Chronicle 116 ~A Gods Weakness Is No~

I’m nobody, and yet they say God will come for me. He cares enough, but I get sent to Hell for refusing to Kowtow if I say no. I take my own licks, and I’ve been there and done that, going on 267 Days. Who knew I was so strong… A Gods Weakness Is No.

Monday, October 25, 2021

Chronicle 116 ~A Gods Weakness Is No~

Two-Hundred And Eleventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have everything I want. My grandma said that I had too much pride…

When I look in the mirror, I know that ain’t true at all. How about the fact that I’m sitting here in blankets on a Friday afternoon? I will be again Monday after working my crappy Day Job. And knowing all this, I will not fall to my knees and ask for God’s help now? Madam, as if this story needs retelling, I haven’t called on God since Braxton’s passing. Don’t I mean murder? The fact is I’m not asking after God for anything to do with me. It’s not pride, ok. Um, Madam, the things that impress me in this life. Yup, called Yabbos. To paraphrase a song AHEM, “I got ninety-nine wants but a God ain’t one,” ha.

M Anime wouldn’t want me saying that. I’ve been thinking about the things I shouldn’t speak. More like the stuff I shouldn’t do. Do you think the loss of my son was God’s Wrath? 267 days and I haven’t blamed him, her, it, whatever. It feels so damn good, J. Today thoughts turn to the fucking ASM. Whether he was blessed or cursed, he’s gone. So I say “whatever,” as much as I damn well please, and I’m sure I got fries back here too. Here’s hoping I’m also keeping my dick in my pants after today. I mentioned Yabbos. Madam, as pathetic as I am as a human being, I’m not calling on God. Hell, most days, I drift back and forth. Atheism, Agnosticism

Like in “The Road,” to some, Braxton was an angel; to me, he was/is a God. I told him no plenty, but from the first day, I saw him. Yes was my only answer. Now for the record, I did have somewhat of a “Religious Reawakening,” a “Second Renaissance.” Hellish!!! Now, of course, I mean high school. If God could have got me out of that one, I’d be his. What is it they say, God helps those who help themselves? Only I’m still sitting here, aren’t I? Again a soft dick, compliments of such and such’s Yabbos. I need to answer nature’s call. And all I want to do is sleep. Could God help me out? Nope, but Braxton… Such is my greatest sin. A Gods Weakness Is No

“I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave.” ― Jareth from Labyrinth (1986)

267 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 114 ~No, Not The B’s~

The bed’s not a mess, but then again, I might have to make it to see a difference. As if anything makes a difference when one political supports the Nazis. The years before, when I had a girl of the week, Anya, Panam, Jen. B’s still gone. No, Not The B’s

Saturday, October 23, 2021

Chronicle 114 ~No, Not The B’s~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, meaning I’d buy a safe place for animals not lucky like B. Blue Pills and Bullets.

The places my mind goes. Last night I didn’t dream about Braxton. But the dream I did have. Now Lu, like everything else in my life, it’s second-rate, second-best, and didn’t allow a second round. Let’s say I should call a physician as it lasted over four hours. Lady Lu, living in a would-be tyranny thanks to the Republican Party. That’s not to say I like the Democrats either. Um, M Anime is all for Anarchy but in a peaceful sort of way. Anyway, so my dream was of Wolfenstein, well, Anya Oliwa-Blazkowicz, to be specific. She wasn’t the only one; there was Panam Palmer from Cyberpunk 2077. And Jennifer Mallick, aka “Huck” TWD World Beyond. There were a few more. But leaving it there.

So as the song goes, AHEM, Lady Gaga “Sexxx Dreams.” This might explain why I didn’t get off on it. Despite how long I lounged around in bed. I still am at 7:20. It would have been something if I were only watching the performance, but I was “Begging,” Lunalesca. Did I mention my ears are being assaulted by everything? Okay, love the music, yup. Lunalesca, if you didn’t know, the Nazis that I’ve often read about are here, Republicans. Oh, there’s the Alec Baldwin shooting. It’s been on my mind. Shutting everything off. Ain’t that the dream? I wish I had thought about that yesterday. No, I save all my wishes for Braxton to come home. Or to go trust that chick from Facebook.

