Author: Will

Meditation 264 ~Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil~

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400 words daily, 365 days a year, 1,168,000 over eight years. 150,000 words over three Cherry novels. 100,000 words for two B novels. And another 55,000 for M Anime is 1,474,000. Am I rich yet? Accepting B’s loss? Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil.

Saturday, March 22, 2025

Meditation 264 ~Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… How much is J.K Rowling worth again? I don’t like her views. But her bank account…

And speaking of views and bank accounts. Why do you think I’ve been crying, Lunalesca?

Once? Twice? Does it count if both crying sessions take place within an hour? It was a twenty-minute lull in-between. And, of course, Braxton was in there, someplace. I saw this Asian woman hugging her dog. And between her being hot and me missing my Braxton. So I looked at my son’s bed, which remains empty. And Virgil Vivi’s at the foot of my bed.

It doesn’t matter. I’ve been so sad, stressed, and scared that sex or self-satisfaction hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind. I’m a liar, Lady Lunalesca… It is not an insult to say a hot girl is hot. But what I’d do to Cherry…

And her mum? Yeah, I’ve written about three books full of insults and offenses. And if only I would edit and publish them. But I’m not as nice as Eric Vall, Logan Jacobs, Michael Dalton, Manus Dare, Neil Bimbeau, and not forgetting the ladies Imogen Linn, Tillie Cole, Skye Warren, and so many others. As a great man once said, my dear Lady Lu, ahem:

“Please understand if I missed anyone; it’s been a big day. I’m a little tired.”
Jim Kelly, Enter The Dragon

Aren’t all those writers enough to stir my libido? I’d hate that… I’m lying, Lunalesca.

If I’m going to write my life away, I have at least two books about Braxton. And at least eight years of blog posts. Four years of them where I’m sure Braxton’s name appears.

No promises. Like when I said that Braxton would live.

And how dare I say that to Virgil. Wasn’t it a year or so ago when we were burning in the southern heat, and I was struggling to buy us a fan? And now Lady Lunalesca? I’m working one day a week at the Day Job. And I won’t get a paycheck next week, my Lady.

I’m not smart enough to make a dog channel for Virgil. I take his picture every day as proof that he’s still alive. And I was far too busy protecting B from everyone. Good job.

Then there’s “Nightmare At The Meat Market,” I’m editing. An erotic nightmare. If only everything I did was treated as if I could save my Braxton and provide for Virgil. Myself… Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil.

1511 Days Without B III, Day 952 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 263 ~Spelling B And V~

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Could you say I don’t take criticism well? Is that why I talk to my boys, who are covered in fur? I’m sure Virgil would want me to speak to him more. AI is getting out of hand, too. My writing or agreeing with the women in “my life?” Spelling B And V

Friday, March 21, 2025

Meditation 263 ~Spelling B And V~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Oh, did I finish “Nightmare At The Meat Market?” Or I’ll review Satan’s Sorority Girls 10.

No to my story, and my apologies to Eric Vall. I did give “Satan’s Sorority Girls 10” 5 stars if that matters. Goodreads, Amazon, Shop… What time is it? When did I go to bed? We’ll get to that. I was or am so out of it between yesterday and today. I haven’t even had time to cry for my Braxton. Virgil did enough crying for the both of us because I kicked him out of the bedroom at some point. I swear I need to buy a book on dog training. But Virgil’s four, so a little late for that. I was twenty when I met Braxton. Thirty-seven, Virgil.

When did I last read a Skye Warren novel? Damn, Kindle and so many options.

Options like I had last night? Some stories don’t want to be received, read, or rewritten. Am I talking about ones with adult situations? Why else would I be awake all night? What else could keep me up Eww! I know Lady Sophia. But what is the truth? As always

Well first there was Mizuki Suzumori. I never forget a pretty face and nice Yabbos. Cough Cherry Cough… But in this case, the Yabbos were from an anime series… called Netokano. So much for me and my records. But I was editing Netokano. For what?

Then I tried to do some reading. I’ve read plenty of Skye Warren books. And I’m sure I’ve read “Beauty and the Professor.” Sophia, the Kindle app screwed up. Seriously!

