Gospel 005 ~What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself~

I avoid mirrors like the “plague,” but that’s because I know who I am like I’m some sort of vampire. I have been called plenty worse, and yet I continue ever forward because, as the song goes, “And I Can’t Help Myself,” but also. What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself

Monday, July 6, 2020

Gospel 005 ~What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself~

Hundred And Forty-Forth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and what’s my name? Yesterday I talked about a friend, a good guy that said “the Will thing” is overplayed. Last week I asked the question, could one ever get sick and tired of money. To these things, I will answer. Tell me I could only write things like Gulp, The Safe Word Is, and Miss Someday for the rest of my life. You know I want to be in love, but at the same time, I know what I want out of life. What about ending up like, “Dad?” If I couldn’t be me, Madam Justice, well you’ll see life’s Hell.

Be Yourself, isn’t that what everyone says? My Big Sister told me, you can’t build a strip club by a school. I took her words to heart, and I understand. The thing is, at this stage in the game, I would have to destroy everything, all that I am. My friend, my sister, even Indiana Gone, don’t fully understand the person that I am. Don’t get me started on my “charming” family. Now I have My Dæmon, of course, and he understands my love for him, but what else? Indiana Gone watched “Of Inner Demons” with me, but even she doesn’t know my depravity. Then there are the times I have to pretend, and we all do. Sometimes I think I’m too damn good at it, which explains the Day Job. I then look at those I do care for, and what happens? The Rainbow Girl, MILF Dos, do I have to continue Madam Justice?

Cherry talked about being a stalker, and in a way, I know I’m the same. I told Indiana Gone that I’m the type of guy who will watch a porno flick for the fashion choices. When I watch porn or get off, I have to know everything about a girl, name, age, measurements, etc. It helps with my novels because that’s the only way I’ll ever know them. At the same time, I don’t because I turn them into what the story demands. It should be a Hell worthy trespass to do that. At the same time, forgetting who you are to be what someone needs. Nobody needs me, but they all make me out to be, well, something vile.

I’m going to Hell for plenty, but being remembered honestly? What Is Hell, Forgetting Yourself

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 004 ~You Feel What’s Will~

How are you… I swear I need to put that phrase on the list of my most hated words. Usually, when somebody asks me, I either want to say something with an “F” attached and no, I don’t mean FINE unless it comes with a pretty girl. You Feel What’s Will.

Sunday, July 5, 2020

Gospel 004 ~You Feel What’s Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and like my many motivations, let me give you this advice. If you can believe in such, you can have it. Sometimes I don’t know what type of “saying” is worse. Some CONFUSE. How about those that have CONTINUED since forever. No, I would have to say, it’s the ones that you CONCOCT yourself. Let’s be honest though, they all come off as confusing in the end. No one will take you for a PROPHET, a PULITZER prize winner, or a PORNOGRAPHER. The thing is, what you feel in this one moment.

So what brought this on? We’ll get to that in due time, but for now, let’s speak of the wise. Those that talk about being yourself, follow your heart, burn the boats, and other things. How about, in one ear and out the other? You’ll always be one to blame yourself first. These words, spoken by the successful invoke such feelings. Only then, at the same time, your emotions aren’t valid. Your desires are wrong, that’s what they’ll say. It’s all too much that you overwhelm them. Well, how do they expect you feel all the time? I’m repeating myself because you know that they don’t care. It’s one of the reasons, the words “How are you” ring so hollow. Why do they bother asking at all? People pay psychologists, they fund their pornographic passions, hell the police to listen. And you, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Mow Both Lawns Before The End Of The Week
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover
    Failed

One out of six, and I want to make excuses for not hearing myself. I know this week you’ll do the same thing. You need your rest, something else will pop-up, the Day Job did its thing and what hmm? You’ll cave to Kendall Kross “The Graduate.” Imagine Momokun or Chelsea “Casting Couch-HD” as Cherry? What about Arielle Ferrera, Gia Steel, Violet Myers even Jade Jantzen? I guess you can see what I’ve been doing with my morning. I had a friend talk about expanding cultural horizons a day or so ago. I’m still missing two girls, but you feel there is something you can do about it. I’ll admit talking to a pornstar. Or drooling over Tifa Lockhart, and Aerith Gainsborough isn’t helping. The point is to feel, that’s what sex does so why not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 007 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Mow Both Lawns Before The End Of The Week
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover

The money, the power, then the women, now that’s wise so You Feel What’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

What’s it like to be free? Would I say I’m free? I mean, I’m not at the “Day Job” for once. I could fall asleep if I so chose. Hell, I know what I really want to do, but I’m abstaining for some reason. “Will To Be Free,” of addiction, anxiety, aching

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I wish. My motivations would say, don’t chase money but follow your purpose. More to the point, I face down my goals every day, and you know what those are. Yabbos… talk about freedom and independence or maybe not.

