Love Hurts again. And it’s ringing true like Hell’s Bells. Listen to me repeating myself. But this week has been notably more painful, and it’s only Tuesday. B cried on a Wednesday, and by Sunday, he was dead. What Is Love? Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil
Tuesday, March 28, 2023
Saga 270 ~Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil~
Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I’m starting to understand the Squid Game VIPs; I’m not bored. No love, I grieve.
I hope you’re ready because there will be plenty of pop culture references today. From Korean TV to Namor “The Child Without Love.” Sigh. I love the wrong way. There’s that movie “Everything, Everything.” Amandla Stenberg (Homer drool) eek. Do you remember her mother lying to her to keep her safe? Only it was the mom who had issues. B III would have acted like he was okay to keep me “happy,” whatever. The dad did the same thing to Alexa Vega in “REPO: The Genetic Opera.” He made her intentionally sick and locked her away to protect her from the world. But at the same time to never risk losing her. Then there’s Gwyneth Paltrow in Great Expectations, and she knew what her aunt did. She talks about daylight…
The way she was taught to fear love. If you knew how many places my mind could go with talk of love. Hell! Before I can even say it to you, I cry for the first one that I love. I still love Braxton. But I always return to that day. No! That week. Because all there was, was indifference. The more things change, the more they stay the same, my love. I love you. Only I’m doing it wrong. “It’s my heart, and it’s broken,” Finn said. So what can be expected of me? I can give you my definition of love. That’s easy, something like this: The want, need, ability, and desire; to put whatever before yourself. I love you, them, him… Virgil?
But I effing hate me. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done better than my father. How he threatened to kill me. No, asshole! I’ve gone ahead and gotten close. Starvation, dehydration, pills, a gun, everything. When Braxton died, talk about the nail in the coffin. And when I realized Virgil wasn’t him, well… But I have you, our children, Virgil. Today’s last comparison… Will Traynor from “Me Before You.” So that’s how I feel, love. How dare I, right? He was paralyzed. And I would be selfish to leave, but that’s my right, right? And STUPID about my Braxton. But it’s selfish asking you to stay; I love you. Only it’s wrong to love in such ways. I think so Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil.
“What do you usually do?”
“I don’t do anything Miss. Clarke, I sit and just about exist.”
Me Before You
786 Days Without B III, Day 227 of Virgil’s Arrival
BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,