Tag: Fatherhood

Tale 092 ~That’ll B What, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I haven’t seen Fight Club in forever. But there’s always time to listen to Motivations. And while I disagree with their idea of Hell… That was watching my son die. Heaven is seeing the person you want to be in the mirror. “That’s B What, Virgil”

Sunday, October 1, 2023

Tale 092 ~That’ll B What, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… You’re really trying these new intros, aren’t you? Should you get a poster of Tyler Durden? Affordable?

You wouldn’t know. No. Yesterday, I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to eat or not. Yeah, you have the “Fight Club” concept on the brain. Your head, sigh. All you have to do is think about this as if it were Braxton’s death again. Doing that again? There was no line when it came to putting Triple B in a box. Price was irrelevant with dying. Another reason you’re so in love with it. The cost of living gets under your skin like a virus. You are one of The Walking Dead and all. No wonder Virgil is terrified. Ghostly fur babies and zombies. Tis the season for that sort of a thing. But never for Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising: A Novel (For Kindle)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 058 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, what would I’ve done better last week? Or I could ask this. “If I Were A Rich Man?” Seeing as how you’re trying something different. It would help if you even wanted to remember last week. Or is it all the days that are blending together, leading nowhere? Let’s start with the Six Impossible Things. One was taken care of. Congratulations! That’s according to both Goodreads and Kindle. Two should have been done years ago. I have time to focus on the ladies’ “assets.” You need to honor Braxton. Hell! Virgil, too Hmm! Three? Again, I have the time, but you must enjoy working your horrible Day Job. Now, with Four? What made you break your streak? Dirty fantasies you wrote down someplace. You weren’t focusing on your book. And Five and Six fold right back into Two. Braxton… Honor him. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 2 (OR) Another Title
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Once again, what would I have done differently? Those motivational speeches say that wealthy people read. Were there no Republicans back then? I’m rich… and I don’t go around banning soon-to-be-burning books. I write them. Some for B III. And the others… If I’m not being Eric Vall, Logan Jacobs, Neil Bimbeau, or Imogen Linn. I’m living. Existing for now seems to be enough for you. But having a woman, feeling something. The fact that I can make Braxton and Virgil proud. The confidence, courage, and cost. Tomorrow is going to be a bad day. But for me? A Lovely Day. That’ll B What, Virgil

973 Days Without B III, Day 414 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 087 ~Look Out B…Low Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Braxton would step on my face to wake me in the morning. A reason to stay on top of things like groomer appointments. Now I remember to look at the foot of the bed for V. Has the backyard fence fallen? Don’t Look Down? But then Look Out B…Low Virgil.

Tuesday, September 26, 2023

Tale 087 ~Look Out B…Low Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But does that make up for me being less than 6′? 5′ 5″. And my enormous…

I’m in a randy mood. And also, I’m not a liar. Am I all cried out from Braxton today, hmm? Am I sweating bullets from whatever it is that will break next? Billionaires hate money? Yeah, that made me chuckle. But you don’t have to worry about me getting on a sub or going into space. As much as death… fascinates me. Drowning has to be one of the worst ways to go. And I gave up my astronaut aspirations so many years ago. Madness? Anyway, I’m not talking about Star Wars or Star Trek. You know I’ll obsess somewhat. No. That’s all saved for Braxton. But why am I looking down and not up? Plus, his box is still sitting here on the nightstand.

It was the same when he was alive. B was getting older, sicker, and dying, but I turned a blind eye to it. I mean everything. And then I caught his eye a certain way, and you know the song love. “When the walls come tumblin’ tumblin’ down.” And so it was with my firstborn. But what reminded me of Braxton today… As if I needed reminding, It was the freeloader. Virgil is one of our “children.” Okay, so I took him outside and came back in the house for something. Thirty-nine since E-Day, so forgive me, I’m old. Heading outside… Frightens me for all sorts of reasons. But today, Friday, September 22, 2023, it was the fence in the backyard. It doesn’t look right.

Hell! I haven’t looked right going on 968 and counting. I might fall anytime. Another reason I stay sitting in bed. And that’s not right at all, my love. What’s my Depression doing to our family? You can’t understand what Braxton’s death did to me. My boy always looked up or to the side because that’s where Daddy stays. And how did I reward him? By sending him to Hell? Because I know I’m not going anywhere else, baby girl. And I always like being warm. But can’t my wife’s arms or our children wrapped around my legs do the same? I cry, I throw money, and it’s only a matter of time before the fence finally falls. Cold and alone. Look Out B…Low Virgil

968 Days Without B III, Day 409 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 085 ~I’d B Worried, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Some people worry that their next breath will be their last. I worry “my” next breath ain’t. Don’t I sound like an ungrateful so-and-so? And I worry too much, from fur kids to books, where’s all the money going. And me? I’d B Worried, Virgil

Sunday, September 24, 2023

Tale 085 ~I’d B Worried, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means my only concerns are making more money and who to hurt next. So poor you.

In spirit, simoleons, Stuff and Thangs, etcetera. Tears are the only thing there’s plenty of. It’s not even 5:30 a.m. yet. And you’ve already been crying. And not over Braxton? Well, he’s always had something to do with it. And Sunday was never your favorite day. Every day that ends in Y. That’s existence for ya. And then you ask what’s wrong with V, huh? That’s something he has in common with Braxton. He feels what you feel… Do Better. Get Well? Or, as the kids would say, Get Good. “Life’s a game for everyone.” But no, you still don’t believe love is a prize. That should be a gift. And as much as you hate E-Day, what did you get? Uh, Six Impossible Things?

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising (OR) Any Other Title
    Completed “Revelation (Pessumae Christi),” Imogen Linn
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 051 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 058 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And at least four of them you’ve owned forever. Like the books, you ain’t reading. Speaking of books, you must finish “A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising: A Novel.” Or what? Amazon will come and get you? Billionaires hurt people, am I right? But it’s not people you’re interested in hurting… Sadist, though you are. No, it’s Braxton. Hell! He’s still dead. But in remembering his death and reading about other fur babies. Which all the books say you shouldn’t do. Somehow, it keeps you awake and alive. You’ve only begun this week, and you feel dead inside as I did. And not because of E-Day or the vampires. I’d B worry that the day and books hold sway over you. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising: A Novel (For Kindle)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 058 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Oh, you know they don’t. But I was working outside yesterday and again thinking about all the books you have yet to read. Hometown Hero (The Breeder Book 1), Witch Girl Study Group: The Complete Series, Backyard Dungeon 2: A Reverse Portal Fantasy, etcetera. Sensing a pattern. You’ll have to ask Braxton about quitting fur baby books. What about the fence that could fall down any day now? And you’re money situation. Then there’s the Day Job. And did the pants I bought yesterday even fit you? You know the real worries? Are you forgetting your son Braxton, the freeloader Virgil Vivi? Turning into a Republican trying to turn off the world. And to sleep forever. Dangerous Thoughts. But so’s Existence. I’d B Worried, Virgil

966 Days Without B III, Day 407 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 080 ~Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts~

WillLeave a comment

“You knock me off of my feet, now baby,” or “Take My Breath Away.” When I see a pretty girl, it’s more like Sade’s “Smooth Operator.” But there was when I first saw Braxton. When he died, it was “Song Unsung” Beautiful. Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts

Tuesday, September 19, 2023

Tale 080 ~Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But one of the last things I would buy would be a mirror. Other than Mondays…

My love, I’d shave on Mondays when I had the old Day Job and wouldn’t bother looking into a mirror the rest of the week. How do THEY say… Money can make anyone beautiful. Right? Or should I say white, “right,” in a GOP way? I can’t avoid the ugly. Well, unless I’m crying about my boy. Next to you, Braxton, is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m being honest. Why do you think I stayed out of my “business” when he was around? I have seen angels three times in my existence. I’m not counting the Victoria’s Secret catalog -being young. I’ve mentioned thirty-nine sucks continuously? Anyway, there was the day I buried an angel. I married one. Then you birthed ours.

