Tag: Addiction

Saga 152 ~Attic, Addict, B, V~

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Why not all pleasures? Why not only my RAGE, and there is the silence my boy left behind. Only now, I “talk” to Virgil. I should be training him or writing, but there is another addiction. Anything to take the edge off existing. “Attic, Addict, B, V”

Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Saga 152 ~Attic, Addict, B, V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Reality, “I’m just an average man with an average life.” No, “I’m a dick. I’m addicted.”

Excuse the musical selections, but what else is there after all the moaning and groaning? The cumming. Hell! Should that be a secret? TMI? Addiction is real, Inspector. Today? Well, I am time traveling as it’s Tuesday, November 29, 2022. But 668 days without B. It’s safe to assume that I’m addicted to the misery and grief. In this world, aren’t we all? Yet the whole world can burn for all I care. That would never equal my crime, Inspector. Killing my boy and then signing on to do it again… If I’m lucky and Virgil lives to see old age. Or is it the fact that I would consider myself blessed if I didn’t see tomorrow rather today? You can ask, Dear Future Wife.

Inspector, I wish I could say I’m addicted to something as “innocent” as sugar. Tuesday, it’s more like sugar, spice, and everything nice. We’ll get to that. But I’m on a sugar high with sour Skittles, Punch, and a Nutty Buddy. I need a rush, huh, Echo? To talk to you, Inspector. Writing! I’m addicted to lousy writing, it seems. Hey Jealousy. How about RAGE? Usually jerking off… okay, the moment of release is a good mood. Then comes disgust, shame, and depression. Things I want to hide and keep secret. There is an attic here for a reason. At least I’m not tucked away in bed. “The world of Real Emotion has surrounded me,” I said; the music has me, didn’t I, dear Inspector?

And that’s because of my biggest addiction, contagion, infection, etc. SEX! Well, wanking, to be precise. As for what broke me now. There was Nami from One Piece. Specifically, Nami in her Zou Island Purple Dress. After such a look, you can add Reagan Kathryn “Nico.” Also, there’s Eileen Kelly. Leave it to porn to make me a student, but ignorance kills. At the Day Job, I’m nothing more than the “village idiot.” And everything that comes out of me is further proof of my idiocy. Yet I am addicted to it. A fucking zombie. The Walking Dead’s gone. And how I wish I could be all “we ain’t The Walking Dead.” That’d mean hiding and giving in. One in the same no matter what.

668 Days Without B III, Day 109 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 040 ~That’ll B The Day~

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When I call, as I have been for 556 days and my little boy comes running down the stairs, that’ll be the day. The day I die from seeing a ghost? How about being an author, an “adult film star,” or not always angry? Yeah, right, That’ll B The Day

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Saga 040 ~That’ll B The Day~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but most of my brethren seem aggressive and adversarial. Assholes, for the most part. But Happy?

When was the last time I woke up like that? Hell! When was the last time I woke up and was glad to be alive? It wasn’t now. I woke up at 1:40 AM. I’ve fought the clock since. Ha! The last time I woke up healthy was January 11, 2022. What happened that afternoon… Now Happy and I parted ways, God knows when. But the last time I got out of bed with love… Well, Braxton was here. And since then, a day hasn’t gone by where I was glad to get out of bed. Ok, so that’s a lie but waking up with a real reason. If you took this moment right now. I’d get up to protect B. Now I’m being punished.

And that’s not only because my dick is hard. 161 days in mourning? Well, 20 so far since I stopped again. Not mourning but jerking. Cherry asked why. Addicted? Affectionate? Well, more the lack thereof. I don’t know if we ever talked about this before… What, my “Daddy Issues?” Oh! I have plenty of those but my issues, having a son of my own. Onlyfans? Yeah, that happened after B III’s death. I still don’t like to be touched. But having eyes on me, feeling some sort of warmth. To be who, what, even where I am in this existence. I even stopped talking to “Dirty Diana” to have talks with B III, Inspector. The day I give up sex like M Anime, though… Never!

That’ll be the day, like the one when it’s morning. And I’m not wishing I was dead? Such dangerous words, Inspector. The only reason I bothered getting dressed. There’s danger. And that’ll be the day I can stay naked all day or make more than eight bucks, showing off the “goods.” More like whenever I publish one of my books. And I’m at the table now. That’ll be the day. When I’m sitting here with “my” family. As I once sat with my little boy B. My father was here yesterday. The A/C is still busted. Anyway, with B III’s ashes around my throat and his picture. He says this. “You’re not ready for another dog?” He’s not ready for another son. That’ll B The Day

556 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 033 ~The B In Blackout~

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I shouldn’t have said that idiot, insane. Um, then stop thinking about me. My kid? But he’s gone because of me. That crime beats all others. The women I’ve offended. The things I’ve done to myself. Three words black it all out, yep. The B In Blackout

Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Saga 033 ~The B In Blackout~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And with that much money, while I’m doing nothing. I assume I could stay awake, Inspector.

