Log 088 ~Pressing Matters For Will~

Not so worried about today as I am tomorrow, sort of a make or break moment and what will it lead to, more words and when those words are said, written, typed, will I be free, happy, or only stuck, so much on the way. “Pressing Matters For Will”

Friday, September 27, 2019

Log 088 ~Pressing Matters For Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but I wanna be a Billionaire as the song goes. It’s as easy as pressing a button at the Day Job today. A Revelation if you will; also it’s my favorite book in the Bible. No, I haven’t cracked open a Bible in months, maybe a year. The closest I’ve got is the “Bunny Bible” in Dennis Hof’s book. It’s quite the enlightening read but as I’ve said, pressing matters. For example, one million dollars that’s my song of choice isn’t it “If I Had $1,000,000” by the Barenaked Ladies ha.

Hell, I have the chance to see a bare naked lady tomorrow. Why is it I’m worrying more about my dream job than I do the Day Job? It’s the difference between digging a grave and breaking through the glass ceiling as “THEY” say. To quote another song, “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” I remember Chris Rock talking about being black in America. You for damn sure better be doing something positive (LANGUAGE). Something that both jobs have in common somehow. I wouldn’t say I’m doing a good thing now. Well, I wasn’t a while ago drooling over Violet Myers. It’s always research Lady Sophia. If I get a girl to do a shower scene, that means I need those pretty bottle washes. A girl’s make-up and hair will get screwed up in a nude scene. I’m learning, aren’t I?

The thing is I don’t mind worrying about such things, while on the Day Job I worry about everything. How about money, one of the managers begging me to come in tomorrow. I’m going after the Dream rather than the Day. So what was I doing going to sleep? I always feel so lazy. Didn’t I work seven hours for them but don’t want to give a moment to myself. Press a button and open a book to a great man. No, I instead continue to replay the words of people I hate. Of course, this leads me back to today because I don’t hate a million dollars. Lady Sophia, I want so much more, but I’m scared to go out there and get it, fucking comfort zone (LANGUAGE). I press pen to paper, so many buttons, my head on a pillow, but what am I saying or publishing SIGH.

Life’s Pressing Matters For Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

What do you want to be someday and I don’t think a father ever made my list but maybe a Power Ranger, and now I want to be a PIMP but in my dreams what did I become I’m still asking? Will We Be Heroes

Friday, June 21, 2019

Episode 355 ~Will We Be Heroes~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, which is why B III is sleeping on my lap. How much do I want to relax after today’s events? Last night wasn’t any easier; strange dreams. You see one more reason I don’t have nightmares usually is because I’m the monster. I was plenty scared today and last night. Well, long story short, I don’t know what hero I was Lady Sophia. They were all there, Captain America, Spiderman, Black Panther, others. The thing is though in the dream, in a book of heroes, I couldn’t find myself at all.

Now forgive my BLASPHEMY, but for a moment I thought I was Stan Lee. How dare I but I don’t ever write about heroes. You know what they say about heroes and legends. Of course, there has to be someone there to write about all their great deeds. What heroic actions did I take today other than saving my son from a tummy ache? How about facing down people and not killing them? How about going back to Taco Bell after complaining. Somehow keeping my shit together (LANGUAGE) looks like Captain America is back. In my dream, the deed I remember is Spiderman escaping a house explosion. I swear up to the moment I woke up; I was trying to identify myself. I’m an Employee, Father, Consumer, Writer, so what’s wrong with this picture, Sophia.

Is that a question I should be asking today? My panic over B III kept me from worrying about other things. Take, for example, the Gallery List I didn’t share. I was probably reading the wrong book and should have gone looking for villains. That’s how I see myself at work sometimes when as CJ put it, I listen to that hardcore gangsta shit (LANGUAGE). I still have my list of would-be evildoers, according to society. In the end, though I’ll always see myself as the worst. Only I don’t remember any criminals in my dream. There was fire though that reminds me of my novel, Apocalypse Rush. Even so, I met some evil people today. Well one of them did help Triple B so how can I consider that man terrible? Have I failed my little boy once again?

Which brings me back to Stan Lee and how he would only watch. I moved when I had to do what was right. I was a father, but still, I ask, Will We Be Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 230 ~Will Puddin, Published, Genius~

Put your money where your mouth is, excellent advice considering my situation, and ten bucks; a salve for an itch I can’t scratch o maybe like a cat that’s what paper is for and even now a voice is yelling, stop that. Will Puddin, Published, Genius

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Episode 230 ~Will Puddin, Published, Genius~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, they keep staring me in the face. Her boobs, that boing in my pants, and books that remain unpublished and why. I’m not the good guy, the god-fearing man or a genius… aren’t I supposed to be positive after yesterday’s rant?

