines. Worthless words. Braxton, you had paws for a reason. Your barks are worth more than most voices. Speaking of A Bark Named Braxton.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 048 ~B Rating My Tears~

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My father would kick my ass for crying. I don’t remember the last time I cried, and it wasn’t about B III. 199 days now, and every single one, there have been some tears. At least it’s a moment in time I’m not sleeping my life away. B Rating My Tears

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Chronicle 048 ~B Rating My Tears~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be making a good start if my tears cost a dollar at least.

A penny for my thoughts, but I’m not The Band Perry. If I Die Young, no such luck. I’m an old man Inspector Echo and once again repeating myself, so was Braxton. But he is always my baby. Every thought, well okay, that’s a lie but plenty, bring the waterworks. The same week I was finishing an A.J. Markham novel; I also read The Last Astronaut by Chris Dietzel. Short story made shorter, it’s about a man fleeing into space because of a cat. THEY say no one can hear you scream. Now, most of the story people couldn’t or wouldn’t. I know you must be getting sick of me talking about it. Here I am on a Sunday afternoon, knowing What Hurts The Most.

The Band Perry and now Rascal Flatts. If I wanted to cry today, I would listen to He’s My Son. I’ve already had my cry session today out of the blue. I should be ashamed when it comes to “Stuff And Thangs.” How about whatever humiliation happened Day Job wise. I’m writing this early after realizing how easy it would be to put up a gallery about Braxton, and I haven’t on Day 199. At least I know what I’ll be crying about on Thursday. 200 Days without Braxton. Tony Baker’s son died. That man’s stronger than me, no doubt. Inspector, he talks about his village but as for me… I wish I had a friend like Subotai from Conan The Barbarian. Cry for me

Inspector, when I’m crying, I’m not sleeping. It took The Last Astronaut decades to think Happy Thoughts about his cat, Bob. In “The Tomorrow War,” Dan got to see his daughter again. Some happy tears for M Anime, who turns thirty-three today, third best friend. Carolina Bound told me that if her husband wasn’t crying when she walked down the aisle. She would have walked right back up without him. To have happy tears, I’ll have to remember to fetch the dictionary. Never will be ahem; Happy Emergence Day. Yet, I wonder why I’m not “Successful” for all my blood, sweat, and tears. Does happiness take as much out of you as rage and sadness? If I’m lucky, I won’t go B Rating My Tears.

199 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 047 ~Birds And The B~

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Braxton, can you try not to hump the company. True story. B will give me one of his looks like, “well, Dad, if you’re not going to.” He was his father’s son, and sooner or later, I will have to give “The Talk,” someday, among others. Birds And The B.

Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Chronicle 047 ~Birds And The B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I never had it in me to have Braxton neutered. I’m a responsible parent, Ha-Ha.

This could be the second most feared conversation for a parent to have. The Birds and the Bees. Aren’t our kids a bit too young for that? Braxton was already an old man when I felt I needed to have such a conversation somehow. Braxton loved my third best friend. Hell, I never got “The Talk.” Everything I learned came from late nights with Cinemax. There was my discovery of Japanese Anime, and I mean more than Adult Swim. Hentai. I can tell you all about the first night I met Braxton. As for puberty, I rather forget it all. Well, I turned out alright… or instead Life, uh finds a way. Does Love? Well, I have us; we have a family, but a dog?

I don’t look forward to discipline. There is a song that goes, “Son, fear is the heart of love.” I will not be that sort of a father making our kids afraid. But how to talk to them at all? Now between the two of us, I hope they share our likes. But if they turn out to be jocks, religious, conservative, or prefer Star Trek to Star Wars. Um, have a little common sense. Then there is the idea of having a pet. You’ve seen first-hand what Braxton’s loss did to me. My Olds went through the wringer in their marriage but never got divorced. One of the few traditions I intend to carry on. Plus, I ain’t my father. Explaining a pet’s death.

There is so much you can teach a kid. You know how I am with music. “Son what you don’t understand. My words might never explain.” If I was a bit more like Robin Williams. I can speak of death. I can’t explain the feeling. Holding a dying love, waiting. The most I’ll give my Olds and God may I be a better man now than having to depend on them. Anyway, my relationship with them “it’s complicated.” Braxton and I… now that was love. You and I, this family. We’re okay, I say. Did anyone tell you how, though? I promised Braxton, but I don’t have his barks anymore. The birds and the bees are silent now. What is love? Birds And The B

198 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 046 ~Decide To Accept Yourself Unconditionally~

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I don’t look at the “Man in the Mirror.” I would have to ask what I have become, and there is no answer for that. Does it matter as I would always say I could do better? B would think good enough. Decide To Accept Yourself Unconditionally.

