Log 278 ~The Apocalypse Will Be~

One more week and I’m still well, writing, waking up later but getting a full night’s sleep even though I don’t want it because dare I say it, these words will be the end of me, while planning an Apocalypse. The Apocalypse Will Be

Saturday, April 4, 2020

Log 278 ~The Apocalypse Will Be~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but before that, I wasn’t much of nothing. Lady Luna, I don’t mean to be harmful, and I don’t want to sound like the “President,” either. This morning though, I had an epiphany, or I was dreaming about The Walking Dead. Perhaps great men are made by other great men. I’m well aware that’s from The Postman. Anyway, I was thinking about several things. Why I like the rain, why times such as this don’t scare me, why I’m a writer, where is that “dang” humming? So these words came out.

“You have to be larger than life, in the land of the dead.” Will Bradford

Today I want to talk about how I saw the apocalypse, working out. If anything, I’m a bit of a fan. I’ve heard and said often enough that “we need a new plague.” I’m well, thank you for asking, some allergies here or there. Can I sing out, I’ll Always Love My Mama, she said I never get sick? I see myself riding out the Coronavirus (COVID-19) like Matt Damon in Contagion. I tell you, My Lady, it sucks having all these ideas but no time. Am I using an old and tired excuse? No, I’m working on The Eve of a Cherry. I’m disappointed in myself as I didn’t make it to Five Thousand Words last night. Sticking to the matter at hand, well, hopefully not literally, I still imagine the end of the world in a brothel. In the first two chapters, though, I have already “buried” two bodies and one woman I didn’t even give a name.

“I made myself into a monster because that is what the world needed. I built something. I saved people. My name meant something.” ― Negan

In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock. ― Tyrion Lannister

Indiana Gone knows I’m a true believer in zombies and said that I really want them. It’s not that I’m bored, but when AMC can’t show the last episode of The Walking Dead. We should also keep the thought I’m a general misanthrope. I’ve also figured that some aliens might go all The 5th Wave on our butts someday. Well, minus the actual 5th because that didn’t make sense to me in their plan of attack. Also, the truth is I never finished the series. I’m still trying to finish The Gargoyle for the third time. Finally, what about a Machine War or better a Machine Love Fest? I did enter that RealDollX Sweepstakes; Sex Robot?

“She was trapped. Hungry. Alone. Like me. She was the last thing left in this world that I loved. She protected me. She got me here. Made me larger than life and I made this place.” The Well, King Ezekiel

“People want someone to follow. It’s the human nature. They want someone to make them feel safe. People who feel safe are less dangerous, more productive. They see a dude with a tiger, they start telling stories about finding it in the wild. Wrestling it into submission, turning it into his pet. They make the guy larger-than-life. A hero! Who am I to burst their bubble?” The Well, King Ezekiel

I’ve written better endings, but still The Apocalypse Will Be?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 313 ~Willing A Bad Story~

One of my motivations talks about Becoming The Hero Of Your Own Story and to this day I still hear my mother saying, God is in control, or I could have imagined that like her reading to me or singing Simple Man. Willing A Bad Story

Friday, May 10, 2019

Episode 313 ~Willing A Bad Story~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and a damn good writer. Then again is there such a thing as a bad story? Lord of the Flies by William Golding, I heard it’s a classic, but I could never read it. How about Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, the word still creeps me out saying. Not to mention the story was longwinded and let’s say I was expecting something, different. Okay before you go calling the cops for my studies in DDLG, I tried reading the Bible too. Even got through a few books.

I’m not looking up the last book I crapped on. Still last night I was telling Dirty Diana about my “Red Dawn” fantasy. Decided to pass it on to the redheads over in Carson City, Nevada. Didn’t take long for one to say no flat-out. Speaking of beauties with red hair looks like I’ll be saving ten bucks on Patreon. The cosplayer is quitting. Of course, while I know this has nothing to do with me, I’m a selfish S.O.B. I have come up with a myriad of reasons this is my fault. So don’t want to attempt emailing the other girl in Nevada, scared to press MILF Dos. Busy complaining to “Indiana Gone.” My words have power Lady Sophia.

