Log 320 ~The “Way Out” Will~

I and no good without my nap, but I have worse crimes, of course, and here I am plotting some sort of way out, or at least I hope so. How much is it going to cost me though $45 or more, hmm? The “Way Out” Will.

Saturday, May 16, 2020

Log 320 ~The “Way Out” Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how? Now you know how I hate sounding like the President. There are plenty of ways I would like this period in history to end though I lack the “liberty” to share them. Besides, we should talk about me and How’s It Going To End?

Should we talk about Thursday, seeing as how it’s Wednesday now? You’re seeing this as Saturday, though. The wonders of Time-Travel. Chances are I ain’t no fortunate son. Yeah, still at the Day Job and next week; there’s no end looks like. When’s the last time I finished a video game? Far Cry 5, NOPE, Heavy Rain, negative, Call me a Legend, are you serious with my little virtual harem? I know Lady Luna, but what was I doing in the shower? I see all my secrets coming to light, losing the social life that I do have, or being oh so sorry. Again there might not be an end, only repeating everything over and over. I’m sorry if I sound down, but this is what happens when I don’t get my afternoon nap. You know I still hate waking up early, and for what?

If there is an end, I hope it’s not like my books, me breaking, or a bunch of lost bucks. The emptiness Lady Luna, that’s the only way I can describe it. It feels so good, but then there’s only okay, and what do I have to show for it. 50,000 words, a clear mind for a few hours, or making some pretty girl happy. That’s what I have been sitting here contemplating. $45 to become a Patron. I only now got the Day Job back, and today I want to spend money, quick escape.

No Lady Lu, I’m talking to you because as the song goes, I’m Gonna Be Somebody. Funny, I use the song from Police Academy, and how often do I break the law? Yeah, I’m not behind bars… been there done that when I was in juvenile detention. It’s not like Coronavirus (COVID-19) did a number on me. Other than a bunch of new rules, and yes, I’m still mad at Academy Sports + Outdoors. I don’t let go of anything, right? My way out is with Bucks, Babes, and let’s say Biology for now, hmm?

So how to obtain those things, The “Way Out” Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 281 ~Fight Or Flight, Your Choice~

At the Day Job, what’s wrong with “being,” if I had anywhere else to go; if my motivations, mentors, and musings agree on anything at all it would be that I have to Fly Away, Run Boy Run, hey, hey I want to be a Rockstar. Fight Or Flight, Your Choice

Monday, April 8, 2019

Episode 281 ~Fight Or Flight, Your Choice~

Eightieth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, or with my current way of thinking, what will I do with the money? During my Meditation today, I imagined a vast yard for B III to play in, cut to a negative thought. A pool but I was more worried about him, the plights of a father isn’t that right? Also, can’t wait for this next season of Cobra Kai and so I envisioned my dojo. Only for me, I’m nobody’s sensei, and words are my way of fighting back. Still, I took Karate when I was younger. “I know Kung-Fu” as Neo put it, just positive vibes, and Best of the Best.

Such dreams take money Madam Justice, and these pages I write will be the beginnings of my wings. They will be my escape, and you know besides having a motivational kick. Now that is an excellent way to put, with words time flies. You’ve heard me talk enough about the “white room.” Living in stories I read, the novels I write, and most days TV serves as white noise. Only the tales will soon turn green with money giving me the strength to fly higher. Now I’ve never imagined myself the hero, but a protector of what belongs to me. My son, women, and yes we all have things we value. However to keep Triple B wrapped in comfort, to make women’s clothes fly off their bodies. To be careful with all that I possess?

I thought that fighting was the only way. That it makes one strong and make no mistake, I will. See something my father taught me inadvertently was that HATE is a DEATH SENTENCE. Now, who for, is up to you, but when I stand, I don’t fight to fight. No Madam Justice as Bill told Beatrix “I’m calling you a killer. A natural born killer” and I don’t want to. I am no coward but if I can run to preserve life isn’t that preferable? Call me a pervert, skeevy, ugly, a freak but STUPID that’s the doomsday device. To me that is betrayal, that’s circle nine Treachery. The worse crimes you could ever commit: One is the destruction of the soul, two would be the taking of life. As for Number Three, in any case, the ignorance of evil.

Don’t get me started on the Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice Debate. For the record I’m Pro-Choice. Only when you make it so a person would rather die than exist, that’s destroying a soul. Oh, and when I say taking a life, I mean that of the innocent. Madam Justice sigh like Negan said “I like killing people…” okay I’m losing track. Ahem fight or flight, why is there a need for one or the other. Yes, it’s because the world is how it is these days.

Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul and when one loses theirs? That’s why some dream of Heaven. Others lock themselves in Hell but remember to keep the key. Brothels, love hotels, movie studio; Fight Or Flight, Your Choice.
I Will Have No Fear

Episode 034 ~Getting Behind The Will~

Last week it was getting out of bed, and this week it was getting behind the wheel, and there is no time for baby steps, I’ve run like a madman for most of my life, and I would take an “ACME” rocket despite the consequences. “Getting Behind The Will”

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Episode 034 ~Getting Behind The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason to not turn around other than my past, because to quote another song; my future is coming on, and as fast as I might run I am in no hurry to go and catch it. You know how all these motivational studies of mine talk about purpose and why, like learning how to drive I just wanted to go faster, I need to escape, if anything I want to know a place where I will never be afraid.

The thing is Lady Luna there is no such place and not to sound like Trump or anything but as long as there’s air, no wonder the man wants to destroy the planet, my aunt said I wanted the same thing, but I saw no profit in it. There are days when I think that people can be okay and days when I believe a psychopath, a plague or purge is what the doctor ordered like yesterday, Master Yoda is right. Between being in line at Starbucks, driving, and Walmart, the one thing that was constant was the fear and rage threatening to swallow me.

“Behind every fear is a person you want to be. Fear is self-imposed, meaning it doesn’t exist. You create it. You can destroy it too. You face your fears and become the person you want to be. You run from your fears; you’re not living.” Greg Plitt 1977 – 2015

What a monster I must be not to want to go forward and face myself and what a coward I am for not wanting to turn around, but this isn’t a conversation for us, “I just want to know why” as the song goes. I could go on forever and a day about fear and my rage, again driving my car or getting to the library late, anxiety and Z Nation, what was that I said about a plague? All I know was yesterday I was in my car, listening to my affirmations and somebody started honking at me and first came fear, then “GTA Motherf*****” in less than a minute and change.

I’m not selfish enough, you heard me right, my life is spent learning about everything in this world so I might survive it and I don’t know anything about the survivor, the Man In The Mirror, the man behind the wheel, or before the keyboard. There are so many mirrors in a car, and I only need to avoid one, the vanity, the rest are showing me what to evade, I drive to the library to see who I might be, the day-job to know who I hate, just saying.

You know what they have in common, they keep me from being stuck but aren’t I always, what hurts more the mirror, the reflection in my dog’s eyes knowing he feels such love (wishful thinking) I hear that man say come and Find Me. That man might Hurt Somebody, yes I know “The Darkest Minds” which was perhaps the highlight of my week, maybe one day taking a Drive won’t be an escape until then Lu, Getting Behind The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 026 ~The Will To Escape~

Last week around this same time I was celebrating my escape from the norm, and today I feel as though I’m institutionalized wanting to get back into my story and at the same time committing the crime of doing everything else. The Will To Escape.

Friday, July 27, 2018

Episode 026 ~The Will To Escape~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to stay here as the song goes, maybe it’s the fact that people know they’re supposed to be quiet, unlike the movies I can get a good eight hours in, instead of a brief respite, or maybe it’s the fact that the library is becoming my gym. The sad part is today, I’ve been here since nearly ten, and I’ve used everything I can to avoid doing any real writing (Emails); for the second day in a row I’ve woken up early and fallen back asleep and why?

No excuses Lady Sophia, I’m tired, maybe I’m mad as Hell, and it’s not as if I don’t want to do this, I wouldn’t be here otherwise, and it could be plenty of other things to be sure, but the thing is I want to escape. Yesterday I was at the store, and when I was getting out of my car, this group of black teenagers was walking by, and they burst out laughing at me, and for a split second, I was that loser I once was back in school. The thing is I raised my head up, I didn’t run, put up my hoody, plug in my earphones or anything I kept walking and was pretty damn anxious to fight, but I wanted to, I should have… NO?