Monday, August 16, 2021

Chronicle 046 ~Decide To Accept Yourself Unconditionally~

Two-Hundred And First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I would have no trouble accepting that as a Republican asshole.

To lie, cheat, steal, and kill. Not to get all political this early in the morning cough 7:20 AM. I would sell out for the right price. Speaking to M Anime, I told her that we all have a price tag. It’s called a paycheck. For the record, mine is nowhere near $15.00 an hour. Madam, I take it right, don’t I? I’m not the first to clock in or the last to leave, contrary to my playlist. Hell, those early days of Braxton’s death, I wanted to be anywhere else. Working the Day Job was acceptable. Only I say it every Sunday, the roughest thing with my Six Impossible Things. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am. My Braxton wasn’t delusional.

Delusional, dumb, or dead. 197 days and counting as I refuse to accept the fact that Braxton’s gone. Even if I’m starting to talk to myself again because I can’t even pretend to speak to B III anymore. Every day is a struggle to remain that abstinent, asexual, agamist asshole. The things you learn when you’re looking for the word celibate. Anyway, I must accept what people think of me, so I spend all the time I can, hiding in the house, an asylum. Last night I had a nightmare about how I’ve let the backyard become overgrown for sure. Then it started raining, so it’s not like I can do anything about it now. Who am I kidding, right? I’ve had four days off.

There’s a difference between acknowledgment and acceptance. Notice that the rule says accept and not love. M Anime and Carolina Bound would say they love me. I’m 36, about to be 37, come Emergence Day, my first in 15+ years without Braxton. I’m a failure. Madam, what kind of man relies on his Olds the way that I do. If I didn’t have them, hmm? I acknowledge my failings in all my dealings and being a father, but I have yet to accept it never. If for any other reason, that I don’t know who the fuck I am (pardon my language). I hate that saying you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Braxton and I had unconditional love but now. Decide To Accept Yourself Unconditionally

197 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 045 ~ Askin’ To Stay Braxton~

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Like the song, I don’t belong here, but when B sat on my lap or laid on my legs as I read or decide it was bedtime, it was as if I had permission to stay. Only I didn’t afford him that luxury, and what am I doing in PetSmart. Askin’ To Stay Braxton.

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Chronicle 045 ~ Askin’ To Stay Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but can you get there in the next couple of days? The end of the month, hmm?

Get where? Around this time, you would be dreading your next work shift, and you are. Emergence Day is coming. Only like me, you’re “trapped” on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Oh, sure, like “The Tomorrow War” (you haven’t forgotten), you jump between rafts. How about Wednesday, February 10, 2021. When B returned… a reminder is unnecessary. Yesterday is now going on the list, Saturday, August 14, 2021. I’ve said before. With all the fears in life and what scared me on the 13th, the scene of the crime made sense. It’s the first time I stepped foot inside PetSmart since getting Braxton “the remains.” Don’t ever forget the truth of what happened. Now that’s something you could never do. Then there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core) – A LitRPG Series Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

So besides letting my boy down, letting my boy down, and oh yeah, letting my boy down, what have I been doing? More like what are you planning to do. It’s your time, your turn. You’re looking for one day, only one that you can be proud of. No, it won’t be today. You woke up late, and you’re on the couch instead of at the table. You’re already exhausted. Do you know what made Braxton’s day every day? See, you want to say French Fries, his walks, or when he got off guard duty. What or rather who brings all that to him, YOU. And that was enough to ask for him to stay, regardless of anything else. Blame him for Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, The Theta Patient (short)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On Getting My Tattoo Of Braxton
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Don’t you wish, but you were a fuck up with this list while B III was alive. So it’s pretty easy to say you’re stuck when again, as always, you know the truth. You’re lazy. Staying in Hell keeps you warm, at least when you no longer have a cute puppy to do it now. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to pet any of those dogs at PetSmart. It would have been such a betrayal. Even if you find some way to escape Hell, answer this question. Where are you going? In the Bible, it says this “Hell followed him.” With Braxton, he took Heaven. So you’ve got nowhere to go, and my advice for you is to start building. Home… Askin’ To Stay Braxton.

