Tag: Noise

Meditation 351 ~That’s Virgil, B Afraid~

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How dare I? I love my sons. One’s a memory. The other made his way into the house and hasn’t “runnoft,” yet. He runs into the room like he’ll be abandoned. If it weren’t for them, their potential stepmom, and so on. I might… “That’s Virgil, B Afraid”

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

Meditation 351 ~That’s Virgil, B Afraid~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I don’t love myself, but I love you. What right do I have to love?

Braxton, point blank, period. My firstborn son, B, B III. Shall I continue? Always. Forever.

If I need define love, one word, his name, Braxton. And there you have it. As Kylie Minogue puts it, “Love at First Sight.” Hell, it was probably more for B III than me. Ha!

But Haddaway asks, “What Is Love?” Wrong or right today, here’s what I believe, beloved.

“I believe that love is the answer.” Blessid Union of Souls, seriously? Okay, honestly, love.

Love is the want, need, desire, ability, anything, and everything under the sun in Heaven and Hell to put someone ahead of yourself. I effing hate myself. But Dead or alive, I love Braxton. I love you, our children. And that’s Virgil, B Afraid.

Because I love that little MFer, too. Or at least I slipped up and said so when I figured I would die from embarrassment going to visit B’s Favorite girl and her wifey, she claimed. She claimed? Claim to love. “Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is a prize.”

Personally, I disagree with Avicii and Aloe Blacc. Love is a gift. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it. If life is a game, then love is the instruction. Have you noticed games no longer come with those booklets? Everything is online. Don’t get me started on that.

Today, all I want to know is how to wake up with peace. That’s me loving me. To have it.

Soft d*ck and clear head.

Not with you, huh… I don’t mean that negatively, mind you. I’m always hot, horny, and hard for you, my love. And you’re always on my mind. This Year’s Love or more. “Sucker For Pain”

More kids jumping on the bed. Virgil is in a household full of kitties. B III being proud of me from Heaven above. God, give me more time, I don’t have to think about myself.

I’d rather it all be about you. You are an obsession; you’re my “Obsession.” And I can deal with being the man I want to be with you. Perverted, protector, maybe even a prince, hm?

“And there, my dear Fio, you make one of Womankind’s greatest mistakes: Falling in love with a man’s potential. We so rarely share the same view of it and even more rarely care to achieve it. Stop pining for the man you think I could be — and take a good, long, hard look at the one I am.”
Darkfever

But I’m a person, a monster who still wonders why and how you might love me. That’s Virgil, B Afraid.

1598 Days Without B III, Day 1039 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

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Something I miss most about my son, B, is his eyes. When he looked at me, it was like he believed in the man I wanted to be. I see that in his Favorite Girl’s eyes. And now I possibly have a girl, and I see it in her text. But me? “B, The Poster Boy”

Monday, June 16, 2025

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you will always be more than “Just A Man.” You will always and forever be my father. Dad?

What? There’s a few things to unpack there, I guess. First, did you think my and Virgil’s potential stepmom, “M Anime, aka Julia 1984,” is the only one that knows good music? I mean, you did make her a playlist called “The Red Sash.” It gives her even more potential.

And yes, Dad, we need to talk about her. You were talking to my Favorite Girl the other day. So why can’t we talk about a girl you like. Daddy, you talking to my stepmom…

Didn’t you say once upon a time that this was my big fear? You and a girl. I know, Dad.

No one will take my place. But what did you say to Virgil on Saturday? My little brother… Love you?

“You taught me using any technique that works, never to limit myself to one style, to keep an open mind.”
― Frank Dux, Bloodsport (1988)

And you and I both know, Dad, that there is more than one way to love. We were brothers-in-arms. I was a prince to a king. A son to a father. “I’m your back, you’re mine.” I considered our life together to be Heaven… Yes, not always, but I served in Heaven so you could reign in what you considered Hell. “I have served. I will be of service.” Movies?

Daddy, you don’t think I remember all those movie nights with you and my Favorite Girl, yes, my favorite. “My job, my score, get your own!” Movies, Manuscripts, and all that Movement when you would watch any of the glow boxes. We are best friends, we do everything together. But when you look at yourself…

Sometimes, my Dad. And others more like my Big Brother. And you hate him. Always.

