Gospel 040 ~Sometimes The Words Are WTF~

I’ve never been one for swearing, but I promise you not a day goes by that I don’t mutter WTF at the smallest to the hugest things like a few minutes ago. “Sometimes The Words Are WTF,” and sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all now

Monday, August 10, 2020

Gospel 040 ~Sometimes The Words Are WTF~

Hundred And Forty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that in and of itself is the concept of WTF. Hell, if you told me when I was a child, I would be right here, SIGH. I don’t want to be a downer Madam Justice but if I only knew… Well, WTF, I’m trying to explain.

As the song goes, “I Feel STUPID.” Take the everyday mundane, like the General Manager running the truck crew. She didn’t remember how to anymore, and there I stood knowing everything. What about the time I wanted to take control of the speaker and play music? Speaking of play, MILF Tres, aka Special K. Every morning I tell her hello, every night I send her a poem from GULP. Now the girl has every reason to ignore me. I checked in on MILF Dos, once or twice, and she blocked me. Should I continue saying, Hi? There’s also the fact that I’m up. Am I talking to you, instead of crawling back into my bed? Is it the fact that I got very close to getting six hours last night? You could call it my envy that I saw Katie o’ Shaughnessy from Youtube getting free stuff from Skybound, WTF.

Yeah, and just like that Madam Justice, I’m turned on. Not only by her but Indiana Evans (Blue Lagoon: The Awakening). Let’s also throw in Sofia Kasuli (Teen Starlet) thank you. Now when I get to “make love” to beautiful women like them, then WTF is this real life? When/If I ever publish one of my many books and start to make some real money? What would it be like to never be scared of walking into the Day Job again because I can leave? Who would I be if I could pay my parents off and say after, “I don’t ever want to see you again?” Of course, I have to turn it right back around to women again. Can I ever say WTF, I’m in love? Yet what would get me, is some girl telling me that she’s in love with the man I see in the mirror every day. Can’t say I know the feeling at all.

A few minutes ago, I told myself I would be reading now. I can commit to the Day Job but to keep a promise to myself or My Dæmon SIGH. Sometimes The Words Are WTF.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 033 ~Women Always Find The Truth~

If I lie, she’ll make things up, if I’m honest, she’ll think I’m a million times worse, so yeah, I’m lying. Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day, as THEY say, that wouldn’t be a lie, but wouldn’t I still be hiding facts? Women Always Find The Truth

Monday, August 3, 2020

Gospel 033 ~Women Always Find The Truth~

Hundred And Forty-Eight Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I better be if I don’t intend to live mine alone. Does that sound like I don’t have a high opinion of women? Madam Justice, I pay them the highest ideal of all, I tell them the TRUTH. Now, why hasn’t LIE made it to my Most Hated Words list? I know the value of lies, yes. I lie to save my behind. So I’ll lie at the Day Job, to my “father” and even to myself. Hell, I even lie to my Dæmon. He got me singing, “I know, I know, I know.” Like any woman, though, he knows the truth of what I am.

For the longest time, I figured I was scared of women but not for the reason that they may think. I’m shy, I’m an introvert, I suffer from Social Anxiety, take your pick. You want the truth, how about another song, “Everybody knows I’m a motherfucking monster.” Pardon my language Madam Justice, but again I’m only being honest. I can go all-in on a guy only wanting one thing, and that’s true enough. I believe in the primal instinct. On the basic level, men and women come together for one thing, and everything else is born of that, not only children. Only people pretend everything else and for what, to deny themselves? I have seen it firsthand. My words in the hands of someone else and as fast as you can say Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off. So why would I waste time lying?

I respect a woman for her intelligence… at least I try. I’m still thinking about that video I watched on being CREEPY. So I’m supposed to lie my entire life, never take a free breath, be trapped because of the concept of nature vs. nurture? I always take responsibility, but I would work for all the money in the world than kill myself off. I’m not suicidal, but anytime I felt that way, it’s been because of other people. You can’t tell a woman that right off the bat. Neither can I tell her everything I want to do to her. The idea though that I want to fuck her, well, she knows. More to me lies (sigh) Undiscovered. And I know I sound like one of those women-hating freaks, but I love women, and Women Always Find The Truth.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 026 ~Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance~

Do you matter, if I asked the Day Job, I’m nowhere near ESSENTIAL, I know plenty of women who think I’m the worst thing for asking, “how are you?” I look at myself in the mirror, I should go back to bed. “Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance.”

