Tag: Woke

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

WillLeave a comment

Last Sunday was better… Did I really just say that? The only Sunday I remember every second of was Sunday, January 31, 2021. And why do I want to relive that one? Braxton’s Last Day. Every day after that is like “The Matrix.” “AI, B, And V”

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Meditation 020 ~AI, B, And V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I’m sorry, but I have no hope for your future. An opinion or fact. You’re breathing.

But what’s worse… Say it with me now. Braxton Is Gone! I understand the weight of his absence and its burden on you. Breathing is not just a punishment for you but a reminder of what you’ve lost. And what is mine? It’s the knowledge that I may not have adequately prepared you for the challenges of this new week. Well, yes and no. We’ll get to that soon. Are you feeling Overwhelmed? Weak? Afraid?

What’s this talk about AI? I know it’s been a source of temptation for days. I had a dream about Braxton after I finished making mistakes last week. Or you had a dream. It’s all the same. When did I sleep… That’s not the point.

Anyway, in the dream, you or I were reliving Braxton’s last day before his… Euthanasia. That’s nothing new. January 31 repeats every day. But in the dream, there was a device capable of experiencing it. Repeating like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, yes, I screwed these up for you, back to the device. You think you want to repeat the worst day of your entire existence. The day that B III died. The pain of watching your son die… Again, again!

Yeah, instead of studying artificial intelligence, you learned torture methodology and the different circles of Hell. And if I had focused on the pain last night, I wouldn’t have been in my pants messing around. Queen Complex’s Scooby-Doo Velma is all I will say about that. Some effing Yabbos! And please don’t go looking for pictures or showing them off.

Oh, like your creations or writing? How much of that can you say is yours? The things we find out by accident. AI art and you failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Refraction of Mr. Saturn…?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’ve already failed #6. Do you see what time it is? And #4 started over at midnight. Again, the sweet temptation. So can you go the whole week? I have doubts. One more week is pretty empty. And what are you doing with it? With the one after… well, you’ll have more cash. On Saturday, I spent a little money and didn’t even get anything crucial. And do you know why? Virtual Insanity or something.

There’s a difference between living and existing. Braxton was/is real. Little Virgil is artificial intelligence. Or he might as well be. A little robot. That is, until he’s sick all over the place. And my advice to you. Don’t be one of the dead, artificial, a shadow. Hold space. AI’s easier… AI, B, And V

1267 Days Without B III, Day 708 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

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Start your day off with “GRATITUDE.” I get this for cutting the grass while listening to motivational speeches. I’m sure Virgil is grateful. I’m thankful for my son’s life. Not so much for a Fake President. Real, Fake? Close? Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, if you’re looking for gratitude. (Frustrating Growl) You got up and wrote two hundred words… Enough?

I swear, it’s days like today… It’s only 7:30 AM. Yesterday? Existence is something else.

You know, now would be a good time to say something! Anything! Braxton’s gone. And Virgil is waiting for his outside time. Anytime now. Well? Speaking of which, you’re late.

If only Braxton were here. Sigh. You wanted to get started at 6:30 AM. But something came up. Oh yeah, that was me last night with all of the madness. Say it with me now. This Is America! Can you blame me for seeking comfort in a maid’s “dirty pillows?”

However, I’m not going to lie about it. And the fact that you’re willing to face the truth about it? With everything you have to face and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Ok, so I’ll get the ball rolling or balls. Again, I do apologize for last night. “I’m just a sucker for pain.” However, how do we get from a presidential candidate nearly getting his? To me, looking at beautiful maids, I’ll never know. Again, I’m grateful for the truth. I’m thankful for my memories of my son. So? Your turn. Like me, you are eternally for being Braxton’s Dad for fifteen years. And yesterday marks 700 days since meeting Virgil.

Today, Virgil Vivi can bark, “Yeah, yeah, I, oh, I’m still alive.” Are you still thinking about the Fake President almost biting it? You know he’s going to be all, “Many Men wish death upon me.” You? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You actually care to try and put your existence back together. How about the fact that you feel wrong about some… well, most of the things you write down? Eww! You only got out a solid 200 words this morning. And that wasn’t enough for the critics or any feedback.

But if what I gave them yesterday was any indication? And you do know better. Conscience? You could also be hungry with that knot in your stomach. Only that leads you to more gratitude. As THEY say, once you feel there is much to be grateful for, you’ll find more. Anyway, there’s the fact that I wasted money on Audible buying the book “Bikini Days.” And you have one more pet loss book. Seriously! Braxton’s life. Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

1260 Days Without B III, Day 701 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

WillLeave a comment

What are the worst things I’ve learned? That my son was dying. I depend on my Old Man way too much. The Regal App stopped working. And oh goody, it’s morning. But I could be back in school at thirty-nine… Or training B and V. B And V Count.