But no, I’m at the Day Job. When I have to take out my “Air Pods,” my mind begins to flitter on everything. Then like that, I’m in a dark place. Let’s say it’s a version of the sunken place. I’m watching existence but in the past. Yet I believe I can see the future. Before I give way to despair, though, three little words wake me up. Braxton Is Dead. It always comes back to that Inspector. My Son Is Dead. No matter what “Humiliations Galore,” whatever will be endured. I say those three words, and everything becomes bearable. Yesterday it became more evident as I suffered. If you want my theory… it’s that time of the month, the year. My original sin returns.

You know Inspector because I don’t. It was only around 2017 when I started talking to Lady Lu again. It was about the Basic Bitch. And let us not forget Sweetness or The Harmonic War. Oh, too late! I hate reading my past work, Inspector; ok, Braxton Is Dead. His death was the worst day of my existence. It even surpasses horrific Emergence Day. Emergence Day… Fuck! That is coming up soon, ha! Echo, fuck me! Endure And Survive. And then, yet again, I have a note on August 6, 2017, saying such and such is not your friend. I want to hide from all these memories. Inspector, I try. I would have been better off dying on the floor. But no, my dear Braxton…

My son wouldn’t let me die when I blacked out on the floor, Inspector. He saved me, my little boy. The only other times I blacked out was when I drank some. I’m a lightweight. There’s also Blackout: A Thriller by Erin Flanagan. I swear that book’s living rent-free in my head. Inspector, you know I’ve been free of fapping going on 13 days… Surviving this AM? XXX blocks out everything and the blackness that comes from such a feeling. By God! Echo, why didn’t I for 161 days? Why do I resist now? It’s day 549 of my son being gone. Braxton Is Dead, and I deserve to feel every bit of Hell this day will be. Start in gratitude. I don’t think I will. The B In Blackout.

549 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 026 ~ Bee’s Knees Of Addiction~

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It’s not every day I write something that makes me question? Should I put it out there? Republican ideas without the actual money. No, I’m only a black man who lost his homie, my son. Addicted to, a sucker for pain. The Bee’s Knees Of Addiction.

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

Saga 026 ~ Bee’s Knees Of Addiction~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means something must be bugging me. Chances are I am bugged. Or are people bugs?

I’ve been thought of as much worse. But if you ask me what I’d like to be considered as Inspector? Yes, even more than a billionaire. It would always have to be B III’s Dad. I was telling his Aunt Carolina the other day; I have thought of my wedding day. Hell! I have names picked out for the future kids. Katniss, Tris, Ember, my girls on fire. Luke and Leia. I will have to give one Braxton’s name, no doubt. My strongest addiction. Braxton’s death. Can we make this official? I’m addicted to the day, the depression, the destruction. I’m addicted to the misery. The song says, “This love is killing me, but you’re the only one.” That’s my Braxton. Loving my crying.

And speaking of music, “we don’t love them hoes.” But fuck me, I miss ’em plenty. Pardon my language, Inspector. I can’t get this quote out of my mind. “Do I have a drink, or do I not have a drink?” Only my drug of choice is, jerking off. Or paying to see a pair of tits. It’s only been five days, and I’m trying Inspector; I’m trying real HARD. So far, I’ve stayed off porn sites; what do you count OnlyFans as? I saw something on Facebook this morning, leading me to look it up on Twitter. Let’s just say, “Prepare For Trouble,” Inspector. The worse of it has been these two English girls. I swear I’ll break. But I can’t. Only So Hott

No, I save the breaking for the phone or, more like, the repairs. If only I could be fixed like that. Like someone out of The Screwfly Solution… No, I don’t mean the killers, Inspector. More like the character of Barney. And sure, there are support groups for every addiction. My Ma showed me one for mourning “pets.” I’m sure the information is somewhere Echo. I could delete every bit of porn I have. Leave OnlyFans. Delete Social Media. Everything! Echo, I’d cut off the phone. Ok, I was without it for six hours and suffered from withdrawal. And the Day Job? It brings no joy, yet it is a drug. “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” The Bee’s Knees Of Addiction.

