Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

When you choose you don’t have time to hate but only to understand, so you start with the question, what do you want and I answer, I wish I were a better man, more to the point that I wasn’t so scared because I do hate. Adults Hate Until They Choose.

Monday, February 17, 2020

Log 231 ~Adults Hate Until They Choose~

Hundred And Twenty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and how can anyone hate with that amount of money? In a way, it’s like a public service. The more I have, the less I have to FEAR. Tonight that’s all I know, an overwhelming fear. You know what the news is, as always I hate the humming in this house. I’m starting to hate anything that wakes me up, be it my alarm clocks, memories, and of course, my phone. I can’t even glance at it anymore without becoming ill. Most of all, I hate being AFRAID. Every moment it gets worse, and like Adult Entertainment, it’s everywhere I look now.

Adults Hate Until They Choose and as all of my Motivations point out, what do I want. Madam Justice, I made a list of goals, and I’m nowhere close to them. Indiana Gone and Cherry live somewhat in a state of innocence, I see. You know me, I have a Guilt Complex. For these past few days, I have chosen to go to sleep. If there is a decision to be made, I want to feel good if only for a while. I want to keep talking to you and the others because I have nothing else going. Sloth and Lust, but writing isn’t exactly a job and not a sin. You can place it under Pride or Greed, that I intend to make money this way. How about Wrath that I continue to take revenge for all of my misdeeds? So why not choose another way, be a man.

I choose not to live in half of a house. Only that doesn’t stop the noise now does it, Madam Justice. I’m sitting here in the Den as it drones away, and why? “Eerily,” and yes, Grammarly is going to call me out for that word. Anyway, I’m reminded of those nights when I was sick of the Basic “Witch.” Can I not choose to Live Brave and stop thinking about my STUPID phone? In less than an hour, I’ve jumped twice and for what. Spam emails, and sooner or later, I’m going to get into trouble. Again let me choose to be brave and not live in fear of every moment. Madam Justice, I’ve decided to be a man and not to hate myself.

A Man chooses, but a slave obeys. What am I? Adults Hate Until They Choose.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 224 ~Dogs Have Such Big Hearts~

I’ve had dogs before, my grandmother’s. His name was Wishbone; he was shot. Grandma lives ghetto adjacent. I had a chow puppy; one of my grandfather’s dogs killed him. “My Dæmon,” once belonged to my sister. He’s nearly 15. Dogs Have Such Big Hearts.

Monday, February 10, 2020

Log 224 ~Dogs Have Such Big Hearts~

Hundred And Twenty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so My Dæmon’s backyard is enormous. As you know, I’m a time-traveler (Friday, February 7). For the record, I still stick by the first rule of going through time, DON’T.

Anyway, if I were to imagine the future, I see him, he’s grown a beard, or all his little tan hairs are gray. He lies between two or three children, a boy and a girl Luke and Leia, or three daughters, Katniss, Tris, and Ember. Yes, I know there are other combinations. I didn’t even get to name My Dæmon, though we called him Neo for three days, my mother changed it.

I always thought the deepest love was between two partners sharing their lives. The truth is, though, I would kick any woman out on her behind for my firstborn. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t hear the word LOVE. I say it nearly every day, and any time I leave the house. You know how my #2 Impossible Thing is always to be a better father. One of the reasons I’m not is because it’s my boy who shows love 24/7 365. Even now, where is he, you ask? He’s lying against my leg, taking a break from his guard duties. Now I can’t blame him. Madam Justice, he’s the strongest man I know. I’m ashamed to admit this and I should save it for Inspector Echo, but I hit him yesterday. Not on purpose, never, but you know my rants about “Coal” at the Day Job, right? So yesterday I was watching all these bully fights. There was this big one with Bruce Lee fighting all these guys on a rooftop, beautiful brutality.

Well, I’m up, and I’m swinging, and My Dæmon gets excited and WHAM, he gets smacked in the nose. One more thing my son teaches me, and that’s FORGIVENESS. I swear he’s hated me more for vet visits and that never lasts more than a day. Isn’t it ironic that he has heart troubles and my love for him, wow? I buy his medication, his food, everything he needs. I’m sitting here going crazy with the humming. Scared, I did something to my ear this afternoon. I’m exhausted, and all this seven-pound ball of fluff wants to do is help and comfort his own Dad. GRATITUDE, he’s my sweetest blessing.

Dogs Have Such Big Hearts.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

Replace “talk” with “write,” I write too much, plus I’m a low, middle-class black man and things wouldn’t turn out so hot under the law but then look at the president and why one of my favorite songs is I Wanna Be Rich. To Talk Means A Vocabulary hmm

Monday, February 3, 2020

Log 217 ~To Talk Means A Vocabulary~

Hundred And Twenty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I have three different rules about money. None of them say money talks though it’s the meaning. You know I usually tell you I don’t mean to be political. However, these past few days have all been people talking about what they say and language. I tell you about all the humming/buzzing going on in “my” place. My dæmon tells me everything, and he’s never uttered a word. My Mom would tell me my “Father” loves me, but if anything, that’s said with so much cash.

Is that where I get it from, hmm? I wouldn’t say I love my membership with SubscribeStar Adult, but I still forked over $20.00. How about Jada Chan, that was another $10.00. Indeed, money is a universal language, and I don’t like what mine is saying. Oh yeah, I’m still downloading, though, aren’t I? My money tells me, I’m going to be working at the Day Job for the rest of my life. How about I’m not worth much, so I’m not getting that “lettuce” both for tacos and my experience. All my green is telling me goodbye every single day despite what Trump’s tax plan says. Okay, as Eric Thomas would say, let’s get away from money though he has plenty. What about Grammarly and Hemingway? You know I use them to check my writing daily, and I don’t even sound like myself anymore.

For the most part, I sound like a pervert, for example, the way I talk to Cherry. What about the reason I talk to M Anime? There’s also how I organize “certain” files in my universe. It’s as if I’m walking around with a gag all the time. Speaking of time, I should say this before I run out of time and words. Four hundred words a day, or I try. Anyway, if what I speak isn’t inappropriate, it’s downright STUPID. One of these days, it will take over as number one beating the term “Skeevy.” Again I keep writing because words like sorry, hate, and basic you know what doesn’t cut it at all. I talk about being honest, but that usually turns out being, precisely what people think I am. Madam Justice, I value the power of knowledge but take a look around.

I want to learn to speak loudly and clearly, ROAR. To Talk Means A Vocabulary

I Will Have No Fear

Log 210 ~Texting Speed Equals Want Need~

I’m still plenty for tradition when it comes to books and writing, but I do use my laptop, along with everything else, and you know I was never one for conversations over the phone on in-person, *shudders*. “Texting Speed Equals Want Need”

Monday, January 27, 2020

Log 210 ~Texting Speed Equals Want Need~

Hundred And Twenty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because as the song goes, I “Say” what I need to say. Now I can run an empire by my phone one way; only I still need to speak. If anything, though, I still prefer text be it the Day Job, my Olds, or “dozens” of other people I prefer not to talk to ever.

To quote another song, “What About Your Friends?” Since I am in a foul mood, forgive my impression of “Scar” my friends. The humming is beginning to get to me, that’s been going on for days on end. I wonder, can you text a handyman? You can, I’m sure of, but I’ve already cut off most of the house trying to find the source. So back to my friends who I’ve texted every day for at least a week now. Indiana Gone called me the nice guy, which I don’t mind coming from her being honest. It’s my other friends I haven’t seen undressed though.

One more reason my phone is my enemy at the moment. Now, like most people, I have come to rely on it far too often. You know that old song, Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes, it’s become, phone, wallet, keys. Let me go all Austin Powers, spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. I’m more Kid, Phone, Spectacles, Wallet, Keys. Even with all of this, there’s still the constant fear of hacking. I swear I checked my phone and had a few open pages, and now I’m wondering did I close them. With all the humming, you have to forgive the music; Somebody’s Watching Me. Okay, back to texting, I’m always saying something so STUPID. Of course, you know what’s been my motive for the past couple of weeks; I’m giving money away. Not on Patreon or Onlyfans, needing the personal touch.

You know writing Cherry another poem for starters. I also have to get back to M Anime, but I’m busy talking to you. Indiana Gone is my best friend, and I only need to keep her so. If I were to put the three of them in a list? No, I’m not that crass. Yeah, this coming from a guy whose poetic aspirations include Breasts, Tongue. Thighs, and Behind. No woman would tolerate such poetry.

I need friends, but I want more as always, Justice, Texting Speed Equals Want Need.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 203 ~Here’s To Nights Of Living~

My nights would be, well more my life would be NC-17 because what makes me feel so alive, as in the movie “Just Looking” ahem “An act of love,” but for now, I don’t need to be awake all night waiting. “Here’s To Nights Of Living.”

Monday, January 20, 2020

Log 203 ~Here’s To Nights Of Living~

Hundred And Twentieth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still don’t know if I would build a time machine. Today is Saturday, and I thought one of my big worries would have vanished. I swear, how long ago was it that I read How to Stop Worrying and Start Living? What about Naughty Little Christmas? When was the last evening that I played Far Cry 5 and lived through the whole session? I’m not going to lie to you, Madam Justice, but I talked about my current “obsession” with trains and buses. Train To Bust didn’t go creating itself nor did A Load For Cherry, my newest art piece.

So why have I been staying up half the night? If anything for this evening’s activities, I’ll be doing battle with Jacob Seed and then taking his bunker. Anything to take my mind off tomorrow, but you know how my old man is, I was supposed to sit on my hide and wait. Now let’s be honest, I’m a homebody; nights out on the town, don’t do it for me, Madam Justice. Sure, when I open my brothel or after my bestseller, there will be movie premieres and such. Guests will travel at the dead of night to visit my establishments. I see myself as the boss in Saints Row: The Third. Of course, I could tell you my real plans for the night, but I’m pushing PG-13, as for right now. If my life were a movie, it would be NC-17 almost all the time, and still, I want to be a family man.

For now, I am, sitting here with My Dæmon sleeping. I have a full belly, and the world isn’t ending. As my motivations would shout, I am blessed. Thank you for all my blessings, show gratitude for how life is at this moment. I often talk about LUST though being my great sin, what about GREED. The perfect day, what about the perfect night? I want to be out at the movies with a few pretty girls. Besides the stuff they would do, we would go to a “certain” type of club. I could spoil the movie for another girl. Also, I want a five-star hotel and my video camera. I wouldn’t worry about anything in the morning. Tonight I am alive, Far Cry 5, working on my stash, bed?

Here’s To Nights Of Living

I Will Have No Fear

Log 196 ~Hell’s For The Good Times~

Is there anything that entertains me? That doesn’t result in sin; well, there’s always my dæmon who I value over 99% of the populace and those people who do entertain me, well it’s rarely over a conversation. Hell’s For The Good Times I know so well.

Monday, January 13, 2020

Log 196 ~Hell’s For The Good Times~

Hundred And Nineteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and depending upon who you ask, Heaven and Hell are still on the table. Both were looking me in the face today “Saturday” it was a pretty decent storm. You know how I tell myself stories to get to sleep. Now those have been from Far Cry 5 for the past few weeks. Anyway, while I was driving, I imagined I was flying for the Resistance in Star Wars: The Last Jedi. There was also that scene in Star Trek Deep Space Nine when they pressed on to Cardassia Prime. What about Starship Troopers, flying one of their ships, and carrying groceries?

Let’s say being a Sci-Fi aficionado is one of my lesser sins. Okay, what I want to do with most of the leading ladies in those series is a one-way ticket to Hell. Heaven has never once shown me anything I want, or as the song goes, “peace of mind.” Sure, I want peace, especially these days. I keep telling myself I’m going to leave these young women alone, but I’m going crazy. Dennis Hof built his Heaven in an industry that most think would earn him Hell. If that’s the case, most of my heroes will be there. I was telling Indiana Gone yesterday. America excels at two things, meaningless sex and mindless violence. Everyone gets on me for the one, but hey, I can shoot all the cultists I want, along with a plethora of other crimes, Justice.

My Olds may speak of something different, but the church was never a good time. No, I’m not getting down on myself, only the facts. I still recall I got kicked off the Daystar Facebook page for talking about one of their girls. Okay, that’s more a story for Inspector Echo. Here’s a fact for right now, well I can’t tell you because again I don’t want to put that out into the universe. One sin, though, leads to such “restorative” pain. The point is, I want more because what does Heaven have to offer? Idle hands are the Devil’s instruments, but my hands are working right now. I want to build a Heaven that’s full of sin? Why not a Hell full of angels? In a minute I’ll say let’s return to the garden.

In the Garden of Eden, honey, I can’t stand boredom, Hell’s For The Good Times.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 189 ~What Was The Point There~

Point A to point B, but in some ways, the point of it all is to stand your ground no matter what, and so I did but why, how about asking why I play “Far Cry 5” an hour every day or what’s with my writing. What Was The Point There?

Monday, January 6, 2020

Log 189 ~What Was The Point There~

Hundred And Eighteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s it all for, you ask. The short answer, quoting Limp Bizkit “Nookie,” how about “Girls, Girls, Girls,” or she got me “So Hott.” The long story would be well “Be Not So Fearful.” FEAR is a big word. Now, of course, I could say “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” “If I Had $1,000,000,” and “Power.” Notice POWER is bigger than FEAR. Also, the fact that my Wi-Fi is playing games today, so the music is sporadic. On the positive side, I had to get-up.

Eric Thomas says to fall on your back; if you look up, you can get up. Why did I start listening to these motivations? Let’s stick with the question of what was the point. It happened by accident, the Nuffsed Intro. Even Spotify noticed I needed the boost. I’m sticking to my promise, my Will, but yes, the fact that I stood up against LP a few days ago. I did that because I refuse to have another person look down on me, again I’m looking up. I can’t ever be anything less than myself and what do I say every single day, I AM a Billionaire. That explains why I have a few girls chasing me now, Madam Justice. Why this morning, I was once again looking up, travel fares, and a hotel and casino resort. If it works for Alice Little well? Still, as Eric Thomas says, no jealousy, no envy but I’m sicker, faster, bigger, badder, no doubt.

Why, because this morning the fact is I can do my job, but I hate the people there. I do believe in the law of attraction, so as always avoiding the negative, I want a position where I don’t hate, fear, or mourn. I want POWER is beyond my reach. Let’s say “BBB” but also bullion, biology, etc. What about what I said to you know who the other day. She’s just a friend, but the old me wouldn’t have dared. New Year, I will be bold, brave, a bad boy for life, or who knows a good man. Funny no internet and suddenly let the pop culture references fly free. Last week was to show that I can and will endure. Whatever happens, I need only this question. Everything I do is towards my desire for Power, so What Was The Point There.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 182 ~Sometimes There’s No One There~

Last week I talked about moving, but the question remains where am I going and as for today, well other than making sure the dæmon and I are eating I haven’t gone far, because who else is there. Sometimes There’s No One There

Monday, December 30, 2019

Log 182 ~Sometimes There’s No One There~

Hundred And Seventeenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so more money for me and dæmon. Today, which is Sunday, there were plans for a great many things. The thing is, nobody is watching me except Big Brother and the next scam artist. Now that last potential model wasn’t pretending but talk about saying no. No, I didn’t get up on time today, no my dæmon didn’t get his walk. How about no, I won’t be correcting today’s blog. I did finish reading Snow Angel last night. Let me enjoy my negativity while it last. No more come the new year, that’s for sure, do it.

Yes, I did double up on the dæmon’s bathroom necessities. I got double the beef thanks to Walmart and their substitutions. Yes, I found out my math was off some in my savings, so thirty dollars set it straight. Anyway one of the points of today is again, nobody is watching me at all. Why do you think I work so hard at the Day Job? I’ll always be working there if I don’t get out of this bed and do something. I don’t mean telling you the latest actress that caught my eye, Classy Cassy. Once again, no more complaining about everything. The fact that no one is watching should give me the freedom to do anything. Only, of course, you know where this conversation is going. My motivations often talk about what do you do when no one is watching. Well, I slept, sleazed, and now I’m slouching here in bed another day.

Now that’s what saps the most energy out of me, the FEAR that everyone knows. I call myself an open book, but what would happen if I lived up to that. More importantly, what would I become if I took on my life? I tell myself that the fans are there, the females, the family that consists of this second of a sleepy fur baby by my side. Everybody else has given up, or they have me pegged for a role. Peggies, oh, that will come in handy in Far Cry 5. When’s the last time I went a day without talking about that game? If no one is watching, waiting, or wanting, it shouldn’t matter how fast I move. Oh, there’s the man in the mirror. I avoid him, and we both know why.

Sometimes There’s No One There.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 175 ~Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move~

Run boy run, as the song goes, running’s a victory because even then I’m getting somewhere and if you ask me where I’m going, well tomorrow is Christmas Eve after all and while I imagine roaring fires? “Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move”

Monday, December 23, 2019

Log 175 ~Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move~

Hundred And Sixteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t follow the money. The truth is I follow my purpose as my motivations point out. One more early day, another mention of Far Cry 5. I beat the first “level” last night. Holland Valley Region Liberated, meaning I can finally take a breather. Isn’t that the problem, breathing is never enough for me, and at the same time, it takes so much to do so. I mentioned motivation, and I read, you must be careful how you talk to yourself. That your body doesn’t know the difference, positive, negative.

What you say and do matters, and is that why I choose neither. The effort gets to be too much sometimes. Another one of those self-help titles talks about you only need to feel good. When I wake up like this, the truth is I’m exhausted, but I’m super after the conversation. It doesn’t matter if I have to take a shower or I get to go back to bed. I’m moving forward, Madam Justice. Whether it be words, women, or warfare, and then I have to wonder where I’m going. Here’s another question, am I being dragged, am I all Do or Do Not, am I digging holes? Each footstep digging a grave? I don’t mean to sound morbid, again, careful how I speak about myself. At this time of the year, shouldn’t I be happier, one of those dirty words right, Madam Justice?

I’m trying Madam Justice; I’m even reading another Christmas story. Snow Angel by Minx, that’s as festive as I’m going to get. One more thing, every little step I take, as the song goes, I’m told is wrong. People demand I grow up but don’t look to the stars. I was about to mention slugs, but again, language. Do you remember when I would call myself out for that when I was cursing? Should I say I have more in common with Reginald Barclay or Vincent Anton Freeman? Despite being easily forgotten or their failures, and many fears they kept going. Living in the darkness Madam Justice, if you’re moving, there is no wrong direction. It’s why like those XBOX commercials, I ask, do I step, or do I leap? Why do we fall? How about why I have no throne here as of yet?

I’ve got no time, Will’s Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 168 ~Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder~

I wonder, is my Mom be proud of me? My Day Job is nothing and how I wish to earn my bread well; in either case, I never feel like I’m working hard enough and she’s not getting any younger. Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder Will. Happy Birthday Mom

Monday, December 16, 2019

Log 168 ~Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder~

Hundred And Fifteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I should be, I know. Okay, before I begin, ha, I want to say Happy Birthday to my mom. If she ever read this blog well, better not to wish that at all. She doesn’t want to see the “man” her son has become. I’m not Martin Luther King Jr by any means, but I Have A Dream. Well, I did last night, which is quite easy to interpret. One more reason to laugh, I was going on a date with Sabrina Nichole and some other girl. Sabrina was “tethered” to me, and I was embarrassed, so I unhooked her, letting her run into the green.

It was a green mountain Madam Justice, thick and luscious. I don’t know about the other woman, but I kept my eyes on the prize of Sabrina. She was traveling through and made it to the top with ease. She is waiting for me and ain’t I the funny one today. Anyway I get stuck in the green, I’m not moving at all, I can’t climb up. I can’t resist, right myself to stand or even rest. This morning I’m still exhausted, but I got up a lot easier Madam Justice. Okay, what is the point of the dream, Higher, Further, Faster baby. You know what I can say about women but still “Family-Friendly.” I even changed the rule ever so slightly, but yeah, the truth is the truth. I could also quote Scarface to tell you what my dream means, but I’m not dreaming.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

I will admit yesterday was a setback, and I didn’t even have the heart to keep fighting for what I wanted. Madam Justice, I barely watch wrestling when it’s on TV, so why try stealing it by looking for streams. I could always pay, publish, or perchance do something else constructive, like reading. Playing works too as I advanced in Far Cry 5 last night. I finished The Widomaker and Valley Armed Convoy missions. Back to the point of today, though, to quote another movie. “If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention.” Here I am Madam Justice, way before “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life” I want it.

Rhyme or Crime, Fire and Desire, as the kids say, we want the smoke so, Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder.

I Will Have No Fear