Tale 087 ~Look Out B…Low Virgil~

Braxton would step on my face to wake me in the morning. A reason to stay on top of things like groomer appointments. Now I remember to look at the foot of the bed for V. Has the backyard fence fallen? Don’t Look Down? But then Look Out B…Low Virgil.

Tuesday, September 26, 2023

Tale 087 ~Look Out B…Low Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But does that make up for me being less than 6′? 5′ 5″. And my enormous…

I’m in a randy mood. And also, I’m not a liar. Am I all cried out from Braxton today, hmm? Am I sweating bullets from whatever it is that will break next? Billionaires hate money? Yeah, that made me chuckle. But you don’t have to worry about me getting on a sub or going into space. As much as death… fascinates me. Drowning has to be one of the worst ways to go. And I gave up my astronaut aspirations so many years ago. Madness? Anyway, I’m not talking about Star Wars or Star Trek. You know I’ll obsess somewhat. No. That’s all saved for Braxton. But why am I looking down and not up? Plus, his box is still sitting here on the nightstand.

It was the same when he was alive. B was getting older, sicker, and dying, but I turned a blind eye to it. I mean everything. And then I caught his eye a certain way, and you know the song love. “When the walls come tumblin’ tumblin’ down.” And so it was with my firstborn. But what reminded me of Braxton today… As if I needed reminding, It was the freeloader. Virgil is one of our “children.” Okay, so I took him outside and came back in the house for something. Thirty-nine since E-Day, so forgive me, I’m old. Heading outside… Frightens me for all sorts of reasons. But today, Friday, September 22, 2023, it was the fence in the backyard. It doesn’t look right.

Hell! I haven’t looked right going on 968 and counting. I might fall anytime. Another reason I stay sitting in bed. And that’s not right at all, my love. What’s my Depression doing to our family? You can’t understand what Braxton’s death did to me. My boy always looked up or to the side because that’s where Daddy stays. And how did I reward him? By sending him to Hell? Because I know I’m not going anywhere else, baby girl. And I always like being warm. But can’t my wife’s arms or our children wrapped around my legs do the same? I cry, I throw money, and it’s only a matter of time before the fence finally falls. Cold and alone. Look Out B…Low Virgil

968 Days Without B III, Day 409 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 080 ~Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts~

“You knock me off of my feet, now baby,” or “Take My Breath Away.” When I see a pretty girl, it’s more like Sade’s “Smooth Operator.” But there was when I first saw Braxton. When he died, it was “Song Unsung” Beautiful. Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts

Tuesday, September 19, 2023

Tale 080 ~Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But one of the last things I would buy would be a mirror. Other than Mondays…

My love, I’d shave on Mondays when I had the old Day Job and wouldn’t bother looking into a mirror the rest of the week. How do THEY say… Money can make anyone beautiful. Right? Or should I say white, “right,” in a GOP way? I can’t avoid the ugly. Well, unless I’m crying about my boy. Next to you, Braxton, is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m being honest. Why do you think I stayed out of my “business” when he was around? I have seen angels three times in my existence. I’m not counting the Victoria’s Secret catalog -being young. I’ve mentioned thirty-nine sucks continuously? Anyway, there was the day I buried an angel. I married one. Then you birthed ours.

And it hurts. Heaven help me, it “Hurts Like Hell.” Every day, I fight to keep my eyes closed. And ain’t that a sin? I’ve sung it before and’ll say it again, “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” But why when “There’s so much beauty in the world. I feel like I can’t take it.” “My” critic was telling me today, Sunday, September 17, 2023. I use too many pop culture references. And why don’t I use “my” own words? They are too damn ugly. And so I surround myself with beauty. My dame, dimes, dependents (our children), and death… well, only B III’s. “Live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse,” I read. Stopping his heart couldn’t erase my Braxton’s beauty. I See Fire…

Or rather Braxton’s ashes sitting in a box on the nightstand or the pendant around my throat. Which I’m surprised your hands haven’t found… yet. Or am I your “pretty monster,” as in Tillie Cole’s book Jegudiel? There is beauty everywhere, my love, I know. And for how long now… 961 days, I’ve been searching. No! You’re here, our kids. Dealing with the Rebeccas the first time I saw Virgil. Hell! Seeing Braxton years ago. Love, I say it was love at first sight, but I was so blind to it back then. I guess I am now, but I’m trying. Braxton, the first billion, and the painting Backwards Beauty. It all nearly killed me. “What A Heavenly Way To Die.” Virgil, B…eing Beautiful Hurts.

961 Days Without B III, Day 402 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will