Log 331 ~The Writes Of Will~

I keep telling myself that writing is going to save me. One of my books, perhaps? Maybe someone will finally discover my blog and not think of me as a psychopath. For now, it’s a note by the time clock. The Writes Of Will

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Log 331 ~The Writes Of Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and lie or not, I don’t want to be right now; lying. I mean, I don’t want to be jealous, flushed with cash, or sick. If you’re wishing for a goodnight’s sleep Inspector Echo, don’t check your Day Job before bed. I swear my “best” writing never happens at night. Now I know this is Lady Sophia’s calling. Only in a month or so, I’ll be celebrating my return to writing aka Lesson 001 ~Look Who Grossed Up~. I haven’t thought about that “Basic Bitch” in forever but as Herger the Joyous in The 13th Warrior:

“It’s all right, little brother… there are more!” ― Herger the Joyous, The 13th Warrior

More women… you have no idea how difficult it was not to use another “W.” Indeed, more words, more wickedness. So why didn’t I, you ask. Well, I know my Bible, Miss. I’m a man of God without a savior, as a particular song alluded to. I still pray for my son every day. Speaking of words that remind me, revile me or give me regrets, what is it about a “concept” like DAY? I knew a girl named “Day.” How I still love Rainey Summer Day, from The Five by Lily White. Only it’s like my addiction asks, “what will we do today?” After Class Lesson, Anna Vlasova/Alissa, and Eileen Kelly, aka Dawn Lora McKay in The Eve of a Cherry. Oh yeah, what about my novel? Am I ashamed that I use girls I know in my writing? Upset, I killed off, “Dawnie?” That Cherry inspired it, and I haven’t spoken to her?

“For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.” Psalm 84:10, the Bible

All I write about, I lose. The Law of Attraction being what it is, I should watch my tongue. Hell, I should watch my time considering the Day Job. One more piece of writing I have to do. Home and Kids, Shoes, my schedule, I only have two write one word. NO, or as the song goes, Hell Naw! Isn’t that what I always say when it comes to writing book reviews? I’ve only realized now I said I love Rainey and the book in general. What about Raphael and Succubus Lord? I am ashamed of the things that I’m not writing today. Inspector Echo, I am SORRY that I ruined my night. Forgive me for now hating the Basic Bitch. I apologize for my views on women and not doing better for my son.

Defending The Writes Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 329 ~Words Destroy More Than Bombs~

I’m always so concerned with zombies that I barely notice the Coronavirus (COVID-19). I should do better, but it’s the words of everyone around me minus the lady talking about my dog that destroy me. Words Destroy More Than Bombs.

Monday, May 25, 2020

Log 329 ~Words Destroy More Than Bombs~

Hundred And Thirty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it’s because of this rule. Funny, I don’t quote it more often, but that’s because I’m still focused on Rule One. I Will Have No Fear. For the record, I should add FEAR to my most hated words. Also, while I’m on the subject of lists, this would be in my top five reasons to be a writer. Rule Thirteen states, Power Is All That Matters. I still believe this, and Rules 19 and 84 say respectively, “LOVE Is A Great Power,” and “There’s Power In The Dollar.” In words, though, Madam Justice lies the greatest.

Last week and the start of this one SIGH, I notice how I silenced Cherry. Not only in my novel’s pages but indeed everyday life. I didn’t even need to use a ball gag, dammit. It seems my blessing and my curse. Hell, who knows I could be wrong all around as per my usual. I eat up the time talking to you and the other girls. When have I worked on either of my stories again? The only thing I write more is a litany of excuses, and yes, I’m back to blaming the Day Job. My recent humiliations stem from three words, “Home and Kids.” Now, if I wanted to kill myself, I would go right back to bed. I would let the disease, which is my words fester and finish. It’s like out of Pontypool. Did I ever tell you I’m a fan of chemical and biological warfare? Must be Greed, but anyway, words are a disease.

So is there a vaccine, what’s the cure? You inoculate with others Madam Justice. How many times have I brought up Succubus Lord by Eric Vall? I read his and other Harem Romances. Oh, to enjoy the title Sex Zombies. To read “Lolita” to even say the word, I listen to “Taboo” Fetishes with Alice. Again I think of my works. If my characters have a voice and can speak the things I can’t. The ability to create a world, a history of my design. I can build A Whole New World to hide in or better, I could become Godlike; my such grand designs. If only I said NO to Home and Kids, NO to my STUPIDITY, just NO.