And it hurts. Heaven help me, it “Hurts Like Hell.” Every day, I fight to keep my eyes closed. And ain’t that a sin? I’ve sung it before and’ll say it again, “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” But why when “There’s so much beauty in the world. I feel like I can’t take it.” “My” critic was telling me today, Sunday, September 17, 2023. I use too many pop culture references. And why don’t I use “my” own words? They are too damn ugly. And so I surround myself with beauty. My dame, dimes, dependents (our children), and death… well, only B III’s. “Live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse,” I read. Stopping his heart couldn’t erase my Braxton’s beauty. I See Fire…

Or rather Braxton’s ashes sitting in a box on the nightstand or the pendant around my throat. Which I’m surprised your hands haven’t found… yet. Or am I your “pretty monster,” as in Tillie Cole’s book Jegudiel? There is beauty everywhere, my love, I know. And for how long now… 961 days, I’ve been searching. No! You’re here, our kids. Dealing with the Rebeccas the first time I saw Virgil. Hell! Seeing Braxton years ago. Love, I say it was love at first sight, but I was so blind to it back then. I guess I am now, but I’m trying. Braxton, the first billion, and the painting Backwards Beauty. It all nearly killed me. “What A Heavenly Way To Die.” Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts.

961 Days Without B III, Day 402 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 078 ~Virgil Gives Up B~

WillLeave a comment

400 days, and V’s still here. B was here for 15 years, and he never gave up. No. I gave up on him when I saw how hard he was fighting. I wish I had such fight in me. To do what? Making the world a better place? Giving Virgil a home? Virgil Gives Up B

Sunday, September 17, 2023

Tale 078 ~Virgil Gives Up B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now… but you’re not. Want to know how I know besides the obvious? You, Help, Hide, And Hope.

Who are you, the freaking FBI? You know, with the whole Run, Hide, Or Fight script. I swear you could go on for days about not living in a sane country. But staying in bed… Well, that’s a luxury you don’t have. So you might as well live it up for the next forty-five minutes. Hmm… Yeah, help yourself to The Pic Phenomenon and another dirty book. You can keep spending the money you don’t have. It was not an issue when I was trying to save Braxton’s life. I failed. And for the past few days, you’ve been trying to think of things to make the freeloader… Virgil’s life a little better. A big payday? Uh, This is America! Help yourself… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising (OR) Any Other Title
    Completed “Initiation (Pessumae Christi),” Imogen Linn
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 044 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 051 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can’t hide from the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing. Neither will you. “Crime, it’s the way I fly to you,” as the song goes. And here you thought that breaking the law was supposed to make you smarter… It works that way in all the superhero flicks. But, “This ain’t no place for no hero to call home.” And you’re no hero. Never a Smooth Criminal. You’re bitcoin, temporary emails, one-time use debit cards. Hell! You’re starting to think criminals don’t want your business. And as far as being a big dog, a boss hog, yourself? No! You don’t take people’s money from ATMs. You make sure Virgil has food in Braxton’s bowl. Sigh. Buy him something. Do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising (OR) Any Other Title
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 051 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

This week, you will give up as I did the last one. Has Virgil given up? I hope not. Because as you are on your pop culture rant. Didn’t 2009’s “The Road” say something about dreaming of bad things? And it means you’re “existing” and fighting. My dreams sigh. No wonder you were up at a somewhat reasonable hour, 5:00 a.m. And again, what did you do with those two hours? You hoped you could look at some Yabbos and finish reading about a nun hooking up with five priests -as if that’d make you a little less dumb. Braxton knew there was no helping you. Virgil dreams of a place called home. Is that what Virgil howls to B about? Virgil Gives Up B

959 Days Without B III, Day 400 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 073 ~Hi Sugar, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

“Suga, Suga, how you get so fly?” And how come I’m not always high with your beautiful smile, bright eyes, and big… Anyway, I’m always in the dirt looking for my boy. Well, looking at his box on the nightstand. And with a 39th E-Day. “Hi Sugar, B, V”

Tuesday, September 12, 2023

Tale 073 ~Hi Sugar, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I do it? Sleepless nights? A sugar high? And… uh… SEX, SEX, SEX!

