Meditation 019 ~Virgil’s B In Shop~

Let’s talk shop. I never took it in school. I took “Math in Society.” As with any other Math class, it was a fail. As for “keeping the books…” I need to keep V from dying, like his predecessor. And the house? I’m the one breaking. Virgil’s B In Shop.

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Meditation 019 ~Virgil’s B In Shop~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I can pay people to do… I don’t know, whatever. Resurrection, Repair, and Rough…

Better to keep that thought to myself and talk about Braxton. AGAIN!? Always and forever. But the tears in my eyes aren’t for him at the moment. I’m tired, Lunalesca. It’s Saturday at 5:30 AM, and I haven’t showered or shaved. What about the novel?

Braxton’s two novels are sitting around here someplace. And there’s “Sofía’s Nightmare” to work on… But instead, I’m recapping Succubus Lord 2. It is as if I’m retelling some sweet little fairytale. To think, two years ago, “my” fairytales included a resurrection. Or rather, the reincarnation of my son. And then finding Virgil. Lunalesca, neither Braxton nor Virgil look a thing like Jesus. But I’m not shopping for the spirit, something to stay awake. And then something to do with a nice pair of yabbos.

Should I even get a girl over? There are so many things here that need fixing. And other than a lightbulb… Yeah, I’m useless. Speaking of which, I need another lightbulb for the kitchen. And that’s after replacing the one above the stairs. No, I don’t fear death, Lady Lunalesca. If it gets me a step closer to my boy. But to leave V behind… And what about turning forty? It’s part of my routine. Something I can’t fix inside my head. And my heart?

Inquire about my life goals. And short of bringing Braxton back, it would be to never leave this bed again. But would you look at the time? It’s time to learn… “To Be A Man.”

Careless Whisper is today’s song…

Well, Lady Lu, it was the first song that came to mind. To think. I can groove to such songs as Careless Whisper, Moondust, and My Love. Yet as I keep making my shopping list: my son’s life, lightbulbs, and add to it getting blown like Careless Whisper’s Saxophone. Ok.

So, ideas and suggestions. How about ones that don’t have to do about the story I’m writing? Will I even get to any of that today? Yesterday, I bought Cherry’s short story. But, of course, I had less than honorable intentions there. And for a dollar. Oh, and I was shopping around on OnlyFans, too. I cried. Took a ten-minute catnap. And tried not to co… Anyway. Virgil’s the only one who is “fixed” around here. Virgil’s B In Shop

1266 Days Without B III, Day 707 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 018 ~Virgil’s B In Satanism~

Well, my greatest sin isn’t here. Do I really believe that? Well, I’m back to telling myself stories about demon women to sleep. Uh, I could pass out now. But Sloth beats Lust and Envy. And can be forgiven. Braxton being gone… Virgil’s B In Satanism.

Friday, July 19, 2024

Meditation 018 ~Virgil’s B In Satanism~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… About my son, Braxton Barks. He’s part of my routine. There’s also Satan’s Sorority Girls 6, a book I finished reading some time last week. Witchy Yabbos

Do you know that song by the Transplants, ‘Diamonds and Guns?’ It’s a bit like my current existence, a chaotic mix of beauty and mourning. I’m more of a ‘Yabbos and Boys” type of creature, but lately, I feel like a Satanic entity. It’s like I’m heading to Hell. Without a doubt, Lady Sophia.

For what I did to my Braxton? Ignoring him, not listening, and his euthanasia… Sophia. I didn’t mean to get so down right then. But yesterday was a waste. I’m still reading ‘The Hardest Goodbye.’ And I’m so tired. I swear I am fighting off sleep when there is so much to do. Is it any wonder that most of the things I’ve been into this week revolve around death? There’s this movie I want to see, ‘Plan 75,’ a film that explores the complexities of life and death. I made a playlist from the ‘Twilight’ movies, which resonated with me in their portrayal of love and loss. Now Satanism because you know book reviews:

That’s Our “GRAY” Friend Sisters:

Another four-star winner, at least according to this sinner. Then again, nobody’s perfect. Well… Except for Grayson Price, according to his coven and the other. Is Grayson adding to the belt? The book’s greatest strength and weakness is in the following word: formulaic. You read enough Eric Vall books, and you see. Not that I’m an expert. This and Succubus Lord. But there’s reason the three scenes that stand out to me are Fiona and Gray, Robin’s shower scene, and Grayson getting both Julia and Tasha together. Mo getting a girl? I’ve already recommended Eric Vall’s works to one friend. And seeing how she’s into girls too… But one should be into comics. And not looking for twists and turns.

