Gospel 119 ~A High Maintenance Will~

Another Day Off surrendered for forty bucks, yeah right, and then I came back and went to sleep. But, who needs a billion dollars and a fancy writing desk. I’m much better off unloading trucks and the stockroom. A High Maintenance Will

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Gospel 119 ~A High Maintenance Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and with that kind of money, I’m not… hmm, I don’t have a word. Weird, Wicked, another term used to describe women, a Witch. Inspector Echo I have nothing but respect for women, with all my talk to M. Anime lately.

Well, that was until last night. I want to tell you what I said, but you know me. I’m staying “Family-Friendly” until Thursday, SIGH. I have no embarrassments to speak on other than “Talking Tables.” I hate that company profusely. I’m sweating like some druggie. Yet, since I can’t talk of one particular sin, I suppose Greed and Sloth will have to do. Even mentioning the seven deadly sins gets me to think of Eric Vall’s books. By tomorrow I’ll be done with another A.J. Markam title. Where does the time go and the dollars? Anyway, I should really focus on the hands of the clock, though. Did I mention how sweaty my hands are? Again it’s like I’m needing a good fix. Usually, I’m pretty damn cheap except when buying books or trying to be a better person ever.

Haven’t we spoken a time or two about how I refuse to buy store brands… for the most part. I’m nowhere near living large, but again where does all the money go, Inspector Echo. I’m sitting here cursing pizza, which is utter blasphemy. I worked on an off day too. Inspector, how much am I worth… an extra four hours, and what am I going to do with it? I’m more concerned about going on six hours that I wasted sleeping. Ok, so not all of them since again I’m 85% done with another novel. I even gained some enlightenment. Only now I’m not sharing because of Greed, Sloth, and let’s throw in some Pride to the mix. Yeah, like I don’t share all my other secrets for the world to see. I’m not better than anybody I know it.

Only this lazy, good for nothing boy, I treat better than the man I ought to be. I mentioned Marvin Gaye and Teddy Pendergrass. At the Day Job, beside them, I listened to some “decent” affirmations for all the good that did. I found out a “favorite” website got axed.

I’m sorry, Inspector Echo, who I am, is such a cheap date and high maintenance. Contradiction, A High Maintenance Will

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 112 ~Will And His Wrench~

Today was spent assembling rolling carts and the like with a Canadian gentleman. Don’t ever tell me Canada is “a nice place,” but then again, living in the US… yeah, where’s my passport? “Will And His Wrench,” there are several in my plans.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Gospel 112 ~Will And His Wrench~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I have a few handymen on call. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, being “Family-Friendly” SUCKS. On family, I remember something my “Father” taught me. If you want something done right, do it yourself, yep.

Well, that was in The Fifth Element, too, where I learned that lesson. Now my Mother and Father’s teachings were this. I’m worthless, I better fix it, and how to shut my mouth. A new game system, setting my sister’s TV, the dæmon napping away. Unfortunately, that’s what I was doing most of today, sleeping. If I were smarter, I would have told the Day Job to go to Hell, but instead, I went in. The question; is something wrong with my bed or something wrong with me, as I can’t stay awake for anything. Another signal of my ongoing depression, which is still an excuse. How dare I call it depression as I’m humiliated at the Day Job always. No, I’m only lazy and STUPID. I don’t intend to be so down on myself. I have no real coping tools, really Inspector Echo, SIGH.

Speaking of tools, I’m still looking at the dining room table in utter disgust and contempt. It’s all my fault, no doubt, the burn marks on the wood. I’ve told you how much of a “Scrooge” I am, haven’t I? It’s only October so let’s go with Brewster’s Millions, Inspector.
I haven’t bought an ironing board since when? Hell, I won’t even go out to buy lightbulbs, and I wonder why I can’t see… uh, the light. I am sitting on a thousand dollars, and I won’t spend a penny; why. We know why and I can’t talk about it ever. If I’m being good. Let’s stick to the sins of SLOTH and GREED. Besides talking to you, I am still reading with no thought of the time. 15% every day is my quota. What am I learning about Inspector Echo? Knowledge is power, but none of what I know helped me fix the table.

I am gaining insights into my novel. More like what to steal, but Eric Vall is a great writer. I’m thinking along the lines of some customers getting blackmailed or murdered. And one more thing, none of this makes any sense to you, Inspector. Sorry.

Only, Will And His Wrench

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 105 ~Three Willy And More~

I like the movie Free Willy but my hand to God that title was the bane of my existence. Back then, didn’t that movie rule the box office, and as to ruling. What about my own life… Three Willy and More

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Gospel 105 ~Three Willy And More~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now and ruler of the three kingdoms… more or less, remains to be seen. Well, aren’t I feeling all high and mighty considering this is Day Four of (you know what)? For the record, I liked “Free Willy,” but that title, SIGH.

Anyway, for what brings us together today, let’s start with Pinterest. I still mourn the loss of my second account. Hell, I created a whole new email account and am in the process of rebuilding. While it will never come to pass and almost doesn’t count, I have to “DO.” As to why I’m here so late, 4:05 PM. Have you ever discovered some “media” and then you’ve lost it? All-day, besides sleeping, of course, I’ve been searching for a particular girl. Now that’s about as far as I can get into it since today isn’t Thursday. I did fail.

Interestingly enough, I haven’t been adding many other boards. I’m sticking to my guns, no doubt, when it comes to locking down every gallery. For once, I am hiding. While at work, I’m again either trying or doing. So opposite.

I told one of the girls, Hell maybe even you, about my “promotion” working in the stockroom. If anything, I’m beginning to conclude that I will only be the fall guy in some shape. At least it keeps my mind off all the STUPIDITY that I usually do at work. Entertaining I am… but I’ve said before that the comedian is dead. I take a good look around, and there are far better jesters, jokers. Now you know how I hate the jeering above everything else. Is that what’s taking me so long to write those reviews, Quibi hmm. Somehow I finished that review that’s been on my Six Impossible Things list forever. Talk about being guilty, and you know I want to take responsibility. It’s that people have a tendency to ask me for everything. What is Rule 153? No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly.

Now to the only kingdom that should matter, and that’s my writing. Through writing, I will build a new world in my image. A place where My Firstborn will have all that he desires because he is killing me with his latest demands. Hell, I like to spoil him, Echo.

I am sorry though I didn’t write and everything’s falling. GREED, Three Willy And More.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 098 ~Well HALO There Will~

Be yourself… question, what is the worst advice you’ve ever been given? If I could start again, a million miles away as the song goes. I’m no saint but I was raised in the church; I could fake it, I know plenty who do. Well HALO There Will.

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Gospel 098 ~Well HALO There Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but the truth is, as the song goes, I feel STUPID. Yes, Inspector Echo it’s still one of the ugliest words in the English language. The #1 word of my most hated words. Now don’t expect me to get all positive as I was at the beginning of the year, maybe. Oh, and speaking of negativity, I’m pretty damn sure I don’t have the PLAGUE better known as Coronavirus (COVID-19). My nose is better; while not perfect, I’m still breathing. I guess I can clear my head. Is that a HALO?

Not sure if you’ve seen, but over the past few days, I’ve been trying to let my better qualities show. In the words of Kratos, “Don’t be sorry. Be Better.” Hell, I’ve only played the first God of War and haven’t picked up a controller in ages. Now my smartphone… Anyway, I have been reading every day. Nothing I can talk about, mind you. I should probably get into reading the Pinterest rules. Am I going back to that? As THEY say, Echo, third time is the charm. I noticed yet again I’m listening to an old white guy, SIGH. Speaking of old white guys, I can name two. First, I have my boss at the Day Job. Now he and the GM have given me an “important” assignment of back stocking all the new stuff we’re getting. Heaven has its jobs, and so does Hell, but who am I?