Yeah, damn, my critic who didn’t talk to me today. Are you becoming “The Time Traveler’s Wife?” Today is Saturday, September 9, 2023. And I’m on a sugar rush, hmm? You can also thank the likes of Himawari wa Yoru ni Saku, specifically Hisato Azuma. That sex talk comes from her. Relax, my love, it’s all part of this existence. Am I in a better mood than I was during E-Day week? The second worst week of existence? Done! But really? My firstborn son is still dead. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about my little Braxton not being here. As a matter of fact, I’ll have to get up soon to cut the grass. Aren’t we rich? Fresh air. To think…

Once upon a time, I got high off nature. That’s what today is all about —not raising my spirits. And more to the point, staying awake. But if anything, I MUST get out of bed. Mission Accomplished! But today is now Sunday, September 10, 2023. And I did cut the grass yesterday. And while I believe that pain wakes me one hundred percent. Thank you, Divergent. Being all itchy doesn’t help. All the bug bites in the world, my love. Yesterday, I still went out like a light. That’s why we’re talking today. Not Saturday. Really, “Sweet Love?” It’s more like sweet blood. Mosquitos seem to think so, my love. And speaking of love, isn’t that what gets you up? Love for them and me.

Do I sound like some Neanderthal who thinks “A Woman’s Place” should be about her husband and children? I saw that video the other day from Julia Mazur about singlehood. It’s a miracle you haven’t left me yet, and why? Depression, sadness, mourning 954 Days. Honest to God, my love, “I get high, high, high.” Or I did because of Braxton. And so I’m singing and ignoring my critic, “I’d never leave my block, my niggas need me.” I’m here. I stand, I’m sweet, I’m a damn superhero because of our children, four and two-legged. Sexual Healing? And I have my incredibly sexy wife. You’re my sugar, keeping me up. Hell! My life’s blood is my business. But my firstborn’s higher… Hi Sugar, B, V

954 Days Without B III, Day 395 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 071 ~Sins To B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Is It a Crime to be blunt, brokenhearted, and a bit…? It’d be a sin to lie in bed all day and listen to Sade. Should have done that on E-Day. With this week, what “bad” things have I done already. E-Day. I was born; that’s enough. “Sins To B, Virgil”

Sunday, September 10, 2023

Tale 071 ~Sins To B, Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I can hurt people as I sleep. Huh! Something we have in common. You hurt.

Keeping in mind that spirit of “Eff the critic.” You woke up around 6:30 a.m., and aren’t you ashamed? Anyway, here you are already wishing that you didn’t. There’s so much to do. And even if you got back into that “Waking Up at 4:00 a.m. Every Day Will Change Your Life” mentality… Hell! What would you be doing with that kind of time, hmm? You’re looking at a whole other year now, days after E-Day. And what have you done that’s worth talking about? Last night, as I listened to a sleep meditation. And that’s another thing. To go from motivation to meditation. Either way, you’ll end up dead. Please! If you’re going to die anyway, do it expeditiously. But no. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Losing a Pet: Coping with the death of your beloved animal
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VERY “Lucky” Surviving This Thirty-Ninth E-Day, Welcome To Level 39
    Completed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 037 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 044 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But as I was saying. Saturday, I’m lying there late for bed… Do you look healthy, wealthy, or wise? Anyway, besides my “pretend that we’re dead” shtick. I imagined it was Braxton lying beside me and not Virgil. The only reason he didn’t find himself on the foot of the bed. Now, ain’t that a sin? You were thirty-six when Braxton died —and being thirty-nine? Should we bring up the fact that you still watch cartoons? Oh! Not those kinds. I started talking to Dear Future Wife yesterday. I mentioned Himawari wa Yoru ni Saku. You’ll inevitably waste time on that and other things. You remember your crimes. The sins I planned on committing last week had me researching USDT. Not doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A People’s History of the Vampire Uprising (OR) Any Other Title
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 044 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You would be better served listing the sins you’ll commit this week. You’d win. Braxton? You’ll cry over him. You did that first thing. Your firstborn, you failed to save! Then there’s the lying, which you did right now. Before your sadness came… uh, boobs. There was a time when you did pay for one of those apps not to look at them, but then… And yes, you should save all your confessions for Inspector Echo, but sins are fast. Sometime today, you’ll either look up how to commit a crime or shell out dollars. Cryptocurrency, but what’s that make three? You’ll waste more time. Then, sleep too much. You might not say Virgil’s name all day. New week? Routinely wasted… Sins To B, Virgil

