Tag: Exist

Meditation 126 ~The Will To Vote B~

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Who will the president be Tuesday… Uh, a few weeks from now. Kamala Harris. But who will I become this Monday before the Election? And every Monday after. A lawgiver. My son’s voice. Someone better. A dirty old man. The Will To Vote B.

Monday, November 4, 2024

Meditation 126 ~The Will To Vote B~

Lame Duck Session Madam

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Goodbyes must be spoken. Elections held. And Sloth paid for. But here’s an easy decision. Kamala Harris.

Madam Justice:
Now, you are a much harder decision. I haven’t even decided on your Form. Final Form, right? We have gone through all the rules and then some. But knowing how I break laws… Yet, I believe in Dale Carnegie’s words in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.”

“Order Is Heaven’s First Law”

Why should I mess up the universe I have created here with you? Plus, I’m lazy. And while this isn’t Heaven. I can spell out why I’m going to Hell. Because of Braxton, I know. But wait, there’s more, Madam.

Braxton:
My son says there is. Braxton would speak for me sometimes. And I for him. If I ever needed someone in my corner, the time is now. Only I would never do my little boy justice. I have yet to publish the book he and I wrote together. And letting a woman down is one thing. Not Kamala! Again, I’m voting for her. She needs to win. Braxton Barks?

Madam, it would be kismet. Braxton passed on a Sunday. So, to hear from his “spirit” on a Monday, considering…

The Substance:
Sunday, I’m ALWAYS so down on myself. I’m effing up my marriage to Dear Future Wife on Tuesdays. And while I know Braxton would be encouraging, there’s myself.

Madam, I’ve come to realize that I need to learn to be more positive and show more gratitude. Do you remember when I could watch the WWE? I thought Saturday, I can’t stand a whiny Superstar. And that’s all I do. Rant, rave, and complain. I was lying in bed, knowing I’d wasted forty years.

“This is simply a better version of yourself…” I wish.

Dirty Diana:
Now, she accepted me for who I am. And maybe I would be a lot more subdued if I wasn’t bothering all the others with my… longings… But I left her to talk to my son. And wouldn’t I be abandoning you because I want to be dirty? I’ll take an intelligent woman over one who is only beautiful. Uh, don’t I know women who are both? Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry. Still, it’s like something out of “Camp Hell” that “Demon Repression.”

Talk about “Sick Fux,” hmm.

But a voter. Kamala’s an easy choice. But being me… The Will To Vote B

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1373 Days Without B III, Day 814 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 119 ~It’s Purge Night, Willie B~

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This isn’t a rule or goodbye. It almost reminds me of when my son died… almost. I didn’t command him to stay. And I told him it was ok. The game of life. What are the rules? To love. But after Braxton passed… My Existence… It’s Purge Night, Willie B.

Monday, October 28, 2024

Meditation 119 ~It’s Purge Night, Willie B~

There Are No Rules

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… And when there are no rules? I’ve worked through 365 or so. This is our last conversation?

We’ll get to that, Madam. Or I don’t want to… But I have a question. If you had one superpower, what would it be? Is it safe to deal with hypotheticals? Yeah, right, Madam J.

My favorite type of magic is Necromancy. But off the top of my head, I want to bring back my best friend, my son Braxton. If there are no rules, why not, Madam? Pretty macabre…

Okay, if I got to be me, why not X-ray vision? Women, sans clothing… It always comes back to that. And while I have yet to meet Jesus, I know plenty of AI programmers. But…

I’m no Smooth Criminal, so what about time travel? I’d take away Braxton’s old age. Make sure I wasn’t born…

How does it feel to write that down and say it out loud? I’ve never been one for “Ending” letters. My existence isn’t worth that much. The most I could ask is to erase my browser history and delete and/or burn all I’ve ever written, Madam Justice. The God-honest truth.

That’s why I won’t say what I’d do if there were a real Purge. Leave it to Trump, and it could happen. My RAGE at existing… Would know no bounds.

Honestly, the only “life” I have ever succeeded in taking is that of my Braxton. Euthanasia? What about other crimes?

You mean those of the Marquis de Sade, variety. Give me one word… AHEM, Sadism. Madam, I would need more than 12 hours. And I could even go all The Forever Purge with it. But we have one more word we must discuss as time grows short. This final hour.

Goodbye? I’m always learning something new every week. So why must this be the end?

I don’t think I even gave Dirty Diana that courtesy after Braxton passed. I needed to talk to my son. And she was the most expendable. Am I saying you are? It would be nice to have someone to talk to so every conversation doesn’t sound like effing wet dreams.

However, why talk at all? I could see if B would speak somehow, someway, someday.

If this is goodbye, Madam Justice, Let It B. Let It Go? Anything could happen. There Are No Rules. Goodbye. It’s Purge Night, Willie B

May God Be With You All. (Purge Siren Begins Blaring)

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1366 Days Without B III, Day 807 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 118 ~Virgil’s Conceptualizations Of Braxton~

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How does 2-V feel about being four? A little bit better than I do about being forty. Both of us have concepts of what being should mean. I should have Braxton. V should have some nuclear family unit. Instead… Virgil’s Conceptualizations Of Braxton.

Sunday, October 27, 2024

Meditation 118 ~Virgil’s Conceptualizations Of Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Huh? So you don’t have to go with The Substance next month. You’re not a smart man.

But you could be one for Halloween. That’s what we do here. I will TRY to give you the ADVICE to change what you see every week. More like how not to hate yourself. But the man that your Dear Future Wife sees? How you say, “Just Me, Baby B,” like he wants to hear from the “man” who put him in a box three years ago. His Dad? Hearing from yours terrifies you. (Shudders).

However, it’s the “Time of the Season.” And what will you do besides reading “Stay the Night: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem (Harem University Book 2)” Again, you’re not so bright. You first bought “Pawprints from Heaven.” But that’s not out until Halloween. Pet Loss? Scary! Meanwhile, you’ll be here failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 14: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you were going to have new ones, how about not wasting money because you didn’t read the fine print. Another would be to keep your DARN word when posting book reviews, bad critiques, and even pictures of your blue balls. Been to OnlyFans lately? And for what? That’s another thing. You could make more bucks if you could stay awake. If you stayed out of bed most of the day. How about buying books where women keep their clothes on? “Sans clothing,” do you remember that? Some books teach dogs to run along the ground rather than be buried beneath it. Well, that was quite the monologue. You think…

More like a rant… And you’re not hopped up on candy. But Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Stay the Night: A Slice of Life by Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Simple things. There’s watching a movie. Last night, it was 2007’s REC. But you like 2008’s Quarantine better. Once again, people would not call you an effing genius. This week.

And that is the question. What are you going to do this week? Conceptualizing existence?

Would you stop using that word? Cherry is the naughty English teacher/librarian. Her Yabbos? Jennifer Carpenter’s or Manuela Velasco’s? And that right there’s the concept.

Your son Braxton is the best man you’ve ever known, but he was simply an extension of yourself. His father’s son. Living and existing are synonyms, but one’s better… Maybe?

The Day Job vs Work. But neither is your raison d’etre. Something to think about this week. Your plans? Humiliations Galore. Virgil’s Conceptualizations Of Braxton.

1365 Days Without B III, Day 806 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 112 ~Rules, Bendable, Breakable, Just Behave~

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Aren’t dogs supposed to know the rules in 90 days? I don’t know how to “live.” I’ve been here 40 years. And how old is V? His birthday was Sunday. Yet he’s no prince. I’m no king. But our kingdom, our order… “Rules, Bendable, Breakable, Just Behave.”

Monday, October 21, 2024

Meditation 112 ~Rules, Bendable, Breakable, Just Behave~

What Rule Is This?

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Or discovered. Sigh… I went over this in Meditation 105 ~Learn Something New Every Day~ I swear.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

I’m not even that much of a fan of Harry Potter. But, Emma Watson, AKA Hermione Granger’s face, legs, and yabbos… (Homer Drool) One more reason, I’m in trouble with all of “my rules.” Hmm.

What? That I can’t behave? When someone asks me, “Why can’t you just be normal?” Dear Madam? Why can’t I be a “Law Abiding Citizen,” Madam? “Why can’t you just be nice,” you ask? And how many movies am I going to quote today? Wednesday, October 16, 2024. And here’s another question. How many more rules will I… discover? Create?

Well, I’ll tell you, as of right this second, there will be a rule for The Purge. What about B?

Don’t hurt my son Braxton. Too Little Too Late, Madam.

And what about Virgil? He’s my boy too. But Dennis Hof had Domino Hof. Braxton and I were like that. Hell! I gave my son “The Talk” since he was all into his Aunt’s Yabbos. And that is why I can’t behave. Though Le Marquis De Sade articulates it better:

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

I’ve said that everything I desire is either inane, insane, impossible, or, at worst, illegal. Yet, I have a code by which I live. These rules? If I had the money, I would be the one, Madam, writing the rules. Again, here we are. But could you say that I follow the rules? I behave.

As Tony Montana said, “The only thing in this world that gives orders… is balls. Guts, green, and pretty girls.

I can’t even tell myself what to do, ok? Oh yes. A little boy living off my father’s cash, Madam.

But do you know why I want to behave? Because I want to be Daddy again someday. I may not have poured the Bisquick, but Braxton was/is my pancake. My son. I stayed out of jail. Like his Aunt, I practice “JSS” just survive somehow. And I toned down jettisoning any “white stuff” on some random girl. No, B III deserves a stepmom, dear Madam.

And while I don’t look a thing like Jesus, I need to talk like a gentleman. I need to build a Heaven before I invite someone to Hell. Phony, Manly, who knows. Just Be Me. Rules, Bendable, Breakable, Just Behave

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1359 Days Without B III, Day 800 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 111 ~Braxton And Virgil, Positive~

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Happy Birthday Vigil. Level 4. 799 Days spent with me. May God have mercy on your soul… Anyway. Are there no presents? A freshly cut lawn and two full bowls of food and water. I ate the last of the Emergence Day cake. But Braxton And Virgil, Positive

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Meditation 111 ~Braxton And Virgil, Positive~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before you forget, it’s not just any day. It’s Virgil’s birthday. A day that holds so much meaning and joy. (Laughs). So, can you try to be positive for his sake?

And to think you were sitting here wondering how to be positive for your own. Well, that ended as soon as you committed to getting up. And you’re still late getting started for today. And you have tears in your eyes. “Bright Light, Bright Light!” Who are you… Gizmo? Sigh. It could be from a lack of sleep or my actions last night. Mamimi Samejima…

There were “headlights” until 11:00 PM. And what time did you wake up this morning?

The very fact that you had to wake up at all is a cause for tears. Every week, I swear.

Braxton, though… Not one tear for him? Again, isn’t this Virgil’s day. Be proud, papa. Virgil’s made it to Level Four. Your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Everything Dies: Season One
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

One? Yeah, you’re still at one. But you have to keep reminding yourself about the one son you have left. 799 Days… That’s about two years and two months. When did Braxton become your son? It was the day the Olds got the new house, and you said, “Braxton, get in the car.” He’s been your Cerberus ever since. But even before then, you had a very positive vibe about him. Hell, Braxton was a Dire Wolf defending you from the Old Man as you spilled your B-positive blood all over or whatever your blood type is. Ask a Doc.

But once again, today is Virgil’s day. Do you remember what you did on his second or third birthday?Did you fail Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 14: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Or, more to the point, will you fail this week? Be grateful you still have a chance. But you’re not so positive you will. Virgil is much the same. He’s thankful to have his bed, a blanket, a chair, a loveseat, your bed, and comfy spots galore. But is he positive that you are the best thing he has going for him? Very doubtful. Hmm. I did clean up the yard. That was me, not you. I ate the last of the Emergence Day cake. I wondered why I suddenly had a craving last night.

However, Virgil has you now. What are you going to do? Sleep? Keep starting at Yuffie Kisaragi, all skeevy-like? Sing Happy Birthday before the annual birthday picture with Virgil. Uh, smile… Braxton And Virgil, Positive

1358 Days Without B III, Day 799 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 105 ~Learn Something New Every Day~

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What have I learned today besides how badly I screwed up my rules? I learned it’s easier to get things done with energy shots. And that seventy bucks isn’t enough for a father and “son.” Yes, Virgil’s eating. To exist? “Learn Something New Every Day”

Monday, October 14, 2024

Meditation 105 ~Learn Something New Every Day~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… But I will follow this one today, Friday, October 11, 2024. How…

There have been moments of confusion, of learning that I was wrong. But I’m here, hoping to make amends, to set things right somehow, Madam.

“But it is not this day.” “I have served. I will be of service,” to no one but myself, Madam.

Oh! And my little boys. My son, Braxton. I learn every day that he is no longer here with me. But while I’m awake and alive, quoting the likes of Aragorn, John Wick, and Peter Gabriel. What else have I been doing? Well, as I said, I’m doing research. Learning…

  1. I intended to make rules for ‘my existence’ in the likes of Zombieland or Lefler’s Laws. These rules were meant to guide my actions and decisions, with one rule for every day of the year. Unlike Trump, I prefer not to lie, especially when it’s avoidable. I live for the memory of my son, but death is ALWAYS preferable for me.
  2. I have learned so many new things with Braxton’s passing. Each of these lessons, symbolized by the 365 rules, has been a significant part of my journey towards understanding. Never acceptance.
  3. I learned that Rule Twenty-Nine, “Lesson 296 ~Heavenly Trip, Save A Seat~,” was counted as a Man In The Mirror conversation and wasn’t correctly sent to you, Madam.
  4. Rule 79, “Episode 288 ~You Only Have Your Word~” I lost track of offline.
  5. Rules 68 and 136 repeat “No Rest For The Wicked.” Such is my memory.
  6. Gospel 068 ~Willing Existence Day To Be~ was addressed to you, Madam. But does not count as a rule. I have mentioned I hate being Forty. I was Thirty-Six on that day…
  7. I wonder if Rules 316 and 345 were repeated accidentally. Or were they meant to be a play on words… “Harder To Breathe On/Up Top.” Leaning towards accident

So… How many rules exist? If we include “Leap Day” and The Purge. 367… That’s adding 79 and 366. Minus two repeated rules brings us to 365. But Annual Purging…

Once again, I’m at 366, but I’m not a smart man, Madam? That’s why I’m always trying to learn. And you know how I hated formal education. I wouldn’t hate my Day Job if I had been better at it. This is why I’m talking to you today. Because, with the Day Job Monday, Madam… How excited was I to see I even had a schedule? Writing isn’t making money. REALLY? A rule against it? Learn Something New Every Day.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1352 Days Without B III, Day 793 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 104 ~That’s Braxton Line, Virgil~

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Whose Line Is It Anyway? I would be better off holding the line between my lips. Or the $300.00 worth of lines I wasted with “Outskirts Press.” Should I go all Wild ‘n Out and such? Every day, I live a LINE and cross one. That’s Braxton Line, Virgil.

Sunday, October 13, 2024

Meditation 104 ~That’s Braxton Line, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the only thing that separates us is today and yesterday. You were STUPID versus… are STUPID.

Oh, what a way to start a Sunday? Huh, with a STUPID line. But you can do so much worse.

Braxton is gone. And the world is a STUPIDER place without him. However, there’s you.

Yesterday, I told Lady Lunalesca I shouldn’t eat sour and sweet… More like spicy and sour foods before bed. I should also add this. Don’t read about zombies, either. Only it wasn’t the monsters that disturbed me. And you seemed okay, too… Edging after midnight.

‘You Are a Sad, Strange Little Man.” Or you will be. It’s only been six hours. But what about being a good one? What about B III? How about 2-V? They’re only a breath away.

A line on a sheet of paper. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Taking Kelsey by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, I could talk about how I stumbled last week, and how you might this week. Where’s your faith? It’s easy to feel like it left with Braxton, and you’re realizing that no one is listening to your prayers. It’s been six hours, and you’ve already stumbled on number six. You would have stumbled on number four if Virgil had not made his appearance. Number three is a tough one.

Instead, let’s talk about the boundaries that were crossed last night and are still bothering you. I know you were admiring some businesswoman’s “assets,” but you’re not that kind of person. That’s funny. You have more respect than that… Sigh.

Anyway, I was reading Everything Dies: Season One, and with what Adam tried to do to that little girl, Emily… And what Harley tried to do to Emily’s mother, Kristin. These lines… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Everything Dies: Season One
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Failing these things… which you will, is one thing. But what some men will do. The disgusting, depraved degenerates. You’re a bad man, but nothing on such a level (shudders).

We’re talking a few pages in a book full of zombies. While you’re writing “Sofía’s Nightmare,” that would get you banned quicker than P$rnHub. There are certain lines you don’t cross. And when they are… Well, you wonder why you rise every day, old man.

Throw The Covers, and there you go, crossing a line. Leaving this bedroom is another. Every door opened. The food from packages eaten. Seven out of the ten things in the search bar. Your stories and these words. Lines you shouldn’t cross. Why? Because FORTY sucks! That’s Braxton Line, Virgil

1351 Days Without B III, Day 792 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 098 ~Say It While You Can~

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Say It While You Can, and ask it if you dare. Or am I being lazy or obtuse? If anything, I’m being a scaredy-cat, which shows why V and I get along. We’re exactly alike. But if I have to say or ask. Is the schedule working? Sad. Say It While You Can.

Monday, October 7, 2024

Meditation 098 ~Say It While You Can~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like being late to work. To “my” Day Job. I’m up. Dammit, I’m up. And plenty scared.

Is that what I needed to say today? If anything, I should be asleep in bed. I’m still in bed. But I’m talking to you. And I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go. I hope… I hope. I should be like Morgan Freeman in the film Deep Impact. “I wish… No wishing is wrong.

So what is right? I love you, Braxton. Or some version of that. Daddy loves you, B. Or should I do my best Yondu impression… “I’m damn lucky you’re my boy. What about I’m sorry, B III. Every time I get scared, “disturbingly” skeevy, or STUPID. I have to think of the worst thing I’ve ever done. Or the best, depending on current mourning trends.

Sing me to sleep, Braxton.

I should have sung to him when I sent him on his way. Speaking of being sent on my way, I should cut all this music off so I can hear the phone. If my schedule didn’t come through, why should I think the Timeclock app would alert me to my failure to come in?

There was nothing at the regular time or thirty minutes later. And if the hour passes, Madam, what should I think? I will be waiting all day for one of the managers to call. And what about tomorrow? Once more, I’ll be here like I’m Lenny Kravitz… I’ll Be Waiting.

Again… with the music. But the question is, what should I say…

“You’re a coward.”
“That is a correct assessment.”

The truth shall set me free? And make such a Pretty Mess with my Pretty Piece of Flesh, Madam. Geez! Can I be any more… vile right now? I may not be at the Day Job right now, but Virgil and I can pretend. He’s hiding out in Braxton’s Room. While I’d be in the stockroom at the Day Job, hoping no one could hear what I was listening to.

However, right now, I listening for the phone to chirp… Jeezu! It reminded me I had kept my pants on for four days. Now if only I could sleep or see and listen to slurping, sucking, and screaming slu… “young ladies.” My legacy of saying anything and nothing at all. Say It While You Can.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1345 Days Without B III, Day 786 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 097 ~Little Braxton, Virgil, Me~

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I’ve been reading short stories, counting up the small change, and seeing a little bit of trouble. Like I have no schedule for the Day Job. Little V needs his nails trimmed. And there’s been less B talk since Emergence Day. Little Braxton, Virgil, Me

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Meditation 097 ~Little Braxton, Virgil, Me~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And is there a reason you’re not a mother-effin’ starboy yet? Besides being 6:00 AM right now…

“You need a hero, look in the mirror, there go your hero”
Pray for Me

Really? The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar. You need the noise to compensate for the lack of it from your phone. Relax, it’s only been Widowmaker from Overwatch and your moans this morning. Beats groaning. With a little nostalgia for the things… girls you’ve never done.

Seriously, you’re pretty crass this morning. And judging from those Kendrick Lamar lyrics, you wanted to be positive. The lyrics came to mind at the Day Job, I swear. Hence, you’re not able to relax in bed right now. “Easy like Sunday mornin’,” I swear.

Braxton would have made it so. Are you going to cry about Little Braxton today? I cried twice yesterday, but neither time was about him. What about Virgil, then? And there’s always, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I wish I could say I worried about the little things… Oops! So now it’s your turn. It’s why you’re up so early. You were supposed to be up at 4:00 AM. Well, something was up plenty… Eww! Something big, all up in the Widowmaker’s guts. Big distractions like Piper Niven’s clothing. This is a big problem you have. Lust! Only there’s so much bigger.

Do you remember how I said your phone isn’t making any noise? Today, you’re listening for the Day Job schedule to drop. Were there no working hours FOUND for you? Have you been (gulp) FIRED? Is it yet another FAILURE of your manhood that you can’t work a phone. You’re a forty-year-old man looking to fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Taking Kelsey by Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

So, if you aren’t going to let these little things crush you. Then why not have some big ideas? Right? No wonder your dreams have been filled with Piper Niven, Harmony Reigns, Estella Bathory, Cherry, etc. The “Skinny Minnies,” as Cherry calls them, get you into trouble. And that’s all you’ve been thinking about. And trouble has quite enticing figures.

Like falling in love with some petite brunette? Again, while I was at the Day Job. I thought about never falling in love. If you don’t get your schedule today… Where will you be when you have such thoughts. At the house with Virgil, who isn’t Braxton. Don’t be mean.

Such small words are mean. Be the bigger man. Eww, Advice! Little Braxton, Virgil, Me

1344 Days Without B III, Day 785 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

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It’s not fair having to wake up and feel this way since the age of 7. I did have 15 years of waking up thinking how’s B. Is he healthy, hungry, and/or happy? The only thing unfair to him was living. To me, it’s being forty. “Life Is Not Fair Period.”

Monday, September 30, 2024

Meditation 091 ~Life Is Not Fair Period~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Though I would like to believe that with Braxton here, enough money or the right power… Sigh.

But my son is gone. I have survived this month to see 40. And power… To get out of bed.

But today is Friday, September 27, 2024. And if I have any more days like I’ve had this week… I didn’t even think about joining Braxton on “Emergence Day.” But the 24th and the 26th? As the song goes, “Woke Up This Morning.” I swear, Madam, I came back and…

Slept. And it’s not because I like being 40. And it’s not like 2V is my best friend. V’s scared.
He feels he’s always getting in the way. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve never harmed him, let him go hungry, or even hinted at sending him back or that he’ll join B one day.

It’s not fair to Virgil or me to live in FEAR every single second. Don’t get me started on others. Other people have it worse. But this is the last day, ha-ha, when it should be all about me, Madam. If you only knew how much I abhor September. The end of January? B’s ending. It’s like I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of despair.

But about those others… Hey Jealousy! You’ve heard me mention @fitdadceo and @csapunch. They’re in their forties. Look at everything they have, Dear Madam. Everything.

“All I’ve Ever Wanted.” And I don’t blame anyone but myself. But whose fault is it that I was done with existence by age 7? Didn’t @fredoontv say something like that, Madam. And look at him. Even better, Johnny Sins… well, his girls. A Wraithbabes gigolo? I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed myself.

I don’t blame my skin, sex, or sins, Madam. Life is not fair because of me and no one else.

I find no fault in the loss of my son. My heart, my hero, that other dreaded H-word, dear Madam. I love Braxton. But again, this isn’t about him. You know that song, “Wake Me Up.” And those few lines:

“Life’s a game made for everyone. And love is the prize.”
Wake Me Up, Avicii

Love is not a prize. Love is a gift I’ve never given myself. Instructions I have never got to read. As I was telling Lady Sophia this morning. I’m too busy reading about old men now and girls sans clothing. That’s why I’m losing, Madam. And what’s going to change?

Sitting here at the table, writing as the music wafts? Life Is Not Fair Period.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1338 Days Without B III, Day 779 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will