Saturday, August 18, 2018

Episode 048 ~When, Will, Will Wake~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason other than work; today it was worry that the AC broke down when of course it didn’t, but I was so hot or dare I say passionate because I am at the library with an actual plan. Haven’t I had this conversation before about all the reasons I wake up in the morning, hell I nearly got eight hours last night but again the worry, the False Evidence Appearing Real and everything else such as The Sweet Escape.

For as long as I can remember it’s been from my “father” though I haven’t spoken to him in months. From there I have made my way by swimming, walking, running, crawling, driving, never went back to water, but everything else gets a return. “M Anime” turned thirty today so Happy Birthday to her but wait until she gets to be my age, in all honesty, I never wanted to be my age, but I keep waking up, don’t I? Another day older, another year but you know we don’t talk about that as if some bad dream, I do that often, lie in my bed and I think maybe this is all a dream and I’ll wake up and give it “try” next time.

I set alarms not willing, but for what I won’t do ever again if I could live the life of my dreams, I won’t worry about the day job, about women, or that something is broken or will fall apart leaving me to wonder. How about when I was a kid, and I would wake up, and it would be dark, and I would be afraid I missed school… you know something that’s why I’m always so slow out of bed, Fear is a nagging bitch, and she’s not going anywhere. Yeah, I knew I thought of Gwen Stefani for a reason but you know there is only one woman (at the moment) I think of when I say the BITCH and I ask how many words will it take to erase her one, in any case, I have to be awake to write them.

Will Smith said fear motivated him so it can’t be that bad but I would rather be Dauntless… if it’s not fear, it’s anger, and next to that it’s a good idea, seven days in the week, seven deadly sins, six girls and the man in the mirror. In the end, it’s not so much what wakes me up but the moment I lie down at night how do I feel *sigh* what did I do last night before bed, read, these words Lady Luna, my words a reason to sleep, When, Will, Will Wake?

I Will Have No Fear