Tag: Memories

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

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Is there ever a time not to be afraid? If I were to join my firstborn son, but he bought me four years. When I’m asleep. But I’m usually answering my boys’ potential stepmom. Their stepmom? BEING with her, I’m not fearful. “Braxton Buys Time Virgil.”

Saturday, June 14, 2025

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I should have all the time in the world. Braxton’s Favorite Girl. M Anime

But Braxton and his little brother Virgil. The past and the present. But Braxton, Firstborn.

And I stole his life. Stop It! I got more than enough on my plate today. Soon to be literally.

Only, I want to focus on Sunday, January 31, 2021. 1595 Days ago. And I wish I could say that’s why I was crying today. The past few days, I’ve woken up in tears, Lunalesca.

Braxton’s passing shouldn’t serve as relief from that. Yet it buys me time every now and again, so I don’t dwell on life. When did I start referring to it as ‘life’ rather than ‘existence’?

Lady Lunalesca, most days, I would prefer neither. But who would remember my B III? And Virgil is here too.

This brings us to today. You wonder why I’ve been focused on George Orwell’s “1984.” M Anime, my Julia. And here, Lunalesca, I have created my Ministry of Love. Present.

“‘Julia! Julia! Julia, my love! Julia!'”
1984 by George Orwell

Someday, maybe. But that comes later. Today is the U.S. Army’s 250th Anniversary. It’s Trump’s Birthday. FDT!!! It’s No Kings Day. I wish I could get all political Luna, truly.

My present, though… I’m going to see Braxton’s Favorite Girl and her new pretty wife. Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And while she’s Braxton’s Favorite, his aunt, and damn near a sister to me. I’m afraid not of her but of everything. I’ve had 1595 Days to find courage.

Am I brave yet? Have I published a book? Did I make a buck? Nope!

My future, It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on… M Anime. Seriously Lunalesca! TMI!! But “She Drives Me Crazy” being so “Sexy.” What happened to the love songs?

There’s time to do it all, with my Day Job being what it is. And M Anime, aka Julia, aka Braxton, and Virgil’s potential stepmom; she’s working her heart out to come and visit me.

Braxton bought me time to find her. And who knows. Braxton could have wanted a human upgrade. I’ve said it before; I figured he would be reincarnated. He’s not Virgil.

Another Braxton in my future. If M Anime/Julia and I; if “We Found Love” in a hopeless place. That’s my present, hopeless. And to escape FEAR… Braxton Buys Time Virgil

1595 Days Without B III, Day 1036 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 345 ~Don’t B Wasteful Virgil~

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Would I rather have… *Olivier Martinez Impression* 100 MILLION DOLLARS! Or my Braxton alive and well. Virgil’s happiness. And all the promises of their stepmom? How about Jane? What about all the time I’ve wasted in life back? Don’t B Wasteful Virgil

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

Meditation 345 ~Don’t B Wasteful Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Since the critic wants me to be clearer. In English… I ended Braxton, joined MAGA, and wasted time.

Well, not so much the joining MAGA bit. But we’ll get to that Inspector. It’s still effed up that every time I FEAR everything is breaking away, I have to ask, where is my son.

Braxton’s on the Rainbow Bridge, paradise, a box on the nightstand, and some of his ashes are in an urn pendant. I hope some of him is left in his bed. Have we discovered cloning?

No! Because I’m wasting time, and that leads me to MAGA. Do you remember when Elon Musk, the DOGE effers, and the MAGA asshats were asking for workers to share five accomplishments for the week? I’m not a government employee. Though I identify as a Sith. And, at times, share the Empire’s ideals. Dark Side.

But this isn’t Star Wars; this is real life. My life at forty, and what am I doing, my Inspector?

  1. Mourned my Braxton’s passing.
  2. Seen to Virgil’s needs
  3. Texted B, V’s Stepmom
  4. Blogged and “written” daily
  5. Read two harem novels

When you look at it, it doesn’t sound so bad. Side Note: “I fixed” the laptop’s audio, or so I hope. Anyway, what makes me a horrible human being is that none of the things on this list made me a dime. And that’s what I need more than anything. Not love, lust, a life.

“For The Love Of Money.” Excuse me, Inspector, I got a bit distracted by Jane from “See Jane Go TV. Talk about cannons, melons, yabbos…

And don’t I have my own woman for that? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. See, that’s the other thing that makes me a “Bad Man.” Geez, Inspector, I’m not R. Kelly evil! And nowhere near Trump! And as always, “FDT.” What’s evil, Inspector?

Honestly, what’s done in the love of others is not a waste of time. It depends in a way, hm.

I love my furry boys. Virgil? Again, I consider him Braxton’s Bro. Virgil keeps breathing.

And M Anime? As The Spinners sang “Could It Be I’m Falling In Love.” No moment with her is ever wasted. You ask me, “Could You Be Loved.” By my boys, my Boricua (M Anime), and my books for some bucks. Don’t B Wasteful Virgil

1592 Days Without B III, Day 1033 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 344 ~B A Minute Virgil~

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I’m not a minuteman. No disrespect to the founders. While I’m here, FDT, eff the Jan 6’ers, eff Buzz Windrip and his Minute Men. Eff Article 5’s Moral Militia, and eff the NFFA. I’m a “Sixty Minute Man” for love. And my boys. “B A Minute Virgil”

Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Meditation 344 ~B A Minute Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I hope you do. Virgil doesn’t. I send him downstairs, but if I don’t follow.

Abandoned. Virgil feels as though I’ve abandoned him. Like father, like son. That’s 2-V, ha.

And he feels that at twenty-eight. Well, four. But in dog years, he’s in his twenties, so he’s, in fact, a man. And what, and I am forty? A man. Your man. Husband, a father.

Honestly, I want to be a Tru Rider… “A strong survivor, a real provider, a Tru Rider, that’s me.” Oh, you know I’ll go get a motorcycle and join up with the “Biker Boyz.” Hm.

And that’s what I feel like. A boy. I was thirty-six and bawling like a baby when I lost my firstborn son, Braxton. It’s been a minute. How many minutes have there been since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Math, baby…

That’s something I leave to you. I would be more than willing to live by Gus Fring’s word, “A Man Provides.” And I would work forever and a day to take care of our family.

There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about that. Being afraid. Every minute, every second. FEAR.

I don’t fear clocks or time. I fear I’m wrong that I’m to blame “The World Is Gonna End Tonight” or in the next five minutes. Do you remember when I told you that’s how I dealt with everything? In five minutes, nothing would matter, and I could let everything go.

“I ain’t got time, leave me alone
Ain’t that much time left
I’ve got to funk you now
Chronomentrophobia”
Chronomentrophobia

“Jeezu,” why can’t one of those things be FEAR? Our sons and daughters, sleep and sex, my love. Those moments, minutes, make me fearless.

And I lie here trying to believe tomorrow will be okay. Staind’s “Outside” is better. Beloved, music makes it better. Or at least I can’t hear everything that terrifies me.

Mornings spent here in our bed, love, reading on harems, humans, hellions, hot S&M sex.

Moaning along with you with every effing filthy, freaky fantasy that we can conjure up. Have I mentioned how much I love you? And that I’m happy you’re mine. Happiness…

Momentarily slip up. Me being happy. Ask me to “Be Not So Fearful.” Finding love.

“Be not so sorry for what you’ve done
You must forget them now; it’s done
And when you wake up, you will find that you can run
Be not so sorry for what you’ve done.”
― Be Not So Fearful

Memories of Braxton guarding me as I lie upon this old mattress. Awake and alive.

Making our children happy. Those are the moments that make me smile. That makes me…

Me. Be A Minute, Virgil.

1591 Days Without B III, Day 1032 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 341 ~Love, See Braxton, Virgil~

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Love and fear’s commonality? You don’t have to look too far to find them. Fear has the advantage. Braxton’s gone. Virgil is trying. And M Anime has potential. But for fear. I need only open my eyes. I need a dictionary. Love, See Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, June 7, 2025

Meditation 341 ~Love, See Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I have nothing to FEAR. And how much does “The Normal Heart” cost nowadays?

I had to mention 2014’s “The Normal Heart” during Pride Month. I’m not MAGA, Lu.

I’m not frightened at the mere sight of Gay people as they are. Lesbians? Lunalesca, if we get into that subject, we’ll be here for a few days. And speaking of those few days, 1588.