That’s why I’m not playing O’Brien to your Winston. Let M Anime be your Julia.

Seriously, Daddy, Ew! But I am happy for you. But this is what you need to understand, my father. You have let others plaster you all over, and you feel that’s what you are, Dad.

“Big Brother is watching you.”
From George Orwell ― 1984

And the image of you as I shut my eyes is what you are. “No Fate But What We Make. Dad, we are both men and artists. One a little furrier, that’s all. And if you want to paint the picture or as you sing “Everyday I Write The Book,” Remember, I see you, I love… B, The Poster Boy

“All he wanted was to get home quickly and then sit down and be quiet”
From George Orwell ― 1984

“Here is the toil of that house, and the inextricable wandering”
― from The Aeneid

1597 Days Without B III, Day 1038 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 349 ~Down To V, Braxton~

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“Happy Father’s Day.” Braxton never said it, but I felt it. And Virgil? As I was off to have lunch with B’s Fav Gal and her wifey, I let the word love slip. Virgil’s my son, too. But what kind of father am I in that effort. Already Down To V, Braxton

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Meditation 349 ~Down To V, Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Happy Father’s Day. But I don’t see an A+, Dad. In fact, I’m all but approaching V.

And you? And U? Your week has only just begun, and what do you have to show for it, hmm? You, me, damn, forty years of predecessors can all sing the tune “We’ve Only Just Begun.” You couldn’t even get it up to eat a cereal bar and have a cup of cappuccino this morning. Do you even have cappuccino? My bad. I was out with B’s Fav Gal yesterday.

Honestly, I built up a lunch with her and her new wifey to be as bad as watching B die.

Yes, “Anxiety,” as Doechii put it. Nothing will ever be as bad as watching Braxton’s… Euthanasia, passing, homegoing? Braxton was home. Or at least that’s something daddies do. Build? A Man Provides… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 17, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 031 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And yet, I was having a hard enough time providing conversation with B’s Fav Gal.

Seriously, the lunch was good. And you have something to eat today. You’re welcome, ha!

How about, you’re welcome to put forth more of an effort. Because you’ll shut your eyes tonight and ask, “Well, how did I get here?” And that hurts more than looking at yourself and all the mean, moronic musings of who you were hours before. Same as it ever was.

Nine hours, to be exact. And don’t forget that at some point today, you have to talk to your Old Man. Will some forty-something so and so ever have to speak to you? Daddy? Braxton?

Kidney failure, fatigue, just effed up. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 031, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Why not add being the Daddy that Virgil deserves. Before you go off singing, you’re “The Only One For Me” to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. Why not tell her… Better show her SIGH “I can be the man you need me to be.” Someone you can be proud of.

Because you’re better than the orange that’s sitting in the Oval Office now. Always ‘FDT!”
The Founding Fathers. Eff the “NFFA” New Founding Fathers. Is there a Dad you respect? You feel such and such a way about yours. But you’re sitting here. Effing bum.

Being a father, to have little ones call you ‘Daddy,’ or again, the potential stepmom, M Anime, your 1984 Julia. “Once In A Lifetime,” A+ effort. Down To V, Braxton.

1596 Days Without B III, Day 1037 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

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Is there ever a time not to be afraid? If I were to join my firstborn son, but he bought me four years. When I’m asleep. But I’m usually answering my boys’ potential stepmom. Their stepmom? BEING with her, I’m not fearful. “Braxton Buys Time Virgil.”

Saturday, June 14, 2025

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I should have all the time in the world. Braxton’s Favorite Girl. M Anime

But Braxton and his little brother Virgil. The past and the present. But Braxton, Firstborn.

And I stole his life. Stop It! I got more than enough on my plate today. Soon to be literally.

Only, I want to focus on Sunday, January 31, 2021. 1595 Days ago. And I wish I could say that’s why I was crying today. The past few days, I’ve woken up in tears, Lunalesca.

Braxton’s passing shouldn’t serve as relief from that. Yet it buys me time every now and again, so I don’t dwell on life. When did I start referring to it as ‘life’ rather than ‘existence’?

Lady Lunalesca, most days, I would prefer neither. But who would remember my B III? And Virgil is here too.