Hell, I wish I could enact a punishment that I know I deserve for B III. I’m a weak man. Always under the influence of a pair of breasts, boobs, books talking about them, hmm? Always at the mercy of bucks, bills, benjamins. Speaking of which, an errand for today. Always afraid of bullets, ballistics, busting a cap as the kids say nowadays? Staying away. Better an excursion to the bank than being with a weapon I shouldn’t touch, definitely. There’s the other weapon poking up, and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours, damn it. As I said, the dreams. If I dreamed of Braxton, I’d be bawling my eyes out, which will happen sometime today. Instead, my balls are useless. No, Not The B’s

265 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 113 ~Lying, Braxton Be Trippin’~

It’d be less humiliating to be on my knees to God than how the Day Job had me crawling around Thu. Ironic that it was the shoe lady that had me doing that. What I wouldn’t give to be on the floor playing with B again. Lying, Braxton Be Trippin’

Friday, October 22, 2021

Chronicle 113 ~Lying, Braxton Be Trippin’~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, meaning I always have a soft place to land when I fall flat on my face.

So with my Republican ideology. I wish I could bury my head in the sand after yesterday’s humiliations. I did get off the Day Job early but let’s not forget I don’t even have money. This means I’m less than dirt, or should I say lint, as I’m lying in bed all day again. I should go shopping, but I’m already making up excuses. No, the word should be “Lying.” I would have been better off lying there and letting people step all over me. Hell, I was on the floor replacing those damn soft mats. I can do both; indeed, I followed through Sophia. Let’s focus on the lies, though. The fact that I thought, “I’m Gonna Be Somebody.” Now that would be Braxton.

There were days when Braxton would curl up beside my head, and I could go blind with all his hair. I would take one of the days when he would step on my face. How about the lies B would tell to get me to follow him and attempt to do something with this existence? With him around, I had to walk the straight and narrow path because where’s Braxton? Sophia, I try that at my Day Job, ok. Once again, I’m a fucking joke. I hate it there always. What have I been doing all this morning, making mistakes, and why? Comfy spots SIGH. Be it burgers, books, boobs, I spent how much again? The bucks better be there, or is $12.00 hourly it?

“The pessimist looks down and hits his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.”
― The Walking Dead, 07×02

Was my Manager lying to me? It wouldn’t be the first time. Let’s focus on my lie, though. Which was, I wouldn’t be able to get fries for Braxton yesterday. As you can see, ta-da. What would have happened if I had this drive while Braxton was alive? B’s waiting. Another way of lying to myself so I don’t have to look. B III’s in the den waiting for fries. I stay in the dark so I can pretend he’s lying somewhere, and I have to look out for him. Days like yesterday say I should follow him and let his barking drive away, the noise. B III breathing did too. His lies that I’m a good Daddy I can forgive. Lying, Braxton Be Trippin’

264 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 111 ~Bucket Says B III~

All the small things, chicken biscuits off the shelves and not getting them in the drive-thru. The Yabbo files I’ve been working on instead of writing. Of course, there is always my little boy, gone 262 Days. “Bucket Says B III,” sometimes.

Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Chronicle 111 ~Bucket Says B III~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I would make it in for a chicken biscuit sometime today. There’s always time.

Um, no, there’s not, but I did wake up around two AM today. But getting two more hours of sleep, I woke up at four and then fell right back to sleep, yep. It’s not nightmares but wanting to wake up dead and then seeing death staring you in the face. B was my life. Doggie kisses or some pretty girl’s… it’s been a long time since I’ve made a comparison. Where are we now; 262 Days without Little B. Even longer when it comes to the chicks. Hell, all the chicks in the world wouldn’t make up for Braxton being here. A monk again? I’m trying Inspector Echo, twisting my legs all into knots. As it stands, 3 Days, 17 Hours. Yes, it’s timed.

Braxton isn’t very patient when it comes to his favorite things in the world. Going outside, a biscuit for his bathroom spot, doggie cuddles from Moi? Inspector, it’s Fries always. These days as a routine, I stop and pick up fries except for Saturdays. If I’m going to betray my best friend. When I pick up a box of Street Tacos, I’ll choose onion rings. Bastard. Only this week, all I’ve wanted is a chicken biscuit but with the “promotion” and all. As the song goes, “Work sucks, I know.” If I go pick one up today, what’s left this week? Echo, a lesson from Braxton, “The best legs, breasts, and thighs are in a bucket of chicken.” My little boy was a wise one.

I’m not talking about my penis; that would be my big boy, right? Besides thinking of the vittles, I haven’t been getting. Or my Braxton, of course. It’s been all about boobs, some Yabbos. When you’re hauling boxes of crap, what’s a man to do? If I was writing Echo? Now I’m not complaining about OnlyFans. I’m thinking the reason I started that is because the house is Hell. But the Day Job is what took me away from Braxton. Should I be thanking them or cursing them? At least the ASM quit, so yay. I still need to eat. Chicken for my table or more like for Braxton’s tummy. For now, I’ll go write at the dining room table, SIGH. Bucket Says B III

262 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 110 ~To B Somewhere Else~

I need a vacation, and I mean a real break. Hell, I haven’t been to the movies in about two years. I went to my second best friend’s wedding. Happy Anniversary, Carolina Bound to you and the hubby. Of course, where was B III then? To B Somewhere Else

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Chronicle 110 ~To B Somewhere Else~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but sooner or later, I would have found myself sitting there. “Let’s go home, Daddy.”

Not a day goes by where I don’t see that moment. My Ma told me that I’d make room for “Happy” memories. I wish I were Happy with Braxton. Am I Happy with you? A considerable discussion but with Braxton. I was better than I am right now, Love, without question. When I met Braxton, I was a twenty-something boy in my Olds bedroom one night. Remember when I told you that Braxton jumped into my car when they moved away. How many times did I stroll into the house, and Braxton was thrilled I’d returned? Home is where the heart is, and the second B was gone. The first thing was I couldn’t go home. You know exactly where I wanted to go. Rainbow Bridge.

Now I’ve been looking all over the house for a place. I’ve never been one for decoration or art. I mean, there is still Braxton’s room. My oldest hoody, hanging on the door. His meds and what’s left of his food in its place. Treats on the table; Braxton’s Remains. Every day I want to put them in another type of urn. That is if I ever get the nerve to open that box again. Hell, I’m tempted to give him a wall in the bedroom, ok. Do you think I’m mad? I’ll get one of those Cuddle Clones for the foot of the bed. And there is my tattoo. Besides working, my betrayal, and the need for survival, I haven’t been anywhere else Love.

I need a vacation, another bed with you in it, of course. Where do you think we should go? I take it you want a real trip, but I can’t even get up to go to the movies. There was lunch with my second best friend and her hubby, and I’m still so embarrassed now. There’s no escaping fear, shame, I was going to say, the truth. The truth shall set you free. So am I happy with you and the world that we have even without Braxton living? Yes. Do I know that I can’t go on like this always and forever as I told Braxton the same? Yes. Will I ever find ACCEPTANCE in him being gone? My Love, To B Somewhere Else.

261 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 109 ~Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport~

I don’t care for hunting. For food, okay. But killing majestic beasts as you want to man-up or because it’s Human Nature. The Most Dangerous Game? The only “life” I’ve taken had four legs and loved me the most. Humans eww. Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport

Monday, October 18, 2021

Chronicle 109 ~Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport~

Two-Hundred And Tenth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t hunt people. On the one hand, some girls disagree. On the other, my aunt.

She for sure thought I was going to be a supervillain and wanted to destroy the planet. Me, the guy that’s so afraid to be in charge at work. Who’s thinking about every little thing that he screwed up the last time he was there? What did she know, considering…? Well, we won’t get into that. Let’s say that I haven’t killed anybody. Wait, no, scratch that. The things I can no longer speak. I have never been in a car wreck, but that changed some months back. Yeah, remember, Sunday, January 31, 2021, I killed my best friend, Braxton. A dangerous thought of what I wanted before I knew Braxton was dying, so I won’t voice it. Only if anyone deserves “something” that’s me.

Hell, I ain’t worth much except to a scammer. I swear I like books, but how many people have I had to block on Goodreads? While we’re on the subject, what am I reading now? In case you didn’t know, AHEM “Time-Travel.” Today is Saturday which means, as always, this week is going to suck. So again, what will I be thinking about in Hell? Dystopian Girls 2? Mason doesn’t hunt for girls but somehow finds them. Or speak of some tiddies, and they appear. A.J. Markam’s books have me looking up the Kama Sutra. There are also more Harem Romances. Hunting, Looking, Stalking, as I told Lady Luna today, I’m lost. I’m not chasing anything but my destruction. my Lazy Ass, come Find Me.

For the record, I don’t care for hunting. Unless we’re talking about something like Squid Game where things are “equal.” Humanity has lost sight of that. Now, Braxton, he was my pack, and I did what I did to make sure he would live… Other people, why are they there? That’s why the world is so dangerous. It’s all one big game of “Who’s The Better Killer.” We’re all fighting the same enemy, people, that is. One man said it was Hate, but no, Madam, you start at the root, and that is Fear. Braxton feared nothing… Well, his own kind, leaving me, and then only me. I killed and got nothing for it. Beasts have reasons, yet people survive. Beasts Don’t Kill For Sport.

260 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 107 ~To B The Boss~

I got soul, but I’m not a soldier, which explains why I never made it in the Navy or the Army. I was a Dad, but where’s my son? Now somebody wants me to be the boss, and I think about how much I effed up Thursday. Me being in charge, “To B The Boss.”

Saturday, October 16, 2021

Chronicle 107 ~To B The Boss~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which makes me “The Man.” Hell, I’m a man, I keep telling myself. The world disagrees.

Now I’m not in the LGBTQ community though I support it. God only knows the number of friends titties I want to see, SIGH. Braxton was enamored with Carolina Bound’s. Some things I couldn’t give my son. I wish he had met his stepmom. But “How To Be The Man.” Day one when B and I found ourselves on the porch of this place. I hugged my boy, and I said, “we have to look out for each other. It’s only us now.” Oh, and now I have one bedroom made into a Den. The second one is The Library/B III’s Room. Uh yeah, family. I’ve said and not to sound like “idgit” Marjorie Taylor Greene but being a father is the epitome of manhood.

It was/is the most tremendous honor, privilege, duty of my life. Thou Art Courageous to take up such a task. Great men do not seek power; it is thrust upon them. Before I rip off another game or show, do you remember Little B jumping into the car choosing me? Lunalesca, I picked him the moment I saw him in my Old Man’s hands. Hell, I don’t know what to do with myself, but it was effortless with B III. Love. That’s why I’m so lost. I don’t love myself, and while I care for my friends, when I’m not staring at their tiddies. Yeah, I should stop watching Emily. Anyway, I refuse to lead anyone else to ruin, to death, or worse, my STUPIDITY.

That’s why this boss man stuff has me so terrified. It’s not like I’ve even acted on anything; I only got the promotion Thursday. It took me fifteen years to fail Braxton. I hear you, Lady Lu, that was old age. We’re talking what a few months here. Humiliations Galore. Yesterday I was looking over the schedule thinking as soon as I saw my position… Lunalesca, I didn’t go crawling into the bed, but again I failed six impossible things. Braxton and I knew Yabbos could fix anything. Boobs and chocolate before The End, ha. It would have been the least I could do as his Daddy. As his boss? My boy led me through life. My Turn To B III. To B The Boss

258 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 106 ~B A Man Because~

Um, good news, I got promoted, bad news, somebody thinks I should be in charge. Worse news, Braxton has been gone 257 days, and he was much more of a man than me. But he wouldn’t like my Day Job either or how I’m living now. B A Man Because

Friday, October 15, 2021

Chronicle 106 ~B A Man Because~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that how I judge success? Dennis Hof, Gary Paulsen, Rodzil LaBraun, hell, Seong Gi-hun.

Alas, I am only me. I wish I could be B; that is, if I can’t have him back. Yet one more apology I owe him. I’ve spoken about choosing everything over him. Now with yesterday’s events. I would have come back, hugged him close, and fell asleep terrified and enraged. I present the question again, Sophia, is this how I judge success? If anything, I’m more like Spiderman; I don’t feel so good. This is dangerous to say but like Spontaneous, to explode. The Tomorrow War, to be thrown into another time. Spiderman drifted away. No, I don’t fear being somebody, Lady Sophia. I’ve sung about wanting to be “Successful.” Yet I’m sitting here in bed, without even a swallow of sugar-free Root Beer.

Relax, I’ll go to the store today despite waking up late. 5:00 AM is pretty damn late. I can’t make ignoring my alarm part of my routine. If I had forgotten my phone Wednesday like I had ignored Braxton, I wouldn’t even be in this mess. Temporary, the manager said. Okay, so what’s the problem? Thursday, I got promoted to a position for the holidays. Fuck, I don’t even know the title. Of course, you know I can’t stand the holidays from E-Day to the rest of the year. And they’re multiplying. What will I call B III’s leaving life? Today I don’t even know what to call myself. So why did I do it? The money, staying in the stockroom, fear of people, yep.

Dennis Hof and Rodzil LaBraun told women what to do. R.I.P. Gary Paulsen, who wrote one of my top ten favorite books, told characters what to do. Yes, Rodzil is a writer but of harem erotica. Who knows what Gi-hun is going to do? No Squid Game spoilers from me. Only last night, I didn’t dream of that. I dreamt of someone in the house again, and I got my gun and chased them into Braxton’s room. They were trapped, and if they left, I’d blast them. That’s when I woke up. I saw the guy, a black hoodie, smiling yet scared. Lady Sophia, it was me. Acceptance equals death; that’s the meaning. Success too, but Braxton isn’t here. My turn. B A Man Because

257 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 104 ~Suffering Is To B~

Braxton didn’t suffer in death. Little B, no, he saved that for me with his last look. Before, as he lay in his bed, belly empty. And I knew; French Fries, Popcorn, or anything that hit the floor would tempt him. Not even a bite. “Suffering Is To B.”

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Chronicle 104 ~Suffering Is To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And if I were like all the others, that means the rules don’t apply to me.

Excuse my politics at what 7:30 in the morning? Oh, I got up on time, earlier even. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare as my final thought after “Goodnight B, Sweet Dreams.” It is that I won’t have to wake up. I dreamed someone was here… I scared them away. To think my time always took a hit when B was here. I lose even more now that I don’t have him to protect me. That’s on top of everything I do in remembrance of him. Let’s not forget that I can’t plan on crying, but it happens everyday Echo one way or another. I even told M Anime that no matter the pain, I think of Braxton. Nothing ever trumps that hurt, shame, sin.

Not yesterday’s “ear fidgeting.” I swear if I end up in one of those disgusting videos with a bug in my ear? I’m always down for whatever wants to take me out and straight to Braxton. I’ve been looking at my hand and these two marks, minor nicks. My boss slammed a piece of hardware there by accident. Um, I should thank her, It reminds me of a nip from B III. Of course, the worse thing about this week, besides Braxton being gone? The Day Job. How about as the song goes? “Takin’ the bumps and the bruises, Of all the things of a two-time loser.” Now I’ve told you about this before. How I passed out because I didn’t eat, and Braxton saved my life. Poor us, right?

My new method of “purging” since, yeah, I can’t keep my dick in my pants. Thank you, Stuff And Thangs, aka OnlyFans. And I got Carolina Bound watching too, fantastic. Ok, you remember, after starving myself, I wound up in the hospital. My Old Man didn’t want to pay, and my Ma ended up footing the bill. Yes, my shame. I’m more ashamed that Braxton had dirty water due to my health, and I swore it would never happen again. Inspector, it never did, but I starved myself again and got kicked out by my Old Man. That was years ago, but then this week… Damn, I got to be careful how I say things… Guess I’ll tell Braxton tomorrow, yep. Suffering Is To B.

255 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 103 ~Hip To B Square~

Braxton was a little me sometimes. He was quiet on Sundays because he knew I watched TWD. He was annoyed at the Olympics, but wrestling, B would zoom around as I wasn’t paying attention. He thought he was a pimp on walks. “Hip To B Square.”

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Chronicle 103 ~Hip To B Square~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and money can make anyone beautiful. Or so I’ve been told. What about cool, My Love?

Well, I’m still crying over my Lost Boy. It’s now been 254 Days. Planning my cryfest, our conversations, and how much cash I got, we got. I hope we’re not on a “sex” schedule, ha. That’s one area of my life that I’d like to keep Spontaneous. Then there’s something… My Braxton, again? Acceptance isn’t something I’m going to find in any novel waiting. It’s Sunday (Time Travel). Yeah, I cried this morning and this afternoon around 3:30 – 4:00 PM. Nope, I’m not opening his resting place again until I have something better. My skin? Tattoos are cool, right, except I believe that some people go overboard. If it’s in tears or ink, can’t I have both. It would mean venturing from bed or Den.

How about going down to PetSmart? Saturday, the doggies weren’t there, but I did get another email about one. Lucky for him and me, by the time I looked the puppy up, there were takers. Not like I need another beautiful thing to have put into a box. Creepy cool? Why do I care about being cool all of a sudden? Didn’t need that to get you, my Sweet Love. There’s always Love but with that comes, my Grief too. Now Squid Game becomes routine. It’s a lot of tears from Episode 6, but not from me. Hell, I cried so long for my “Gganbu?” Again I’m trying to be like everyone else, the Cool Kids. I’m your husband, also a father, a provider. Braxton’s…

The Hell if I know. But I feel you, Baby Doll, on my side, my hip. B, Carolina Bound, etc. You’ve listened to me prattle about my newest “obsession?” It’s not that, but it’s good. We haven’t been out in how long? Every dinner has been bagged or boxed somewhere. Baby Girl, I’ve lost myself in books. Emulating Bill Gates style. I only mean reading. You’ve been worried I could end up in some fancy box with how I’m moving. Acceptance of what has happened is not cool at all. Neither is dying. I wish I could call myself a nerd or a geek. I’m not smart enough and with what I’ve been into. I’m always into you (wink). But Love… Hip To B Square

254 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will