Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

Last week I had no idea I’d be here. It’s Sunday while I’m writing this but ask me what I wish. Come this time Wednesday, I’ll be right here. My furry Imp napping, finally posting this, with YouTube in the background. We Will Go Home, I believe.

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but honest to God, I would give it all up to be right here. What in the grand ole U.S. of A? I haven’t forgotten that today is Inauguration Day. You’ll have to forgive me for being a selfish S.O.B., not new. How about time-travel, hmm? It’s still Sunday, so I have traveled now three days into the future. Why. That’s the thing I can’t tell you, I’m not STUPID. I also know the laws better than Trump. Ok, at least I have the decency to look them up, unlike some.

Now, did I really say that I would give up a billion dollars to be in bed? Well, at the moment, on the loveseat in my den, going crazy with worry. I swear Inspector Echo, I haven’t written this much in ages and why. You know I can never do good, so yeah, Great Fear. It’s a Fear that I can’t share even with you and the girls. I’ve talked to Madam Justice, Dear Future Wife, and now you, again on a Sunday. I’m sorry to say, writing, blogging, yeah, graffiti with punctuation, doesn’t feel much like home. A rush to judgment, um, ok, yep. I might as well be sitting inside a prison already. If I’m here come Wednesday, I’ll still be scared. When I got carted off to detention so many years ago, geez. To think that would be my life for who knows how long and then like that, I was free.

Call it scared straight, Echo? I think I even gave my life to God at one point, eww. Who was it that said, a man facing a noose will do whatever to save his neck? Now back with my Olds, ok beat anything I ever knew of the Heaven, Paradise. So many names and such. However, I’m going to Hell one way or another. If I wanted to do good, and I mean now, make the world a better place, I know what I should do. You see something, say something. Trump didn’t call the F.B.I. and Inspector; let’s say we know our countries well. I want to congratulate President Biden and Vice-President Harris. Yet come this time Wednesday, I want to be here, the country at war or not. I’d take Status Quo Freedom.

Detention, Studio, Olds, or Day Job. We Will Go Home

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

A round of applause to the alarm clock, but you want to know what got me up this morning? Nope, and if I told the whole truth, well, I’d be as bad as whoever looked up such and such on my blog, finding nothing. “Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will”

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that can be forgiven or buys forgiveness. At the very least makes people forgetful. Of course, I apologize to you, my Dæmon, one day I should add my mother. Hell, sometimes I think about the whole world for being an addict. So what am I addicted to? What would I know about it in the first place? If anything, what am I sorry for today? Oh, let me add one more AHEM; why can’t I forgive myself? I should be thrilled right that I actually got up at 4:00 AM.

How did I spend the first forty minutes? Inspector Echo, it’s like keeping a bottle in the house. The man who tucks a cigarette behind his ear “JIC” (Just In Case). I’m like Pookie in New Jack City. Wanting to do good but putting me in a room with… everything. Inspector, I tell you all the time it’s how I want to spend my life. I want to produce stories, movies, “inspirations” like I’ve been looking up all morning. God, I want businesses that employ the likes of Alice Little and Jill Kassidy. The idea of that starts every morning. Jesus, it’s what I have to think of to keep from falling back asleep. It’s not that I don’t love reading, which I did after those first forty minutes. Now didn’t I say I love money, but that didn’t keep me at the Day Job for two more hours now, did it? I am incorrigible.

Only again, I keep saying it could be worse. Being 19 days in, I’m heading into my angry stage. You stay clean the first week, and it does get easier, but yeah, I’m still lost. So why am I laying all the guilt on now? Bringing up Alice Little, I’m still upset about her case. Now it could be the fact that, as you know, I’ve been cleaning out my phone. Then I found pictures of such and such. I did talk about A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. Jeffery is still lamenting about the passing of his son Galen. Dammit, I could be keeping busy. Reading up on the loss of Alice’s livelihood. I should have headed her way long ago. Instead, I’m sick and twisted with many ideas.

At least it’s not Covid or drugs; still, I’m… remember positivity, Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Being a black man in America, I’m not a statistic… I got up early, six instead of ten, you can thank my furbaby for that. The stimulus came through yesterday but besides my kid, my day job, and car people where’s the money going? Don’t Count On Will.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which must mean I hate you. Well, I don’t think that way about you, Inspector Echo, or any of the other girls. Okay, so the Man in the Mirror, but as I’ve been saying ad nauseam, it’s a New Year. I’m working on myself… I’m trying.
The thing is, I’m asking myself, am I too late? If it isn’t the money, then it’s been my age these days. I’m 36, and if I were to tell you all the things I haven’t done, even this morning. As the song goes, “Time, time, time. See what’s become of me.” Money, Age, Time…

I could wrap that all around my favorite subject in the whole wide world. Well, after my Dæmon, of course. Looks like my Imp’s going to get that vet appointment anyway. Geez, right after I got my stimulus payment. Republican Idiocracy tendencies, “I Like Money.”