“All I wanted was to see her naked!” ―
Girl All The Bad Guys Want

https://www.patreon.com/Courtcarmody

Luna I have, don’t you know, not as much as I would like. I’m never going to let that go right; quite presidential, you start messing with people’s money, and it’s over. Court Carmody sigh compared to the MILF. The things men will do for boobs, because we are boobs and that ladies in gentlemen is the English language. Of course, that’s not as bad as my Math. Though $10.00 beats, um well; let it go, Elsa, am I right? So besides sex, money is on my mind, and again with the motivations. Don’t follow the money, but the purpose and I sit here having an inception moment. Remember all the people I blamed yesterday, and I told “Indiana Gone” today who I would most like to be? Larry Flynn, Hugh Hefner, Ron Jeremy, Dennis Hof, and another guy I’m better off not naming, again.

Okay, you get it a fat rich white guy that gets to have plenty of sex. These are men who have cash from young women getting nude being on camera, and working in cat-houses. That’s why I’m brainstorming or being lazy, your call. Anyway as I was having a conversation with Indiana Gone, I told her my dream. I have to get published, starting producing books like I’m S. Wolf, Skye Warren, and Larry Flynn combined. Until I can afford photographers, property, then head west. Everything Dennis Hof had, I want that lifestyle. No not the show but movies no doubt, a “love hotel” like they have in Japan, and with all this, I still want the love of family.

I’m not stupid, I’m staying positive, but I’m not a genius, I am a guy with a penis. Hell if I last the day, the first week of No Fap once again and I even finished Lolita. I was telling “Cherry” today who fashions herself a Lolita… she’s twenty-one, and I’ve never seen her boobs. Anyway, I was telling her that word here can lead to trouble. Since my whole bad teeth “realization” why is it that even my fingers are shutting up these days. Things I shouldn’t say like last night. I’m still thinking about my taste in women. They are either innocent virgins or women with bad sexual histories. Ironically I have seen all four of those women naked. Two I didn’t pay for but again how do I turn this into profit. I’ve offered both MILFS a deal, one though has her reasons and the other? I’m not shelling out that type of cash again. Because at least for now, or I would like to be, I’m only Will Puddin, Published, Genius.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

As the song goes, don’t dream it’s over but my dream last week did nothing to ready me for what I would face this week though I am trying to figure it out, these hands have been bawled into fists or clutching weapons. “An Hour Of Will”

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, it would help if I went to work, and I have faith if I could ever get my writing down that I would be so much better off, or at least that was the dream. Speaking of which, since I had that dream Sunday, I have lived the nightmare, and I’m still trying to figure it out, but my sleep has returned to a state of nothingness; every so often I am even able to forget the trouble I am in this week, the next, never?

You see now I think the hospital symbolizes that somebody was going to get hurt, and nobody would believe this if I told them but if you compare me and that asshole you see he would have fought to win, but you know how violent I go Lady Lu… Didn’t I say the smallest dog has the loudest bark but “my bite” what else do they say; the fact that I was running in a hospital shows that I didn’t plan on dying, I Don’t Fear The Reaper, death is afraid of me I know.

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” ― Mark Twain (Found On Goodreads)

“In this life now, you kill or you die…or you die and you kill” TWD

Others might think I’m losing my head Lady Luna and in a way, I am because what’s my new favorite word… RAGE is making me forget all common sense; I need my job and hell how long was I in college anyway, maybe I was running away from wisdom in the dream. Then again why is it that all supervillains seem to be “wicked smart” if I had fought, already I know exactly how I would have beaten that bastard, it’s like something out of Detroit: Become Human and talk about stupidity, if I got fired though I definitely would have gone on a shopping spree to cheer myself up.

I have no problem with telling you what I would do afterward, fighting that trash though you see he would have been brawling. Instead, I would have been… I can’t say it because that would get flagged as something else, which is why I write fiction mostly. Killing fictional people is so much simpler, and I have no problem baring that part of myself to you or maybe I let my emotions get the better of me at work and I let them see the beast, a peek, a glance.

The time I have spent being angry and afraid, when like Barney Stinson I could be awesome, which is about as much positivity that you’re going to get from me today but what do you think of my dream interpretation but An Hour Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 098 ~Will To Bear Arms~

Roll up your sleeves; my hands should get dirty, last night I didn’t have an excuse considering I was naked running around a college campus or a hospital… relax I was dreaming, but I shouldn’t be doing either. “Will To Bear Arms.”

