Meditation 152 ~Virgil, Let’s B Friends~

How to Win Friends & Influence People this is not. I was more of a How to Stop Worrying and Start Living type of person. And am I doing any of that? Well, Braxton’s honorary aunt is visiting today. Hey Virgil, pick up a broom. Virgil, Let’s B Friends

Saturday, November 30, 2024

Meditation 152 ~Virgil, Let’s B Friends~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And how many times have I said it, “I’m an equal opportunity misanthropist,” But Lady Lunalesca…

You know, in REALITY, I hate myself. Or at least I’m not feeling very good about myself right now. There is so much to do and so little time. The effing battle cry that took Braxton away. I was too busy with “spears and shields” and “prepare for battle,” Lunalesca.

Lunalesca, in anything and everything I would do, B III would be right here. Indifferent, he was not. We were brothers in arms forged in fear of my father, in finding reasons to keep fighting the world and effing Yabbos. But how did Braxton and I find each other? I found him in the “Maker’s Hand.” He found me when he was long forgotten, Lu.

How to Win Friends & Influence People, indeed Lady Lunalesca.

I can’t believe I thought I read that. And speaking of my disappointment when it comes to books… Today, I’m going to fail to finish a book for tomorrow. Well, yes and no. I intend on winning NaNoWriMo. It’s the last day. But I won’t finish reading a book on loss. Or begin reading a book about the dystopia we’re about to live in. Seriously…

MSNBC ain’t no friend of mine. Morning Joe… Joe and Mika. Oh, and the stripper likes me too. Or what about God’s Favorite Princess, Women from the WWE, OnlyFans girls, models, girls from H anime, and those artists I pay for their AI creations? And how about the creations themselves? Where are my real friends? Like Virgil? Lunalesca, I’m me.

And “me” is about to host Braxton’s honorary aunt, and everything is still a meshiver. Mooning away at Cherry’s Yabbos isn’t helping. And I didn’t even wish M Anime a Happy Thanksgiving. And writing a tale worse than a Bukkake scene doesn’t win friends, Lunalesca.

I’m surprised Cherry is still talking to me. M Anime knows I’m writing. And I met Braxton’s honorary aunt through my writing. All my friends of the female persuasion, ha.

So is writing my wingman? It’s a Scrub, and Braxton was way better, though. Don’t I constantly say I didn’t get any because, like his Daddy, Braxton is/was a misanthropist.

Lunalesca, at 40, how will I make any more friends? The problem? It’s me. And yet… Virgil, Let’s B Friends.

1399 Days Without B III, Day 840 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 151 ~B Angry Little V~

“It’s effing okay to be nice!” B’s honorary aunt is coming over. V is burning a hole in the side of my leg. I kept my Day Job after Black Friday’s humiliations. Nice scares me. It killed B. Um, Indifference? But that was being nice. B Angry Little V.

Friday, November 29, 2024

Meditation 151 ~B Angry Little V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But once again, dear one. “It’s been a big day. I’m a little tired.” And more?

Whether I want them to or not, my sons take after me. Braxton is angry and scared. Or he was when he first met his aunt. Virgil is tired and terrified. And tomorrow, Lady Sophia…

Well, Virgil will be meeting his honorary aunt for the first time. We’ll get there… However, I want to talk about what happened earlier today. I’m feeling a bit unsure. Was I brave? Have I become a billionaire yet? Did I live in a way that made my Braxton proud? Do you see the time?

Anger takes a lot out of you, Sophia. If Braxton were here, I would have woken up long before now. No! I’m not mad at Virgil doing his part, though my leg is burning, Sophia.

What did Dante tell Virgil?

“You get off my back! You think I want this?! It just happened!” What, watching “Papa’s Got a Brand-New Excuse?” Or how I’ve been thinking the whole day; we need a new plague. Black Friday has never been a fun time. And I’ve been so fearful today and humiliated so many times that I’ve been grasping at anything and everything to make me mad. “Anger is more useful than despair.” My apologies, dear Lady Sophia… For the truth? Or for quoting movies and TV. You must remember the movie nights I would share with Braxton and his honorary aunt. I need to find something for us to watch tomorrow. Hmm.