This brings us to today. You wonder why I’ve been focused on George Orwell’s “1984.” M Anime, my Julia. And here, Lunalesca, I have created my Ministry of Love. Present.

“‘Julia! Julia! Julia, my love! Julia!'”
1984 by George Orwell

Someday, maybe. But that comes later. Today is the U.S. Army’s 250th Anniversary. It’s Trump’s Birthday. FDT!!! It’s No Kings Day. I wish I could get all political Luna, truly.

My present, though… I’m going to see Braxton’s Favorite Girl and her new pretty wife. Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And while she’s Braxton’s Favorite, his aunt, and damn near a sister to me. I’m afraid not of her but of everything. I’ve had 1595 Days to find courage.

Am I brave yet? Have I published a book? Did I make a buck? Nope!

My future, It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on… M Anime. Seriously Lunalesca! TMI!! But “She Drives Me Crazy” being so “Sexy.” What happened to the love songs?

There’s time to do it all, with my Day Job being what it is. And M Anime, aka Julia, aka Braxton, and Virgil’s potential stepmom; she’s working her heart out to come and visit me.

Braxton bought me time to find her. And who knows. Braxton could have wanted a human upgrade. I’ve said it before; I figured he would be reincarnated. He’s not Virgil.

Another Braxton in my future. If M Anime/Julia and I; if “We Found Love” in a hopeless place. That’s my present, hopeless. And to escape FEAR… Braxton Buys Time Virgil

1595 Days Without B III, Day 1036 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

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B was grounded in the present. The warmth of Grandma’s Hands. My sister’s purse… No. And cuddled up to his Favorite Girl’s yabbos. Then I had to explain the birds and the bees jargon to him. Uh “D*cks and Vag*nas. Yet Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

Thursday, June 12, 2025

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

1593 Days Without B III, Day 1034 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sorry I’m late. My mind has been “Everything, Everywhere All at Once.” Movie references?

I’m late, and at the same time, it’s too early. But at least I haven’t been crying over you, B.

Not in this universe, at least. Half the time, I’m sweating up a storm. I have to walk your little brother. I’m worried about his health. Didn’t the Doc say that he’s okay? His teeth?

That’s another reason I’m sweating, “For The Love of Money.” And no, Braxton, I haven’t been around the Day Job all that much. But that doesn’t mean Virgil’s life has been any easier. The thoughts that must be running in your brother’s head. FEAR? Uncertainty? And if I told you everything that’s scaring me these days, my son. Again, Everything, Everywhere All at Once. We wouldn’t talk about your stepmom.

You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, that is. M Anime. But I might have to start calling her Julia. Do I know any women with that name? Cowboy Bebop codename Julia.

Honestly, Braxton, I’ve been thinking about Julia from George Orwell’s novel “1984.” She is my Julia, and I’m Winston Smith. Or at least I feel that way in body and spirit. But again, I’m not crying. If anything, I’m ready to leak a whole other bodily fluid. I know… Gross!

Not something you want to hear from your old man, your best friend. Your brother.

However, Braxton, your worst FEAR could be realized. Ain’t a woman alive that could take my Braxton’s place believe that. Dear Mama, more like Dear Braxton, always and forever son.

Then, why was I late? And what do I intend to do to make it right? I can’t fail again.

Nope! Let’s not go into the moral ambiguity of your Euthanasia, or I’ll start bawling.

Though, for the record, I’m sure there is a universe where you level twenty. Seriously? Braxton, I can see you watching over your siblings while Julia and I… Well, M Anime might not like me using that name, but I’m thinking about starting a playlist of all the songs she sends me. I’ll call it “The Red Sash” again from 1984. But my Julia, geez!

Building a life with her, with Virgil. A life where “I’ll always see you soar above the sky.” Faith Hill, Braxton? Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 344 ~B A Minute Virgil~

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I’m not a minuteman. No disrespect to the founders. While I’m here, FDT, eff the Jan 6’ers, eff Buzz Windrip and his Minute Men. Eff Article 5’s Moral Militia, and eff the NFFA. I’m a “Sixty Minute Man” for love. And my boys. “B A Minute Virgil”

Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Meditation 344 ~B A Minute Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I hope you do. Virgil doesn’t. I send him downstairs, but if I don’t follow.

