Log 033 ~Will Makes Life Harder~

The only thing harder than writing is, okay, I won’t go there but that and what I have devoted my life to both come out pleasurable in the end; today though let’s see if I have a problem that can trump the two, seriously? Will Makes Life Harder

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Log 033 ~Will Makes Life Harder~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, so why isn’t cold hard cash enough? You know I’ve never held the delusion that money fixes everything? Indeed, money should make things harder because I have plenty of building to do. I say it often enough, brothels, photoshoots, resorts, strip clubs, studios. Not to mention everything that it takes to defend my new empire. It all starts with a pen or pencil in my hand, how my fingers hit the keys. Of course, you know what I have been holding onto these days; day one.

So I’m trying to find things that are harder than that, ha good luck. Well if we start with last night, Hank shot Connor. Relax, it’s Detroit Become Human; still, I hate to lose. If anything makes me despise humanity “It’s In The Game” it’s Hank. If you’re wondering about humanity “In The Desert Of The Real” I saw my sister and nephew last night. I never know what to do with my family; I fucking research Pornstars (LANGUAGE). Friends aren’t helping, though I’m happy for “Indiana Gone.” I’m still planning how to get to her wedding. As for my best friend, my son “B III,” he had a slight illness last night. Puking by the gallons and talk about changing dirty diapers or pee pads. It was hard having to keep him away because his favorite “sick spot” is under the bed… a mess?

Hell, I haven’t spoken to “Okay” in forever. Where else can I find a maid that I could talk out of her clothes one day? You see like that I’m always back to the porn from Hazel Ricotta to Alice March, OnlyTease Hettie, and others. The Devil’s Hand it seems, thank you Alycia Debnam-Carey and Adelaide Kane. Keeping myself in check is tougher than letting B III out twenty times to bark. Dare I say more so than Walmart Chicken Tenders, after twenty-four hours. How about avoiding awkward moments with anyone? I could tell my Day Job no or stand-up to one of the many men there and not some girl. What about being weighed down by some lost Facebook friend? Don’t even get me started on everything in my country that is going wrong.

“Wheels of Steel,” “Iron Will” from William Shakespeare, to the Conqueror and Will Smith. My dreams are gigantic, to hold them, Will Makes Life Harder.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

What do you want to be someday and I don’t think a father ever made my list but maybe a Power Ranger, and now I want to be a PIMP but in my dreams what did I become I’m still asking? Will We Be Heroes

Friday, June 21, 2019

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, which is why B III is sleeping on my lap. How much do I want to relax after today’s events? Last night wasn’t any easier; strange dreams. You see one more reason I don’t have nightmares usually is because I’m the monster. I was plenty scared today and last night. Well, long story short, I don’t know what hero I was Lady Sophia. They were all there, Captain America, Spiderman, Black Panther, others. The thing is though in the dream, in a book of heroes, I couldn’t find myself at all.

Now forgive my BLASPHEMY, but for a moment I thought I was Stan Lee. How dare I but I don’t ever write about heroes. You know what they say about heroes and legends. Of course, there has to be someone there to write about all their great deeds. What heroic actions did I take today other than saving my son from a tummy ache? How about facing down people and not killing them? How about going back to Taco Bell after complaining. Somehow keeping my shit together (LANGUAGE) looks like Captain America is back. In my dream, the deed I remember is Spiderman escaping a house explosion. I swear up to the moment I woke up; I was trying to identify myself. I’m an Employee, Father, Consumer, Writer, so what’s wrong with this picture, Sophia.

Is that a question I should be asking today? My panic over B III kept me from worrying about other things. Take, for example, the Gallery List I didn’t share. I was probably reading the wrong book and should have gone looking for villains. That’s how I see myself at work sometimes when as CJ put it, I listen to that hardcore gangsta shit (LANGUAGE). I still have my list of would-be evildoers, according to society. In the end, though I’ll always see myself as the worst. Only I don’t remember any criminals in my dream. There was fire though that reminds me of my novel, Apocalypse Rush. Even so, I met some evil people today. Well one of them did help Triple B so how can I consider that man terrible? Have I failed my little boy once again?

Which brings me back to Stan Lee and how he would only watch. I moved when I had to do what was right. I was a father, but still, I ask, Will We Be Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 194 ~How Will Goes Unwritten~

Am I writing good or bad, truth or fiction; I would be rather pleased if I were writing anything at all and the one that I’m doing it all for, could never read one word of it, though he understands, or so I hope, it’s for him. How Will Goes Unwritten?

Friday, January 11, 2019

Episode 194 ~How Will Goes Unwritten~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, stop writing checks, although honestly, I don’t remember the last time I ever did, money orders nowadays, though my debit card could probably tell quite a few stories. This week my writings were supposed to be one about positivity, but I might have spoiled that yesterday because I find there are words that even I won’t write and you ask me why not considering the things I do write every day.

For one I refuse to write an obituary for my son, hell no, B III is going to live, and that’s even if I call the Vet he treated him an idiot, doesn’t mean he’s a hero either and haven’t I written plenty that I’m petty amongst other things. Also, I won’t write, “goodbye,” “The End,” or will I remain silent when my child NEEDS something, and I will never write a single regret of having him in my life. Yes, I write of my failures often when it comes to being his father but I will never write than I gave up on him; like I told the man in the mirror as I want to be The Best Man I Can Be, right behind that I need to be the best father ever.