And that’s another reason I’m angry. The house is a broken mess. There’s too much…

Like tonight? I’m talking to you at 6:30 in the evening. Hell! Even my “arousal” for the PIB sisters wasn’t enough to keep me awake. Oh, and I incorporated them into my story along with others. Because I’m that much of a CREEP. I need people to hate me, Sophia.

There is too much hatred for one man to possess. Anger, at least. Bruce Banner has The Hulk. Trump has MAGA. And currently, I have writing. But I don’t hate Virgil. No, not ever! I don’t hate you, Lady Sophia. I don’t hate the people in “my” novel. If anything, you know who I hate. The guy who downed an energy shot and is about to taste, more like regurgitate the rainbow. Better out than in. B Angry Little V.

1398 Days Without B III, Day 839 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 145 ~The Braxton Fandom, Virgil~

Less is more, right? People would rather I was crying about B or complaining than V and I aren’t close rather than, well… Stealing scenes from Bible Black, Hisato Azuma, or Femme Fatales “Family Business.” My fandoms. The Braxton Fandom, Virgil.

Saturday, November 23, 2024

Meditation 145 ~The Braxton Fandom, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… No, I’m not the next president of the United States. But I’m surrounded by STUPID people.

Or so I was yesterday. And yes, Lady Lunalesca, I have looked in the mirror lately. However crying over Braxton doesn’t have my eyes all puffy. Instead, I’ve been sweating, working on Nightmare At The Meat Market. I’ve been a fan of my novel more than Braxton or Virgil. Sigh…

Chapter Sixteen: Prices Burst… Inside Of Me
Richard Thornfield whores out Sofía. The customers and girls align themselves with William. William and Sofía have sex.

  1. Told from Sofía’s POV. Sofía is forced to watch William’s sexual exploits on video by Richard Thornfield to try and break thoughts of friendship.
  2. Richard Thornfield keeps the secret that it is William who is creating the scenarios in which Sofía is used. Sofía continues to trust William.
  3. Sofía takes part in a lesbian orgy scene involving women pretending they’re witches. Some of the women are BLANK, her mother, and her sister.
  4. Several of the women, while having sex, whisper secrets to Sofía that William has a plan. Richard, sensing something, decides to take Sofía sexually.
  5. Sofía is paraded through an office building as she was during her night at the hotel. Clients have sex with Sofía but relay demands.
  6. Sofía tells William what the clients demand as he watches from the shadows and agrees with SOME of their demands. William continues escorting Sofía.
  7. William has an orgy at his home with some of the girls, including BLANK. During this, he finalizes his plan. Sofía watches it livestreamed.
  8. Sofía arrives at William’s home and sees him with BLANK again. BLANK leaves. Sofía confesses her fears to William. But wants to make love.
  9. William pulls out a remote, and Sofía runs into his arms, knowing that Richard Thornfield and Cherry can see them. William pushes the remote.
  10. William and Sofía make love after William fries all of the hidden cameras. But no one shows up to stop them from having sex.
  11. Sofía kisses William goodbye in the morning and returns to Max-Mart, knowing she’ll be punished but not caring as the guards touch her body.
  12. Cherry calls Sofía stupid for what she did with William. Cherry tells her someone worse than Richard Thornfield will attend tonight’s party and show.

Rather… The Braxton Fandom, Virgil
1392 Days Without B III, Day 833 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 144 ~Closer Than B, Virgil~

WARNING: 18+ For elements and the outline of the novel I’m writing. What’s one more day of being lazy? Well, I did make the outline bigger. It’s 600 words. But as the song goes, “And I don’t wanna miss a thing.” 40 years? 15? 4? Closer Than B, Virgil

Friday, November 22, 2024

Meditation 144 ~Closer Than B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But not today. I should finish “my” novel by the end of the month. Good Luck!

Braxton willing. Because I don’t believe in God anymore. He, She, They, or It didn’t save my firstborn son. And Virgil? He’s been closer lately, as I have been burnt out with writing. The Smiths tune inspired today’s fifteenth chapter, Please Let Me Get What I Want. And by another song, Pistolgrip-Pump by Volume 10.

Chapter Fifteen: What I Pump This Time
Cherry prepares to be of service to Richard Thornfield, William, and Antonio. But plans to fulfill her desires.

  1. From Cherry’s POV. Begin in Cherry’s car as she speeds to work, expecting good news from Richard Thornfield. Cherry believes that Richard Thornfield has had enough of Sofía. And he’ll either sell her to someone far away from William. Hide her. Or kill her. Cherry smiles at the possibilities.
  2. Cherry quickly remembers William’s love for Sofía and fears Richard Thornfield could give William the news without her. Fearing that William may do something drastic, Cherry begins to drive even faster to reach Thornfield’s office in time. Upon arriving, Cherry strips to her red nightie and enters Thornfield’s office.
  3. Cherry watches Richard Thornfield having sex with a BBW nurse who’s around her size. Not stopping, Richard grunts orders to Cherry about the party they will be having at his hotel in a few days with his business associates. Richard Thornfield invites Cherry and says William has been too.
  4. Cherry asks about the fate of Sofía. Richard Thornfield tells her that Sofía is the main attraction and will be used to satisfy his business associates. When Cherry asks about William, Richard Thornfield says he is creating another scene for Sofía and is selecting girls to attend the party.
  5. Cherry walks down the hall in her red pumps. Cherry comes to one of the rooms and opens the door. Inside, several women stand in various stages of undress. But they all have a doctor or nurse vibe. The women pull William, attempting to entice him to select them.
  6. Cherry watches as William is eventually undressed except for his black socks but resists their advances. Cherry asks William if she can give him some stress relief by having sex, but he declines her offer. William says there is currently a movie being made that he must check on.
  7. Cherry and William go to another room done up as a hospital motif. Sofía is dressed in a pink nurse’s uniform and is currently having sex with a man dressed as a patient. William can’t help himself as he strokes himself off to the scene. Cherry’s heart beats faster.
  8. Cherry attempts to distract William by asking what is this scene for. Grabbing William’s other hand, Cherry rubs it across her own breasts. William continues watching Sofía but tells Cherry it’s a screen test for another rough scene in which Sofía will have to perform at Richard Thornfield’s party.
  9. Cherry gives up, attempting to entice William, and walks out angrily. Cherry picks up her clothes outside Richard Thornfield’s office and gets in her car. In her anger, Cherry finds herself outside a small gun shop. Cherry intends to buy several weapons, but the owner reminds her of William.
  10. Cherry seduces the owner, and they have sex in his office. As the owner promises Cherry anything she wants, Cherry begins to form a plan. Cherry, being trusted by Richard Thornfield, knows she can buy weapons for his party’s security. After orgasming, Cherry takes a few guns for herself.
  11. Cherry then drives to Antonio’s home. Cherry finds Antonio in a state of madness as he realizes that Sofía is more popular than ever and that Richard Thornfield will not be getting rid of Sofía anytime soon. Cherry orders Antonio to sit as she points a shotgun at him.
  12. Antonio and Cherry talk about the next part of the plan. Cherry in an act of faith hands Antonio the shotgun. Cherry warns him that if she were to die, Antonio wouldn’t survive the night. Antonio isn’t sure who should die. Cherry watches him jerk off to Sofía’s movies.

15,000 words to go, Lady Sophia, out of 50,000. So close. Closer Than B, Virgil.

1391 Days Without B III, Day 832 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 138 ~Braxton, Virgil, Go Play~

I don’t want to read, watch, or hear the news. To quote a REPUBLICAN senator, “I don’t want reality!” I haven’t since Wednesday, November 6, 2024. Hell! I haven’t since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Further? E-Day. So… fantasy? “Braxton, Virgil, Go Play”

Saturday, November 16, 2024

Meditation 138 ~Braxton, Virgil, Go Play~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Or I would be if I got my Tony Montana on… Push It To The Limit

Honestly, Lady Lunalesca… I’ve been working on my novel. If you’re wondering why I’m so late. You know, the type that I read or watch… But if I were watching, I would have to send Braxton and Virgil out of the room. I’m far too comfortable with B’s ghost. Energy?