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Episode 098 ~Will To Bear Arms~

To Will:
How to make One Million Dollars, I am not a prophet, and you’re not looking like much of anything these days but to be fair, I called the bad news which never seems to end and the good news… what good news? I’m still one for dreaming though, and while it wasn’t a nightmare per se, the last dream predicted trouble at work, though I didn’t know why… because I wasn’t wearing “excessive happiness,” this time I wasn’t wearing anything *gulp* naked really?

Last week I was told to be positive and in the very same thought I was told I was dying, Monday was the last day of the glass being half-full, hell I started with such passion, the two reviews are nearly done, except for keywords, excerpts, pictures, etc. Maybe that’s what the dream was about last night, but we’ll get to that; sometimes I wonder, do you even understand what I’m trying to say, nobody else gets it, and you will have the same excuses come next Sunday. As I said so many people are losing everything, and here you are, I would tell you not to give into temptation but between Fapping, pretty girls who talk a good “game” and a difficult time reading, *sigh* read Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey, K. Webster
Failed
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
Failed
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Failed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

One point again; now maybe the dream last night was saying that you’re taking on too much stuff, hell I didn’t want to stand so I took a bath and keeping with the bad karma, the Wi-Fi cut out when I sat; yes I said karma because of this great rage. Considering I was running around naked on a college campus/hospital maybe you need to get smarter and healthier, or you’re not dead yet because the whole damn world is beginning is starting to feel like a cemetery. It could even be the understanding that I talk too damn much sometimes; I bare or again bear too much, one way or another you will get hurt if something doesn’t change but not Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

So what should this week be about, or will you be like Moses and Ramses and call the next plague, that’s why you’ve been on Amazon, Best Buy and Walmart sites; you say you care about being a writer and what are you doing? This morning you saw what matters and don’t say it because you don’t want to jinx yourself but do you have what it takes, to survive this week, the rage is still there but your hands, your arms, have a higher destiny, Will To Bear Arms.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 018 ~Do You Lust Me~

I always feel like, somebody’s watching me as the song goes and I wonder what they’re doing because I doubt it’s anything sexy and even if they loved me, would they admit to something like this? Do You Lust me?

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Episode 018 ~Do You Lust Me~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to be a sex symbol other than the entire world going blind; how I’ve found myself in the mirror plenty for a couple of days and Saturday all I can see is fear, and it’s cuter than me, dammit. When I was a teenager there was this girl that sat with me at lunch, we rarely talked, and I can’t say I was attracted to her in the slightest, but my ‘father” asks how did I know how she sees me and yeah I don’t know honestly.

I’ve known maybe one girl in two years possibly who openly told me that she wanted to fuck me and you want to know how does it feel for me to hear that, honestly they should bottle such an emotion. On the other hand, I honestly need to know when to shut the fuck up, playing games with another girl, and I got her and her giggly friend to look me up on Facebook, and that’s all she wrote there. Let’s call her Zibby to my Jesse, the same girl that got me going but no I haven’t told her off yet Dirty Diana, that’s one fear I haven’t had to face as of yet, and the thing is what if I’m still 100% clueless?

Lost Without U, I’ve said some stupid things to girls to be quite honest, and we still remember the bitch who I haven’t looked up at all this year; I’ve never tracked people down, or hidden in dumpsters. Okay this is more of a conversation for Inspector Echo, and I’ve probably already had it, and with you too, the desire to have some girl go all “Taylor Townsend” on my ass, You Don’t Know My Name, I’d even take Amber from “Kill Theory.” A dominant I am but to have the girl chase the monster and then when she finally finds me, we’ll see how badly she wants to play, but that Dirty Diana is a dream, however with my book… who knows, could happen.

One woman looked me up on Whisper and as soon as she saw my face; it’s hard to have body issues when people never get past the mask, and yeah women have some problems with men but if some woman came after me? Not in a psychotic, I want to kill you sort of way, more like U Got It Bad, how North looks at Markus (thank you Detroit: Become Human) way *sigh* asking the obvious, Do You Lust Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 349 ~There Are Better Stories~

Everybody has a story but how many stories are people telling, how many of those stories are being believed, how many of those stories are living and breathing, though to live one of my stories; I know I’ll do better. “There Are Better Stories.”

Friday, June 15, 2018

Lesson 349 ~There Are Better Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, once I tell you that I can write better stories, I believe I can, I know I can and excuse me if I sound like “Mr. Motivation” here, but there is always another way to hear stories of another’s success. You heard me right Lady Sophia, stories, not that I’m getting into audiobooks, remember “The Scarlet Letter” if you could stay awake for that one you passed the test but never again.

“Sleep is the new broke.” ― Eric Thomas, on sleep

You know how I feel about sleep, every night I tell myself stories to help me sleep, I don’t remember being the little kid with a teddy bear and a parent to regale me with fairytales while I lie in bed. Is that why it’s taken me so long to get out of bed because I’m always waiting and a part of me thinks I need to give people something to read, but not my parents, and don’t think I’m becoming bitter again, remember when I first joined up with TIBU? It would be easy to become upset with “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” Cherry,” “M Anime” but the bitch, of course, made me feel “sorry” about my words, hell I don’t share my favorite book with anybody because I need it.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” ― Tony Montana Scarface (1983)

Now I could tell you I want to write to make money, whatever that sounds like to you but another reason I need to write is so I can sleep, I have more than enough stories to put me to bed, I want a story to keep me awake. Last fiction I read… okay watched like that was “Detroit: Become Human.” Am I ever going to let that go,? One day maybe but it’s not my favorite. There are better, any story that’s not in my head for starters. Stories that I see on my laptop screen, better are stories I see on print, stories that I see in green, that only require my signature, or I take to bed because everybody has a tale.

Mine come harder because as they say a picture is worth a thousand words and yes I continue to hate that concept but to get to that point I have to write the words for now and then I can sleep. How’s that for motivation, I’ve been listening to so many speeches and these men work so they can live a life they dream about honestly maybe that should be me too, but I would do damn near anything for some time to sleep peacefully.

The strange thing about this is my stories don’t put me to sleep, not while I’m writing them at least. Still, There Are Better Stories.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 309 ~My Pod, My Pod~

Dreaming my life away on beautiful women, either some hot acquaintance, my NEW Pinterest boards, or my writing, and notice how no one says it’s hip to be round or rectangular, think outside the box maybe. My Pod, My Pod, not a fan of Tide, or Alabama

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Lesson 309 ~My Pod, My Pod~

To Will:
Can you love me again, for once you’re out of bed, which in itself is a small miracle and it turns out you weren’t living Avengers: Infinity War, which wouldn’t be so terrible would it? Dreams are messages and the last vision you had predicted you would have trouble at work and you couldn’t remember what you said or did because that’s just it, you didn’t do anything.

This dream though, a vision so real you honestly had to check out Facebook to see if the woman was still around and why her at all, hot MILF but no chance in Hell and you’re still not the hero. Spent the rest of the night feeling like you were letting her down but sleep overwhelmed you as it does mostly during the day; the dream could have been about building a life, I mean you have a job *cough* part-time *cough*. You have a child, on four legs, you’re a writer, which you haven’t been doing a lot of lately; six impossible things anyone:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 50 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 57 No Fap*) Wet Dream
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Edit At Least One More Chapter Of My Novel
Failed
4. I Will Complete 100% Of VLAD
Completed, “The Maiden (The Cloister Book 1) Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review
Failed
6. I Will Find Something That Makes Me Courageous
Failed

It’s a bit late in the game to say you’re behaving like a teenager who happens to be on Tide Pods, besides you already did your laundry, keeping busy because you aren’t getting busy and still disappointed about that wet dream. How about this theory that you’re trying to keep yourself boxed in or maybe you’re not truly living, and you’re already dead residing on YouTube, Pinterest, and Instagram. Perhaps it’s just another great story idea and how many times do I have to tell you, like old times, stories are problems and editing is the solution and so what ends up back on the list for six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 57* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least Two More Chapters Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete 75% Of The Maiden
5. I Will Post A Review For VLAD
6. I Will Clean The House Before The Maid Comes Around

Yes, number six makes you an idiot but baby steps and OCD, trying to box in your crazy as well, depression, OCD, suicidal tendencies… no death talk but boxes can be different between, pods, coffins, books, smartphones, more rectangular but as the song goes “It’s Hip To Be Square.” There are so many variables, writing like this always makes you settle down and focus and is there anything wrong with that; have you seen your bank balance lately, so yeah you need to work Will.

Now you’ll probably tell Lady Sophia this too but lest we forget, imagine people trapped in a room about to be crushed by pods that carry people who control the Internet, one weird ass dream, thinking outside the box and still My Pod, My Pod.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 254 ~Write Where They “WILL” See~

People are frightened by silence, but while they fear to shut-up, I am afraid to speak because even now I can imagine what’s going on upstairs in their brains, and what is going on in mine at any one time. Write Where They “WILL” See, maybe not?

Monday, March 12, 2018

Lesson 254 ~Write Where They “WILL” See~

Twenty-Third Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but perhaps I am a fool because war doesn’t frighten me, hell what do I know about war, as a matter of fact, what do I know about writing? The things I dreamed as a child, there was a point where I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense, and while I still envision such power, you must start with one’s self, so I sought to be a journalist, a wartime journalist to be precise.

“I didn’t think I could stop the war. I just thought maybe, I might try and understand one.
Maybe help folks back home understand. I just figure I could do that better… shooting a camera than I could shooting a rifle.” We Were Soldiers (2002)

Now ask me why I’m not a psychopath Madam Justice; I couldn’t tell you the names of the living or the dead in any of the shootings running rampant, how many novels could I outline at the moment, what about all the things that Trump has said? Grab them by the pussy; not eloquent, or profound words but they resonant and sad to say, what I strive for as a writer, words that cannot know avoidance, dismissal, or forgetfulness. Hell, there are words that I didn’t read like “The Harmonic War,” that are a physical illness. There are friends I have lost that I can never forget, and my god we’re here day two-hundred and fifty-four and I still think about being called “skeevy,” that just resonates in my skull.

Write Where They Will See, is, unfortunately, a rule I still refuse to live up to because of my fear but when I write, I want my words written in your bathroom mirror, I want you to see yourself through my eyes. I want my words scribbled on your skull, a white room for your brain where you sit in the middle wondering is it you or me. My words should be so freaking painful that you go to a website and you hold your hand up trying to block the words on Google, that for days on end you’re looking around wondering, do they know, am I this thing; I’m a horrible writer right?

Even now Madam Justice I am incapable of hurting anybody, only myself, at work today I told the general manager that with how he feels about the first amendment, I couldn’t speak up. I don’t think anybody sees us, but that has got to change, I refuse to lie amongst the dead a name and nothing more, they took that, she stole that. Only my dream is to write my name across the sky, to echo like thunder, to rage like the winds, to drown some in their tears, and leave nothing of the man they think me to be.

No pages, no blogs, no comments, not anything but the truth; how to do that, Write Where They “WILL” See.

First Amendment Bill Of Rights

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 240 ~Get Up And Earn It~

What are you working for, what do you want, what about when they asked the question in school, what would you do if you had a million dollars; I’d ask how I got a million in the first place. “Get Up And Earn It” and how?

Monday, February 26, 2018

Lesson 240 ~Get Up And Earn It~

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.” ― The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

Twenty-First Rule Madam Justice,

I Am Not Afraid Anymore; I may be lazy, then slow, stupid, a great many things, and we don’t have time to go through them all, but the fact of the matter is, I’m here. Now I know that isn’t good enough for some people, I remember telling a girl I’m up and to come over, probably not the best choice of words but that’s where it starts, getting it up, easier said than done.

“Just reach up.” Planet Terror

So what gets it up for me, I’m trying not to think of some stupid sexual innuendo; if anything I’m too tired for that, and I’ll consider that a good thing. The day job doesn’t do it for me but every morning, I get up, I do what I have to, sometimes that means raising your voice, maybe looking someone in the eye, if anything it’s just putting one foot in front of the other. I think therein lies the problem, you have to keep moving but where am I going, who’s race is this, being up and about with no purpose, no life, only the need to feed, how I envy Carl Grimes now.

Who was it that said life is a gift, every day we all have to go out there and earn it, no it’s not a gift, a privilege, an honor. Madam Justice it’s an obligation, a responsibility, and don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that it doesn’t have its good parts here or there. We can enjoy it without a doubt but it sure as hell ain’t free and there are those who don’t earn but merely steal as though that is there purpose. It always comes back to the question, for me what makes me get up, what is it that I want to earn in the end, what does it all mean?

I could talk about being a family man someday, hell I already am, I get up and work, to keep my dog’s belly full, to make sure he has a good life, to keep him with me because he’s getting old in this world. How many times does it come back to somebody else, I love him like pancakes but my dog, promises to friends, all the assholes I know again what is it that gets me up and makes me want to earn anything.

You know something, maybe I have the rule all wrong, should it be get up and learn it… so many years ago and even worse these days; I need time, Get Up And Earn It.

I Will Have No Fear