Gospel 074 ~What Will It Take~

Every night I say the same thing, six hours, wake up at four, walk the dog when it’s just the two of us, and yet I’m not a billionaire yet, and I didn’t do any of those three things. So I’ve been Verified and have one goal, but SIGH What Will It Take

Sunday, September 13, 2020

Gospel 074 ~What Will It Take~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s taking you so long? God, you don’t know how much I want to scream at you right now, as one of your motivations. What is it going to take, what is it that is going to get you to change? Again what will it take? Entertaining the thoughts of fame and fortune, aren’t you? I mean, look at where you’ve been all morning? On that note, I should applaud you. At least you made it to the table, and you’re not sitting in front of the TV watching Far Cry 5 in so many days.

Do you remember when you joined TIBU (This Is By Us)? Yeah, in those days, I was whining like um… nevermind. Anyway, here you are, four years in, and it’s not that you don’t care. More to the point, you do this for you, and if somebody reads it well… Remember, Triond, which wasn’t a complete loss. At least you met M. Anime if she hasn’t blocked you yet. You’re sort of scared to check now. Don’t have an episode like me. When you’re checking your list of friends to see who has decided to leave and/or block you today. Now you have this new place, where Yabbos are more than welcome. Hell, you can scream your heart out but then again, pictures vs. words. You’re getting older, my friend. Binders full of Hentai was as good as it got once upon a time. Now keep it in your pants.

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton
    Failed

Yeah, that’s the only IMPOSSIBLE thing I was able to accomplish this week. The question is… no, I’m not inquiring anything, you are going to do better. Isn’t that what I said the night before? At this rate, you can’t even do an “About Me” page, and let’s be honest, it didn’t work for OkCupid. Well, I did find; okay, better not to even go down that road. The point is I want you to do something. One of my motivations said making a list is like a graveyard, and for how long have the same things been on the list? Of course, two of them never change. I need to be a better man and the best father. The Dæmon is going through his own trials and tribulations, but here’s yours, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Going To Bed Before Midnight
  6. I AM Finishing The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

The truth is only your Will. What Will It Take

I Will Have No Fear

Log 252 ~Heart Hurts More Than Body~

My Ma would tell me to go easy with all the seasoning salt. I’ve got quite a long history with women, plus I have my furry kid, I haven’t had a heart attack yet, but I know all about broken hearts. Heart Hurts More Than Body.

Monday, March 9, 2020

Log 252 ~Heart Hurts More Than Body~

Hundred And Twenty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, if only because I refuse to see a doctor. Not because I’m afraid. Indeed in this time of plague with the Coronavirus (COVID-19), I’m excited. Now I know that doesn’t sound right, and it shouldn’t, not until there are zombies. Okay, I’ll stop, I know I’m not funny. I’ve never laughed so much until it hurts. Madam Justice, I’m not one for self-harm. Fists at drywall, STUPID things while people watch. Giving into FAPPING (it’s Saturday). Anyway, my body takes a lot, but what about my heart?

Most recently, what I said about Cherry and I don’t mean my novella. I speak my heart to you and the others Madam Justice. No secrets, but you and I both know that’s a lie. If I told you everything, then we would see the end, and that’s how you know I’m not suicidal. Still, it happens the same way; I try to talk to one girl, I speak innocence to another, I don’t tell one more and wham. I’m having a “Harriet the Spy” moment because it’s like they weren’t supposed to see that. I put my heart out here so the body can keep going. The thing is nobody wants my heart. I think that’s why I’ve been down as of late. If I don’t write out how I am, the body keeps it in, and I “mess” up, horny, hatred, heartfelt, whatever.

Women though SIGH, let’s talk about something else that hurts my heart, My Dæmon. My little boy is getting older; he’s bumping into walls, avoiding his walks on cold days, sleeping more. Then again, I’m in bed, and he only wants to be near his Dad. I’m still not working on my stories, and I miss them—what a waste of the day. Somebody took my shift at the Day Job and how did I spend it, Madam Justice, lying here looking at the usual. Even my FEAR of my father doesn’t have me doing anything. Okay, so hurting my friends or them getting hurt, Indiana Gone told me she got punched in the face. My little boy and my writing, what more do I love in this world. The man in the mirror that is such a waste that it hurts to witness myself.

