Log 330 ~Silence Of The Will~

I would like for a woman to tell me she loves me, well besides my mother, or my grandmother’s dog way back in “MY” day. The question is, would I ever get such words out myself, especially with everything going on. “Silence Of The Will”

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Log 330 ~Silence Of The Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, do me a favor and ask me how. On one side of the coin, I’m like Yuri Orlov. I never want to keep what I do away from you. If you look at the other I’m Andy Dufresne, I’m a hard man to know. I’ve never seen The Silence of the Lambs, I hear it’s classic.

Have I scared you yet? We’ve discussed things like this from time to time, haven’t we? Pillow talk, like how I can’t stand most crime dramas like that. Give me zombies, sci-fi, sex, as the song goes “Gimme fuel, Gimme fire, Gimme that which I desire. I want to talk to you. At the same time, I want to be quiet, not mad, not upset, not lost. Only to have the silence like some anime character, or like one of those Japanese series. I want to lie in your lap like something out of Gokusen, perhaps. I haven’t thought of that show in ages. It’s a bit funny that as everyone is coming outside, I only want to retreat back into our house. I want to watch films and stream everything under the sun. One more reason we own a private beach. I’m not sorry for any of this, and that’s why I love you.

I tell My Dæmon, every day that I’m sorry… shows what kind of father I am. The thing is he doesn’t understand the words, doesn’t care, but he stays beside me all the time. Without one word, he knows if I’m happy, sad, or angry. Yeah, I keep digging that hole comparing you to our furry son. It could be the fact that again I’m repeating myself from before. The noise of the world coming back alive is getting to me. It’s why my libraries, ladies, and love must be louder. To put it in another way, I love you to DEAF, wouldn’t you say?

No, I’m one for the lame jokes. What’s real is that I Love You. Now I could say that forever with or without the mask. I’ll admit with the Coronavirus (COVID-19) running rampant, it’s easier. Such is my vanity or the need for pain, though I want to be Peeta instead of Gale. Would that make you my Katniss, baby doll? I’ll smile small, eat big, For The Love Of You. Silence Of The Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 323 ~Will, Steal My Sunshine~

Last week I talked some about work, and with the plague year, well, I know I’m in the “control” group, and that can’t be helped. However, even when I have a job I love and the woman I love, I still won’t be eager to go out. “Will, Steal My Sunshine.”

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Log 323 ~Will, Steal My Sunshine~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean it’s time to get back to work? Wasn’t it sometime last week Baby Doll, I was saying I don’t wanna? I’m sorry I must be thinking about the Day Job I had once upon a time. Now that was no fairytale, and while I LOVE what I do now, I want to stay with you. Well, unless you try to take it away, but that’s neither here nor there. I was only looking over my schedule for the week and SIGH. If only I could take you with me and I hope to someday. Duty calls My Love.

The thing is, as the song goes, I got sunshine on a cloudy day. I’m going to be burning up when I get to the studio but not with anger. Yes, I keep thinking about the Day Job, and that’s all there was for me, RAGE. Now “I’m On Fire,” but I want the sunshine you bring. While I bring up celebrities like The Temptations and Bruce Springsteen. Again another song ahem. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life. So you don’t have to wonder why I want to stay here with you. My furry kid, warm bed sheets, and hot as Hell wife. There was a time I was satisfied with only hoodies. Yes, I know I still wear them, and that won’t be changing anytime soon. Always when it comes to you, Baby Girl, what else can I say, you give me Fever, too many songs maybe?

Besides my singing, why all this talk of heat? The days of the plague, Coronavirus (COVID-19). It doesn’t scare me, no, not at all. As a matter of fact, Baby Girl, if you ever want to turn me on, Zombies, Plague Era, and world destruction. One more song, I hope, I’m “George Romero,” and you’re “My Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Survival Fantasy.” A conversation for another time. Only I’m not looking forward to going back out into Hell, the state of our country. How about the one people say I’m going to for doing what I do in life. Could we always crawl back inside the covers and play some video games? Did I suggest that for reals? Well, your husband is a bit of a geek and a book nerd sometimes.

