Gospel 070 ~Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills~

What do you want to be when you grow up? I could have given you a million answers when I was a kid. Now I usually stick to three, and I’m not close to any of them, to be honest, considering the Day Job. Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills um…

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Gospel 070 ~Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have so many nice soft beds to choose from. Why aren’t I in bed now? Inspector Echo, I worked an eight-hour shift at a place I hate. Hell, I huffed and puffed, I was humiliated, and there’s still so much hatred. Yeah, somebody should have told four-year-old or maybe five-year-old me to try harder. Here we are, two days after “Existence Day,” and I ask myself while listening to “Hurt” and motivations. What have I become? Writer, Adult Movie Director, Brothel Owner?

How am I still so ashamed? Inspector Echo, again I face embarrassment at the Day Job. “You wake up one morning, and half your life is gone,” as the song goes. I can tell you I never thought um (What’s My Age Again) I’d be in retail. Books, Broadband, Broads? Well, Inspector, I wouldn’t be opposed to selling those things. I mean no disrespect; they sell a service. For the longest time, I’ve been saying I’m going to publish my books. I don’t know how many I’ve written for NaNoWriMo. Then there’s The Passion Network. Showtime, maybe Cinemax, those were the days, Inspector Echo. Only for now, “I’m a Subscriber.” Yes, I could tell you all about being a member of several OnlyFans and SubscribeStar. Or even another “modeling” site.

Anyway, I joined up somewhere else that I won’t mention. I keep coming back to shame. I’m not ashamed to say I “write” Erotic Fiction. I can say the word Pornographer because it beats what I’m doing now. Dennis Hof is my idol R.I.P. to such an extraordinary lifestyle. When I was but a child, I wanted to be everything from living life as a swordsman to an astronaut. I wanted to serve the U.S.A. as a fighter pilot; then, I wanted to be a war journalist. There was a time that Journalism was my major. Pen, Paper, Photos, Pens, Pussy. Wickedness Inspector Echo, excuse my language. Oh, stop me before I sound like Trump. Person, woman, man, camera, T.V. Now I swear that Grammarly won’t note that sentence, Inspector.

I have dreams that I have to make real and the idea that I haven’t by this point? Yes, I am so sorry, and I haven’t fallen asleep yet, but what have I accomplished? At what time did I get back? Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 037 ~Mother Of Excuses Will~

Even if I made that billion dollars I’m always professing to have, I’m sure my Mom would not be pleased I live my life “This Way.” Only being a starving artist ain’t winning me any points either. “Mother Of Excuses Will”

Friday, August 7, 2020

Gospel 037 ~Mother Of Excuses Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be reading more. One of my favored motivations talks about how Warren Buffett reads for six hours a day. We all know that Oprah Winfrey is obsessed with books. I wanted to fashion myself after Bill Gates and at least read a book a week. Here it is another Friday, and I haven’t picked up my latest book, “Too Late.” Once again, I haven’t looked at “For A Fine, Cherry Spread” since I won Camp NaNoWriMo. Now the question is, why haven’t I? My how time flies.

As the song goes, “I came up with a million excuses.” No, Lady Sophia, I don’t miss the Day Job. As a matter of fact, I’ve been kicking myself all this week, worrying. Dale Carnegie must be rolling in his grave. I don’t see myself as Asa Jackson and his obsession with Sloan. Let’s keep it real. Every Erotica I read, the guy is “infatuated” with the girl. You know what I wanted to say, but Grammarly would have dinged me for using the same word. Anyway, MILF Tres, aka Special K, said she wanted a guy “passionate” about her. I am… with seeing her Yabbos again and totally naked. Sigh, before I head down a Dirty Diana train of thought, hell, it’s taken me a week to clear my inbox. I’m almost there. Only would my mother be proud?

