Log 364 ~A Definition Of Hell, Repetition~

As the song goes, Every day is exactly the same, and if it works for the damned, denounced, and the dead, who am I to disagree? It’s life, it’s the Day Job, the disease, the dystopia which is plenty more fun in books. A Definition Of Hell, Repetition

Monday, June 29, 2020

Log 364 ~A Definition Of Hell, Repetition~

Hundred And Forty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but can one ever get bored with money? I see dollars, like I see “Dirty Pillows,” as I see dreams. Before I woke up this afternoon, it was my grandmother holding Baby Yoda or a Gremlin. Anyway, let me ask this question, where am I right now? Where was I Sunday morning, Saturday, how about tomorrow? You ask me why I am complaining while having a roof over my head and a bed. At least I woke up on time this afternoon. Today it was Final Fantasy VII Porn and Sex Dolls, yesterday it was more lunch.

Do you get why I say “Another Day” at the Day Job? If anything, that’s a compliment. Every time I walk in, well, congratulations, that’s the worst day of my life. I should finish reading “Too Late” and get back into my motivations. Another Day is me hoping for better. The world isn’t helping, though. I wish I could say something profound and inspirational, but what do we have. Racism at all corners, one more reason to stay inside. Can’t forget about Coronavirus (COVID-19) like other people. The President is in trouble as always. Now that brings me back to porn. The more I attempt to avoid it, the more it finds me, and yeah, at this point, I’m still on day one. I swear I’m going insane, but if I can get past the week. Yeah, I’m laughing too.

I should be thinking about getting past the month with Camp NaNoWriMo. So what will I be writing about for my next novel, can you guess? Brothels, Blood, and the Brotherhood or Fatherhood of a man and his Snoopy. Should I be thinking about the next woman, I’m going to piss off. One more week, and I still haven’t heard from MILF Dos or Cherry. How about if I finally get the courage to call Supercuts before the country goes back into lockdown. What about my boss who hasn’t said anything, so as the song goes, Why Should I Worry? Tonight though, will be more of the same, will it not? A TV Dinner and maybe a Hot Pocket? I’ll watch Snowpiercer because today is still Sunday, so I’m back to time travel. In the end, though, It Doesn’t Matter.

I’m running but not getting nowhere because of this rut? Nearly one more year down. A Definition Of Hell, Repetition

I Will Have No Fear

Log 350 ~You Can’t Hide Truth Forever~

I should have known better. If the Day Job isn’t destroying my life every second, I walk in the place… George Floyd died over twenty bucks, and how dare I? The truth of a black man being threatening but my problems. You Can’t Hide Truth Forever.

Monday, June 15, 2020

Log 350 ~You Can’t Hide Truth Forever~

Hundred And Forty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have a stomachache, but both result in the same thing. Madam Justice, I am one sick individual. I’m also a man full of many contradictions. As Romeo put it, sad hours seem long, and at the same time, here I am, time-traveling and for what?

It’s still Sunday, but I’m trying to outrun my tears. Hell, if I didn’t freak MILF Dos out before um, I am now. It’s like noticing I screwed up today’s rule, “You Can’t Hide The Truth Forever” (six words instead of five). Anyway I know you’re not Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. Why do I need to give a confession or an indulgence of my sin? Five stages of grief? As always, I am not a Christian. I quote songs often like Behead The Kings, but I know my Bible, Justice.

“I’m a man of god but I don’t need a savior”

“so don’t be brave, have a little common sense” Behead the Kings by Outerspace

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

So I will speak my sins, these truths, and who knows, by the time I reach MILF Dos, I may understand what I did wrong.

The D: Now, if anything, I should say the F as I failed plenty because of her. A brunette I met in high school and wrote a lot about in college. That is until I almost ended up in Cell Block D. I was listening to my D. Two Dads, hers and mine almost killed me for my writing. I dropped out of school because I no longer had the dollars. Last I checked The D’s a happily married mom, with some little monsters too.

Sweetness: a young Latina on Youtube. People a long time ago, know I was smitten with her, obsessed. I made videos about her, a blog, hell half of my poetry collection. She put me down easy, though, and I discovered how quickly and effortless it was to destroy my work. Can you say, STALKER Much?