Peace and Quiet. Forgive me Madam Justice but Fucking SILENCE, Words Destroy More Than Bombs.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

No means no without question, but in this day and age, people are neglecting the issue, some are truly bad, some are cowards, and as for myself well chains and whips excite me as the song goes. “No,” Your Safeword Please for all our sakes maybe.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, that would be a no right, no means no, just many of the ways I respect women, though the last time a woman stopped me… yeah, I was trying to get her bra off, a scary prospect even for an experienced dominant. Horror, fear, terror, I’ve told you before we’ll have the “Ravishment” conversation, hopefully, before Lesson 365, we’re getting closer and speaking of getting close, why should I be afraid?

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!”

“When women start to scream,
it could be misconstrued.”

“Just keep going!” ― Friends With Benefits (2011)

Social Anxiety is one thing but once I have a girl on my couch or in bed that brings about several new types of fear and unlike social anxiety I happen to like this fear, this adrenaline rush. Scared of talking to a girl I maybe but I’ve never been scared of a girl physically, and I have one that would rip my clothes off if she had a chance and another would slap me if I kissed her. Power means responsibility, desire, fear, I’m sure there is a rule in there maybe, but I would never say no to such things Dirty Diana and who does anyway when it comes to those things maybe.

“Them girls only know three words:
stop, no and don’t.” Silas

“Uh-oh, my brother.
You got those words backward.
They always tell me,
No, don’t stop!” Jamal, How High (2001)

Sometimes I’m afraid of the beast that I will unleash like something out of The Purge “Release The Beast” I’m not crazy or anything… says the man with a bunch of outfits in the closet but sometimes I want to fuck a princess, others a schoolgirl, and then again Alice In Wonderland. How it terrifies me that I might not have everything I want but when have I ever been left unsatisfied, I’m not that complicated, controlling maybe, emotional, passionate but I would never allow a girl to go wanting, and I don’t want to find myself as such. Most men would never admit to being bad lovers, as for myself; I guess you would have to ask a girl, but if I had the courage I have in the bedroom in my everyday life, I might never know fear.

I know “No” though, and I told you about wrestling with a girl once, and she stopped me, and other things but I’ve never forced myself on anyone and I never would. Only I see these men do horrific things and I get labeled as such for what, a brand of love. Green, Yellow, Red, are a bit too normal, I guess I like creative women, but anything surely beats *sigh* “No,” Your Safeword Please.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

A whole week off and all I could do was think about is my history with a job and my future, how do you know where you’re going, when you don’t know where you’ve been and why couldn’t I just enjoy being. “Making Some Black History,” I should have

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because I’m black and no I’m not talking my race, but at this moment I have a job, I have my words, and my bank account isn’t empty. The thing is with all that; I am looking more forward to the ides of March. Most days I want to survive the night now I must endure the month but what about tonight?

First night back at work in I don’t know how long and this will merely be a prelim to the rest of the month I have to get through, and we’ve been done this road before. As much as I want to believe that everything is going to be okay isn’t it ironic that words got me in trouble with a young woman and silence got me in a predicament with that bastard who’s my boss? Makes a person not want to exist but now I’m not going down the suicidal road again, that’s perhaps why I’m so screwed up sadly like everything else I do it’s always for other people but not myself ever.

“A true suicide is a paced, disciplined certainty. People pontificate suicide is a coward’s act. Couldn’t be further from the truth. Suicide takes tremendous courage.” ― Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas

Why should I make their job easier I ask you by maintaining the status quo, my dear Lady Lu am I becoming political and did I mention that I’m fighting another black man and for once not the man in the mirror? I asked Lady Sophia the other day when will I start doing for me and not for others, even now another author wants a review, and he along with one more wants me to be part of their review teams, and I told them no. At the same time though I want to remain a slave, hell I fight for the chains and wear them as hastily as my name badge and lanyard because as much as I speak to the contrary, I am afraid all the time.

You know I learned something today, history is not written by the victors or by the survivors, history is yours the moment you are no longer afraid, and if I were to begin to write that history you know what word I would start with honestly? “No,” and maybe that’s disappointing but what has yes gotten me and I’m sure I’ve said the exact opposite of saying yes to everything but until people understand no they can’t appreciate yes. No, I will not die today, no I will stay in the black, and “KNOW” I will Make Some Black History.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 033 ~Courage to Say No~

From the man who was once the yes man and will probably be again in a different light but today is all about knowing no. “Courage to Say No”, I need the courage to say anything really but let’s start small

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Lesson 033 ~Courage to Say No~

Hey Lady Lu,
No fear, I’m going to constantly be reminding me myself and it’s a good beginning for our lesson because while the overall goal is to become fearless, no is the word I’m having trouble with today. Reminds me of something out of the Planet of the Apes series, and isn’t that all of us, just a bunch of apes with our hair standing on end at the sound of that word… no.

“Teacher only reverted to type under provocation. He… he spoke like a slavemaster in the old days of our servitude when we were conditioned to mechanical obedience. He, uh, he uttered a negative, uh, imperative.

Could you put that into words which even Caesar could understand?

Uh, he said, “No, Aldo, no!”” Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)

It starts when we’re young, people fight like Hell to get us into the world, pro-life, a yes and then the rest of our lives we’re told no and we only continue the cycle. Then with the same breath, we’re frightened of those words, only those in power say no and those without say yes and that dictates who we are. So how do I explain heroes then, to a villain it’s always yes to themselves and no to others but then the hero must always say yes, even at the cost of all that they could ever hope honestly.

“This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “Save us!”… and I’ll whisper “no.”” Rorschach, Watchmen

When your equal asks you say yes; when someone better ask the answer is yes when you consider someone beneath you the answer is always no or you seek to benefit some way. The only thing worse than no is maybe and even lower is a maybe that turns into a yes out of fear of no. Simply put if you’re afraid of saying no, that shouldn’t qualify into a yes, no means no, yes means yes, and often times maybe means no…okay, not simple.

I’m afraid of no, always admit the problem, I’m afraid of no, and I hate yes most days, and the world makes it so, honestly I wish I could say it was all in my head. When you see it put into practice how can you not be afraid, I mean most fears are in our own minds, but with experience, you must fear it.

Take for example work today or lack thereof, when I first started working I never said no, the answer must always be yes because the moment I said no, what would that make me, a bad employee? I learned to start saying no though and then my fears became actualized, my weekly hours were cut, my tasks became worse, for a person that had always said yes in the past, the calls stopped altogether and even when I said yes on occasion at work it wasn’t until I became a yes man that things returned to normal, so I caved.

You want to know why I feel like such a monster when it comes to women because the monster wants the pretty girl and when I wanted someone, that pretty girl’s life became hell from all those around her. She said no because of what a yes would do to her, what about the things I’m into, we have proof that some women would be into my type of kink as long as it isn’t me, my words have won women as long as they know it wasn’t me. I have read Roosh V and he talks about imagining the worst case and you know things can’t be that, take a walk with me sometime.

We say no to those we love the most, I mean an enemy is more inclined to get a yes and why, again we seek to benefit, but I tell my dog no, I tell my “real” friends no, but with my family it’s always yes and that’s because I fear them. No is not just some concept it’s an action with true consequences, take a victim of sexual assault, how many say no it didn’t because of what lies on the other side of fear which is yes only to experience a lifetime of no. A maybe or a yes born out of fear of no and yet I seek the courage to say no, even with you Lu.

I can’t say no to you and do you know why, it’s because I’m waiting for a yes, I fear the moment I give you a no is the moment I miss yes, that makes me a bad man doesn’t it, like pawing away at “Okay” again. Which do I fear more though, no or yes, from now on its one way or the other and you can’t always sit on maybe, I must choose.

How about what I have been thinking about all this morning, well at least two hours maybe, that job of mine called and asked me to come in today and I said NO. Would a yes have been preferable, I have to start thinking about doing things that scare me, I must break my fear.

“Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

Telling them no even with experience, even with a full understanding of the consequences, even with how the moment it was done made me want to pick up the phone and say yes took courage. It’s not like I died for anyone… everyday life, you work somewhere you hate and you sell an hour of your life for a certain amount of money, don’t mistake stupidity for courage. No means I’m being selfish doesn’t it or setting myself up to fail at some point but at the end, I don’t want to succeed there even, I endure to get to where I want to be.

What if I said yes, I would have been caving to one fear but I would get to face several others and I want to be stronger, and people, of course, are one of my worst fears, the dragon known as anxiety. How about missing my yes there, find your yes, how long have I been working there, company taglines and all, but what I want is on the other side of fear which means I make money to buy things I want and need, facing people would mean more money and thus I would be rewarded. So scared to say no but didn’t someone say that in order to face your fear the answer must always be yes, I guess it’s a situational thing.

Anyway today I made the choice and that choice was to say no, so no worries… okay dammit, I’m still thinking about “Ms. Seasons” flying away… how about the courage to let go of my hate, to no longer fear it. What have I learned today, yet another thing is not the end of the world and that thing is no, Courage to Say No.

I Will Have No Fear