You’re So Damn Hot, okay, this is the last song promise; Will Still My Sunshine.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 316 ~Will FUNDS His Family~

I’ve heard that “some” women brag about their boyfriends/husbands’ jobs, and while I don’t plan on marrying Rochelle, “My man has two jobs!” I will have two, one is my writing and the other… Will FUNDS His Family, for the love of money or simply love

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Log 316 ~Will FUNDS His Family~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Not Walter White, David A. R. White or White in general but nevertheless a billionaire. Well, I’m sorry, My Love I didn’t mean to get all racial, especially considering us. I will say Happy Mother’s Day, being (Sunday) and start over.

AHEM today, I’m more focused on the What, Why, And How of our fortune. It could be too many Handmaid’s Tale videos on YouTube or Desi Lydic Womansplains. Anyway, you’ve often heard me talk about being rich in three things. Babes, Bucks, and Bullets. Of course, those sometimes change to Biology, Bullion, and Bombs. The thing is, I don’t want to be rich in the methods of death but of life. In the Bible, it says something like, “But the greatest of these is love.” To me, you’re priceless, and yet it scares me to keep thinking of a price. As a “young” man, I was taught that a man must be established. If one seeks an Angel, he must build Heaven, and that’s what I’m doing. Everything we have would be nothing without you. Still, I always want more.

It makes me sound greedy. On Christmas, I’m trying not to be Scrooge. I could be Caesar, for I am ambitious, but why not? You should have everything beautiful in the world, and I’m not. Sooner or later, I’ll believe you when you say I’m a good man. For now, I’ll go with these three little words. I love you, of course, but “A Man Provides.” You and our children, you are My Woman, you and they are My Why, and this is My Way. Okay, I’ve never watched Star Wars: The Mandalorian though I’ve invested in Disney by now.

The big question is HOW and we have had the Lord of War conversation. Again I don’t believe in anything to cause harm, and I don’t hide what I do from you. I do as I please. Only as long as my family is living comfortable, I don’t have to live as a fake anymore, and I’m having fun. You have no idea how it felt to keep my “Day Job” trying to provide for me and my firstborn. I could never go back to that. My dream, My Love, My World, you all are one. Once again, I’m Greedy, Lustful, and found my Pride. Thus Will FUNDS His Family.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 309 ~Better Shape Up Will~

Wasn’t it last week I was saying that I missed the music though. Suddenly, well, I don’t know. Maybe I felt the need to get up and dance when I was not playing video games, and did I mention I’m never taking @musclemilk again. “Better Shape Up Will.”

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Log 309 ~Better Shape Up Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so that means I can afford a personal trainer. Now yes, I do everything in excess. So I want a Martial Arts Master, a Marksmen, even a snack Maitre d’, my personal DoorDash. You know I don’t have body issues with myself, though I wouldn’t mind being Magic Mike or Creed. More to the point as the song goes, I only wanna be with you. What, I’ve been sharing my playlists with you forever? Though I will apologize for my latest pastime while in our bed, we’ll get to that today.

The “Circle Circle Dot Dot” from the screen because I haven’t gone and finished Far Cry 5 or Heavy Rain. Hell baby doll, you could say playing The Walking Dead or Plague Inc in bed is my longing to be Close To You. My, My, My, there are better things to do in bed. Still, I miss the Triforce, a bit of a love triangle or triangles considering Final Fantasy VII. I know the Triforce is The Legend of Zelda. If you ever doubt yourself, My Love, I have chosen you over a princess. Please don’t get me started on other characters or my work. As they say, it’s Hip To Be Square or rather a rectangle. If I had my way, nine times out of ten, I want to be in bed reading beside you, amongst other things. I appreciate you letting me give myself to novels I write. Again, we turn to my phone and another game craze sigh Call me a Legend.

In case I don’t tell you enough baby doll, you are my world. Okay, that sounds bad, doesn’t it, but you know what I mean. I want to build my life around you. See, I didn’t immediately go for the song, but you know me well enough that there was one. A friend told me once that I have music for every situation, that I can mold into anything. Sort of like my furry little kid who takes whatever shape he chooses lying in bed. It’s like how I watch you curl around our other children. Like Jeanie in The Handmaid’s Tale singing, I Only Want To Be With You. Speaking of which I Melt With You, right here watching everything on TV My Love.

