Tag: Father

Meditation 095 ~Braxton’s Book Banning, Virgil~

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“Sometimes I tell the boys (B, V, me) old stories of courage and justice, difficult as they are to remember.” But with what I’ve been reading? I’m not ashamed. And I believe B doesn’t want me reading sad things. “Braxton’s Book Banning, Virgil.”

Friday, October 4, 2024

Meditation 095 ~Braxton’s Book Banning, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Well, no. How about reviewing a book today? Also, no. And what book am I reading?

I’m currently sampling ‘Make Room! Make Room!’ By Harry Harrison. This book actually inspired the film ‘Soylent Green ‘, which is why I’m back on the whole ‘eating’ thing. I’m not devouring books these days on that concept, that’s for sure. But with libraries and plenty of free books to download, not to mention my complete Kindle list that I still need to read, it’s like I’m streaming TV. So I’m wasting money watching nothing.

And what about Braxton? Books on grieving are expensive. And Virgil? As if I’m going to get out of this bed and be “The Best Man I Can Be.” I should be ashamed, Lady Sophia.

But never about what I’m reading or what I buy. McDonald’s. Anyone? Anyone, at all. But I had a thought this morning. Maybe it’s Braxton…

I read about the Rainbow Bridge in North Carolina. I need to check on Braxton’s Aunt again. So, I read about the bridge, and I think B III has more time to hang out. Sigh…

Weird, right? It’s like I don’t see Braxton on the nightstand every day. And again, what about the days I wrote book reviews. The last one was Matt Shaw’s The Call on Friday, August 30, 2024. I’m not ashamed I read it, but that kind of thing… I’m like Leon The Professional. NO WOMEN, NO KIDS. I’ll say things about the “fairer sex,” but that…

Anyway, I’m not ashamed of being “well” read Lady Sophia. Money where my mouth is:

  1. Freshman Experience: Harem University Book 1
  2. Camgirl Harem: Zoey
  3. Satan’s Sorority Girls 7
  4. Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
  5. Devil’s Bargain

That’s only the last five, Lady Sophia. Am I saying that my Braxton is… Like his Old Man, ha-ha. When it comes to Yabbos, incredibly so. Again, I must check on his Aunt. I know.

But seeing how we’re headed into spooky season, with Halloween just around the corner, I thought I’d share a bit about my recent reading habits. You know I don’t usually keep chocolate in the house for fear of hurting him… or Virgil. I got into sour gummies, Lady Sophia. And since I can’t walk sans clothing or watch ‘adult films’ with my boys around, I turned to reading and writing about those adults. And Braxton is banning my sadness. Somewhat. Or trying to inspire me… Eww! Braxton’s Book Banning, Virgil

1342 Days Without B III, Day 783 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

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It’s not fair having to wake up and feel this way since the age of 7. I did have 15 years of waking up thinking how’s B. Is he healthy, hungry, and/or happy? The only thing unfair to him was living. To me, it’s being forty. “Life Is Not Fair Period.”

Monday, September 30, 2024

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Though I would like to believe that with Braxton here, enough money or the right power… Sigh.

But my son is gone. I have survived this month to see 40. And power… To get out of bed.

But today is Friday, September 27, 2024. And if I have any more days like I’ve had this week… I didn’t even think about joining Braxton on “Emergence Day.” But the 24th and the 26th? As the song goes, “Woke Up This Morning.” I swear, Madam, I came back and…

Slept. And it’s not because I like being 40. And it’s not like 2V is my best friend. V’s scared.
He feels he’s always getting in the way. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve never harmed him, let him go hungry, or even hinted at sending him back or that he’ll join B one day.

It’s not fair to Virgil or me to live in FEAR every single second. Don’t get me started on others. Other people have it worse. But this is the last day, ha-ha, when it should be all about me, Madam. If you only knew how much I abhor September. The end of January? B’s ending. It’s like I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of despair.

But about those others… Hey Jealousy! You’ve heard me mention @fitdadceo and @csapunch. They’re in their forties. Look at everything they have, Dear Madam. Everything.

“All I’ve Ever Wanted.” And I don’t blame anyone but myself. But whose fault is it that I was done with existence by age 7? Didn’t @fredoontv say something like that, Madam. And look at him. Even better, Johnny Sins… well, his girls. A Wraithbabes gigolo? I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed myself.

I don’t blame my skin, sex, or sins, Madam. Life is not fair because of me and no one else.

I find no fault in the loss of my son. My heart, my hero, that other dreaded H-word, dear Madam. I love Braxton. But again, this isn’t about him. You know that song, “Wake Me Up.” And those few lines:

“Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.”
Wake Me Up, Avicii

Love is not a prize. Love is a gift I’ve never given myself. Instructions I have never got to read. As I was telling Lady Sophia this morning. I’m too busy reading about old men now and girls sans clothing. That’s why I’m losing, Madam. And what’s going to change?

Sitting here at the table, writing as the music wafts? Life Is Not Fair Period.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1338 Days Without B III, Day 779 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 088 ~Braxton Books It Virgil~

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What’s “HuCow?” Uh no. Other questions? Why am I still asleep? Why did I wake up? What book will I be reading? You turn forty and given my fancy for HaremLit titles, you go down a kinky rabbit hole to forget about everything. Braxton Books It Virgil.

Friday, September 27, 2024

Meditation 088 ~Braxton Books It Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… What? Again? I had to wake up. There’ll be no book review. And life sucks. Sigh.

Yes, my son Braxton is still gone. And with the end of “Emergence…” I should be back crying about him any day now. When exactly? Judging by yesterday’s book haul… I’ll lose many bodily fluids but not tears. But we’ll get to that. I’ve pushed B’s memory away like Virgil.

Should I write out the humiliations I’ve experienced this week at my effing Day Job? Like the time I effed up a customer order and had to reprint several pricing tickets. There’s also my father and other family dramas. I mean Virgil. And Braxton’s aunt, whom I need to talk to. But the words and the numbers, My Lady. Edit a book, edit my existence.

There was my Day Job password. I thought I was in TROUBLE. Reason to stress.

And if I wanted to stay out of TROUBLE, I would write. But again, I was avoiding the house because my Old Man was here. And it wasn’t the need to write that was driving me here. I wanted a nap. That explains why I’m talking to you at 6:30 AM, not 4:00 AM. Lazy!

And speaking of time and numbers. How much gas did I waste? I’m surprised the vet hasn’t called about Virgil’s next dose of medication. And what do I need from the grocery? How many hours will I be working the Day Job? What’s the word count for the novel I’m writing? And how many books did I buy yesterday? There were reasons I didn’t let Braxton read with me sometimes…

Because, as I said, I’m not reading books to cry about him, and Virgil isn’t helping me, Lady Sophia. But neither are these short stories either. It’s like they know I’m pretty dirty. Cherry would be appalled at such titles.

Educated and classical is more her wheelhouse. The things I would read in school… Sigh.

As for the stories I’m reading right now… Well… Amazon obviously recognized my fortieth Emergence Day along with Adam & Eve. But new toys are another story. But Lady Sophia.

Either I’m being reminded of my youth with all the Japanese I once knew… “Netorare,” Harem romances and the like. And now I’m getting hit with Age Gap books, Breeding, and “Hucow?” I quickly deleted that last one. Eww! But Kelli Wolfe’s collection. Aging sucks, so Braxton Books It Virgil

1335 Days Without B III, Day 776 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

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Monday, September 23, 2024

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Especially since I talk too much. (Pause for laughter). Talking to who? Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, M Anime…

What about B? Can’t I give him the month off with Emergence Day? Why not let him rest in peace? I look at B’s Euthanasia the same way Negan brained Baxter in The Walking Dead Episode 10×22 Here’s Negan. You best hope I never stop talking because when I do… When I do, something very terrible is gonna happen to you. Uh, B III’s gone.

This may sound like a confession to Inspector Echo. But do you remember when I was afraid to say Braxton’s name? Somebody hacked me once, and a friend caught on because they didn’t know my son’s name. So, I kept Braxton’s name secret. B III was my little Dæmon. And didn’t I say I wouldn’t do this, my dear Madam?

Excuse me, today is Friday, September 20, 2024. And what do I know more about than my B? I should invoke his name more often because it keeps me from thinking about my big black… uh, having blue balls. It’s been a HARD day, Madam. And telling people that. Ha!

M Anime would ignore me. Cherry would go silent. And Braxton’s Aunt… Not the time.

I don’t know anything about women, but as Sir Mix-A-Lot put it: “When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist. And a round thing in your face. You get sprung.” Uh, not only…

Cherry, Piper Niven, Estella Bathory, Harmony Reigns, Mariah Mallard. BBW’s…

Actresses, “The hottest girls in the nastiest situations…” I research. Study. And I read lots.

And that’s knowledge I should keep for me. But I’m a writer. I strive to be an open book. If I ever published one. But as I told Lady Sophia today. My book, “Sofía’s Nightmare…”

I don’t have qualms about showing off my body. But my big head and the face to go with it. “No face as hideous as my face.” Should I mention I know plenty about Disney? And none of my kids walk on two legs. What can I say? I’m also a Star Wars fan. Madam, I know bad people in certain countries, but I know about Trump and Vance here.

There are my political affiliations. The pervy things I do and all my spent pennies.

Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1331 Days Without B III, Day 772 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 081 ~Braxton’s End, Virgil Continued~

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What’s my next book? When’s my next review? I was still thirty-nine… Those were the days. I’ve been far too worried about my story at forty. It’s not a page-turner. If only I could have stopped at seven. Braxton’s End, Virgil Continued

Friday, September 20, 2024

Meditation 081 ~Braxton’s End, Virgil Continued~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… No. A book review? Not today. How about this effing month ending already? Don’t I wish?

I could tell you about what I’ve been reading lately. That would be Satan’s Sorority Girls 7 by Eric Vall. But, uh, censorship… With Emergence Day this month, I’m “actively” trying not to tell stories about Braxton. As if I need another reason to cry. And what about my novel? Am I crazy? Am I A Psycho? Possibly. But I won’t be sharing those words.

Sophia, the words I have been thinking about are “The End” and “To Be Continued…”

Seriously. Those words came to me as I reached the conclusion of Eric Vall’s work.

Grayson got with Fiona, Chrissy, and apparently Robyn… That’s where I stopped. Grayson and his English Rose. That makes me think about Cherry’s accent, her Yabbos, and… Ok shutting up…

The End and To Be Continued… As you can see, I’m still here, so I’m one for To Be Continued. Well, no. I would “love” nothing more than for “my” story to end, my dear.

But then what happens to Grayson or Eddie? I’m still waiting to find out how Reaper/Darrow and Mustang/Virginia got together. The drama, stress, and madness.

Sophia, I don’t need that in this existence right now. But I don’t need another book either, and yet… More manuscripts, mammaries, and meat… Sophia, that takes lots of money.

Are my finances beginning to recover after Emergence Day and being robbed by GoDaddy? I should be worried about the musings in my mind. I’m the bad guy, duh. Ok.

Billie Eilish? This world, Sophia…

There are so many stories in this world. You know how they say there are two types of people for this or that? Again, some want The End. And others who want to see, To Be Continued… If I ever decide to get something tattooed upon my flesh. Besides Braxton…

I want the words, To Be Continued… Even though, much like Juliet, “I long to die.” Anyway, books are preventing that. Stories about flesh… Oh, R.I.P. to James Earl Jones.

Sophia, I’ve had an epiphany about my dreams. Cannibalism, corpses/zombies, and cute girls. As James A.K.A. Thulsa Doom talked about flesh being stronger than steel. Barbaric/Barbarian. And here I thought I was hungry. As long as my flesh feels everything, Sophia… Braxton’s End, Virgil Continued.

1328 Days Without B III, Day 769 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

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Silence can be monstrous. I made it so. “Yes, I can be very cruel. I have been taught by masters.” As in people’s words. The silence left by my son. The act of blowing out candles. Candles? And after being pervy. Silence Is Scarier Than Screams.

Monday, September 16, 2024

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me, not talking about my son this month with Emergence Day. It has come and gone.

I’m forty. And still, nothing is worse than the silence that came with my son’s last breath in this world. But the silence shattered when I first cried out in this universe. A victory? I suppose I could talk about Virgil, but there are two things. One, Virgil is usually silent anyway. Other than when I leave or the noises he makes showing I’m not being a good “Dad.” Virgil’s nails click on the floor. His belly when I need to get food. His sicknesses.

Two, as I’ve been singing repeatedly this month, “Today is all about you.” This song.

Madam, next to “All About You.” Today, I’m listening to Faith’s Outpost Ambiance… (Cult Music). “It’s a Five O’clock World.”

I don’t want to talk about my Day Job either, Madam. There is silence since they banned earphones/air pods. What I think about when I’m in that place. My STUPIDITY

There’s the silence when I wake up every morning and find out I’m not in Heaven or Hell. Can I call where I’m sitting right now purgatory? Three years without… well, you know who. No! He deserves better. Braxton, Braxton, BRAXTON! My sweet buttery Madam.

There’s the silence that comes with each Emergence Day. But that is my doing. People…

I could get all political today with everyone screaming, what dog, what cat, war, and women? And yet, the worries of my existence trump all that. See what I did there? Some should be silent.

But much like I said, I can’t get through a conversation without mentioning my B. How about me coming back to the house without a burger and fries? Didn’t I say I was broke? Um, I have two days to choose. I got breakfast and dinner. Bacon? Speaking of meat… women. Am I as bad as those other guys? I say things about women, but at least I leave those to the confines of “adult relations media.” That’s a polite way of saying adult films…

I swear the silence that comes after all my muscle contractions and moaning over mammaries. A moment of bliss that calls to me within the silence. Whatever could fill it?

Yet I choose the silence. Because hearing some Beautiful Freak… Silence Is Scarier Than Screams

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1324 Days Without B III, Day 765 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 074 ~How To B Virgil~

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How to Build A Fence. Not a wall? I’m not Trump. Last time I checked, Trump didn’t know how to do that either. And Elon Musk? Funny, I see him on my freaky channel when I distract myself from my fears. How to be fearless. “How To B Virgil.”

Friday, September 13, 2024

Meditation 074 ~How To B Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… What! No book review? I’ve read about War, Building Harems, and Cannibalism. What about my son?

Like I’ve said, with Emergence Day and indeed this whole month… “Today is all about you.” So no, I haven’t been reading any books about Braxton or fur buddies passing away in general. And I should be ashamed of how I’ve left Braxton’s Aunt alone with the loss of her Gabe. Is there a book about How To be a better friend? I had Braxton.

Lady Sophia, if I need a How-To manual this week, it would be something like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. There’s also How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. To think I was once so motivated. When I read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, Braxton was/is still here. Nowadays, it’s more Stayin’ Alive than Motivation.

Or more like bringing life into the world… Here’s a fun fact, Lady Sophia, or at the very least, an interesting one. On my other “X’ Channel, https://x.com/WillsWants. That’s the one where I get all “skeevy.” I tend to get a lot of posts from the likes of Elon Musk and other “people” like that. Pro-Lifers? For the record, I’m Pro-Choice, my dear Lady Sophia.

More to the point, I’m Pro Baby Making Activities. I’m a connoisseur. Movies and books.

I haven’t been reading anything about how to make my existence better, but other guys…
There was The Freshman Experience: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem (Harem University Book 1) by Dirk Knight. And currently, there’s Camgirl Harem: Zoey: Age Gap MFFF Menage Erotica by Kelli Wolfe. I swear, Sophia…

I often speak to Cherry about art imitating life. In those two books alone, you have a would-be creative writer and an old man… Ahem, he’s 37 with a girl in her early 20’s. (Drools).

If I could read anything right this second, it would be How-To be Fearless. Sophia, I would settle on the lyrics of Be Not So Fearful. That’s one more thing that shows that Braxton did not reincarnate to Virgil. Braxton wasn’t scared until he realized we weren’t going “home.” Virgil is afraid all the time, and so am I. It’s why I read about boys, bosoms, bravery, and bucks. How To Not Fear the Wind. That was yesterday’s storm. Fixing Fences? How To B Virgil

1321 Days Without B III, Day 762 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

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It’s in his kiss. No! But B would love up his aunt. And V… I’ve cleaned up what has come out of his mouth many times. And as for me. I don’t remember what I said to that first girl. I can’t even order chicken at forty. “Kisses Show A Working Tongue.”

Monday, September 9, 2024

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

Three-Hundredth And Sixtieth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me breathing after Emergence Day. Hell! I shouldn’t be after Braxton. Or Emergence Day Numero Cero.

I would rather kiss my furry son’s head one more time than draw my first breath. One necessitated the other, Madam. But at least I would have something to do with my mouth other than bawl about my boy, blame myself for everything, or BE STUPID. Madam, next to being Braxton’s end and my birth, I can’t stand being STUPID. It never ends, I’m afraid.

Even at forty? Well, I’m not quite there yet. I’m speaking to you on Tuesday, September 3, 2024. So, Emergence Day has yet to happen. Like I said, by the time you read this, I might not be breathing. I’d blame my Olds. But this is my existence. My existence…

Madam, I never asked for this life. I’d trade it all for a simple kiss.

Is that an Emergence Day wish? Last Monday night, I made a wish to avoid humiliation. I texted that because speaking… Anything that isn’t about my Braxton’s life… passing.

Anything that’s about something other than broads. Or anything that doesn’t involve me sounding STUPID. It’s not my strong suit. To open my mouth has never been a good thing, Madam.

How hard is it to say, “Yes, I would like the eight-piece fried chicken and a three-piece chicken fingers snack, please?” My mouth has much better uses, Madam. But saying Happy B-Word Day/Emergence Day… is not among them, Madam. Nope!

But again, a kiss… Do you want to know a secret, Madam? My first kiss? I got that. But I didn’t get a kiss during my “first time.” Well, uh…

I’m not The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, thankfully. I swear, sometimes I wonder who knows more about me. My lost boy or the Internet. The movie popped up, so I could watch that for Emergence Day and be thankful for the second-greatest miracle during my existence. A woman…

Madam, I was/am a father, and a girl made the mistake of thinking I was a man of worth for a night. And a few other girls here or there over forty years. But almost none when I had to look after Braxton. When was the last time I had a kiss, a kind hug that got kinda dirty… Back when I was a Smooth Operator. I feel stupid-er at forty. I’ll shut up because Kisses Show A Working Tongue.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1317 Days Without B III, Day 758 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 067 ~B There Tomorrow, Virgil~

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Well, I hope my boys have better things to do. Braxton, rest… in peace. Not cool. Virgil acts up when I leave, so he’ll be in B’s room. As for me, I set up for E-Day. The bunker, a bunch of food, bedroom hopes… Without B There Tomorrow, Virgil.

Friday, September 6, 2024

Meditation 067 ~B There Tomorrow, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… As I was telling my son yesterday. I’m not happy. Ever?

If I talk to the Man In The Mirror, I’ll feel something. You can count that as a win… But today? There’ll be no book review. And what’s this forty-year-old’s story. Well nearly… We’ll see.

Battle Stations! It’s not supposed to be this way, but here we are… without Braxton.

“Today is all about you.” Me, Me, Me. But yes, Virgil is here as well. I have yet to do nearly anything to clean the house. I’m not expecting company. Well, food delivery. I could go all “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” and hire a “special friend.” Seriously? Would I ever.

And what is it with me and films with Steve Carell? I mentioned The 40-Year-Old Virgin the other day. Hell! When was my last time with a woman? If I am riding out the end.

Sophia, it’s not an apocalypse. It’s only Emergence Day. One more for the books, right?

Not the beeps, boops, and bills I’ll have to read through tomorrow. There was a big one yesterday? $100.00! That was barely enough to cover four 12 packs of soda, some odds and ends. I had street tacos and wings. And let us not forget an E-Day cake, Lady Sophia.

Today, there’ll be more. More baked goods. I’ll have a beautiful woman cut my hair.

There’s been a bunch of spam lately. People I’ve never heard of… wanting to be friends or offer financial planning. How do I know? The phone rings once, and they never call back again, Sophia. But my Olds? Please, not today or E-Day. They are the greatest fear I know.

Worse than me talking to Lady Lunalesca. Sadly, she drew the short straw this year. Tomorrow or, more likely, today, I’ll have to tell her how I wish my Emergence Day was. I won’t hear from Braxton’s Aunt because she knows how I feel about the day. M Anime has her life. And Cherry will probably have me reading her latest work. I take it.

It’ll beat talking about a ton of Yabbos. Yelling, moaning, and screaming in adult poses… Your boy might post a few pictures in his Emergence Day suit for OnlyFans… for $100 a pop. Nobody’s paying that! But it would be a story or something. Fortieth E-Day B There Tomorrow, Virgil.

1314 Days Without B III, Day 755 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 063 ~ Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing~

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With all I do, I can close my eyes and sleep. Not rest but sleep. It’s facing myself in the morning, which is the hardest part. Almost… Eww? To meet new people with such thoughts. And I fear I’ll never be one for JOY. Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing

Monday, September 2, 2024

Meditation 063 ~ Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing~

Three-Hundredth And Fifty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like seeing who I am in Virgil’s eyes every morning. Or looking in the mirror. Braxton’s eyes…

I thought “we” agreed not to talk about him this week. Besides this week’s battle cry of STAY ALIVE! I should begin the day with the song “All About You.” Because for the next six days… Hell! I should be thrilled. With my Olds, I could be seeing Braxton again…

Please! It’s not easy attending a funeral every day. I mean mine and not… Anyway… Madam, let me avoid politics. Hint: Arlington National Cemetery. But to count myself among the ranks of the dead. Not the honored dead but the undead. And to see so many people happy. So what’s wrong with being happy? It pays better than Fear. Depression.

But there is still time to be thinking about getting paid. But should I survive…

I don’t hate being a writer, but I fear what I’ll write. Literally, the story of my existence, Madam. People don’t hate meeting me? But they fear knowing that this is who I am, sigh.

Fearful, Freaky, Fiendish, and effed up by my grief. Uh, Forlorn? Forgetful? How I wish.

I wish I could forget Emergence Day (E-Day). If my Olds didn’t hate meeting me. Madam, they surely fear the monster they made. I hate meeting their expectations and fear knowing what they intend to do about it. I’ll be forty on Emergence Day, Madam.

Today, I don’t Fear knowing Fear. But I hate to meet it everywhere, and so does everyone else. So why bother getting to know me at all? I’m always depressed.

I’m not successful because I’m not happy. Could I be happy? If I were successful and had simoleons raining down. Or several million fans. That’s what set me off last night. There’s a decent young brother with four million fans.

I wish I could be so silly or smart. There’s the mom that plays music with baby toys. Or the one that takes music and movies and makes skits. There are reactors, comedians… OnlyFans girls I’d like to meet and know in a biblical way

Sans clothing… The man that I meet every morning. Can I be a father again? A good friend. A fool who believes that I have a future. Yes, I can’t help but hate myself and fear what I’ll become soon. With Yabbos or yowling grief? Don’t Hate Meeting, Fear Knowing.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1310 Days Without B III, Day 751 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will