Okay, so my favorite subject, I swear I have missed out on so much. When it comes to… well, how do I say this and remain a nice guy? Again I support artists and, in the same breath, thieves. Even with the motherlode of “artwork,” I’ve I miss out on galleries, gathering, and grabbing up all I can. Do you remember after the last Pinterest Suspension/Purge, I was upset about a specific board I lost? I found a few pieces of it the other day but not the whole thing. I would say I find nothing more annoying but that would make me a liar. It’s like finding the perfect “movie” and not being able to download it. How about what happened to such and such a website? What about being so anxious for something and then having it snatched away with fear? Mine… hers?

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.’” Cloud Atlas

I feel like Nicolas Cage/Yuri Orlov; I’m always five minutes too early or five minutes late. Being black, I was taught to be early always. As for being a man, I was taught “nice guys finish last” (12 Days, fingers crossed). I’m forever a day late, a dollar short, that is if I want something. I hate being late for the Day Job. Now I love my Dæmon like pancakes, but I got out of bed not by “force of will” but because my son needed me, meds, cleaning, potty.

Hate has my number, but love… Don’t Count On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

One day I swear I’m going to sit in a room and type all day, pocket my cash, and send an army of mercs to silence anybody sending me spam… well, that got dark pretty quickly. “Humiliation’s A Number Will,” and next year I want it to be zero

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Gospel 182 ~Humiliation’s A Number Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so um, I still hate Math? Considering I’ve taken no sick days or vacation days. There’s the concept of dinner around here, becoming a big event. I have a yearly eye exam, which is the extent of my medical care. Yep, I still hate my teeth. Okay, say it with me, “This Is America,” how about I am a “Real American.” You’ll have to excuse me, Inspector Echo. The Stimulus Talk and my usual complaints, numbers have been on my brain. With enough cash, humiliation doesn’t matter, enough not to count.

Let’s start with me and My Dæmon. I’m 36, goddammit, my son’s 15. Now I’m trying to stay clean, Inspector Echo when I talk to you, but I’ll put the question out there. When’s the last time I’ve had sex? Meanwhile is the Dæmon living the life, meds, food, yes… However, he could have more, but where’s the money going? Let’s say I’m “supporting” three artists. Depends on how you define art. I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent on the random “expressions.” Or how about the money that went towards “Capital A” SIGH. Well, make more money, you say; how long have I been at the Day Job? Nine years, Inspector, taking orders. And each and every day there, I’m either depressed, destructive or damned. What about all the money I paid to not publish a book now?

I mentioned Capital A, but how many women have stopped talking to me this year alone? I’m going to say three, but even that’s a shot in the dark. Better to keep my mouth shut, but tomorrow, of course, is The Closing of the Year. Pop Culture is much served. While fighting off my addictions. You know within Six Impossible Things, “5 Days” so far. Doing everything to keep my mind occupied, and you see how that’s going. Remember, I had to wipe my phone of such and such, still leaving six thousand pictures altogether. Again I think about writing three NaNoWriMos between two camps and November. Four hundred words daily for the year is around 146,000 or nearly three NaNoWriMos. Not one dollar earned doing what I love still.

Before I forget, two Pinterest accounts are gone. Another “explicit” account wrecked. More sugar daddy/momma accounts blocked between Whisper and Goodreads. Big numbers Inspector Echo still Humiliation’s A Number Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 175 ~Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday…~

Every day, “How are you,” another day, even with Emergence, or Free Candy, and what about Christmas. When I get massive amounts of green one day, I’d like to think I can afford to bring a tree inside. I can now but Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday yep

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Gospel 175 ~Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday…~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now and still making one more dollar cue Homer drool. Now you know I’m not one for the holidays. Long story short, PEOPLE. During this time of the year, you might call me Mr. Grinch, Scrooge, or “Cross.” Didn’t care for “Scrooged.” Bless Indiana Gone for trying her best. She did send me a Christmas card. Now don’t tell her I told you, but she did forget about MY “Emergence Day.” Okay, so that’s the point, hmm. I never tell anyone. Hers is Star Wars Day, oh, um, a good holiday ha.

Anyway, so I say people, but I should also say with money, things get complicated. Take now, It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, as they say. Yesterday I envisioned the Christmastime I hope to share with my family someday. Okay, one day, motivations. However, I shared the truth of my current situation. There isn’t a tree up, no lights, no wrapped gifts, we’ll get to that. There isn’t any “Roast Beast” in the fridge. Truth is, I’m still living, for the most part, with leftover Turkey. I don’t mean to complain so much. Inspector Echo, I have money. Is it all this talk in the news lately about stimulus this and that? The idea that I’m beginning to believe Serra Hyundai (assholes) pardon my French has been lying to me. My biggest shame is that I haven’t even bought my Dæmon a gift.