You are where you do not belong.
Whisperer, TWD

196 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

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It wouldn’t be the first time I starved for food, fun or the love of my furry partner in crime. Yet I have to get up, and if I do get into another accident, I hope I get hit harder. Beware of karma, right? Need To B Shopping, for Braxton and me still

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll have a personal shopper. I sorta was when Braxton was around. B First

If Braxton were alive, I would not hesitate to go shopping. I did plenty for him, his needs becoming my courage. Then it was zombie mentality after he died. Why do you think zombies once upon a time moaned for “BRAINS.” Like the song goes, “I feel stupid.” More like, I’m afraid. I haven’t been back to Walmart since the accident. I should have kept up my regular routine. My first thought is this Lu, “does Little B have food, treats, pee pads?” So I would park on that side of the store and not the grocery side, always. People get in the way, but I’m not a person. These days I’m the horny fanboy. Yeah, hoping Walmart has the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition today.

How I don’t want to get up today, but at least I made it to the couch this morning. Last night I was ready to break my… what is it, vow, pledge, bet, some madness I don’t know at all. But while I’m making notes, how about one to get more memory and for what. Porno? It should run more rampant around here without Braxton. But again, last night, something was wrong, and the first thing I thought about is where are all my ladies. Writing took a backseat along with any other common sense. I got called out by Maitland Ward, so she, of course, cost me a few bucks. Um, Jada Jinxx has her first movie coming out. Oh, my Stuff and Thangs?

I should go back to work on that, but it’s time if I’m not wasting money. Didn’t I just say that something went wrong the other day, and I want to add more stress? Maddening! Lady Lu, I should be out there mowing the damn lawn. Braxton would be super pissed with the condition. What about cleaning the house or doing anything other than sleeping? I’ve said this how many times… his water bowl is full; he has enough treats so I may honor him. What I wouldn’t give to come back one day and say “stinky puppy” to him. Yeah, that would come after my “Emergence Day” meal if I shared a bit too much. What about M Anime’s birthday? Need To B Shopping

195 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 043 ~To B Some Monster~

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With all the crimes I’ve committed, it’s the one that nobody says was a crime that I wish had a punishment. Hell, Jason didn’t do anything in the first movie really until the end and the others. I can’t have others… Not trying To B Some Monster.

Friday, August 13, 2021

Chronicle 043 ~To B Some Monster~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, more like Joe Millionaire. Okay, I’m only Joe, well Will. But if PCH comes by, um…

The point is I wouldn’t brag. I wouldn’t shout it from the rooftops. Hell, I would have to learn how to open the windows first in this house, and that’s a whole other story. Today is supposed to be about B’s. You ever heard about Scream Queens? A Barking Prince? Braxton lived with a monster forever, and for 15 + years, he survived. I wonder what I looked like to him. Of course, the best case being his Daddy. That’s always my hope but considering how I look at my “father.” And again, after these last few weeks. Asshole! Sophia, if that’s all I was, I could cope. I even told M Anime I like the mask, but yeah, I got terrible teeth SIGH.

Only every day when I’m at the Day Job, and I take a break. I’m sitting there in the coat/locker room, trying to stay out of the way. “Oops, you scared me, Will,” that’s what. Every time I write something down, what happens. It’s a miracle I don’t have the cops swarming me now. With Monday’s accident, I wouldn’t be surprised, which is a worry. Speaking of concerns, the only people I think I can talk to about them all I do is bring them down. With Braxton’s blood on my hands doesn’t mean I have to make friends messy. The Horror, the Horror of being me. Of my mere existence, breathing, beating, the basics of life. Jason was dead. Oh, look, Friday the 13th.

Yet Jason wasn’t some B-Movie monster. Lady Sophia, I know Braxton wasn’t some drunk or fucking around teenager. There were those two months we were separated and his aunt’s wedding… I’m not being asked to save the world like “The Tomorrow War.” I don’t even have the “option” of leaving it like “The Last Astronaut.” I almost left B III. Never like that, I mean when I almost killed myself so many years ago. Could I have done better as a ghost, a specter, whatever it was that room “1408” was, an evil fucking room? No, I had to be a zombie or some psycho. Now I’m worried about being arrested again like before Braxton got sick… Is that ACCEPTANCE? Trying To B Some Monster.

