Wednesday, September 30, 2026

Legacy 091 -Braxton Outside, Virgil Inside-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What, by living? Don’t get me wrong, forty-two years is way too much for my liking. Buying books?

One of the many ways I fucked up yesterday. And there were indeed several, Inspector.

Enough to make me want to lose “My Boys.” When we get into it, you’ll see how STUPID I’ve been. But Inside/Outside is a… Let’s say it’s a silly game at least for Braxton Barks.

I swear my firstborn went everywhere. Is it ironic to call him both a free spirit and alive, Inspector? What is ironic is his brother, Virgil Vivi. He’s like a ghost. And I wish I were talking about the Good Boy from Game of Thrones. Is Virgil Ride or Die? Hell, that’s what I get for naming him after Dante’s hellish guide. He is a ghost, like a pillar of salt, a scoop of vanilla.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

It’s like he melts away into the floor or wherever I place him. Braxton and his potential future stepmom, and I talk a lot about having two-leggeds. Sometimes it’s like Virgil forgets he has four legs. Somebody at the Day Job said they’ve seen us walking. So good, I’m not imagining Virgil is here. But he’d rather not be here in this house. Myself, Echo.

I would make my absence permanent. But I’m a father of two. Not one, Inspector!

Seriously, you remember The Running Man (2025)? “Richard Lives!” Inspector, always and forever, Braxton Lives! My brave boy. I envy him. And not only the whole shuffling off the mortal coil part. I wish I were so brave as to have his fierceness. Nope Inspector.

“I don’t want to be just one thing. I can’t be. I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest and kind.”
Four ― Divergent

Today, “I feel STUPID!” And we could go on and on in this Mad Season with all that happened at the Day Job. So fucking idiotic that I needed a second to forget. Day One…

I didn’t jerk off yesterday; too much was happening. I didn’t confide in M Anime…

Plenty of things I want inside her. Okay, I’ll stop, or rather begin. Inspector, honestly…

So yesterday ants retook the counter and the doorway. I was mixing up ant killer from the bathroom because you remember what happened last time with all the bug spray…

While fighting that battle, the guest bathroom went cattywampus. Then Amazon was taking my Kindle points, so I bought four books. Outside confidence. Inside blatant STUPIDITY. Braxton Outside, Virgil Inside

2068 Days Without B III, Day 1509 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Wednesday, September 23, 2026

Legacy 084 -Damage Report, Levels B-V-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I woke up twice. I’m here. “I never yielded! And as you can see, I am not dead.”

“No. It’s foolish to ask for luxuries in times like these.”
― The Road (2009)

Wishful thinking at its finest, my dear Inspector. But shall we begin with the evaluation?

Physically, my heart hurts. That’s a fucked up thing for me to say, considering my Ma and my boys’ potential future stepmom. Talk about heart problems. But I swear, I feel it. My heart is broken. And the physical exertion, the stress, every beat is lesser than the overall remembrance that Braxton is gone and I’m failing Virgil, Inspector, always.

Honestly, my left eye is still irritated… hurts now and again. For a few minutes I felt I was going blind during the truck unload—terrifying prospect, The Blindness, Inspector.

I nearly got crushed by a pile of boxes… Dammit, can’t the Grim Reaper do anything right these days, Inspector?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

This leads me to the mental. Braxton knows I could go into talking to him, my dead furry son. I talked to his brother too. Virgil is back in my good graces… No shit, Sherlock.

Literally. I’m talking to you—the fictional hot police detective. You’re based on “Carla Valenti” from Indigo Prophecy/Fahrenheit if you’re curious. Oh, and The Unfinished Archive… Delusion, Fiction, hell, a bit fucked up. It all makes my head hurt. Ouch!

And the first thing I did when I got back. Well, since I can’t take my head off. Uh, what?

Yeah, I have something in the drawer, but instead I slept. Passed out? Quite accurate.

Inspector, as the song asks, “Where Is My Mind?” Guess is as good as mine.

Why? I remember. I “Woke Up This Morning” and got myself a… Nope! A “Bloom.”

