Log 154 ~Heroes Die Or Must Watch~

Last week I talked about being hurt, you know who gets a lot of that, heroes unless you’re Superman maybe and at this stage in the game I’m far more Marvel than DC, that’s the truth, but I’m also no hero. Heroes Die Or Must Watch.

Monday, December 2, 2019

Log 154 ~Heroes Die Or Must Watch~

Hundred And Thirteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m no hero. Well, sure, I walked my Dæmon around a pretty big dog today. I might have stopped following people on Twitter because I want to be a better man. So what I had a big lunch today and I’m fighting off sleep. Madam Justice, I wouldn’t mind being the hero, but I’m not. Wasn’t I telling Cherry the other day about Climate Change and how people should worry and be fearful? What am I doing to save the Earth? How about a friend who’s hurting? I wouldn’t help merely out of the kindness of my heart, sad to say?

As one rule goes, Heroes Die. If that’s the case, I want to live. Yes, I heard what I said, and to be clear, I’m not a doctor either. I should stop talking about my ear before I end up like Left Ear from The Italian Job. We’ll get back to my love of movies later. One more thing I’m thinking about is charity. I’m sure you’ve heard me say it before, but I only give to animals and NaNoWriMo. Madam Justice, I will never understand why the least amongst us are always asked to pay. There are people with billions that don’t even pay taxes. One day I will stop repeating myself, but I told you before my aunt said I wanted to destroy the world. Why would I do anything like that, there’s no profit in that undertaking. I’m also not Ozymandias; Talk about a hero to villain.

Okay, so movies, name one where the world became a utopia? Heroes fight, but they will be fighting forever, leaving wars to their children. You know, depending on the circumstances, I can watch pain. I read the His Dark Materials series, and they talk about building the Republic of Heaven where they are. It’s no place else but here and now Madam Justice. I don’t want to destroy the world, but I don’t think I can save it either. How about one more movie, The Core. A scientist was trying to keep his family; only three people alive because it was too much to save everyone. You know I would die for my Dæmon no question but to give him and a family a future? Down With President Trump. Black Lives Matter, whatever Greta Thunberg goes on about but me?

Heroes Die Or Must Watch

I Will Have No Fear

Log 147 ~Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt~

Wouldn’t it be comical if it weren’t so sad that I could have finished my book going on two days now, but I treat “my life” as though it were a joke, well like my writing, and who am I hurting? Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt

Monday, November 25, 2019

Log 147 ~Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt~

Hundred And Twelfth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t accept being a clown. There was a period in my life well, yeah, I wanted to be a comedian. Why you might ask, comedians tell the truth. It could be because I was confronting one of my biggest fears. You can speak your story and avoid hurting people. Of course, you know, causing others pain is a mixed bag for me. For the sake of any “publicity” today. The whole truth and nothing but Madam Justice, I’ve always been the joke. It’s the difference between being Dr. Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster. People get confused.

You see, I laugh, but it’s like A&W trying to figure me out today. Tony Baker is hilarious, TWD Reactors bring me joy, my dæmon is a Riot Maker. I’m grateful that I felt some genuine giggles today. At the same time, I had to put on my joker’s masks to keep from crying. I hardly ever go back and read yesterday’s gripe, but I notice they are starting to sound the same. As if I’d hear it, my ear is acting up. I won’t put such ideas out into the universe again, but what did Connie say about a SUPERPOWER? I don’t like the sound of my voice, and my laughter is only another sound because I lack the right words. Take The “Wrist” Of Playing Chrono; for example. My words are supposed to mean something more, Madam Justice.

When I hear people’s laughter, nine out of ten times, it’s not a good thing. Lucy fools Charlie Brown all the time, and sure she finds it hilarious. Why can’t I ever remember her laughing at him when it comes to kicking footballs? People laugh at me to avoid telling the truth and sad to admit, but that makes me sound like them. How about the number of times we text LOL as some qualifying protection filter? One more way of saying “like,” and I’m sure I’ve said that somewhere throughout our time together. I almost forgot about my biggest pet peeve when it comes to laughter; the phrase “just kidding.” Ellen DeGeneres said anyone saying that after hurting someone else. Well, they don’t know how to kid. I’ve laughed at people, but the world is confusing, Family Guy Charlie.

The comedian’s dead, if I hurt people I’m honest too, Laughter Shouldn’t Have To Hurt.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

I’m a BOSS, well not yet, I’m an author, not that either, a family man, well does my dog count and the occasional call from my mother when I “mess up” and as far as anyone else? She Loves You Not Title, but what am I now

Monday, November 18, 2019

Log 140 ~She Loves You Not Title~

Hundred And Eleventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that shouldn’t matter, right? You know I’m not a prince, I could see myself shouting I’m King Of The World though. Between you and me, I know I’ll never be president. One of my motivations says, work hard, play hard, stay humble. When I get married, I still plan on dancing to that song, Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Now with all this out there, today I’m Will, and I’m still learning how that’s enough, it has to be Madam Justice.

You know every Sunday I say I’m going to be a better father but am I? My dæmon is eating, he’s warm and comfy, and takes his meds. Okay, so my father would throw money at his family, does that make him the “man of the year?” When it comes to my mom, I don’t have a clue what she thinks about me these days. It could be that I’m not much of a man because of Rockford. Sooner or later, I’ll finally write down the whole story of Indiana Gone’s wedding, not tonight, though. Yeah, momma, look at me, my significant accomplishments this evening? I wrote 1,200 words for the novel, I got Alpha in TWD, and I didn’t get fired. Speaking of which do you remember some time ago, I told you or one of the girls about Chris Pratt and Passengers. SIGH as the song goes, that’s how you know you messed up, still being somewhat polite.

Am I explaining what this has to do with today’s rule, if anything, honestly? I can be a lot of things to a particular woman, but one I refuse to be is a clown. Strange that I still buy into that quote from Marilyn Monroe about making a woman laugh. Look, I’ll even go the whole gold digger route because you know I want my money. Still, I said I was leaving that girl alone, and bam there is today. Yes, excuse me for always assuming the worst of people, and the jury is still out. I only wish I could be sure about people, but I’m not even sure about my kid. Women love illusion, but if you recall when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian. Is a girl laughing at my truths or at the joke I may portray?

She Loves You Not Title.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 133 ~Rage Can Kill, But Who~

I wrote a poem about RAGE once, but I think 28 Days Later, and the sequel said it so much the better than I ever could, but what I wouldn’t give for a beautiful apocalypse or how about the ability to utter NO. “Rage Can Kill, But Who?”

Monday, November 11, 2019

Log 133 ~Rage Can Kill, But Who~

Hundred And Tenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and is this the way wrong rule for today? Hell, I’m tempted to say it’s the perfect rule for today, that, of course, disqualifies me from posting some places. Even at this moment in time, I’m mad as Hell, and I know I’m going to be exhausted in the morning. Not because I’m letting NaNoWriMo down, I kicked ass there (LANGUAGE). Would I do better to list all the things I’m not mad at tonight? My dæmon, how about my work ethic, and not you Madam Justice.

First and foremost, I hate my Day Job, with the heat from a thousand suns. You wonder why I’m not published yet because that work is burning all the pages. Do I talk about how the Truck can be overwhelming, or more to the point those damn people (LANGUAGE)? What about the shower this morning? The things I come up with, and it wasn’t like I was even remotely horny. No, I made a conscious decision. I swear that scene from a particular anime movie I won’t name. Yeah, people already think I’m a psycho or worse. Cherry might like it, though. Speaking of which, FEAR, Madam Justice. I can’t talk to specific people because of such terror. I didn’t say what needed to be said at work today. NaNoWriMo is being held up because of the FEAR of losing my position, and you know I need the money now.

I can quote Yoda, you know, fear, anger, hate, suffering, but who am I hurting? You see what time it is, but I’m still up because I’m a man of my word. Okay, so I’m a clown now too because I can’t that with a straight face. Can I tell you all the stuff I wanted to say to my boss; how many times would I have to call myself out on language. Don’t even get me started on other employees. I want the world to go away, but again I’m not crazy or suicidal. Well, if I keep having nights like this, I won’t have to worry about it. I’ll drop dead. So I can’t indulge in my self-help phase. I haven’t gotten to play Far Cry 5 or Fallout 4 any and what about the state of the real country, no politics today. It’s Veterans Day; I’m Grateful.

Rage Can Kill But Who?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 126 ~Pillows Are Stronger Than Most~

Up against the wall mother, well no, back against the pillow, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon unless I get hungry enough, and right now it’s my stomach versus my head; try harder fridge. “Pillows Are Stronger Than Most”

Monday, November 4, 2019

Log 126 ~Pillows Are Stronger Than Most~

Hundred And Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but wiser words? Today’s rule is the perfect example because I had such plans for this afternoon. Like something out of 500 Days of Summer, the Expectations versus Reality scene. In that world, this conversation has come and gone, and I’m working on The “Wrist” Of Playing Chronos. I was even all fired up because of my Motivations. Madam Justice, to be honest, the Day Job is getting worse, but I was working pretty damn hard (LANGUAGE). Only I come back to the house and oh pillows.

I believe when I wrote Rule 109, I meant it more as a state of sadness. Considering what was on my mind in the shower, I would have every right to be Madam. Hell, cut me some slack. I didn’t even get three hours of uninterrupted shut-eye. Now, of course, I wish I could say it was worth it, the sacrifice. How’s NaNoWriMo going this month? Well, am I going to hit today’s goal before the end of tonight? What about the STUPID idea? (Shudders) About using a different letter of the alphabet for each chapter? Here take a look:

Chapter I Buttons, All Shapes and Sizes B
Chapter II Tight Type Of Time Management T
Chapter III Hands Across An American Girl H
Chapter IV Put Your Clothes On Chronos C
Chapter V Gears Looking At You Kid G

Whose Line Is It Anyway, Things you can say about and to your pillow but not your girlfriend? I suck at improv Madam Justice. Speaking of the things that I miss watching “His Dark Materials.” You know I barely watch wrestling as is, but I’m going to use that as an excuse to quit writing.

Madam Justice, I’m supposed to be writing about pillows right. Well, this is more Inspector’s Justice’s and Dirty Diana’s thing, but do you know what I once did with pillows? Did I throw away all that porn, hmm? Okay, let’s stay positive; pillows have held me up more than most people and are more readily available. My little dæmon, of course, is always on a quest for more comfy spots. You would think due to my constant naps; I would take better care shopping for pillows. My therapist, my temptations, and the better part of most days considering this moment?

People, Madam Justice, well no. What about my dreams, nightmares Pillows Are Stronger Than Most.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 119 ~Happiness Is Just Being Yourself~

Am I happy today, this second, nope, but I’m still glad; I’m finishing up today, there is food in the freezer, my kid is resting, TWD reactions are badass, and I’m not all horny, the thing is I believe. Happiness Is Just Being Yourself

Monday, October 28, 2019

Log 119 ~Happiness Is Just Being Yourself~

Hundred And Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but does that make me happy? Sometimes I like to think I’m different from other guys, and then I talk to Cherry or MILF Dos. How many mornings has it been where I’ll say I’ll do better? Well, it’s 5:00 PM, and I’m not reading but talking to you. I don’t mean that as an offense, but I should be elsewhere. Hell, I never thought I would make it this far. I hate that it bears repeating, but I’m not suicidal. Today’s lyrics would be, “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad,” true.

Take, for example, last night, SIGH; I broke my NO FAP rule. Call me crazy, anything but happy, but a woman saying, “I want you to feel me cum on your dick” (LANGUAGE). I know today isn’t Thursday, but that was my unfurling. Sometime this afternoon, I was talking to Cherry about old journals. You remember I wrote some hateful stuff once upon a time and got arrested, Juvenile Detention. Of course, the porno, which is the last journal I showed her, didn’t do me any favors. I might as well be like those guys that send “penis portraits.” I remember what I would write to the Basic Bitch “Skeevy” and even when I tried to be kind like to the Rainbow Girl. The cops have a point; I have the right to remain silent or not considering the company.

There is a song that says, “happiness is a warm gun” let’s not go down that road, though. Sex makes me happy, no doubt. You want me to be happy myself, books, brothels, and bucks. The only three B’s more vital to me belong to my Firstborn. How many times do I need to say it, I want to live the life of Dennis Hof. I could go through quite a few names, but wouldn’t they all be sex icons? My motivations though talk often enough of being happy this very moment. I would be satisfied if I weren’t checking my phone every second of the day. Now didn’t that start in September, perhaps? The thing is, worrying, obsessing, fearing, is all I am. So if these things don’t make me happy, then I don’t like myself wouldn’t you say?

I am trying like hell though Madam Justice, to be a man worthy of happiness. Happiness Is Just Being Yourself.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

A great man once said, if they want to crucify me I have the hammer and the nails, and me being a Scrooge and everything I don’t share, so I try not to hurt others but only myself yet I could myself a sadist ha. “Judge No One Improve Yourself,” I try

Monday, October 21, 2019

Log 112 ~Judge No One Improve Yourself~

Hundred And Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and other than exhaustion, I’ve semi-recovered. My sides have quit hurting, and my foot feels fine. Best news of all, my Firstborn is home where he belongs. I use the term HOME loosely. Where the heart is as “THEY” say, and I love my son like pancakes. Now pancakes sound pretty delicious even at 3:40 PM. I could use some real food, but of course, I’ve slept the day away. Okay, so that brings me to my point, which is an improvement in my sleeping, if anything.

The house is still a mess, and my inbox keeps piling up. If I were listening to Dale Carnegie, I would remember dealing with one thing at a time. I like you, Madam Justice, but I’m only now getting up to talk at all. I am listening to my kid more, but does that make me a better father? If anything, it is FEAR that makes me want to do anything to be better in any aspect of my life. Still, as the song goes, madness takes its toll. What about this morning. Why didn’t I take the highway this morning? Driving with my son in tow is dangerous enough. I don’t want to go back to the man I was Madam Justice. Last week was a plethora of self-improvement, mixed with possible death. You know I always want to become more than what I am; there’s no choice even.

Now, as for judging other people, I don’t. Yeah, I know what you’re saying, women. I like what I like, and I don’t hate looks. Yes, hate is wrong regardless, but people’s actions dictate that type of response. I was watching TWD last night, so take Negan, for example. Saved Judith, Dog, and Arron, but brutally murdered two people, more, and ignited a war. It almost resulted in a genocide. Negan must be held accountable for his crimes, but he can become better than his yesterdays. It’s the same as me in a way though I’ve never committed 90% of the sins people accuse and speak of Justice. No wonder I dream of becoming so great to make up for well everything. I am my own worst enemy Madam Justice.

I’m Scrooge, I’m selfish and shallow but remember Rule Thirteen? I won’t ask you not to judge, but for everyone, Judge No One Improve Yourself?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 105 ~Always Beware The Patient Woman~

If a woman ever asked me to get to the point, in my best Akon voice, I’d break out with, “You already know I want to…” (Language) yeah I know, but women have a lot more patience than I. “Always Beware The Patient Woman” plenty of fish in the sea

Monday, October 14, 2019

Log 105 ~Always Beware The Patient Woman~

Hundred And Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now though it took patience. Only that’s nothing compared to some woman out there waiting for me to come and find her one day. Does that make me sound somewhat creepy, stalkerish, and skeevy? I’ll end up blocked again? Hell, I had a funny thought at Chick-fil-A only this afternoon. You think my views on women are complicated; I’m confused about chicken places. Anyway, I got this idea that I only want to make a woman happy someday.

You remember, well, I can’t say her name either, but I sought God to be with her at one point. It’s the reason now I usually ignore holy roller women despite the sex appeal. I don’t have time to walk the line between Heaven and Hell. I’ve already made my decision, depending on your viewpoint. I think that’s where women get it wrong, believing a man can change. Dennis Hof would say something to the tune of, I gotta be me, two read-throughs, and the audiobook. He told women the truth, and I do as well; okay, let’s not talk about Pinterest. Sometimes it scares me to death and others it knows me too well. Still, I talk about running all over the place for a woman, married, about to be. One more giving her life to Christ SIGH. Could it be I’m only trying to find her sooner rather than later, dear Madam Justice?

I’ve said so many times I want to be someone worthy, and that never matters to women. Looking in the mirror this morning I still saw my messed up teeth and bloodshot eyes. You were waiting for me to come and talk to you this evening. I missed another model, or at least she’s not speaking to me, but I wasn’t so excited anyway. At some point this week I’ll have to face my mother. The Prodigal son, yeah what’s my age again, though my Alamo fund is nearly zero. One more woman doing anything to make her happy with my trip. Only What I wouldn’t give to have some pretty “Taylor Townsend” looking me up. Oh yeah, I’m making that so much harder thank you, Facebook. I’m hiding until I find the courage, coming out of my cage, ha.

I want her to come with me now. Well, okay enough music, don’t you think. Always Beware The Patient Woman.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 098 ~The Dead Don’t Need Sympathy~

Why should I worry, rather why should I die, if anything people will still be in tears but most laughing I find annoying and I could do with a bit of peace; ha I was about to say in my life. The Dead Don’t Need Sympathy

Monday, October 7, 2019

Log 098 ~The Dead Don’t Need Sympathy~

Hundred And Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still alive. Now I didn’t plan on writing this the day after The Walking Dead returned. Madam Justice, is there such a thing as fate? I didn’t plan on being alive this long, either. Why am I spoiling my good mood? I finished my first Audible book today. So I started listening to Dale Carnegie’s book. Am I worrying; I’m tired as all hell, but for the moment, I’m feeling glad. I guess feeling anything means well I’m still alive right?

When I’m at the Day Job I feel like I can’t breathe. My Firstborn has me rushing around, trying to catch my breath. Hell if I run my mouth at the Day Job, I fear I might overdose on the toxicity of my words. How about what Eric Thomas always says? Fall on your back, because if you can look up, you can get up. If I do sleep on my back it’s because I have work in the morning. Speaking of which, wasn’t I down on my belly kissing the boss’s shoes? If I’m not losing myself to weakness, how about horniness, Xev Bellringer? Okay, I said I’m not suicidal, but that’s okay because people kill me all the time. I don’t expect tears unless I make people laugh so hard. Of course, they’re people who think they can speak for me all the time. Those people, well damn, I don’t choose, I obey.

Madam Justice, there was a time in my life that I thought death was freedom. You know me and my music; as Tupac rapped, “we jump into another form of slavery.” For me that’s Depression and something’s leaking; blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids. Now like I said I don’t expect tears, and this dead man doesn’t need them. You know I never kill myself in any of my stories either. I could be like one of those zombies that need BRAINS! If anything you know I hunger for flesh. I got a sixth sense for that, Girls, Girls, Girls. The truth is I want to live, but I get sympathy there too. Does it sound “deep,” while I’m burying myself to say the dead need peace? I guess I’m a greedy so and so Justice. I’m no Walker though sitting here in my bed.

No more tears for today. The Dead Don’t Need Sympathy.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 091 ~Curiosity Almost Kills You, Almost~

Almost doesn’t count, what about school, the things I didn’t want to learn I barely got by; if I so much as said “hi” that was a threat the way some tell it, so I had to stick to shadows which made it worse still. “Curiosity Almost Kills You, Almost”

Monday, September 30, 2019

Log 091 ~Curiosity Almost Kills You, Almost~

Hundred And Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and also a time traveler. Yes, here we go again trying to stay ahead of the game. You know I say that, but I haven’t played Heavy Rain in about a month. Now you think I would be curious about how it ends; as if I don’t know. First off I don’t get interested, I get paranoid. Secondly my curiosity. Maybe any sign of interest is usually mistaken for something more sinister. Take, for example, my new page looking for models. A woman signs up she’s interested and then not, file deleted.

How about that time I got a hacking notice while hard tagging shoes? Hell, I was panicking calling the phone company about nothing. I mentioned modeling, and you’ve seen what a pretty girl does to me Madam Justice. I am proud to say that half of what I’ve written down today is pretty positive. The rest is from YouTube to TeenStarlet, and Xvideos. On top of my social anxiety and bipolar disorder, I could add ADHD. What, so I’m a doctor now; yeah I checked out WebMD? Now I could be too plugged into everything. I’m bound to get into trouble someday. I focus on three things Writing, Women, and Warfare, in nearly everything. Of course, you’ve seen my writing is going nowhere, and I don’t like hurting people. Well, outside of the bedroom, sadist and all so yes women.

I’m a massive fan of horror movies. In Log 90, I talked about zombies which are my favorites. Next would be the Saw franchise; I would be so dead. Any way you look at Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers, they don’t scare me. It’s never the scars, masks, or the weapons but what lies underneath. I look at my son, and he doesn’t hide a thing on his face. It’s when you keep digging, knowing he’s sick. Wanting to know anything is the worse type of torture and when you make the discovery? It’s why I should stick to porn hmm because I know plenty of pretty girls. The thing is contrary to my blog and every aspect of life I don’t want to hide. Doesn’t that make me a killer though because when you’re curious you’re alive? Hell, I should put that on my resume; a gravedigger, yep creepy right?

Digging holes but never filling, Curiosity Almost Kills You, Almost.

I Will Have No Fear