Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Episode 052 ~Will’s In The Lie~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason not to lie, besides damn near being ready to explode. Because I say I’ll only lie to save my ass, and the fact that lies never get us anywhere. Hell, I am too damn good at it. Maybe that’s why I share too much, and why I should keep my mouth shut, especially with my current interests. Didn’t I say at some point that I never went to PROM, but I lied for a bit? If only to give myself and my parents hope and then some heartache.

Please don’t ask me why this lie is coming up now but I told them when I was in high school I asked a girl to prom and she said yes. They were ecstatic and then I told them she rejected me afterward, poor me right? Now I did ask finally, but by that point, she already had a date, and in truth, I didn’t want to go with her anyway. Only I figured that’s what you do. You ask a girl to prom, high hopes, if not my dream. Maybe I wanted to learn how to let other people down. That was before I became a professional at letting myself down. At least I don’t have to look at myself in the mirror daily.

No, I want to look at beautiful things, but the ugly has a way of revealing itself. The spam calls, emergency light on my car, some long-forgotten toys. (Day 8 No Fap) And yet I want to believe everything is going okay. What was it I said about lies saving my ass because if I admitted the truth, I would be better off falling asleep again? Why not waste what’s left of today because what have I accomplished? I drunk a bottle of water; I suppose I got a fair amount of sleep, and have stopped edging. The worse lie I have told today though is that I’m going to work harder. Even when I get to work those days I know I haven’t worked hard enough… the truth hurts.

Will you forgive me Inspector Echo for learning how to craft lies. For those lies preventing me from living a life both then and now. For lying to myself today and tomorrow. What about lying here in bed instead of doing something, anything at all because Will’s In The Lie.

I Will Have No Fear