542 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 107 ~Read Dead Redemption Will~

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Another week, one more book read the same subject but a different author. All I can ask is, when did I get into monsters? I guess it explains how I got inspired by Adam and his “first wife,” and I don’t mean Eve *hint*. Read Dead Redemption Will

Friday, October 16, 2020

Gospel 107 ~Read Dead Redemption Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I’ll own a vineyard someday. The thing is, Lady Sophia, I don’t even drink. Now sure I have my addictions, you know the one I’m fighting. I sleep far too much for my liking. When I was a child, it was only reading. Hell, this morning, I finished another Eric Vall title. You know I’m trying to stay “Family-Friendly,” so if you look up his name, that’s your fault. I’m also heavy into A.J. Markham. That’s about 11 bucks spent on the third book of both of their series, and that’s only today.

So why aren’t I doing more reading; that leads me to the revelation I had earlier. Upon finishing my latest book, I decided to brag on Goodreads. I had around 45 emails, and I told myself I’m only going to sign in on Goodreads. Yeah, I’ll also drop some money on Amazon and pick out new books. Sorry A.J. um Eric won this round. Only if I got an email, I would delete 5. It took me over 4 hours because I kept getting messages. It’s not that I’m not reading Lady Sophia; it’s that I’m reading honestly ungodly amounts. Excuses again, I hear you, My Lady. Those are the only things I write nowadays, like promising I’m only going to take a 10-minute nap at 12:50 PM. Here we are 3 hours later. What is with all the numbers?

Anyway, now you can see why I missed Pinterest so much. While I was in the process of waking up, I did start another board for writing. Yes, you best believe I locked it down. So my work for NaNoWriMo come November will be about fruit. That’s all I’m allowed to share with you and the present time. To be fair, I don’t have a title for it, but maybe when I get the twenty chapters down, I’ll have some ideas. Each chapter will feature fruit in the name, hopefully. Okay, so without further ado:

She’s My Cherry Pie
Cherry-pick
Life is a bowl of cherries
Cherry Condition
Cherry Bomb

Peaches and Cream
Big Melons
Lemons
Go Bananas
Second Bananas

Apples and Oranges
Apple Of My Eye
American As Apple Pie
Bad Apple
Apple Never Falls Far From The Tree

Plum Assignment
Grapes Of Wrath
Strawberry Fields Forever
Forbidden Fruit
In The Garden Of Eden

Well, I still don’t have a proper title. And this was a lot harder than it looks, but I did have fun doing it. Except I’m looking forward to WWE. I have to write a new intro for the guild that I’m now in charge of. How about how badly I’m being beaten in Call me a LEGEND? Is it still so strange that all I want to do is close my eyes? Aren’t there more important things that aren’t related to me? No Lady Sophia, you won’t be reading my obituary any time soon but Read Dead Redemption Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 310 ~Willy Time, Slow Time~

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Wasn’t I here last week, lost to the porn, worried about my pup, trying to find anything else to worry about besides the proponents of the puppet in the White House. The things one finds to do. Willy Time, Slow Time

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Log 310 ~Willy Time, Slow Time~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if I were white with a rich Daddy, this would have happened overnight. Making that kind of money takes time, and I have that. Yet again, though, I ask myself, what have I been doing with mine, time being money?

Well, of course, sex Inspector Echo, what else is there? Having finished, The Eve of a Cherry, I find myself lost on what to do next. I shot down somebody looking for a Beta reader but can’t find any for myself ever. When somebody calls your work, “interesting?” Hell time flies reading but goes ever so slow when you’re EDITING. The only thing slower is me finding some girl to… yeah, I know not a compliment. Still, I’ve told adult entertainers no and when I finally broke. It wasn’t with, Call me a Legend, but how many ticks and tocks have I wasted playing that game these past few days? I remember playing, Heavy Rain, a certain way because I wanted to see Madison Paige strip. I won’t speak evil of Call me a Legend though, I don’t have time to tear myself down today.

Seeing as how this conversation is two days ahead, you know today is. Star Wars Day, which means I have plenty of movies to watch. One more day I’m taking off and SIGH, I have to watch the video from my Day Job. Fear takes more out of me than anything. So what has scared me today? Not much other than walking My Dæmon and hearing the sounds of construction. I remember when I was a child running through the woods so fast, and the house seemed so far. Even at thirty-five, I can go back to that moment. The wonders of time Inspector Echo.

Not anymore, though, like most days, I have fallen into a routine. I wake up late, have these conversations, post the one from two days ago. I usually fall into a nap and wake up late again to work on my book. I “want” to read, and somehow end up playing The Walking Dead or Call me a Legend. Dinner, and then there are the nights where I stay up until one or two doing well “stuff and thangs.” The worse thing about time… my kid winding down, the stairs are his test these days.

