Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Lesson 024 ~Gotta Fight’em, Gotta Fight’em~

Hey Lu,
Get ready for some mundane chatter until more gainful opportunities arise… I suppose today beat sitting on my ass all day am I right? Amongst those, watching paint dry, training at work, and killing bugs or trying to at least, not getting easier.

I’m starting to feel like Hank Hill in “King of the Ant Hill”, can I mention again that I don’t hate these things… necessarily but give it time, there’s no statute of limitations on my anger as you well know. When I came back to the house I swear I had my Dorian Newberry moment, I know I’m still looking for a male role model, considering the man I am. Anyway here I am having made up wars with real enemies but I can’t hold my own territory, sad really.

“I tell you, Worf, war is much more fun when you’re winning!” Sons and Daughters

Speaking of the valiant bug war, Braxton is still on the losing side, yeah I should just go ahead and either take the hit or the shame, nice that I used a Klingon quote because somebody always ends up bleeding, why I detest ants, I hate ticks and fleas, spawn of Hell no doubt. Sort of explains me too though I have been called a lot worse, that’s if I’m even called at all, and I do have something to say about that. Braxton and I have been at odds for a few days now and I have to deal with it sooner or later but a twist of anxiety.

It doesn’t matter though right, he’s my responsibility, hell he’s my son and he needs me but he’s as stubborn as his old man, please don’t ever let me become my father. Don’t ever let me become the person that “they” want me to be and besides these pests both bug and human, I’m fighting.

“I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don’t do your job, I’ll kill you myself!” Jean Rasczak, Starship Troopers (1997)

It bugs me when people try to be inspirational Lady Lu, the store manager tried that today… it was more to the point of walking out with a smile on your face and implementing his strategies so I don’t get fired. When I write I can’t say inspiration has ever been in the cards… okay, truth be told I do want certain actions but I won’t get anyone to follow me which doesn’t look well on a dominant. I’ve already said I see people as pests, most people, bringing chaos to my ordered universe but I bet pests of all species see me the same.

Is that the reason I’m always on the run, sadly I noticed this when I was only a child, being a spider only looks good if you’re Spiderman or more to the point the girl on his arm. I’m not scared of bugs for the most part, now women… seriously I think I have enough to say I’m not but those were luck, from a spider to a mosquito, I don’t think I can call that an upgrade at all.

Am I starting to sound like one of those buggy kids because here’s another bug relation, gnats, that’s how it feels in my head sometimes, I can’t see, I can’t hear, I can only run and keep running and they just keep coming so what do I resort to my friend, what poisons do I have on me? What chance does a “man” have in this world, maybe you can see why I rather stay indoors, people walking around like they’re lions, tigers, and bears but their bugs, in truth what do I have to fear, being an open wound?

Isn’t that another reason I have you, Luna, I bleed it all out here and then I can close myself off, I can protect myself but that’s just it, I’m still not doing that fully.

Why not just let my dog bite my hand so I can stop the tick that’s biting him, there seems to be no respite in this mad season; did it again didn’t I, always remembering the incident. Yesterday it looks like somebody didn’t forget about me, I heard from “okay”, I’m being invaded on all fronts Luna, without and within.

Still fighting the war outside and losing but do I miss those days when there nowhere else to go, one day I might just take off. Easier said than done, I haven’t been reading much or sleeping much, and before I can take “Indiana” (yeah I’m going Zombieland with her name) to the movies I have to deal with Braxton. Hiding in fantasy isn’t what I need right now is it but I’ve been lost in my new obsession “Saints Row” for days on end.

Some of my viewing habits are like going to the zoo while others are becoming annoying and yet I let them bite me over and over, nobody goes to Hooters for wings, no one goes to a strip club for the DJ, and who goes to the zoo to watch the flies? At the end of the day, we need the bees don’t we, and I’m sure other bugs have their purpose, other pests have their purpose but not Ticks, you know how I feel there. The good news is I’m only bugging you with my problems as of late, though I let things slip to Indiana and Okay from time to time I guess.

So what have we learned today other than I got the bug, call it whatever you like, anxiety, writer’s block, fever? If only a doctor could cure what ails me as easily as the vet could fix Braxton if it comes to that and soon.