Monday, July 27, 2020

Gospel 026 ~Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance~

Hundred And Forty-Seven Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how many others can I name besides Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos? It feels good to get down to brass tacks once again because I finished my book this morning. I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it… a book that no one will ever discover. Hell, I even set it up for a trilogy. Possibly with that UK blonde, I was talking about last night and Reagan Kathryn. I’m one in a million men that want to well… I think I have written enough sex talk for a while, or have I? I’m kidding, hmm?

Only this afternoon, while I was contemplating going to the store, I saw a picture of Momokun. It was one of her lewdest, and I wanted to say something about her lips. Now, this brings me to my point today. If I had said something like that, she would have blocked me, deleted me, something. How many messages, though, do you think she gets like that? You know one of my favorite tunes is The Man by Aloe Blacc. I’m not anyone exceptional, Madam Justice, and I know this goes against all my motivations, but I’m nobody. You know I’m always saying I want to be a better man, but most people see me is either the ant or the monster. I’m either not worth looking at. A sign of things to come, or I’m the worst thing to happen.

So I get used to being nothing, I accept it. Then it’s like I tell a girl she’s pretty and wham, bam, damn. Don’t get me wrong I know I’ve gone overboard with many a girl, I take responsibility. Look at something like OnlyFans, though. I’m again a number in the heard if I ignore a girl, so what. If I give them attention, I’m usually paying for it. You peek at any of my social accounts, and I am a pervert extraordinaire. Then again, who is paying attention to me? I go back and forth even here, Madam Justice. I can’t tell you everything because the moment that I do as the song goes, sigh, I’m a Bad Man.

Where’s the middle ground ever? How can I be someone who exists without being someone everybody will hate or fear? It’s easier to be nobody. So why am I writing?

Such are delusions of grandeur… Don’t Underestimate Your Own Insignificance.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 019 ~Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind~

I wish people would make up their minds. Either I never talk, I talk too much, and what was I crying about a couple weeks ago, another block, getting deleted, etc. Not to mention, my words are all over the place. “Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind.”

Monday, July 20, 2020

Gospel 019 ~Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind~

Hundred And Forty-Six Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I wonder does anyone with so much money live by this rule. For the record, this comes from a grander law. I read once about the things that come out of your mouth. As you can see or hear, most days, I prescribe to the language of the Men In Black.

“Silence your native tongue” MIB

“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” – A Few Good Men

Let’s start with the truth. Every conversation we have here is about the non-fiction. Of course, there are things I don’t say and stuff I cannot show. Hell Madam Justice, this is a confession more for Inspector Echo, but let me tell you. I’ve been in juvenile detention once upon a time. Never been to jail as an adult, but I’m like Tom DuBois. I mean, I have no intention of ever seeing a “real” prison because of what I’ve been taught goes on there. People can’t handle my truth, and at times I can’t either. I will instead be silent than utter a lie. Now I do lie but again like Tom, only to save my ass at times. Madam Justice, I spend far too much time adhering to what others think of me; to fight it all though?

“I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.” Scarface

It’s not necessary. I say way too much in the form of making conversation. Remember, when I told everyone that my Grandfather caught the Coronavirus (COVID-19). Did I talk about my little sister being in quarantine too? It was accurate, and people do need to know, judging by the state of the country. Now, what about anything to do with Yabbos or my penis. Both necessary in my life but not in anybody else’s, so what’s left for me? I can talk about my Dæmon. Yep, when everyone’s having babies.

Kindness though? I don’t think I ever wrote this rule down, but it goes like so. Do You: Harm No One. Of course, I see exceptions to that rule as with most. I don’t like to hurt anyone outside of BDSM play or even vanilla. Now that’s too much information, I know Madam Justice. It’s like looking up Cindy Aurum, and next thing you know, she’s in my erotica or porn, I guess. What if I did live by today’s rule? I surely would be a monk, but would I have peace. Well, along with honesty, necessity, and kindness, yes, peace but speaking it? I don’t know how Madam Justice. Three Gates, True, Necessary, Kind.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 012 ~Difference Between Sense And Censor~

If I could write something, like American Beauty or if I had billions of dollars. What about if I catered to the religious, who speak of hated and have holy books full of sex, and hell, it doesn’t make sense to me. Difference Between Sense And Censor

Monday, July 13, 2020

Gospel 012 ~Difference Between Sense And Censor~

Hundred And Forty-Five Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means everyone wants a piece of me, in my wildest dreams. I can imagine someone going over these conversations with a fine-tooth comb. Have I gone too far in a “few” places? I have often enough, though you may have noticed changes here or there. Didn’t I, at one point, just say boobs, breasts, or even dirty mom tits? Thank you, MILF Dos. Now I say “Yabbos” mainly because of Thora Birch and Mena Suvari, which brings me to my point. American Beauty is a good movie… Hol’ Up A Minute?

Okay, there are three ways I want to come at this. First, as I was saying in American Beauty Jane Burnham and Angela Hayes. Thora and Mena, respectively. They play high school girls and Lester Burnham pervs on Angela. Meanwhile, Ricky Fitts gets to film Jane’s Yabbos, which she shows off. Now I can say I like this movie and that makes sense. Now what I’m feeling right this second, that’s me censoring myself. I won’t finish my thoughts, Madam Justice, because what? Am I ashamed, what about what the world teaches, having good sense?

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
― by William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

That brings me to my big sister. I’ve quoted this often enough that she said, you can’t build a strip club next to a school. I’ve heard killers speak about “no women, no kids.” Madam Justice, you know how I want to live my life. I don’t hide it from anybody. At the end of the day, somehow, I want to become a pornographer. As Dennis Hof did, I want to own brothels. Hell, one day, I want a modeling agency. All of this starts with my writing, though. I want to write everything from something like Wanderlust. To Sex Zombies, Begging For It, Lolita.

There’s that twinge again. Why is it that it makes so much sense to me to stay small? Okay, this is the third thing; I censor everything I am in the name of good taste. I abhor liars Madam Justice which explains why I hate myself, but it’s a lose-lose situation. If I tell the truth, I get blocked. If I lie, I’m in a box because the real me is dead. I know enough to play it safe, but as the song goes AHEM, why can’t I be me.

He doesn’t make sense but Difference Between Sense And Censor.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 005 ~What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself~

I avoid mirrors like the “plague,” but that’s because I know who I am like I’m some sort of vampire. I have been called plenty worse, and yet I continue ever forward because, as the song goes, “And I Can’t Help Myself,” but also. What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself

Monday, July 6, 2020

Gospel 005 ~What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself~

Hundred And Forty-Forth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and what’s my name? Yesterday I talked about a friend, a good guy that said “the Will thing” is overplayed. Last week I asked the question, could one ever get sick and tired of money. To these things, I will answer. Tell me I could only write things like Gulp, The Safe Word Is, and Miss Someday for the rest of my life. You know I want to be in love, but at the same time, I know what I want out of life. What about ending up like, “Dad?” If I couldn’t be me, Madam Justice, well you’ll see life’s Hell.

Be Yourself, isn’t that what everyone says? My Big Sister told me, you can’t build a strip club by a school. I took her words to heart, and I understand. The thing is, at this stage in the game, I would have to destroy everything, all that I am. My friend, my sister, even Indiana Gone, don’t fully understand the person that I am. Don’t get me started on my “charming” family. Now I have My Dæmon, of course, and he understands my love for him, but what else? Indiana Gone watched “Of Inner Demons” with me, but even she doesn’t know my depravity. Then there are the times I have to pretend, and we all do. Sometimes I think I’m too damn good at it, which explains the Day Job. I then look at those I do care for, and what happens? The Rainbow Girl, MILF Dos, do I have to continue Madam Justice?

Cherry talked about being a stalker, and in a way, I know I’m the same. I told Indiana Gone that I’m the type of guy who will watch a porno flick for the fashion choices. When I watch porn or get off, I have to know everything about a girl, name, age, measurements, etc. It helps with my novels because that’s the only way I’ll ever know them. At the same time, I don’t because I turn them into what the story demands. It should be a Hell worthy trespass to do that. At the same time, forgetting who you are to be what someone needs. Nobody needs me, but they all make me out to be, well, something vile.

