Tale 084 ~Virgil, We Gonna B~

I didn’t know what to tell Braxton while he was dying. And I don’t know what to tell Virgil while he’s living. But they both sat in the same car seat, and I was trying to remember how to breathe. I was broke in more ways than one. Virgil, We Gonna B.

Saturday, September 23, 2023

Tale 084 ~Virgil, We Gonna B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Alright. Why do I tell myself this lie every morning? You don’t have to wake up.

So, is the night worse? Hell! Anytime I get to close my eyes, I consider it a win, Lady Lu. If anything, I need to count “my” blessings. I need to show gratitude this morning. There is money to spend this Saturday… Did I say that out loud for real? I mean, I did buy another audiobook. And since you know Lady Lunalesca, I won’t be finishing “A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising: A Novel.” Not today anyway, Lunalesca. There’s not a moment that goes by without bad news. I’ve got seven days to finish. Anyway, back to gratitude, AHEM. I’m keeping Imogen Linn in business reading about the Pessumae Christi. I’m learning new words like “Meretrix.” He who increases knowledge increases sorrow. Right…

No wonder Republicans would choose to stay STUPID and angry. And you know me, Lady Lunalesca. I’m always angry… and afraid. But I don’t want to be STUPID. Not ever. But where was I? Oh yeah. Blacked has their merchandise back in stock. What would M Anime think about that? And I’ve been going on for days about character customizations. As if I have time to worry about the book I was writing about Cherry… to a certain degree, Luna. I checked the Day Job schedule. I’m still broke, but with so many hours, Ha. Again, gratitude? How about that the fence hasn’t fallen? But who knows, it’s dark out. Braxton would be going crazy. Lunalesca, did you think I forgot about him? Virgil’s alright.

Oh, he’ll never be my son. That’s pretty harsh. More like both he and I will never be, B III. Did you see what I did there? It wasn’t much of nothing. I’ll never be much of nothing, even after this thirty-ninth “Exist Day.” Before that was M Anime’s thirty-fifth birthday. Yabbos? I meant to use the B-word, but you know how the critic gets. But I’ll always be obsessed with them. And whatever pair I’m blessed with seeing today while out and about, hmm. Broke, even more than now, is something I can expect as well. Shopping, existing, failing. Because B ain’t here. And how are we gonna be alright without my firstborn, Lunalesca? Breathing’s what I do. That’s existence. Virgil, We Gonna B

965 Days Without B III, Day 406 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,

Tale 054 ~B Thankful For Virgil~

The motivations I listened to spoke on Gratitude. I’m grateful for the meditations that help me breathe. It’s getting harder to do by the day. But my boys need me…Did I really say that? Believe it? B III was here once, and V. “B Thankful For Virgil.”

Thursday, August 24, 2023

Tale 054 ~B Thankful For Virgil~

935 Days Without B III, Day 376 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Hell! Today is Sunday, August 20, 2023, Time Travel. And today’s already to be ruined.

Do I blame you for not being here anymore? Nope. I still blame “me, myself, and I” for that. But I am thankful you were here once upon a time. Start with Gratitude, right? Little B, I’ll be grateful if your grandparents haven’t called today. We’re getting even closer, B. I mean not you and I because I can’t hear you. I’m trying, but I’m not waiting around either. No! I’m much too busy hitting the buttons and accomplishing nothing. So, why did I get these ideas of Gratitude? As I sit here in bed today. You’d be locked up. Yeah, that lets you know exactly what I was doing. And you thought my baby talk was crazy. With you, I had a voice B.

I’m thankful I heard it once. And that I didn’t sound crazy. Okay, yeah, it was plenty of madness. But at least I wasn’t talking to myself. Virgil’s here, but we never speak at all. He doesn’t know me, and as the song goes, “I think I’m turning Japanese.” Successful? Only at wasting my time with that sort of thing. What? You had a thing for your Aunt’s Yabbos, if I recall. I’m grateful I had… have a friend like her. But I haven’t heard from her in a while. Have you gone to check on her? You both know my feelings on E-Day: Emergence, Existence, and Extinction. To you, it was more fries and maybe a bit of steak. Grateful I’m eating anything now.

But I feel so good right now because I haven’t thought about it in a bit B. Not thinking… I haven’t thought about the fence being broken. It’s holding up well. And the yard? Humiliations Galore! Instead, I’m trying to avoid that, so it’s pretty short. And Virgil? Sometimes I wonder if you send him. I haven’t thought for a while he’s reincarnated. There are more reasons to shout praises. so that I’m not disappointed saying, “B wouldn’t do that.” But your grandparents… Hell! What about today, as in your Thursday? This is the worst day —at least, day job-wise. You know. As long as Virgil isn’t crying Wednesday and I ignore him, then… Am I thinking of joining you? Gratitude. B Thankful For Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Gospel 193 ~List It Up, Will~

One of the MANY motivations I listen to said that lists are a graveyard. Considering my impossible things, my resolutions, or a playlist of Whitney Houston, sure. If only I could make one of the good things about myself but no. List It Up, Will.

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Gospel 193 ~List It Up, Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you just want to be a better man. It’s like asking one of those pageant girls, would you rather be pretty or smart. Hell, you’d be a billionaire and a “Bad Man” than a “Poor” one and a great man, good, well you’re alright. Not really.

It’s not like you’ve ever been served divorce papers. Other than a few days stint in Juvie, you’ve never been convicted of anything. There’s been a parking ticket here or there. Do you remember the first? It made you go suicidal. With your father… understandable. We often talk about how you’re fucking up (pardon my French). Yep once a week. Still, it sucks to hear it from other people you know. Last night reading over the Dæmon’s vet care. I felt like such a horrible parent. It didn’t stop you from sleeping late, hmm. Understand that I don’t mean to be so down on you, so early, 6:45 AM. Are you ever again going to live by “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life?” You did and then went back to sleep for 20 minutes more. Fought Addiction, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Island by Gary Paulsen

I am proud of you. Already there’s a list of “stuff and thangs” you want to say. It’s like your DRUG. You don’t feel right without them, but as the song goes, “to keep me awake and alive.” Before you forget, playlist 4:00 AM, Air Tonight (Protomen), and Peter Gabriel. If it ain’t music or Netflix, it’s novels. One more reason you’re down today. At least Eric Vall kept me excited with his books, but we can’t talk about them. Now it’s “A Different Alchemy” Jeffery and his son Galen. One more thing to show your dad like failures, yep.
Only I don’t want to do that, and neither do you. Not sure if this will become the norm, but as another song goes, here comes success. You don’t even have a title. But there are some things you have done well. They should matter, New Year’s Resolutions, it’s 11.

  1. I Have Purged Pictures From My Phone (6000 to 800)
  2. I Have Taken My Son To His Vet Appointment (Okay)
  3. I Have Only Spent $100 Off My Stimulus Check Now
  4. I Have Ordered New Masks And Filters, Looking After Myself
  5. I Have Become More Organized In Certain Areas Of Life
  6. I Have Acknowledged Good

Old habits Die Hard. You’re not sure how positive I have been at the start of this New Year. I AM Speaking Positivity Into My Life is the eleventh resolution. You want to believe you’ll do better. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading A Different Alchemy, Chris Dietzel

I hope you’ll “listen up,” but List It Up, Will.

I Will Have No Fear