Sadness, Willy Time, Slow Time.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 303 ~In Lust Will Trust~

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Just waking up or heading to bed, a late night shower, or before having to deal with people in the plague era. I tell myself it could always be worse, and I don’t have to ask the question, “Am I A Psycho,” great song by the way. “In Lust Will Trust.”

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Log 303 ~In Lust Will Trust~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Well, that’s because I don’t drink, though if I were a chick… Yes, I know Inspector Echo, that’s disrespectful to women. One more addiction I have, right? Well, I don’t smoke, I’ve never done HARD drugs. Unlike people in this day and age, I’ve never been addicted to social life. Hell several books written, none published. My blog will have been around three years in a few months. My poetry phase about The Winx Club when I was on LSD. I wish I could say I was only addicted to writing.

Trigging Factor: Blog 503 Error

  1. Cherry’s Glossy Lips
  2. Boob Search
  3. Katee Owen
  4. Holly Bryn
  5. Elizabeth Hurley
  6. Alyssa Milano
  7. Holly Marie Combs (Breaking Point)

Again I’m not a drinker. I figured alcoholics would drink anything for their buzz. As for me, you see, I’m always one for the “Top Shelf” HELLO. Not funny, but I do have a problem. With all this time off, I could start back with Brainbuddy, but like the WWE Network, I wouldn’t be watching it. Of course, I’ve started seeing ads again for Covenant Eyes, but “THEY” also think I’m a Republican and a Trump Supporter. Now let me say some things about Trump and watch me get into trouble. No Inspector Echo I go no further than the second circle. You know how Bruce Banner said That’s my secret, Cap. I’m always angry.

That’s my secret, Inspector. I’m always horny. Only yesterday, I was trying to convince myself that’s what love is… I’m not wrong. There’s no question.

Love is wild, insatiable, insane, at times, immoral. Don’t believe me, let something harm My Dæmon, and see that I won’t burn this world to ash to protect him. Anger, though, I can let go. We’re still amidst the plague, which is keeping me away from people for the most part. Lust though is everywhere, and I’ve told you before I can’t be the typical guy. One of those, see a naked girl, nut, and go to bed. I didn’t know who Katee Owen and Holly Bryn were until last night. If anything, that’s why I want to make LUST my profession because I practice, it’s not a phase, and I write plenty of prose.

Is it destroying me, though? I’m better than this, sorry, but In Lust Will Trust.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 180 ~Less Than Willing, Weak~

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Am I willing, well that’s my name, “Will,” Willie, sometimes I don’t know considering it took an email to HR to stop the calls of Mr. Willie and that was when I was lucky, but I’m lazy? Less Than Willing, Weak.

Saturday, December 28, 2019

Log 180 ~Less Than Willing, Weak~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a billionaire right now, and for most, comfort makes for weak men. How do THEY say, Fake It To You Make It? All I know is comfort when I’m not at the Day Job or anywhere outside. Even getting nearly eight hours isn’t helping. Why not eight, My Dæmon decided not to walk to the bathroom. Oh, and I’m an addict, not a doubt in my mind anymore. Of course, you know to what and when’s the last time I’ve gone a week. My motivations would ask what it’s going to take to change ever.

The year of Will, when I’ve already lost three months, last September. While I’m on the subject of the past, what about the movie Kickboxer 4: The Aggressor, SIGH. Am I starting to show my age, Lady Luna? Where was my “father” at my age? I bet it wasn’t in bed watching YouTube videos on Far Cry 5. I’m willing to do whatever needs demand to advance in the game but not in my life? My Dæmon looked at me as though I wasn’t ready to do anything. Like Father Like Son, he didn’t want his morning vitamin, treat, or any meds. I’m not suicidal, but every day this house becomes more like a coffin. If anything, though, I prefer it to the fires or the freezing that is my Day Job. Then again, what have I done this week to avoid going back other than stay a day ahead blogging? I continue to search on PCH like one day, yeah, here’s one million dollars.

Do I have anything to tout about this week? A couple of days not dying on Far Cry 5, but one day I didn’t play a full hour. The next, I had to replay the Exodus mission to save ALL the hostages. What can I say, I don’t like to lose? Sitting here in bed, growing a beard, eating cupcakes for breakfast. Yeah, so locked up in my addiction, I couldn’t bring myself to go downstairs and make pancakes or anything. I would say I’m going to be nothing but positive in the new year, but I’m not a liar. I’m lazy, lonely, a loser, but no, I won’t lie. You’re telling me to stop it and believe me; I understand that I must. Next week, new year and decade.

Why wait, I should get up; Less Than Willing, Weak?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 156 ~Addict Up, Mr. Will~

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Show gratitude isn’t that right, and if I’m sleeping more then my ear must not be bothering me as much, I didn’t even mention it today, but of course, I’m always complaining about something. Addict Up. Mr. Will

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Log 156 ~Addict Up, Mr. Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I am asleep. Today I want to talk about my addiction. No, not “The Addiction” that’s for a possible Thursday and not “Family-Friendly.” Lest I forget I’ll break into Will’s Most Hated Words. Anyway, I don’t want to offend any former addicts, or indeed the general populace. It was only yesterday my “Grand Mommy” was called by hackers using my name, saying I had a DUI, the grandparent scam. I hardly ever drink, I don’t smoke, I’m not even a fan of coffee, you know.

Will’s Hated Words:

  1. Skeevy
  2. Stupid
  3. Merge
  4. Happy
  5. Family-Friendly
  6. Just Kidding
  7. Tease
  8. Freak

Coming soon, a top ten but for now my addiction. SLEEP Inspector Echo that is my sin. You ask me how is that a sin, aren’t I a “normal” American? I hate talking about the Day Job. I’m ashamed though, for two days I stayed awake, the third I felt drugged, today I’m under the covers. Everyday Inspector Echo, I listen to Eric Thomas railing about sleep. Then I come in, get something in my system, and promptly pass out. Talk about staying hungry if it keeps me awake. No, I choose to sleep over everything. I was late with my Dæmon’s meds because I wanted to sleep. Did I do any reading today? The pillow was calling my name. What time is it now that I’m talking to you? Oh, and I missed Cherry too because I am exhausted.

I talk about being an American with a job, but I’m also an adult. It never matters how I sleep; I only want so much more. Again there is one thing that keeps me going indefinitely, but I can’t go there. One more reason sleep serves as a substitute, or I could talk about violence. Yeah, I wanted to play some Far Cry 5, but I’m hoping to stay awake so that I can watch NXT. My Dæmon nowadays is an enabler, but he’s old. If anything, I should stay awake to enjoy being his dad for as long as I can. The kids say I should stay WOKE about the issues of the day. What about my writing, didn’t I say I wanted my book published by the end of the year? Good luck with that, as if right?

Sorry, Addict Up, Mr. Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 046 ~Will Tell Better Stories~

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Something to hold on to, a pencil, my fingers against a keyboard, hell maybe I just need to stay mad all the time; great stories come from pain, but it was all about pleasure, life hurts so much. Will Tell Better Stories

Friday, August 16, 2019

Log 046 ~Will Tell Better Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now but not sitting in a jail cell. Not saying success is a bad thing. Indeed, whether rhyme or crime I’m a get mine. I have rules though Lady Sophia, 365 to be specific. There are also more unwritten which led to last night? Yes, I’m back on “FAP” again. Hell, it was the only way I was going to finish last night’s conversation. Now, did I need to; hell no, my friend. Yesterday I went into Walmart saying I would find my dream girl. I’m funny.

I wish I could tell you I didn’t dream last night. Remind me to stop watching walkthroughs of Wolfenstein: Youngblood. Jessie and Sophie with their dad. Abby and Lothar; I have worse dreams in the shower. Then again I could get paid for writing these things, so how does Tillie Cole do it I ask? I could have gone to bed thinking about her book “Raphael.” The Catholic church hurts children we know. What am I so worried about with my rantings and ravings these days. If I’m not reading, what about Heavy Rain? I guess I don’t need the stress. What about saying I spent $20.00 to see some girl’s boobs. Again a sweet release kept me from doing something STUPID. I was planning on buying videos from somewhere. Ruby Rae’s boobs plus Alissa and Rebecca, times Haley Pullos:

I want to tell you a tale about being a better man Lady Sophia. This morning I even read a bit about “William Tell.” If only I could keep my eyes on the target. Today that target is our conversation and cutting the front yard. Also, my best friend, a.k.a, my firstborn needs his nails clipped now. I wish I were a better person to “M Anime.” Cherry is looking at a hard time now; people suck Lady Sophia. I shouldn’t say things like that at all. Am I addicted, obsessed? Again some know me as worse. I said before I can never only watch porn I study. For example, Alissa, real name “blank,” model for “such and such” from, let’s say “Narnia.” I have to know the whole story, but no last night, my hand was busy, well elsewhere.

My stories usually blow Lady Sophia. Yeah, I don’t get horny, I stay horny, it hasn’t even been 12 hours. Today, Will Tell Better Stories.

I Will Have No Fear