952 Days Without B III, Day 393 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 066 ~I’ll B Home Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m unsure of the day my Braxton entered the world, so I gave him one. But the day he left it… It was the worst day ever. Second is the day I came into the world. And being unfortunate enough to stay 39 years… I’ll B Home Virgil.

Tuesday, September 5, 2023

Tale 066 ~I’ll B Home Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but like when I was in the womb, I haven’t planned on leaving here anytime soon.

I’m glad it’s not E-Day yet. And the kids are at school. There’s also the fact that I’m time-traveling. It’s Sunday, September 3, 2023, at this particular moment. I’m thirty-eight. Today, that’s about 14,240 days. Looking at that makes me want to “Scream?” “Tonight I Wanna Cry.” Looking at the “Man In The Mirror,” I tell him that you “Make Me Wanna Die.” Am I making my playlist for E-Day, or what? Hell! I even yearn for B III’s passing. No! Not like that. I was a horrible “human being” when it came to the life of B III. Emergence, Existence, Extinction Day, though, is all about me. And first and foremost, I want to stay here, home. And I don’t have that luxury anymore.

I know I’m being like a heartless so-and-so. Oh Love! I want to say bad words. But there’s you, the kids, Virgil… the critic. Ha! And today, second only to B III’s passing away (sigh.) Soy un perdedor. I swear my critic is making me better with languages. While Japanese seems to be a no-go. You know words like “Security Guard.” Maybe Spanish works better? English though? If I could say what I want from this horrific day. Always and everything. That would be my son back. Love to this very moment, I’m neither in Denial nor would I claim Acceptance. I know the truth. Braxton Barks Bradford died. And if I had my way… “If I had my way, then surely you would be closer,” you sing to me.

I’ll be here to listen. I’ll learn how to dance. And to be quite honest, um, I “Feel Like Making Love.” After everything I’ve said today, what are the odds of that? Do I want to play Han Solo? Hell! We could have a movie night right here because, again, to go outside and do… what? My Ma took me to a restaurant once where they sang Happy… Oh No! But yes, I will be polite to our children. Is it sad? I have to say that. Virgil’s living here. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, as Somni 451 said. Unfortunately leaving… That led me here. But I love you, our kids. Me? I’ll B Home Virgil

947 Days Without B III, Day 388 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 064 ~Braxton and V Security~

WillLeave a comment

There is no safe place, only safer. But when B was here. That’s when I was safe. B at the corner of the bed, staring through the bedroom door. But he can’t protect me from the next two weeks. Better to focus on E-Day for now. “Braxton and V Security”

Sunday, September 3, 2023

Tale 064 ~Braxton and V Security~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now… and you, ha, and you. You’re a worrywart at best. And a dead man at worst. Thirty-nine.

