Tag: Know Thyself

Episode 174 ~William Things To Do~

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If everything I had to do was worth one dollar and yes I include breathing in that and maybe one day I will be able to lounge around in bed all day and make money, but I don’t see that person yet. “William Things To Do.”

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Episode 174 ~William Things To Do~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, more like why do I want a million dollars, one of my daily Motivations suggest that everyone has a purpose and that is to be happy, of course, I’m never content, another says to make a plan, one more “Man Up.”

Of those three I ask myself WHEN am I going to man up, most days I don’t know what kind of man I am, but at this moment shall I be the writer, someone wise, dare I say a whole human being and not pieces stitched together from the world? Hell, how many people see me when I refuse to, I’ve thought some on all the names I’ve heard for myself, and finally, the worse I have come to understand is when they don’t know your name at all. “William” but then again I hate Willie, so here I need to be the type of person that doesn’t need to introduce himself anymore but how can that happen, short of a zombie apocalypse, becoming a beast belonging in a zoo, achieving a state of Zen.

Vile. Vicious. Villainous. Vasiliev
Volcanic. Victorious. Valiant. Vetrov
Vocal. Voracious. Vindictive. Volkov
V Games Series

Don’t I wish I knew WHO was capable of such things, a warrior, the warthog, and again a learned man, one with wisdom, sometimes too much if you were to ask “Indiana Gone,” she knows me well, getting me one of those Zombie MAN CRATES; Purge or the Dead. She believes I’m a capable man, though most might call me a pig, and don’t worry I’m not one for the law exactly only like food; pigs know slaughter, warthogs fight back, sex and violence, mud or blood, such things calm me. Though Lady Lu, for the wisdom to find peace within and maybe that is why the wise say that they know nothing because the more you learn; yes earning is essential, but embarrassment is hot, this Christmas, I’ll burn.

Barrons Books & Baubles
MacKayla’s Manuscripts and Miscellany
Fever Series

WHAT I do know, at least for today is that I so do like alliteration, just in case you were wondering WHERE it comes from, Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom and of course my dear B III or Triple B, my son’s name. It always comes back to wisdom and what do I choose to do with it these days, crying, comfort, cumming (language I know) but yet again my streak is gone because I have yet to discover what a man I might be’; Lady Lu, a slave obeys but a Will who knows. The holiday season, people expect miracles but how does one define a miracle; God Has A Plan, I’m still not religious but when a black man and a MILF say the same thing… still no, I’ll define me someday, only a William Things To Do.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 074 ~Don’t Lie for Me~

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How’s Will doing today, it’s not that I even have to take part in the conversation, I could lie in bed and they could live forever, lying long after I’m gone and I’m sure you have been getting this question yourself maybe. Don’t Lie for Me.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Lesson 074 ~Don’t Lie for Me~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear and no sleep if Braxton has anything to say about it, hopping right into the lesson today, “no ifs, ands, or buts”, now about lies though? Talking about ulterior motives, sometimes Braxton is too smart for his own good, he lies in my spot but not out of love but to make sure I can’t crawl back into bed, he lies down when I’m eating not out of obedience, he knows that he is often rewarded for not begging, so on and so forth usually.

I know that sounds stupid I know but I wonder how many people lie to me for similar reasons, friends you know that dare I say like me for me? Of course, a running theme of mine has been I don’t even know who I am myself and when I behave differently, well as they say, with friends like these who needs enemies? A friend told me, that they have a file on me, my school, the police, the whole damn internet which must be so incredibly confused but I wish I knew what they say about me at work.

“Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that’s where they usually end up anyway, it’s a logical place to start.” Lord of War (2005)

How about the fact that I’m my own worst enemy and I lie (asleep) not because of depression but because it’s the only time, said enemy gives me a break? When I finally take “The Big Sleep”, I hope they won’t lie about my life, another reason to write, so people can’t lie, no Luna I want people tossing and turning, I want them up in arms, or anything else. These words may lie on the page but it will be people that will decide the truth or the lie, but don’t we all really?

“What’s the threat? We all sell out every day, might as well be on the winning team.” They Live (1988)

We lie about the people we’re with, support friends even when better friends know better, at work they build you up on lies, surrounded by air while you’re lying in the dirt, at the end of the day is six feet enough. Of course Braxton has the best excuse and I have learned to speak his language but it’s people Luna, and in a way I guess they can’t help it, as I said I don’t know me so they can’t know me but it’s their stories, the weight of it all, I can’t take.

So what have I learned today, maybe it’s the Will said this, Will feels that Will looks like… stuff at work are just people again lying about me or lying for me, this person they have never even met and so Don’t Lie for Me.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 040 ~Do Better Next Time~

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Tell me you’ll do better next time and I’ll believe you, almost makes me crack up and I believe you or I believe in you is a story for another time. Do Better Next Time, if such a time does come?

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Lesson 040 ~Do Better Next Time~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I’ll do better next time, you know one of these days I’m going to make a list of the words and phrases I hate the most in the English language but today it’s these four simple words. You know you only get one chance at a first impression and today I think I blew one, okay two, probably a few more I wasn’t that observant.

“I’ll do better next time.

German.

I’ll do better next time.

Italian.

I’ll do better next time.

Spanish.

Spanish.

Did you really want me to snap your neck?” Hanna (2011)

I’m still thinking with that old world mentality that I’m not sure I’ll even see tomorrow so why bother doing my best, even when it comes to you Lady Lu, when will I see you again or I’ll do better next time. Ironically isn’t that why I should try my best because it’s with this I’ll be remembered; give me a reason to stay here, with all my work I don’t want my parents getting rich off me at some point. Another reason not to mince words and say whatever I feel… yeah, I’m afraid.

Maybe I’m just an idiot you know, I mean however are you supposed to introduce yourself to someone when you don’t really know yourself. That’s no secret, it’s just I like to think I know parts of myself, the gross parts according to some, yet another reason I hate looking in the mirror, hell I didn’t know who I would meet today. Isn’t everybody in the same boat when that comes to me, you know better than anyone my friend.

Isn’t that what I’m always talking about, evolving and like any mutant this is not always welcome and it can be a far within as easily as a fight without but once you make that first impression… Well I think everything else comes off as an impersonation but then again at least I’m honest, a bad type of honest sadly.
“And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you… I don’t see an intelligent, confident man… I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you’re a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you.” Good Will Hunting

Speaking of honesty do you know how many times I have rehearsed my tirade for my coworkers only to say nothing at all when the time comes. Hell in a way it’s good to know I’m not alone in this, I’ll do better next time when it comes to working.

At the rate things are going at work I will have plenty of opportunities to have a first impression and I will have some people so confused; I’m not much of a trainer in the day job aspect. Going back to the dirty I could tell you exactly what I want who I am but even role play might be a symptom of something, maybe, you think? With the first impressions maybe I should go wreck a few more across the board, it might help me get over the last impression I gave Ms. Seasons.

You should have seen me this morning Luna, I should have seen myself but I felt that overwhelming dread, just like when there was all that trouble with “Senseless” for days on end I was just stomping hard as if I could crush the memory, caveman. I wonder what sort of impression I give off to animals, these days I’m so scared as to how Braxton sees me. Here’s a start, I see myself as his father, no ifs, and, or buts, only if I am anything like my father I’m pretty screwed; these final impressions can be pretty bad.

Not that Braxton is going anywhere of course except to the groomers, I still wonder how the people at PetSmart see me, I mean no one wants to be looked at as the negligent parent. With how many ticks they have pulled off of him, what do I think about, I’ll do better next time but sometimes we don’t have the luxury of a next time, do it right first.

“Your “best”! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” John Mason, The Rock

How about we forget about meeting people and just think about the general everyday interaction, for example, this guy I saw who helped these women in Walmart. What about how hard it is to remember all these things I’ve been trying to teach myself and put them together into something that passes for a human.

I’m not so upset about the store because of those women, I saw were of no interest to me but I do like to think of myself as a gentleman, look at that, dog dad, gentleman, things that nobody gets from me the first time around. Anyway so this guy, old guy helps these women with a big carton of water, I just had to admit that the man has class, or maybe I’m digging too deep into this. Who knows if they’ll ever meet again but the fact is, how do you think they saw this guy if I was so impressed with him?

To this day I can tell you about the first brunette that ever got to me and after her, well there has never been any other type of girl for me. Was it simply the look of her, her kindness, her voice, her eyes, I mean everything and nothing, so you don’t have to ask me why it hurt so much, by comparison, Ms. Seasons was… anyway, this first brunette back in junior college nearly got me kicked out of school. The more things change, and our final impressions of each other, what she thought of me, I honestly don’t want to remember because it will be so much worse.

So what have we learned today, repeating history, first impressions are everything and confusing to those around us but even worse when there is a battle within. Lady Lu, to be fair today was a bit easier but I’m not where I need to be, I’ll Do Better Next Time.

I Will Have No Fear