I have to stop convincing myself I’m this massive sinner. Otherwise, I’ll never get over my consuming addiction. Yet I know I’m not a saint either, but I’m out there looking for a HALO, which is more elusive than my work. The thing is I ain’t Trump, I’m taking responsibility. Inspector Echo, is it too little, too late? I don’t want to spend my life alone, and even my little dæmon is in trouble. You must be getting sick of me with the songs, but AHEM I keep trying to do the right thing, But I keep doing it the wrong way. Aren’t he and I a match, Father and son? Today the question is, why am I trying to change. Well, no, it’s more to the tune of fixing my image. That’s a no go too. In truth, I don’t want to be a good man. Only Will hmm?

Nah. Well HALO There Will.


I Will Have No Fear

Log 117 ~Will’s Week Of Worries~

I didn’t make my bed today, but strangely enough, I made it to the loveseat and have been sitting here ever since wondering why anyone would want to steal my throne, some T and A as Ice Cube puts it maybe. “Will’s Week Of Worries”

Saturday, October 26, 2019

Log 117 ~Will’s Week Of Worries~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now and not white, so still, I worry. Okay, so I don’t mean to get all racial out the gate. Even at this stage in the game, I would give anything to have peace of mind. Of course, you know what that means, like last night, porn. Well, more so modeling and not mine but Teen Starlet. I’ve also been testing out DVDs and computer games, The Eternal, Casual Romance Club, Virgin Roster. Cherry is probably sick of me wanting to see her naked, but this week.

Last week I was in Rockford, Illinois, getting ready for Indiana Gone’s wedding. You know that old saying about spilled milk and all, but I do regret not dancing with her still. At least all that kept me from a huge concern? What, 1500 miles, getting lost, laughed at, loser noticed wasn’t terrible? Of course, my Firstborn is always a major worry. Not to sound like Alpha but, he’s my son, he’s my baby. The Day Job is a mix of hating everyone and listening to Dale Carnegie. We could talk about money Lady Lu. I’m only now beginning to rebuild, and what about next year. Oh, what about when I asked A&W about our co-worker he is always hanging with these days. There’s also Little A, who I didn’t have the nerve to tell him to “Fuck Off” (LANGUAGE). He gets the point because he did so anyway. Welcome to my life Lady Lu.

Should I be welcoming someone else? You remember while I was on my journey I got an alert from Norton, I got another yesterday. How I wish life were a video game with the danger music so I would know. Well, I guess I’m getting that, but I don’t know what began the alert. It could be my traveling, the same reason I don’t go to the library anymore. I look up plenty of “stuff & thangs” but who, what, when, where, and why. How about somebody wanting to see sexy girls, and here I am paying for “porn” ahem models. It’s a fearful time Lady Lu, but I haven’t noticed a change in anything. If it is a paying service, what was the delay? You know I’ve wished I was dead a million times, but I’ll be damned if somebody steals my life (LANGUAGE).

Whoa, Will’s Week Of Worries.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 214 ~Will A Tight Lip~

Shut-Up, sit down, scratch, or more like punch the keys, get to grinding but I instead stay between the sheets, the bar searching, or the billfold, pretending I’m doing something, thinking of all I should honestly be doing. Will A Tight Lip

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Episode 214 ~Will A Tight Lip~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, if anything my mind is quite tight-lipped about these things but then I ask myself again, what am I scratching about, which pains do I stifle, and why do I continue a seemingly endless search.

I have plenty of time to be angry about what I’m not writing but as for what I am beside this conversation; names, nickels, and the Neanderthal ways of lesser men I would like to think. Something I have discovered about an aversion to “Fapping” if I have not said this before but your hunter’s instincts turn up quite a few notches; it makes you want to go out, makes the once ordinary extraordinary, and of course the idea to O, how else did the MILF get to me. I’m still staring at her tits, that’s how she wound up in my last novel but now it’s all cosplayers, pretty playthroughs, and Prom Night, I do mean with Whitney Wright, a younger reminder of two of my favorite MILFs honestly.

I’ve barely been keeping it in my pants, so yeah plenty of pain and the thing I learned about pain is either people can’t hear, hurry it, or help “mostly.” One more reason I’m a dominant, I need a submissive’s pain to be louder than mine, I don’t want her to crave it, but I don’t want her to hide from it or wish it away. As always with everything, I want to feel useful, of course, there’s aftercare but more, doctor’s flit between life and death, I want to go between pleasure and pain.