Abandoned. Virgil feels as though I’ve abandoned him. Like father, like son. That’s 2-V, ha.

And he feels that at twenty-eight. Well, four. But in dog years, he’s in his twenties, so he’s, in fact, a man. And what, and I am forty? A man. Your man. Husband, a father.

Honestly, I want to be a Tru Rider… “A strong survivor, a real provider, a Tru Rider, that’s me.” Oh, you know I’ll go get a motorcycle and join up with the “Biker Boyz.” Hm.

And that’s what I feel like. A boy. I was thirty-six and bawling like a baby when I lost my firstborn son, Braxton. It’s been a minute. How many minutes have there been since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Math, baby…

That’s something I leave to you. I would be more than willing to live by Gus Fring’s word, “A Man Provides.” And I would work forever and a day to take care of our family.

There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about that. Being afraid. Every minute, every second. FEAR.

I don’t fear clocks or time. I fear I’m wrong that I’m to blame “The World Is Gonna End Tonight” or in the next five minutes. Do you remember when I told you that’s how I dealt with everything? In five minutes, nothing would matter, and I could let everything go.

“I ain’t got time, leave me alone
Ain’t that much time left
I’ve got to funk you now
Chronomentrophobia”
Chronomentrophobia

“Jeezu,” why can’t one of those things be FEAR? Our sons and daughters, sleep and sex, my love. Those moments, minutes, make me fearless.

And I lie here trying to believe tomorrow will be okay. Staind’s “Outside” is better. Beloved, music makes it better. Or at least I can’t hear everything that terrifies me.

Mornings spent here in our bed, love, reading on harems, humans, hellions, hot S&M sex.

Moaning along with you with every effing filthy, freaky fantasy that we can conjure up. Have I mentioned how much I love you? And that I’m happy you’re mine. Happiness…

Momentarily slip up. Me being happy. Ask me to “Be Not So Fearful.” Finding love.

“Be not so sorry for what you’ve done
You must forget them now; it’s done
And when you wake up, you will find that you can run
Be not so sorry for what you’ve done.”
― Be Not So Fearful

Memories of Braxton guarding me as I lie upon this old mattress. Awake and alive.

Making our children happy. Those are the moments that make me smile. That makes me…

Me. Be A Minute, Virgil.

1591 Days Without B III, Day 1032 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

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Last night, as I held 2-V, I pointed to his little heart free of worms. V’s guts. I gave him his meds, and he spilled some of those on the bed. Balls? The docs took them before we met. Braxton had balls. B was badass. But me? “Anatomy 101 By Braxton”

Monday, June 9, 2025

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… As obvious as “Head, Shoulders, Knees, And Toes.” Or as you were with Virgil HEART, Guts And… oh, right.

I was never anyone’s father. I’m your son always and forever, forever and always, Dad.

And Virgil is my little brother and your son. Remember? Now that you’re sure I haven’t reincarnated. Not as another four-legged ball of fluff, anyway. Which is why I’m here.

“Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me? No, Dad, I don’t sound like Theresa Walker. And I’m not Dead Air. Well, not quite. Kidney failure, and the whole Euthanasia thing. (Bristles). Yeah, I don’t like that word either. But I need you to hear me on this. I know you’re afraid. FEAR feels like it’s taken the very HEART of you, my father. Or it’s broken, there’s no room, it’s given away.

But my HEART didn’t take me, and do you know why? Because I gave it to you. I wasn’t afraid when death smiled at me. For the briefest of seconds, when I couldn’t see you.

“I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me”
The Return of the King

Daddy, I smiled right back at death. I bared my fangs, and I asked, “What took you so long?” Do you know the guts that took? This leads us to our subsequent realization, my father.

Do you have it? GUTS! You and Virgil both. Daddy, you are the bravest man I know. You and I together could face anything. We were not afraid. I’d offer mine, but the fire pretty much took care of that. Okay, that wasn’t funny. My death, MAGA, FDT, Republicans, etc.

At least you’re not crying.

Because you have balls? And Virgil won’t be regrowing his. But you can help him.

Purpose. It is not your purpose to be scared of the backyard fence, the bad place you would go for hours leaving me alone, the beeps and boobs of several glow boxes, those bad words you would say that I didn’t understand. MAGA, Norton, Money, there were so many things. But you would call my name, and everything vanished. Courage.

Honestly, Dad, it was far more than that. “FEAR is the HEART of love.” What I ask is, “Be Not So Fearful. For M Anime, me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, she’ll follow you. “I Will Follow You Into The Dark.” Family. Your woman, more siblings. Dad! Anatomy 101 By Braxton.

“A man trusts the counsel of his best friend.”
Vector

“Ah, merciless Love, is there any length to which you cannot force the human heart to go?”
― The Aeneid

1590 Days Without B III, Day 1031 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 342 ~Being A B-Student, Virgil~

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It’s only a little wire… I’m no tech guy. It’s only a little streak. What? My gaming streak. The 1000+ days I’ve read. My writing. It’s only a little hard. With B and V’s stepmom, I have an Enormous P… But I’m failing. Being A B-Student, Virgil.

Sunday, June 8, 2025

Meditation 342 ~Being A B-Student, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what would you grade yourself this morning? Are you striving for a B? Asking for F’s.

Fido, Effing, Failure. Man, you got plenty. And I know you wish you could stick to the effing. What? The friction in your hand? Not at all. You have plenty of lube. And also, Ew!

Your hands could be of use elsewhere… (Laughs hysterically). I know that’s pretty funny, friend. And speaking of friends, where’s your best one. Braxton’s in a box, a bunch of ash in a pendant, and hopefully barking up a storm in Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge.

Wherever and whatever. I don’t blame B for the Heavens ripping. I blame myself. I told Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, that I wanted to be a veterinarian.

But I also wanted to be a virologist or an astronaut. There’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Long Walk By Stephen King, Written As Richard Bachman
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Not that I’m blaming them. But I know you will come this time next week. And since B’s gone, and his little brother Virgil is as strange as the poet. What about all the effing?

That’s one “F” you know far too well. Even as you ask the question like Norah Jones, Don’t Know Why,” I didn’t come. And you think, “I Touch Myself.” The Divinyls, really, bro? But Dear M is that type of woman. You can say the freaky deaky stuff. Filthy words.

And that’s what had you feeling anything but blame today. Blame for what? Yesterday, I was sitting here wanting to watch WWE Money In The Bank. What’s wrong with that?

Beats you. Worry about your O-Face? And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 17, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like fixing said O-Face? I can’t send that video to M Anime. You’re fine, attractive… Somehow, she wants you, but let’s just say Virgil isn’t the only one with a few teeth problems. Having the funds would help both of you. But you’re failing Virgil.

That’s what worries you. Hell, everything has been worrying you since Friday. Don’t look at me. Uh, that’s the whole point of being here. But again, Friday, I was sitting here all fine and dandy, and life said I needed a shot of FEAR. And after that, yesterday nature’s FURY.

Effing ISP! Effing storm! So many effing streaks lost. If you’d been a better student, you’d say I think I like this “Little Life.” That’s Braxton. Being A B-Student, Virgil

1589 Days Without B III, Day 1030 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 341 ~Love, See Braxton, Virgil~

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Love and fear’s commonality? You don’t have to look too far to find them. Fear has the advantage. Braxton’s gone. Virgil is trying. And M Anime has potential. But for fear. I need only open my eyes. I need a dictionary. Love, See Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, June 7, 2025

Meditation 341 ~Love, See Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I have nothing to FEAR. And how much does “The Normal Heart” cost nowadays?

I had to mention 2014’s “The Normal Heart” during Pride Month. I’m not MAGA, Lu.

I’m not frightened at the mere sight of Gay people as they are. Lesbians? Lunalesca, if we get into that subject, we’ll be here for a few days. And speaking of those few days, 1588.

I continue to mourn my firstborn son, my Braxton. I swear, I need to make one of those character lists like Logan Jacobs does for his “Backyard Dungeon” series. Or I could publish one of Braxton’s books and wouldn’t have to explain him over and over again. I mean, what’s one dog’s Euthanasia? Would it mean more if I had a heart attack, Lady Lu?

It feels that way when Virgil goes for his check-ups.

I’m reminded that my heart doesn’t remain broken. Or is it? I shouldn’t constantly feel…

Well, on the verge of breaking. “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” And no, Lady Lu, I haven’t seen it, ok. My cowboy flicks of choice are 1993’s “Posse,” Sinbad in “The Cherokee Kid,” and the classic film “Shane.” And how did we get in on a few gunslingers?

Anyway, the bad is losing my Braxton and realizing Lady Lunalesca, my heart was broken.

So what’s good about having a heart? I think Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom, M Anime.

Potentially? As Lykke Li put it, there’s the “Possibility”. The way my heart stops… Beats… whatever, when I think of her. M Anime keeps a guy pumping the right way.

TMI? Well, “I think that she knows, think that she knows” that someday I may be “LoveStoned” over her. A particular part of my anatomy is hard as a rock for her. No doubt about it, Lady Lunalesca. But that leads us to the third part of the equation. O-Face…

Seriously, I was about to make one this morning for her as a video. Thinking anyway. But while I was “Day Dreaming.” I wonder if she does as I ask, “Close Your Eyes And Wander.” And way before that, there were memories of B III and the needs of 2-V.

Anyway, I try to define my lust for a woman, loving Braxton, liking Virgil. FEAR needs no defining. Every day, everywhere. Love, See Braxton, Virgil.

The cast of Characters today:

Braxton Barks Bradford, aka B III, aka Firstborn son, aka B. Born February 13, 2005,* – Died January 31, 2021. Deerhead Chihuahua. Most beloved son.

Virgil Vivi Bradford, aka 2-V, aka Second born son, aka V. Born October 20, 2020 – Adopted August 13, 2022. Mixed Breed Chihuahua. Braxton’s stepbrother. Would be, Protector of the realm…

M Anime, aka Madam Anime, aka potential stepmom. “Love” interest. Protector of kittens. Loves gardening and all things natural. Health-guru. A friend of many years.

1588 Days Without B III, Day 1029 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 339 ~B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking~

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I can’t say I’m digging life as of late. But there’s V. I dig the woman who could become his and B’s stepmom. I’d never put Braxton in a hole. But a box… And deep within my heart. How much do gravediggers make? B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking

Thursday, June 5, 2025

Meditation 339 ~B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking~

1586 Days Without B III, Day 1027 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It depends on how you define good. With it being Monday, June 2, 2025. Uh…

Today ain’t looking too good. Well, other than early this morning when I saw your potential stepmom. I swear I’d be worse than The underdog MR Williams on YouTube and his kids. “COVER YOUR EYES!” There’s always another reason to miss you, Little Braxton. You see far too much from the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, Elysium, or wherever your comfy spot is. And I’m trying to keep Virgil from joining you anytime soon. For what? Have you seen the backyard lately? As I said, today has been far from good, B.

Virgil is digging into the blankets as much as I am. And the only two-legged that might know I’m alive, besides your stepmom again, is whoever brings me dinner tonight.

Yeah, with what cash? SIGH.

Talk about digging myself into a hole. Even further into the bed. Your stepmom’s tight…

No, we don’t need to talk about that specifically. However, you were talking to me earlier today, as it’s Monday. Your stepmom and I… Seriously, I need to remember this is all speculation. Yeah, like your spirit talking to me. Seeing a spectacularly striking and sexy woman in a crystal ball. I know, Braxton, I know you don’t need to hear all that. Um eww.

From “Between The Sheets,” you and your brother will have several siblings to protect; B. Your soul and Virgil’s ability to skedaddle. If he hasn’t dug a hole to China.

Hell! Anywhere but here, right. “Memories of Things,” Rough nights with the stepmom for fun.

Okay, I’ll stop before you go and “runnoft” or ride the winds, and if you retch… Well, I wouldn’t call the Ghostbusters. At least I would know you’re really alive somewhere in the great beyond. And that you’re eating good too. Did I mention I’m ordering dinner, hoping it will make me feel better? Or is it the fact that there are no vittles in this house because I haven’t found time? It’s not much of it when you’re dead. Like I can talk, right?

Your potential stepmom is sinfully angelic, and Virgil is as white as a ghost. Honestly?

Existence isn’t a prison yard or a graveyard. Braxton isn’t your backyard. I need to stop digging graves. Look for treasure. B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad