Episode 250 ~Let’s Lie Down Will~

The lie is I can’t get up, that I can’t face the world, that B III will live to meet his stepmom but the truth, I don’t want to get up, the world scares me, and Triple B is on three medications, yet I wish to create fiction. Let’s Lie Down Will.

Friday, March 8, 2019

Episode 250 ~Let’s Lie Down Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, create the ultimate comfy spot for dogs. A product most owners won’t buy, a lie never accepted. Knowing at the end of the workday we want our fur babies with us. Sitting on our laps, furring up our couches, and bedtime.

That might be easier than writing because I’ve discovered something and that’s I’m not a good liar, and you know how I know? I’ve never convinced myself. A God that can’t convince himself of his creation; like the plot of Legion (2010). I’m not even a good thief because that goes hand in hand with lying. Only haven’t I said that fiction isn’t lying, again it’s creation. Still, everything from girls to gore, to the ground, is real. Writers have to bleed, and that’s one more thing I can’t do correctly. Like a body that lies Undiscovered and when it finally is what’s left, decay?

I haven’t gone through the majority of the Editor’s Notes on Apocalypse Rush. Though if a sea of red was any sign, damn near everything had to be separated and corrected. Not that they said it was terrible by any stretch. I wonder if the editor was a woman. I saw that it’s International Women’s Day and I did go to see Captain Marvel last night. Hell if I wasn’t sitting here with you telling me to Stop Crying Your Heart Out, what would I be doing? A pool of green from vomiting out the amount of cash I’m going to need for my novel. What about being Down With The Sickness that festers inside me. Word apps are leaving whoever I was rotting more.

Lady Sophia, if I want to write and learn how to lie, why don’t I tell you about the movie. How I strolled with confidence, paid, bought my snacks and saw a great film. No, I humiliated myself with an old ticket and agonized over it for two hours. Saw a decent movie and then felt right about a car accident because people were having a worse night. I could tell you I woke up feeling great, with a lot of energy and I plan to get so much done. Again I fell asleep till seven, my body is sore, I have to go out, and all I want to do is sleep. If my life were happy, I would go into nonfiction. Could become one of those reactors for TWD. As King Ezekiel put it “Fake It, Till You Make It,” will I go and lie down in bed or Let’s Lie Down Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 127 ~They Don’t Understand Your Shit~

Nobody has to understand you to be successful; hell people can know everything you say is a lie, and you can still be president, but I’m only a writer, with his real fantasies and fictional stories but will they know? They Don’t Understand Your Shit.

Monday, November 5, 2018

Episode 127 ~They Don’t Understand Your Shit~

Fifty-Seven Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, a part of me wants to say, be Donald Trump but we understand his shit, he’s an asshole, now I could talk about his followers but more to the point I think about “Braco,” “E.L. James,” or The Walking Dead Fandom. I know that alone comes off as confusing, but that’s everything when it comes to me, thus the rule because nobody understands and in truth, I hope they never figure it out because if they ever do that…

For example, today is the hell if I know “anniversary” of almost getting fired from the day job and why… skeevy, pervert, stalker perhaps, take your pick, just like I do, I was afraid, I’m a traditionalist, and I consider myself better with words on paper ha. How about the fact that nobody seems to understands me at work when I attempt to speak because my voice comes off so small, and don’t even get me started on how many times I’m referred to as “Ma’am” when I’m picking up food. What about my novel, don’t I mention NaNoWriMo daily but anyway, my protagonist and antagonist are “sleeping with” two girls, before that they were having fun with three more.

The good news is if by descriptions you can recognize them you’re probably very “wrong” like me, but honestly games like “Virgin Roster” don’t get made themselves, somebody greenlit the game “Rapelay,” certain costumes get made, and photo shoots get done. Some people like football, others The Walking Dead, athletes die sometimes, and people cheer for teams as if they’ve done something, but I’m wrong for worrying about Walkers or liking The Purge. “Indiana Gone,” told me that the key is communication but even if wasn’t for “The Tower of Babel” (I don’t get religious people honestly) understanding especially in these days is not valued.

I keep telling myself that even if I don’t get my novel I must be saying something but to me, it’s only a list of sexual fantasies in an apocalyptic universe which allows for my darkness; for maybe a day I thought I was into Teratophilia… perhaps a little. What about wants, wishes, woolgather, my writing, I can’t tell the day job all of that is why I would rather not lose week after week to take care of their shit, honestly Madam Justice I don’t understand and they can’t, They Don’t Understand Your Shit.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

I don’t bother to introduce myself; I won’t even say hello because if the conversation goes further than that, do you care how I am, should I care how you are, sooner or later you’ll lie to yourself about me. Don’t Make Their Lies True

Monday, October 22, 2018

Episode 120 ~Don’t Make Their Lies True~

Fifty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, the first bit of change but why should I, you know it’s never me wanting to fit in, it’s what’s left inside me, and then I don’t recognize who I am anymore, yet one more reason I avoid mirrors.

Last week I talked about writing a decent sentence but how many people have seen that coming from me, no instead I believed the first lie from my “father” and that was “stupid” everything about me. Madam Justice I don’t want to be a downer today but isn’t ironic that with lies you can be president but the truth can put you in prison regardless of guilt or innocence, I heard again I was stupid in my “home,” and thus I became it. So I’ve spent my life wanting to be everything but, I read every day, I attempted to join Mensa, hell I don’t know how many books I’ve written, but I struggle with such small tasks making my father and everyone else smarter.

In the flesh, I am ugly, and like the Phantom, Quasimodo, or Cyrano de Bergerac, I began to wear masks, I hide upstairs; my downstairs barely has furnishings, and I don’t bother to fix the doorbell; how about the fact that I hide behind words? I don’t check mirrors because there is no point, I wear hoodies and dark colors, I keep earphones on always, the music a feeble attempt to drown out the lie that is becoming the truth.

Of course, I can’t neglect this, let’s say half-truth that got me here talking to you… how many times will I return to this; I was acting skeevy and creepy to a girl, fair enough, I started talking to Lady Lu and next thing you know I’m a stalker. Now if comparing a girl to Brazzers or Reality Kings is one thing, I get the same damn reaction if I write something sweet, of course, when “gentlemen” pay me for my words, they get girls panties to drop quick. Even now you might say I sound bitter, to one girl I’m too sweet, to another I attempt to nail her whenever she comes by, but my point is I don’t know my truth as I’m in many lies and falsehoods.

With that on repeat having never known myself since the cradle, believing and knowing I was worthless, nothing, and stupid and having the world echo that well… it started with one man and a bitch here or there; it can end with one man, me, that’s if I figure out who I am one day, Don’t Make Their Lies True.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 221 ~The Way You Lie~

Lie to me, you’re going to have to, I’ll hate us both, but this is the least I can do because you don’t know me, so you’ll make something up. And like the genie I am, I will make your wish come true and become what you want me to be. The Way You Lie.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Lesson 221 ~The Way You Lie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, and that is probably the biggest lie I’ve told, no fear, how I have repeated it nearly two hundred and twenty-one times, a hope, a prayer, a lie, a big fucking lie.

When I was a child I became an atheist, a choice and yes this is a “sin” for another time, but because of my cowardice, I would tell people life was terrible, that life sucks, instead of acknowledging how I felt about the church. Sometime later my father confronted me, threatened me and asked what was I going to tell people, how did I feel, and I said “unwell,” and after another threat, I lied. Inspector Echo *sigh* I lied and not to those people, not to my father but to myself and that was the killing stroke, ask me why I hate God, and I could give you a million reasons but the fact that I can’t be me, why should I fear Hell?

“That’s what hell is. Forgetting what you were.” Malleus Maleficarum

Before you ask, I am well aware what an atheist is, not a hatred of God but a complete denial and maybe it’s this whole made in his image that has me asking today why do I hate myself, hell I got to keep my job, didn’t I? Questions upon questions, why did I get to keep my job, and I answer because I became that little boy again, I agreed to lie about who I am, how I feel, and everything because I hate these damn people, and why? Tell me why I choose to hate, because they allow themselves to wipe my existence off the earth and I let them because I hate myself infinitely more every day.

It’s probably the only reason I’m still alive, why I don’t fear to go to Hell… I know it, the fire, you see flames have names, guilt, lust, rage, but lying, that has to be the biggest one for me, I cannot stand a liar. If you knew everything I was lying about, more like omitting but Inspector Echo every day I lie here and show every secret I dare. I even told my manager and district manager, I’ll pretend of course if I get paid, I’ll lie to save my ass, I’ll use lies as weapons, but the truth is so much worse. You learn deceit as quickly as you embrace hate and that is my sin Inspector Echo, I made their lies real.

So forgive me Inspector Echo for accepting those lies, for making my life a lie, for covering their fear and hatred as something I deserve because if you knew me at all you know, I deserve Hell like so many others, and I’ve found it, it’s The Way You Lie.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 091 ~Eye A Terrible Aspect~

Lust, at first sight, is a real thing so you can’t look anymore, the words will have to be enough and the possible numbers of sales, maybe not on a bookshelf not yet but the world is full of beautiful things. Eye A Terrible Aspect

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Lesson 091 ~Eye A Terrible Aspect~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but I can feel it coming in the air tonight, and more so tomorrow, and the next day and God help me when I have to go back to my day job. You know me and my religious references still a hard habit to break but anyway today’s lesson and it’s getting hard, how hard?

“For fifteen minutes. That’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can’t take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.” American Beauty

Hard enough that I’ve been sleeping, even more, you might call it depression and maybe you would be right but there is so much beauty in the world and it isn’t mine. I’ve been sort of nervous about anyone, especially my future wife, reading our conversations but what am I supposed to do, lie, I omit, I give the truth scope, but I don’t lie. That’s what I was thinking about this morning, again the lesson, I lend the eye a terrible aspect and I will do far more maybe.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” 500 Days of Summer (2009)

I finally got a name for my short story, novelette, novella, I’m not even sure yet “Degrees of Falling”; you see I wish I could feel something good, I don’t see the good, I see the beauty and “Beauty Doesn’t Always Equal Good”. Lady Lu you know that’s going to be a rule, but what I mean is, all the things that I’ve done in the name of beauty and because I’m a man, it’s my duty, my obligation, hell privilege but’s let’s call it human nature to be an idiot when it comes to women. Another mystery Luna how do you make a woman look bad without some dreadful crime, I mean other than your own embarrassment or wounded pride; so many questions seriously?

“Only women were capable of being so fucking sexy you wanted to lick them clean when they considered themselves dirty.”
― Captive in the Dark

This sort of leads me to another idea, as I said before, maybe since we chat every day I should have seven ladies… no I’m not a pimp, at least not yet but besides you who act as my therapist, I could write to my future lady though I don’t think that will help and what about nemesis for all my rules, which makes three. Don’t I sound like a madman but three months of chat and I’ve told you more than any real therapist and “Indiana Gone” might be mad but she just wouldn’t get it, I mean no one understands in the least.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

So what have we learned today besides my new rule, always look on the bright side of life… no, there’s a reason I exist in the dark or lost in the words because the world is a beautiful place but my work I will lend the Eye A Terrible Aspect.

“In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.” – Henry V and The Postman

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 074 ~Don’t Lie for Me~

How’s Will doing today, it’s not that I even have to take part in the conversation, I could lie in bed and they could live forever, lying long after I’m gone and I’m sure you have been getting this question yourself maybe. Don’t Lie for Me.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Lesson 074 ~Don’t Lie for Me~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and no sleep if Braxton has anything to say about it, hopping right into the lesson today, “no ifs, ands, or buts”, now about lies though? Talking about ulterior motives, sometimes Braxton is too smart for his own good, he lies in my spot but not out of love but to make sure I can’t crawl back into bed, he lies down when I’m eating not out of obedience, he knows that he is often rewarded for not begging, so on and so forth usually.

I know that sounds stupid I know but I wonder how many people lie to me for similar reasons, friends you know that dare I say like me for me? Of course, a running theme of mine has been I don’t even know who I am myself and when I behave differently, well as they say, with friends like these who needs enemies? A friend told me, that they have a file on me, my school, the police, the whole damn internet which must be so incredibly confused but I wish I knew what they say about me at work.

“Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that’s where they usually end up anyway, it’s a logical place to start.” Lord of War (2005)

How about the fact that I’m my own worst enemy and I lie (asleep) not because of depression but because it’s the only time, said enemy gives me a break? When I finally take “The Big Sleep”, I hope they won’t lie about my life, another reason to write, so people can’t lie, no Luna I want people tossing and turning, I want them up in arms, or anything else. These words may lie on the page but it will be people that will decide the truth or the lie, but don’t we all really?

“What’s the threat? We all sell out every day, might as well be on the winning team.” They Live (1988)

We lie about the people we’re with, support friends even when better friends know better, at work they build you up on lies, surrounded by air while you’re lying in the dirt, at the end of the day is six feet enough. Of course Braxton has the best excuse and I have learned to speak his language but it’s people Luna, and in a way I guess they can’t help it, as I said I don’t know me so they can’t know me but it’s their stories, the weight of it all, I can’t take.

So what have I learned today, maybe it’s the Will said this, Will feels that Will looks like… stuff at work are just people again lying about me or lying for me, this person they have never even met and so Don’t Lie for Me.”

I Will Have No Fear

Hear Me Out

Once upon a time I made a mom pretty “darn” angry, and it wasn’t my mom for once and I can’t say that this poem helped any. Hear Me Out, well to be fair I don’t even talk to my own mother or many people in my everyday life and still, I try to explain.

Hear me here
I wish you were dear
My girlfriend, my lover, or even a friend
So where do I begin
This isn’t the place
Or is this a waste?

Hear me there
Do you care?
What I have to say
I listen every day
… Okay, okay I’ll shut up
You’ve had enough

Hear me now
Better yet how
Freaking blocked me
You’re not listening
Or buying
Am I lying?

Hear me in
Is that a sin?
These screams
My dreams
Aren’t real
But you feel

What I am
Is not a good man?
Which I never cop to
But a fool
For freedom
So read on
Or don’t
You probably won’t

Hear me out
What I’m about
Sex and drugs
Death and blood
But to clock
And knock
Let me explain
Know my name
Am I too loud?
Just hear me out

Retired Feelings

As the song goes… too young to fall in love but I’m too old to be this afraid, to be a virgin, or to be all alone in the world. Retired Feelings, surely the pieces of my heart must be dust by now and if not what am I, lonely man at 31 or a dirty perv

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJsQvN_CFlM

And not speaking of desire
Doesn’t that make me a liar?
A courageous man would inquire
Be creative or even inspired
Instead, I perspire
Until I’m much too tired
Yet you love me like you do, the night entire
As Cupid and the other gods conspire
Forever alone prior
To the day I expire
Can I be anymore shyer?
Dreaming of a girl on fire
Instead, I stand right beside her
My heart much too young to retire

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Babydoll a.k.a. Emily Browning… Sucker Punch, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, and “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins

Written If Not by Cupid

How do they write the love stories, the love poems, the songs… ever get that feeling that there is something everyone else knows and you’re just not getting? I’ve imagined my first, well… everything; how that might change me. Written If Not by Cupid.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDstJE0u0zU

And love is written by…
well, all of the rest
The girl who lost her dress
Perhaps the boy who asked why
My, my, my
How some have confessed
But when I love you… I don’t want to guess
Yet together we lie

I love you
is defined by the man I hope to be
not the man you see
who would have you, love me like you do
Only if you are the girl I hope you are
My love when do we start

Our love story

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: ???, Johnny Gill “My, My, My”, Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, and Sia “My Love”