Log 287 ~Your Words Must Pick Sides~

Don’t say it, and I wish it was something like “Cowabunga.” My Olds spent much of my life telling me not to talk, and when I grew up making me speak, but I didn’t want to sound like them. I want my words to choose me. Your Words Must Pick Sides.

Monday, April 13, 2020

Log 287 ~Your Words Must Pick Sides~

Hundred And Thirty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now because my words chose me here and now. At least I wish because they didn’t last night; two hundred words for, The Eve of a Cherry. What was I talking about last night? Yes, my tongue remained silent as I was ripped apart by the world. It reminds me of something I’ve heard from the Bible. The sins of the fathers will be visited upon the children or something like that. I’m still not a Christian man, but I am the son of one. My “Father’s” words became the world’s words, and then my own Madam Justice.

“The mistakes of our fathers make us fight our brothers.”

Again, left off from yesterday, I pick the worst words hoping once written down, they’ll take mine. The things I say to hurt myself. I remember the book Sick Fux by Tillie Cole. Evil words Rabbit and Dolly used to pleasure themselves in bed together. They were the words of those who ravished them. Madam Justice, I again practice gratitude that I never knew such horrors. Still, when one knows a monster’s pain, how dare anyone ask me to rise above. Right there, why do I immediately fall from Man to Monster? I had one of those and a good Mother, and so I became ME. I’m always trying to define myself. These words, Madam Justice, they have power, I know. So what am I doing with such force when I’m not destroying myself daily?

I wish I spoke with more kindness and love when it comes to My Dæmon. Every morning I begin with one word, “NO.” At this rate, I should consider SLEEP a holy writ for myself. Of course, neither of those words help me in the slightest. Who else do I speak to nowadays? Marianne Engel from The Gargoyle had the stone, and I have the screen, but I understand her shackles. The great labors to form her grotesques. Here I haven’t even begun my work, too busy talking to you. That’s not a dig, it was only a decision when I needed to get out of bed. If anything, I want to believe in my words. To have that freedom, but they are sitting in limbo as the song goes. Haven’t I shown on more than one occasion my willingness to destroy them, quickly enough?

Misguided, misanthropic, and missing to become decided, disgusted, and discarded. Your Words Must Pick Sides.

“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth” – African proverb.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 282 ~Will To Be Different~

Worse advice I’ve ever received, be yourself, the best advice is the same, and I haven’t erased such speeches from my motivations yet. People don’t want me to be myself, they want me to be a particular version, and so I try. Will To Be Different

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Log 282 ~Will To Be Different~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Unless I invested in the WWE or my porno fixation. How about I buy-in with that drug Trump’s hocking? For now, the only number I’m “obsessed” with is how long I’ve kept it in my pants. Well’s there an App, of course, but a friend introduced me to a much better one. I still hate Math, but numbers, time, word counts, lists make me feel better. So as per usual, anything that makes me feel good is wrong or at least different, so here we go.

Inspector Echo, you know that gun I just bought that’s freaking me out? To quote the movie Snowpiercer (2013), “They’ve got no bullets!” Now it’s not like the store was out entirely, but I lacked the courage to pick some or gasps ask. I wish I could tell you that’s the only reason, I haven’t been sleeping, I did order some Saturday night though. Why I’m not sleeping, well Girls, Girls, Girls. From Whitney Wright to Lily Bowman, Little Lupe, the list goes on. I’m amazed I’ve lasted at present (8 days, 21 hr, 57 min, and 15 sec). I’ve mentioned FEAR, or let’s say general embarrassment, and you know what I’ve been harping over. It’s that lady that was yelling at me because I have to grow accustomed to the Coronavirus (COVID-19) world. Even in a blooming apocalypse, I continue to be the odd man out; give me zombies.

Well, even if the universe did, would I be upset that I was alive instead of dead? I would go get myself bitten because I don’t like how the Walkers are looking at me. I’m not scared of getting sick, I fear not having a mask and looking out of place. How messed up is that? Not more than writing a book that no one will ever read. I’ve written 10,000 more words for The Eve of Cherry, and not one of them will be published. Only I keep on writing about a wide arrange of girls I’m not with. My hands aren’t in my pants, so isn’t that a win. Win William Bridgman, one of my protagonists or antagonists, I’m not sure. It’s like trying to count up how many “adult” scenes I’ve written out. How many people side with sex over some murders?

I’m sorry, Inspector Echo, such fears Will To Be Different.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 275 ~Words Will Be Infectious~

I’m sick, and no, not with “the beverage” as Tony Baler puts it, I’m sick of words, Grammarly, my novella’s, what the Day Job has to say, “indefinitely.” Now I have all the time in the world to write. Words Will Be Infectious

Wednesday, April 01, 2020

Log 275 ~Words Will Be Infectious~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which would mean I am a ghost. Now I’m not considering that I’ll die, and all my work will make my Dæmon, my Olds, and little sister wealthy. You know how I plan to make my money, and people won’t be paying to see me ever. I want to be Dennis Hof, but even now, I doubt I could ever be that open. The good news is you can’t with the Coronavirus (COVID-19) going around. Okay, so the bad news is I have more time to work on editing my novella, The Eve of a Cherry.

You’re saying, “Hol’ Up A Minute!” isn’t this Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse? One of these days, I’ll tell her the story of Pontypool Changes Everything. Anyway, I want to talk about, well, let’s start with “swear words.” Long story short, I think they are crass, but every word has its time and place. So that gets me back into why it takes me a while to talk to you, Inspector Echo. As I said, I’ve been working on The Eve of a Cherry, and do you want to know what I think about it? See, I don’t even want to put that out into the world. Okay, so with things I don’t want to put out into the world, texts, and emails from work. I won’t lie, and so the sin apparent is, I’m afraid to check. How often have I said I hate the Day Job? You know it’s needed.

I talked about being a Beta Reader once upon a time. For right now it’s directions, I don’t know if I’m just “me” or people are bad at giving them. Still, I listen, I’ve screwed up no less than three times today. If it’s not other people, I can’t follow the instructions I give myself. Didn’t I say I would wake up on time, shouldn’t I have gone to the store. Even this second, I should be reading but worrying about the Day Job. See now would be an excellent time to swear, but I’m still practicing self-censorship. Yeah, watch me share my novella with Cherry, and I’ll get arrested. I’m not worried about the Coronavirus, to be honest, but more so how the story will know remembrance one day.

It’s not the people or Dæmon, only the words, I’m Sorry; Words Will Be Infectious.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 266 ~Don’t Do Better, Be Better~

I made it to the table, I sat right there to write, and I said today I will do better than yesterday, cut to waking up at 3:00PM trying not to stare at girls until five, maybe do some reading ha. “Don’t Do Better, Be Better.”

Monday, March 23, 2020

Log 266 ~Don’t Do Better, Be Better~

Hundred And Twenty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which makes me better than you. A lie if I ever heard one, but what the world teaches, or is that what they call “The American Dream?” You must excuse me for turning on the politics and make no mistake I’m proud to be an American. The thing is though my country hasn’t done much, especially now to show what makes us good, better, or best. Madam Justice, as I sat at the dining room table, not writing (600 Words BARELY). I was much like Rapunzel from the movie Tangled, um okay.

“I am a despicable human being!” – Rapunzel, Tangled (2010)

Let’s begin as I always do with my Six Impossible Things, which is still about being a better man. It’s not Thursday (Saturday Actually), and I have a stomachache for a “particular” reason. Madam Justice, if I do use toilet paper, it will be for another mess. I could say my writing is worse. All these days are blending as my composing is Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse. Anyway, I was creating another character and what did Rapunzel say again. Still, on the subject of not going anywhere, I’m not much of a homeowner either, nor at all, my Olds have the mortgage. Well, besides finally hearing from my Mom, the back porch had a bit of a meltdown. I haven’t bothered to clean up all the dirt though My Dæmon got his walk. Of course, I make lists Sunday, but here is a couple to ponder.

Random Problems:

  1. Dang Humming in the Den
  2. Toilet Seat, half-bath
  3. Water Filter
  4. Roof Repair
  5. Second Car
  6. Clean the house
  7. Broken Drawer
  8. Norton

Novella Characters (At Present):

  1. Cherry Roslyn Fae
  2. Anna Cecilia Fae
  3. Caitlin Grace Clayborn
  4. Rini Aubrie Westfall
  5. River Nelle McKinney – “Debbie” The Cheerleaders (1973) Brandy Woods
  6. Amorette Anissa Lucita – Alahna Ly
  7. Cade Xavier Cosgrove
  8. Win William Bridgman – Me

Now, of course, you’re asking me what does any of this have to do with today’s rule. A good man would fix what is wrong with his HOME, isn’t that what this should be Madam Justice. A better one would have typed out 5000 words today. The Best Man wouldn’t destroy these characters and my shame at naming five of them. I sit beneath the covers saying tomorrow, DO IT, which means NEVER. Well, at least according to my motivations.

Don’t Do Better, Be Better.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 259 ~Words Chosen Carefully Are Best~

Well, perhaps my greatest weapon is silence. People think I’m STUPID when most days it’s how not to go to jail and then I come here and what do I say, here you go officer Exhibit A and lying? “Words Chosen Carefully Are Best”

Monday, March 16, 2020

Log 259 ~Words Chosen Carefully Are Best~

Hundred And Twenty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but rich people trust everyone else to be STUPID. My apologies for using that word again and for thinking it ever. The truth though Madam Justice, well what is right or fact. I want to talk about my words, but then the question is, who am I?

How I like to think I pick my words for a purpose, but over the past few days, it has only been a jumble. For some time now, I look at my words like I’ll be played out to Exit Music (For A Film), my “dang” fingers and dirty mind.

Let’s start there with my trying not to swear. Don’t get me wrong; there will be a time and place for it, Madam Justice. I’ve heard people talk about foul language as a sign of high intelligence. I still find it crass and tacky unless in the right context or you’re a hot Irish girl, thank you, Katie O’Shaughnessy. Speaking of women, I see myself talking one of three ways, one as “Beggin.” The second is logical; I got money, and what do I spend that money on, WOMEN. Third, a man should be a man. I’m a Dominant for God’s sake. Only how many times have I got in trouble for being direct, forward, aggressive, dangerous? The internet seems to think so too, can I look up anything that can’t find it’s way into sex? Today (Saturday Morning), I had to write down exactly what I was doing to keep focus. I would say I should make a grocery list, but yeah, the store.

What’s the word they’re using now, um Pandemic. I talk about it being the Plague Era, and I’m not afraid. Well, I’m still joking, but I haven’t ever seen Walmart like that. I continue to use the word “excited” because I am, I built worlds off of an apocalypse. Someone could discover Audible from my stories someday, I wonder. Don’t get me wrong; I still like Audible, but it’s hard sometimes because I get so caught up in the story. Yeah, it’s pretty strange, huh I can’t keep it in my pants, I’m still hearing Rainey moaning away “Daddy.” Last is my son, who can say what he wants and knows I’ll always listen close. Three words, I Love You otherwise I’d never know them. What else can I say? Words Chosen Carefully Are Best.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 185 ~Ink And Drive Will~

Reasons I would get a tattoo, one for B III, to show I’m a survivor even as “Ill Will,” or for a pretty girl, and which one have I done this week; how about why I’m a writer, spend more time with my kid, making a living, and girls. Ink And Drive Will

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Episode 185 ~Ink And Drive Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, keep your fucking mouth shut, as always Inspector Echo “language” but between you and me FUCK is turning out to be the word of the year, so far, my power, my pleasure, my pain. If I’m going to start quoting songs why not Joy & Pain because I’ve been feeling a lot of that already and while this song reminds me of my aunt it doesn’t bother me unlike a few other words hurting like Hell.

You see words cost Inspector Echo, I’m a writer so I should understand this more than most, but as for why I don’t speak most of the time, of course, the first reason is FEAR because more often than not it drives me. As I said FUCK has been on my tongue in both good and bad ways, but mostly it’s because I’ve made a mistake and others well, I can’t help myself seeing where I have succeeded… especially where that MILF is concerned. FORGET, what that I’m skeevy… in the past, one of these days, how about the gentleman I want to be, I’m free to let the dominant out, how about all common sense but is it a sin for a man to give in to primal urges?

Writing I believe gives us more time to think, and that’s the thing I don’t know what I was thinking or that she and others might give in, hell I was scared to write to one Milf, and then another was willing not DTF but still. I’ll tell you this, when its numbers and not words, well both go pretty fast, so maybe I shouldn’t count that as a sin either, less money means I need to write plenty more and I’m not one of those guys who decided clicks over chicks. So honestly Inspector Echo have I committed any sins, and I mean it is Wednesday, but drugs are an addiction, alcohol, and of course women, and if it’s in texts, giving my word, or the ink on her skin I’m riding pretty high.

As I said words all come with a price tag, and I am willing to pay, with my time, my money, my name, but they can also be an investment, I could be sitting on a goldmine maybe? As always though I need forgiveness Inspector Echo, I’ve been writing with my penis since the start of this year, how about things I would never say with my mouth, end up in texts and stories. The fact that it’s so hard to forget because well I’m so hard but if you saw this Milf Inspector Echo, damn Ink And Drive Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

Get well soon, nope, usually, it’s better to get Will soon, whether it be a fight at work, a reason to be fired, or some other calamity but the question is who will I be tomorrow, and who cares to know. All Will Be Will.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, yet I Stay here with you, for a little while longer and I don’t worry, more like a wish that all will be Will… yeah for a writer, I’m sure many an English teacher will have a field day with that. I’ve done worst in English classes, ask me about my freshman year in junior college one day but I close my eyes, and I know all will be well if I can be the man you always love every day.

If I can be the man that everyday kisses all of my children’s heads and tells my furry little firstborn “good puppy, good puppy, be good puppy *gives him a treat* I’ll be back, I love you, be a good puppy, make good decisions, always make good decisions.” Could I say the same for myself as you kiss me goodbye, is there anything better to stop my words whether they be angry, negative, or complicated as people seem to find them and that’s when they come at all. Is there a better way to keep a smile on my face, the needs of the many as they say but For The Love Of You, I want to be me all of the time, even when I can’t see him, I still don’t like mirrors much.

Is it strange that I don’t like first person shooters either but “Far Cry 5”… I learn but my point is when I’m leaving, and I’ll never bow to any religion but I pray for my son, and now I pray for you as well and my other children; I believe, I know you’ll be Alright. Again I don’t feel that way most days, people ask me how I’m doing and I find that question so freaking annoying because people don’t care, so I say “another day,” and when I realize at work, I won’t feel my rage. When I’m out in the world and don’t rattle, or when the average person doesn’t leave me with the look of “REALLY” on my face. So I come back to you, and I’ll always ask how your day is going, but you don’t need to ask me, I know you care too but how was my day, how am I doing, how do I feel right now?

I want to feel like Will, I want to love my family, I want to know I have everything I need and I get out of bed not because I’m in a hurry, but because hell maybe Shakespeare had it right, parting is such sweet sorrow and knowing me that’s the only sadness I’ll cater to. I want to kill… for fun, Far Cry 5, Detroit Become Human, Fallout 4, getting around holiday time. Yeah, I can be a monster, trying to be an Eagle surrounded by turkeys, and as far as the Santa Claus question *sigh* we’ll get to it, me and my motivations; when I love you will do, all will be well and All Will Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 072 ~One Willing Word Maybe~

When somebody laughs at me I want to punch them in the face (yeah that’s kindness) when a pretty girl flirts, is it wrong to think about wanting to kiss her, and when someone says they love me well… One Willing Word

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Episode 072 ~One Willing Word Maybe~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to say I’m sorry because I’m sure I will be, probably more than I’d like but there are some things in this life you can’t control, and for everything else, there could be an apology. That’s why mine will be the genuine article, I’m not sorry you got stuck in traffic, it sucks when people at work are assholes, it’s not super when this that or the other happens, but I am sorry I can’t make it go away for you my love.

Like when I tell you You’re Beautiful, do you think I sing that out to every girl I ever knew before; sure when I began writing it was To All Of You and my pages were my wings, how best to reach an angel. Then I found you, and that is when I discovered my voice again, you made me brave enough to say such things, so when I say such a thing to you, there aren’t many that can say I was willing to give them a word that held all that I am. Beautiful, I’ll call you that a million times over, I’ll show you in every way that I can along with Love And Happiness. However, we choose to define such things because there will always be such things as pain, hurt.

Now my mother never taught me that, if you can’t say something nice but when I am quiet when my words don’t come, well you know more than anyone that I will lose myself in music. Again I will lose myself to writing because how could I ever speak a word that would cause you heartache, What Kind Of Man Would I Be to utter a terrible sentiment to the one that I adore? My father taught me to despise lies because you only do that to the people who you hate, he would know more than most. Then what about our children love? No I don’t hate them what I mean is Santa, pain, what about all of life?