Inspector, I needed something so I could at least text M Anime coherently. I was almost late for the Day Job: exhaustion, Heat, and a Stomachache. I forgot a Gatorade; M Anime and her electrolytes. I didn’t take Virgil out. I failed my son, but he didn’t poop or worse… Of course my playlist is always hit or miss at the Day Job. Today’s offender was The Cure’s Love Song. First, I was looking for 311’s version. Secondly women… Scary.

Lastly, the most embarrassing moment. The pallet jack got stuck in a tiny pallet, and who took the blame? Everything I touch gets damaged. M Anime? Damage Report, Levels B-V

2061 Days Without B III, Day 1502 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Legacy 077 -A Sinner’s B+ Virgil-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And what would I grade my so-called sins? Somewhere between the future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades?

I can’t decide between Heaven’s Light and Hellfire. Decide, me? A few things Dear Echo.

First I stole this from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”. What’s one more sin hmm, considering I’m also stealing the whole “Six Impossible Things” concept from “Alice In Wonderland,” today. Second… And what should actually be first, we’ve already established I’m going straight to Hell for what happened to B. Do I mean killing him?

And what about Virgil? Has he seen a veterinarian? As much as I love my boys together, let it be in The Land of Make Believe, The Unfinished Archive. And not on The Rainbow Bridge anytime soon. Or wherever it is my Braxton went. Do I know? Can I see? My Six Sins this week:

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

1: Braxton Is Still Dead. This is what I count as my original sin. Even worse than being born. I took my furry son’s life. Was is INDIFFERENCE or RAGE?

2: I Am Failing Virgil. He’s been here since Saturday, August 13, 2021, his Gotcha Day. This is the first year I have failed to get him to a vet.

3: I’ve ignored M Anime. Not intentionally. And she’ll be upset with me saying this but like the week Braxton died. I’ve been working, writing, and generally wasting my existence.

4: Ants took the kitchen. My eyes to the floor.

5: I’m didn’t go blind… But bug sprayed eyes worries

6: Feeling super, super, super… “Teen Idle” for the rest

And it’s only “Hump Day”

Other than one through three, would you consider any of these worth a free ticket to the Hell I’m feeling? Are any of them worth a B+? I was saying sonly yesterday in Legacy 076 -There B Elephants Virgil-. The proverbial elephant in the room. My boys, my woman, and my craft, my greatest joys are also my greatest fears. And yet today me Echo.

I got called into the office at the Day Job. Boss Lady only wanted me to move a few shelves

I zoned out sitting up just to try and talk to you. I could have done, I don’t know, what. Today was pay day and I planned on going out with what? $250 a week? Please! A Sinner’s B+ Virgil

2054 Days Without B III, Day 1495 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Wednesday, September 9, 2026

Legacy 070 -Boys This Blows, B-V-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… On a scale from one to ten. One, forgetting there’s Birthday/E-Day cake in the freezer. Ten, I’m breathing.

Do you know what that’s like, Inspector? You draw breath, your heart beats, and you drain your balls over some woman that isn’t your girlfriend. Uh, that last one, EWW!

Honestly, though, I would never betray B III and 2-V’s potential future stepmom, Not M!

And we will get to her in a minute, don’t worry, Inspector. Signing off… “Haphazardly?”

For now, I’m sticking with the fun son duo- uh, trio of yours truly, Braxton, and Virgil. A duo would be Viggo and Iosef Tarasov from John Wick. And what was in their future, Inspector? With what Iosef did to John Wick’s dog, stealing his car, and beating his ass.

“And you will do nothing because you can do nothing!”

Yeah, Viggo had it right, and he saw it coming; John hadn’t. But knowing, Inspector.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

“Knowledge is stronger than belief.”
The Book of Clarence (2023)

The Book of Clarence? What about the book of Braxton? Or any of the books that I have written. The Unfinished Archive? Nothing mind-blowing or worth celebrating a life. Any

What about a death? Braxton fought for every single breath, Inspector. And he would’ve kept fighting for me. Our lives sucked, but we had each other. Blows me away. Existing

As the song goes, “I didn’t know I’d love you so much, but I do.” And didn’t I talk about King Ezekiel from The Walking Dead: “And yet I smile…” Inspector, I sigh; I sleep with the misfortune of waking up. Hell, I adopted a whole other son. Virgil, Inspector.

Seriously, the son of a bitch has kept me alive at least four more years.

2022-2026. But I won’t blame him for the fact that my life blows. I’ve got forty-two years to thank for that. And then there is the promise of a woman who wants to blow me.

Inspector, must I be so crass? I am honest. Forty-two years ago, I knew living would suck and/or blow, so they had to rip me from my mom. And I knew that Braxton dying would.

But while the real world is blowing up all around me Monday, MAGA, and whatever mistakes I will make today… I’m still breathing. M Anime well, “You Dropped A Bomb On Me,” I’d tell her. She’s a “Sex Bomb.” My “Atom Bomb Baby.” Then she blows up… “You hate me.” Love… Boys This Blows, B-V

2047 Days Without B III, Day 1488 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Wednesday, August 26, 2026

Legacy 056 -B’s Are Silent, Virgil-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And I don’t only mean the fact that Virgil catches far too many Z’s. And when awake, Inspector…

B was like this; your brother was all that, the almighty Braxton Barks Bradford, Inspector.

I miss him. And besides his last breath, the last beat of his heart, how his head bobbed, Inspector. I remember the silence. B was brave enough to exist in silence. But he would bark his head off for anything and everything. And that’s what I’m thinking of right now. And it’s too much damn noise. Or it’s silent like a graveyard. “You choose.” Major…

“For better or for worse, there’s going to be wheat, and there’s going to be chaff. You choose, boys. Remember, you choose.”

“Shut the fuck up! Holy shit! Suck a dick, will you? I mean, just… You fucking lotus-eater. You old sack of shit. Shut up!”
The Long Walk (2025)

Excuse me, The Major from The Long Walk. The sound of my boots pounding pavement

More like wood or linoleum flooring, the Day Job, “The Bad Place,” my boys imagine.

Speaking of imagine… “Whatever You Imagine.” Wasn’t I last week or the week before… “Disgusting.”

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

I made up a whole story in my head that I had offended someone at the Day Job and they would never let me touch the speaker again. My nearly forty-two-year-old ass worried over something so trivial. And do we need to walk down the road of E-Day, Inspector E.

That’s causing the most noise—the sound of blowing out candles on an Emergence Day cake that I will never light. Hell, I might not have enough cash for a cake this year, I bet.

Between keeping Will’s Writings, Witticisms, and Wisdom/The Unfinished Archive alive. And the way my ISP keeps robbing me. I’m losing “Mo’ Money, Mo Money,” Echo.

That chime of the phone is rarely good news. And B III and 2-V’s, stepmother…

Potential Future stepmom to be sure. Braxton knows I appreciate her dirty Spanish, my dear Inspector Echo. But still I come off as one of The Yayhoos singing “Baby I Love You…” but leave me the Fuck Alone! Though that’s not exactly true this week…

Seriously! This bitch (Braxton’s words) broke my heart the 24th of last year and had me “Smokin Out The Window.” And all I wanted to hear was her crying, screaming, and moaning. Her and the man she supposedly chose. Suffering? Sexually? Am I a SIMP? A Sadist? The stuff I hear in the silence. Sex causes me not to think. The creation of a life…

Admittedly attempted, allegedly. But death can be noisy too. Shut-up? Scream? B’s Are Silent, Virgil

2033 Days Without B III, Day 1474 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Wednesday, August 19, 2026

Legacy 049 -Where Braxton Holidays, Virgil-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Where do I even begin? I didn’t ‘forget’ M Anime’s birthday. I can’t stay in bed. Stomach hurts…

How do I keep getting food poisoning? Unless it’s finally going to take me to my son, then I have no use for this pain. Like I told my boys’ Potential Future Stepmom, it’s not like I can afford a mortgage, and I’m definitely not getting into Heaven. Rainbow Bridge?

Wherever it is, Braxton spends his time. 50 Cent said, “Death gotta be easy ‘cause life is hard.” At the moment, YES! Inspector, I found my stones. They’re in my stomach right this second. Or whenever I look at M Anime’s yabbos. Did I see her in her Birthday Suit?

Maybe not yesterday on her actual birthday. But this morning for sure. What a woman.

And lastly, the Magic Glasses/MIMA brought up The Unfinished Archive.

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

It said that I’m using all the stones I’m throwing at myself to build a place, a palace, for my pain. Hell, Echo, it’s my freaking summer home because reality is way too much, ha!

Yesterday, I said I wish I’d never been born. That’s a hill I’ll die on. Again, don’t I wish, ha.

Like “Heaven’s Hill” in “The Long Walk”. Inspector, I want to be anywhere but here.

Only I’ve said before I will choose the physical pain over anything mental. Lying perhaps.

Because if I can survive losing my boy, I can survive anything else without complaint.

From one day to the next. Am I sure nothing else is coming up? Bad choice of words, right, Inspector? But I mean these days.

Smooth sailing until E-Day… Fuck me, Inspector, I didn’t expect today to take a turn.

However, “I’m Still Here,” lying in bed dreaming of anywhere that’s “Not Quite Paradise” as Bliss 66 sings. “But it sure feels like home?” You know I hate that word…

HOME… Home is where the heart is? I haven’t told Virgil I love him. And M Anime lost that privilege on… Braxton dammit! Sunday, August 24, 2025. Another freaking holiday!

An anniversary? It was the day M Anime broke up with me. Nothing worth celebrating.
“We Found Love” um, 5 months later. Home’s not heart or happiness, Inspector Echo. No

It’s where you have the least amount of “Hurt”. A vacation/holiday is freedom from all pain… Where Braxton Holidays, Virgil

2026 Days Without B III, Day 1467 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters
Will

Wednesday, August 5, 2026

Legacy 035 -Braxton, Virgil. I RAN-

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Using the IRAN title to… possibly get more views? Sure. But I can do so much worse, Inspector.

“And the bass keeps runnin’, runnin’, and runnin’, runnin’” That’s the Black Eyed Peas and not me saying “Let’s Get It Started.” About effing time! I got a haircut today…

Honestly, I didn’t feel like getting humiliated at the Day Job. That has nothing to do with my hair… a lot. And why should I care what they think? Next to me, they killed Braxton.

Oh, had to get dark all of a sudden. You should have heard me and my boys’ potential future stepmom last night. This morning was more fun with her, but we’ll get to that, Echo.

Today you know what got me up this morning… Besides M Anime’s Yabbos? I swear!

What if I treated everything like when Braxton was dying?

“Pinch me, pinch me
‘Cause I’m still asleep
Please, God, tell me
That I’m still asleep.”
Barenaked Ladies ‧ 2000

Hell, I didn’t sleep! And today I was walking Virgil and saw, like, this yellow lump on his tail. He needs a bath. He could have Cancer. I don’t know. How do I deal, Inspector?

Under no circumstances am I blaming M Anime. I’m only pointing something out. She and I were talking Spanish (Te Quiero, Papi), she says. Anyway, we’ve also been talking about funerals and pop culture. So I told her about this show that I don’t believe I can stream again, but YouTube did the synopsis for it. And so for three days I’ve been diving into Asian series and cinema, and I finally found it. It was simply “Teen Regime” (2022).

So I remember the Yabbos from Saimin Seishidou and M’s

Definitely M Anime’s. Reasons I’m not dead… I will not dishonor Braxton; I have his little brother to be a father to, and I need to hear M Anime moaning “Papi.” Plus, I would never leave her to be a single mother. A MAN PROVIDES. He doesn’t cut\cum and run.

So why am I so effing exhausted, Inspector? It ain’t battle. And providing… That’s funny.

Again, I’m the guy who can’t afford new Kindle books, and yet I have to keep Virgil and myself alive, pay for a haircut I can’t afford, and, when I got back, contemplated getting “The Last of Us” for ‘my’ PS4. And I still blame MAGA. I was doing fine until the second term. FDT! Myself? Braxton, Virgil. I RAN

2012 Days Without B III, Day 1453 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will