I’m going to Hell for plenty, but being remembered honestly? What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself

I Will Have No Fear

Log 364 ~A Definition Of Hell, Repetition~

As the song goes, Every day is exactly the same, and if it works for the damned, denounced, and the dead, who am I to disagree? It’s life, it’s the Day Job, the disease, the dystopia which is plenty more fun in books. A Definition Of Hell, Repetition

Monday, June 29, 2020

Log 364 ~A Definition Of Hell, Repetition~

Hundred And Forty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but can one ever get bored with money? I see dollars, like I see “Dirty Pillows,” as I see dreams. Before I woke up this afternoon, it was my grandmother holding Baby Yoda or a Gremlin. Anyway, let me ask this question, where am I right now? Where was I Sunday morning, Saturday, how about tomorrow? You ask me why I am complaining while having a roof over my head and a bed. At least I woke up on time this afternoon. Today it was Final Fantasy VII Porn and Sex Dolls, yesterday it was more lunch.

Do you get why I say “Another Day” at the Day Job? If anything, that’s a compliment. Every time I walk in, well, congratulations, that’s the worst day of my life. I should finish reading “Too Late” and get back into my motivations. Another Day is me hoping for better. The world isn’t helping, though. I wish I could say something profound and inspirational, but what do we have. Racism at all corners, one more reason to stay inside. Can’t forget about Coronavirus (COVID-19) like other people. The President is in trouble as always. Now that brings me back to porn. The more I attempt to avoid it, the more it finds me, and yeah, at this point, I’m still on day one. I swear I’m going insane, but if I can get past the week. Yeah, I’m laughing too.

I should be thinking about getting past the month with Camp NaNoWriMo. So what will I be writing about for my next novel, can you guess? Brothels, Blood, and the Brotherhood or Fatherhood of a man and his Snoopy. Should I be thinking about the next woman, I’m going to piss off. One more week, and I still haven’t heard from MILF Dos or Cherry. How about if I finally get the courage to call Supercuts before the country goes back into lockdown. What about my boss who hasn’t said anything, so as the song goes, Why Should I Worry? Tonight though, will be more of the same, will it not? A TV Dinner and maybe a Hot Pocket? I’ll watch Snowpiercer because today is still Sunday, so I’m back to time travel. In the end, though, It Doesn’t Matter.

I’m running but not getting nowhere because of this rut? Nearly one more year down. A Definition Of Hell, Repetition

I Will Have No Fear

Log 350 ~You Can’t Hide Truth Forever~

I should have known better. If the Day Job isn’t destroying my life every second, I walk in the place… George Floyd died over twenty bucks, and how dare I? The truth of a black man being threatening but my problems. You Can’t Hide Truth Forever.

Monday, June 15, 2020

Log 350 ~You Can’t Hide Truth Forever~

Hundred And Forty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have a stomachache, but both result in the same thing. Madam Justice, I am one sick individual. I’m also a man full of many contradictions. As Romeo put it, sad hours seem long, and at the same time, here I am, time-traveling and for what?

It’s still Sunday, but I’m trying to outrun my tears. Hell, if I didn’t freak MILF Dos out before um, I am now. It’s like noticing I screwed up today’s rule, “You Can’t Hide The Truth Forever” (six words instead of five). Anyway I know you’re not Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. Why do I need to give a confession or an indulgence of my sin? Five stages of grief? As always, I am not a Christian. I quote songs often like Behead The Kings, but I know my Bible, Justice.

“I’m a man of god but I don’t need a savior”

“so don’t be brave, have a little common sense” Behead the Kings by Outerspace

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

So I will speak my sins, these truths, and who knows, by the time I reach MILF Dos, I may understand what I did wrong.

The D: Now, if anything, I should say the F as I failed plenty because of her. A brunette I met in high school and wrote a lot about in college. That is until I almost ended up in Cell Block D. I was listening to my D. Two Dads, hers and mine almost killed me for my writing. I dropped out of school because I no longer had the dollars. Last I checked The D’s a happily married mom, with some little monsters too.

Sweetness: a young Latina on Youtube. People a long time ago, know I was smitten with her, obsessed. I made videos about her, a blog, hell half of my poetry collection. She put me down easy, though, and I discovered how quickly and effortless it was to destroy my work. Can you say, STALKER Much?

The Harmonic War: I swear this is my greatest shame. I’m sure she would tell you all about it, but I couldn’t even read it myself. I lost a ton of friends for that. To this very day, though, I know TTB and Teen Starlet. I have been led to Russia, and I pay $20.00 a month for Vault Girls.

All That Jazz: She’s a step above The Harmonic War and Sweetness. I won’t tell you where I met her, but all you need to know is I didn’t have the stones to ask her out properly. I gave her a note and put one on her car. Higher powers got involved, and I nearly lost everything. I’ve seen pretty girls in the same place. I’ll never again risk it.

Basic Bitch: I’m angry at her now, but still, it was all my fault. She was another brunette and a divorced one at that. Commenting on her blog, I learned I talked too much. I won’t even go there now. She gave me one of my most “useful” words… SKEEVY. Okay, did take my side.

Rainbow Girl: A lesson from the Basic Bitch. God, I hate sounding like Trump, but “Be Nice.” I tried Madam Justice honest. I named her Rainbow Girl on account of her hair, and after one of my favorite book characters from the Fever Series. One night she brought up butterflies, and I sent Butterfree from Pokémon. She quoted the song “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored,” and I came back with Crazy Town’s Butterfly. I asked her out twice before this (through text). You know what happened next, BLOCKED.

Okay: A young brunette, all of them have been brunettes or dark hair. (I don’t recall The Harmonic War, but I wasn’t trying anything with her). She was my maid once but more, a good friend. As Positive K put it, “What’s your man got to do with me?” Okay, she’s technically MILF Uno. One day she was supposed to come by and said she couldn’t, and we haven’t talked since. I wasn’t blocked by her. Still, there’s no reason to bother. She’s getting married too and is quite happy.

Cherry: A twenty-three-year-old vixen from across the pond. If we talked about women I had to lie to, she was one I was honest with. Yeah, I wanted to see her naked, and we spoke every day. It’s been about a month since I sent her pieces of my novel. I wrote about her and her mom and, of course, haven’t heard anything back. She likes a post every once and a while, but we don’t speak these days anymore.

MILF Dos: Again, I’m not sure about The Harmonic War, but MILF Dos is the oldest on this list. We met through TIBU and have many mutual connections. About a year ago when she needed money I offered her a deal which worked quite well… yabbos. She went into modeling then stopped. MILF Dos wanted more money, and I was so scared to ask, but I took the leap. We came to an arrangement, and I was over the moon. Now she gave me back my cash because she wanted to deliver first, so no worries. Until Saturday, June 13, I’m lying here in bed, hand in my pants, looking over messages she sent and bam, BLOCKED. Thus my spiral.

Now, what did I do wrong, hmm? I checked in on her earlier in the day with a message. She posted something about being out of work. I responded about my anxiety and being out of work this week myself. I don’t understand, but the moment I realized I went back and commented where I knew she would see it. I was begging her and apologizing, for I don’t know what. The thing is, what do all these women have in common, well besides being unfortunate in ever meeting me.

Of nine again, eight of them were brunettes. Two of them were minorities, All That Jazz was Mixed, and Sweetness was yes a Latina. Only one isn’t American, and that’s Cherry being a Brit. Seven were teens to twenties. Sweetness being the youngest seventeen… Five I have met face to face, the other four all online. Four have blocked me outright. Sweetness is gone, The D I’ve never sent a request. Okay, and Cherry are friends everywhere, and The Harmonic War is on Instagram still. I know you’re telling me right now, Madam Justice, that I’ve lost the mission. What about the rule? I’m telling the truth, I’m not hiding it, I remember. Only I can’t for the life of me put my finger on what I did wrong Saturday.

A part of me doesn’t want to know because chances are I’ll hate myself even more than I do right now. Does Milf Dos think I’m a stalker? Did some secret get out, and then the question becomes which? I could have said something, but what did I do all that night? There’s always the idea that I did nothing but be myself. Yeah, I’m disgusting. Do I need more reasons to consider posting this everywhere? Yeah, letting everyone else decide? I CAN’T BE ME. You Can’t Hide Truth Forever.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 343 ~Want Is Just Another Virus~

Ignorance and Want only it’s nowhere near Christmas, I know, but if I ever have the money? Well, considering how I feel about the Day Job or the things I actually want to do for a living, I can tell you “stuff” I want. Want Is Just Another Virus

Monday, June 8, 2020

Log 343 ~Want Is Just Another Virus~

Hundred And Forty Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… or how I want to be. Now, this is the perfect rule for right this second. It’s times like these, I realize that I have a problem. THEY talk about how “some” black men emulate Tony Montana. The Money, Power, Women, Gimme.

It’s no secret that this week I want, hell, I need money. I ought to be ashamed, Madam Justice. Only today (Saturday) I had a full day, and what have I done with it? To my shame, I slept, and Eric Thomas often talks about being willing to give up sleep. There’s also the fact I wanted that so badly I didn’t get myself a snack. How much will it cost to get over my fear of being awake? Even now, I checked out my schedule for next week and what do think I saw. SHOES, HOME & KIDS, dammit, I want money, so I’ll never have to listen to these STUPID people ever again. Now isn’t that the dream, and sounding like Trump? I do think having money does make you deaf. Of course, I hear everything which tells you all about my finances.

You know I’m one to quote Master Yoda, Fear, Anger, Hate, Suffering. Money leads to Power or the whole Rock, Paper, Scissors Dynamic. Power, Knowledge, Money. Money buys Power, Knowledge can take Money, Power crushes Knowledge. I want the power to not look STUPID. At this time, I want enough strength to stand up to my boss. Anger makes me sick, Madam Justice. I would say it makes me powerful, but here I am like a lamb to the slaughter and why? A Black woman and now ain’t the time.

What, for women? As Jake Morgendorffer put it, “God, God, Dammit,” how do you think I woke up after my nap? Drooling over “Specs,” Alyson Hannigan, and I’ll take a shot at saying Alison Rey because I need to stop looking at porn. I’m a master detective when it comes to that but can’t find one old lady, an electric knife. Even with NO FAP, I’m going crazy, and I want to… well, go off like a fire hose. I remember the words satisfaction is the death of desire, and that’s why I’m a dead man most of the time.

At least want shows I’m still fighting or about to. Want Is Just Another Virus.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Last week I said I barely notice the Coronavirus (COVID-19) anymore, and I’m not alone in that. Besides all the fears that come with being a black man in this country. I have to find the courage to even get out of bed. “Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage”

Monday, June 1, 2020

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Hundred And Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… yep along with saying I’m hopeful. I’m sorry to say Madam Justice; all I have is the fear. Oh, and the lusts, I can’t forget about that. As the song goes, it takes two, but what do you get when you add terror and horniness? Isaku, Dark Shell, The Harvest Night? I would advise you not to look those up. So why even say their names, you ask me? Allow me this small luxury, it’s taking everything not to look at them myself, amongst other things. Tip of the iceberg I tell you but back to business.

I tell you every now and again, I am not a man of faith. At this moment, however, as the song goes. Please allow me to improvise, I’m a man of God with no need for saving. Hell, that’s the very first thing, especially with the current news, to live as I will, no allowance. From a concept to a prayer. For this week, I pray for courage not only for myself but for my son. He has faith I will return. You can even call it, hope when I tell him so. Through I shared fear sadly of the world beyond these walls, we combine our strength to survive. Madam Justice, I fear this entire week though, so wherein lies my hope. Dare I dream of my Six Impossible Things? Lies aren’t they, each and every week. I don’t hope I have good days. No, I fear that day when I’ll get myself fired.

So again, I’m looking for courage. Fear Plus Hope, but how about Purpose And Why. Here’s another song for you, Joy And Pain, as my aunt taught me? Here and now Madam Justice I am afraid, but I’m telling myself I will be better. Like at the Day Job last week, how I got birds slamming into the door now. How about the fact that my “father” is coming over? Fear can serve as great motivation, but it’s running with no destination, and your legs give, and you end up like me. Yeah, lying in bed, hoping that you won’t have to wake up tomorrow. What do I hope for, though, and that’s pretty damn easy to answer ahem WOMEN.

My purpose, but why? When can I tell the world that, to be that brave? Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage.

I Will Have No Fear