Episode 351 ~Crazy, The Best People Are~

Crazy to say I’m a father, B III is my son, crazier to sing If I Had A Million Dollars, craziest to want to own a brothel in Nevada. It worked for Dennis Hof. He had Domino, was a Rich Pimp, and the Bunny Ranch. “Crazy, The Best People Are”

Monday, June 17, 2019

Episode 351 ~Crazy, The Best People Are~

Eighty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, I’ve never stopped believing. Now Madam Justice I am also crazy, there’s not a doubt in my mind. We might all be mad, and there are several categories. The people who believe there sane are the worst of us. Ironic isn’t it; you would think I like them the best. There are the people in jail, attach anything you want to them. Some kill, some want money, some commit all manners of atrocities. Their reasoning, of course, makes sense to them. Others accept what they are and then what?

Let’s start with the crazy I know. I’ve never been a drunk or a smoker of “cigarettes.” Never abused any woman; okay, I hit my little sister when I was a child, and it was her ankle. I got the shit whipped out of me that night. I hate the church but respect a few believers. One day I hope our beginning or end involves the viral hordes of the undead. There are aliens out there somewhere. Death isn’t the end, but I don’t buy any religious philosophy around its conception. I could go on, but what about crazy these past few days? I’ve organized one Pinterest board into Seventy-One sections. Too afraid to change some titles. Even now haven’t made one stride towards my poetry compilation. I still think I’ll be arrested any day now for words. My Day Job destroys me, but I’m not leaving it anytime soon.

Madam Justice I would instead people think of me as CRAZY than STUPID. You know that’s my trigger, but they both originate from the same place, my “FATHER.” If what he is, Christian? Smoker, wife beating, wife cheating, anger-driven madman passes for complete sanity? Well, crazy isn’t winning me anything ever but a dog and a few friends. One less I’m afraid as I haven’t heard from “Okay” in forever. What about the man in the mirror? He doesn’t look crazy; he seems, well dead.

Should be since I forgot about Father’s Day. It’s only a crazy man or pathetic one still needing Daddy’s help. Is it crazy to believe I can do better? Mad to want to have my brothel someday from “Humping Harlot Hannah” to “Man Milk Mackenzie.” Told you I’ve been busy. I have Faith of the Heart in a million, but I’ll have billions. I’m better; Crazy, The Best People Are.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

There was a time I was willing to do almost anything for a paycheck, I picked up trash over the summer, was in the Navy about a month and worse of all RETAIL, but I’m not willing to do what I love… Help Wanted Willing Writer.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; I should, I must, and I keep telling myself I will and then I sleep a few more hours, I make another Pinterest gallery, I add another playlist to Spotify, good things come to those who pay, so I should start. That would involve getting a real job first of all, and I’ve already been over my current day job, and how many people don’t want me to have it because of my past and I’m not like them at all.

It sucks when you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, but I’m not trying to be Atlas, one more job that I don’t want to do this week, maybe I’m getting set up for tomorrow’s lists of failures. A book reviewer… well that would involve getting through another book, and I have so many on my plate as is, and what I’m reading now “Under His Heel” by Adara Wolf… I don’t hate the book as is but I’m not gay. I’m also not that helpful, I have ninety-nine reasons I’m not a doctor, make that one hundred, I don’t like people, but I am interested in the human anatomy and oh yes, pain, humiliation, even blood.

I like figuring out the mind, I was dreaming about pain, my current excuse as to why I didn’t go to the library today (back pain), but the thing is when I go into Sadism mode, that means I care enough to inflict it but when people are so worthless I rather not… See I’m attempting to figure myself out first, I believe you must do this before you can discover others but that doesn’t mean you can’t have help, my “father” taught me hatred disguised as love, my son showed me, unconditional love. What about women, because of my mother I seek wisdom, and other women gave me the power of choice, the will to be passionate, and the discovery of my private parts, I mentioned, I’m not gay.

So like Eikichi Onizuka, Dennis Hof, or Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts, well I could go into more details but that’s Dirty Diana’s thing, so I want a job where I can stay in bed, listen to music, judge erotic themes that aren’t gay, and play with the human body lots. I want to inflict pain but not anything serious, I want to care, I want to explore and organize, and love the ladies.

Onizuka became a high school teacher, Mr. Hof owns brothels, Sir Mix-A-Lot was a rapper, and I want to write so why don’t I start with Help Wanted Willing Writer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

What’s one more lazy day, I couldn’t scream to get up but one noise from my phone and it’s time to get to work, just in case right and let me say that church never got me to do that but the day job, my father, a pretty girl *sigh*. Will Whisper To God

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; well I hear tell people will sell their souls to Satan for much less and give themselves to God for nothing at all and pretend that their Laughing With either or. I believe that the Devil gives better advice but at the same time what is the sum of human wisdom… I figured there was a good reason I dreamed about Alexandre Dumas, to the point, quotes and The Shawshank Redemption; more jail dreams just saying.

‘all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.” ― Alexandre Dumas

That seems to be my battle cry these days, and people have often told me I’m a good listener unless it’s something about me, and then they all turn into politicians, but hell I’m the same when it comes to listening to myself sadly. There’s never an argument when I have to get out of bed in the morning for the day job, no confusion when my little boy needs me to let him back in the house and when a beautiful girl comes calling, wow. If anything that’s what got me out of bed today, another pretty girl on “Whisper” did I ever tell you that’s how I met Indiana Gone, met another girl who couldn’t stand my face.

Now did she say that; not in so many words and now I got one more that disappeared all of a sudden and so I listen to my inner voice, and you know how they ask would you like you if you met you; yeah I hate that guy. The Devil Is A Lie, but she’s focused, and as I often say, everything I could ever want in this world is impossible, immoral, illegal, and insanity but not to her; does that make me sexist making the Devil female? It explains why God never had a chance, the Devil would, of course, garner my desire but God, Our Father, a black man that I could never talk to, oh yeah he’s always there right but these are not the days to cry out to him, roar, or scream, no you whisper Lady Lu, remember that.

It’s why the world is a mess right now and if we are born in God’s image; again, I don’t fear success, but I have seen what I do when I’m no longer whispering, the worlds I’ve created, the actions I have taken and yet I Will Whisper To God.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 076 ~Will Etch In Stone~

A hot day today or is that me being sick, maybe my anger was burning my brain giving me fever dreams of making a lot of money, a million dollars to be exact and I’ll have a few days to think on that, give myself ideas. “Will Etch In Stone.”

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Episode 076 ~Will Etch In Stone~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to believe it other than the fact that Bruce Lee said “be like water” and that can break down a stone, and in one way I’m attempting to erase bad habits, at the same time, I want to mean what I say. So what is it that I mean to say, a part of me knows it’s a stupid thought with all my broken resolutions, the fact that I can’t ever seem to accomplish my six impossible things, I fell asleep sitting here but before I see “The Day” again, I’m going to make One Million Dollars.

Now I’m sure Lady Lu that by tomorrow I’ll probably have forgotten about this, but today at work it suddenly came to me, by next year I’ll be a millionaire, that’s it, no more, no less. When I was a child I thought, that all it would take is two hundred dollars and all my problems would be solved, well congrats, I’m sitting on a thousand dollars, all part of my Alamo Fund. Am I beginning to turn around perhaps, instead of planning how to die, planning how to live and not day by day but in the long run? Hell, I’m still attempting to get through this day’s sickness.

Considering I didn’t have to deal with Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest, and the general manager stayed out of my face for the most part, so It Was A Good Day minus being sick, again thinking long term. An attempt to be healthy and what did it get me; I can’t let that stop me though, and this was the first time I tried to set a real time limit, then again why am I writing so late? If it helps I finished reading one more novel, that’s something else to put in stone, I’m a lifetime reader, I always get sick before work but when I eat it’s worse, and I keep thinking I’m going to make that money in a year and I have no idea how dear Lady Luna.

You take the first step, and that should be tomorrow, but it’s already late and if I were to take a chance at dinner, who knows if I’m getting over this sickness and my son isn’t doing too well either. As I told “Indiana Gone” when it rains it pours, if only sweat was falling like tears or the bottles of Sprite I’ve been downing like water all day today but yes I am working towards One Million Dollars this time next year, I shouldn’t forget, Will Etch In Stone.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 069 ~Well Will Wasn’t Lit~

I’ve never been one for burning books… well except if those books happen to have my name on them, or from a blog here or there but as you can probably see I haven’t been on fire lately anyway. “Well Will Wasn’t Lit”

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Episode 069 ~Well Will Wasn’t Lit~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason other than they burn books at 451 degrees, that we shouldn’t say goodbye to Summer just yet or that I haven’t made a wish on a star forever, so why on Earth would I need candles? This whole week, I’ve expected squad lights, an interrogation room, I’ve seen the sun in the sky and the light reflected on nickels and dimes, cash burning a hole in my pocket, while I’ve watched others lights vanish into Hellfire itself easily.