Anyway. I haven’t had to kick out my boys because MAGA has made No Nut November far too easy. And that’s with me writing a story on Trafficking Crimes. Come now, Lunalesca, you know my favorite critic isn’t going to read this. Even if I tone down the outline/synopsis I’ve been working on for most of the morning. I am going to have to go shopping, or I’ll starve. Plus, Walmart gets funny with money.

Do you remember those earbuds that weren’t earbuds I bought the other day? I swear!

More like save that for my story. And speaking of books, I’m still debating whether to read about apocalypses, dystopias, and the world’s end. Or making Christmas babies. With all the bad news coming out of Washington D.C… Effing MAGA, I’ve been working the streaming services over time. Last night, I started watching Brave New World. I’ve read the book. And I saw this movie called Humane, which I wouldn’t be surprised if MAGA implemented. You don’t want to acknowledge climate change but (deleting) citizens…

But is my book world any better? Chapter 10’s Synopsis, Better Deal Days Are Coming:

William watches helplessly as Sofía makes love to Mr. Thornfield. William’s shoulder injury reveals to Sofía he’s The Director. Cherry teases William with her hand. William relives the night’s events that morning and debates with himself in the mirror how he will explain to Sofía his role in her occupation. Mr. Thornfield calls William to discuss ideas for more videos starring Sofía biblically. William is asked if he would like to quit. He refuses adamantly. Mr. Thornfield attempts to assuage William’s feelings with money. William and Cherry go to the bank. Cherry confesses Sofía was punished by the men in the Max-Mart restroom for William touching her during the escape from the hotel. William’s enraged. Returning home, William texts a girl for dating to forget what he’s done and will continue to do to Sofía. William’s doorbell rings, and he finds Sofía with pizza. Sofía says they need to talk.

Well, Lady Lunalesca, it was worth a shot. But my stories usually have twenty chapters, considering this is chapter ten, and NaNoWriMo has clocked me at 25,500 words. So far…

Why do I still feel so lazy and worthless? I had to turn on the heater today. We both know who’s footing that expense. What Kind of Man Would I Be if this was published.

Wealthy and able to pay my way in this world. But I send my boys away. Braxton, Virgil, Go Play

1385 Days Without B III, Day 826 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 137 ~Braxton’s Free Stories Virgil~

I’m not reading any more stories about what will be done to this country. I’m a black man with zero two-legged kids and two four-legged ones. One is a “ghost” whose story I haven’t published yet. My own or Braxton’s Free Stories Virgil

Friday, November 15, 2024

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Well, yes and no. There’ll be no book reviews today. And Braxton speaks on Monday. Today…

Well, it would be “inappropriate” to tell someone you love that you’re reading another book to get over them. Or I will be for the end of November. How many books on pet loss have I read this year? Counting the last one that I bought, it would be seven. The year before, I read fourteen. And in 2022, I read forty… Forty-one if you count The Christmas Rescue. Do you remember anything about that one? Something other than relations?

Is it healing, closure, or ACCEPTANCE? The thought of the latter sends shivers down my spine, My Lady. But even that is preferable to the relentless onslaught of bad news that seems to be the only constant in this world. So why do I keep seeking out this bleakness? Hmm.

Lady Sophia, I’m not talking about the things I must “live” through. I swear, I wake up every morning looking for a grave. All I need to do is turn on the lamp. Oh! There’s Braxton in his box. But where is Braxton’s story again? There’s always editing, My Lady.

There’s always something else. Decisions that have to be made… Or not. I’ve been thinking about next month since I’ve decided what to read to close the month. But December…

It has been my TRADITION to focus on Christmas “Romances” throughout the closing of the year. But still, I can’t shake the feeling that I should do something to prepare for the apocalypse inbound. Oh, like buying food? Please! I couldn’t get it up to go shopping today, Lady Sophia. I meant as in books. I’ve read the classics like 1984, The Handmaid’s Tale, Brave New World, etc. So that’s the choice. Do I read about making Christmas babies in a world ceasing to exist? Or do I study and prepare to witness its aftermath?

Again, I couldn’t go shopping today. So, I should work on the novel I’m writing. At the moment, it’s… Nightmare At The Meat Market (Working Title). Eww, right? Why is that, you ask. Put the words “Glory” and “Hole” together. Or look up that scene between Yukiko Minase and her professor in Bible Black Only. That’s this morning. I would have to send Braxton out of the room for these movies and stories. What about Virgil. Uh, where’s my kid?

Excuse me, I’ve been working. I’ve “written” about nine chapters get these titles, my Lady:

Chapter 1: A Sneak Peek… Piece… Peace (Antonio)
Chapter 2: Taking The Red Light Special (Cherry)
Chapter 3: The Meat Market: Take One (Sofía)
Chapter 4: How To Make A Sale? (William)
Chapter 5: The Art Of Selling Door-to-Door (Cherry)
Chapter 6: The Job Market: Take Two (Sofía)
Chapter 7: Life Of A Delivery Boy (William)
Chapter 8: Ravishing… No Refunds Or Returns (Antonio)
Chapter 9: Balls To Change The Schedule (Sofía)
To Be Continued

Do you see what I mean, Lady Sophia? When I’m in the zone, the ideas flow like a river, carrying with them the mistakes, the madness, and the entire manuscript. It’s a whirlwind of creativity, and yet, it often feels like I’ve accomplished nothing at all. But I keep at it, because that’s what existence is, isn’t it? Alternative Facts.

Isn’t that just the American way? And yet, I can’t shake off the feeling of impending doom for this country. While THEY continue to be paid, I’ve wasted most of this morning, My Lady. AGAIN!

You’re my friend, my fan, and now my fictional editor… I don’t tell fairytales; I read and write, and for what? Braxton’s Free Stories Virgil

1384 Days Without B III, Day 825 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 131 ~Braxton And Virgil Rage~

My son, B III, died on Sunday, January 31, 2021. His last great act was to see me through a Trump Presidency, COVID, and life. Now come January 2025. I see another on the horizon, and I don’t blame Virgil. I blame people. Me, Braxton And Virgil Rage.

Saturday, November 9, 2024

Meditation 131 ~Braxton And Virgil Rage~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And I am still angry. At what? I woke up late again. Grayson “cheated” on Robin.

Not really! I’ve read every Satan’s Sorority Girls title so far. Grayson is more popular than Lou Bega in “Mambo No. 5.” Robin, Julia, Tasha, Fiona, Chrissy, who’s next, Lunalesca?

Who’s next? What’s next? Donald J Trump. And that Lady Lunalesca is why I’m angry. I’m in a rage. And when I’m not burning, my blood runs cold. I’ve looked at my “special” drawer on multiple occasions. The cold steel. But I got Virgil to raise. And Braxton to mourn.

Though the tears I have shed this week have been for my country. And for the loss of Madam Justice, both figuratively and literally. I’ve started “my” FIRSTBORN series. This will be Braxton speaking through me. Braxton saw me through Trump’s first term. Apocalypse Buddy.

And the reason I will be seeing the ninth circle of Hell. Soon… The Ninth Circle is Treachery and Betrayal… Of my brother, I am guilty. Of my country, well, I did fail her, so I’m guilty. Of my God? I knelt to no one other than my son B. And beautiful women, way back.

Being Braxton’s father required sacrifice… But I have always quoted I am an equal opportunity misanthropist. And while I hate myself most of all, Lunalesca. People have been driving me mad since Election Day. And I dare compare it to the day my Braxton passed away. And this is the conclusion I have drawn. “Are you getting a new dog?”

“… but the truth is that I dislike most men as much as I dislike women. If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” ― from Andrew Davidson’s The Gargoyle

Braxton’s body was still warm, and “my father” asked that.

Talk about hatred and stupidity. “My father” can call me STUPID all he likes and threaten me with slavery and death, but to spit on my son’s life like that… But as Anne Frank said:

“Despite everything, I believe people are really good at heart.”

And that’s what hurt the most. I watched the world continue after my son died, and I thought that it was a good place and “my” pain was “my” own. And that was that, Luna.

Now, nearly four years later, I see that the world ain’t worth nothing. People feel about America like my father did about “my” son. The fear, hatred, and stupidity. Sickening!

Lunalesca as Greta Thunberg put it: HOW DARE YOU! And it leaves me with nothing but rage. Yet I wonder how Braxton And Virgil Rage.

1378 Days Without B III, Day 819 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 130 ~B’s Stories Or Virgil’s~

If I could tell you a story about “Kamala Harris’s Win,” I could have given you a book review of a guy “having fun” in college. But it is the real world, reality; my stomach hurts, and I don’t want any stories. What about B’s Stories Or Virgil’s

Friday, November 8, 2024

Meditation 130 ~B’s Stories Or Virgil’s~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… What? No book review? Every day, existence doesn’t end. And who will tell “my” story? Why?

When I’m in no mood to write one. That’s another reason I won’t do a book review right now. I mean, what story would you like to hear, my lady? The stories out these days…

There are stories of victory. But not Kamala’s. I’ve been thinking about what THEY call “The Hero’s Journey.” Kamala Harris had all the elements of that. And as I often sing, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And I have a black Ma. So Lady Sophia:

“Because you’re (his) mother. Mother is God in the eyes of a child” Silent Hill.

It’s not hard to believe that a black woman would save us. But it’s not her fault now, is it? I keep comparing this election to the loss of my son. It’s a sick world; I signed paperwork, and then…

Love dies? And I mean all of it. You know I love Braxton more than I love myself. I haven’t told Virgil that I love him. I swear he and I have more of a Ben-Hur vibe, and that’s sad.

“We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well and live.”

“Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That’s good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength.”

Will I make it to forty-one? Again, being a black man under a Trump Presidency, my odds are definitely diminishing. If my depression doesn’t get to me first. And what about the ladies, which I want to talk about. I could look up Stormy Daniels right now, my lady, Ha!

But there’s no physical reaction even though I like her. It’s these others: Jessica Rey, Kristen StephensonPino, Arianny Celeste, and the list goes on. Not trying to be a “Creep.”

Just, with what I’ve seen…

The truth? A woman can have a beautiful body but an ugly soul. Anybody that supports Donald Trump… But it’s not like I “Canceled” these women. When Virgil gets in trouble, I block “my” bedroom. He can still run the hallway into Braxton’s room if he wants. I’m not a monster. At least not in this place, my lady. Uh, Welcome to the Real World?

But in such things as “Sofía’s Nightmare?” I say some pretty horrible things about people, my lady. I have no problem writing about women, especially, but I’m not trying to be president. Not a king or a dictator. I just want to tell stories and let this place…. Reality, Sophia… Be a better world. I miss B’s Stories Or Virgil’s

1377 Days Without B III, Day 818 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 126 ~The Will To Vote B~

Who will the president be Tuesday… Uh, a few weeks from now. Kamala Harris. But who will I become this Monday before the Election? And every Monday after. A lawgiver. My son’s voice. Someone better. A dirty old man. The Will To Vote B.

Monday, November 4, 2024

Meditation 126 ~The Will To Vote B~

Lame Duck Session Madam

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Goodbyes must be spoken. Elections held. And Sloth paid for. But here’s an easy decision. Kamala Harris.

Madam Justice:
Now, you are a much harder decision. I haven’t even decided on your Form. Final Form, right? We have gone through all the rules and then some. But knowing how I break laws… Yet, I believe in Dale Carnegie’s words in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.”

“Order Is Heaven’s First Law”

Why should I mess up the universe I have created here with you? Plus, I’m lazy. And while this isn’t Heaven. I can spell out why I’m going to Hell. Because of Braxton, I know. But wait, there’s more, Madam.

Braxton:
My son says there is. Braxton would speak for me sometimes. And I for him. If I ever needed someone in my corner, the time is now. Only I would never do my little boy justice. I have yet to publish the book he and I wrote together. And letting a woman down is one thing. Not Kamala! Again, I’m voting for her. She needs to win. Braxton Barks?

Madam, it would be kismet. Braxton passed on a Sunday. So, to hear from his “spirit” on a Monday, considering…

The Substance:
Sunday, I’m ALWAYS so down on myself. I’m effing up my marriage to Dear Future Wife on Tuesdays. And while I know Braxton would be encouraging, there’s myself.

Madam, I’ve come to realize that I need to learn to be more positive and show more gratitude. Do you remember when I could watch the WWE? I thought Saturday, I can’t stand a whiny Superstar. And that’s all I do. Rant, rave, and complain. I was lying in bed, knowing I’d wasted forty years.

“This is simply a better version of yourself…” I wish.

Dirty Diana:
Now, she accepted me for who I am. And maybe I would be a lot more subdued if I wasn’t bothering all the others with my… longings… But I left her to talk to my son. And wouldn’t I be abandoning you because I want to be dirty? I’ll take an intelligent woman over one who is only beautiful. Uh, don’t I know women who are both? Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry. Still, it’s like something out of “Camp Hell” that “Demon Repression.”

Talk about “Sick Fux,” hmm.

But a voter. Kamala’s an easy choice. But being me… The Will To Vote B

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1373 Days Without B III, Day 814 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 124 ~Be Characteristically Braxton, Virgil~

What do I want to be when I grow up? My son. My Braxton. We don’t want to tell kids to be like Trump or MAGA. Uh, I’m 40 and possibly looking at the end of freedom if Kamala doesn’t win. And I’m worried about me. Be Characteristically Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, November 2, 2024

Meditation 124 ~Be Characteristically Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But Trump doesn’t use such big words… Why should I? Yes, Lunalesca, I may get political.

But let’s focus on me for now. And why am I so late? Bad dreams. But I can’t remember any of them. Another reason I’m late. It was either watching all the Yabbos bouncing in my face or reading about them… Sasha, Jessica, Lexi… “Some Guys Have All the Luck.”

Only not my boys, Braxton and Virgil. Yesterday, as I was trying not to starve, I thought to myself. If only I could have my Braxton’s courage. And what about Virgil? If only I didn’t have his damage. Things I don’t know about him. What does he fear about me?

Being left out? As in banned from the bedroom. Virgil didn’t use the training paper. Here’s a thought. Buy him his own training pad. Hmm.

I don’t want him on Braxton’s bed—ever! But sure, use B’s bowls, big pillows, and bathroom space. And speaking of marking territory and making a mess, there’s Election Day.

Lunalesca, I will be playing the part of a “Law Abiding Citizen.” How do THEY say, “I’m just a regular, everyday normal mother effer.” Lunalesca, “What Makes A Good Man?”

This leads me to today. I know plenty of bad men or rather people. “I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” And while I consider myself better than MAGA, My Lady…

Braxton, my son, is a far better man than me. If I could be half the man he was, I would consider myself truly blessed.

But I find myself existing as he did in those final days. It’s like living ‘Livin’ On A Prayer ‘, constantly on the edge of losing everything. Haven’t I? REALLY!

And how many songs am I going to rip off? I finished reading earlier. And looking up Asuka Langley Soryu is not productive. Anything to avoid looking into a mirror.

Lunalesca, how can I be bothered to save the world when I couldn’t save Braxton, who was my whole world? And I keep coming back to this simple truth. Virgil is here. I mean, couldn’t they be bothered to vet me? Fifteen years is a long life. Only yesterday afternoon…

Then you wonder why I don’t value my existence. All I want is to have a family someday. Lunalesca, we would be far from “UNEXPECTED GOATS.” But today, I’m like Winston Smith from 1984 (last man), with some Far Cry 5’s Faith. But someday, I hope to be like Braxton. And show Virgil a better man. To one day have a family that reflects their characters. Be Characteristically Braxton, Virgil

1371 Days Without B III, Day 812 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will