Still, if I want you forever, Better Shape Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

I haven’t heard a fat lady sing, so this life isn’t over yet… I don’t think so, but to be fair, I haven’t been listening to music lately. Don’t have to block people at work and need to be on guard at Walmart. “Willing DJ Or Band,” my future

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Log 302 ~Willing DJ Or Band~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I burned through my songwriting long ago. Also, I owe my Granddad a hundred bucks, but he said, and I quote, “I don’t know you.” The feeling is mutual, so one less person invited to our wedding. Last week I spoke some about parties and what is a wedding but a celebration of love? As always, I remain a traditionalist so short of a church I want everything a wedding entails. Yeah I’m short groomsmen, My Dæmon is my Best Man, I got my Mom and my sister. Yet here I’m wondering DJ or Band.

The isolation isn’t getting to me but more the lack of music. I’m always listening to something, or so I thought. With no people to block out and nowhere to go well, those voices are fading away. If I want to be sad, here’s a song God Help The Outcasts. Okay, is this going to be a list of my favorite songs? Considering I want to spend my life with you, that will take forever. Still, while I’m on the subject of weddings. I told you about how I still regret not dancing with Indiana Gone at her wedding. Somehow though, I imagine dancing with you on the road to “Drunk On You.” If you asked me to pick our wedding song, though? I’m like a mixture of Howard and Yuri Orlov when it comes to manipulating events. So um, do you want to watch Containment (Katie and Jake) “This Love” or YouTube (Katie and Jake) “If I Lose Myself.”

Okay, back to writing before I start crying; real love songs make me cry Baby Girl heh. I wrote a year’s worth of poetry and added Ellie Goulding’s song “Love Me Like You Do.” Writing is my first love, my firstborn, my second, and you Baby Doll. “You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration.” What about my novel, though, The Eve of a Cherry? Moondust (Stripped) by Jaymes Young, this song is so us when I’m writing. With all those, I love this in one-line, “I’ve buried my love to give the world to you.” The song that explains me and my writing the most though comes from Tupac’s Ghetto Gospel:

“If I upset you don’t stress, never forget
That God isn’t finished with me yet
I feel his hand on my brain
When I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thang” ― Ghetto Gospel, Tupac

Yeah, I’m weird to take a road trip with, right? So what about the question… lightsaber duel, poetry reading but music, Willing DJ Or Band.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 295 ~This Party Will Be~

The day I met my wife should be the happiest day ever, and that was well… how about the day I met my firstborn, or when I met my best friend (human). I’m not one for huge celebrations, but I know the high holy days of women. “This Party Will Be”

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Log 295 ~This Party Will Be~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll benefit from the high holy days. Yeah, I can talk about Christmas, Easter, but what about Valentine’s, Halloween. Oh, to be back in the days of retail, and aren’t I still? I’ve never been one for holidays or celebrations, to be honest. Now don’t you worry, your birthday, our Anniversary, and I already mention Valentine’s Day. I’m the type of man that will bring some flowers for no reason or something shiny. An attempt at distraction perhaps for the days I should be celebrating that I usually dread.

For example, last night and this morning Saturday/Sunday. I was terrified for My Dæmon. I didn’t get a wink of sleep, which explains why I’m running so late today. Nothing is going to happen to me because I got you and the kids. I’ve never cherished every breath though with myself. When it comes to him, though? His life is a celebration. You’ve seen me buy him a mountain of fries on his birthday. My firstborn has been with me for over a decade, and it just shows I should do better. Thirty-five years for myself, and I still don’t want to go out on “My Day.” Let the kids bring breakfast in bed, and I know how I want to spend the night; with you. No singing though, no Happy You Know What. Like Dennis Hof, I might go into “work,” but that day isn’t a good one, but needs are only survivable babydoll.

When I finish writing a book, like I did this weekend, there’s no party. I take a breath and a well-deserved nap. Of course, Camp NaNoWriMo isn’t recording the finish yet. I still have editing to do, but there’s never been a thing for one more novel down. I don’t celebrate when I publish either. Most writers go crazy as in, taking happy pictures and having their family all around. I’ll party when I see the money flow into our account, and I’m sitting on a beach watching you and the kids play. Now that’s my dream. I’m sorry I’m not one for celebrations. My Love. Living is what it is, and as long as we’re happy. I don’t need fireworks, lots of loud people, and as the song goes, “You’re All I Need To Get By.” You didn’t think we’d talk without me breaking out a song or two.