Now, that is the truth. Who knows? You could get lucky, considering the Day Job. Accidents, people’s general animosity, your anxiety… Hell! You’ll take anything at this point. I mean, have you seen the schedule? If this week doesn’t end in… I don’t know. Hmm. Or rather, you don’t. It’s still pretty early. And at the same time, you should have been up before now. It’s not like your critic cares for words like “Security Guard.” Now, say that in Japanese and see what comes up. Anyway, you’ve been wasting time. And now V. A week like this and B wouldn’t understand what’s happening either. He’d just be eating better. That’s all E-Day meant to him. Not Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Like these Six Impossible Things.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING When Pets Pass Away: A Helpful Guide to… by Emily McQuinn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 030 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 037 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

They didn’t mean anything to me. And they won’t to you either. Except you will be changing number two for this week. You should alter number five since you have no money. But one, what have you been doing all this morning? Yeah, it hasn’t been to do anything with Braxton’s photo albums. Again, “Security Guard.” And two, with all these goals, at the end of the day, it always comes back to survival, existence, and breathing. Those days, Braxton would sit on the corner of the bed guarding the bedroom door. After a while, he would come back to check on me, then back to the door. I was his purpose. Today, you have Virgil and two bad weeks in coming. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Losing a Pet: Coping with the death of your beloved animal
  2. I WILL BE VERY “Lucky” Surviving This Thirty-Ninth E-Day, Welcome To Level 39
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 037 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Your focus, though, should be on getting through this first week. What were you expecting, some sort of earth-shattering idea? I came up with nothing. Uh, don’t touch it? That was the focus of my time. Pretty much. Well, there was being broke, bald, and, of course, the backyard. And Braxton, always Braxton. The two worst days in existence. They both begin with B’s —Braxton’s Death and Your Birth that has become (sigh) E-Day. Virgil has been a bit cuddly, but here’s doing that for him, not you. But V is a child. As a parent, you’re supposed to be here for him, not vice versa. Only Braxton was a brother, a bruiser. He knew security was more than Japanese animation. Braxton and V Security

945 Days Without B III, Day 386 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

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I woke up this morning… and? Do I want a prize, a medal, even another breath. Well, I don’t want that breath for me. If I had my way, um, besides the things I want to do to my wife or to have another cry over my dog, no, my son. Existing. It’ll B Fun, Virgil

Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Tale 059 ~ It’ll B Fun, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so we’re supposed to be having fun. Most holidays work that way. Even the most solemn…

Not that E-Day in any way, shape, or form is a holiday. Before 2021, I would have called it the worst day of my Existence. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Time-Traveling Love. Today is Saturday, August 26, 2023. But you know what day I remain trapped within. Sunday, January 31, 2021, is the new worst day. The day I lost my firstborn son, the prince, pup, and pancake known as Braxton. Then again, I would rather have that day than E-Day. At least then, I wouldn’t be a selfish so-and-so. Psychiatric help, my critic said. If I could only remember the day that Braxton hopped in the car. Or when we were “placed” in our first house. The day he jumped into my arms. That is Love.

Those were causes for celebration. But now I look at the days ahead of me… Well, if anything, if you knew how far along I was talking to you… I mean, for real. Turning thirty-nine. It’s not the least bit funny. But I’m supposed to have fun. It’s more for everyone else, though, I’m afraid to say. I’ve been listening to these meditations on loneliness. I have you, I know. And I won’t dare compare myself to Will Traynor in “Me Before You.” And yet. Paralyzed. Every day, my Love. I keep moving, and at the same time, I’m trapped. Braxton’s still lying in his bed on that table, and I’m holding him, and then you go all Jurassic Park, Love. Life finds a way.

Love will find a way. I have the day we met. Better, the day that I made you my wife. There’s the day I figured I would try being a father again. I look at V and still sigh. I have to question what at all I was thinking. Was/Is it Braxton? He’d know better than to mention E-Day, but yeah… “Daddy, pick that one. I can’t make this more black and white.” 2V and his three little black spots. Comedy comes in 3’s, I heard before, my Love. And how many two-legged kids do we have around here? They want their Daddy happy. It’s not like they’ll pay me half a million for an E-Day I don’t want. You say… It’ll B Fun, Virgil

940 Days Without B III, Day 381 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will