194 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

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I may not be a smart man; no, that’s it. B III was heart, gave me guts, and I ask myself if I only had a brain. B was asking for some kidneys. And I didn’t start learning about them until it was too late. Yet I read trying to “B Smart About It.”

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

193 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can guess how mine went considering we’re talking right now. Sorry, I’m so late.

Another one of many apologies me being late. Pretty damn late seeing you hurting Braxton. Everything I should have gotten to make your life easier, there was always another time. Braxton, I’m thinking about that accident I got into Monday that made me late returning. It’s not like you’re here waiting, but it’s the first time I was pretty anxious to get back. You know I would rather be in bed than anywhere else or on the couch reading. Again one more reason I’m late. I’ve been getting into the Great De-evolution series of novels. Talking about how the world ends, yeah, it wasn’t a bang or a whimper, not even a bark. When my world ended, it was only with your silence B III.

I told M Anime the other day that I can’t stand stupidity for stupidity’s sake. You weren’t dumb, B. You only thought the humans you knew were. I can’t blame you for that. Is that why you were so content to lie there as I read so many nights? I get you, helping me out. All you need know was I was there and so were you, and that was that, my smart boy B. How I once talked about Love for this and that girl. But what the hell did I know, B III. 15+ years to learn that word, Love. I didn’t believe it was a prize but a gift, um Aloe Blacc.
Love is a choice, at least to a certain extent.

I believe it is a form of madness as well. Only you found a way to have such peace, Braxton. Oh, I’m only “Human,” an “Ordinary Human,” with a “Human Nature,” um B stop me. Yeah, I could go on forever and a day. Still, on top of driving better, I write better with you. Now reading, I read “The Hauntings of Playing God” when you were here. Yet I’ve read about everything on the Great De-evolution since. A man and his brother, a man and his son. A teacher with her students, a man, and his cat. Guess what they all have in common. No wonder the guy decided to become The Last Astronaut, but he wasn’t so bright. Me, B Smart About It.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 041 ~B Side Me Driving~

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Is there anything worse than being STUPID? I suppose being dead, but I know plenty of wise dead men. I sat beside one for 15 +years. But for his genius, he feared getting in the car. Hell, I’m 36 and will be 37 when again? B Side Me Driving

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Chronicle 041 ~B Side Me Driving~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’ve always debated whether I would ever drive again. Limos, have to come with drivers?

Now I’m not here to debate driverless cars. Dealing with one other driver was enough for me Monday. As I said, I’m not going to forget that ever. Which leads me to my first sin of what, today? I’ve had to commit several, which is why I’m talking on Tuesday. Driving is a necessary evil. I‘m not turning into Sheldon Cooper, considering I’ve been driving for decades… Jesus, what’s my age again? So my sin is not the fact that I could have hurt someone. I’m glad I didn’t, but I’ve cried more over B III than some old lady. My sin is the fact that I won’t get over my STUPIDITY. Reasons for Self-Harm 101 ahem, my father, Braxton, and everything I consider STUPID.

So the world is one gigantic torture chamber. I spoke about a lot of movies yesterday or today (Tuesday). I can’t watch any film that’s STUPIDITY for STUPIDITY’S sake. For the record, I wasn’t on my phone or anything when the collision happened. Blaming myself? I don’t even know if I should, though the lady seemed to think it was my fault. I didn’t claim guilt, but what I find fault in the fact that I still draw breath? The Day Job, the lady, the cop if dude decided to beat my black ass (dude didn’t). My Olds. Braxton’s Death. Inspector Echo, it’s all my fault, and I deserve to be punished. But like the song, “I said, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.”

Fuck me, I was a better driver with Braxton. I should have started a list of reasons I need him. I could sum that up in one word, LIFE. Save my Braxton, save the world. Speaking of yet another reason to like The Tomorrow War. By loving one beast, I could hate myself a little bit less. I’ve said it, as I hated the world and myself, that killed Braxton. Driving with him, seeing as he would never sit down, I had to slow down. I wasn’t rushing to get out of the way. While I wanted to get “home,” well, Braxton was my heart. Was I looking for a reason to finally face justice? I won’t ever be A-ok. But B Side Me Driving

192 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will