I suppose that will be kindness, to protect them for as long as we can from a world that is full of lies and hungry for the truth. So when I say I love you and them, when I call you my own, when I read them stories, I don’t want to open my mouth out of ignorance or fear. It might take a little while, it may involve me finding such words as courage, discipline, wisdom, because I refuse to be one more stupid man, you deserve better than that and with a yes, with I love you, when you Stay With Me, without a word, your name becomes my One Willing Word Maybe.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

The first post of the next 365 Days, has anybody said NO yet, well probably my mind between work and having something to say that hopefully won’t get me kicked out, banned, or arrested, where is the line? Whose Right To Censor You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

Thirty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to keep my mouth shut, trust me I say some pretty nasty, vile, demented, perverted, depraved… I could continue, but I would eventually end with stupid or skeevy; and a happy new year to you too. Even when I’m sweet, I often end up as creepy, and since people will believe and hear whatever they want, what’s wrong with The Sound Of Silence I ask, instead of the visible title honestly.

I should start by taking responsibility but it’s hard Madam Justice, I don’t mean to get all political at the start of the new year but when the “PRESIDENT” of the United States of America can say such horrible things, and I call a girl beautiful… I came up with a new “Rule 290: Apparently, Models Do Have Standards,” and I know what’s past is past but calling a girl a Brazzers or Reality Kings model is different than let’s say… hell if I know Victoria’s Secret, Maxim, Playboy, I like beautiful women. The thing is again that’s against the law unless you have money, a handsome face, the confidence, or the intelligence which is telling me to say nothing.

Even with my writing, how many people have asked me what I write about and I can’t tell them because, well I would go Fahrenheit 451 on my work, but I would fight to defend others without a second thought. I thought this was America am I right so why must I censor myself, and maybe that’s why my current novel is all about fire, the things you realize or am I In Too Deep. No wonder I hate myself more often than not, like something out of Jumanji wanting to avoid not being my father and when in reality I hold my tongue and avoid speaking my mind because I don’t want to scare anybody including my little boy.

One man told me I was stupid and to shut up, a girl told me I was creepy, another said I was skeevy, another two said I’m great, but they don’t truly understand; shall I let the whole damn world stomp on my face? What about God, I take pride that I don’t need other people’s imaginary friend to tell me not to lie, cheat, steal, and murder but I can’t even talk about it, write about it, or picture it, worth a thousand words.

Anyway the answer is no one has the right, and yet at this moment in time I am breaking this rule; what would I write if I know I would be read, what would I say if I had no fear, I’m my judge, jury, and executioner and I burn; Whose Right To Censor You?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 350 ~A Black Magic Worry~

Magic, Day Job, Al Bundy, Fear, Words, Humanity, Desperation, Friendship, Vices, Faith, Therapy, Lesson, Journal, Lady Lu, Will Bradford Jr.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Lesson 350 ~A Black Magic Worry~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, if this was Hell and you were a goddess I would say no… do you see what happens when you get the answers you seek, and though this isn’t Hell per se and I like to think of you as only a girl, you’re getting pretty close. Two more worries but maybe that’s the wrong word, the right one as always is Fear and Lady Luna I am afraid of what’s next.

With everything that has happened this week the fact that I have lost my faith in magic should “worry” me more or at least I thought I had until last night, I made not have faith in God but how often have I found a friend in Satan. I said to “Okay” if I could know anything it would be the time of my death and even now that seems considerably better than what I do know; “Cherry” did a Tarot Reading and said that a change was coming in my job. A horrible shift though she didn’t know all that and I already feel stupid for how I’m taking this, but I am idiotic regardless, come not this week but the next, I’m Al Bundy, I’m Alone With Doggie.

Two full days of working in the Shoe Department, now my anxiety nearly got the best of me and like when Negan was hiding from the dead I almost “rubbed one out” so I could calm down. Sex or masturbation always helps me sleep, mindless violence revs me up, drugs can keep me grounded, and pain; I’m no cutter, but actual kicking and punching inanimate objects brings me focus. There’s also the idea of burying this great fear under an avalanche of worry, all the work that I need to do, losing another friend on Facebook, I don’t think “Psychopath’s Prey” is helping with that and what about that photo of “Eileen Kelly” almost like finding “Little Lupe” once again.

If I had never got that Tarot Reading what would I think today, would I blame my stupidity in making my schedule, perhaps I have some enemy I don’t know about, you know I have to protect my “Energy” or is it my time for this shit? Talk about motivation, because other than my dog sadly I think I’ve had a somewhat decent week but today I have to “Hold On,” A Black Magic Worry.

I Will Have No Fear