Only the body doesn’t quit, fingers, eyes, ears, dang humming, Heart Hurts More Than Body.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 245 ~Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite~

One more story so I can pretend to be a writer, I can say I have more time, but if I don’t do anything with it, and I’m starting back listening to my motivations as if I believe I will be inspired. Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite

Monday, March 2, 2020

Log 245 ~Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite~

Hundred And Twenty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I pretend as such. You know Madam Justice, I’ve never been a fan of that saying, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Well, my motivations say otherwise. The law of attraction, positive affirmations, my current novella. At the moment, I’m unsure because sitting right here on this loveseat; I don’t have to pretend. The “dang” HUMMING is driving me crazy. In the shower this morning, I was breaking down, if you know what I mean. Going out into the world, I was scared to death.

As the song goes, “If I could be like that.” Again I think of my hero Dennis Hof. He was a Pimp, parent of a dog, and he penned a book. Two out of three right, Madam Justice? Sometimes I walk around like I’m a pimp, but as I’ve been saying a lot these days, things are falling apart. What about my story, am I giving up already? Last night I wanted to, no question. I’m three parts in, and I don’t know where I’m going. In chapter four, Minister Bridgeman is, of course, starting to give away his “holy man” ways duh. What about being a rich man at all? How much money did I send today, gorging myself? Didn’t I have a conversation about not spending money on a new Kindle and an HP Printer? Relax, I didn’t because even pretending to be reasonable is something else entirely.

I pretend to be, well, I’m not even a comedian anymore, I’m only the punchline. What’s sickening though is at the Day Job, I’m upset that I didn’t go in today. It’s (Saturday, February 29) LEAP DAY, which of course, I spaced on. Am I pretending to be a writer, Madam Justice? Getting back into my motivations, one says you’re either a writer or not. I’m not pretending to be a writer, but instead that anything I put down makes perfect sense. I’m living in the moment, and I don’t know what any of this means. My pretending is becoming real but only the worse things. If I may quote another song, “Why do the things I hate come so naturally.” One more reason I sleep all the time. But isn’t that, well “pretend that we’re dead.” I’m not suicidal.

When will I stop pretending Madam Justice, better yet how? Pretending Is Optional, Not Requisite.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

Is the BBQ that good, am I so concerned about a few extra cents in my bank account, and why I’m not afraid of the dark, I still hate driving at night, but then you ask how do I go out on dates. I’m the Beast, so where’s Beauty. “It Scares You Do It.”

Monday, February 24, 2020

Log 238 ~It Scares You, Do It~

Hundred And Twenty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that makes life a whole lot easier. Now I won’t lie to you Madam Justice, my “obsession” with money is a cover for FEAR. You know I’m always one to trade one vice for another. I choose LUST over WRATH. Let me have GREED over SLOTH. Last night I took to GLUTTONY over ENVY. Okay, so what about PRIDE. Madam Justice this leads me to today’s lesson, what am I afraid of; well everything but we don’t have that kind of time. While I was out though last night, I did have thoughts of “Rainbow Girl.”

You remember her, The Rainbow Girl. How I twice asked her out (online) to dinner and a movie. So there I was last night it’s been a full year since she blocked me, of course. Anyway, I’m picking up BBQ in the dead of night, and I can hardly breathe. What about Indiana Gone’s Wedding. I won’t say I love the girl, and in truth, I was angry. Madam Justice, I was mad I had to drive 750+ Miles to her wedding, facing highways, the FEAR of my Olds, and losing money. For some reason, though, I thought I was going to meet a girl. Let me tell you a story about Cherry. I work my Day Job; I have so many novels, poetry, a whole blog. Only I’m writing poetry and short stories for her Madam Justice. I’m reading her work because that’s what she wants. Oh, and how I listen to her about her greatest love of all.

Noticing a pattern, well, maybe not, but I was hungry last night, and I chose to eat well rather than grab a burger. I would go all out for a woman. An opportunity would temper my anger. I work harder rather than stay in bed, and yes, Madam Justice, I made my bed today. Women make me brave, but why not show any PRIDE? I cannot contain my FEAR, and I do not FEAR any woman. Well, except my Mom, she’ll kick my “butt” if I don’t vote. Remember to VOTE people; we must stop Trump and his legion of sycophants and Bloomberg too. What scares me Madam Justice is myself, my desires. My “Dom-Hood,” the dangerous disease called LOVE.

It scares me to be me, so what’s the rule, It Scares You, Do It.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 057 ~Will You Remember Me~

From hot to wet, well yeah the heat is still getting to people, but now it’s raining that seems right at the moment, like I forgot something sad, but that’s tomorrows problem isn’t it? Will You Remember Me for something right

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Log 057 ~Will You Remember Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but not afraid of forgetting our anniversary. How many times and dates do I keep on my phone but today seems kismet. Like the day I met you. Here I am with a good idea, and I realize I wrote it before. Episode 058 The Time Traveler’s Will. Yeah that was on the 28th of last year. Where does the time go and you know there are things I rather forget. That’s one of the concepts I love about, well love. I heard in a movie once that “love can’t tell time,” “what’s my age again”

Of course this week and the next that question gets to me a lot. Hell, yesterday I was looking at my firstborn, growing a beard or all his little beige hairs turning grey. He still thinks he’s a puppy and what about me with the baby talk. Well then you have my taste in music of course and do you remember the first song we danced to? What about our wedding. Fifty Shades Freed Playlist, Levitate, Kiss From A Rose? How do I go from feeling like an old man to a little kid in seconds? From calling, you baby girl, to baby doll, to beautiful, and do I have any William Shakespeare left ha. All the time in the world for us, This Love. You know I say it all the time, Saturday mornings lying here with you my atom bomb baby. I’m not in my 40’s or 50’s yet, or so I hope.

Of everything I have done in life, I want to be remembered as that guy in the hood. You know what I mean, my hoodies, yeah when we met I was a man of the suburbs. I only want you to remember how I put my arm around you. Dare I say it, I let you wear one of my hoodies. When you hear a particular song or watch a movie you’ll remember something of mine. I don’t mean to sound so macabre. How many books do I have that sound like that? Yesterday I was reading “Rules Of Bennett” and saw that such true love still exist. I see it every day with us, but I want to see it for many more days to come. Always to call you My Love without worrying about Will You Remember Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

How often do I go to work without my headphones, why do I fight so hard when the stereo in my car is acting up, there’s plenty to hear, and plenty I wish I could just turn off, but those things are from music. “Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.”

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, no matter what my favorite song tells me and that’s not a crime is it, to be in love with a song, in this case being “Easy Street,” such sweet torture for other people that is. There are some songs that you can’t get out of your head and then there are others that are just asking for a power drill to the temple; no worries though, didn’t you ever wonder why I named you Inspector Echo?

Now I’m not talking about songs like “Pjanoo (Club Mix),” did you think something like that would make me ashamed, hell the only problem with that is I don’t need another gay guy hitting on me. How easy was that to say, music speaks and I listen and when it comes to actual people trying to talk to me… perhaps that is another sin for today; I don’t want to listen to people and talk about being picky, to paraphrase Much Ado About Nothing “God match me with a good singer!” To think this was once my greatest sin the belief that I was ever a good singer I sang in the church choir I screwed up verses, I sang with the kids instead of my age bracket when I was a teen. I stayed an alto for far too long and dare I sing now, just because I want too maybe, shall I try?

How about my hatred of music, now that Inspector Echo, is indeed a crime but as they say hate is easily a teaching tool often. So I have my father to thank on behalf of my mother, and for once I wasn’t profiteering, but “No Charge” from Shirley Caesar was playing and let’s just say I despised that woman until U Name It. Speaking of women, I despise; another song that makes me truly ashamed is “Something Just Like This” every time I hear it the word “skeevy” echoes in my mind and to add insult to injury “Oops (Oh My)” and that’s because I was just that. Now “Sexy” from Peter Cincotti was in the movie Straight A’s To XXX and is this only song on this list that doesn’t make me cringe, but it gives me deliciously devilish, dirty, depraved desires for Haley Pullos and other pretty ladies.

So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for using music as a crutch, for using it to torture and be tortured, for my pain and shame, for my hatred of it, for the memories, and that there is so much more but as the song goes Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.

I Will Have No Fear

Happily… Ever… Whatever

So what’s stopping me… a few “fetishes”, a need for the intimacy, all of womankind, who knows really; okay so I could be a better person I suppose. “Happily… Ever… Whatever” that would be too much especially for a “first” just the opportunity…

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi0cV2mNLr8

Oh God was it ever

The lace and the feathers
Not much for leather… are you?
And a thank you letter

Because it must be quite the effort
To love me like you do
Bu why can’t I remember

My love, return to sender
You and me… a dream or two, a few
Happily… ever… whatever

Something better than “I love you”… wish I could let her
Or the answer wasn’t never

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Elly Tran Ha… Elly Kim Hong, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Sia “My Love”, Lifehouse “You and Me”, and Audien ft. Lady Antebellum “Something Better”