Red eyes, my attempts at blushing, and being a horny male, prevent deep thoughts. I apologize that everything keeps returning to sex. It beats RAGE, doesn’t it. As long as it’s me and My Dæmon, whatever do I have to be mad about? Now I mentioned red eyes, and they both relate to the same “problem.” One, I’m tired because I’m all about PORN, and this will be day six of NO FAP. What am I not fapping to? Well, you know how I enjoy making my lists leading nowhere:

  1. Tifa Lockhart
  2. Aerith Gainsborough
  3. Liz Vicious
  4. MILF Dos
  5. Cherry
  6. Serah Farron
  7. Ellie, Dina
  8. Sesskasays
  9. New Purchases

That’s another thing, Lady Luna, like the word Yabbos, I’m digging on the number NINE. The NINE women I did wrong, or that’s all I can remember. Well, today is all about remembrance and celebration.

White or right… a Freudian slip or an observation? Now before you get excited, you what white reminds me of. I’m all for Black Lives Matter, but I love me a white girl. Not now, but when I start seeing with my heart instead of other portions of my anatomy. Hell, last night was touch and go because of that picture that started me on the road to Tifa. I found who made it and spent $15.00 on the collection. I swear I do everything for the Yabbos. Hold on, but I’m slobbering, spitting, snarling like an animal. So reasons I PUT ON THE MASK.

Blue Balls, though, are hurting, so I don’t have time for the Coronavirus (COVID-19). One disease or addiction at a time. The government is giving up, but I still believe I can do better. My legs crossed in bed, phone off, fighting the urges, porn is everywhere, and hiding it would break me without question. I should also mention my depression over my story, I mean how far did I get last night? I have characters to free from my mind, but then what exactly?

Red, White, Blue, I want GREEN, Will To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 002 ~Plot Not Playboy Will~

I talked about repeating myself, blah, blah PORN, *cue Charlie Brown adults* wah, wah, which is what I might as well be writing instead of the real-life adventures of a not so young Will. Plot Not Playboy Will.

Friday, July 3, 2020

Gospel 002 ~Plot Not Playboy Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what am I doing with my primary two sources of income. Writing and women, no, I’m afraid I’m still stuck with the Day Job. Again no, but the story of my life isn’t getting any better and who’s at fault. I found my antagonist, yep.

He’s the guy who only today, got a new pair of boots and what about food? Remind me never to order from East Buffet again. I still miss the Red Lantern. East Buffet’s curry chicken is neither spicy nor overall appetizing. Somehow they got three stars from me, and I don’t have the time to write yet another review. Hell, I don’t have the time to finish the one I’ve been promising from the Logs to now the Gospels. The word is growing on me, but what isn’t moving is my new novel. It’s day three, and I’m already falling behind with Chapter Two. At least I can say I did a good deed for someone else rather than becoming the villain. I returned a lost phone, but was that by the goodness of my heart? As always, I was guided by FEAR, of my own loss and of getting caught thieving or even hacking.

Why steal when I’m sitting on $1,335.00 from saving up half the year? If I’m hacking anything, it would be between some girl’s… yeah, today ain’t Thursday. It’s so HARD, though… NO FAP. I still miss MILF Dos, I can’t deny that. I thought about reaching out to Cherry, but I reined that in. I haven’t quit cold turkey though considering Nagoonimation, which was only $5.00 but is worth far more. Final Fantasy VII has been a driving force and not because of the story. I have never played it.

So what about Too Late and For A Fine Cherry Spread? Lady Sophia, I have to make it through the end of the week. Seven days and what, my biggest streak lately was thirty, and so far, I’ve barely made it one day. Seeing as how this is a new year though I am trying, I swear it. Even as I say this, though, where am I? You guessed it, downloading Nagoonimation’s animations. I always need to know the end of a story, right? Where to begin though Lady Sophia.