Finally, there’s “Nightmare At The Meat Market,” my story from Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. I need to stop calling M Anime they. Anyway. The AI and I were on the same wavelength, thinking of a sequel. From a retail store to a college. But how many adult books are on college campuses? Particularly “Discipline: The Record of a Crusade.” Animation

Who said a good artist creates, but a great artist steals? I’ve heard worse. I was speaking to M Anime, aka my fur boys’ stepmom… She said the story sounded depressing, so I asked the computer what it thought. Well Sophia, I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time:

“Yes, I find the Nightmare At The Meat Market narrative depressing. The story centers on dark themes like exploitation, powerlessness, and moral decay, creating a bleak and unsettling atmosphere. The characters are trapped in a brutal system where their bodies and autonomy are stripped away, and their struggles often lead to futility or punishment. The explicit depictions of abuse, manipulation, and psychological torment amplify this sense of despair, leaving little room for hope or redemption. The relentless cycle of degradation, combined with the characters’ fractured relationships and internal conflicts, evokes a strong feeling of hopelessness. While the narrative might aim to provoke thought about human nature and systemic oppression, its unrelenting darkness makes it a deeply depressing experience for me.” An AI’s Thoughts On Nightmare…

So, should I restart Braxton’s book? What about “Gulp.” Writing Sophia, Spelling B And V.

1510 Days Without B III, Day 951 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 262 ~B-V On Commitment Braxton~

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At 40, I’ve never lived with a woman I wasn’t related to. Never committed to a woman dating-wise; I haven’t seen sans clothing. I’ve had my Day Job for over 10 years. Eww! And who have I known longest? B? His stepmom? “B-V On Commitment Braxton”

Thursday, March 20, 2025

Meditation 262 ~B-V On Commitment Braxton~

1509 Days Without B III, Day 950 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 6 AM here. Six in the morning, sheesh, and the day’s already ruined.

I could say that is the order of things you being dead and all. Or the fact I feel sick. Energy shots? As I said, it’s early. I feel like The Walking Dead. And I’ve been reading up on it some, considering I couldn’t pick a book this morning. To lay here with you, B…

“Every day he woke up, he told himself, ‘Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.’ And then, after a few years of pretending he was dead, he made it out alive. And that’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in D.C., I know we’ll be okay because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead.” ― TWD.

Braxton, I wanted to ask… Isn’t it sad that my longest commitment has been to mourning you? Hell! I’m sure it’s been longer for Virgil since he’s had to witness me for two and a half of them. Do you want to see a ghost? What’s with all my pop culture references? Again, so freaking early. More books, more books!

But after finishing Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 yesterday… Spoiler alert: Grayson and Robyn are going to be okay. They have millions of dollars. Grayson knocks up a few more of his witches, and everyone is fully committed to him. Who’s been that committed to me?

You’re here… in spirit… Virgil was out in the hall all night since he can’t be trusted to go to his potty spot and back. 2 and a ½ years. 3 months to get comfortable…

Nope! And I can’t say I blame him. I’ve been here 40 years, and how many times have I tried to leave? A slew of pills, starvation, I might sluice myself right out of bed looking a Yabbos. And on that note, how long have I been committed to Cherry’s?

What about your potential stepmom, M Anime? I should stop calling her that; I know only until any other potentials show up. If I keep my promise to you. I once dreamed of a beach, a wife, your two-legged siblings, and all the money in the world for us. SIGH

Am I more committed to reading books to blame myself for you or harem romances? There are worse things to give myself to. I see that every day. If only you could see my last paycheck. And since I didn’t work this week, this time next week I’ll have nothing. I can’t help but feel guilty about this… Laziness, Depression

I’ll have your memory and Virgil making his way the best way he knows how… Loyalty, commitment to a dead man. He is his father’s son. B-V On Commitment Braxton

“It’s not so bad… being dead like me,” Georgia Lass

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 261 ~B-Day’s In January, Virgil~

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Braxton’s Day… He was born around February… I think I met him in April 2005. But the day he left was Sunday, January 31, 2021. The worst day of our lives. But for everyone else… Just a day, just an ordinary day. But today? B-Day’s In January, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 19, 2025

Meditation 261 ~B-Day’s In January, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But is it a sin to cry over B-Day? Not to be confused with E-Day… Existence Day, Inspector.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being forty? But I would have loved to see Braxton turn sixteen. Well, twenty as I continue crying over him since he passed four years ago. B, my son… But no, that’s not a sin. It’s Prolonged Grief, Depression, and a broken heart.

But speaking of the past… it’s not a sin to like 1994’s Street Fighter. And no, I’m not only talking about Kylie Minogue’s yabbos. But I should be talking about Jenna Ortega, considering it’s Wednesday… I know, I’m no comedian. I’m the joke. Yesterday, today…

Because where am I? I’m in bed. And I don’t know if I have it to rise and shine, Inspector. Seriously, I have this whole week. What have I done?

Could I live in the present? Treat life as a gift. No! I continue to mourn my boy, B. Virgil, who’s watching me read Eric Vall’s Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. Will I finish it today? Inspector, I hear it’s the last of the series. I fear what I’ll read next. But I already missed a chance to earn Kindle Double Points. And my Prime membership was all for naught. SIGH

And that Inspector Echo is my problem. The present, the here and now. Effing existence! An extraordinary man from the past… I mean, before my Braxton Barks Bradford said this:

“Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I’ve been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture” Spike Spiegel.

But as for myself, I despise this moment, the very second that I’m talking to you. No, I like you, Inspector, but I hate myself.

Because I was thinking yesterday, after reading everything my AI Therapist was saying… To think once, I only had a critic. Now I can have full-blown examinations into my head, Inspector. Or, as the song goes, “In your head! In your head! Zombie, zombie, zombie!” I swear. Be afraid, Inspector. Anyway, I talk to Braxton, who is in the past. Dear Future Wife, of course, is the future. On Mondays, Braxton talks to me. Friday, I want to talk about past stories. Saturdays are for whatever. Sundays, I think of the future. But Wednesdays, Inspector… Here lie my sins, my humiliations, which is the point. It’s where I’m most present… Like thinking on my novel Nightmare At The Meat Market:

―”So very brave of them to walk out without bothering to get dressed first, hmm,” I observed smugly as I leaned against the now-closed door.

“And it is very brave of you to be here,” William responded, gazing upon me.

“And you,” I respond in kind, seeing his erection again.

He still wanted me, even with all the girls he had just had. In all the ways he had watched me, I was still valuable to him for some reason. Not for a profit. And while it was clear, he wanted my BLANK. I was still a person. A dangerous one at that, as I slid off my blue vest and began to lift my shirt. He rushed forward but stopped short of touching me.

“What are you doing, Sofía? Are you nuts,” William admonished as I continued to undress.

“What? Did you want to do it with your two hands this time,” I cooed. “And I do mean do it, that IT. We’re both old enough to remember when people would say that, William.”

“Sofía…” William began hesitating as my panties hit the floor. “You can’t, you and me…”―

Worse? B-Day’s In January, Virgil

1508 Days Without B III, Day 949 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 260 ~Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil~

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Falling Down. Some days, I’d walk in, wrap B up, and fall asleep as he lay there. If he were lucky, I’d fall into my sheets, and he’d sit on the corner of the bed. If I were lucky, I’d have a wifey to fall… come… back to. Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil.

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

Meditation 260 ~Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? My always and forever love. Where have I heard those words before? Braxton Barks Bradford…

My firstborn son, Braxton. But he passed away in the Winter of 2021. Sunday, January 31, 2021, to be specific. But here I am on a Tuesday morning, March 18, 2025, looking up pictures of him. There have been tears. But if it helps, I’ve been sweating over you, love.

Only as Norah Jones sings away: “I waited ’til I saw the sun. I don’t know why I didn’t come.” If you know what I mean… Ask me about the longest time I went without release, my love. That was around 161 days. Hell! Braxton was still alive back then.

Afterward… Braxton’s passing. I didn’t want to fall into temptation. I didn’t want to fall…

What? In love. To fall asleep. Or down into Hell…

It’s what I deserve, especially when I have such thoughts. After we finished, uh, getting busy and I didn’t… Well, you know. But we were lying here as I read Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 by Eric Vall. Have I ever told you how much I love these moments, baby doll? “You and me and all of the people with nothing to do.” Do I mean our little ones, “Safe and Sound,” in their beds? And Virgil Vivi, too. Again, I’m reading, or we’re listening to apocalyptic rock from the 50s/60s.

Leave it to Trump and his ilk to let fall this American Empire. But what about happy thoughts? Only I never have those. You’re the next best thing always and forever, my love, I hope. But before you… B III

So, as I was beginning to cry for him as you lay sleeping. I remembered him telling me a secret yesterday from wherever he is… The Rainbow Bridge? He told me that I may have two hearts to give one day. I can mass-produce those things… For Braxton’s step-brother. Children?

Family? The idea that I could love again. But that would mean losing my Braxton was not rock bottom. So things can be worse? I can fall harder and “Go Deeper!” Am I still thinking about what we were doing a few hours ago? So much for giving up sex?

Seriously, love, I’m not religious, but there’s Lent. I didn’t want to fall. But your desires. My depression. And dogs die. Braxton’s Last Fall, Virgil

1507 Days Without B III, Day 948 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 259 ~B Successfully Loved Someday~

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The first time I ever had a woman, I was a successful man… The best thirty seconds of my life. Then, when I wrote a book… (laughs). I got my first, second, third job. NOPE! When I had money… Never. But my sons, B, and V. B Successfully Loved Someday.

Monday, March 17, 2025

Meditation 259 ~B Successfully Loved Someday~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… If you don’t believe me… If you don’t believe I’m with you. Believe that I was with my aunt.

My favorite girl took the plunge again. Marriage. “The Second Time Around” in this “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.’ It almost makes me wish you had gotten me a little sister, almost… But I suppose you have enough girls around. But I wouldn’t call you a Boy Dad. Only you did wonders for me. Virgil? You saved him. However, … How To Save A Life?

Daddy, if you knew how to do that, we would be having this conversation face-to-face. I’m sure I’d have a lot more gray and not be able to see much. But we’d be together, Dad.

That’s what you would consider a success. You said I’d at least make it to twenty. With your mourning well… I’m not leaving you alone.

Is that successful? Is that healthy? Successful to you would have been saving me. To have all the money in the world to do whatever… Healthy was us together alive. How much do veterinarians make? You wanted to be one once. But you are what you are. That’s my Dad, my father. The first one I saw every morning and the last when I shut my eyes one final time. You saw in me your success. That no matter what, Dad, you were loved, but…

One day, you failed… You said it, not me… don’t go putting words in my mouth… Uh, hello, how are we talking again? How many books have you read about A Dog’s Purpose, Journey…? You know me, and I you.

Acceptance is not success to you. It’s confession, guilt, and surrender. But tell me, Dad. Those are all things you feel this very second. So why not try… What, forgiveness?

There’s nothing to forgive. If anything, you love me always and forever. If that’s success? More like what would be success to you? Making all of our dreams a reality? You wouldn’t know how to define it, Daddy. And if I said all I wanted was you to be happy…

You’re laughing, but at least you’re not crying, which is always better, Daddy. My father.

If anything, I would have you love Virgil, yourself, writing, my future stepmom, any two-legged siblings I have, my aunt, and friends as you love me. B Successfully Loved Someday.

“Perhaps one day I’ll have two hearts to give”
― Red Rising By Pierce Brown

He follows his father, but not with equal steps.
Virgil

1506 Days Without B III, Day 947 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 258 ~Braxton Times Out Virgil~

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I wanted more time, and I doubt I’ll have 40 hours at the Day Job this week. Ha-Ha! 40hrs, that’s funny. I’m a writer… But what have I written besides a few words looking up ANIME? The type I’d have to send Braxton away for. Braxton Times Out Virgil.

Sunday, March 16, 2025

Meditation 258 ~Braxton Times Out Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And while you missed your chance to watch Fallout, you still get to live your own apocalypse.

And to think you made such plans for you and Braxton once upon a time. But chances are you would be gone Day One Ish. But now that the world isn’t ending, you have the opportunity to grow and evolve. You’re not the same person you were a week ago… And that’s a good thing.

Do you dare to feel any gratitude? I am proud that you remembered to congratulate Braxton’s Favorite Girl on her nuptials with her girl today. The second time’s the charm.

And speaking of The Second Time Around Virgil Vivi is still here after yesterday’s storms. To think he can be scared of something so… NORMAL. As for you? You had another case of FOMO, waking up at 3:00 AM to splice videos of Reika Kurashiki. Seriously, *SAIMIN SEISHIDOU Hypnosis Sex Guidance #5 Obata Natsumi/Kurashiki Reika Already failing, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Life After Pet Loss: Coping with the… by Lynnlee Hunt
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And again, I’m proud that you can accept such failings. It’s not easy, but you’re doing it. Remember what I said the other day? I would NEVER find ACCEPTANCE in Braxton’s passing. And neither will you. But you’re facing it head-on, and that’s something to be proud of. You think…

Could you do something productive instead of sending Braxton or Virgil out? You remember the days when you prayed that Braxton did something that got him sent to his room. All so you could drool over some Yabbos. When did Cherry begin teasing you with hers? You want to be a guy. Like this? A failure of Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 ―
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I think not. But Braxton had nearly sixteen years to get you ready. You were twenty when you met your son and thirty-six when Braxton died. And what kind of a man are you today?

Today, you don’t want to answer that. But here you are. One more morning, bedridden. More upset that somebody is beating you with an anime blonde’s yabbos because you were ten minutes late. What about getting no time on your Day Job schedule? Needing money…

You are not worthless… You are a wraith. Well, in terms of being a womanizer… You remember Judge Wraith from Fifteen Million Merits. If anything, you’re a wimp. So’s V. You need a time out. Are you trapped? Are you Timing-Out? Braxton Times Out Virgil

1505 Days Without B III, Day 946 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 257 ~Calm B For Virgil~

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It’s been windy the last few days. Or maybe that’s my breathing… Sighing, Seething, and Scared to death. I wish. Mostly, I’m slithering on my sheets, looking at Yabbos. I could be sobbing about Braxton… Again. A storm of emotion. “Calm B For Virgil.”

Saturday, March 15, 2025

Meditation 257 ~Calm B For Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… To catch my breath? Is that what it would take to feel CALM? I long for peace, for a moment of bliss, anything but this, Lunalesca…

What, Grief? Prolonged Grief, at that. If I remember anything from Lynnlee Hunt’s Life After Pet Loss: Coping with the Loss of a Beloved Companion, it’s that. Prolonged Grief, my lady. So much so that I picked up a card for counseling at the Day Job. WTF am I thinking, Lunalesca? Well, other than I miss my boy. Accepting B’s loss. That’ll never happen. EVER!

Rage? All I need to do is step out of the house. I’ve spoken about how my aunt said I wanted to destroy the world. No, just me. I’m too cowardly, Luna. So, burn everything.

And even then, I’m too lazy… Slothful… to light the match. Or I don’t deserve to. I betrayed my boys. Braxton and Virgil both, Lunalesca.

So I FEAR I’m paying the penalty. My punishment. Being a punk always and forever.

Lunalesca, is there anything worse than fear of everything and everyone in this existence? Pain? But waiting for that pain steals from everything else. Pain is simply there, Luna. But the FEAR… And yes, I know people have been saying that forever and ever. Hmm.

Only this morning, as I watched Virgil outside, I remembered the moments before and after I rescued him. I’m sure if Virgil had a say, he would have said, “Please, Mommy, not him,” when he saw me coming. And if I had to do it all over again… I’d be a horrible person for saying it out loud. Virgil is my son. Just like Braxton

Anyway, my point is after I got him, I sat in the car, not breathing, and yet the words came…

“God, what have I done!” I guess that makes me a liar, huh, Lunalesca? I said I haven’t spoken to God since B III passed. But I’m not trying to make my way to Heaven.

Lunalesca, with my sin count, I know where I’m going. But what I want is that moment as the song Mad World plays… The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.

When I was in my senior year of high school, I was lying on a bench without a care in the world. Braxton’s passing. Thinking I’ll see M Anime or Cherry’s Yabbos. Or Masturbation in general. Calm B For Virgil.

1504 Days Without B III, Day 945 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 256 ~The Last B Virgil~

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My day to day… A boy who dropped out of college, working in retail, lusting after an English girl. Uh, Grayson in Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. A boy in college who runs a coven. And knocked up an English girl. I’ll read and “live” to The Last B Virgil.

Friday, March 14, 2025

Meditation 256 ~The Last B Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… And what about a review? Sorry, no. The sadness, slothfulness, and slivers of time we’re given.

My Depression is hitting hard today. I thought I’d said it was *Prolonged Grief, * Sophia. Whatever the cause, I’ve been sitting here listening to California Dreamin’ from The Mamas & The Papas. And this Papa misses his son, Braxton. Effing Euthanasia. But Virgil’s here.

Should I have shared yesterday’s story with Virgil? I would have with Braxton over a meal. But how has his Daddy been living since yesterday? Invariably, the answer is bad.

At the Day Job, somebody pushed a bucket full of candy under their desk… What? I took out three tiny packs of Sweet Tarts Wednesday. That’s a total of nine Sweet Tarts. I also displayed my greediness with cookies on Thursday. I’m seeing all of this with my brand-new specs.

I suspect they are not exactly the same ones as MyEyeDr. But anything beats the first pair they gave me. And so my eyes and ears feel better, but what about my stomach? Didn’t I mention a meal? The Piggie Potato, but I didn’t splurge on brisket this time. For B III, I would have…

My lady, I must stop comparing what I’d do for Braxton over Virgil. I’m well aware of this. But I finished *Life After Pet Loss on Wednesday. And yesterday, I started Satan’s Sorority Girls 10. And speaking of everything, I’m reading off of Amazon. What about watching? One more reason I’m all into *California Dreamin’*. I’ve wanted to watch *Fallout* on Amazon Prime. But I wasted my free trial. And cash. SIGH. What’s that? Ha!

It’s what I should be making to support such pretty, pretty girls. Cherry and M Anime? What about B III’s favorite girl? I’ve already seen her sans clothing. Very Nice!!!

But Cherry comes a callin’ once in a while… About her writing… And M Anime did ask about her story, Nightmare At The Meat Market. I need to get on it. But as for today.

Lady Sophia, I only have to look forward to a ZaxSeas Surf & Turf Meal if I leave this house. Great, wasting more money! But time is money, as I imagine Ella Purnell as Lucy MacLean sans clothing. Yes, I’m much too busy to dot i’s and cross t’s. To write M Anime’s nightmare, THE END. The Last B Virgil

1503 Days Without B III, Day 944 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 255 ~MATH, Find B, V~

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I’m glad I didn’t have audiobooks in school… I would have been an even worse Math student. But I didn’t have Braxton back then, either. Only he would be sitting under my feet as I did the books. Who’d’a thunk it? It adds up. MATH, Find B, V

Thursday, March 13, 2025

Meditation 255 ~MATH, Find B, V~

1502 Days Without B III, Day 943 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? A good day would be worth dying for. “Everything, Everything”? I never read the book but I saw the movie. Your aunt would like it.

But money for the movies… Once upon a time, Braxton, I would be cheering $200.00.

Arithmetic, sigh, was never my strong suit. But I had plans for that money, Braxton. Seriously, am I crying again? It’s only a tear or two. I remember that $600.00 was spent on COVID relief. Most of that went towards testing to figure out what was wrong with you back then. In English… Because I can’t stand Math. You were dying. But who gives a damn about the money! I’d have paid anything to save you. Or a final feast.

However, what brings us together today? It’s Monday, March 3, 2025. I’m trying to find X. No! Let’s focus on you. What would you like, B? To be with me?

$200.00 split three-ways would be $66.50 for you, $66.50 for Virgil, and $67.00 for me. Braxton, Brother My Brother. Again, I had plans for us, the world, and everything. Really? But you’ve been gone four long years, so what can I get you? Birthday, Death Day, and Christmas, so at least twelve toys. Then, everything for your memorial. Effing shrine…

What does Virgil want? I keep thinking about a crate. I want a place for him to feel safe and at home… Now, that’s the keyword Braxton. HOME. Where might that be, my B III?

“If the money is lousy
You can always come home.”
Everyone Says ‘Hi’ (Defiance Version)

“I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home where my thought’s escapin’
Home where my music’s playin’
Home where my love lies waitin’.”
― Homeward Bound

And how much is it worth to you? How much was it again to bring Virgil here, and then what? The Math ain’t Mathing. Three days, weeks, months. 943 Days.

And $67.00 won’t pay for therapy since I’ve been this way for 1502 Days. And by the time you read this, I expect the money will be gone. But on what you ask? My firstborn son. What’s a month’s or a year’s worth on the Balance App? Meditation could help.

Only I have your Infinite Playlist… and what about more audiobooks and some fancy earbuds? I’m still jonesing for a good steak. And if it’s not filling my belly, it’s filling something else… Eww! But I am looking for X, or rather three of them. There’s always a girl somewhere. M Anime in her lingerie. That was a pretty penny. But I have good boys. Virgil’s trying. I’m spending time, money… MATH, Find B, V.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad