Gospel 115 ~Wrong Wills To Write~

The good news is I’ve been writing indistinguishable crap, and that’s when I’ve been writing at all. Apparently, I’m on some mad quest to remain “Family Friendly,” except on Thursdays. NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, so… Wrongs Wills To Write.

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Gospel 115 ~Wrong Wills To Write~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and no, I’m not dying anytime soon. Aren’t I dead already, considering what time we find ourselves here, 8:45 AM. I was on time at 4:00 AM. I didn’t have the WILL to rise. Dreaming left me so um, well discombobulated.

What was I dreaming about, you ask? You know I can’t tell you that. No comment until Thursday and by that day? The thing is, even in the dream, my mind knew that it was wrong. Geez, 1984, much? How about that movie, Fortress (1992)? Yet again, I can’t say. That brings me to today’s point, which will also have me sounding like a broken record. IMPOSSIBLE, IMMORAL, ILLEGAL! Only I did say nothing is impossible, or at least my Six Impossible Things. Only I’m not writing my book or anything else for real. Of course, my next novel will be typed, and that’s because I want a new T-Shirt. Hell, I’ll have to pay for it anyway. Still, when it comes to NaNoWriMo, I want to imagine that I EARNED it for doing something.

Like most of the things I create, it’s not like I’m eager to see it again. I’m worried I might lose my progress. One more reason I’m late this morning, my visions, my plots, and all my non-edited works. I’m starting to think that’s why I’m staying so um Family-Friendly.
I’m stopped from writing anything at all because, again, none of it is right. As I said yesterday, I would begin reading another A.J. Markam title. Ok, if other authors, artists, are somehow authorized to do it, why can’t I? An African-American man in America? You know how I’ve been saying, I have to stop listening to old white men, especially the two on stage? Even my music is under attack, Ice Cube, 50 Cent, Kanye West. No sign of Indiana Gone, but we’re still friends. Then all the others…

I don’t want to write anything offhand, off-topic, or offensive. No wonder my last conversations have been all over the place. Can’t talk about the songs I like, the books, or reasons for certain movies. Of course, there are plenty of worst things like Trump winning again, coming from M. Anime. What’s one good thing I can write about? Lady Lu, I’m grateful, but everything ties back into the bad. The Wrong Wills To Write.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 108 ~HELLo Will Won’t Go~

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Gospel 108 ~HELLo Will Won’t Go~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which would mean I even have a choice in the matter. As always, seeing how we’re talking so late… 10:15 AM, I chose to sleep in. You don’t even want to know what got me out of bed. Yep “Family-Friendly,” remember?

To be as clear as my head is right now, SIGH. I was up early to read, but I can’t speak of it as I keep saying. The thing is I want to talk about Eric Vall and A.J. Markam. Hell, I even want to talk about my writing. God knows I will when I’m at the Day Job humiliated. Lady Luna, it is by far more acceptable to speak of glorious demon battles. The universal struggle of good vs. evil. I can tell you of a man that wields both the powers of the demonic and the divine. Luther Vandross sang of “the greatest power of them all” however… Every day, as a matter of fact, “Here And Now,” aren’t I living the dream? I’m writing, I have a cup of tea which I’ll get to soon. For the record, my current reading reminds me of W. Anton.

As the world burns all around us outside, in the house, I’m freezing. One more reason, it was hard to get up this morning. I’m fortunate to have My Dæmon, the firstborn, a little “Imp,” to try and keep me warm. Which name do you like? Thank the authors for Imp. Curiouser and Curiouser! You wonder why I’m not turning on the heat. The moment I do, I’ll be burning up, and this cold snap won’t last. I should start checking on the car while I have the time to. I have to go to the Day Job. If only to keep my anger and fear. None of my emotions are useful when it comes to being warm. “Hot N Cold,” am I right? I’m quite eclectic, from Luther Vandross to Katy Perry wow. You know my current theme has been to stop listening to old white guys. What about Eric Vall and A.J. Markam, hmm?

I can’t say I see most of myself wrapped up in the sheets, lying in the sun. The Imp is around here searching for comfy spots. He’ll follow for hot wings, or so I tell myself before resetting the Wi-Fi. Yet, HELLo Will Won’t Go.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 101 ~Reinventing The Will SIGH~

I suppose I should be grateful for yet another opportunity to change. As much s I would like to admit I had plans for today, cut to Pinterest and a bout of sickness. Over one and not the other. Can you guess? Reinventing The Will SIGH.

Saturday, October 10, 2020

Gospel 101 ~Reinventing The Will SIGH~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so add doctors to the list. Here I was shaking about the Coronavirus (COVID-19), but where have I spent the last few hours? Well, yeah, in bed, sleeping until 10 AM, but I should have enjoyed it. Let’s say for now God bless Sprite, which I always keep on hand. How sick was I? It all started when I took a little trip down to Pinterest way. A new email, a new Pinterest home, and the same mistakes. The only thing that keeps me 100% fearful is my “father.” He was doing a favor, killing me.

Woah! I hear you, Lady Lu, and I’m not getting into any Halloween celebrations quite yet. What I mean is, as the song goes, you “Make Me Wanna Die.” I’m not suicidal, but back then, every single time, it was because of him. Didn’t want his progeny living in fear. Speaking of which, before I screwed up this afternoon, I was running away from my phone. Now of all the terrors it holds, friendship shouldn’t be one. Oh baby, I love you, just leave me the (blank) alone. I swear with such and such texting me I’ll write a book. Only my stomach knew I had no such designs, and when I know I’m doing something wrong, it’s all “Down With The Sickness.” I swear I felt like crying, and I’ve been getting many of these days over and over.

My dreams aren’t exactly helping. I told M Anime that they serve as messages. So my “father” a million texts, and an upset stomach, but now visions. Yes, Lady Lu, I still see myself as a young man. Well, me and My Dæmon wise. Even he was worried about me. Anyway, while dreaming, I saw a Latino man sliding down a slip n’ slide or a waterslide. Trash was on both sides, and he was scared, but he kept sliding without any real control. Hell, I wish I could tell you more, but again I’m trying to be good. So why am I on Pinterest? I see the signs. And not only in my head Lady Lu. I’m wasting too much time on nothing. You know, maybe that’s it, something fun, but it’s all garbage. What about the character, hmm?

As always, I have to be better, but again I’m trying. Reinventing The Will SIGH

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 094 ~Dying For The Will~

I would kill for a nap right now, but why not for money, is that any better? At least when I’m sleeping, no one is being hurt fictionally or factually but didn’t my son wake me up yesterday. His heart problems… “Dying For The Will, where’s my heart?”

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Gospel 094 ~Dying For The Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and yet have no one to leave my fortune to. If I had the money, somewhere on the list would be how to make dogs live longer. Yesterday I brought up that the Dæmon and I had a bit of a scare. My son’s heart was working too hard, and my heart? It seems only when it’s breaking, is when I realize I have one at all. Every other time well… as you know, I commit many a sin, most based on FEAR. While not one of the seven deadly or nine circles a crime. But today, let’s talk about SLOTH.

THEY say it’s the most difficult sin to define, and like any disease it is, will or has killed me. Hell, if this was the Day Job we were talking about, I wouldn’t be complaining. Don’t I love writing? Wasn’t I almost on time today, 4:15 AM? Get up at 4:00 AM, 3:00 if ET. Dearest Lu, I don’t mean to be so down today. I’m a black man living in America. Even when we’re up, we’re down for the struggle, praying, or living the dream. I guess all those typing lessons in school didn’t take as I watch my fingers flying and son napping. However, I always know that I can do so much better for him. For us, but I might die right here on this couch someday because I neither want to do or try. Why is it every day I sound more like a Republican, but then again, I want to vote. Let’s say I’m inspired.

To what, help my country and indeed the world. Didn’t I talk about wearing masks and how I didn’t want anyone to die? If anything, I like the apocalyptic aesthetic. Well, it turns out that was false hmm as I watch people celebrate (you know who) get carted off for treatment. Only there’s no antidote for laziness, for Sloth. I wonder why are conversations take so long, Lady Luna, and it’s because I want everything to be perfect… Now again, isn’t that one more lie? My fingers and tongue have all the energy in the world to make up excuses. Of course, if this was the Day Job? Now that’s something I don’t want to lose. Yet here I am sitting, writing, I love it but Dying For The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 087 ~Will Of Early Birds~

Why do birds suddenly appear? Why did the chicken cross the road? It’s better to be a live chicken than a dead duck. Okay, so this morning, I saw BK was voted the best chicken sandwich. Well, that was a blanking lie. Will Of Early Birds, chat or food

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Gospel 087 ~Will Of Early Birds~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should send someone out shopping. Who was it that said if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything? If there’s one thing I want in these times, it’s time itself. Now I could talk about living in the moment, but I seldom ever do. Hell Lady Lu, all I do is talk to you and the girls, but I have no interest in looking back on those conversations. Here and now, I had a spirited discussion with M. Anime. My dreams last night were thoughts of COVID-19. Yesterday I got a “TOY.”

Dale Carnegie was right about keeping busy to avoid worry. Yet I worry about the past, present, and possible all at once. My history, again, today, I’m worried about keeping “IT” in my pants. Some time ago, I said I would have a day I don’t talk about legs, breasts, and thighs, but it is not this day. For Existence Day, I got the Adam and Eve Bangin Betty Stroker Kit. My that takes me back to how I got my first Fleshlight. To a time, I began studying BDSM; research. How about watching Extreme Movie for the first time?

Somehow from all of that, I found my life’s purpose. At present, I can’t say that I’m living up to it. Now understand this, Lady Lu, it has never deviated from writing. I knew of Le Marquis De Sade but hadn’t read his works. I read books on BDSM, for example, Dom’s Guide To Submissive Training. It wasn’t until I found my mother’s copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. I realized people could write like that… Badly, I can hear the jokes. Only I discovered a whole world and that men can write like that too. S. Wolf “Sex Zombies.”

Still, I will say tomorrow, okay? I was up at 4:00 AM somehow, but what time is it now? It’s been about 11 hours, and what can I say I have accomplished today. Well, at least I ain’t hungry because I’ve been everywhere, Ma’am. All the same, where will I be tomorrow, and how is the new week looking. The only way I see myself flying is if someone pecks at me. If I were a Christian man, all Jonah and the whale, I think.

Why do birds suddenly appear, SIGH, Will Of Early Birds.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 080 ~Willie Gone Diddilly On~

She’s out of my life, it’s out of my life, and I’m no good with goodbyes, but neither is anyone else sadly. All I know are magicians, manifestations, and mistakes. Is it any wonder I’m into whips, chains, ropes, and fabric. “Willie Gone Diddilly On.”

Saturday, September 19, 2020

Gospel 080 ~Willie Gone Diddilly On~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. This means besides Target and 5-hour ENERGY, add Pinterest to my sickness and rage. Now don’t sound I “presidential” going to war with some company. So like Trump with Tik Tok. Today, I’ll be pretty selfish.

Sure, I could talk about the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, may she rest in peace. There’s also how angry I’m being to with Dæmon since he growled at me yesterday. Hell, I’m still a little perturbed by how rude I was to that internet salesman last Friday at Walmart. At the Day Job, one of the managers told me I can’t go around ignoring people. Today and every other, I’m supposed to be a father. I can’t stay in a rage forever, which is one more reason I’m always exhausted. That and fear, finding out my Pinterest was suspended.

A second time Lady Lu, and there won’t be a third. All of that “work” and like finding out about some girl in the middle of the night. She’s gone. It’s gone, and I’m going to be sick. I don’t know how to speak the feeling. It’s like I’m slamming into the ground, trying to bury myself or find a staircase right into Hell. I need some sleep, but at the same time, I can’t close my eyes. My stomach is empty, and at the same time, I want to puke my guts out. The only way I’ll find them.

I keep going back to the words from my big “sister” as always. “You can’t build a strip club next to a school.” I didn’t do something so heinous, and at the same time, I declare guilt, my many sins. I did finishing reading that W. Anton book yesterday, so shouldn’t I be a man about this? If anything, I should shut-up talking to you and the girls about, well anything. I could lose this blog tomorrow, lose another profile whenever. I haven’t felt this bad since… MILF Dos, the Rainbow Girl, All The Jazz, my last Pinterest, was taken.

How I need to remember how I got over that one. Didn’t I tell you before my aunt said I wanted to destroy the world? I’m not looking to gain the world but to buy back my soul. My soul was before me, then poof. Pictures worth thousands of words all Willie Gone Diddilly On.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 073 ~It’s For The Wills~

The end of the week and nothing has changed. So why don’t I go out there and do something? I’ve asked before what am I waking up for, and while I love my Dæmon like pancakes, Yabbos, and um… line, oh yeah, writing. “It’s For The Wills”

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Gospel 073 ~It’s For The Wills~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s it all for? Fear, humiliation, the regrets that come later? It’s not for the cash because I would be published by now. Now Lady Lu, don’t give me that, you don’t write for the money. I have written plenty of stories I know won’t make a dime. My motivations say time and again to find out what you want. Now I know what I don’t want, and given the Law of Attraction, I won’t give them a voice. Still, what have I been doing today? Fixing my profile, a picture, and there’s Yabbos too.

How I deem myself a SADIST, but I’m more a masochist. “I’m just a sucker for pain,” as the song goes. Now I could be having a bout of depression on account of NO FAP, eight days. Yet here I am saying give me more. Am I a better man this week for anything, hm? It’s like finishing NaNoWriMo, I’m waiting for I don’t know what. The money to fall into my lap and dammit, I wish I could stop thinking about sex right now. That’s the thing with an addict; the first week is always the hardest. Oh, pardon my words, my dear Lu. It could be that I was trying to take my mind off “Existence Day.” Yeah, by offering MILF Dos $500 or Cherry €250. No, Bella Thorne, I’d pay for some BBW in the UK. Hell, the closest I’ve gotten to a present is Adam & Eve Bangin’ Betty Stroker Kit.

So pain, addiction, being broke, any more bad emotions I need to exorcise? The fact that I might get verified? How’s that for regret? Well, now I have a place for my language. On the other side, do I need people knowing all my secrets, and these are the worst. Humiliation at the Day Job… I still have some time off, and again am I doing anything to avoid such a fate? If anything Lady Luna, I’m trying to live, and that’s what I’m looking for. A reason to stay alive because I don’t feel it. Writing is life, but once this is all over. Yeah, there it is, the fear of what comes next, shopping, wasting the rest of the day. There are no thrills here, only the horror.

The horror, the horror. As always, It’s For The Wills

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

What am I doing today? Of course, a conservation today, walking my kid, cleaning up for Existence Day as if I might have company. No, I will have company if I take a chance but first comes faith. The Plan Will Work

Saturday, September 05, 2020

Gospel 066 ~The Plan Will Work~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it would be a miracle. Joe Biden said that no miracle is coming, at least not from on high. Now what have I said about listening to white men about everything… America right? Anyway, while I disagree with some of Morgan Freeman’s views on race. I remember his words in the film Bruce Almighty. Be the miracle. I crawled out of bed before 8:00 AM. Took my Dæmon for walkies. I have been cleaning for three days straight. Then we have next week; Existence Day.

I don’t have any arrangements, Lady Luna. Hell, I have more of an idea of what I’m doing tomorrow than Existence Day. I should also add that my little sister’s “Emergence Day” is the day after my own. Am I comparing my sister to the Locusts from Gears of War? Funny that one of my Existence Days would take place in a hospital, well, of course, didn’t the first one ha, ha. I’ve always talked about if terminators existed, I would send one through time. Is there a chance that I could go all “Looper?” Keeping up movie-wise, hmm? I would be glad if you were dear Lady Lu. I’ve been thinking about something, well since last night; delusions of grandeur as they may be. Again, me and my pride to be a ladies’ man, a businessman, right. Staying Alive?

There are two girls, one hinting at reconciliation, another I shouldn’t mention now. I have two days to figure something out. Indeed, only today. Both mothers and would have no time, and yet I’m here. I shouldn’t be wasting my time, but I know the truth of all this, Lu. I don’t want to spend Existence Day alone. Now the other side of the coin, I don’t want to shut the door entirely, and of course, I need the Day Job. Sure, I have my Dæmon. I expect to hear from Indiana Gone. Yet, I won’t even tell M. Anime. Like I’ll see her Yabbos. Somehow though, I have this idea about MILF Tres, aka Special K, and she who will not be named. OKAY won’t say anything, and I want to cut my phone off because I don’t want to hear from my Olds.

I’m Lord Give Me A Sign. I need to hear better men. Man In The Mirror… The Plan Will Work.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 059 ~Will You Be King~

First, Rest In Power Chadwick Boseman, I saw plenty of his movies and Black Panther at least four times. Now, of course, I’m plenty selfish too, so today I’m not so much an open book, I’ve learned my lesson. Will You Be King?

Saturday, August 29, 2020

Gospel 059 ~Will You Be King~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but he was more. Chadwick Boseman, he was a star, a legend, even a king. Lady Luna, he was Andre Davis, Thurgood Marshall, the Black Panther, King T’Challa. Now he’s gone. May he Rest In Power. I had to say something.

Can I go back to being a prick because the last 24 hours have been sad enough? Hell, it hasn’t even been that long, but Friday was something else. I must confess that as much as I would like to, I can’t even share it all, and do you know why. Call it hope, maybe faith?

I saw something yesterday, and I’m going to have to pretend I didn’t. The moment I entertain the possibility if I should ever give it voice? My Lady, how many times has there been wailing and the gnashing of teeth? Again I was reading W. Anton, and this goes against everything he teaches, but I refuse. Yes, I lack the courage, but I have learned from history. Better to be a live chicken than a dead duck. I am no king or even a hero. Let me be but a simple kind of man.

Every day I’m closer to being an older one, and I ask, what have I done with my life? I watched It’s A Different World “It’s Greek To Me” that fraternity Kappa Lamda Nu. My whole family has pledged. Yeah, my Mom and my sister are Deltas. Dad is an Omega. You won’t believe me, but I’m fine by myself, but damn I don’t speak to my blood kin hm. It’s strange though that nobody would know if I win and everyone will tell me about it if I lose. I mean look Lady Lu, again I created a whole “cathouse” so I could complain.

Only now, I join so many in the world in mourning, and that is my connection. I can’t speak of affection or of joy. No, I can’t say anything about excitement because what happens then? Lady Lu, I am a good man with a good heart. Usually, I would laugh at that, but now I want to cry. I want to be a billionaire, a king, and I don’t know how to do both, be “decent,” and have my power. Chadwick Boseman did his way.

Yet one more unanswered question. SIGH Will You Be King

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 052 ~A Loss For Will~

All my life, I have listened to people with nothing to say. So when I do ask for an explanation, they’ve got nothing. Hell nowadays, I don’t have much, but I refused to beg for once. A Loss For Will, maybe

Saturday, August 22, 2020

Gospel 052 ~A Loss For Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’d be wealthier if I’d stayed awake. So what woke me up in the first place? More often than not, if it’s not work or women, it’s my whiny dæmon. I love him like pancakes Lady Lu but SHIT, pardon my language, it’s all shit.

My motivations talk about having something that gets you out of bed each morning. Well, In How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Dale Carnegie says you must accept the worse possible scenario and get past it. Jail time or death? Let’s start smaller, Lu.

“First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.” – Dale Carnegie

“The willingness to walk away, above all other factors, does more to tell a woman of your high value than any amount of money can. You must be prepared to follow through and to fully believe that you’ll never see or hear from her again, because women instinctively know when you’re faking.” ― Roosh V

Well bigger, I’m equal opportunity coming to Yabbos. Sabrina Nichole, Paige Steele, Azur Lane, or MILF Tres? Only yesterday I was talking about when she’s gone, that’s it, move on. I haven’t heard from anybody like MILF Dos, Okay, or Cherry. So out of the blue, here’s MILF Tres saying, “Good Evening.” I gave her nothing but room to explain. After her “Okay fine” and an opportunity to talk, that was it. I’m at a loss when it comes to talking to pretty girls, but I chose. You takes your chances, and makes your choice.

Hell, I don’t think that way when it comes to the Day Job. Christians talk about people accepting Hell. Do you recall the movie Full Metal Jacket, “a world of shit,” right? Again I wake up and take that and why. It’s always fear or laziness, both? I was attempting to burn my eyeballs out of my head to check my schedule. You know I even tried to schedule my car getting repaired and why. All so I can go someplace that I hate Lu.

Yeah, like Whataburger is so impressive the way they screwed up my order this morning. What about Walmart? This goes back into my laziness, but I’m going to miss part of NXT, perhaps. I have to get up and fetch food. Well, doesn’t that point everything out? I’m going to get food for a life that I would indeed not live. My firstborn has to eat so he can continue crapping it all out like last night. Not his fault, of course, I choose him over me all day every day without out fail Lu.

Only I’m failing everything else, losing MILF Tres and now Specs too. I don’t know where to start. Answer anywhere but A Loss For Will.

I Will Have No Fear