Ok, if I’m done talking about other writers… What about my writing? I did write over 200 words for “Sofía’s Nightmare.” I’m still working on a title. And that could be the thing, Sophia. I’m looking up monsters and all the world’s evils to avoid what I see in the mirror every day. Braxton is my greatest sadness. And being the hand that ended him. Well, that makes him my greatest crime. And I become the villain, the monster, or whatever. If I left this world, I have no doubt Braxton would follow me into the dark. Ok! Enough music.

What about Virgil? He’s back behind the gate as I lament about Braxton. My other sins are Lust, Sloth, and Envy. Virgil’s B In Satanism.

1265 Days Without B III, Day 706 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

Rise and shine! I’ve been up since four. The only thing shining is the tip of my… Enough with the Yabbos. The sun’s behind the clouds. And my son is in a box. But he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. But can I rise out of this bed? Virgil, Rise, And B

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Meditation 017 ~Virgil, Rise, And B~

1264 Days Without B III, Day 705 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past six in the mornin’. Six in the morning? And my day, Braxton…

Well, it could be better. It’s the usual: wake up at four, and you’re not here. There’s Yabbos… My new morning routine. About twenty minutes after that, I take a shower. Next. Seeing how V and I are going to eat next week or today. Now I would like to join you. But V has… “reservations.” He “likes” being alive.

I didn’t even get to work on “My” novel earlier. There’s so much to do, Braxton. But you always found time to eat and “play” with your toys. I’m trying Braxton. It’s part of the reason I’m upset now. I wanted to start talking to you right at six. It’s always about time or routine. Huh! V doesn’t have that. When he was sick Tuesday, he was all cuddles, but…

He got better. Now what?

In Virgil’s case, he’s back behind the gate, sleeping on his pillow. Should I be making an effort? Look at the time. I was planning on taking a nap. Sigh! It’s seven now. But what kept me from going back to sleep? That’s not for you to know… Wherever you are, Little B. Knowing you can see everything now should be more than enough for me to be okay, Braxton. I was about to say to make our dreams come true. But your dreams, Braxton…

Food, food, and more food, am I right? Am what am I going to get up for today, Braxton? (Checks the grocery list.) Bread and water. What about milk? It’s summertime and all. I’m still here, Braxton. Always and Forever

Not rising for anything but Yabbos, taking Virgil outside, and what food I can scavenge.

I do not exist in a dystopia… yet. I’m writing one if I want to call it that. But the sun is up, the sky is blue… Nope! It’s light outside, and the sky is gray. But that doesn’t excuse me from getting up. Today’s pay that I got from last week was terrible. And this week, considering I’ve been here for around three days straight. The pay will be a lot worse. Because I won’t rise. Who am I, Batman? No. But I’m still your Dad, and I should know better. Forty is coming. And with the Olds and your “actual” aunt. I should, I must… Like I’m asking Virgil. Virgil, Rise, And B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 016 ~Virgil, Better B Treatable~

After V’s morning business, I’ll have a cappuccino and an aspirin… What? It beats an energy shot. I haven’t had one in weeks. Simoleons, ducketts, Dollar, dollar bills, y’all. Then V got sick. But good night’s sleep. “Virgil, Better B Treatable”

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Meditation 016 ~Virgil, Better B Treatable~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. It all starts with waking up in the morning. I’m not a Bible thumper, but I’m a sinner. I carry a guilt with me every day, a burden I can’t seem to shake. Not ever! My everlasting shame.

As for what I’ve done wrong, it varies from day to day. Let’s start with the worst thing I’ve ever done. 1263 days ago, I watched my firstborn son, my fur buddy, my Braxton, die.

I have to remind myself of that sometimes Inspector Echo. Remind myself? How dare I!

And what about the living? Virgil is right here beside me for once. It’s time to reset that sign to 0 days without painting the floors with… You don’t even want to know E. Eww!

Stomach stew galore. And once again, I was down on my knees. But I wasn’t praying as I once had for Braxton. 704 days with Virgil, and if he were to leave me now, Inspector…

Honestly, I don’t know… Feelings. I’m lost in a sea of emotions and can’t seem to find my way out. I need your understanding and guidance, my dear Inspector Echo.

Even sitting here with Virgil, I need only think of my Braxton Barks if I want to cry. But Inspector, ask me what Virgil gets. I’m tired. And I’m listening to instrumentals. Because I don’t have any words for Virgil. Yesterday was the most attention I’ve paid him in about a week. Between the Simoleon situation, “my story” (I’m trying), and my usual “adult” shenanigans.

Yeah, it usually involves some young woman’s YABBOS. However, the pair I’m currently worried about are M Anime’s. Well, wasn’t that disrespectful? I have to pull myself out of that Nightmare of hers. Or, excuse me, Sofía’s Nightmare. Somebody said something about getting over a woman by turning her into literature. And fur buddies… Maybe.

“There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.” Lawrence Durrell

No wonder I got inspired.

One woman got me to blog again. Cherry got a novel trilogy. Braxton got his name in over a thousand blog posts and two more novels. M Anime has around 6,000 words at the moment. If I were to ever lose Braxton’s Aunt… who knows? Virgil has a blank slate.

Inspector, I had to do all the cleaning after he got “down with the Sickness.” And now, with a good night’s sleep, all I can do is complain about not getting to nap. So, okay.

Inspector, we’ve established that I’m no good, and no amount of sleep is enough. I’m exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I need your support now.

Because there’s no medicine for what I have. Even when I had my son. How about a ‘super’ girl? Several Simoleons? Virgil, Better B Treatable.

1263 Days Without B III, Day 704 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 015 ~B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil~

I just want to go to sleep. Waking up? Eww! And bedtime… whenever that is. It’s awesome. But everything in the middle sucks. Missing my boy. Messing up manuscripts. And checking out the mountains. When B wasn’t around. B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil.

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Meditation 015 ~B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? My love for you is deep and unwavering, my Dear. I hope you always feel that. But love, as they say, is a journey. And sometimes, I worry that I’m not moving fast enough on this road of love. Is that my roundabout way of saying why I’m late today?

Better me than you, right? I love all our children, my Dear. And I know you do, too. Virgil is still with us. And I don’t plan on giving him up… ever. But as far as looking for a dozen…

I am not. Now, fifteen is my favorite number… And there it goes. I find myself constantly drawn back to my firstborn son. My Little Braxton. When he left “me,” B III was fifteen, on the brink of his sweet sixteen. It’s a pain that never truly goes away. I miss him every single day, Baby Girl. Always and forever.

THEY say never go to bed angry. I come to bed hot, hard, and pretty hurriedly. The first two are for you. But I do love my sleep. And sometimes, I don’t dream about Braxton.

Braxton doesn’t belong here anymore…

What I mean is this? My son has a lot of comfy spots. A box on the nightstand. The Rainbow Bridge? There’s the place in my dreams. You know, the big fluffy mattress surrounded by food, with one open side so he can run out into the sunlight and play. The last? There’s the dream of him on the beach with us. You and me, we have three two-legged legged-kids and two four-legged-kids. Five kids total. But I keep looking at Virgil. And I think.

I should stop thinking in bed. This is a place of rest. But today, I was late because I was busy writing here. This got me thinking about everything I shouldn’t be doing in bed. Yet, here I am, love.

Crying? Once a man has a family, he shouldn’t cry in bed. I would save it for the car. But where exactly am I going this week? And what about crying in one of the chairs downstairs? Don’t cry to give up. Cry to keep going. That’s from Eric Thomas.

Motivations? It doesn’t help to listen to them while sitting in bed. I should go back to listening to Bikini Days from Audible. Oh! That’s another thing. I shouldn’t be spending money in bed. Not when I have you, Baby Doll, saying, Oh my God! Was that a joke? Anyway, I don’t kneel on the floor beside our bed either… praying? God didn’t save Braxton.

Depression? Dreams? Ding Dong. Lost to B’s Accidental Bedroom, Virgil.

1262 Days Without B III, Day 703 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 014 ~Just Kidding Is No Excuse~

What are SOME of the worst sounds in the world? My son’s last breath. The silence when his heart stopped beating, and I came back alone. My breathing, realizing I’m alive. The alarm clock. Laughter! And then, “Just Kidding.” Just Kidding Is No Excuse

Monday, July 15 2024

Meditation 014 ~Just Kidding Is No Excuse~

Three-Hundredth And Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… and jokes are meant to be funny. How I wish it were true; a comedian died today.

Better myself than my son. And people might think it’s funny to die for my son Braxton or to kill for him. I am/was his daddy. That’s my job, and I failed Madam. No doubt.

Braxton’s absence is a reality I wish I could turn into a joke. I wish I could jest that I’m the biggest bully and that his return is imminent. But it’s not a joke. Braxton is gone. And with him, the laughter and joy he brought. I would give anything for him to return and reclaim his place, even if it meant Virgil had to leave. Braxton might reconsider… It’s a cruel joke, this reality.

That’s what I called it when I heard Braxton’s voice tell me to save Virgil’s life. Virgil must think his life is a joke, and soon, he’ll have a better human rescue him. Poor Virgil.

When I’m not telling Virgil, No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I’m asking him if he is kidding. I take him outside four times a day. We’re out there for twenty minutes. Only for him to decide to “go” in the house. And every time I lay down… I swear, Madam. Braxton would cuddle close to ensure I was safe and then take his post on the corner of the bed to protect me. I know Virgil is not Braxton reborn because Virgil jumps off the bed and leaves.

The demands of my Day Job are like a joke, forcing me to bend to its will. I look at my schedule for this week and the next, and I wonder, where’s my relief? That’s why I’m reaching out now.

Time may be on my side, but the reality is that I’m in a desperate financial situation. I’m left with no choice but to plead for more work hours. It’s not a joke, Madam. I need money if Virgil and I are to have a meal after today, Wednesday, July 10, 2024. And to earn it, I should write, which also requires some financial investment.

Well, if that website I found is any indication. I could even attend Camp NaNoWriMo.

Now, that’s the biggest joke of all. My existence. Every morning, I wake up Madam telling myself I’m going to Live Brave, Do Better, Be A Man. The Man in the Mirror is a bully!

And I’m just kidding when I fail, like today or Monday. But no, Dear Madam, Just Kidding Is No Excuse.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1261 Days Without B III, Day 702 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

Start your day off with “GRATITUDE.” I get this for cutting the grass while listening to motivational speeches. I’m sure Virgil is grateful. I’m thankful for my son’s life. Not so much for a Fake President. Real, Fake? Close? Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

Sunday, July 14, 2024

Meditation 013 ~Virgil, We’ll B Grateful~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, if you’re looking for gratitude. (Frustrating Growl) You got up and wrote two hundred words… Enough?

I swear, it’s days like today… It’s only 7:30 AM. Yesterday? Existence is something else.

You know, now would be a good time to say something! Anything! Braxton’s gone. And Virgil is waiting for his outside time. Anytime now. Well? Speaking of which, you’re late.

If only Braxton were here. Sigh. You wanted to get started at 6:30 AM. But something came up. Oh yeah, that was me last night with all of the madness. Say it with me now. This Is America! Can you blame me for seeking comfort in a maid’s “dirty pillows?”

However, I’m not going to lie about it. And the fact that you’re willing to face the truth about it? With everything you have to face and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dystopian Girls 4, Rodzil LaBraun
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Ok, so I’ll get the ball rolling or balls. Again, I do apologize for last night. “I’m just a sucker for pain.” However, how do we get from a presidential candidate nearly getting his? To me, looking at beautiful maids, I’ll never know. Again, I’m grateful for the truth. I’m thankful for my memories of my son. So? Your turn. Like me, you are eternally for being Braxton’s Dad for fifteen years. And yesterday marks 700 days since meeting Virgil.

Today, Virgil Vivi can bark, “Yeah, yeah, I, oh, I’m still alive.” Are you still thinking about the Fake President almost biting it? You know he’s going to be all, “Many Men wish death upon me.” You? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Hardest Goodbye: Navigating Pet Loss and Grief, Nel Mead
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You actually care to try and put your existence back together. How about the fact that you feel wrong about some… well, most of the things you write down? Eww! You only got out a solid 200 words this morning. And that wasn’t enough for the critics or any feedback.