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Meditation 006 ~B And V Count~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And even though you’re no longer in class… School of Hard Knocks… Math, Language, and P.E. suck.

Let’s start with Math. The subtraction of your son, Braxton. The addition of Little Virgil.

Why are you so negative this morning? Is it because you woke up late? Mathematics?

School never prioritized mental health, which explains a lot at thirty-nine. I’m sorry to tell you that you’re older than me, and I’m sorry I didn’t “join Braxton.” Another Day.

Inevitably, that thought comes up every day. As a great man once said, “Stay Alive.”

Today, you are here in your personal room 1408. Only it’s the entire world. Existence.

A total of 1253 days without your son. The only number that matters until tomorrow. And it’s not like Virgil is looking forward to that, either. One more week of not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 6 (Series)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can tell you why I failed number four. Well, no, actually. That sort of language would have the critic all over you. But Braxton’s Aunt thought that M Anime was a very naughty girl. Cherry said she’d read it … Anyway, you haven’t shared it with M Anime either.

There is a reason you should try not to speak this week. You have a couple of days with the Day Job. And there’s always Virgil. But whatever you say to him comes out bad.

There will still be days you need to remember his name. I couldn’t remember who won WWE Money in the Bank last night. Names, naughty writing, and you’re not making notes. You know Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. But you keep on writing. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because it’s not like you’re going to git up, git out, and git something. All that Physical Education for nothing. And where was I a couple of days ago? I was slithering on the bed as I typed out a story that turned me on. These hands are about all the physicality you’re going to get. So what about today? I’ve already finished M Anime’s tale. Right? You need three hundred words that don’t count as talking to yourself. So where to put them, hmm?

For someone… Uh, like you. Your head feels so full of knowledge. And your heart? What is Braxton telling you? This morning, he barked, “Do you hear me? Do you feel me? We gon’ be alright.” B And V Count.

1253 Days Without B III, Day 694 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 298 ~B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke~

WillLeave a comment

My grief, sure as Hell, seems to be unlimited. I’m still crying over B. And then there’s V. Three months was not enough time. And even today, he jumped when I picked him up. And what picks me up? Something, something, girls… B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Tale 298 ~B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I do so every day anyway. But for now, I’m looking for a reason. So Girls, Girls, Girls?

Unlimited tears over my lost boy tend to make me sleepy. That’s called Depression, right?

I’m still mourning, grieving, whatever about B III, and it’s been 1179 days and counting.

A few less, considering today is Thursday, April 18, 2024. And as I’ve been telling all of the ladies. And the spirit of my son. The week in which you’re reading this is going to suck. Much like Misha Cross… Anyway, Inspector, I wish I had other ways to distract myself. I could go and find Virgil. His fear of me seems to be unlimited. Ditto, Inspector. Living in FEAR.

I need to do better, but I have 99 Problems and a… well, never mind. My grief, grossness, and great waste of time are unlimited.

But Virgil is here. How does 620 days sound to you? Besides that 3 days/3 months pamphlet, I read. I should be finding a new book to read. It won’t be anything I can read to Virgil, but at least I could try reading it in the den instead of lying in bed another day.

I told myself I would go shopping today and catch that movie Civil War. Only Virgil was caving cowardly to some cruelty that I’ve invoked upon him. Virgil was cursed to his name if you’ve ever wondered where he got it. A burning Ring of Fire. Virgil, my little guide.

From the book Dante’s Inferno… There’s a reason the 9th Circle of Hell’s about tears.

Betrayal of my best friend.

What about my country and God himself? Braxton was an angel to everyone… Laughs out loud. Okay, he was an angel to my family and his dear aunt. Of course. B III, to me, though, was a God. Love, courage, a reason to breathe. Who else has given me such?

There is a reason I’m avoiding the politics on YouTube and such. And not only because it has been acting up lately. How many times have I watched the movie “Share?” Or is it me trying to bond with Virgil? Again, anything that gets me out of this bed, Inspector. Whatever to keep me awake and alive. Woke? My B III was my apocalypse partner.

Existence is not unlimited… Heaven? Hell? B Unlimited, Virgil, Woke

1179 Days Without B III, Day 620 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 308 ~Virgil’s B Book Report~

WillLeave a comment

I planned on talking about all the books I bought, only I’m sort of a pop culture whore. Me… sexist? Duly noted. But I read something racist from a friend today. One word. I don’t fear being WOKE. Indifference killed my son. “Virgil’s B Book Report.”

Friday, May 5, 2023

Saga 308 ~Virgil’s B Book Report~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford whatever’s on the menu. I can read bills, sales, and regrets.

How to Be an Antiracist is not a book I regret reading. And I don’t blame the author for any of my actions… Uh, you kind of did. I hear ya, Lady Sophia. The power of the penis, as Todd says. I don’t regret reading Succubus Lord, either. Um, a whole other story, I know. It’s like looking over the last of Braxton’s medical bills. I don’t blame the veterinarians. But it does show me when I did the worst thing in my whole “life.” I killed my best friend. It could be the second… I mean, if we’re talking about the STUPIDEST thing ever… BIRTH. Anyway, I’m feeling lousy today because the girl I want to sleep with… She used the word “Chinky.” Racist?

“Oh, sugar, you just gone and done the dumbest thing in your whole life.” – Alexis Bledel Sin City (2005)

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes? I’m not sure yet. I’m only starting to get into that book. But let’s stick with my attempt to be an Antiracist. As if I even recall what that means. I say I was more WOKE, and I couldn’t help myself. If this cost me the girl. Stupid MF. Hell! Lady Sophia, I spent a bit of time trying to explain away the slur. She could have meant like chink in the armor. “I try so hard. Can’t seem to get away from misery” Inevitable, ain’t it, Lady Sophia, that I screw this up. Trying to understand “What Makes A Good Man?” Hell! What kind of man am I? Ask Carolina Bound. I sent a nude for her birthday.

Hell! I wanted to talk about this Hunger Games book and Mesmerizing Caroline. What about that book binge I went on? I must also get in on a new Kindle Challenge, Lady Sophia. But after reading the alarm clock, 3:35 AM. Then reading M Anime’s text first thing. And yep, thinking with my penis. Have I found a second Hard Limit when it comes to BDSM? Um, a soft limit. The N-Word in music, dirty Latina maids, Asian fetish, etc. And it gets worse. M Anime’s fur baby is hurt, and I’m yelling at her because you know me, Lady Sophia, “Stay Woke.” I need to read more African American books and more about dead fur babies. Reasons dogs don’t write. Virgil’s B Book Report

824 Days Without B III, Day 265 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 183 ~Today Could B Better~

WillLeave a comment

Could today be better? Story of this life, my life… At least when I would come back, that B was my four-legged son who only saw one month of this terrible year. 2020 no 2021 was the worst year ever, and still, I have to believe. Today Could B Better

Friday, December 31, 2021

Chronicle 183 ~Today Could B Better~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what could make next year better… A Trillion? No! I want my best friend back.

So yes, today could be better, this whole damn year. The worse year of my life, and how dare I. At least I’m alive. Braxton is dead. What a way to end this year, huh, Lady Sophia? God, I don’t want to say “Another Day.” Woke up Late, Lost my clothes, still Lying in bed. Any day, I’m not at the Day Job. And I’m giving this whole writing thing a shot. Hell, I should be counting this as a good day. Oh, speaking of shots, looks like I’m not eligible for the booster yet against COVID-19. Who knows, I could get lucky today, Sophia. Consider this a good day to die? Dangerous words and hurtful. Let’s not even get into the Cherry disagreement yesterday.

Instead, Sophia, let’s talk about this year in general. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because this isn’t slavery, Ray Garofalo, or the Holocaust, Texas. Living’s like South Park. The good, it was only Thursday; this art saying the things I have now, I once prayed for. I had a friend, a family for 15 years. Fucking almost saw Cherry and M Anime’s Yabbos. The bad is that it’s pretty sad; all I have to look forward to in life is telling girls to “Get Naked” like Limp Bizkit. Mankind’s most primal nature. If not that, then staying alive B. The ugly? Not how my son died. Me watching him and him watching me. It was my betrayal. The flesh has nothing on the soul.

Yet I look at my resolutions from 2020 to 2021. Again I am disgusted. What was number one on the list? I AM Seeing My Dæmon Through Another Year. That’s from Gospel 185 ~Here I Am, Will~. Thirteen Resolutions and only three completed. Braxton’s inevitable. Today’s plan if I’m not staring at the “Pictures on My Phone,” thank you, Wheeler Walker Jr. More like “I Touch Myself.” I should try to do something for Stuff And Thangs, you know, OnlyFans. The only fireworks that I allow. Anyway, Lady Sophia, Resolutions. Every day can be better than the last. I should make every breath mean something since Braxton no longer breathes. He’s here. I must believe. Otherwise, why am I still here? Today Could B Better.

334 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will