Can we at least agree that the cops aren’t looking for me? With as many as I’ve seen… probably not without a healthy dose of Electroconvulsive Therapy (yes I looked that up). Maybe one good release but I’m back on NO FAP. Should I get back to writing then and be warmed by my fire… probably not today, a man has to eat and while I would prefer another type of Cherry Pie than what I had on “The Day” well DoorDash is enlightening. Speaking of which I’m sure you’re interested how “The Day” turned out and I would say that I’ve seen the light, but you know how I tend to repeat history and so I didn’t need it to know *sigh* That’s How You Know you f***** up.

Should a person get more responses than the age facing them, that would be thirty-four, besides “Indiana Gone,” “Okay,” my immediate family (that’s three) Pizza Hut, and OKC, nobody knew, seven messages and I made sure the Ranches down in Nevada didn’t know. I didn’t need anyone trying to make a buck off of me, but again DoorDash did, and I regret that because I didn’t want to get off my lazy butt for McDonald’s and I’m out fifteen dollars. “Indiana Gone” did pay me back a lot plus another fifty for “The Day” but all that’s going towards Project Alamo, seriously I’m still Alive, how and why, inquiring minds?

So is there a silver lining other than my beard in the bathroom lights, what about some light at the end of the road, and am I not on the Highway To Hell which is the only light that remains constant in this life? Who knows what I will find in the blaze that seeks to swallow me. In All The Stars which have existed much longer than I can ever remember. But, so you know, Well Will Wasn’t Lit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 067 ~Will A Bit Longer~

I tell you one day I’ll get over this, no not the “The Day” that haunts me as long as I live but getting over being afraid of Pinterest which I should perhaps add to my list of dirty words and not in a fun way. Will A Bit Longer.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Episode 067 ~Will A Bit Longer~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason, other than I haven’t found forever, hell I’m not sure I even want it, again at this stage in the game I only want to be Dennis Hof but still, I am a traditionalist, on the eve of thirty-four and I do want that “nuclear family.” A conversation better suited for the Future Wife but any wife of mine should know what it’s like to have her hands tied up and how I wish I could do the same to Time itself.

“Synchronize your watches.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“I don’t have a watch.”

“Time is a construct.” (TAG)

We never know how much time we got right Dirty Diana, and how often do they say live every moment, every breath, hell every word as your last, and we don’t, do we because we’re afraid of being labeled skeevy, perverts, sluts, whores, cum dumpsters *sigh* dirty talk. You can call a girl by her name and be labeled a stalker, a fuckboy, a creeper; focused, that’s my problem, I don’t hide in trash cans, work schedules, addresses, I’m more like, put her in my next book, keep my hands off of her but on pen and paper or my keyboard. I still believe I dug my own grave yesterday telling the truth, hell Alycia, Alicia, Alicia, or Alexa, Alexa, Alexa, one got me into trouble because she’s brunette, the other’s not black enough, another animated, one I wanted to know her name, I’m a fan of Amazon, and the WWE, my sweet buttery Jesus.

Maybe Rumpelstiltskin had the right idea hiding his name, 1984 with Newspeak, Fahrenheit 451 destroying books; women talk about periods, and it scares men to death, “Cherry” fashions herself a modern-day Lolita (she’s 21), Liv Morgan calls herself a juvenile delinquent (WWE), then there’s the whole DDLG/DDMG scene in BDSM. I do much worse Diana, what about the book Ravishment: The Dark Side of Erotic Fantasy by Desmond Ravenstone, a polite way of covering up a certain fantasy am I right; don’t speak it. Le Marquis de Sade didn’t give a fuck, and some call him “the freest spirit who ever existed,” but where did he spend most of his time… one more reason bondage is fascinating, and my cell is one of dotted i’s and crossed t’s just saying.

