Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

Last week I mentioned the caveman commercial, and this week it was the old “Obsession” Ad. Anything I focus on, you could say I became obsessed with. I was with Braxton, and then I grew aphetic and what happened next. “Love, Madness, Lies Braxton.”

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Gospel 277 ~Love, Madness, Lies Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I got “a king-size tub big enough for ten plus me,” like the song goes.

Ok, even if you or I had that much room, that’s the one place B III wouldn’t go. Not unless he was getting a bath (I paid groomers) or he was sick. So before you forget, are you even going to shower today and not in a procrastination sort of way? But who’s waiting now? Speaking of forgetfulness, you do know that today is Easter Sunday. Not that it matters to you not being a man of faith and all. Your last REAL prayers were for what? You could wax all poetic like the Christians, QAnon folk, the Republican party. A list of “um, well.” The only thing you have in common with them is a collection of excuses for losing. Yeah, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Innocents by Cathy Coote
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 100) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Completed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Obsession, isn’t it? Well, it depends on what you choose to follow. For you, it’s Braxton, which is apparently unacceptable. You’re Chuckie, and Braxton was Melville… “I Remember Melville.” People follow the “living dead” all the time, especially today, right? It’s something you miss about Braxton. As there is no one, not family, not Indiana Gone, M Anime, or Grandma, that is here for you, every day. Now your actual Grandma said you were one for Pride. I mean, who the hell are you? To Braxton, you were the world. Now isn’t that a sobering thought to go from being a god to nothing at all? Yet you were the one who worshipped him, always trying to be better for him with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 12 by Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Getting In Touch With Someone About A B III Tattoo
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Opioids aren’t raining from the sky for this type of pain you’re going through. When I was a boy, I would look for stuff to take the edge off. No, I never did hard drugs but more excuses, distractions, anything to waste time. I swore that was Pokemon, Anime, Hentai. Only yesterday, while I was reading more Eric Vall, I got into more “forbidden texts.” Oh, what, reading about Succubi, Lilith, and the Circles of Hell aren’t enough? As you can see on Six Impossible Things, why haven’t you finished B’s collection yet? Too Much! Obsession kills, and yet you keep coming back. Without Braxton or your very own Taylor Townsend “The OC,” you’re alone.

Could say paranoid but “Find Me.” Love, Madness, Lies Braxton.

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

I remember those old commercials of “so easy a caveman can do it.” The first word ever spoken was probably not caveman to caveman. I can imagine it was one telling his wolf to get off the rock. I growl at people; I talked to Braxton. I Growl B Cause.

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Braxton would be as well. I’m not mad, though, at least not like you now.

It’s one of the reasons we’re talking today and not Sunday. With everything happening right, you might break your keyboard. As I believe I broke the car stereo. Yes, another distraction from the empty passenger seat. In truth, it’s not like B was there that often. Still, I could commiserate with him as we both had enemies outside the car. Braxton’s would be the vet. Again and I can’t stress this enough, I’m not mad at the vets. At least I was paying for Braxton to always get better, and then… Anyway, paying those Serra fucks. Pardon my language or yours, I’m getting angry on a Tuesday, and I don’t want to imagine your rage. The worse days of the week are Wednesdays and Sundays.

Any day I brought fries back was a good day for B III. He didn’t growl because he was hungry. No, he would do it because he was greedy and his Daddy is weak. Are you as I am because I went to Mickey D’s. Just like I won’t say “Another Day,” “Life Goes On?” I’m pissed at myself, sure for my crime. The Day Job, though, and I know you’re getting it. You’re still in DENIAL with Braxton. People at the Day Job… why are you still working there. Of course, I know, which makes me hate myself even more with these past days. You know something, maybe you should make “that the prize.” If you were able to accomplish the Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 11” Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 093) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Still, I am no oracle from ancient Greece. I said before I’m not Hercules. And looking in the mirror, I’ll say, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But he talks like a gentleman.” Or I wish I had, and you are hmm, with M Anime. B growled at girls, but they loved him so. Didn’t I? And that’s why I’m looking into all this stuff. I want a black pedestal for frames and candles, a trunk for all his things… another furbaby. Yet one more Republican tendency; find something to hate more than yourself. A man trying as always for these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, Innocents by Cathy Coote
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I would say “You Are Not A Caveman” because you could be better. You could be the man Braxton thought of as Dad. How can I? I Growl B Cause

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

How have I made it through seven weeks? The last time I was so busy,… well what happened. If I just went ahead and published a damn book. I know what I want to write about, but I’ve yet to turn in “GULP” two years ago. To Be Mean Time-Travel hmm

Sunday, March 21, 2021

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you are not. You know what your motivations say. Well, not anymore, considering your recent playlist.