How many times have I said, I don’t grow, and maybe it’s not because I can’t afford a wardrobe but presumedly because I’ve become used to hiding, to make myself small, keeping my mouth shut to avoid offending anybody but I do that anyway with my writing? It’s people’s fault, as I said, I have my hood, my earphones, books, everything to avoid people but they don’t like the reminder of their insignificance to the rest of us, and this whole world is like a prison. So I resort to solitary confinement, my “white room” in writing which is my escape from the world and now I realize maybe escape isn’t the goal that I’m looking for dear Lady Sophia.

Like yesterday not with the teens but when one of the clerks overcharged me, and I walked back in there and got my money back, I want to bring the damn ruckus, but at this point, I’m empty still; I meant to get a shrimp dinner but settled on a burger. I didn’t want to deal with any more people yesterday, and now today I’m only mad at myself and yes call me a hypocrite because if I’m going to bring the noise to everyone else, I’m Will and truth is The Will To Escape.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 168 ~Bed Is For Sleeping~

Don’t we all have our place in the world and if bed wants to be mine who am I to argue, I can rage, rage, all I want from the comfort of my pillow but life has other plans sadly. Bed Is For Sleeping and living is for; does it even matter ha

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Lesson 168 ~Bed Is For Sleeping~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear of missing out on that though, for the past few days, my bed has been the center of my universe, though, besides my faithful dog, there is no sign of intelligent life, let alone living itself. As I was telling Indiana Gone today, I don’t know if it’s depression, sickness, or just plain exhaustion but the mere fact I’m up at all is a miracle, so food helps, surprise, surprise.

Not getting much relief from anything else, talk about being up, it’s been nearly a month now since I went on “hiatus” yes I’ve edged some and hell the longest I’ve ever gone is forty days and then let’s say the flood dissipates. You would think with all my free time I might do something constructive and if you count my day job then yeah but what was it I was saying about my depression? I can’t blame it all on work though, as much as I would like to, I think I’m becoming a sponge, and sooner or later you have to ring it out or throw it away.

Sad that I always have to remind you that I’m not on the path of suicide, trust me when something like that gets to me you’ll know, but I am reaching a threshold when it comes to all this negativity. Darkness infects the real world, and soon there will be fire, but when my fictional universes follow suit, I guess it’s just getting to be a bit too much. It’s as if I have hit a threshold of death and despair but what exactly was I expecting from The Walking Dead and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, I spent my one miracle on today sadly.

Sleep is the one escape from everything though there was one nightmare of being fired and considering my writing career and whatever I may have to do or not do tomorrow. Am I more or less frightened? It’s one thing when you know the gallows are built and ready, another when you have one more day in prison Lady Lu.

Have I even tried to learn anything today, it’s the reason I write down my rules and hoard the mail but even then, what of everything I’ve forgotten by now? There is always more blood, more hurt, more despair and what about fear, when I’m awake, Bed Is For Sleeping.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 150 ~To Reshape The World~

If you asked me the last time I took a vacation, give me books, my warm bed, at most a trip to the movies, why do I need to go anywhere else, besides the fact that I might want to find her so the both of us can run away together. To Reshape The World

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Lesson 150 ~To Reshape The World~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, live brave, for what could dare stop us if we’re together, as the song goes:

“And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you.”
the song Something Stupid

Which makes jumping out of an airplane look pretty sane if you ask me, and it might ask scare you to ask me more. Indeed I may scare myself. Don’t get me wrong the sight of you in a bikini as we lounge around on the beach, the sight of you before my eyes at all is a trip to paradise to be sure honestly.

If I don’t remind you enough, you’re an angel, a goddess, sitting on the couch watching a movie with you does the trick, as I would call you as they did in Willow “you are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky,” my choice in movies right? How about my choice in adventures, I’m not the biggest fan of “Lord of The Rings” or “The Hobbit” but going to New Zealand is something I never imagined I could do or would do, but when I’m with you… While everything says I wish that the bed was just a little bit bigger there is a lot of Earth out there and please don’t make me burst into Aladdin my love because you know I just might.

We’ll go to Disney World and Disneyland, and I’d like to think we’ll be those types of parents too, and here I don’t want to be like everyone else, but maybe I’m still a traditionalist or just a middle-class American. We might even escape together somewhere far away, travel the world, I’m not sure, but I want to be with you through it all and don’t they say that home is where the heart is? I could write from anywhere but isn’t the point that I’ll have my hands somewhere else than my keyboard, pen, tearing my hair out constantly.

I want to hold your hand as we walk every inch of this world, I want to see you before the greatest wonders of this place and still delight that I find not one of them, as amazing, as beautiful, as love, like you. I want to be with you in every way I can have you as if we’re telling “this one time at band camp,” stories just everywhere else. Could it be that I just want to show you off, would that be such a bad thing, maybe I just want to be sure that I’m the luckiest person alive as with our mere presence in it, the two of us may begin somehow To Reshape The World.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 133 ~A Little Bit Taller~

Living my life is one tall order, so everything I seem to do always feels like a reach, a stretch and even then everything looks so much bigger and farther out. A Little Bit Taller and then maybe I can see what awaits me

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Lesson 133 ~A Little Bit Taller~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but no quit either, or so I’m hoping to finish strong but don’t my words always fall short and I mean that literally. Not yesterday though, it’s always something when I actually finish five thousand words and why not today?

What’s the difference between fear and worry, I don’t fear to go to work, hate it, loathe it, despise it, the list goes on but at the end of the day I’m going to go anyway. When I think about it I can’t even remember what goes on, not like when we were talking every day but that’s not why I wish I were taller. As if I need to see any more of that place as is, but as for my other pursuit, my writing the only thing that truly matters is my word count thus the hours I’ve been logging these few days.

So what are my reasons for wanting to be taller… a question that has plagued men since the beginning of time “does size matter” maybe I just want to look down on people, at least physically as everybody looks down on me regardless. Maybe I wouldn’t be so worried about everything from the neck down if my brain was farther away… you, of course, know the small head seems to take precedence over the big one, sad but true. It could be that I just hate talking to people, again that’s my anxiety talking maybe but it’s as if a bunch of gnats or something is constantly buzzing over my ears and to smack them…

Considering my personal beliefs I’ve been talking about God a lot in my novel and if anything perhaps I just wish I could hear him better if he is even up there. How about I’m dreaming of escape, I’m in need of a wish, I want to know I’m growing instead of shrinking, like from the general manager a day or so ago, which sucked.

Who is it that decided that some must be brought low so that others may rain on high, I’m more for when “The Police” sang about your servant is your master, but thank goodness Braxton doesn’t have any fingers. So what have we learned today, that whatever you reach for needs to matter or maybe I’m just trying to see the future, so to be just A Little Bit Taller?

I Will Have No Fear

Falling Us

On the third day… I had a revelation… three little words “I love you”, most days the word love goes about all willy nilly but when we’re at the end I think that’s all we want to hear. Somebody loves us, I can’t say it to just some girl… Falling Us

So maybe it’s not a cape

But you’re not Lois Lane

Talk about bad news

Maybe… we’ll be happy

If the world keeps spinning round

 

For at least my heart was found

Before it was too late

Moon waxes and wanes

against a new golden hue

Watch World War Three, On Pay TV

 

Oh won’t you Stay With Me

Because I don’t hear a sound

While the world is reshaped

And people go insane

Isn’t that love… who knew?

 

You could love me like you do

My Atom Bomb Baby

Incoming and inbound

Only I don’t want to escape…

again, don’t run from the pain

 

We’ll watch the bombs rain

down and I will still love you

“I love you”… too late or too early

Yeah those words are bound

To fly away

 

Here’s to hoping, WE never find the ground

 

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Inspired by: Mia Rose, Crown City Four “Watch World War Three (On Pay TV)”, Sam Smith “Stay With Me”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby”, Lenny Kravitz “Again”, 98 Degrees “Still”, “CivilDefenseSpot” (YouTube) and a great many thanks to “Fallout 4”

 

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbMRhQw3jzo

Mia Rose (Falling Us)