Lady Sophia, I never want to be ashamed of my name ever again, and it’s hard, but with this week, yes I’m turning every negative into a positive because writing out the usual spiel does nothing but keep me in a Mad Season. How about that period when I didn’t want to say that I’m sorry for things that absolutely, positively have nothing to do with me or what about saying the word impossible; well you know that goes with my “mission statement.” If I learned anything from the “Ho Business” yes I’m nearly done with “The Art of the Pimp” and still thinking about dealing with the MILF, I never want to write a deal that I’M the one that’s going to get screwed in the end once again.

Writing is my purpose Lady Sophia and like I was telling “Okay” last night, my “why” is Triple B which means I should honestly get to work, he’s not the only one who needs to live and I already said yesterday I don’t write suicide notes. One more thing, I should never write another excuse as to why I can’t do something or didn’t “TRY,” and never again another statement for the Day Job; I know How Will Goes Unwritten.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 170 ~Looking Forward To Will~

I don’t want a girl that only keeps me on my toes but knocks me off of my feet, and no I’m not one of those guys if anything I too lazy or too terrified to move but how often do I see someone so beautiful? Looking Forward To Will.

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Episode 170 ~Looking Forward To Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well probably ten million by this point (Thank You Jim Carrey) but wait how about One Hundred Million, I can keep going and how you know I can run. So I ask myself what was it about you… okay not just you, I tried frying bacon once, set off smoke detectors, I’ve had panic attacks at three different jobs, B III had a fever and hurt his leg, two separate occasions, I was scared, but I didn’t run away those times.

“Call It Courage” is more than a book I read once for school (decent enough), and speaking of school, maybe that was it, I was expected to stay put, I didn’t want to remember the past, the future always got worst but in the end, as the song goes, I’m Alive. Breathing is a good thing right but to keep you; it meant reading a cookbook, it was finding a way to listen to my calling, and knowing in my heart what I had to do. I still can’t cook much but more than tartar sauce, I couldn’t work retail, but my books are selling… and Triple B is going to live to ripe old age, seeing as how we gave him siblings and more comfy spots to consider always.

Like father like son, he looks forward to breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, to relaxing as I read, to the light outside so he can go for walks, four legs and makes it look effortless and here I have two and taking that first step towards you was probably the hardest thing ever. Then on the day, you became mine, your first step, your next, how many after that and you were here beside me, and I know, I say it over and over, I expect to see you go running away someday. Next thing I know the two of us are chasing six feet, who are probably hunting four paws as I speak, I’m sure B III wasn’t looking forward to this in senior years.

Still, I call it Puppy Love because the first time I saw you baby girl, I didn’t know how my legs worked, I longed to make you happy, to hear my name on your lips, would it take a hop, skip and a jump, would I step or would I leap? Do you know why dragons and knights fight; you’re no damsel in distress, my love; you’re my Girl On Fire, man, and beast envy that inferno in women but I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm, so here I stand, and here I stay ha, your Will, my will, Looking Forward To Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 164 ~The Dogs Of Will~

Warriors Come Out And Write, or maybe I should be reading, yes definitely but I was busy fighting back sleep and losing might I add, didn’t even take an energy shot today but war leaves destruction. The Dogs Of Will

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Episode 164 ~The Dogs Of Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t fund unnecessary WARS, WALLS, and WORDS, most importantly of all, don’t pay for your WORRIES, I did plenty of that today but here’s my main reason, I don’t have a dog in any of these fights, you hear that Peta?

Anyway besides my first sin of paying for all my worries with Time, how about the War On Christmas, how I promised myself when I was a little boy that I could never permit myself to become one of those individuals angry with the holidays… What’s My Age Again, Baby It’s Cold Outside and do I have to mention PEOPLE, and I don’t mean Scrooge or the Grinch, their wars were never on Christmas itself but on humanity and situations that arose. So my second sin today is all my hatred for not only Christmas, Halloween, Independence Day (I abhor fireworks) and of course you know there is one holiday I utterly despise, one day, mainly I am the dog when it comes to that.

Speaking of the man that makes a few women’s lives worse, I found this pornstar that reminded me of that MILF I have been obsessing over… yes, Inspector Echo it’s proven difficult to maintain self-control but come on, it’s Gia Steel. Am I looking for a fight with Pinterest, forgetfulness from a friend who’s a parent, failures from another pair of pants, none of these things I should be involved in but should I obsess over Gia or Haley, count this as a third sin.



Finally let’s talk about my actual dog, my son “B III” a fourth sin, simply comparing myself to Morpheus from The Matrix Trilogy but I can only show him the door, he has to choose to walk through and if it comes to shoving pills down his throat so be it. We’re constantly fighting about his meds, I lock him up nearly every day when at first all I needed was peanut butter, but I am trying to keep him alive. If I could Inspector Echo I would take his heart murmur, I would give him my years, all the time I tell myself he’s going to live long enough to defend my wife’s belly, to have my children fighting over him, for me to finally do right, I “try.”

May you forgive me “Inspector Echo” my six sins, how I worry, the rage that the holidays bring me, my failure with my pants. The thought of being a great man of fiction; that I cannot fight this battle for my little boy, and why I should be a greater man but am I warring against The Dogs Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear