Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

The first Monday of the new year. Same job, redundant emotions. And with my “Republican Tendencies” leftover feelings of hate for humankind. It took me a while to calm down after my cray day. Good thing I started this Sunday. Panic Does Not Serve You

Monday, January 04, 2021

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

Hundred And Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and in other things, I wish I knew. How about being scared to death. I’m terrified, now seeing how I’m coming on or off (with time) another lousy shift. It’s still Sunday, but speaking to Lady Lu, I wanted to take my son to the vet. As I told the Man in the Mirror, it was a night of puppy cries and puke in my bed. He’s had some good hours, no vomit, no cries. Making up for lost time. It seems Madam Justice this year has started off with confessions and another. I saved some money.

Do you remember when I was pissed at Serra Hyundai about wanting another $500? Hell, I still am, but as I was driving away after saying no, I was frightened. Spent the whole ride listening to “Sixteen Tons,” “Working in a Coal Mine,” and “We Will Go Home” for real. Speaking of which, the “Song of Exile.”It’s at the forefront of my mind whenever I head to the Day Job. I carry a plastic bag and a Sprite in my backpack. Yes, I might puke when I get out of the car to start the day. Even now, I’m shaking knowing the coming week. Right this second, I panicked when a friend was a bit upset with me about my views on Trump. I know Madam Justice, it didn’t take long, and here we are, day three or four into the brand New Year SIGH.

Speaking of “Republican Tendencies,” why is it again that I feel that money will solve my problems. Because I would be “Takin’ Care of Business.” I hear my first playlist this year. It doesn’t change the fact with the right amount of money, well who knows, hmm. I do. Last night while fighting addiction, I thought, would “Capital A” forgive me for wanting? Well, what a boy wants. With enough, I would make Target, Serra Hyundai, and the “Day Job” AHEM “quake with fear” or panic. Maybe funding other businesses. How about my panic? What’s the cure there? Again something I can’s share and can’t do anymore but twenty minutes, where am I, in bed. There’s also my Anger and Rage. Please don’t make me quote Yoda. Nowadays, I’m focused on how old I am.

Time is on my side, well no, so yeah, yikes… Panic Does Not Serve You.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

I’m sensing a pattern when it comes to my body these rules. Today is more like what I allow into my mind, heart, and soul. I do plenty to protect my eyes, and I always have my earphones in, and why is that. “Don’t Be Fated To Lies,” I can’t hear you.

Monday, December 28, 2020

Gospel 180 ~Don’t Be Fated To Lies~

Hundred And Sixty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s not a lie. In a way, I look at it as having less than $20.00 in the bank. The money is there, only I can’t access it yet. I could tell you what’s in my closet right now. Let’s say that I’m missing a few essential parts; that’s all, ha. However, I have never been one for the philosophy of AHEM, “Fake it till you make it.” On the other side of the coin, why believe that I’m doomed when it comes to going to work? Worse is walking around like Faith Seed. “I know you’ve heard stories about me.”

As always (sigh), I want to apologize for being so down, but that’s the thing. The new year is almost here, and for right now, there’s no story to tell. Now I could say that’s because of time-travel. It’s still the 27th… this week will be hard. My parents didn’t tell stories. To be fair, I would choose nothingness over the things they say at the Day Job. Say it with me, Madam Justice “Humiliations Galore.” How many fights have I had with one of my managers “silently.” Will didn’t say that. Now he wishes you would shut the fuck-up. My little Dæmon sits here without a word, yet I know I could be a better dad. So what I carry him downstairs. I pay for his heart medication, and he convinced me to give him hot dogs along with treats. He sleeps in my bed nightly. Yeah, I’m a pretty crappy father, aren’t I?

I won’t lie to you, Madam Justice. “Lies of Omission?” Okay, yes, but the things that make me feel Muy Bueno, like a million bucks or even blissful. Remind me to shop Amazon for a new outfit. Anyway, those things people say are BAD. Those people, I believe, are liars. At least that’s what I want to speak. With my OLDS, I want to say that I do exist. They would fire back, “yeah, your name is on these bills.” I sound like an ungrateful bastard, don’t I? Pardon my French this afternoon. More importantly, pardon their lies about me. I should now have this conversation with the man in the mirror. His lies are the hardest because he goes out and listens to everyone. The Devil Is A Lie. Don’t Be Fated To Lies.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 173 ~No Names For Potential Food~

Last week, it’s what I was keeping in my body, and this week it’s about what I won’t put in. No, I’m not talking about the “vaccine” like I could get a hold of it, and would I want to? More like why I don’t name farm life. No Names For Potential Food

Monday, December 21, 2020

Gospel 173 ~No Names For Potential Food~

Hundred And Sixty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I would do what I can to save animals. Now you should know I’m no vegan or even vegetarian. At the same time, I can’t stand hunters. That is unless we’re talking about “The Most Dangerous Game.” Is that sad? How can I talk about hunting people in the process of killing them? Anyway, that’s an interesting story for another time. Today I want to talk about how I won’t say no to a chicken sandwich. I should have got some bacon yesterday. And how I won’t eat my dog.

Wow, that got sort of dark fast. So when I came up with this rule, I was thinking about the animals. I’ve never had any inclinations of owning a farm though I know Indiana Gone wants to. I see cows and chickens, and I want a sandwich. Clydesdales… yeah, beer. Can’t say I’m a drinker, though. Budweiser was smart to put something cute in its ads. Same with Coca-Cola. Who can forget all those Sarah McLachlan ads? This month has been about Christmas, but the novel “Where The Red Fern Grows” oh God chokes up. My Dæmon, though, sold me on life itself. Why don’t I ever mention his name and I’m sure I have back in the beginning. He’s kept me alive, and even if I was starving… People say it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. Always with my firstborn son.

Women are people Will, women are people. Now I know that, of course. I’m also trying so hard to keep my “promise” of how I talk to you and the rest of the girls… sorry, Dirty Diana. My point is, Madam Justice, I can’t be typical with the Beautiful Stranger. Women have lives, and maybe that’s why I fight my addiction the way that I do. The body can be full, but the heart, soul, and mind are empty. It’s sort of the same as writing. You prepare a feast, and then you’re left wanting, and worse, nobody eats anything. Interesting epiphany, yeah? I should wake up early more often. So I start giving names and faces to feel something, anything. And then I either starve myself or bite and leave myself still so unsatisfied.

Maybe I’m hungry, more BBQ? What’s in me or others? No Names For Potential Food.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 166 ~No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise~

I’m not a big drinker, but that goes for alcohol, and I don’t know, um, water. I’ve had two sodas, and it’s ink, not coffee, that’s keeping me awake. Digital ink like virtual blood because this body is tapped out. “No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise.”

Monday, December 14, 2020

Gospel 166 ~No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise~

Hundred And Sixty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and truth be told, you know what I was thinking about with this rule. So I’m trying to keep my hands busy with lunch and wiping the “sleep” from my eyes. I could be in bed sweating away unconscious, but I’m trying. Somehow I even woke up early this morning to have a bit of joy. At the very least, I’m feeling glad that I got my reading out of the way. But what I mean is, books are intended to soothe? Baby, It’s Cold Outside, as the song goes. The sound of rain helps me sleep.

These days I’m more into virtual blood, either from the dead or cult. Today I got back into my motivations, and Eric Thomas talked about routine. One more reason I should hurry on along. At 5:00 PM, I got zombies. Oh, and at 6:00 PM, there’s Project at Eden’s Gate. Spitting into the wind and daring to call it progress. Doesn’t make me different than anyone else that has decided to spit on me. At least with masks, it makes it so much harder to do. Haven’t I mentioned before how much I’m loving masks?

I shouldn’t say things like that. Considering how many people are crying over Coronavirus (COVID-19). I’m trying to keep a lot to myself these days or again just spitting out whatever’s been said in years past. Such damning overwhelming secrets. Interesting, but what about tears of joy or finding something funny. Again one more reason I should be sleeping right now to give the world a chance to amuse me. Good luck with that, right? More like I don’t want to give this world one more damn thing for sure.

Makes me think about All Out War from The Walking Dead. Bullets and blood and have you taken a good look at the world lately. Game Of Thrones, Fire, and Blood, but I am trying so hard to stay on the right side of things. Well left… the Electoral College. Surprisingly there are a plethora of bodily fluids, and that might be a bit TMI. Hell, if anything, you know that I’m Toxic, which isn’t right. Poison, Venom, I Heard It Through The Grapevine. For the love of everything, stop me from spilling and overflowing.

Ink should be the only thing that matters to me. No Drops, Tears, Blood, Otherwise.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 159 ~Everything, Everyone Has A Price~

As the song goes, AHEM, if you pay the right price, your evening will be nice, and you can go or send me on my way. Not exactly the career for me but for others, well, I’ll just leave it there. “Everything, Everyone Has A Price,” and I’m pretty cheap

Monday, December 7, 2020

Gospel 159 ~Everything, Everyone Has A Price~

Hundred And Sixty-Five Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that enough? Every other day I tell you and the other girls that I’m adopting Republican policies. I guess I’m getting the failures out of the way, if anything. If you don’t believe me, you should have watched my gaming. Do I need to talk about Far Cry 5 right now? Well, it’s how I get to bed and seeing as how I’ll be exhausted in the morning regardless… So you get $1,000 (in-game) for taking outpost undetected. I failed to do that, so he who fights and runs away?

Anyway, I believe that everyone has a price, in my opinion. It doesn’t have to be monetary per se. Find what a person wants and what they are willing to do to get it. Tonight I have been wracking my brain to figure out mine. Madam Justice, SIGH, I’m NOTHING. Disturbing, isn’t it. Let’s start with something small, like my Dæmon. I’ve had offers from $500 to $900 for him. I’m not a bad parent, I suppose. That’s not the point, regardless. If anything, I’m destroying my argument entirely because I swear my CHILD’S priceless. Okay, so how about how I want to spend my life. You understand I can’t say if I want to stay on the up and up for some reason. However, I have respect, and at the same time, how much money have I spent, you think, over the years?

You’re not Inspector Echo, but I have a confession to make. I guess from reading all those Christian books years ago. Only what I was reading before Christmastime? I once thought about selling my soul to the Devil. Hell, if you could guarantee everything I desire… You’re asking what stopped me? Well, I have to disagree with Spotify as I am not a “Sucker For Pain,” at least not mine. Someone said we have “blood to spare,” and that’s another thing. How much blood have I shed at the Day Job? How much having a shave? So again, how much am I worth? When I go in, what am I working for, around ten bucks an hour? I spent a month on NaNoWriMo, excuse me, four years, and have I published a single book? What do I want for my life?

Again with Spotify AHEM Love and Happiness… for this man? Everything, Everyone Has A Price.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 152 ~Listen And Silent, Same Letters~

I want to listen to all those who won NaNoWriMo 2020. I need to silence the voices going off in my head that it was a complete waste of time. What about my second BFF that asks have I published a book yet. “Listen And Silent, Same Letters.”

Monday, November 30, 2020

Gospel 152 ~Listen And Silent, Same Letters~

Hundred And Sixty-Four Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I believe it’s because I listen and learn. Of course, that’s when I’m not being lazy. Now before I go off flying headfirst into my depression, let’s start with good news. I finished NaNoWriMo today with Sinning The Cherry On Top. According to NaNoWriMo, this is my fourth victory in the annual event, so how do I feel? Okay, bring on the depression. My hands smell like hotdogs. Of course, I have my Dæmon and my laziness to thank for that. Oh, my ending goes nowhere.

Now, this is the time I should practice with SILENCE. Madam Justice, I was about to ask this question. What does it take to shut-up the voices in my head? I’m not a big drinker, and another addiction had me ruin my Six Impossible Things. My characters are done now. I would say that a goodnight’s sleep would help. Even tonight, however, I’m going to be in bed late. What are the odds I can get to bed before midnight? Not that I haven’t spent most of the day in bed already. Hell, that’s where I finished NaNoWriMo, around six. Well, I have time for a new addiction, and you know I’ve been jonesing to get back into an old one. Every night I usually go to bed telling myself stories from Far Cry 5. When I play games. I could have the meanest gun in all of creation, I’m still quiet. Um, M60 much?

I bring to your attention two phrases… “Knowledge Is Power” and “Silence Is Golden.” Now, don’t I sound educated? I dropped out of college COUGH junior college. Don’t get me wrong, I respect education. The thing is, um, I’m always listening for things I want. Yeah, one more of those reasons that make me sound like a Trump supporter. I liked hearing Indiana Gone’s voice. I’m reading Eric Vall. Well, NaNoWriMo said congratulations on the victory. However, they extend that to everyone. I’m not special. Remind me to go ahead and shop for one of their shirts before the end of the night since I will be up. It wasn’t like I was listening to any of my motivations for this NaNoWriMo event either. Yeah, I finished here on the last day. What’s the point?

Am I the strong silent type? Don’t I wish, ha? Listen And Silent, Same Letters

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

It’s written, speak of the Devil, and he’ll appear because God knows I ain’t loving anybody today that doesn’t have four legs and barks. I’d say I want to be a better man, but no, I’m Silas. Thanks, World Beyond. “God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love”

Monday, November 23, 2020

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

Hundred And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but today I’m not in the mood for this rule. If anything, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is for my Dæmon, and he’s right up against my thigh. So I guess I get why he always wants to cuddle because the moment he gives me space… Today though, as the song goes by Get Set Go AHEM “I Hate Everyone.” I swear to Christ all I felt today is Fury, Rage, Wrath… Why didn’t Divergent have a faction for people like me? If it’s any consolation, I’m angry with myself, so yeah, we can burn.

Now I know my week is going to suck, but yesterday, The Walking Dead World Beyond… Jesus. Well, you can see by the title. I must have been in a somewhat religious mood with this rule. Anyway, do you remember I said that everything I enjoy is biting my behind? So last night’s episode hit a little too close to home. Long story short, I am Silas. Quote a song about it, so here it go, “Everybody know I’m a motherfucking monster” pardon my French. Then we have an obsession with Iris from Silas. And finally, all his “Dad Issues.” Dammit, Madam Justice, I’m on the verge of writing a third book about some girl. I don’t want to say her name now because it makes me sick to think about my trash. I hate my “Father,” but I’m still here, a grown-ass man living off his cash right now.

Is that not unconditional love? I’m not suicidal, I keep telling myself, but right now, I’m in a dark place. Much like Silas, I’m somewhere in-between letting the dead take me. On the other hand, I really want to hit something. My fists were balled all day—God, such hate. If I could, I’d apologize for my terrible novel. I’m going to finish it, but I hate it more with each passing day. Nobody will ever read it, but yeah, this is a job that must get done, even if I become public enemy number one. Yes, Madam Justice, that is from another rap song. What, it’s not like I can tell you about the book series I’m liking, not loving, I ain’t Jacob. Now that guy has unconditional love but also unlimited power, ha. Rule 19 Love Is A Great Power but unconditionally… divinity.

God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 138 ~Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab~

As Master Yoda put it, do or do not, there is no try. The legendary Sean Connery talked about losers “trying their best,” and I won’t say anything about a prom queen. Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab. Can somebody tell my fur-baby, but not his fault.

Monday, November 16, 2020

Gospel 138 ~Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab~

Hundred And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I were a doer. How I wish I could tell you I’m a doer right now, Madam Justice. I did read one of Eric Vall’s books. Another 15% is done. Before I came to talk to you today, I wrote 1900 words for NaNoWriMo. While I still haven’t caught up, I’m on par, and what’s the magic word today? I’m TRYING. Let’s not even discuss addictive behaviors; the things I had to do to get today’s writing done. Besides, canceling wrestling tonight.

I can’t say I was in the mood tonight, considering I read the Day Job’s schedule. Yeah, you know anger is surpasses “almost” every other emotion. Don’t get me started on Six Impossible Things, either. Again, I TRY and play by the rules, and what does it get me. Dammit, I do blame myself that I didn’t make the bed this morning, and so I climbed right back in. What about trying to give my Dæmon his meds today. Now that is a job that must get done, I heard in a song once. Only he is trying my patience. Yeah, didn’t make the bed. Let me get back into the Day Job, though. As always, I continue with humiliations galore, being something that I’m not. I’m not moving forward; I am running for my life from life. The novels I read and shows I watch are wrecking me daily.

At this point, there is not one thing in my life that I’m both liking and doing well. TRYING, though, even if it’s something like not being addicted to failure. For what successes I had today? I woke up bright and early, shut off my alarm, and jumped right back into bed. What the Hell am I DOING in my life? That’s a massive question. M. Anime texted me, but I still haven’t gotten through all her audio files. Meanwhile, the spam keeps flowing. I wonder how much I’ll find when I get around to posting this at what. 11:00? Now that’s being optimistic. If anything, I excel at DOING nothing, which makes me sound a lot like Ralph Wiggum, “That’s where I’m a Viking.” Speaking of Vikings, I always waste money on everything. Yep, games, and other “miscellaneous” activities.

But writing tonight, Madam Justice, do I feel any better? Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 131 ~Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure~

I’m the boss of a fur-baby, I say, as I open the door; how many times? I’m not the father of the year, hell as a guy in general, I’m alright. For him and I, and whatever woman shows up, I want everything. Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure, right

Monday, November 9, 2020

Gospel 131 ~Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure~

Hundred And Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I want more. Only who am I these days, to go talking about, let alone doing anything to go get it. I work for my Dæmon so that he can have a better life… Oh, so that’s why I left the Day Job early. How about a nap for a while?
You know that I want to be a good man Madam Justice. I’m not talking about “God, family, football,” you have The Best Man Holiday (2013) to thank for that. To be honest, Madam Justice, I am still trying to find the three elements that shape me as a man.

What I know is that everyone I see in any position of power has to hurt someone. Seems the wealthy live in a maddening state of damage control. They believe that in the end, their righteousness outweighs the evil. It’s one of many reasons they always cling to faith. In a world of things, I can’t stand, and indeed there are many. These two words, AHEM, the “Greater Good,” infuriate me. I’ll put them on the um, hated words list if I remember… like the rest of my terms. Biden and Harris are the Greater Good. I’m glad for the victory. They knocked out a Devil that would do me harm for an evil that might benefit me. I voted for my benefit even if it could do others harm “Snowflake Trumptards.” Only I won’t pretend they’re the Second Coming.

I was reading A.J. Markam’s novel today, the fourth one in a series. Anyway, so you got Ian the Warlock right and his former demon Dorp. They were arguing about him using people. He does good things ultimately to the benefit of himself. Lacking Abnegation? Yeah, Madam Justice, I can’t talk about the book I’m reading. But let’s throw in Veronica Roth’s “Divergent,” get it because of the Abnegation reference. Abnegation was the ruling faction, and you know how that turned out for them. Now, what faction would I choose? Dauntless, of course, was the bravest and the strongest. Erudite Madam Justice, the smartest, the cruelest, the ones that took Chicago hmm. Funny how my 161st rule ties in with the 13th, “Power Is All That Matters.” Madam Justice, I want to rule my life.

I could go on from The Factionless to Captain America…

Greatest Rulers, Warriors, Aren’t Pure.

“You two just don’t see it. Everywhere he goes, he uses people. And sometimes he uses them to help other people, but ultimately it’s all to help himself. He wouldn’t help you, succubus, if he didn’t find you so beautiful. He sure didn’t help me.”

“I do use other people. I try not to, and I try to help others out, but I fuck up sometimes. And I fucked up royally with you. I’m sorry. I know that’s not good enough – I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me – but I wanted you to know. If you want to leave now, you can.” ― A.J. Markam

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 124 ~Build Bridges And Not Barriers~

I’m swimming in words at the moment, and YouTube is one giant barrier. Not what I was thinking about in this rule. Ok, with “NaNoWriMo” starting, though. How best to stay connected with people and then again not. “Build Bridges And Not Barriers”

Monday, November 2, 2020

Gospel 124 ~Build Bridges And Not Barriers~

Hundred And Sixty Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I can pay other people to be architects. Now you know what I want to build and how I believe people are connected. Of course, today isn’t Thursday; it ain’t even Monday. Welcome to the beautiful world of Time Travel Justice.
I can do even better; the first day of NaNoWriMo. Hell, if I did have the money I crave, I would damn well be putting some walls up. Speaking of the Republican tendencies, I square with sometimes. Let’s get to the most essential thing… VOTE.

Being an African American man, Madam Justice, I don’t tend to get along with my “kind.” If I was part of the 1%, I’m sure I would lie, cheat, steal, and kill like Trump. Sadly, I connect with black people more in death than life. Only that’s my bridge to know them, to Stay Alive. Some few days ago, yes, I was texting M. Anime and, in my roundabout way, trying to explain people helping others. As my mind works, three movies come to mind… The Core, Snow Day, and First Knight. If I haven’t said it before, R.I.P. Sean Connery, King Arthur. In The Core, Serge explains that saving seven billion lives is too much, but he could save three. In Snow Day, the teens say love is finding someone you can stand to be around for ten minutes at a time ha. God makes us strong for a while, so we can help each other. Now that’s beautiful.

That was First Knight, by the way, spoken by King Arthur, and my point is this. People have spent years, if not eternity, devising ways to keep people back. Yes, including death. Only God Knows Why this has become the crux of my existence. Well, not with the Imp, I know. Probably because he doesn’t talk, and here we have one more reason I am a writer. I want to know some people, I want to help, and at the same time, as the song goes, I Stand Alone. Yep um, less hermit and more Royal Castle. Ok, so thanks, Lords of the Realm 2 ha. However, today, it should be more about connecting with my characters. And blocking out everything else in this world. So should the rule change? To be like M. Anime and believe in people. To Build Bridges And Not Barriers.

I Will Have No Fear