Sometimes I believe the time is never, to publish my books, to ask questions, to be with someone, as the song goes What’s My Age Again, don’t make me repeat it, so much time and yet to dream of such maddening Power so need I truly Will A Bit Longer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 062 ~A Willing Twenty-Four Hours~

I should adopt the attitude I once had when I was back in school. When somebody asked how was your day; you say “I don’t want to talk about it” and for once I’ve got nothing to say, but I’m waiting for “The Day.” A Willing Twenty-four Hours

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Episode 062 ~A Willing Twenty-Four Hours~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to think about this or that, have you noticed that the more you try to ignore a particular subject, the more it comes up, sort of like air, you don’t think about it, but I’m sure everybody has had a moment where they needed to catch it. If they didn’t, are they living or surviving, though for me it usually comes as a moment of anxiety, how I *sigh* plenty in my writing and I saw something pretty interesting on Instagram today.

Today, I’m more awake and not surprisingly lazier but “trying” not to think about things such as porn, takes plenty out of me but I haven’t taken any naps…am I coming out of my Depression maybe? Why Depression, well we’ll get to that but my little boy is a pain, and it’s hard to stay mad at him, I’m so used to having him around and then to send him away to time out, hurts me more than you, no my “father” found joy in my pain. Speaking of pain I’ve also gotten into buying more books, should I be thinking about how much I failed this week, including reading and I don’t have to, if I knuckle down and get to work right now…

Yeah, the story of my life which leads me to the huge thing I don’t want to think about that starts with the letter D, no not that, and yeah Depression but “The Day” is coming up soon, the worse day of my life. Tell me Lady Luna what could be worse than that, DEATH ha when you think of the odds of any one human being and no I am not a man of faith but neither am I a man of science or anything. Yes, I know words, and that’s what my life should be, hell what my life is; not that they have brought me any such thing as I look over my keywords for twenty-four hours.

One more failure as I didn’t hide ‘the Day” from people deep enough and now I have to look forward to disappointment, disgust, Dad and plenty more D words except the one that’s driving me crazy. Didn’t do me any favors in high school and I had so many names that Willie was only one more, and here I am, one more day down, closer to “The Day” and my Lady Lu how I have wasted A Willing Twenty-four Hours.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 060 ~Will Said Or Not~

Silence is golden, and unfortunately, I gave it all up to run errands and to talk about other people shutting up which is probably the least offensive thing that I will say today and if only I sounded less stupid. Will Said Or Not

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Episode 060 ~Will Said Or Not~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason not to tell someone to shut up, other than the fact that I like blowjobs, trust me on this, a girl said once if I made her pasta I would get one and while I declined *cue shock* I still wanted the option. I like screams, moans, cries and whimpers, my name on her lips or nasty endearments (Ravishment Fantasy?) with all the noise in this world I like my girls loud.

Then there are days like today when I want everything and everyone to shut up, and if she isn’t gagging on something of mine, then a scarf, any number of tools, hell her panties stuffed in her mouth can help. Maybe I should practice what I preach, especially if I’m not going to talk about my anxiety driving me crazy today but my mind is clear, unfortunately, along with another part of my anatomy, the stress too much but that’s a fucking excuse. So if I don’t want to give explanations, what about the other things we don’t say, I can go forever and a day about the things people think I say, the things I do and don’t, what I mean and what’s fantasy.

Maybe that’s why I have this gagging concept along with some exhibitionism… people but not yet entirely though I’m working up to that, more the idea of a girl being unable to say anything but being watched on camera. I’ve had a thing for photography and portraits lately and watching these girls, not professional models but with such perceptiveness, poise, purity, I’m between Great Teacher Onizuka and Brutal Castings. Of course, I can’t say that stuff out loud; I’m even hesitant to mention it here, though I sent in the money to save the blog but do I honestly want anyone to read it… like me, people will focus on the blowjobs and ignore everything else that I’ve said right?

Hell Dirty Diana I say it time and time again, if I can’t handle this simple stuff what will happen when I’m Christian Grey, Dennis Hof or a man in Hollywood, role models right, the president sleeps with porn stars and wants a space army, no wonder he wants everyone to shut up. I think I’m a great listener Dirty Diana, but today I’m not looking for answers, I’m not looking for advice, not even Poor Sweet Baby, I only want quiet and release and here I am regretting having it, Will Said Or Not.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 365 ~The Reason Is You~

365 days one whole year, over 120,000 words, enough for a novel, two with “NaNoWriMo” and what was it all for, there is no excuse, and the reason other than I was mad at some girl sounds stupid and petty… a new year. The Reason Is You.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Lesson 365 ~The Reason Is You~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason; it’s repeated time after time why you began talking to Lady Luna, talking to all the other ladies, and talking to yourself, just not out loud anymore; right? Crazy, obsession is as much a reason as any brunette or wanting to make a million excuses, how about feeling better, a year of life in these words there is no excuse there are only reasons.

The first cannot be denied, feeling shame and guilt for all that was done and preparing for what you knew was to come and when it did, as they say, those who don’t learn from history; there are reasons you don’t edit your work and a purpose not looking back. It’s sort like that movie “50 First Dates” only most of my days are best forgotten, you see most of these days are only prattle or repeated lessons, but no stupid bitch, no amount of anger, confusion, doubt, fear whatever has stopped you. Dare I say you’re a better man despite the failures or should I sound like one of those motivational speeches, there is no failure, but then again you have six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 113** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
Completed
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation
Completed

If there is anything to learn honestly, it’s to take care of your son, he’s a big reason for all of this, Level 13 and he should have the biggest yard in the world, better food, more time, a father, a daddy. Let writing be the reason to live, but there are no excuses as to why you’re not on bookshelves, who does that, having so many books written and nobody to read them, at least they must be given that opportunity if anything. The biggest reason, of course, is you, Only You, and maybe you want someone to see you, or you only want to look at yourself in the mirror, if you were able to accomplish impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least (Total 15, 400)

I genuinely wish I could write something profound and inspirational, give you something more than “Good Night, Good Luck” or anything for the new year, yes it’s July and other than not comparing a woman to a Brazzers or Reality Kings model what else do I have for you? Even if it was anger, hate, fear, or shame, overwhelming sadness you write, because that is your gift or your curse, but you do because what was your life without it, another question you shouldn’t answer because The Reason Is You.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

I’m not happy that’s no secret but something people don’t like hearing about, amongst other things which explains why I don’t talk, well anywhere; places I can go, women I am into, but am I happy, my dog might not be. Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, to be honest love has not been the theme of this last week, and I only hope you can do better, mostly because of the dog, he needs you, and I need you to… what shake it off, let it go, try it again? Yesterday I was blessed, and tomorrow you will still be blessed but isn’t it ironic to have so much and to want more and you know exactly how to get it, or you have the faith which only adds to such confusion and fear.

Your fears should be tomorrow’s problem but when you were walking the dog this morning, you felt alive, not happy, it’s been so long since you’ve known that, not even satisfied, only you were “living” and with the concept that you could die at any moment. Spiders, snakes, people, hell I feel you, I had my hands on my knife when the AT&T guy showed up so if anything I didn’t want to die and while suicide is always on the table it’s under a stack of books, a pile of candy and the dog’s outside/inside routine. At first, I thought maybe we wanted to bury the fear from the “Al Bundy Shift” but since that’s finally canceled… why all the options and the list, of course, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 99** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 106** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of Psychopath’s Prey by V.F. Mason
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Prophet” By Celia Aaron
Completed
6. I Will “Edit” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Completed

You Always Hurt The One You Love,” this is the second week, and even now the little boy is annoying you, another reason you’re a writer because you want to remember and not hurt him with some hasty word you can’t recall. Much like a pretty girl, I never forget a beautiful face “As Pink As Lily,” “Ariella Ferrera” (Ariella’s Areolas), “Lucy Blew,” “Alyssa Branch,” “Belle Noire” (Nasty Noir), “Cassandra Sarbeck” (Lady’s Night Blow Out) how many of these are mine and how many are yours? Too many damn options, it’s like you’re being torn apart at the seams trying to fill the void of however you were before, again why you’re a writer, listing memories and Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation

So the question is how do you cure your discombobulation, you need focus and discipline obviously on your craft, but you keep looking at the destination instead of the journey, captured by the past and shuffling towards the future. Happiness is nowhere for the moment, only desire, want, need; you’re sacrificing the wrong thing when it comes to your dog, no you must find something else to lose because I ask Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated?

I Will Have No Fear