But if what I gave them yesterday was any indication? And you do know better. Conscience? You could also be hungry with that knot in your stomach. Only that leads you to more gratitude. As THEY say, once you feel there is much to be grateful for, you’ll find more. Anyway, there’s the fact that I wasted money on Audible buying the book “Bikini Days.” And you have one more pet loss book. Seriously! Braxton’s life. Virgil, We’ll B Grateful

1260 Days Without B III, Day 701 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 012 ~B’s Written Up Virgil~

How many times has V seen me write at the table or read on the couch? It’s a beautiful morning. What am I doing? I’m sitting in bed writing about a son I can’t see again… Bosoms, I want to. And making some bucks writing. NOT! “B’s Written Up Virgil.”

Saturday, July 13, 2024

Meditation 012 ~B’s Written Up Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Well, not with how I’ve been existing, trying, and writing. But yes, Lady Lunalesca, I’ve written.

And so you ask me, “Honey, why you calling me so late?” It’s 7:30 in the morning. And I was up at 5:00… okay, a little earlier. I’ll admit that. You know Braxton comes first in my existence. And I’m still not jazzed that I had to wake up. I mean, at all. Existing, Lunalesca…

It’s like blondes vs brunettes, a pawnshop romp to a model being art herself. (Drools).

You’re asking if that is all I think about. My boys, making some bucks, and a girl’s boo… Yabbos. It worked for one of my idols, Lady Lunalesca. So… “Let me get what I want,
This time.” Please excuse me, Lunalesca. I get pretty musical when I’m holding the pen. Metaphorically speaking. Or holding Braxton.

My head is a weird place, for example. Being the defender of books that I am. But knowing that anything I write … will get me written up. I’m sure there are plenty of files from college to the can I sat in for about a week. To be young again, dear Lady Lunalesca. Only I’d go to big boy jail if I wrote like that again, Lunalesca. Dangerous words… All those that could be misinterpreted or used against me. I’m my worst enemy, Lu.

Braxton, Braxton, and more Braxton. Wanting to join my little boy who traveled to The Rainbow Bridge. Tell me, Lunalesca, which of these you prefer: “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” Or “I want to join my Braxton.” They mean the same thing to me, Luna.

You see the two women above. But what if I wanted to compare a 20-something English writer representing my youthful aspirations to a 30-something Latina, who symbolizes my current reality? Is that deep? I still like them both. Hence my story. I swear AI will inevitably end us, Lady Lunalesca.

If I stayed in college, I would have learned how to create myself, Lunalesca. Perhaps.

Unfortunately, all I can do is write. Not to my Olds. You want to add words to my scary word list. Getting a text that reads “You Home?” And what about my friends, Lu? Uh…

Well, Braxton’s Aunt is engaged… again. I don’t need to bother her. With Cherry… talk about the right words. And M Anime? Well, after her nightmare, my writing and critics:

“The part that resonated with me the most was the theme of bodies being twisted and used for sale and objectification. It is a powerful and important topic to explore in literature.”

“I thought the theme was about the objectification and exploitation of women’s bodies, specifically in the sex industry. The use of metaphors and imagery such as “bodies twisted” and “retail therapy” suggest a darker and more sinister side to the sex industry, where women’s bodies are bought and sold for profit.”

“The use of words like “twisted” and “sale” suggest a dehumanizing and transactional view of intimacy and sexuality. It also touches on issues of power dynamics and societal expectations placed on women.”

I’m surprised I’m free to say or write anything for now. This Is America. I’m a writer. Uh, my Day Job? B’s Written Up Virgil.

1259 Days Without B III, Day 700 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 011 ~Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale~

Do you know how a story is pretty good and then… Wham! Let’s just say the author makes it not that way. B’s life story was written by me. My existence is written by my old man, etc. And here’s V reviewing my madness. “Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale.”

Friday, July 12, 2024

Meditation 011 ~Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Must I? It’s always the same, my son, something sinful or sad. All the above? I’m lost in this maze of emotions, Sophia, and I need your “light” to guide me.

“I’ve tried to find the key to fifty million fables…” When the answer’s always been my son, Braxton. And he’s not here to tell me anything. Is that why he sent Virgil to me? Ha!

I can’t blame Braxton. I always said that Braxton was my emotional support. I wanted to get him a little vest and everything. But fifteen years was too much for him. I was planning my trip to Heaven when I was younger than him. And now Braxton is pleading my case before God… or whatever. And Virgil, I’m sure, is reporting all my new sins.

Coincidences. Like after yesterday seeing Maxxxine, and I’m speaking about God. Or watching Twilight: Eclipse and thinking on August 13. And here’s another book review:

Twelve In The Backyard Dungeon:

Don’t mind me for thinking something dirty… But Eddie has seven wives and wants to add another notch to the belt. And I’m giving Backyard Dungeon 12, 4 Stars. As with the others, it’s full of warfare, women, and some weirdness. Only at times, it is wickedly complicated. There are so many characters and locations, so the world is whole. My favorite part, besides the women, is the idea of family. From Eddie finding out about… SPOILER, Twins! And having to deal with his parents and his beautiful blue son. Yet, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone I know. And I’m deeply, irrevocably caught up in the story. It’s too late for me to look away. But I don’t particularly like Eddie. Something about him…

Now that I’m done with that, what would Virgil tell my firstborn son? Daddy’s crazy?

Again, I was at the movies yesterday, and I was thinking about all the religious cult shenanigans in Maxxine. And I questioned what I believe in. For example, atheism vs agnosticism. I would say I don’t believe in God, but that’s because Braxton died, Sophia. And I’ll never believe that a soul like my Braxton would vanish into nothingness, ever. My beliefs are shaken, Sophia, and I struggle to find my footing. So, another day…

What about August 13? That is V’s “Gotcha Day.” But it’s when Edward married Bella.

Even Backyard Dungeon 12. Eddie Hill is expecting twin sons. One he’s naming Virgil. I believe in aliens to zombies. I believe I can write a novel. From M Anime’s Nightmare? Braxton, Virgil’s A Tattletale

1258 Days Without B III, Day 699 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

I shared everything with my son, time, tons of food, and girls with nice ti… Anyway, I don’t share my days with Virgil. We go outside, and then I spend more time cleaning up because he doesn’t “go.” There’s food. But girls? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish.

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Meditation 010 ~Virgil, Let’s B Selfish~

1257 Days Without B III, Day 698 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how my days usually go. “I’d rather be with you, yeah.” Or girls.

I have to check out MaXXXine today. Or should I start a novel based on M Anime’s Nightmare? Now that I have received my last decent paycheck for a while, It was a somewhat pleasant surprise, Braxton. Still, the general consensus is that I wish I didn’t have to wake up at all. And yet here I am with you sending me a tune from Bootsy Collins. If I taught you anything, it was great taste in music and French fries. Ha-ha! What have I been teaching Virgil these days?

Virgil must feel unwanted. Which is why he’s behind the gate in the hallway, Braxton. And here I am in bed. Wishing you were at your guard posts or sleeping by my side since I’m awake at 6:00 AM. Seriously?

Six in the mornin’? I should have been up at four, but I was selfish. Hanging with the Sandman, the dreams in which you, my son, survive, and something, something… Yabbos. Which leads me back to my writing. That’s another reason you’re missed, B III.

Remember the COVID year, the last one you were here with me? You saw the first month of 2021. I’ll never forget you sitting under the table as I wrote ‘my’ novels. Virgil doesn’t do that. Sometimes, I’ll put his pillow beside me so he won’t cry. He only sleeps.

Even if I gave him all ‘my’ time. What would we do? You knew my writing was to provide us with a better life. We’d be selfish but settled sinners. It’s a constant struggle, B.

But how did that work out? I wanted to build Heaven, and you beat me there. Not that I figured I could get in. You would need all the time you could get to plead my case. And here I am, approaching forty. Speaking of old age, your great grandma’s second ‘husband’ passed this week. Did you ever meet Woodrow? He bought me Pokémon Yellow when I was a ‘child.’ Seeing how your grandma forgot to text me about it…

Braxton, I suppose I can skip his funeral. My weekend will be all Mia Goth, a Boricua princess and a buxom English beauty. What about the rest of us, Virgil and I? We’re both selfish. How do we begin sharing, Braxton? Virgil, Let’s B Selfish

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad