Gospel 038 ~A Touch Of Will~

Promises of soft hands. The feel of fresh sheets and the little fuzzball that’s running around here when my kid isn’t plopped down in my lap. SIGH, if only I would publish my book, I’d have all the space in the world. “A Touch Of Will”

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Gospel 038 ~A Touch Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so you would think I have a touch of class. It’s been my experience that I find a touch of cash a lot more palatable. I’m sure I’ve told this story quite a few times. When I was a child, I’d dole out hugs for money.

So what, unconditional love isn’t enough? Now when it comes to my childhood, I wasn’t too keen on “puppies,” either. Not talking about Yabbos, hell, I’ve loved them since I first saw a “Jet” magazine. I mean actual dogs. I came back from school once and found my grandparents had gotten a dog. I suppose most children would be ecstatic. In my experience, I went running scared and jumped on the bed, where he couldn’t reach. Okay, so why am I waning all nostalgic? I Love My Dæmon Like Pancakes always and forever, but oh, give me patience. He’s an old man that only wants to be close to me, but sometimes it’s like I can’t breathe. The last thing I wish in this life is to be alone. Even now, I feel smothered today.

Is it any wonder that I’m enjoying living in this, our plague era? Why even now I wait for the zombie hordes to descend. How about taking my chances when it comes to The Purge? What about the fact that I’m into BDSM? Yes, I know Lady Lu that I broke again last night. It was a mix between MILF Tres, Momokun, Cherry, and St. Louis Luxurious Wheels. One of these girls is not like the other, am I right? My point is this. I can’t stand for something, someone so beautiful to touch me physically or emotionally, I know.

People say I wear my heart on my sleeve. My grandma would say I have so much pride. Someone even told me I have an ego. How can one person feel so insignificant? Yet in the same breath, see themselves as the center of the universe? It’s like my light is the size of a mustard seed. My face is that of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I cover that with the most monstrous things I can imagine. The concept is they all hurt in one way or another, and my body can’t take it.

Yes, I’m touchy but money, mammaries, and my mattress? If but A Touch Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 031 ~I’m One Will Away~

Another week has come to pass, and I’m still not going to bed at a decent hour. I know the way, but I don’t have the will to work and hell wasn’t I doing the Day Job this week and 5000 words the last one. I’m One Will Away, from going crazy

Saturday, August 1, 2020

Gospel 031 ~I’m One Will Away~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do I have the will to stay there? Lady Lu, there’s what you have to do, what you could do, and what you want to do. As the saying goes, you know, will meet the way and all. My motivations ask, what do you want?

I have no passion for the Day Job, but I find the will to get out of bed and go. Tonight I’ll say, has been pretty decent and then my “father” called. Do I call it will or fear the reason I answered it? All the money I need to be saving and yet here I go again staying out longer. People talk about being an adult is all about making these choices. You do what must get done. Again my motivations say, if you do what’s easy, life is hard. If you do what’s hard, life will be easy. So that demands the question, what am I complaining about. Yeah, I hate the Day Job, but when I know where I stand with it… With my “father” hell, that’s accepting the worst-case scenario. For the record, he called me about “Quidditch” duh. I take it he wanted to humiliate me. Of course, staying out to go to McDonald’s is no damn good at all.

Now, what could I be doing tonight other than waiting for this new girl to break me? I could have been finishing Colleen Hoover’s book. What about emptying out my exploding email? I could try getting to bed at a decent hour, which already isn’t happening. No, I spent most of today sleeping, and if not, that I’ve been hard. I could have walked My Dæmon. I swear the boy is being quite the little trooper. Next week will be easy, but do I have the will to do what is hard dear Lady Lu.

You know what I want to do. I want to write books full time. One day I want to own a cathouse. I want women begging me to see them naked. One more reason tonight has been “excellent.” Still, I want my hands on my keyboard and not in my pants. I’ll even settle on my zombies, finally coming to fruition. For this to happen, all these wills have to go. The Settler, Mr. I Don’t Feel Like It, the Wisher. I’m One Will Away.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 024 ~Nights Of The Willies~

Good night or more like good morning? Will I actually get to bed before 12 A.M. come Sunday? I have 2800 more words to go with the novel, so it has been one productive ass week. For something, I’ll never publish. “Night Of The Willies”

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Gospel 024 ~Nights Of The Willies~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but to be completely honest, I’ve about finished another story, thank you. As of my last count, I am now 2800 words away from the finish line. Only I still doubt I’ll get a decent night’s sleep tomorrow or today seeing how it’s 2:15 A.M. now.

As Ted Mosby put it “Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.” I believe it was Todd Chrisley that said something about 12 A.M. as well.

“Your curfew is 12, cuz ain’t nothing open after midnight except legs and the ER, and you’re gonna stay out of both of them.” –

On a personal note, Lady Lu, all I want is to get six hours of sleep and not have My Dæmon be confused some mornings.

Hell, I work these late nights to avoid the horrible days at the Day Job. So how is that working out for me, hmm? Do I owe some thanks to NO FAP though I was ready to break again? It would be something if I was having nightmares or something. The only thing I hate on these nights is finally going to bed and seeing the blue creep outside my window. I know I shouldn’t be putting that sort of negativity out into the world. Be careful what you wish for My Lady. At this point, I want more of the Simple Things, thank you, Mr. Huynh. Now, how many white men have I taken advice from in the past few minutes? Again Ted Mosby, Todd Chrisley. Oh, Mr. Huynh’s country singing voice belonged to Randy Travis from Hey Arnold.

Anyway, I would settle for a clean house for starters. I was going to say something else, but I suddenly got a touch of paranoia. Okay, so I’m writing because I hate my job and don’t want to be scared anymore. Nothing that I’ve written tonight is going to help me overcome that. Oh, and if I haven’t said enough about writing, I jumped the gun this afternoon. I tell you all the time I lie to Camp NaNoWriMo and stay up all night, making up for it. So in bed this afternoon, I accidentally marked I was finished with my novel. Don’t worry, I immediately erased the entry, but that didn’t stop them from giving me the badge. At least it will be right by today or tomorrow. Now shouldn’t I be grateful that I had this whole week to do something I love? Yeah, Lady Lu, that’s funny.

When will these long nights’ end? Nights Of The Willies.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 017 ~Ma’am This Sucks Will~

Another Late Night/Early Morning, and this should be pillow talk or rather be conked out at the moment instead. I won’t be dreaming about some girl because I wrote her into my story, but what kind of man am I? Ma’am This Sucks Will, I think

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Gospel 017 ~Ma’am This Sucks Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I had to succeed at NO FAP. Now I am sorry, Lady Lu, that everything relates to my “monster” nowadays. Didn’t somebody say once that life is worth more than a penis? I’m not counting that as a bad word. Lady Lu, whatever I’m doing with my life, I want to be more of a man than I am today. How I panicked today because somebody broke the ATM, and I couldn’t get my card back. When the people at the BBQ place called me Ma’am again. Hell, I’m still buying clothes for some future submissive I’ll have soon…

The whole damn country is falling apart, and all I can worry about is me. Yesterday, I was telling Sophia about all the lists I’m writing about my problems. I’m also itchy, I have heartburn, and as always I’m tired as all Hell thank you. I don’t even want to dare to glance at my Six Impossible Things because what have I got done? I’m keeping it in my pants, and my story is taking off. 2400 words a day, and of course, I’m not catching up because I should be doing 5000 words, but what did I do today? As I said, I freaked out at the bank, but I did get my card back. I continue to feel like I’m getting in everybody’s way wherever I am. Tonight will be one more, where I don’t get enough sleep, so what about tomorrow. I pay for wrestling, but how much can I tell you?

Things to be grateful for, so I get off this pity train. As with my gratitude, I have enough to eat for a few days. I haven’t looked at much porn today, but as soon as I say that, SIGH. You and I Lady Luna will finish this conversation, but I wish I had more to tell you. Another character is in my book, Charity Zoey Mars. She’s another English girl, so Cherry won’t be lonely. With that, I should probably say something about my country? I’m a black man living in America. Who is going to hear my voice, I ask. Do I want them to at all considering the things I have to say? Now that takes me back to my point, I’m not a man when I speak… Ma’am This Sucks Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 010 ~Will’s In The Sky~

The hands of the clock keep spinning, sun up and sundown. My head is in a fog because it’s after midnight. Now how many people are reading this, and how many are reading my story? “Will’s In The Sky.”

Saturday, July 11, 2020

Gospel 010 ~Will’s In The Sky~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means the sky’s the limit. Well, you know me, I could go into a load of pop culture references. I could say I’m already building the Death Star. How about something to the tune of Gattaca, how badly I want to leave this planet? Am I becoming suicidal again? Hell Lady Lu, if I could end it all is a question I ask each night, but I’m not dying. Of course, I could always talk about some girl’s Yabbos, which is why I wasn’t so successful as I wanted to be today. I could keep working through the night, but Will I Lose My Dignity.

“When you’re white, the sky’s the limit. When you’re black, the limit’s the sky.” Chris Rock Bigger & Blacker (1999)

Forgive me, Lady Luna. I’m still trying to appear more coherent. Call it a lack of sleep, my hatred of spending cash, and yeah, I’m hungry. I have a thousand dollars in the next room, and I’m upset about my $9.00 sneakers getting wet. So that brings me to accomplishments today. I did walk My Dæmon this morning. On this very evening, I meant to type 4600 words but only got around to 2200. It’s my highest word count so far this month of camp. NaNoWriMo isn’t asking for any more tonight. Lady Lu, I even did some reading too. I may finish Too Late by Colleen Hoover tomorrow. Should I say today, considering what time it is? The fact is I’m rolling. I’m doing something constructive, to say the least. Oh, how about the saddest battle now, NO FAP.

Sad to say, I’m thinking about MILF Dos, Cherry, and her Mum. It’s in the context of my story, and I’m starting Chapter Four, “Like A Moth He Came.” Yes, you know I am always one to spin a title. Even with the Coronavirus (COVID-19), I’m trying to be creative instead of worried. I went to Church’s Chicken today, and none of them were wearing masks. My “father” got tested, but my little sister was in quarantine. Stop hitting yourself, Nelson Muntz would say. How about I stop repeating myself. For example, writing stories that are never going to go anywhere. Starting NO FAP because I’m disgusted being the nice guy wanting to see Yabbos and do I. Um yeah…

Have I gotten through this conversation without heading to you know where dear Lady Lu?

Giving myself more problems other than addiction, and they’re pretty high, Will’s In The Sky.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

What’s it like to be free? Would I say I’m free? I mean, I’m not at the “Day Job” for once. I could fall asleep if I so chose. Hell, I know what I really want to do, but I’m abstaining for some reason. “Will To Be Free,” of addiction, anxiety, aching

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Gospel 003 ~Will To Be Free~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or so I wish. My motivations would say, don’t chase money but follow your purpose. More to the point, I face down my goals every day, and you know what those are. Yabbos… talk about freedom and independence or maybe not.

Red eyes, my attempts at blushing, and being a horny male, prevent deep thoughts. I apologize that everything keeps returning to sex. It beats RAGE, doesn’t it. As long as it’s me and My Dæmon, whatever do I have to be mad about? Now I mentioned red eyes, and they both relate to the same “problem.” One, I’m tired because I’m all about PORN, and this will be day six of NO FAP. What am I not fapping to? Well, you know how I enjoy making my lists leading nowhere:

  1. Tifa Lockhart
  2. Aerith Gainsborough
  3. Liz Vicious
  4. MILF Dos
  5. Cherry
  6. Serah Farron
  7. Ellie, Dina
  8. Sesskasays
  9. New Purchases

That’s another thing, Lady Luna, like the word Yabbos, I’m digging on the number NINE. The NINE women I did wrong, or that’s all I can remember. Well, today is all about remembrance and celebration.

White or right… a Freudian slip or an observation? Now before you get excited, you what white reminds me of. I’m all for Black Lives Matter, but I love me a white girl. Not now, but when I start seeing with my heart instead of other portions of my anatomy. Hell, last night was touch and go because of that picture that started me on the road to Tifa. I found who made it and spent $15.00 on the collection. I swear I do everything for the Yabbos. Hold on, but I’m slobbering, spitting, snarling like an animal. So reasons I PUT ON THE MASK.

Blue Balls, though, are hurting, so I don’t have time for the Coronavirus (COVID-19). One disease or addiction at a time. The government is giving up, but I still believe I can do better. My legs crossed in bed, phone off, fighting the urges, porn is everywhere, and hiding it would break me without question. I should also mention my depression over my story, I mean how far did I get last night? I have characters to free from my mind, but then what exactly?

Red, White, Blue, I want GREEN, Will To Be Free.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

I hate these words probably as much as my Day Job “Another Day,” and that means I’m still breathing and not wasting my breath trying to be, well me. One day when I’m drowning in cash. A Breath Of Will

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Log 362 ~A Breath Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I can breathe without it. I Can’t Breathe, are dangerous words, and that’s why I prefer to keep my mouth shut. When I take in the air to speak, um, that hasn’t been going to well lately. Hell, aren’t my fingers an even bigger problem?

As you know, I started NO FAP yet again. Yeah, I’m in that 24 Hour state of clarity. Lady Lu, as the song goes, I’ll never fall in love again. I’m starting to remember all those years ago when I discovered RealDoll. Now, this might be more of a confession for Inspector Echo, but with all, I’ve admitted? I did enter the RealDoll give away for the summer. What, are you going to change my mind? I swear Lady Luna I’m not one of these “Incel” creeps. Over the past week, though, MILF Dos isn’t talking to me, and neither is Cherry. Two other girls don’t give me the time of day. It puts a whole new spin on “take my breath away.” More like I’m giving it away, and what about GULP? Did I get enough to eat yesterday, which is why I’m energized this morning? I Can’t Breathe.

I know not funny, like that dumbass political so and so. If it’s not women robbing me of my breath, it’s My Dæmon. Yes, he’s my handsome little boy, but he’s also an old man. Yesterday I thought he was getting sick yet again. I swear I hold my breath when he jumps from the bed or uses the stairs. I wonder how do I even get to sleep at night, and he’s right here beside me. I swear if it’s not a woman talking to me, it’s watching my kid’s little chest heave, up-down. He lives, and yet I say Luna, I Can’t Breathe.

How I wish I could say something righteous or anything that might mean anything someday. Why not work on my story, make money, buy a made girl, or actual MILF? We’ll see, won’t we, when I get back walking my child. I should breathe easy now that hey, I put some new shoes on. Funny, my stinky boots didn’t bother me when I went out yesterday. With the plague and being a black man, but I wasn’t holding my breath. Walking on eggshells, broken glass, take A Breath Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 355 ~Will Earns His Stripes~

So what did I do this week… if anything, it wasn’t better. I slept most of the week away, dreaming about what I did wrong to yet another friend. I didn’t publish my story again. I didn’t go to jail, so yay. Will Earns His Stripes.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Log 355 ~Will Earns His Stripes~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why am I still here? Directly where I was last week only older, ornerier, and having an orgy with my past misdeeds. For the record, I AM A BLACK MAN. I’m also a sadist, a writer of “erotica,” a would-be pornographer, and a pimp ha.

Let’s focus on me being a Black Man, but many African Americans would disapprove. You know, Lady Luna, for the past week, my focus has been on “The Nine.” Of those nine women, two were minorities, one woman was Mixed, and the second was Latina. One of them informed higher-up, the other asked me to leave her alone, and I did so. You can call me toxic when it came to The D because I didn’t stop when asked. Granted, that was my fault in college (COUGH) junior college. That leaves five; with The Harmonic War, I didn’t want anything but to piss her off to my forever shame. The Basic Bitch slammed me for my bullshit, “pardon my French.” Now, that leaves only four, Okay, Rainbow Girl, Cherry, and MILF Dos. Keeping track, hmm?

So what’s my point? Of nine, seven were white women, and I had an epiphany with all the racial concepts circulating. Now, this might be me only attempting to skirt the blame. The thing is I always figured these women ran off because of who I am as a man. I understand that, no question. Hell Indiana Gone is the only woman that wouldn’t judge me for Of Inner Demons. I don’t say that about her being a black woman but one of my own heart. Anyway, I would accept it if these, (gulp) white women found me ugly. I still haven’t body issues about myself, especially with my teeth.

No Lady Luna, the thought I had was this… I AM A BLACK MAN. How dare I am I right? My Lady, I am not an African American male living his life for some white lady to call the cops quickly. Every damn time, I know I’ve done something wrong, but what? I asked out the Rainbow Girl, posted a Pokémon, or a song lyric and blocked. I showed Cherry my work, and she knew it was about her beforehand, so silence. I offered a deal and a hello to MILF Dos and blocked again.

A black man in a cell, Will Earns His Stripes.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 348 ~Don’t Be WEEK Will~

It’s times like these I tell myself, I’m going to do better. I have an entire week to do what I love, and that’s writing or do I want to go back to the Day Job and “Home & Kids” (shudders). Don’t Be WEEK Will but more like bright future whoever.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Log 348 ~Don’t Be WEEK Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t be WEAK, right? All this past WEEK, I’ve woken up at 4 AM, survived the world I was given. Hell, I still have the Day Job. Should I mention every slight, sin, and sorry not sorry I’ve had to contend with? If anything, now is the time for strength, to speak, and yes for Team Skeet, AHEM Alex Tanner “My Sister Is A H*e.” If I were a better man, well, no, a Christian, I would be praying for my friend right now. If but to share good vibes and positive thoughts, right?

What about me, though, and my selfishness? Yeah, this talk is brought to you by the letter S. The fact right now that I want to be WEAK this minute and go back to sleep. I want to sin right now and give into lust. I want to say hello and help my friend, but I’m afraid. You know what scared me the most, though during this week… looking STUPID. I still hate saying that word, and right now, I should be feeling super. All I am now is sticky. Relax Lady Lu, I spilled a soda and didn’t shower after, only changed my clothes.

Something I won’t be doing a lot of this coming WEEK as I checked my Day Job schedule. I don’t want to be every other week Will. I have seven days and not like when I’m there, trying to make it only another day. Okay, the question becomes, what am I going to do with them. I should say something to my friend. I’m still no saint, but I’ve spent 24 days, not playing Shaft if you know what I mean. Some might say I should seek salvation, or should I trust that my story will save me these days.

Tomorrow I will tell myself to be better. Yeah, then I’ll do something silly instead of singing, “I can’t live my life This Way.” What about my son? I should get up right now and walk in the sunshine because, how long has this conversation taken. Oh, you mean between looking up porn and song lyrics. Wanting to be a saint but living as a sinner. I’m seeing the destruction of the country as I’m surfing YouTube as per usual.

I say, don’t be weak. Will, Don’t Be WEEK Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 341 ~Someone SHOE Me, Will~

One of the worst weeks at the Day Job and that is saying a lot but I haven’t walked out for good, no not yet. Only with all this walking, I have been doing, why couldn’t I do anything a bit more constructive. Someone SHOE Me, Will

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Log 341 ~Someone SHOE Me, Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and more than ever, I want that private beach. There are pictures of me on a beach, not that I was allowed to keep any of them. Don’t ever ask me why I have no good memories of my childhood. I don’t have one picture to prove it. Now I don’t mean to be so cranky this Thursday morn or however long it takes to have this chat. By the time you read this, one of the worst weeks of my life has ended. Hell, how do I even keep score? Yesterday (Wednesday), I thought, no one counts days in Hell.

Of course, that was at the Day Job, the SHOE department. Talk about the Law of Attraction. Was this me talking about feet a few days back? Knowing the schedule made me think about my feet. Perhaps I’m feeling, defeated, yeah, not funny, I know. At least My Dæmon took it easy on me this morning. No walk for him, and shouldn’t I be worried? He hates getting old, the rain, and that I’m not sharing. Okay, for the moment at least. Speaking of walking nowhere, how about all the marches, protests, and riots going on. Running for Amaud, Marches for George Floyd, and we can’t forget about Breonna Taylor. Being Black in America, Lady Luna is something. The thing is I have a hard enough time only being me.

Do you want to take a walk in my shoes? If the Day Job is any indication, I intend not to wear any for plenty of reasons. Again the SHOE department is nowhere I want to be, and neither is Home And Kids. I would say I’m sick of running away and trust me, I am. Yet I want to be like Shaka Zulu, in some ways mind you. I want to stop running towards my bed and start running towards glory. With all this NO FAP going on (16 days, 21 hr, 42 min, 50 sec), I should be playing twenty toes. I’ll even admit to enjoying a bubble bath with a good book. Nowadays, I put my feet up for ten minutes at a time to read Too Late by Colleen Hoover. It seems though I still can’t keep up, even with my time traveling ways, what’s today?

Walk With Me… no Lady Luna, Someone Shoe Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear