Saturday, August 25, 2018

Episode 055 ~Son Of A Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason to answer the question How To Be The Man. Every day it changes and as time marches onward If You Don’t Know Me By Now well. I told “Cherry” I’m shocked I made it this far. Speaking of strange thoughts and I have so many of those. This morning I found exhilaration by a sense of fatherhood. Now, of course, I am the father of a furbaby. Yes, I said it, his four legs and all but to have one on two legs.

Every day Lady Luna I have to fight my fear of people, the world is Hell, I watch my son. How he jerks away for a moment frightened of even me. Luna how many times have I said if I become my “father” do the world a favor and blow my fucking head off. I hate my father, but let me say this, his offspring all “four” of us are lucky somewhat with money. Still, money is not synonymous with love and yet I want to give my children everything. Now usually I go back and forth with the responsibility of being a father. No more like being a daddy, and I still don’t know what brought this on, just no clue. Luther, Kara, and Alice “Detroit Become Human,” that dream I had about Con Air. or this girl complaining about the absence of a dad in her child’s life.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
― Frederick Douglass

Now that I know I’m a screwed up son but God what about daughters? I got one sister and compared to me that girl was like a freaking goddess. I know my mother is a queen, and then we go over everything I say about women. Would I want my daughters to be with a man like me, hopelessly devoted, with dreams to rule the world? One who embraces their inner madness inside themselves and those around them. But would give up his hoody in a second? I’ve long since given up being the man my mother wants me to be, I “try” to be the friend my dog thinks I am. Still, to be that someone that a kid says, that’s my dad, to be such a human being, will I ever become anyone?

If tonight is an example; well first I have to be the right man or only a man, and then I’ll have to be HER man. A man has to wear many hats before he can become a father and as long as one of them isn’t a sports hat. Yes, I’m hanging in there, but I can only promise daily to keep my dog fed, to write this blog, and to work for other people. No that’s not fatherhood honestly, Son Of A Will.

I Will Have No Fear