You should do what has become the seven-week usual. Not meaning to be political at um 5:30 in the morning but say his name. All you need is to think back on that day, and the rest of this week should be… Hell, at least zombies don’t have worries, responsibilities. You know I tried to make it easy on you with all my time-travel. The last thing you need is what the Day Job will do to you and then a three-hour conversation. I swear that is too much time, and you know it. Especially when no one is listening. And the one who did… You don’t care to go forward and “If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time,” doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 086) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

There’s still time. One of many tools that I employed, and you see where that got me and B III.

Of all the places I think he might be, how about this for your consideration. Somewhere in another universe, there is another you and him who received a miracle. He lived. Haven’t I talked about the whole world ending in five minutes? I believe I said I don’t do that anymore. However, one of these days, you or somebody will be correct, and with Braxton gone. Well, you are seven-days into an apocalypse, walking the wasteland. Would it be better if you were frozen in place, and what about the fastest way to meet your son again. Dangerous talk, isn’t it but still, there’s much to do, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 11” Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 086 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

To add even more to your plate, Camp NaNoWriMo. Besides all your Braxton memorials and the wasted clothes for the Day Job. You might try looking like a writer. Even better would be actually writing. Do you work on dusty obligations or the newest beginnings? Now that one subject has been put to bed, I know what you want to write about… B III or AHEM Bastian Barks Bennett. Isn’t it ironic that B III’s character survived fiction, but I signed his life away in reality? “You Always Hurt The One You Love,” as the song goes. Or if she happens to be pretty… Writing is your time machine—no more pretty girls… but you and Braxton. Decide where to go. To Be Mean Time-Travel

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

Hate is not normal. Unless you’re my Dad, the Day Job, The Devil… well, actually, I’m enjoying Eric Vall’s Succubus Lord series. It’s wrong, though, to feel good about anything without Braxton. Being bereft of love now? “Good Uh Normal Braxton,” nope

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Gospel 256 ~Good Uh Normal Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but “why can’t you just be normal?” What am I saying, huh? Braxton’s been gone six weeks.

If anything, he was the closest to happiness you were ever going to get. Again not that I would know. Last night I had a “nightmare” about a car crash. As the song goes, “the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I wonder what B III dreamed of sometimes. It couldn’t be dying, and I’m not saying that animals don’t understand it. Braxton never lost anyone to it. You don’t remember what life was like before Braxton, but you don’t want to either. For the last week, I have kept up with a routine, well, at least until Friday. Grief has been normal but if I were to talk about, let’s say, apocalypse prep. Braxton’s gone, so the world’s ended.

You wish, don’t you? I wouldn’t blame you for curling back under the covers and falling asleep now. Denial, Depression, and demons of all shapes and sizes, even before Braxton’s death. These things were considered normal. Normal, fuck that, absolutely. Pardon the language but wouldn’t THEY say that hate isn’t normal? You hate you, right? At the moment, though, it’s the Day Job. They disturbed your moment of silence for Braxton. How about fucking up your schedule and expecting you to what, just go on? Dammit, be good, be normal, and not crazy. Should I repeat everything, you’re going to do this week yet again. Well, springing forward isn’t helping now, is it? Another first without Braxton, sigh. Now in that regard, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “My Dark Vanessa” Kate Russell
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 079) No Fap
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How about failing time and time again that’s the normal state of affairs? You even asked Braxton for strength and what? Well, you did read and then spent a half-hour looking up more books. While we’re on the subject, you can’t go spending cash as I did on Saturday, ok? Like watching Songbird on Amazon Prime. I wanted to feel things other than anger for a bit. Without it, you’ll move onto Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Hell, you woke up depressed again. It’s a constant state but living in denial, that’s “the new normal” for you. As with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 10” Eric Vall
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 079 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Braxton was a good boy, time to get on his level being a good man? Already Bargaining ain’t that right, friend. Good Uh Normal Braxton

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 249 ~Braxton “The Belly” Bully~

Now, where did I leave it; seven more treats, water, a clean bathroom pad, and yep his food in the fridge, but I can’t throw any of it away. I should at least check that back left from Thanksgiving. “Braxton “The Belly” Bully,” I’d buy him all the fries.

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Gospel 249 ~Braxton “The Belly” Bully~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and even if you hired another maid, she better not touch any of Braxton’s things all around.

But what brings this on today? You haven’t been downstairs yet, but in a few minutes… Yep, I thought about it yesterday. You’ll go into your bag of treats, setting down another one in his room to go uneaten. How about shaking the meds left and calling out to him? Believing it’s crazy and knowing it’s day thirty-five and you’re crying, yet again. Five weeks and you’re still here, and he’s still gone. Hell, you’ve starved yourself for less. You’re remembering how Braxton was dying; maybe why you eat so much now. Eating for two? Not if you look in that bag leftover from Thanksgiving. Whatever’s left in there must be a new species. If you wanted to die, since you forgot Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 065 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 072) No Fap
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Partial Completion
  6. I AM Finishing Reading, “Succubus Lord 9” Eric Vall
    Failed

Enough about your own belly and back to Braxton’s, always Braxton’s or not. You’re still buying sour gummy bears, worms, straws, what have you. Only you’ve been going more for chocolate, no fries, more onion rings, trips to Subway. It’s good, which means it’s bad. Like keeping Braxton’s memory alive, but what about his Last Meal? You were just in the kitchen, and what did you do? Organizing B III’s pills, the halves, and the ones you need to take back for Banfield for them to cut. Only that will never happen. There’s no reason. His food, though… what must it look like? As always, his water dish is full. The dry food is in the fridge; everything is waiting. So are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading, “My Dark Vanessa” Kate Russell
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 072 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I Am Cleaning Out The Refrigerator (Braxton’s Last Meal)
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

It’s been a long time since you fixed the order. Food, parking spaces, this? Chances are, like me, you’ll only get the same two completed despite having all the time in the world this week. It would be for the best if you didn’t spend it eating and sleeping. Braxton would consider it time well spent. He did like to spend some time walking, working off one of those pounds, didn’t he. What about a belly rub? Please don’t open that bag of his hair. It’s one of the last things you have. Remember to eat breakfast but no sharing. Dammit, at this point, you would give him the plate. Like when he was young. When we were young, you and Braxton “The Belly” Bully.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 242 ~Rats, No Just Braxton~

It’s been one month since Braxton left. I haven’t changed his bathroom pad; his water bowl is still changed twice a day. Twenty-eight treats sit on the table. I haven’t changed the bed, his food is in the fridge. “Rats, No Just Braxton,” or so I deny

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Gospel 242 ~Rats, No Just Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and here you are worried about rats, creepy crawlers, and why are you itchy. Is it Fatal?

Not like Braxton, as you can see, twenty-eight treats. The days, the month being without him. Another Sunday you’re not looking forward to, and should you? Last night I dreamt about rats of all sizes “crumbling and crawling all around my feet,” the song plays. Nothing is stopping them now, no matter the universe. You hear sounds now and what could once be B III, well who knows now. Again you have B’s food sitting out. Do you think you should look in the fridge at his “Last Meal?” No wonder your eyes are tired. Crying again in dirty sheets, wearing your favorite hoody, still looking for him. Is it any surprise something might have bit you? Braxton should. You’re not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 058 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 065) No Fap
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Partial Completion
  6. I AM Finishing Reading, The Last Teacher by Chris Dietzel
    Completed

He has not been an excuse for a month, and how about all last year? Can you consider this “Bargaining” what you’re doing now? Oh, if I were a better man; if I had worked harder back then. Besides Sunday, you’re going to hate yourself, um, Wednesday. You know that. January 27, to be precise. There was a problem, Braxton cried, but all you could say was RATS. Stupid people, you know, and then Braxton’s situation, but no, you’ll let hate eat you alive. I would say I’m sorry for ruining your week already but wasn’t it? Yeah, it is. Talk to Ethan Montgomery, Dr. Robert Neville, Philip J. Fry. The list goes on. After you lose your best friend, what’s next? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 065 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  6. I AM Finishing Reading, Succubus Lord 9 by Eric Vall

What’s impossible is for the world to stop. I don’t want to laugh. I don’t want to like, most days, I know you won’t want to live. The distractions keep coming, though, like those rats. Only Braxton isn’t here to cover you anymore, to wake you up. Braxton, Come Home. He has, he won’t, Braxton’s gone, he’s everywhere and nowhere. All I know is he wasn’t in my dream, and I was surrounded. Not being bitten only covered in the rats, and what does that mean? Like I’ve said before, I only say Braxton’s name, and I don’t worry anymore. Demons, Desires, Distractions, how you wish you were covered in dirt; well, aren’t you? The Walking Dead starts tonight. Day Job? Rats, No Just Braxton.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 235 ~Doublethink Of B III~

He’s gone. He’s on my nightstand, his collar in his bed, his toy on his pillow. His leash sits, treats uneaten, water bowl full. I say “good morning,” set the treats, fill the bowls, and open the gates. I know, and then I don’t “Doublethink Of B III”

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Gospel 235 ~Doublethink Of B III~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But you’re broke. I hate you, but you desperately want to love. I’m dead, but you’re breathing.