If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang
~Ghetto Gospel Tupac Shakur~

Now imagine being hit with that kind of power bearing down for years “What’s My Age Again?” So like Peter Banning, you can imagine why I find it challenging to think happy thoughts. Let alone write any. There’s my “Dad,” the day job, and destruction. If anything I can write about desire and of course that centers on my dick (Language?). I read Dennis Hof’s book. I also look into novels of women being “dugout.” Well, not today because I was out cold. Don’t I usually write about my day? Only again the day job is nothing I want to remember. There is also a box of melted ice cream; some fucked up nonfiction (STOP}. Sigh the end of an era with the closing of one of my favorite restaurants.

I remember what Jessica Rabbit would say about her being “drawn.” Now could you only fathom her creator’s thoughts? If you want my own, you need only look up a Songbird’s Shame by Studio F.O.W. I’m not a bad writer. I don’t know how I got here. Only the story Lady Sophia the show goes on Willing A Bad Story.

Songbird’s Shame

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 300 ~Last Left My Willie~

There is a reason I’ll never give up “Adult Entertainment” I do want to make it my life’s work anymore from Hugh Hefner, to Larry Flynt, Dennis Hof, to a dubious photographer; books are only the beginning when I finish my latest. Last Left My Willie.

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Episode 300 ~Last Left My Willie~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now, so finishing this last chapter should be no big thing though. I remember Dr. Strange, and how many endings he saw and I have to pick out the one that results in my victory? Once again, My Lady, it’s been my turn to win but if you don’t want any spoilers?

No, I’m not talking about Avengers: Endgame though plenty of people are ruining that for others as is. It’s so unfair but what about my unnamed novel. For once Lady Lu I hope that no one is reading this and I’m looking forward to having a break myself. I also know that this is more Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse, but this is a job that must get done. Besides sleeping what else has gotten done this Saturday? You know if I applied myself, go all balls to the wall with it I could finish right now. So how does it end; right now, an explosion and the two leads take on their roles in completed novels. Albeit both will have a touch of amnesia to show for it without any doubt.

Now’s not the time to be slacking off though and after two thousand words this morning? No not an excuse only the truth about my fiction and that’s procrastination and a fight not to FAP. What, I need plenty of models for the finale. Again something I should be discussing with Inspector Echo. I’m still clean despite shelling out for BrainBuddy. How many exercises have I missed working on ending my story? Not that I hate it by any means, for I have prevailed. To be fair though I have a major case of blue balls looking for girls to have in the final orgy. Only if you must insist:

Dillion Harper “Track Star” Liz Vicious Maisie Williams
Rihanna Samuel “Maid” Mia Rose Sophie Turner
Okay Ruby Rae Alycia Debnam-Carey
MILF Dos Alice Little Eileen Kelly
Little Lupe Abbey Rain Elizabeth Rage

Katy Perry Blondelil19yo Cassandra
Angie Varona Lexi Ainsworth Sophitia
Sofia Kasuli Back Alley Hooker Airi Akitsuki
Amber Hahn Sabrina Nichole Dolly Little
Carrie Cummings Court Carmody Hazel Ricotta

No insult or order The End, Last Left My Willie

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 159 ~When’s Your Holiday Will~

If I could take back everything I’ve said to women, that includes my first cry because I’ve been offending them ever since, how about when Santa lost his way here, and if I ever wake up rested and happy, shocker? “When’s Your Holiday Will?”

Friday, December 7, 2018

Episode 159 ~When’s Your Holiday Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t live in infamy, it doesn’t help you win wars, (Japan), money and women are questionable (Marquis de Sade), and even if you’re proven right, “what’s next” is far stranger than “The End” right (Joseph Seed)? So am I saying become President, what was that about infamy, how about becoming a pornstar, working for FOX News, or even *gasp* a writer, you can always make money off some holiday spirit right?