Singing because you know I’m not one for “Movin’ Cool.” I promise I’ll stop, hah, but I didn’t even dance at Indiana Gone’s wedding. That was a good day, and I am happy for her, but I still regret not dancing with her. Now, of course, that explains our wedding, Star Wars meets The Hunger Games. As always, I am a traditionalist, so you know I wanted everything, but I was more for “The After Party,” hah. Baby Girl any day being with you is a good day, and you’re all the fun I’ll ever need, This Party Will Be.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 288 ~Means To A Will~

I’ve never agreed with the sentiment that you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else. I avoid mirror but I look at my furry son every day and if I was looking at someone next to me that decided to share my life? “Means To A Will”

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Log 288 ~Means To A Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but do you want to hear how I did it? On the one hand, I don’t want you to be Ava Fontaine, not caring what I do. I’m not one to keep secrets from those I love, which explains My Dæmon and me, telling him everything.

I’m grateful I don’t have to explain who Ava Fontaine is or the term Dæmon. You see, there was this girl once who said she felt like she knew me and then she stopped talking. I know Baby Girl I can be a lot to deal with, I’m always defining myself. I’m hard to love. There’s no denying at all.

The thing is My Love, you get me, you’re there. When I tell you, “I’ll Be” the greatest fan of your life, I mean it. Obsessive, stalkerish, “I’ll be around” as the song goes, I want to know everything, from your head down to your toes. I did tell you I have a thing about feet, right? Anyway, when I quote a book, other than the question, where’s that from? I need you to know what I’m trying to say. Even if you debate me on it, don’t ask what I am trying to say. You know I hate talking on the phone, but I’m like the President with my pauses. Obama, not Trump, because I won’t lie to you ever. It’s in my silences where I speak the loudest. It could be too much to ask, but I’m not asking you to read my mind but feel in the blanks, you ought know Alanis.

Call it me getting in touch with my feminine side, and if it that offends you, good. It’s not the very first time, nor the last time. The point is you should know I don’t want to hurt you ever, okay, and even in that, I shouldn’t have to explain myself. Baby Doll, I guess I’m feeling alone, and everyone that wants to talk doesn’t get me at all. I love being a father. I love telling beautiful young women what to do. Like Jigsaw, I want people to see as I see. You’re different though, I need you to see me. That too is too much, I know. If I were to say “Stay With Me until the end, please,” You would say “Always.” Now, what game’s that from?

Sigh Means To A Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 281 ~Will’s Feat Of Love~

I would die before I let anyone harm my furry son. Now when I have a bigger family of my own well, I’m already making preparations, I’ve got the house, and I’m getting weapons as they say “all’s fair in love and war.” “Will’s Feat Of Love.”

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Log 281 ~Will’s Feat Of Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I still wouldn’t buy one of those bubble balls for myself. I always remember the distance I traveled, the feet that came after, and the fear of defeat. Love and war as they say. I will say I believe more in the former because the latter would mean to be without you. Now I could go all Final Fantasy X Chappu on you. Yeah, I haven’t been playing many video games in our isolation. I have my other ladylove in life, writing. Only one more way to protect you, Babygirl.

“Chappu also said to me… That being with your girl is good… But keeping Sin far away from her is better.”

Luzzu, Final Fantasy X

For a few days, all I’ve wanted to say is, well, like when we first met. I Want to Hold Your Hand.” Instead, I’m Ethan Hawke, a.k.a. James Sandin from The Purge (2013). I’m checking out all the arsenal, adding on. The weight of such things, the meaning still freaks me out. Then there’s the wait, again I’m reminded of our first date. You won’t like me saying this, but I was sick, stressed out, and you know, silent. The hallmark of our marriage because I’m a hard man to know. Am I scared of dying? Sadly, the answer is still no. But the idea of us never being close, though? How much closer can we get? I see the signs everywhere now. Stay 6 feet apart all the time, and yes, I’m still thinking about that lady yelling at me the other day. There was also Cherry talking about it. What about the businesses that I run every day?

Loving me is like something out of Containment. You’re the Katie to my Jake, and the shower curtain separates us. You’re the Teresa to my Xander, and I want to do right by you, but there’s everything, sickness, other people, your mother. Hmm, that’s a marriage stereotype somehow. I’m Lex, you’re Jana, and I want to keep everything from falling apart. You can see why I love paws so much. Our furry son hates anyone touching them, but still, I walk him, lift him, let him lay wherever. Now I’m being honest, but here’s a secret Love… feet freak me out. Don’t ask me what it is, but I avoid them. It could be seeing the movie Boomerang, I would have been eight when it came out ha. Anyway, living For The Love Of You always. Will’s Feat Of Love.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 274 ~Will My Love End~

I’ve always wanted to believe in unconditional love, love everlasting, and well, I’m kind of greedy when it comes to love. I hoard it like toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and bullets. “Will My Love End,” not if I can help it, please don’t give up on me

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Log 274 ~Will My Love End~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I can probably tell you where I got the first dollar I ever made. When I was a tot, there was a time I believed $300.00 would solve all my problems. I said the words, “if there is any money you’re not using, can I have it?” Besides you, my dæmon, and our other children, I hated when others would touch me. For the almighty dollar, though, I was doling out hugs for profit, which explains my views in business. Anyway, I can remember the first time I “fell in love,” but it’s only been in that which I’m scared it will all someday end.

What would be the proper answer, Babygirl? Love never ends, isn’t that in the Bible somewhere. You know I’m not a man of God though I do have particular views. My Love for the family we have made is indeed endless. Even if I fall in days such as these, and I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so morbid today, possibly. Again during this time, a man has to think of the future. Only I don’t want to be like one of those men who forgets his Anniversary, your birthday, Valentine’s Day. My Olds attempted to raise a man, a southern gentleman at best. Still, I rather forget about how screwed up I was when trying to “court” you. My Love, I choose to forget about my fears even to this very day that one day you might “wake up.” Remember Steve Carell’s wife in Seeking a Friend for the End of the World?

So today I want to be happy sitting here with you watching that film. I want to check on my businesses and having you right by my side. I built this world for us, so I would never have to leave it, but what if we did? I still hate my father, but he is there for my mother, and I will be there for you. If I got infected, bit, or anything, I trust you’ll do the right thing. We could lose our minds together, walk this Earth together, end it together, that’s all I want. If we were ever separated, would I have it in me to find you again? Our atoms like Will to his Lyra, His Dark Materials, a fantastic series.

Never, Will My Love End.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 267 ~Will It Be Easier~

I heard in a movie a man only needs someone to love, a dreamy thought, but I’m still greedy and a bit of a control freak, and am I strange that I figured the end of the world would be different, so this isn’t it. Will It Be Easier

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Log 267 ~Will It Be Easier~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m no hero. In times such as these, there are no capes, but I see the truck drivers. People are working in retail. I still lament my local history for the record shudders. My Love, there are doctors. It’s only day two of us being in, well besides to let all the kids out. We’ve seen the restaurants, though. I’m sure the farmers are still at it. The garbagemen are working, and do we have neighbors? There are helpers all around us, but as always, I want so much more.

I thank them all but why couldn’t I have met you sooner. I’ll admit I haven’t read much these days, but I remember. If The Hunger Games, Divergent, Article 5 have taught me anything. There is always a 17-year-old girl, waiting to save us. Ask me again, why are daughters got named Katniss, Tris, and Ember? Hoping they take after you, baby doll. At the same time, a man like me dates way out of his league. You’re the Maggie to my Glenn, the Red to my 10K, my Alicia Clark. I’m Christian Grey enough to admit I have a thing for brunettes. Still, I only have eyes for you, and maybe that’s why the world doesn’t look so bleak. Why there is no place that I would rather be than home. There’s a method to my madness, my anxiety wanting everything under our roof.

It’s also easier to write about things other than the end of the world. I don’t think this is strange enough. Yet, most of my stories involve a man locked in with a bunch of beautiful women. I didn’t see my wife and kids being in the cards but call it karma. So about the question, will it be easier? Besides Indiana Gone, you’re the only woman that knows about how serious I take The Walking Dead. What about Fear TWD, Z Nation, Contagion, Containment, pretty much anything George Romero? I guess I’m also thinking about Jericho, with people arming up, but like I said two days of isolation so far. SIGH, would it be easier escaping all the voices, would the words I love you be enough? Again I’m greedy. I want to share with Indiana Gone, her hubby, and kids, all our friends.

With so much love, baby girl, Will It Be Easier?

I Will Have No Fear