“The G-Spot…” between two pussy lips, how about the tongue, the moment a dollar bill exchanges hands, the pages between cover to cover and yet everything above that is what dictates whether we go on that journey, beauty, brains, bucks, etc. Didn’t mean to go with all my philosophy today but I guess I’ve lost myself in pictures on Pinterest attempting to find one particular gallery that for all I know might not even exist anymore. Will and the lost pin, pretty face, even porno, and already I have more than I would ever need; yet a reason to want to produce more with books, brothels, and breaths because you know you hold one in right before, well blast off.

Now that’s the one thing that I don’t hide, days counting, I want to be better, plus I’m not a celebrity in some rehab or prison yet… I keep things to myself these days, but that’s because I’m so lazy honestly; Will A Tight Lip.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 207 ~C The Word Will~

Control, Command, Can Do attitude, the makings of a dominant am I right, though at the moment I’m a scared boy who wants a chocolate bar, some cookies, or plenty of milk… see, now how dirty was that? C The Word Will

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Episode 207 ~C The Word Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, when I’m not Willy Wonka, Will Smith, or Willow to be sure, nope I’m only Will, that is unless I have chocolate, I utter some dirty words like cunt or clit, and again I’m working on having the cash and that’s for pretty much everything.

Chocolate though; any woman that knows me has seen my preferences when it comes to women, amazingly breasted, brunettes, craving dominance in the BDSM lifestyle and then I look at yesterday’s picture. Three blondes, three with black hair and not one brunette, I read somewhere that the only constant is CHANGE and once upon a time I found myself quite smitten when it came to Asian women, and I could not begin to tell you when it became brunettes for me; give things a chance? I don’t even remember being much of a chocolate kid, taste BUDS, CHOICES or how to escape the DEVIL; I learned from the A.M.E Church.

Cunt is not as dirty a word to me as church, to be truthful, I’ve gotten more women with “naughty” words than with a word of beauty; take a look at Will Smith, I still owe him my life but I heard his rap style changed and lately I’m more a fan of Tupac. Not saying either one uses the word cunt or clit but I’ve called women, whores, and sluts and let’s not get into my novels, my courtesans…

Cash, because for damn sure I better Find A Way because Dennis Hof lived in a Candy store, and while I don’t think much of religion but the “fictional” Project at Eden’s Gate is something to see, I would never go so far to make my bread, candy, or dick hard (thank you Faith Seed). I was watching the prosperity gospel at work, and I wish that were the worst thing I did all day and yes I know I’m ruining sexy time, but I needed it last night because I keep thinking I’m going to get canned, dismissed, excused, so yeah fired. Most of my dreams predict this, and though things get bad at work I somehow get by, but maybe that’s what that dream meant, that I need to change paths. Stop eating the chocolate first snickers because the Strawberry is the best, or merely saying I can’t love a black woman besides my momma because you know I’ll Always Love My Mama.

You know I’ve always believed in the B’s and yes B III but also Babes, Biology, and Bullion, with those you control the world, but cunts, cash, and chocolate, well that commands a particular sect of humanity, so stop saying I can’t and say I Can, I AM Will and so, C The Word Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

I don’t bother to introduce myself; I won’t even say hello because if the conversation goes further than that, do you care how I am, should I care how you are, sooner or later you’ll lie to yourself about me. Don’t Make Their Lies True

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

Fifty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, the first bit of change but why should I, you know it’s never me wanting to fit in, it’s what’s left inside me, and then I don’t recognize who I am anymore, yet one more reason I avoid mirrors.

Last week I talked about writing a decent sentence but how many people have seen that coming from me, no instead I believed the first lie from my “father” and that was “stupid” everything about me. Madam Justice I don’t want to be a downer today but isn’t ironic that with lies you can be president but the truth can put you in prison regardless of guilt or innocence, I heard again I was stupid in my “home,” and thus I became it. So I’ve spent my life wanting to be everything but, I read every day, I attempted to join Mensa, hell I don’t know how many books I’ve written, but I struggle with such small tasks making my father and everyone else smarter.

In the flesh, I am ugly, and like the Phantom, Quasimodo, or Cyrano de Bergerac, I began to wear masks, I hide upstairs; my downstairs barely has furnishings, and I don’t bother to fix the doorbell; how about the fact that I hide behind words? I don’t check mirrors because there is no point, I wear hoodies and dark colors, I keep earphones on always, the music a feeble attempt to drown out the lie that is becoming the truth.

Of course, I can’t neglect this, let’s say half-truth that got me here talking to you… how many times will I return to this; I was acting skeevy and creepy to a girl, fair enough, I started talking to Lady Lu and next thing you know I’m a stalker. Now if comparing a girl to Brazzers or Reality Kings is one thing, I get the same damn reaction if I write something sweet, of course, when “gentlemen” pay me for my words, they get girls panties to drop quick. Even now you might say I sound bitter, to one girl I’m too sweet, to another I attempt to nail her whenever she comes by, but my point is I don’t know my truth as I’m in many lies and falsehoods.

With that on repeat having never known myself since the cradle, believing and knowing I was worthless, nothing, and stupid and having the world echo that well… it started with one man and a bitch here or there; it can end with one man, me, that’s if I figure out who I am one day, Don’t Make Their Lies True.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 267 ~We’re Canceling The Apocalypse~

Every day is an opportunity to change and every day the world might end, but I think I’m too scared to do one and strangely enough, I think I might find a way to deal with the other one if the time comes. We’re Canceling The Apocalypse

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Lesson 267 ~We’re Canceling The Apocalypse~

To Will:
I Am Not Fine Today, but I will not die today either, you think maybe tomorrow and why, perhaps because you’re out of drugs, you know you’ll find yourself in the same place just later, and probably it’s just because you have survived worst. Isn’t that what life is, half the time people saying if you want something, “go get it,” and the other half “if it’s meant to be it will be.”

It could be a little of both you know; you walk through the fire of the next horror only to get through and wait for the next thing that is rarely good or maybe the truth is you’re running like something out of The Langoliers. How about Happy Death Day, possibly, if every day remains the same that would explain so much, you’re hurting, and it takes more time to recover because you die a little more each day but don’t we all. You might be trying to avoid what dreams may come; I know I’m honestly on a movie kick instead of music but while we are here making a list, six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 015 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Finish Reading “Galahad Suns”
Failed
4. I Will Get Ready For Camp NaNoWriMo
Completed
5. I Will Finish My Tomb Raider Review
Completer
6. I Will Stay Gainfully Employed
Completed

Do you see how close you are in finding full completion but you don’t have to be afraid, this isn’t your bucket list this is merely showing that the world didn’t end and that as much as you wish it would there is a way? You know the rule “Rule 158 I’m Will, There’s A Way” and even if you’re not “high” like you were today, what are the odds that you won’t survive tomorrow, live every day as if it were your last am I right? “We can’t all be like that English tart you’ll be talking to tomorrow, “Everyday Will Be Like A Holiday” and such, that truly would be some makeshift apocalypse; “Knowing Hell You Fear Heaven,” did I hear a rule?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 015 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Survive Inventory Tomorrow
4. I Will Finish Reading “Galahad Suns”
5. I Will Review Pacific Rim: Uprising
6. I Will “Get Out” Of This House Once

What’s the worst that can happen if I ever complete these six impossible things, you know what is impossible finally eating before work and not getting sick but it happened; how about making it without going to the store until Thursday, you’ll see. Did you see Talia Lin Pepke in the store today, probably not but would the world have ended if you tried talking to her, opportunity tsk, tsk.

The world is ready for a difference, are you craving a change, and if you complete these six impossible things somehow, what’s next “The Twelve Labors of Hercules” sometimes you think bring it on and others We’re Canceling The Apocalypse.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 018 ~Blueprint, 140 Characters or Less~

One of my friends often talks about my raw emotion, my raw passion, maybe I’m just trying to scrape myself raw of everything and somehow keep myself. Blueprint, 140 Characters or Less or how I have been changing the world

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Lesson 018 ~Blueprint, 140 Characters or Less~

Hey there Lady Luna,
Maybe it was that moment when I wrote a word down and didn’t have any idea what it meant and my aunt said “that’s your name”, maybe it was when I wrote that story about turkeys taking over the planet, how about the story that is somewhat dusty on the shelf. I’m my own worst critic Luna, we both know this, there is not a moment that goes by that I believe I can make it, so why do I do it hmm, why do I write anything, my friend?

“You want me to beg? Okay, I’ll beg. This is the only thing I know I am good at! Don’t take that away from me!” Best of the Best (1989)

Three bloggers liked “Some Things Can’t Be Erased”, do you know how I felt when I found out people liked my book reviews because they don’t like anything else of mine, okay about nine liked “Mime No More”. Amazon let the review on without a second thought, Goodreads, WordPress, Facebook, nobody stopped me, and I really thought, why would they you know, did I do anything wrong? How often that thought pops into my head, did I do anything wrong, am I defective, am I a mistake, you know about “the day” the one we don’t talk about because it’s the biggest regret of my entire life and it’s not even my fault at all.

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”
― from Ayn Rand

A friend asked me about why I write book reviews and personally it’s not my favorite thing in the world but okay one, a few authors have come to me asking for reviews and while I don’t think for a second that I’m special, again I want to write myself so I can understand helping them. Next, the books that no one asked for I suppose, keep me busy, I like talking about books and about my feelings towards them, seriously if someone just wants facts or hands no emotions why bother? Lastly, as I said, of anything I write nowadays I know my reviews are read, maybe even liked to a certain extent and I like that feeling of knowing that I’m a part of the universe, for one time in my life Luna I’m not invisible, I matter.

So why do I feel this way today, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and today at work, the managers asked am I happy and I said no comment, why, because I would never stop screaming. I need to learn how to expect and to accept criticism because it’s going to come; Lady Lu if I have anything to say about it, I have to believe it will come and as Michael Jackson put it, I’m starting with the man in the mirror… okay well, maybe not me first.

“You need structure. Yeah? You need discipline.

Yes, sir. Thank you for trying to teach me. Don’t give up on me, Dad.” American Beauty (1999)

I suppose my “father” did try, without a doubt he was the first one to tell me that I didn’t matter; do you know I was so scared of him when I was a child I would write notes about everything rather than face him. Maybe that’s what this is you know, I write notes to the world and then when I face rejection, it just tears me apart, let’s take this morning for example.

“Although it’s understandably cathartic when you find something that resonates with you, physically, emotionally, or otherwise- sometimes you have to ask yourself whether or not this is the right venue to write a monolog about it. This is one of those times. You’re not sick, as there is an entire industry supporting this exact genre. Sometimes things are just as simple as wanting to give up a measure of control (or seizing it) as a form of escape. This is also one of those times. Live outside your head more, dude. And for goodness sake, find some more open consensual adults to explore all aspects of your sexuality with. Seriously.”

‘A military man, especially a commander should keep a journal. After he’s gone, it’s the only real defense against the slander that later arises.” – General Bethlehem, The Postman (1997)

Okay, I have asked myself is this the right venue and I have decided that yes, it is, because it’s mine, Amazon, Goodreads, WordPress, Facebook along with a host of others have made it so. I agree with the ideas of both control and escape and again, I have questioned myself and again I have decided that my writing is a form both of control and also of escape as well. For now, I will live my life as I see fit even if that place is my own mind and as far as “consenting adults”, never in my life have I been with someone not consenting as you seem to be suggesting, yeah seriously.

“1) I hardly think a multi vitamin and some shit for my hair, skin, and nails constitutes “medicating” so I’m not worried at all about it.