That leads me to today and the reason I’m not reading or writing. What we’re doing, Lady Sophia is having a conversation. Last night, I had this bad dream, which is pretty different because it was one of my “Sexxx Dreams” thanks, Lady Gaga. Did I ever mention how kickass Sick Fux By Tillie Cole is? So I was doing something pretty “effed” up. I’m not sure what it could have been… well, again, I’m trying to keep it in my pants. In the dream, though, my Mom caught me, and um, that was that. You know how I conceive any vision, Lady Sophia. They serve as messages, most of the time, warnings. This dream might not even have anything to do with my mother. Yesterday I was talking about MILFS Uno, Dos, and Tres. All I know is, this morning, I wanted to get back reading. If only to dream of something other than the Mother Of Excuses Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 175 ~Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move~

Run boy run, as the song goes, running’s a victory because even then I’m getting somewhere and if you ask me where I’m going, well tomorrow is Christmas Eve after all and while I imagine roaring fires? “Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move”

Monday, December 23, 2019

Log 175 ~Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move~

Hundred And Sixteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t follow the money. The truth is I follow my purpose as my motivations point out. One more early day, another mention of Far Cry 5. I beat the first “level” last night. Holland Valley Region Liberated, meaning I can finally take a breather. Isn’t that the problem, breathing is never enough for me, and at the same time, it takes so much to do so. I mentioned motivation, and I read, you must be careful how you talk to yourself. That your body doesn’t know the difference, positive, negative.

What you say and do matters, and is that why I choose neither. The effort gets to be too much sometimes. Another one of those self-help titles talks about you only need to feel good. When I wake up like this, the truth is I’m exhausted, but I’m super after the conversation. It doesn’t matter if I have to take a shower or I get to go back to bed. I’m moving forward, Madam Justice. Whether it be words, women, or warfare, and then I have to wonder where I’m going. Here’s another question, am I being dragged, am I all Do or Do Not, am I digging holes? Each footstep digging a grave? I don’t mean to sound morbid, again, careful how I speak about myself. At this time of the year, shouldn’t I be happier, one of those dirty words right, Madam Justice?

I’m trying Madam Justice; I’m even reading another Christmas story. Snow Angel by Minx, that’s as festive as I’m going to get. One more thing, every little step I take, as the song goes, I’m told is wrong. People demand I grow up but don’t look to the stars. I was about to mention slugs, but again, language. Do you remember when I would call myself out for that when I was cursing? Should I say I have more in common with Reginald Barclay or Vincent Anton Freeman? Despite being easily forgotten or their failures, and many fears they kept going. Living in the darkness Madam Justice, if you’re moving, there is no wrong direction. It’s why like those XBOX commercials, I ask, do I step, or do I leap? Why do we fall? How about why I have no throne here as of yet?

I’ve got no time, Will’s Watching, Waiting, Hoping, Just Move.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 168 ~Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder~

I wonder, is my Mom be proud of me? My Day Job is nothing and how I wish to earn my bread well; in either case, I never feel like I’m working hard enough and she’s not getting any younger. Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder Will. Happy Birthday Mom

Monday, December 16, 2019

Log 168 ~Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder~

Hundred And Fifteenth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I should be, I know. Okay, before I begin, ha, I want to say Happy Birthday to my mom. If she ever read this blog well, better not to wish that at all. She doesn’t want to see the “man” her son has become. I’m not Martin Luther King Jr by any means, but I Have A Dream. Well, I did last night, which is quite easy to interpret. One more reason to laugh, I was going on a date with Sabrina Nichole and some other girl. Sabrina was “tethered” to me, and I was embarrassed, so I unhooked her, letting her run into the green.

It was a green mountain Madam Justice, thick and luscious. I don’t know about the other woman, but I kept my eyes on the prize of Sabrina. She was traveling through and made it to the top with ease. She is waiting for me and ain’t I the funny one today. Anyway I get stuck in the green, I’m not moving at all, I can’t climb up. I can’t resist, right myself to stand or even rest. This morning I’m still exhausted, but I got up a lot easier Madam Justice. Okay, what is the point of the dream, Higher, Further, Faster baby. You know what I can say about women but still “Family-Friendly.” I even changed the rule ever so slightly, but yeah, the truth is the truth. I could also quote Scarface to tell you what my dream means, but I’m not dreaming.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

I will admit yesterday was a setback, and I didn’t even have the heart to keep fighting for what I wanted. Madam Justice, I barely watch wrestling when it’s on TV, so why try stealing it by looking for streams. I could always pay, publish, or perchance do something else constructive, like reading. Playing works too as I advanced in Far Cry 5 last night. I finished The Widomaker and Valley Armed Convoy missions. Back to the point of today, though, to quote another movie. “If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention.” Here I am Madam Justice, way before “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life” I want it.

Rhyme or Crime, Fire and Desire, as the kids say, we want the smoke so, Want It, Work “Freaking” Harder.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 096 ~Alpha, Omega And Will~

The week before it was the Day Job, last week I needed to be a CEO, and this week, well with every Saturday it’s therapy with a bit of dream interpretation; beware hot brunettes, a new Asian girl, sex in general ha. “Alpha, Omega, And Will”

Saturday, October 5, 2019

Log 096 ~Alpha, Omega And Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and for once, I wasn’t dreaming for more. How am I ever supposed to stay motivated if I keep speaking like this, Lady Lu? I write the truth, and even Dennis Hof said, people, don’t change. Now I wonder is that what my dream was about last night. Now the Walking Dead starts tomorrow among other things. You remember Alpha don’t you but more so Lydia (Cassady McClincy). Here I am, with my weakness for a hot young brunette as always.

Once upon a time, it was Asian women. Now, this is more of a story for “Dirty Diana.” When I decided to “Come Up and Try My New Parts,” it was thanks to Victoria’s Secret catalogs. Still, it was something so “exotic about Asian women. My first real crush was Tina Nguyen (Tram-Anh Tran) from Ghostwriter. Sex and writing were tied up from an early age. When the Internet was born, one of my first searches was Princess Ayeka naked. Hell, that’s how I discovered Hentai. Now I’m a grown-ass man (LANGUAGE), and I’m still into Zone-Tan, the Hentai Key Girl, and Back Alley Hooker. Somehow I thought I moved on when I got “deep” ha into brunettes. Let me say again I believe all dreams contain messages, meanings, and the very best moans. So last night, it was an erotic smorgasbord of Asian women. I wake up this morning to discover Lydia has some Asian lineage inside her too.

Before I make a specific dick joke (LANGUAGE…), why is any of this important? You know I study dreams trying to prevent disaster. I talked about the new book I was reading that says you must live in Day-Tight Compartments. It also tells one to acknowledge the worst that can happen; you can move forward. My problem is I see the worse of others always. I then do things and think, oh fuck (LANGUAGE), for the tiniest “crimes.” Lady Luna it’s one reason I feel grimy. It’s my dirty dreams about Lydia, ravishing many hentai girls, and of course Maitland Ward. How about sexual Pinterest names for Olivia Holt? There was one particular redhead I had a board for, and I got so frightened I changed the name. Oh yeah, and locked it down too.

The beginning of life might be the end, meaning sex. Dreaming Alpha, Omega, And Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 087 ~Wil’s Gift Of Gag~

These days you have to get everything in writing and on video, but still being a black man in America, hell a man like me, somethings, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and how I try. Will’s Gift Of Gag.

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Log 087 ~Wil’s Gift Of Gag~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but should I be spreading that around? Well, I got my first model interview and how long did it take me to tell her that? What about my first model period; as the song goes “I’m begging.” Hell when I first met “Indiana Gone” I took her to a place where you can’t talk. Relax Dirty Diana, it was too the movies and speaking of which, what have I been watching these days; um research?

Yeah, I still have MILF Dos’s videos, and the greatest thing ever is hearing her moan my name. Next to that would be all the messages my Gig has received. Of course as I said, only one of those has panned out. I talked to a would-be scammer for a while remember. Three promising women have yet to get back to me at all. Me and my big mouth doesn’t go with any job nowadays. I’m still a big believer in Co-Ed Confidential’s James when he said “vote with your crotch.” All the more I understand why I do what I sometimes do? If I wasn’t on NO FAP would I still feel the same way? Like Dennis Hof, most men nut and go to sleep. He went looking for the next party. Sex keeps most of us awake right? In those hours though I instead not be talking Diana.

Again while I praise voices raised in ecstasy, you know how I value silence. Take, for example, that girl in Black Widow Vol. 2. Now that was a neat little mouth toy they gave her when she was theirs. You know it could be my fear of saying something well; STUPID. I still hate that word but what do I have to offer; idiocy makes beauty downright atrocious. Am I not down to fuck an idiot? I believe Carlos Mencia said, “if you are a D, please don’t marry a D.” Not that I’m going that far, Dirty Diana. Why don’t I be the man who likes blowjobs? Could it explain the appeal of a songstress? I still have that fantasy of a woman with her panties in her mouth. How about this, do I fear rejection so much? MILF Dos took an excellent opportunity; this model gets an interview.

I should talk to someone, don’t you think Dirty Diana? Only Will’s Gift Of Gag.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 080 ~Will Needs Role Models~

As the song goes, I Need A Hero, well maybe not a hero but a teacher, a guru, hell I’m dominant in the bedroom, but daily life is quite vexing. To think they called Daria the “Misery Chick.” “Will Needs Role Models”

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Log 080 ~Will Needs Role Models~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but if I listened to Dennis Hof, I’d have more. If I got around to rereading his book and I am trying. I’m not discouraged today, well today of all days, Thursday should be the best. Hell, why not every day, according to my many motivations. The voices in my head Dirty Diana and for once I mean my headphones. I could use their success but nowhere near their path. We need, no I need, my heroes where are they?

I’m starting from the top, Dennis Hof. A man who went from owning gas stations to brothels and he was a Republican politician. I couldn’t tell you a thing about his policies but from pennies to pussy. I’m lazy only lying here, but he didn’t go to bed without a naked lady or his dog Domino. Speaking of going to bed alone, I still wonder how “he” spent his nights. A modeling director I’ve mentioned before, but you know I go through such and such moments. Sometimes I’m proud and others, scared to utter a fucking word. Not Sean Weathers though. Now I’ve never seen one of his films all the way through. The thing is he created such movies at all. Someone said he only wanted to get laid but can you blame him?

Well, I blame my modeling guru, that’s how I found out about Kaelin. I’m a big fan of hers and her “sisters” Kelsey and Kandace. I found out though that Kaelin passed away recently. So, of course, they removed her image from their archive. The girl I can’t have makes me want her even more. It makes me question why I can’t have a typical role model. Yes, like celebrities, but I was thinking more like at the Day Job. Some girl died, and I couldn’t tell you who she was to save my life. A naughty nymph dies, and I scour the internet. No, my “father” was never my hero, but he takes care of his family, moneywise. I’ve hated nearly every boss I’ve had at the Day Job. My uncle, directed films but he also cheated on his wife; could I be better?

Relationships like Mr. Hof, proud to say my name, create like Mr. Weathers. I do want a family but so many lifestyles Dirty Diana, Wake Up, Will Needs Role Models.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 077 ~Great, Just Be A Man~

I’m better than I was yesterday, but everything within me wants to argue you that fact and I need only wait until I get around some people and what the hell will happen to my manhood. Great, Just Be A Man.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Log 077 ~Great, Just Be A Man~

Hundred And Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Millionaire right now and remain a stickler for time. Haven’t I always been and with the Day Job? I need to be a step ahead, still. Does that mean I’m running? Well, Run Boy Run. The question is, where am I going, hell I’m always running at the Day Job. I woke up this morning (Sunday) because of a nightmare. Remember “Stupidest” from the Day Job; the dream had me running from a gaggle of them. Somebody killed me, but I don’t know who. Anyway, the moral I got was they were the better man.

Which, of course, leads me to today? Yesterday I got my Patreon running, and this morning I got my modeling page up. These are the thoughts of a businessman, a man that is doing. You know I’m always on the cusp of quoting Yoda or some great erotic writer. If I were only to be me though SIGH I’m upset I lost a Facebook friend. I’ll be in a bad mood for this week for a variety of reasons. Oh yeah, and the first block I was expecting came from the unexpected. What the hell NaNoWriMo I thought it was a funny meme. Speaking of pictures, what’s that I said about a modeling page? Can you believe I had the nerve? The moment I start talking about cover girls, I get a message from my publisher. Now that gave me a chill without a doubt.

To think; that’s one reason I hate fear so much, it stops you from thinking. Anyway, I want to live such a life, and the smallest things get in the way. You know maybe that’s the rub. Now, this is more Lady Sophia’s thing, but a writer is akin to a god. The idea is after I create the man has to deal with the mess. Mountain from a molehill so you might ask me why go all out. Again it makes me feel great and then I know I’ll have to get by when it comes to life. If I had my way Madam Justice I would be strong enough to tell people to Fuck Off (LANGUAGE). What happens to those kinds of people in my stories? One of my motivations says to be the hero of your story. Why live History books? Before that Madam Justice, needn’t be Great, Just Be A Man?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 073 ~Ahegao If You Will~

The only O Face I’ve made in weeks is Oh My Sweet Buttery Jesus. I should make gaming videos like TheRadBrad but as far as neglecting things I haven’t played Heavy Rain in a while, working on my life’s purpose. Ahegao If You Will

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Log 073 ~Ahegao If You Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now and on the grind. Yes, that made me want to laugh too, but I’m interested in another face. Is it a smile? Well, I did find my Fidget Cube or sooner had it returned; it was sitting on my locker at the Day Job. As far as work goes, this is endgame. The theme this week, writing and women, which is plenty of work. Speaking of which, listening to Spotify, I found that Jennifer Love Hewitt song “It’s Good to Know I’m Alive.” Adding to my, well not temptation but Vicki Vallencourt from “The Waterboy.”

Now I always say that dreams are messages. Last night with my porn studies; Dirty Diana, I am studying the legality of creating adult movies. Anyway, it’s hard work, dirty work, okay I’m trying to stop. How do my motivations say, when you do what you love, right? Only remember I was studying Sin Stocks last week? Finding out anything about the adult entertainment industry has complications. There’s no plan other than finding a good lawyer, and Legalzoom wants $216 for a business advisory plan. Add them and Wendy’s to Ruby Tuesday; businesses I hate. So now I’m making a mad face but where’s the gratitude? I’m not lying in bed, I didn’t get fired from one job, and I’m working on my life’s purpose.

I still hate smiling, though, which leads me to another face, “Ahegao.” When I was young SIGH, I moved up another age bracket. Now Ahegao means panting or moaning face. Dirty Diana, that’s perfect for my book “GULP.” I should talk to Lady Sophia about that but when my worlds of sex and writing collide? Even this morning on top of everything else I was looking at how to get File Upload Forms. I also watched a video on release forms. Would I do such a thing if I was some horny fuckboy? You know I have more porn than I know what to do with and I stole around 95% of my collection. Getting girls to take off their clothes hell, I’ve done that so it’s possible. I sound like Les Brown. It’s Possible. Why is it so difficult to learn though and why not try something more conventional?

Again it’s good to know that I’m alive. Nothing does it like an “O Face” or Ahegao If You Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 066 ~Lust This Once Will~

Last week I said, Somebody’s Got To Do It and every day when I’m not living up to my potential well hell, I’ve nearly quit my job a few times this week for people treating me like I’m stupid and I shouldn’t be happy. Lust This Once Will, I wish.

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Log 066 ~Lust This Once Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but Dennis Hof was worth more. I can imagine the stories Jimmy Stephens can tell. Only this week, I began studying Sean Weathers. They’re B-Movies; lacking funding but quite fascinating.

I’m somewhat uneasy mentioning these gentlemen. That alone might suggest this line of work isn’t for me in some way. However, much like my writing, though it’s something that has never left my mind. In a way it’s like people and religion. My steadfast belief in the zombie apocalypse. What about that dream where my mom was ashamed of what I do. It’s one of the reasons I’ve been studying. Hell, I wanted to be a YouTube reactor once. Tell me how to do that on-screen screen action I mean everyone does that. It’s a man’s purpose to talk a woman out of her clothes, procreation and such. I’ve done it before with my poetry though I didn’t reap the benefits. I’ve paid to get it done but no sex; talk about self-control though “Okay” might disagree. Now what Diana?

Dennis Hof wrote about taking girls on dates. Only he wasn’t the boyfriend. Bad boys would pay him to fool the parents, and all he need do is deliver the girl for the real dater. Doesn’t that sound evil but I’ve sounded like that all day. Today is Wednesday. I also read that Jimmy Stephens is getting back into the business. Now you know I can do that on Pinterest. I got nailed for one of my boards a year or so ago with “clothed” adult actresses. One of my “hottest” boards though it’s strange. Lastly, Sean Weathers; now let’s say his movies pan out at $3,000 to $5,000 a pop? I’m not that brutal, yeah says the man who tried to talk two redheads into a Purge/The Corpse of Anna Fritz mash-up. I only got a thousand and a publishing contract that’s gathering dust.

Yeah, I could be working on my book, but I’m talking to you a day early. Instead I have research, how much actresses cost, equipment, and video release forms. Doesn’t sound sexy today but it beats the organization skills of the Day Job. Also I’m still keeping it in my pants. Thursday I will be much too tired and humiliated. What happened to positivity, my Day Job, that’s what. Be happy, Lust This Once Will

I Will Have No Fear