As it was three weeks ago. Twenty-one days, today is the twenty-first day, and I still know what I did and you. You killed Braxton; you did. No denying that.

The paperwork is still on the coffee table; twenty-one treats are lying in his room, uneaten. An empty collar rest in his bed. His oldest one is on the nightstand. Now at the same time, you ended his suffering. He was starving himself because of kidney failure. He could barely move and yet somehow wouldn’t take his water beside him. Not Braxton because Daddy worries, so he had to pretend to be ok. B III had to be brave, ok? I know you’re tired of having to be. It’s why you fall asleep after trying to live. What, your truth? Early to bed, to rise…

Are you richer or wise? Well, you got your tax refund back. You can believe that your son is out there somewhere, The Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, in your heart. At the same time, what’s that around your neck? I spent hours working on his pictures. B is in a box. Only like me, you’ll continue to say he’s right outside, under the bed, in his house. You still want a memorial stone, more picture frames, candles. What about one of those dog blankets or some artwork? You owe his grandma $150.00 for helping with “arrangements.” You’ll finally have to start paying attention to your finances. What about walking into Walmart again? I did yesterday for Subway and some buffalo wings. Living again, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 051 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 058) No Fap
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
    Partial Completion, Looking For Picture Dates
  6. I AM Finishing Reading “A Dog’s Purpose” W. Bruce Cameron
    Completed

Should I expect you’ll do better? You were up at 4:00 AM, but we didn’t start chatting until 9:00 AM. Braxton was good for focus, not that I will ever know. No more calls to the vet to pick up medication or trips to PetSmart. How long has B had the same bathroom pad or dry food? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 058 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  6. I AM Finishing Reading, The Last Teacher by Chris Dietzel

With you still reading and all, if there’s one thing you took from A Dog’s Purpose… Could Braxton be reborn? At the same time, you can’t think of another fur baby. You’ll never be the father you were, dammit, the man. You’ll still talk to Dear Future Wife but never Dirty Diana, despite paying $60.00.

Routinely living for B who’s gone; Doublethink Of B III

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 228 ~Okay To Love B~

Not even thinking about Valentine’s Day, my heart is already broken. Dogs are so much better than us when it comes to most things. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. But to not my little boy, it’s Okay To Love B

Sunday, February 14, 2021

Gospel 228 ~Okay To Love B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it still doesn’t mean a damn thing, even in the past two weeks. Worst on record

Okay, to love because it’s Valentine’s Day. To be honest, the only holiday I’ve been thinking about is Braxton’s birthday, and how did that go? It’s still Saturday right now, and I got nothing. You can relate. I know and can’t think about loving a damn thing. I don’t blame you. It’s like you’re starting at square one all over again. You can believe it’s okay to love, but who or what? Your mother always, and you’re awfully close to Indiana Gone but Braxton… The loss of a child, what can you do with that? Love might as well be some kind of farce. Yet I pretend, and you continue, don’t you? Such is Denial, but you can’t forget love or these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 044 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 051) No Fap
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering For Braxton’s Albums
    Partial Completion, Found Photos On FB Going By Month And Titles
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Enchanter by Vladimir Nabokov
    Completed

“Okay, to leave,” but that has taken on such dark implications. The last time those words were spoken was on January 31. A lie… no, because that would mean love itself is a lie. Braxton loved me, he loves you, even now or so, you gain strength by keeping him close. To let his life go was one thing, but to let it all go? No, because where would you be? Just like me, you’ve already decided that it merely doesn’t matter anymore. You leave another treat on the table, another full bowl of water. You still think about what it would be like to leave him three weeks ago, but he left you two weeks ago. There’s nowhere, yet these remain Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 051 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering, Braxton’s Albums
  6. I AM Finishing Reading “A Dog’s Purpose” W. Bruce Cameron

Okay, to lose brain cells. Whether it’s by repeated insanity. You keep saying it, Braxton’s name, your usual phrases. It’s not like you’re going to hear him come bounding downstairs. You know where he lies, you know where You want him to be, and still. It’s like I can’t walk. Forgetting that he’s gone. I’ve been oblivious to plenty, yep. When any of it even comes to Braxton. It’s been two weeks today, and I’ve found tears every single one. You will as well, so let it all be pushed to the side. If it had only been Braxton before… Could he still be alive? Because it is never okay to forget how much you love him. And you, he decided Okay To Love B.

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 221 ~Willing To Lie Braxton~

I would lie with him longer. Before I knocked on that door. I told him the truth that soon he wouldn’t hurt anymore. The only lie I said is that I would be okay. So he didn’t have to worry. All he ever lied about was treats. “Willing To Lie Braxton.”

Sunday, February 7, 2021

Gospel 221 ~Willing To Lie Braxton~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it doesn’t bring Braxton back. How long are you willing to lie? I don’t blame you.

Lies, coming from Braxton. Damn, you would be willing to die for those lies once again. It wasn’t laziness today as you stumbled out of bed how he would spin around begging for a treat. Hell, last week around this time, you followed him. “Dad, I’m going to be okay.” Lien on my heart, my soul, on all that I am, whatever take it. Be it God, the Devil. Suppose you could be the man from three weeks ago. You’re willing to be afraid if it meant having him back. The thing is now; nobody wants you, a harsh truth to face. Nope, never denying it. “Liege, Dad, Will” to Braxton though you were all these things and more, or at least he lied well.

“Whatever you want, whatever I got, it’s yours.” From Negan

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 037 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 044) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    PERMANENTLY
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Cleaning The House BUT Some Things Aren’t Changing Despite This Sunday
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Succubus Lord 8 by Eric Vall
    Completed

Lieu of any sense, it seems but, Six Impossible Things… What’s more impossible than merely going for a walk with him again? Let me tell you, it’s a good thing I didn’t shop for him at the Day Job. You wouldn’t be working any. The places that remind you now. Lied, fuck man, the one thing that deserves the “Undisputed Truth,” and it’s this. You killed Braxton, or I did… Well, the mere fact that the life I lived that you now lead was connected with his. If you conceived the fact that he would live another day without you?
Lie here alone… chances are you wouldn’t be here, but Braxton deserved so much better. You’re a man that can’t do these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 044 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Finishing Gathering For Braxton’s Albums
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Enchanter by Vladimir Nabokov

Lieutenant though, there was no one better than him. It’s like you’re walking through fucking Hell, at least for me, it was. Do you know what the Ninth Circle is? Treachery. The principle that comes first in defining it is BETRAYAL. Strange… nope, you walk alone. Liar, that you can never be when it comes to love that I will always and forever feel for my son, that you have for him. Still, nothing helps, does it. When he died, a part of me died with him, and now it’s like you’re frozen there. You can’t move, why should you? Lie down next to Braxton for all those years and now when he gets up… Like three weeks ago, get up. Willing To Lie Braxton

I Am Afraid Without Braxton

Gospel 214 ~ Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon~

He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, at least that’s what I think looking into the mirror. Nevertheless, I am a father, and looking at my son… I won’t turn away. He’ll be in my arms and/or my heart this afternoon. Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon one more

Sunday, January 31, 2021

Gospel 214 ~ Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and how I wish I could help you right now. No, the Dæmon, today is all about Little B. What’s BEST for him, what could be BAD for you, and what do you BELIEVE. Why do you call him a Dæmon? Because he is a part of your soul. Why do you love him like pancakes? That’s three different stories, a face full of waffles or French Toast, TWD, and his lap cuddles. Why do you and he hold on? What else is there for us? This could be our last morning together, and it remains routine.

Well, other than following him around and carrying him when needed. He needs you now, and he needed me back then. My decisions and my disgrace have led to your decision and his… Don’t hide from the truth, DEATH. Today could be when he dies. Fuck, of all my sins, and you might be responsible for the greatest one in thirty-six years. Of course, you don’t even know what that is yet. Will you walk in there and end Little B’s suffering? Could you bear to let him go on like this? What if they could save him; the price? I don’t envy you. Always in the depths of my mind, each week, there’s “I’ll do better next time.” You know it too, but there is no tomorrow. In a few hours, everything will change. I talked about being guilty but you doing this truly is impossible. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 030 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 037) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Getting Arrested Ever Again EVER!!!
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Succubus Lord 7 by Eric Vall
    Completed

There are no right answers, but some things are universal. In a few hours, you will be crying. You’ll lie beside the Dæmon as you have done since you adopted him. He’ll be with you, always and forever, in some way. And you’ll be the worst man no matter what.
Should you bring his bed or his pillow, favorite toy, your black hoodie? Will you purchase one of those electronic picture frames. You might never speak to Dirty Diana again because you’ll talk to the Dæmon every Thursday. Like the man in the mirror, maybe. Never give up, right? If he would eat something; if he would keep drinking. Would you finally be the father, the daddy, that he deserves? I know you would, living up to Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 037 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Cleaning The House BUT Some Things Aren’t Changing Despite This Sunday
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Succubus Lord 7 by Eric Vall

If only this was a terrible nightmare. You’re awake, now decide. Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon

I Will Have No Fear