I continue to mourn my firstborn son, my Braxton. I swear, I need to make one of those character lists like Logan Jacobs does for his “Backyard Dungeon” series. Or I could publish one of Braxton’s books and wouldn’t have to explain him over and over again. I mean, what’s one dog’s Euthanasia? Would it mean more if I had a heart attack, Lady Lu?

It feels that way when Virgil goes for his check-ups.

I’m reminded that my heart doesn’t remain broken. Or is it? I shouldn’t constantly feel…

Well, on the verge of breaking. “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” And no, Lady Lu, I haven’t seen it, ok. My cowboy flicks of choice are 1993’s “Posse,” Sinbad in “The Cherokee Kid,” and the classic film “Shane.” And how did we get in on a few gunslingers?

Anyway, the bad is losing my Braxton and realizing Lady Lunalesca, my heart was broken.

So what’s good about having a heart? I think Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom, M Anime.

Potentially? As Lykke Li put it, there’s the “Possibility”. The way my heart stops… Beats… whatever, when I think of her. M Anime keeps a guy pumping the right way.

TMI? Well, “I think that she knows, think that she knows” that someday I may be “LoveStoned” over her. A particular part of my anatomy is hard as a rock for her. No doubt about it, Lady Lunalesca. But that leads us to the third part of the equation. O-Face…

Seriously, I was about to make one this morning for her as a video. Thinking anyway. But while I was “Day Dreaming.” I wonder if she does as I ask, “Close Your Eyes And Wander.” And way before that, there were memories of B III and the needs of 2-V.

Anyway, I try to define my lust for a woman, loving Braxton, liking Virgil. FEAR needs no defining. Every day, everywhere. Love, See Braxton, Virgil.

The cast of Characters today:

Braxton Barks Bradford, aka B III, aka Firstborn son, aka B. Born February 13, 2005,* – Died January 31, 2021. Deerhead Chihuahua. Most beloved son.

Virgil Vivi Bradford, aka 2-V, aka Second born son, aka V. Born October 20, 2020 – Adopted August 13, 2022. Mixed Breed Chihuahua. Braxton’s stepbrother. Would be, Protector of the realm…

M Anime, aka Madam Anime, aka potential stepmom. “Love” interest. Protector of kittens. Loves gardening and all things natural. Health-guru. A friend of many years.

1588 Days Without B III, Day 1029 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 338 ~Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s~

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I had the best son ever in B, and then… A heart murmur? Is he blind? He’s getting old. Have you thought about Euthanasia? I said he’d see 20. Nope. I have known a woman for decades, and she’s I’m “All Yours.” I wonder. Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s.

Wednesday, June 4, 2025

Meditation 338 ~Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I haven’t done anything to protect the bees. How long would humanity last without them? Are we screwed?

As per usual, I’m only thinking about one “B” in particular, my firstborn, my Braxton.

Well, that would be three B’s, Braxton Barks Bradford, a.k.a. B III. Even before his kidney failure diagnosis, I thought about what LIFE would be without him. And I was perfectly prepared to drag him to twenty and beyond. Sunday, January 31, 2021. He’d be twenty now, but he didn’t see his sixteenth birthday, which would have been February 13th.

Inspector, I was preparing for the worse way back then like some effing death curse.

Virgil? How do you think my second-born got his name? The one who guided Dante through Hell. I should have posted above the door after Virgil was rescued and adopted.

“Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”
― Divine Comedy

What’s LIFE brought to him?

The Secret? Rhonda Byrne wrote about manifesting dreams or something. It’s been years since I read that book. And since I can manifest a nightmare, what about my dream lover.

“I’m staring at a goddess. She’s telling me she wants me. I’m not going to waste one more minute wondering how I’ve gotten this lucky. She smells like angels ought to smell, the perfect woman… the Goddess. Goldie. She says her name is Goldie.”
Marv

Or M Anime. Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. A Boricua Queen. It took me forty years, Inspector, and what can I tell her? I’ve been “Waiting for a Girl Like You.” Every time I think I’ve driven her away, she comes back. The things she says. I swear to God!

And Inspector, I’ll never be a religious man. But I’m going right to Hell for my B III’s loss. And for the LIFE me and M Anime might have together. Those we could create, hmm.

But Braxton went to the “Rainbow Bridge.” M’s an angel.

So, if I can be blessed to have two such lives. A furry little boy I sent to Heaven. And a woman who is saying, “Fly Me To The Moon,” “Take my body to the moon, watch me glow up,” Take me “To the stars.” I must think very highly of her ha-ha. Black hair, brown eyes (I think), and an incredible body. “But I’m love-stoned, and I could swear that she knows, I think that she knows.” Seriously, Inspector, how many songs was that? The things the two of us send each other. Pictures sans clothing, (pumping) tunes, pornography…

“Make this night what it should be.
Please? Show me the stars.”
Our Mrs. Reynolds

“Perfect.” So why can’t I manifest such things for the rest of my LIFE? Short answer: I don’t remember how. What? Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s.

1585 Days Without B III, Day 1026 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 337 ~B The Ball, Virgil~

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A great man once said, “You know nothing about dying, and you know nothing about love!” Let’s start simpler. What do I know about sports? The richer you are, the smaller your balls. “Am I rich enough?” There’s still love around. “B The Ball, Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 3, 2025

Meditation 337 ~B The Ball, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But I’m not a prince, a player, and how many puppies have I had love?

Love hasn’t always been a ball for me. A dance? A game? And to have the balls to do so. That last one is another thing entirely. But when it came to Braxton… An accident.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Honestly, that’s not something a parent is supposed to say about their child. But Braxton.

Love, ask me how I am on this Sunday, June 1, 2025. And you’re seeing this on the 3rd. Ha.

Love is like seeing a fly ball and “I Think I Can, I Think I Can,” get off The Pillows first to go to a ball game. But anyway, I see the ball, and I reach out, and I get beaned in the head. SIGH. Or I chase a ball into the street and… BAM!

But enough about my fur buddy Braxton. And Virgil? Six months of meds… He’ll live.

What about two furry balls that are a little bit closer to my person, if you know what I mean. When was the last time “You and Me” made ‘the bedsprings sing’ in this Lifehouse of ours? I don’t have little white balls, ha-ha. Still, my big, ole black ones feel like they are getting whacked around, and I need to find a hole someplace in you, my beautiful wife.

Wow! Was that crass? I could talk about my fantasies with you, my pretty “Cheerleader.” “Oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader; she’s always right there when I need her,” right? Being here singing “I Like It Rough.”

Like football? I would actually prefer it if we wrestle. All WWE style. Seriously WWE.

They released Ron Killings, AKA R-Truth. Those bastards. But another time, my love. As for putting another black man down, I need only look at myself in the mirror. Sunday?

Every day, I have the balls to knock myself down like so many bowling pins. And it “Hurts Like Hell.” But much like embracing the pain of losing my firstborn son B. And the perverse pleasurable pain and torment that I inflict upon you. Like the Scorpion said to the frog as they sank to the bottom of the water. “It’s what I do” I’m “LoveStoned.” “Dead in the Water.” I play music, not with balls. B The Ball, Virgil.

1584 Days Without B III, Day 1025 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 334 ~Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil~

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I’m all about that bass, no treble. Escape correcting others of my pronouns. What am I? Full MAGA. Ew! At least I’m not telling people we’re all going to die. Well, more in a “Don’t Look Up” way. But Virgil needs to live. “Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil”

Saturday, May 31, 2025

Meditation 334 ~Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… If that were the case, I’d be screaming my head off. Crying, complaining while crapping cash.

Ew! But having money is the shit because “Oh, somehow I know there’s more to life than this.” “Only God Knows Why.” Life and God; “Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?” My son, my Braxton. Am I not going to talk about him today? What about his little brother Virgil? Is it better to talk about the living, not the dead? Republicans…

“Well, we all are going to die.”
Senator Joni Ernst

Geez, Louise, Lady Lunalesca, I’m not that bad to say such a thing in a room full of constituents. And the Senator had some bass in her voice, too. So I want bass and billions.

Why? To keep Virgil from ending up like Braxton. One more problem off my plate or the exam table. Lunalesca, Virgil is alive and well.

Am I lying? Well, his look-at-me fee was $190.00. Do you remember when I was bragging about the car dealership waving that $189.00? I can’t do that anymore. With everything…

Virgil’s check-up, with six months of medication. The vet did say Virgil Vivi is heartworm-free. And speaking of free, they threw in a nail trim. So, with all of that and a late lunch, the damage comes out to around $270.00. So what’s the bad news. The TOOTH, dear Lu.

Virgil needs a teeth cleaning in the worst way. Like father, like son. Which is why I keep my mouth shut. All the dental work I need. And when I speak plainly, Dear Lady Lunalesca.

My voice has no bass, I’m afraid to say, Lunalesca.

Did I want a burger that badly yesterday? Or did I want to hear someone call me ‘Sir’ over ‘Ma’am’?

Another reason for Braxton and Virgil. With every bark, beat, and breath, all I hear is Dad, Daddy, or Father. I don’t think Virgil has ever been so grateful after the vets brought him back to me. He nearly didn’t make it to the appointment after the vet’s humiliating call. You know me, I’d do anything for my furry sons.

Don’t be such a drama KING. So, the receptionist called me ‘Ma’am’ over the phone.

Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom says she can fall in love with my maleness. I’m quite the guy until someone brings me back to reality, like what happened to Meghan Trainor? She’s happy… Me, Boys, Stepmom? Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil

1581 Days Without B III, Day 1022 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 331 ~That’ll B Rehab, Virgil~

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Now, why did I spend around $20.00 on 5-hour ENERGY when I’ve detoxed. It took a week. My legs had me on The Long Walk. Working but not getting paid. Heading towards Banfield with another furry son. And a ball and chain, hmm. That’ll B Rehab, Virgil.

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Meditation 331 ~That’ll B Rehab, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Because there is no finality, forgiveness, and no finish line when it comes to FEAR. If there was…

Well, I passed it and kept on walking. Braxton passed Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yes, I read another chapter of The Long Walk by Stephen King, also known as Richard Bachman. So there’s that.

This leads me to today. I noticed my legs had stopped hurting. Detox complete from 5-hour ENERGY, just in case you were wondering why it took me so long to get here today, Inspector. It took getting clean, B and V’s ‘potential’ stepmom M Anime, some sisters, and Cherry. And a Happy Birthday to Cherry, who turned 28 on the 28th. An author and a playwright with a great pair of melons I’ve never seen. Not about me, I’m afraid.

Dear Inspector Echo, I am consumed by FEAR every hour of every day. But as a great man once said…

“I’m too old for this shit.”
Roger Murtaugh, Lethal Weapon

Too old to not be happy, always horny, which again this morning’s shenanigans, and to be dreaming of seeing Heaven ‘by accident’ so I can see Braxton again. “Livin’ On A Prayer” is not working for me. As I walked Braxton’s little brother, Virgil, today. I had a funny thought. B’s walking with us since I do wear an urn pendant filled with his ashes.

Anyway, then I started thinking about a time when I wasn’t afraid. That’s easy enough. Inspector, it was when I would wake up from a nap and see my son, my protector, sitting at the corner of the bed, staring at the door. And I realize that nothingness before him.

Braxton was staring directly at FEAR, keeping it at bay.

And then I understood, in part, why Virgil’s panicked little run annoys me so much. Inspector, he’s running from FEAR. And he brought a few of his, too, which we’ll see on Friday at his vet appointment. Besides draining my bank account, I don’t know how to rid him of his FEAR because mine is right beside him. It’s like that scene from I Am Legend when Dr. Neville (Will Smith) was injured, and his dog Samantha held the line.

Sam protected him from the infected man and his dogs. Virgil and I… we’re screwed. And speaking of screwing… M Anime. She said Maroon 5’s “Sunday Morning” reminded her of me. Is this love “Hanging By A Moment” For my heart, That’ll B Rehab, Virgil.

1578 Days Without B III, Day 1019 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

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I got so freaking sad. Walmart tends to do that before MAGA’s tariffs. As always, FDT! And I won’t get paid this week. Virgil has a vet visit, and I have a girl looking to be with me. I’m trying to ‘save’ myself… There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I’m not Jigsaw. Did I mean that to be funny? Like Stephen King, Eli Roth…

Oh yes, there will be blood. Only in movies and books. And why am I in such a creepy mood today? Monday, May 26, 2025. The past few weeks haven’t been so kind. I know.

But I could be crying over Braxton as I did this morning. There was the sweat from my “Anxiety” setting up Virgil’s next vet appointment. I must be as ‘annoying’ as Doechii’s song worrying about my first and second born. And can I mention I see myself sitting on that hard bench in Banfield back on Sunday, January 31, 2021, hearing my son was dying?

He wasn’t the first life I saw end, but the first I ended with my own hand. The stroke of a pen, whatever. A body.

And he was lucky. Braxton only had to die once… Twice, if I ever truly let him go. I don’t know if I ever can. But that’s the man you married. One who has died so many times up to this point in our lives. Our lives? But the day my B left is the one I dare to remember.

“On the day I was born.” What, was I “Bad to the Bone?” The day my father beat my ass for lying about my homework. I wrote down the problems but without any answers. Hell! I still feel a certain kind of way about drinking a bottle of IBC Root Beer. He smacked the bottle out of my hand before… Anyway, how many other lives.

“There I lay, wearing dead people as armor against death.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

Again I’m being pretty effing creepy. But I slay, vanquish, delete, and unalive myself so many times in so many different ways. And no, not because of Braxton. Or that I feel I’m failing Virgil. What about taking care of you and our children? Baby Doll, Love? A Man Provides.

And ‘God forbid’ I use the dreaded K-word. Unless we’re talking about the film Pontypool, then “K*ll is kiss!” And I can’t start singing Teen Idle Feeling super, super (super!)… well, you know the rest. I surround myself with the living to keep back death.

I lie in bed with you. I pay Virgil’s bill. I tuck in our children. I read and write. Burying bodies in fiction without graves. But There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

“Be the body, not the shadow; hold space.”
From ― Amina, The Book of Clarence

1577 Days Without B III, Day 1018 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 327 ~Braxton Cashes In Virgil~

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I’ve had two car accidents. One with two different cars. Today’s car drama started with me going to see my Olds on Mother’s Day. What shall I see today? Books in a waiting room. A bill. A boy, a son, I failed. B was lucky… “Braxton Cashes In Virgil.”

Saturday, May 24, 2025

Meditation 327 ~Braxton Cashes In Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Awnaw, hell naw! What a way to wake up, huh? Not with hope, happiness, mental health…

There was a time when Braxton was all there was. I’d collapse into bed, he would make sure I was tucked in, and then he’d go and “stand a post.” A Few Good Men, Lunalesca.

Today, I remember that scared kid I was. God, so long ago. The back of the car smashed into a tree on a dark morning. Terrified I was going to wake up my Old Man. But somehow, the car started again, and I drove to the Day Job. Afterward, with barely $600, I went to Express Oil Change and sat in the waiting room, fear gripping tight, thinking again I’d have to call my Old Man because I wouldn’t have enough to pay. Then what?

As Sia sings I’m “Alive,”

But my son is not. Braxton died so many years afterward. But to be “Two of the Lucky Ones.” I should have followed him. As I’ve said before, Lady Lunalesca. Whenever I’m afraid, I think of the worst day of my entire existence, and that was watching my son die.

Next would be the day I was born. So, I guess the day I wrecked the car and sat in an auto shop would be the third worst day ever. And that is why we’re talking at 5:20 AM, Luna.

I should be asleep, Luna, slithering on my belly or saying to myself, I’ll do better tomorrow. But for me and Apollo Creed, “There is no tomorrow!” Explains Friday evening.

I bought even more books.

Buying books like they’re going out of style. Which, according to MAGA, they are. And I know you’re not Lady Sophia. Still, I purchased everything from Richard Bachman/Stephen King’s “The Long Walk” to Richard Dresser’s “It Happened Here.” Effing MAGA. Another harem book from Logan Jacobs’ “Backyard Dungeon 17: A Reverse Portal Fantasy.” And finally, there is “The Aeneid” by Virgil. Did I forget my other son, named after the Roman poet? The man who led Dante through Hell. The dog waiting for his walk.

Should I survive today at the dealership and have any money left, there’s Virgil’s health. And what about his and Braxton’s stepmom? Is M Anime that for my boys. Possibility.

But I won’t bet on myself. Braxton Cashes In Virgil

1574 Days Without B III, Day 1015 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will