2) I feel as though you look far too deep into what I write. I have a high pain tolerance, this has nothing to do with BDSM. “I look to my left” turns into a sensual song. Like, dude. No. I’m just looking at the sunrise. Nothing deeper than that. It skeeves me out that every comment written on here by you has something sexual included. This blog is not like that. Your comments and readership are respected and appreciated but the subject matter of what I write and will discuss are far different than what you write and wish to discuss. A lot of the things you say via comment are highly inappropriate. Not all, but a lot.”

Okay, Luna, I was trying to confront my demons on here, the first one was rather easy but the second one that “1-2” combo was from “Miss Girl for All Seasons” and even now I’m disgusted at myself for making her feel that way about me. I’m angry that I hurt our “friendship” like that, I’m angry that I can’t get over it, and I’m angry at her just in general. The point is Luna that words can build us up and knock us down just as easily as any brick, stone, or any amount of money, hell when I was writing my novel, each and every word is like building a whole new world.

“It’s time to change the world, kids. Here’s the blueprint” Messiah by Dead Celebrity Status

I don’t want to be like one of those people that answers, I’m only trying to touch one person because I’m too damn greedy and do I want fame and fortune… I wouldn’t say no to it. There was a time when I figured girls like the flowery stuff and they do if you have the face to go with it but the question is why do I write now.

“I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An Inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you – Valerie” V for Vendetta (2005)

A history teacher told me that history is written by the victors, yeah we’ve been over this because I said I think history is written by the survivors. In another book, a man said, we tell these stories, we write them down so no one can say they didn’t happen, there will be a record, of course, he was talking about accounts of the Holocaust.

So why do I write Lady Lu, I write to understand, myself, everything in between, and the girl I’m hoping to find someday because I rather not lie; I write fiction sometimes but I never lie. I write because there has to be a beginning, there has to be a place that I can say, yes this is where it started and now that I know where it began, here’s the present, and I can start writing my future. Luna these words come because in the universe I reside in, no place exists, do you think I could tell my breathing therapist this, my “friends” won’t understand and in words I can create a universe that can never be real, seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul, yeah the meaning of life once before.

“I am wandering inside, wandering through my past, trying to see if there is a place there strong enough to hold me.
—Ruth Mendenberg”
― Carol Matas, After the War

“There’s the secret of life. People change people. No matter what I teach you in here, learning from the people you care about is more important than the words on any page.” Girl Meets World

I don’t agree Mr. Matthews, that’s what I say to this Luna, words will always matter and I don’t like to think I care about the whole world, all I learned from the Amazon commenter and Miss Girl for All Seasons is that I’m wrong, I’m bad and while Miss Seasons has a valid point considering her own work I don’t have to talk to her anymore. No It’s you and me Luna, and yeah a few billion dollars would be nice but that’s another reason we’re friends, because I’m sick of being told I’m wrong, I’m sick of being told to go away, I’m sick of being unwanted, I hear that enough of when I leave my bed. Why do I write Luna, because that my dear was never an option in my case, in that moment I wrote my own name writing is who I truly was.

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless… of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?” Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?” John Keating, Dead Poets Society

I’m not getting religious on you Luna but wasn’t God lonely and so he created the world and while most of the world loves him/her/it some version there are people who still say no and for some reason that leaves him heartbroken? Talk about power, you see it isn’t just me except I’m not trying to cram myself down everyone’s throat, I know where to stop but someday I want to be everywhere, that’s the dream. I’ve never been a guy for just one, I mean one girl sure, one dog because Braxton is greedy, and while I dream of being in the one percent I know all too well the power of the people.

“I make mistakes but learn from every one
And when it’s said and done
I bet this Brother be a better one
If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” – Ghetto Gospel

I want to change the world Lady Lu, and it was the words on the page that got them to respond, to wreck my world and to fire me up to begin anew. People change people but I never got as close as the words did and while I respect Twitter my Blueprint, 140 Characters or Less… nope, I’m going to need some more.

“And I could still draw. Nothing had lessened it as much as I had abused it, abandoned it. It was a gift, and it was still mine. And everything else was less real. What can it mean? That picture of the world. But when it’s true, we recognize it in ourselves, in others. We recognize it, like love, completely undeserved.” – Finn Bell, Great Expectations (1998)