Infamy, a day that will live as such, how many of the brave died this day so many years ago; I know you’re asking why do I even bring up something like Pearl Harbor, it’s not like I’m doing anyone a service but one more reason I’m a writer, I don’t want to forget. I’m not a great man, a good one, hell sometimes I judge if I’m even alright, especially when it comes to writing but for this moment in time, hell anytime I find myself sitting here, talking to you, any of the girls, the man in the mirror, writing a novel or poem I’m free. Isn’t that worth celebrating, every day I make a choice but here’s the thing and I’ve said this before, things we don’t learn from history we’re doomed to repeat; is that why I’m always writing about the end, something like Kylo Ren:

“The Empire, your parents, the Resistance, the Sith, the Jedi… let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” The Last Jedi

You know I don’t celebrate holidays… my “birthday” in itself made me someone I didn’t want to be; alive, talk about a day I would erase, and then there are the days I can’t, the 5th of November, July 2nd, whenever the Harmonic War began. Seems almost tradition that the worse days of my life always revolve around a girl, even now my work schedule is done by one, I have several women who text me (not that I’m mad about that). I can’t remember when I did my first novel which wasn’t for NaNoWriMo; when’s the last time I got a full night’s sleep, and again with the women when was my last one or first one, long time.

When you can’t remember the day you lost happiness, would you recognize it, hell I remember the last time I had ah, a “release” and every day I resist is a victory not that I can celebrate this week, already failed #1. Even talking to Dear Future Wife my thoughts focus more on the present than the future but you want to know when I’ll party; September 1st when I have my first million, and hopefully I won’t be lying here on December 7th asking again, When’s Your Holiday Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 033 ~End Justifies The Will~

Don’t do it, even when you see The End on the horizon; when you wake up at four in the morning and can’t touch the keys till 4:50, when I am a writer makes you feel for once in your life that you are somebody, don’t do it. End Justifies The Will

Friday, August 3, 2018

Episode 033 ~End Justifies The Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to feel bad, I know sometimes I can’t even stand myself, I can’t put it in a text, make excuses, god help me if I try to write it honestly somewhat, and only Spider-Man can get away with “I don’t feel so good.” When did the word “bad” become one of the hardest to put down in the English language, it’s damn near forbidden to feel it, so no wonder writing it takes a great amount of strength of “Will” as it were.

Being a writer, two words that have lost all meaning are “The End” when they should be two of the most rewarding, but everything is usually “To Be Continued” as the world continues to expand, evolve, and emote. Alliteration is another big word that I tend to do plenty and is usually frowned upon but it’s not the worst thing is it, like I always say, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. Would that include “Editing” which is like the aftermath of marrying the princess, you know they talk about happily ever after but I’m not that type of writer or a writer at all… Charles Bukowski.

I wrote a rule a few days ago “The Truest Sentence, An Excuse” because those come bursting out of me, I spent twenty minutes, maybe more, just trying to come up with the proper chapter title and then I asked myself do I still have the will to do this? There is the line in Tupac’s Ghetto Gospel where he says he goes blind and lets the lord do his thing and I’m still not religious mind you, but I wish I could blame somebody else, anyone else. If anything that is the point I want to make today, that I could blame somebody else for not wanting to write or for doing it but despite everything, there’s only me, and I feel bad because I’m not good enough truthfully.

“If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes, I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” Ghetto Gospel, (Tupac, Elton)

I’m the one that woke up late and still spent two hours wanting to talk to you, the one that feels horrible about not posting a book review and yet excited to write a movie review and still too lazy to do it. With everything and according to Rule 158 “I’m Will, There’s A Way maybe that’s why imagining an end is so hard, a starving artist must stay as such which explains my not going to the store and only wanting to write more because and no disrespect to women ha but writing means bleeding, End Justifies The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 019 ~No End Of Kindling~

I Made It, added more fuel to the fire, one more book down and even an additional chapter and the feeling I have now… it doesn’t compare to the humiliation I’ll endure tomorrow. Honestly, I would rather have people read my novel. “No End Of Kindling”

Friday, July 20, 2018

Episode 019 ~No End Of Kindling~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to take a break, two words “The End,” that I was looking forward to today and I’ll get there or even worse “To Be Continued” either way it goes, it’s going to take more than 925 words, but as the song says there ain’t no rest for the wicked. I haven’t even gotten close to selecting a new book to read because mine is turning out to be so… that’s the thing I want to say no words, but there are too many.

Not now, nor have I ever been one for the burning of books, well except for mine, again it goes into my whole, hurting myself before I hurt others mentality, you too Lady Sophia, the reason I’m talking to you so early. It’s not procrastination; it’s the fact that the last words of my book should happen when I’m up and about, not lying in bed, people deserve me at my best… did you hear me right? Something that shall never see the light of day which is why I spend eight to ten hours locked up in the library, talk about something I love and then the only thing I want to do with my novel is set it alight to keep myself warm, beats the day job always.

Tomorrow I expect I’ll be writing about my humiliations rather than writing something that is humiliating, one more reason I have to bury myself in fiction because the truth hurts plenty and nobody wants to know about that. One more novel that took me a year to write and here we are Lady Sophia, about three weeks into this year and like any one of my fictional books is this looking any better, but for now, there are plenty of words left with no sign of The End. A good story brings its writer back to life or more to the point, makes a writer immortal and with the love of readers warms for many a black night, I believe.

When it comes to my work though; I know I shouldn’t be so negative, if it gives me money to burn, and that will be over all too soon but my novel or novels, how did I not know I was writing a series, and the ideas keep on coming to be honest. So when people are lighting those torches, looking for things to throw onto my pyre, at the end of the day, not that of the story, they’ll be No End of Kindling.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 293 ~Words Without End Amen~

If God and whoever else wrote all they needed and said it why are they still talking our ears off; I’ve nearly finished fifty thousand words, and I know the ending is going to rush; what about a sequel… hah? Words Without End Amen

Friday, April 20, 2018

Lesson 293 ~Words Without End Amen~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today but could I be let’s say three days from now, no promises but less than ten thousand words to go; I’m making better time that I did on November’s NaNoWriMo. On the one hand, I can’t wait to finish with all of this, and on the other, I suppose I need a new depression on how I’m wasting my life these days and probably killing off some fictional characters to be sure.

That’s how I was in November; I finished my novel that to this day doesn’t have a proper title, and then there was just blah, no relief though I slept more, no celebration, and I even had to buy my victory shirt. These books aren’t supposed to be about paychecks and just like when I was in math class writing problem after problem, I “Don’t Panic” when these novels don’t hold the answers I seek. In fact, strangely my erotica has kept me out of trouble, keeping my computer on my lap and my hands out of my pants, just one more reason I’m going to miss novel writing truthfully.

Of course, I don’t have to stop, I’ve been thinking about starting off with a book of poetry, getting something published which leads me back to the math of it all, either the expense of all, the waiting, how about my laziness after such an undertaking as that? It could be the idea that I like to think that I have some wisp of a chance, hope can be as infectious as any other word that I write and like love is one I don’t understand. The only thing I’m sure of is that when it comes to talking or writing I’d preferably write, it’s just like talking to myself except my “father” won’t walk in at the wrong time.

Now I also sometimes mistakenly believe that I have so much to say and then I end up struggling, and it’s never for the right word, I will take anything, but no matter how stupid the world gets, my words will neither be accepted nor understood. No, I might be giving myself way too much credit as though I am some would-be mastermind and Indiana Gone makes it sound like everything will be okay “When I Paint My Masterpiece”… write.

If there was any god to pray to at this moment, I only want more words fifty thousand and beyond, yes Words Without End Amen.

I Will Have No Fear