Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Tell me I didn’t say that, write that, or even choose to think. You see why I spend so much time sleeping or living vicariously through others. As the song ask, would you lie with me and just forget the world? “To Be Silently Willing.”

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Gospel 146 ~To Be Silently Willing~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but must I tell everyone? There was a time I played PCH for hours. Time better spent reading, writing, and “Lovin’ you is easy ’cause you’re beautiful.” Now was that a little too much? Is that somewhat an insult within honesty? Can’t I just say right now, My Love, I’m tired. I didn’t sleep much last night after working on the novel late. So yes, I’ll say STUPID things (cringes) from time to time. I suppose that music won’t be my salvation. Minnie Riperton’s musical stylings?

It’s one of the reasons I love how you’re a reader like me. It’s why I buy books for our kids all the time. I’m sure the Dæmon doesn’t mind, old man these days. I value your mind, and when we say something. Not sounding like the President but zero responsibility. Though, I’m not tossing away the music. Have I told you about the time I regret not dancing with my friend at her wedding? You know I can name hundreds if not thousands of songs, Not one got me to move on the dancefloor because I was afraid SIGH. Indeed, I’ve told you my dirty little secret of actually enjoying the plague era. I’m going to miss wearing masks. Now with all of the stuff that comes out of my mouth, still facing the man in the mirror. That’s the hardest thing to do. Name something that masks prevent?

Kissing You? At this rate, I’m going to have a whole new playlist now, including Des’ree. For the record “I’ll Always Love My Mama,” and I’ve worked for a few black women I can’t stand. Anyway, kissing you is an excellent way to shut me up with everything in life. Also, my Dæmon and I like to eat. I’m not one for the holidays, but on Thanksgiving, my Mom cooks. Hell, I even have memories of E-Day steak and baked potato. Anything that keeps my mouth shut and makes me want to see the world one more day, My Love. Listen, I’m not saying I don’t get loud, but there are days like today that I can’t say anything right. I want to be like Elton John, John Legend, Bruno Mars, the guy from W.I.T.C.H. and write you a song.

Worked out well. But silence is my kindness, or “Les Fleurs.” To Be Silently Willing

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

It’s written, speak of the Devil, and he’ll appear because God knows I ain’t loving anybody today that doesn’t have four legs and barks. I’d say I want to be a better man, but no, I’m Silas. Thanks, World Beyond. “God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love”

Monday, November 23, 2020

Gospel 145 ~God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love~

Hundred And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but today I’m not in the mood for this rule. If anything, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is for my Dæmon, and he’s right up against my thigh. So I guess I get why he always wants to cuddle because the moment he gives me space… Today though, as the song goes by Get Set Go AHEM “I Hate Everyone.” I swear to Christ all I felt today is Fury, Rage, Wrath… Why didn’t Divergent have a faction for people like me? If it’s any consolation, I’m angry with myself, so yeah, we can burn.

Now I know my week is going to suck, but yesterday, The Walking Dead World Beyond… Jesus. Well, you can see by the title. I must have been in a somewhat religious mood with this rule. Anyway, do you remember I said that everything I enjoy is biting my behind? So last night’s episode hit a little too close to home. Long story short, I am Silas. Quote a song about it, so here it go, “Everybody know I’m a motherfucking monster” pardon my French. Then we have an obsession with Iris from Silas. And finally, all his “Dad Issues.” Dammit, Madam Justice, I’m on the verge of writing a third book about some girl. I don’t want to say her name now because it makes me sick to think about my trash. I hate my “Father,” but I’m still here, a grown-ass man living off his cash right now.

Is that not unconditional love? I’m not suicidal, I keep telling myself, but right now, I’m in a dark place. Much like Silas, I’m somewhere in-between letting the dead take me. On the other hand, I really want to hit something. My fists were balled all day—God, such hate. If I could, I’d apologize for my terrible novel. I’m going to finish it, but I hate it more with each passing day. Nobody will ever read it, but yeah, this is a job that must get done, even if I become public enemy number one. Yes, Madam Justice, that is from another rap song. What, it’s not like I can tell you about the book series I’m liking, not loving, I ain’t Jacob. Now that guy has unconditional love but also unlimited power, ha. Rule 19 Love Is A Great Power but unconditionally… divinity.

God’s The Dream, Unconditional Love.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 144 ~Will Gets Very Math~

A great man once said, never tell me the odds. For now, I rather not know how many days there in the week. How many people aren’t dead yet. How many words do I need to catch up in NaNoWriMo… around 700. “Will Gets Very Math.”

Sunday, November 22, 2020

Gospel 144 ~Will Gets Very Math~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you’re still wondering what day it is. SIGH, I can’t say I envy you. You know, each week I want to leave you with hope. However, today you feel somewhat between “Fortunate Son” and Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down.” Then you can throw in NPH from Starship Troopers, who said something to the tune of this. It’s simple numbers; they have more. Everything and everyone is coming up with numbers. Only you know which one really concerns me about you.

Okay, as we get into my many failures this week, let’s keep in mind that we are on a time crunch here. You have 23 minutes before WWE’s Survivor Series. It ain’t like you’re going to watch all of it anyway, seeing as how today is for Walkers and Empties… TWD. However, must I remind you that you aren’t dead yet. Neither are you suicidal, but you are definitely envying the dead right now. Of course, that’s the wrong thing to say during the days of Coronavirus, COVID-19. Hell, even wishing for death is somewhat acceptable. Not what you’re doing when it comes to “Sinning The Cherry On Top.” Can you imagine if such trash was allowed to be published? Well, first off, it has to be written, and how is that going? I know even with 2000 words, you didn’t make Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 4
    Completed

Should you continue to be selfish. Maybe you should add in the rest of the world and its numbers. I swear if it wasn’t the spammers, every side is fighting from votes, viral, and of course, violence. You might prefer that to the days of actual Hell that await, biblical. Hotdogs don’t seem to be appeasing the Dæmon, and at what time did he get his last meds. Oh yeah, he also needs his nails trimmed. Why don’t we spend some money on black jeans so his Dad can continue to hold down a job? Humiliations galore await you, friend. Yet I’m still going to give you Six Impossible Things when you only need one. From the show that started it all, “The Walking Dead.” JSS Just Survive Somehow. It would help if you got some sleep or food, a shower but Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 5

You’re not a caveman or a homeless one. Endure and Survive, FOCUS, Do Whatever It Takes. Will Gets Very Math.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

So last week, around this time, I got 5400, and tonight there was 4300. I’m still not catching up to NaNoWriMo standards, but at least I’m not a liar when I put down 33,000 and some words total. Willing To Be Tired but not 700 words, but why not

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Gospel 143 ~Willing To Be Tired~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m not the usual Trump supporter. Let’s say for the record that I’m sorry I keep bringing up that piece of shit, which is the president. I’ve said a few times actually that he just creeps into everything daily. Speaking of which, it’s 10:50 PM right this second which means, I might be going to bed at 2:30 AM again tonight. My Lady Luna, I didn’t want to talk to you until I rectified things with NaNoWriMo from last night. Negan would say, “Today was a productive damn day.”

Okay, counting what I should have done last night (1900 Words). Also adding today’s total (2000 words) and this conversation (400). I’m only 700 short of doing a good work total of 5000. Don’t get excited, Lady Lu. I still hate Math and Language Arts. Surprisingly I continue to sound like a “Trumptard” by going against any form of knowledge.

On the other hand, those idiots will get up early to support him, and here I am, waking up at 8:30 AM. It was a struggle, I tell ya, trying to get my hair cut, go shopping, and let me repeat it… 4300 words, WHOA. But as Brandy sang about. “Almost doesn’t count.” Don’t get me started on music. Last night or the day before? Okay, how do I say this without going off the deep end of my addiction?

A “person” who said they would provide a service robbed a bunch of people. They got the sum of a million dollars. Now this person has, had, is building, hell if I know a music career. They did a song called “Lonely” which I have listened to and watched because I’m Will. I didn’t buy anything from them, but the fact I have it on Spotify and am now listening to Akon’s “Lonely.” So I went to get a haircut, which is only $10.00, but another person convinced me to get a shampoo and a scalp massage. That means I’m out of Ghost Pepper sauce for my BBQ ribs SIGH. Finally, there is an artist I have my eye on, which means I’ll be shelling out cash for Patreon, maybe. If I need anything right now, it’s a good night’s sleep, now that is funny. Not with this coming week.

But too exhausted for nightmares, Lu. Willing To Be Tired.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 142 ~The Write Will Lie~

I can’t believe I’m lying to NaNoWriMo. An eight-hour workday, plus picking up my kid’s meds, a pet store that doesn’t sell the right dog food. Then we got food poisoning from McDonald’s, but I got to read, and he took his meds. “The Write Will Lie.”