I’m only good at finishing um, Plot Not Playboy Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 366 ~The Biggest Willie Ever~

I would have thought my last conversation of three years would be something. I don’t know, spectacular, but it’s past midnight now, which means it’s the anniversary of Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom. “The Biggest Willie Ever,” hmm?

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Log 366 ~The Biggest Willie Ever~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but isn’t that a lie? The closing of the year and today is not a day for lies. Okay, no day is, to be honest. As Tom Bilyeu put it, Every Moment Is a Moment for Courage. So there are three things I will confess as if I hadn’t before SIGH.

First and foremost, I started this blog because a girl called me Skeevy. Now that was the Basic Bitch. Second is the fact that I couldn’t stop writing even if I wanted to. Words Are Power, never forget that. Last is that in three years, what have I accomplished, NOTHING!

If I were one to reread my prior works… No wonder that my editing process sucks. I’ve chased off at least two women, hell three, maybe four. The Rainbow Girl, Okay, MILF Dos, and Cherry. They all sort of blend together these days. There isn’t even a potential on the horizon. I’ve lost quite a bit of money, which reminds me I still need to check with “Adam & Eve” for more submissive clothing. Today would be an excellent day to quit Fapping. I started Sunday, and of course, here I am again with the time travel. How about around this time I said I would have GULP published? I’m still at the dreaded Day Job, which is why I’m here so early. Is this a celebration, I mean Thursday will be the start of year four. Is my writing getting any better, my heart?

Yeah, I’m still making sex jokes, aren’t I? Today is the start date of Camp NaNoWriMo, so am I too tired. If anything, I did show courage today (Monday). I got my haircut. Not as much as I would like, still baby steps. What sort of steps should I be taking here after three years Inspector Echo? I’ve been at my damn Day Job for eight years. I just like the torture, right? However, with you and the girls, I’ve been here almost every day, and 366 days is proof enough of that. I’ve given you the reasons I showed up, so why do I stay after all this time. I don’t know how to shut up? Perhaps there isn’t a big enough apology. SIGH, I am sorry, Inspector Echo. Three years isn’t enough time?

No more room in Hell for The Biggest Willie Ever?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 365 ~No Ma’am, That’s Will~

I can’t say I have much experience, meeting a girl’s parents, and after all, I’m still in mourning over one mom. At my Day Job, it’s nothing but “Yes Ma’am” and “No Ma’am.” You would think I have creative pet names. “No Ma’am, That’s Will.”

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Log 365 ~No Ma’am, That’s Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s because I never want to say, “no Ma’am” ever again. I don’t want to say yes Ma’am or Sir, either. Do I sound, disrespectful, delusional, or dumb? When I first met you, what did I say? Was I smooth like Luther Vandross. “Excuse me miss, but what’s your name?” I’m not as young Tevin Campbell was when he sang, “Can we talk for a minute, Girl I want to know your name.” Now shall I get all poetic with William Shakespeare, and what not?

You see My Love and don’t I call you that often enough? Anyway, my mother raised a gentleman with somewhat mixed results. It’s not that I want to be disrespectful to women or my elders, no let them keep all that. One more reason I got out of retail. Now, of course, with the business I’m in, I call women all sorts of things, but I never forget. You Baby Girl, and I know some people consider that title creepy like Baby Doll and the like. Hell, one of my best friends, I call her Honey Bunny. I wonder, does she remember when I introduced her to Pulp Fiction? Ringo/Pumpkin and Yolanda/Honey Bunny. What was I saying about being a gentleman again? A gentleman shouldn’t bring up other women or kiss and tell. I never did that with “The Nine.” As with you and me, though, I’m still not sharing.

Okay, so I’m learning to love my name again. If anything, I love hearing it come from your lips. I could talk about a few other names, but that’s more of a Thursday thing. Again if I ever start scheduling “relations,” feel free to shoot me. However, if you wanted to make a cute pet name for me like Shelby from Girlfriend Reviews for her boyfriend. I would be all for that. What about teaching the kids how to address people? Why can’t they all be like My Firstborn? I’m a Southern Man and as always one for tradition. Not Confederate history, but I mean manners. So yeah, yes sir, no sir, Ma’am or Ms., Please and Thank You. I know Baby Girl, I don’t like dealing with most people. I’m sure our children will have friends calling me Mr. at some point, I’m sure.

I’m a man, lover, friend, daddy, No Ma’am, That’s Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 364 ~A Definition Of Hell, Repetition~

As the song goes, Every day is exactly the same, and if it works for the damned, denounced, and the dead, who am I to disagree? It’s life, it’s the Day Job, the disease, the dystopia which is plenty more fun in books. A Definition Of Hell, Repetition

Monday, June 29, 2020

Log 364 ~A Definition Of Hell, Repetition~

Hundred And Forty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but can one ever get bored with money? I see dollars, like I see “Dirty Pillows,” as I see dreams. Before I woke up this afternoon, it was my grandmother holding Baby Yoda or a Gremlin. Anyway, let me ask this question, where am I right now? Where was I Sunday morning, Saturday, how about tomorrow? You ask me why I am complaining while having a roof over my head and a bed. At least I woke up on time this afternoon. Today it was Final Fantasy VII Porn and Sex Dolls, yesterday it was more lunch.

Do you get why I say “Another Day” at the Day Job? If anything, that’s a compliment. Every time I walk in, well, congratulations, that’s the worst day of my life. I should finish reading “Too Late” and get back into my motivations. Another Day is me hoping for better. The world isn’t helping, though. I wish I could say something profound and inspirational, but what do we have. Racism at all corners, one more reason to stay inside. Can’t forget about Coronavirus (COVID-19) like other people. The President is in trouble as always. Now that brings me back to porn. The more I attempt to avoid it, the more it finds me, and yeah, at this point, I’m still on day one. I swear I’m going insane, but if I can get past the week. Yeah, I’m laughing too.

I should be thinking about getting past the month with Camp NaNoWriMo. So what will I be writing about for my next novel, can you guess? Brothels, Blood, and the Brotherhood or Fatherhood of a man and his Snoopy. Should I be thinking about the next woman, I’m going to piss off. One more week, and I still haven’t heard from MILF Dos or Cherry. How about if I finally get the courage to call Supercuts before the country goes back into lockdown. What about my boss who hasn’t said anything, so as the song goes, Why Should I Worry? Tonight though, will be more of the same, will it not? A TV Dinner and maybe a Hot Pocket? I’ll watch Snowpiercer because today is still Sunday, so I’m back to time travel. In the end, though, It Doesn’t Matter.

I’m running but not getting nowhere because of this rut? Nearly one more year down. A Definition Of Hell, Repetition

I Will Have No Fear

Log 363 ~And I Will, Tomorrow~

If you ever asked me what I am doing tomorrow, I’ll be in bed. My dream job would involve somebody in bed. Tell me about the good life, and I would want to jump out of bed as much as to climb back in. And I Will, Tomorrow, ha

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Log 363 ~And I Will, Tomorrow~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but you will be tomorrow, won’t you? As long as you’re better at making decisions than I was, say yesterday. Hell, I spent four hours debating between a Piggie Potato, Chicken Tenders, and Pizza. Which one did I choose? A Ham & Cheddar Hot Pocket and a bag of popcorn and why? Because you’ll sit right here at 4 AM saying tomorrow, “And what does that get you—NOTHING.” I wish but congratulations, you’re going to Hell.

Tomorrow you’ll give up FAPPING and what happens? It hasn’t been twenty-four hours, but all you have to do is pick up your phone. See, I like that fear that courses through you, that Paranoia! Cha-Cha-Cha. Better the sweat of your brow than other secretions. Speaking of which, tomorrow you will work for what you want, isn’t that right? Shouldn’t you be writing, and I mean more than us having this petty conversation. Camp NaNoWriMo begins this week, and you would never fail that would you? Yeah, as you would never fail to get up each and every morning. To go to the FREAKING Day Job that you hate because you know tomorrow and the day after, the year, your life. Such a thing you are in Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 032 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM NOT Going To Spend All Week Crying But Making Up…
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late by Colleen Hoover
    Failed

One point, only because you’re still breathing, and I don’t mean easy even in your bed. Tomorrow you’ll get out of bed and walk down to the dining room table? I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry at the thought. Now you would cry over MILF Dos’s Yabbos. Okay, let’s think with the other head, namely the one on top. Will you have the guts to call and get an appointment for a haircut? SIGH, now that’s a grander debate than wanting to order food, isn’t that right? Between getting new boots, your ears lowered. Or buying that Norah Lace French Top and Flutter Tap Panty. It’s not like you’ll have a submissive to wear it anytime soon. I suppose tomorrow you’ll be Emeric Marceaux from Dark Notes, am I right? How about another song? “You’ll find a woman, and you’ll find love.” How about you find out about these Six Impossible Things.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Mow Both Lawns Before The End Of The Week
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late, Colleen Hoover

In the end, you don’t want to hmm… There’s always another day, and you know what Stephen King said about Hell. That’s still today, so escaping, And I Will, Tomorrow?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

I hate these words probably as much as my Day Job “Another Day,” and that means I’m still breathing and not wasting my breath trying to be, well me. One day when I’m drowning in cash. A Breath Of Will

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can breathe without it. I Can’t Breathe, are dangerous words, and that’s why I prefer to keep my mouth shut. When I take in the air to speak, um, that hasn’t been going to well lately. Hell, aren’t my fingers an even bigger problem?

As you know, I started NO FAP yet again. Yeah, I’m in that 24 Hour state of clarity. Lady Lu, as the song goes, I’ll never fall in love again. I’m starting to remember all those years ago when I discovered RealDoll. Now, this might be more of a confession for Inspector Echo, but with all, I’ve admitted? I did enter the RealDoll give away for the summer. What, are you going to change my mind? I swear Lady Luna I’m not one of these “Incel” creeps. Over the past week, though, MILF Dos isn’t talking to me, and neither is Cherry. Two other girls don’t give me the time of day. It puts a whole new spin on “take my breath away.” More like I’m giving it away, and what about GULP? Did I get enough to eat yesterday, which is why I’m energized this morning? I Can’t Breathe.

I know not funny, like that dumbass political so and so. If it’s not women robbing me of my breath, it’s My Dæmon. Yes, he’s my handsome little boy, but he’s also an old man. Yesterday I thought he was getting sick yet again. I swear I hold my breath when he jumps from the bed or uses the stairs. I wonder how do I even get to sleep at night, and he’s right here beside me. I swear if it’s not a woman talking to me, it’s watching my kid’s little chest heave, up-down. He lives, and yet I say Luna, I Can’t Breathe.

How I wish I could say something righteous or anything that might mean anything someday. Why not work on my story, make money, buy a made girl, or actual MILF? We’ll see, won’t we, when I get back walking my child. I should breathe easy now that hey, I put some new shoes on. Funny, my stinky boots didn’t bother me when I went out yesterday. With the plague and being a black man, but I wasn’t holding my breath. Walking on eggshells, broken glass, take A Breath Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 361 ~Told By A Willie~

It’s a tale told by an idiot or will be in about five days. Three years of writing this blog, with around 400 words each day, SIGH. What do I have left to say other than being a broken record player? Told By A Willie, ha

Friday, June 26, 2020

Log 361 ~Told By A Willie~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that would mean I could stop listening to my Willy one day. You know, my Wang, my monster, and Pedro. All my life, it seems I’ve been listening to one Willie or another. The one in my pants, my fears, and of course, my “father.”

Let’s start with my favorite and my worst. It should be said that I’m not a racist, and I’m not only saying that being a Black “Man” in the deep south. Wang and Pedro, for example. I’m not looking up Wang, I looked up Willie once today, and Pedro reminds me of Varsity Blues. Black Lives Matter, but what was I doing with mine last night? An excuse, but “something” happened and between three different women. Mia Khalifa in Graduating Summa Cum Loud, Final Fantasy VII Remake – Hot Tifa Lockhart – Part 48 and my current “obsession.” Hell Lady Sophia, I rubbed one out, so I’m not telling a story of being clean. Right now, my NO FAP story is only eleven hours. What am I going to do when Camp NaNoWriMo rolls around in July?

Oh yeah, that’s one more thing I’m scared of. Besides not keeping it in my pants, I’ve told you about my shoe/feet problem. So that means I’m going to have to get off my ass and go shopping at some point today. Now that explains why I’m talking to you right now. I’m scared of walking into the gas station with a mask on, so yeah, I had to work that out. I still haven’t called about a haircut. As always, I’m worried about My Dæmon. How many times do I have to carry him downstairs? The spam links keep coming, but as far as I know, all is well. Lady Sophia, that’s one of my greatest fears. I will be sitting right here again next year, writing in my bed. Five more days and I will have been telling my story for three years.

A tale told by an idiot if my father had his say. Yeah, I’m not allowing him on my Facebook, and did I mention I’m still blocked by MILF Dos. The fear of losing her has come and gone. I go back and forth between sending more money, trying again, a story without any end.

Why do I deserve an ending, Told By A Willie?

I Will Have No Fear