The Harmonic War: I swear this is my greatest shame. I’m sure she would tell you all about it, but I couldn’t even read it myself. I lost a ton of friends for that. To this very day, though, I know TTB and Teen Starlet. I have been led to Russia, and I pay $20.00 a month for Vault Girls.

All That Jazz: She’s a step above The Harmonic War and Sweetness. I won’t tell you where I met her, but all you need to know is I didn’t have the stones to ask her out properly. I gave her a note and put one on her car. Higher powers got involved, and I nearly lost everything. I’ve seen pretty girls in the same place. I’ll never again risk it.

Basic Bitch: I’m angry at her now, but still, it was all my fault. She was another brunette and a divorced one at that. Commenting on her blog, I learned I talked too much. I won’t even go there now. She gave me one of my most “useful” words… SKEEVY. Okay, did take my side.

Rainbow Girl: A lesson from the Basic Bitch. God, I hate sounding like Trump, but “Be Nice.” I tried Madam Justice honest. I named her Rainbow Girl on account of her hair, and after one of my favorite book characters from the Fever Series. One night she brought up butterflies, and I sent Butterfree from Pokémon. She quoted the song “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored,” and I came back with Crazy Town’s Butterfly. I asked her out twice before this (through text). You know what happened next, BLOCKED.

Okay: A young brunette, all of them have been brunettes or dark hair. (I don’t recall The Harmonic War, but I wasn’t trying anything with her). She was my maid once but more, a good friend. As Positive K put it, “What’s your man got to do with me?” Okay, she’s technically MILF Uno. One day she was supposed to come by and said she couldn’t, and we haven’t talked since. I wasn’t blocked by her. Still, there’s no reason to bother. She’s getting married too and is quite happy.

Cherry: A twenty-three-year-old vixen from across the pond. If we talked about women I had to lie to, she was one I was honest with. Yeah, I wanted to see her naked, and we spoke every day. It’s been about a month since I sent her pieces of my novel. I wrote about her and her mom and, of course, haven’t heard anything back. She likes a post every once and a while, but we don’t speak these days anymore.

MILF Dos: Again, I’m not sure about The Harmonic War, but MILF Dos is the oldest on this list. We met through TIBU and have many mutual connections. About a year ago when she needed money I offered her a deal which worked quite well… yabbos. She went into modeling then stopped. MILF Dos wanted more money, and I was so scared to ask, but I took the leap. We came to an arrangement, and I was over the moon. Now she gave me back my cash because she wanted to deliver first, so no worries. Until Saturday, June 13, I’m lying here in bed, hand in my pants, looking over messages she sent and bam, BLOCKED. Thus my spiral.

Now, what did I do wrong, hmm? I checked in on her earlier in the day with a message. She posted something about being out of work. I responded about my anxiety and being out of work this week myself. I don’t understand, but the moment I realized I went back and commented where I knew she would see it. I was begging her and apologizing, for I don’t know what. The thing is, what do all these women have in common, well besides being unfortunate in ever meeting me.

Of nine again, eight of them were brunettes. Two of them were minorities, All That Jazz was Mixed, and Sweetness was yes a Latina. Only one isn’t American, and that’s Cherry being a Brit. Seven were teens to twenties. Sweetness being the youngest seventeen… Five I have met face to face, the other four all online. Four have blocked me outright. Sweetness is gone, The D I’ve never sent a request. Okay, and Cherry are friends everywhere, and The Harmonic War is on Instagram still. I know you’re telling me right now, Madam Justice, that I’ve lost the mission. What about the rule? I’m telling the truth, I’m not hiding it, I remember. Only I can’t for the life of me put my finger on what I did wrong Saturday.

A part of me doesn’t want to know because chances are I’ll hate myself even more than I do right now. Does Milf Dos think I’m a stalker? Did some secret get out, and then the question becomes which? I could have said something, but what did I do all that night? There’s always the idea that I did nothing but be myself. Yeah, I’m disgusting. Do I need more reasons to consider posting this everywhere? Yeah, letting everyone else decide? I CAN’T BE ME. You Can’t Hide Truth Forever.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 011 ~How Lust Last Forever~

How old is Barbie, Galatea, or the Mona Lisa, I suppose I could look them up, and if I asked about Stormy Daniels career, I would only be some guy that likes porn, and you wouldn’t ask about the beautiful woman. How Lust Lasts Forever?

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Episode 011 ~How Lust Last Forever~


Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to write about her other than she’s hot, I’ll wait… yeah no one can sit forever, but these words should they ever know a publisher; I don’t want everyone to know how “freaky-deaky” I am, what turns me on as if that’s a secret one can hope. Novel talk might be more of a conversation for Lady Sophia but seeing as how I’ve getting inspired by two porn stars “Stormy Daniels” and “Bryci,” a Cosplayer “Angie Griffin” not to mention an ex-love interest here and there truthfully.

Of course, names are changed and let me say that the library has worked out for me, forces me to keep my hands on my keyboard, and I don’t want to look up porn, I know I have plenty saved up. I also haven’t bothered with being polite like with a love letter, a road I’m Never Going Back Again, because it’s creepy when you know the author, back when I wrote for other people, guys ended up fucking some beautiful girl. Men write songs, produce films like “500 Days of Summer” one of the greatest lessons I ever learned when it comes to writing.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.”

“That guy had a lot more sex than me.” ― 500 Days of Summer (2009)

One more reason I’m a dominant, I want to make an impression, that I can’t only be some standard dick to ride, that I want a woman to remember, as the song goes “guess it’s true, I’m not good at a one-night stand.” I want a woman to Stay With Me; in a way, they all do to be sure. I can fuck a woman until she can’t walk for a bit. Until she’s speaking so many lies over the phone so she can Stay, and of course scarves and her lingerie are fun to be sure. So when I finally find my forever will I quit writing, of course not, I’m even thinking of ways to incorporate sex with Camp NaNoWriMo other than erotica, if I find YouTube distracting or a blowjob while driving what about while writing novels?

I still remember when getting my porn fix meant praying for HBO, Showtime, Cinemax to show some soft-core or stealing my father’s pornos, and when I first discovered Hentai, now those were some fun times. I have never forgotten that I’m a guy that likes boobs and that girls what, That’s What I Like, breasts, eyes, thighs, though I have my preferences as always though not set in stone but honestly How Lust Lasts Forever?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

How much time you got or should I just say I’m afraid of the whole world… thankfully that would be a lie but the truth is I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I Will Have No Fear, sooner or later but it’s been more than 66 Days

Monday, October 9, 2017

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

First Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear but honestly You know I could go on for forever and a day when it comes to fear, a toss-up between the things that scare me and the things I wish I could believe. So what does this rule mean to me, no real deeper meaning being my first rule, simple and direct?

“Please explain to me just once, why.
Because I’m afraid!

You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid?
If he did,
he figured out some way to beat it.

Yeah, well, there’s a word for that:
Courage” Green Lantern (2011)

Fear Justice, is a disease, it’s a freaking plague, like a zombie virus, it keeps you moving, keeps you seeking something and in the end what do you do with it? I don’t want to be like my father and that in itself is fear but how does he cover up his fear, anger, hate, do I really need to quote Yoda here. Like most things in my life, I believe if I ever find the root cause of it maybe I can find a way to overcome it but that’s not possible is it?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Master Yoda, Star Wars Franchise

Anxiety Justice, “Indiana Gone” wonders how I sleep so well, nightmares usually aren’t a concern, it’s real life so maybe I should list ten things that scared me just today:

01. Leaving Braxton by himself
02. Going to work
03. Getting the door for coworkers
04. Being overwhelmed at work
05. Multiple meetings (huddle)
06. Being called out by coworkers
07. Walking Braxton
08. Kneeling to check if the ground was cool enough for Braxton (Neighbors have a Flag)
09. Anything happening to Braxton, itchy, toenail stuck in collar ring, etc.
10. Work tomorrow and company after
“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!” Fight Club (1999)

This is why I constantly quote this rule Justice if anything I should have gone fight club with it and quoted it twice but that will be for next week. Speaking of which I read somewhere that it takes 66 days for something to become a habit and here I am with one hundred lessons, oh right and writing scares me to which is why I’m so late with this, wondering if I’m making any sense at all.

I’m scared that I’m losing my mind, splitting all these ideas up in my mind you know but since this is in relation to the first rule, I’m scared of what people will think of me. How about being scared that no one is thinking of me at all, and in both of those scenarios what will I do then.

There is nothing to learn this is something I know, I Will Have No Fear

“Thou Art Courageous” Spoken to Link, The Legend of Zelda

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember.” Morpheus, The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

I Will Have No Fear