Friday, November 20, 2020

Gospel 142 ~The Write Will Lie~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but isn’t that a lie I write down every day? How many times are we going to have this conversation? About the things, I shouldn’t make notes of? I swear, I’m getting pushed more and more towards behaving like a Republican. “Dear Leader,” to be precise. You know who I’m talking about, our very own President Trump. I lie about my wealth, going on for years now, in the name of motivation. I make a bunch of promises that don’t account for anything. The most damning thing of all is that I’m failing to produce anything.

Now you are not Inspector Echo but allow me to confess this. I lied to NaNoWriMo tonight or this morning about my word count. It’s not the first time, and I have always made good but not this Saturday at 12:30 AM. Long story short, SIGH I’m tired, My Lady.
Speaking of my novel, I’m on Chapter Thirteen, “As American As Apple Pie.” We’ve got an explosion, what it means to be an American. There’s some torture I’m not allowed to speculate on, considering what it’s about. So why not elaborate while I’m wide awake? The only reason I’m wide awake is that come Sunday, I have to write FAILED, once again on my first of Six Impossible Things. My Addiction kicked my ass Lady Sophia and didn’t I say “Wednesday” that I needed to stop being down on myself?

Yet another lie, I said that I showed up, only to be down on myself. After the days I’ve been having at the Day Job, how could I not be? I wonder what would’ve happened if I signed any form for an overnight. Now I’ve signed my death warrant workwise. Interestingly enough, if I’m going to talk about a crappy employee like myself, what about McDonald’s. If they gave me a receipt and somehow, I found the time, I would complain about the food poisoning I got there again. My sickness routine should remain secret? What I won’t keep hide is this fact. That I want to get to bed at 2:30 AM tonight. That’s why I won’t hold my promise to NaNoWriMo. I’m promising myself that I’m going to get a haircut at the very least. Also, get some food that won’t kill me.

If failing NaNoWriMo doesn’t first. Hell, The Write Will Lie.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 140 ~Willing By The Days~

What day is it again? Now those MAGA Hats can, in the words of DX, “Suck It.” At the moment, I’m all for MWGA… doesn’t have the same ring. Not to mention I can’t remember the last time I felt great. “Willing By The Days”

Wednesday, November 18, 2020

Gospel 140 ~Willing By The Days~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that’s not why I forgot about you. If anything, I’m forgetting what it feels like to be okay. One of my motivations says, “You did not wake up today to be mediocre.” How I can say at this moment, why yes I did Inspector. Yesterday or today at four in the morning, I planned on doing a great many things. I need a haircut; I should go shopping as everyone is in an uproar. Now it ain’t all bad. I did do 1,900 words. I got my Imp to take his meds for once but will he again? No humiliations.

Now they will come, Inspector Echo. We’re heading into Thanksgiving next week. Can you believe that I actually remembered that? If I think I’m wiped out right about now, I’m in trouble, I’m in real big trouble, as the song goes. Endure and Survive, right? Inspector Echo, the thing is, I’m not sure I want to. No, as always, I’m not suicidal. Only I can’t name a whole lot of stuff that is bringing me joy right now. I have Eric Vall, but his books are saying, expect a twist. I fall asleep to Far Cry 5 stories, reviews, walkthroughs. Fighting my addictions are a bitch, pardon my French. I don’t have anything to be bragging about, and again I have my story to write. So here I am fighting for the days to fly-by, and I only have myself to blame for this mess.

Of course, I could stop, at this second, I want to lie in bed and do nothing. The good news is tonight I won’t be going to bed at 4:00 AM yet again. The bad news is, what will I be doing this weekend. I have a chance to catch up now. I could even do it tonight, but um? Yeah, that’s right. I’ll make promises, and then I’ll cut off my alarm and go right back to sleep. Oh, except for my occupation that’s going to treat me like garbage and make me despise myself. I keep going through Hell, and it’s much bigger than I could ever imagine. Strangely hate isn’t as strong as I hoped, and don’t talk to me about love right now, Inspector Echo. Sorry.

I get back to you only to be down on myself? Willing By The Days

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 139 ~Will Wants To Lie~

The more things change, the more they stay the same, let’s see, tired at 2AM. Not being the hero but rather humiliated all-day. A sleepy puppy, check. Where is his mom again? Hopefully watching another Walking Dead spinoff. Will Wants To Lie

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Gospel 139 ~Will Wants To Lie~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that means I’m a damn good liar now. Only I’m not the “Lord of War.” With the businesses I’m running, I’m never going to lie to you about that. Only I want to lie like some kid saying I’m not sleepy, but it’s after midnight. You won’t ever have to worry about lipstick on my collar unless you put it there. I’ve been in the study writing. I want to lie and say things are going well. But besides lying to NaNoWriMo about reaching my quota… I did after midnight. It wasn’t a good day.

I want to lie and say it was, though. I don’t like making people feel down on themselves. Yet with what I did then and now, it happens. Inigo Montoya puts it best with “Humiliations Galore.” That’s what happened all of today, and it sucks. Exhaustion comes fastest when you’re trying to forget everything. And I want to lie rather than tell you the story. At this rate, it’s even too late now. I want to lie and say I’m not to blame for everything, but when has that gone well for a man ever? Yeah, I messed up, ha.

Speaking of messing up and naps, when the kids lie down to sleep, I want to read them stories. You never know, maybe when they grow up, they won’t need to play Detroit: Become Human or Far Cry 5 in their heads. They lie happily.

I know that’s a curious way to put things, but I want to lie like my Dæmon. He cuddles up to my side, and there is no place else he rather be. Ok, I know this STUPID to compare you to my fur-baby but do you feel that way. Just lie here, forgetting the world. I want to lie like those men that know what to say to their wives. At the same time, I want you to be so “passionate” that I end up sleeping on the couch. There is are so much stuff that I haven’t experienced. However, having someone lie to me because they love me. Aren’t we always watching The Walking Dead series? To be more specific, The Walking Dead World Beyond. I don’t want to lie like Meat Loaf with Paradise By The Dashboard Light.

What time is it again, Love? Will Wants To Lie.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 138 ~Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab~

As Master Yoda put it, do or do not, there is no try. The legendary Sean Connery talked about losers “trying their best,” and I won’t say anything about a prom queen. Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab. Can somebody tell my fur-baby, but not his fault.

Monday, November 16, 2020

Gospel 138 ~Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab~

Hundred And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I were a doer. How I wish I could tell you I’m a doer right now, Madam Justice. I did read one of Eric Vall’s books. Another 15% is done. Before I came to talk to you today, I wrote 1900 words for NaNoWriMo. While I still haven’t caught up, I’m on par, and what’s the magic word today? I’m TRYING. Let’s not even discuss addictive behaviors; the things I had to do to get today’s writing done. Besides, canceling wrestling tonight.

I can’t say I was in the mood tonight, considering I read the Day Job’s schedule. Yeah, you know anger is surpasses “almost” every other emotion. Don’t get me started on Six Impossible Things, either. Again, I TRY and play by the rules, and what does it get me. Dammit, I do blame myself that I didn’t make the bed this morning, and so I climbed right back in. What about trying to give my Dæmon his meds today. Now that is a job that must get done, I heard in a song once. Only he is trying my patience. Yeah, didn’t make the bed. Let me get back into the Day Job, though. As always, I continue with humiliations galore, being something that I’m not. I’m not moving forward; I am running for my life from life. The novels I read and shows I watch are wrecking me daily.

At this point, there is not one thing in my life that I’m both liking and doing well. TRYING, though, even if it’s something like not being addicted to failure. For what successes I had today? I woke up bright and early, shut off my alarm, and jumped right back into bed. What the Hell am I DOING in my life? That’s a massive question. M. Anime texted me, but I still haven’t gotten through all her audio files. Meanwhile, the spam keeps flowing. I wonder how much I’ll find when I get around to posting this at what. 11:00? Now that’s being optimistic. If anything, I excel at DOING nothing, which makes me sound a lot like Ralph Wiggum, “That’s where I’m a Viking.” Speaking of Vikings, I always waste money on everything. Yep, games, and other “miscellaneous” activities.

But writing tonight, Madam Justice, do I feel any better? Trying Is Addicting, Doing Rehab.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 137 ~Will Gets His W~

How many years have I been writing again, how many NaNoWriMos have I won, my blog is how old? Yet here I am thinking 5000 words is too much because I want to watch Walking Dead spinoffs. “Will Gets His W.”

Sunday, November 15, 2020

Gospel 137 ~Will Gets His W~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now; for the moment, you’re looking for that WIN. Funny that you would think of that before WORRY or how about WIPEOUT. I didn’t find my pillow until 3:30 AM. Yeah, I really wanted a Grilled Chicken Salad that much. Today you want to win; only not as much as you want to WATCH, Fear The Walking Dead and The World Beyond tonight, right? Hell much as the song goes, “now I’m a believer Not a trace of doubt in my mind.” Zombies aren’t like WRESTLING… I can ignore that, background noise maybe.

Again and I can’t stress this enough. Ignore the old white guy. Yet I ask you to pay attention to Socrates and his ideas on how to obtain success. You know the old, when you want wisdom, success, money or whatever as badly as you want air, then it’s yours. Motivational speakers like Eric Thomas have been retelling that story time and again. But this afternoon, you’re all about learning to give up sleep. I’m asking you, begging, and pleading with you, “Stay with us. Stay the course!” I tell you quotes from white men? Now that might sound racist? Hell, it’s American history. Once upon a time, your favorite subject. Speaking of which, I speak for your novel characters, and what about the two white senators that crept in. There is also a Russian, and not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus 4 (Gnome Place Like Home) A.J. Markham
    Completed

From what you can tell by #6 I’m always buried in some book. How about your own again? So I could keep talking about what you need to do or go right ahead and do the damn thing like yesterday.

Okay, so last night, I stopped on Chapter Nine, A Couple Of Bad Apples. It will be Dr. Sarah Annora Haven’s perspective, and I’m somewhere in the vicinity of 20,100 words. For reference, I should be at 25,000 by now to make it to 50,000 by the month’s end SIGH. With Chapter Ten, I do need to pick out a name for Mr. Fae. So With Sarah, I may focus on The Rule Of Two, like Star Wars Sith, and please stop me, or we’ll be here all day long. Mr. Fae is still seeking his revenge, and nobody seems to have problem severing limbs. But doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Catching Up With My NaNoWriMo Novel “Sinning The Cherry On Top.”
  5. I AM Writing A New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Succubus Lord 4

Like last night, Whatever It Takes. Will Gets His W.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 136 ~Don’t Stop Will Now~

Last week I said that I couldn’t get 5000 words down… AHEM 5400, but it’s past midnight, and at this rate, I might as well be all Forrest Gump “since I’ve gone this far.” Man cannot live on a cup of popcorn shrimp. Don’t Stop Will Now

Saturday, November 14, 2020

Gospel 136 ~Don’t Stop Will Now~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and to be honest, I’m not having a good time. More Money, More Problems, as the song goes. Well, with one-word irk, “Writing.” Allow me to be a broken record in this, More Writing, More Writing. Indeed 5000 words Lady Lu. I owe you an apology Lady Lu because you see what time it is 11:45 PM. Yeah, I was having too good a time until 2:00 PM, I suppose, when I decided to start working. I’m still in the hole by about um yep another 5000 words. Only I promised.

Last night, I said I would use this weekend to catch up. If I keep up this pace? As always, I know that I can get it done if I want to. That’s like saying I can finally get My Dæmon to take his meds. I still haven’t found a sure-fire method for either being real. Now, as far as writing goes, okay, one I know I can get this done if I simply buckle down and do the damn thing. Two, I don’t know why I’m trying so hard when I know how I’ll feel with the end result. Three SIGH, I’ll pay for a NaNoWriMo shirt. Why do I want to earn it so badly? All I know is right now is that everything hurts, and if I stop for a second, I’m never going to get this done. Now that scares me because it’s like the Day Job. If you’re going through Hell, you don’t stop for anything ever. Enjoying the view?

It’s why I tried my strategy of “Build The World In Thirty Days” for once. The title could use some tuning, but in my story, I’m only going between the United States and the U.K.

So NOT around the world, and I’m definitely not saving it, not my limited “Willpower.” One of the motivations I once listened to would say you only need three words. “Whatever It Takes.” I could also add to that “Burn The Boats.” While I’m looking for inspiration, it would explain why I’ve been watching Star Trek: DS9, Pacific Rim, DBH.

Hell, I’ve even been getting into the jams of the “cult classics” ha-ha in Far Cry 5. What’s one more pop culture reference AHEM, Where The Red Fern Grows Lu. God pushed over my tree, “WRITE,” Don’t Stop Will Now.

I Will Have No Fear