I shouldn’t talk about gifts because that reminds me of Emergence Day. Hell, I should probably put Gears of War on my Wish List. Okay, you already know that Emergence Day is the worst day of my life, and it’s why I spend most of it in hiding, hating life. Now, if I cared to make a list of worst holidays, after Emergence and Christmas would be Valentine’s Day. What, am I trying to be in love at some point. And again, I’m not exactly buying gifts, AHEM, two. Let’s not put women and any money in the same idea. Where will that lead to? Besides wanting a family and what about taking kids to trick or treat. I don’t need little monsters at my door when kids scare the crap out of me anyway.

So I’m keeping people away and money in my pocket. I don’t need the ghosts for Payday, Will’s Favorite Holiday.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 168 ~Will Finds That Alarming~

Last week was about taking it easy, and I still am, but I want to wake up and actually do something. I mean, besides reading Dani Wyatt (nothing against her). Or clean out my phone, 6000 photos and 98% of them are… Will Finds That Alarming.

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Gospel 168 ~Will Finds That Alarming~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and the idea of making more money never gets old. If I ever had that much, I would do right by my mom. Happy Birthday, Mom! Not that I’ll ever let her read this, but I will have to text her sometime today. Being Wayward Progeny. Now that would be a cool band name. Good ideas like making money are terrific, yet they don’t keep me awake. So my first sin for today. When I have to go to the Day Job, I set five different alarms. On days like this, I start one, and here we are again, talking late.

Okay, so it’s Ten A.M., but you know our conversation won’t be over by Eleven. No, I’m going to work on something I like, and it’s not writing. Yes, “that thing,” and I’m getting dangerously close to the edge. Let’s say I’m cleaning out my phone. The last time… sigh. Speaking of both good and bad things. Eric Vall’s books keep me awake, but it’s the holidays. Now, as I was waiting for my Dæmon to wake up, I began another Christmas story from Dani Wyatt. Um, There are far too many holidays to make this a big deal. Inspector Echo, I need to stop with certain trigger words. Again there is something else that will wake me up most mornings and keep me going far into the night. One more reason I want to make it my life’s work. I wouldn’t waste a second of getting to live life.

Not in FEAR. There was an upheaval a few days ago. I swear, I thought I had been hacked, but many of the users I saw reported the same thing. Besides the Day Job, my Dæmon’s life, so many secrets, breaking my SIX. Geez, there’s so much, too much FEAR. Hell, just now, I heard a sound downstairs, so I grabbed my “steel” and went to investigate. Every time I even touch that gun, it scares me for three reasons:

  1. I don’t like having it around.
  2. I like the feel of it, and I want more guns.
  3. I’m getting used to it.

Inspector, I did mention my Dæmon a few times today. Any sound he makes immediately gets my attention. I love him like pancakes, always Echo.

Someday my life won’t need alarms. Will Finds That Alarming

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 161 ~Will Takes A Break~

Another week, another Christmas book, or more a novella. What am I taking a break from reading anything real? Says the man who’s been lost in Eric Vall’s novels? What else have I been doing besides sleeping, hmm? “Will Takes A Break,” again

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

Gospel 161 ~Will Takes A Break~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be “EVIL…” The other day I read something to the tune of a billionaire is like a dragon hoarding wealth. Add to my list of things to do; sleeping on a pile of money. That’s me taking a break. I only sleep. Don’t worry, Inspector Echo. If last night was any sign. When it comes to talking to you and the girls, I’m like Edward Cullen meets Bella Swan. We’ll get into books in a minute or later. It’s almost 6:00 PM, meaning it’s time for some Far Cry 5 and WWE.

Now I talked about the DRAGON and all, but here’s something else. Idle hands are the Devil’s playthings. Again I’m getting back into gaming because I have to give myself things to do. You must be thinking, “killing cultists?” Well, they ain’t MAGA hats, hmm? Okay, that was pretty dark but, don’t ask me to go darker. I still think about that book from K Webster from time to time. I imagine I would have liked such a thing once. For now, it creeps me out what occurred at the end. Oh, and the 2nd comes out in a month. I’m thankful I finished “Sinning The Cherry On Top,” but you don’t know what it’s like. I hate not working on it, and the conclusion, and then picking it up again. Once I thought it was the reason that I couldn’t get to bed at a decent time. So what did I do last night?

Well, I mean besides talking to Madam Justice and finally getting to bed around 4:00 AM? Let’s say starting that morning is a blur, and I literally can’t talk about it. Yet again, my Republican tendencies of knowing, wanting honesty, but I won’t utter anything. Sadly, I won’t be completing my Six Impossible Things. You can take your pick on the number except if it’s six. I’m reading another Christmas story, a novella. Inspector Echo, you can call me lazy for all the breaks I’ve been taking. Indulging within procrastination. Only now, I’m trying to hide away from life, from knowing right and wrong. And of course, from the Day Job that breaks me more than anything and yet I go don’t I, my schedule.

A lucky break ain’t coming, and I’m sorry I believed such. Will Takes A Break

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

People crying for money, laughing at me, and I’m sure some Trump supporters are out of relief. Sometimes I feel like tearing up, but there is something else coming out of my eyes, and that’s fear of uncertainty. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds

Monday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

Hundred And Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford to get medical care like Trump. I’ll never have to hear that humming in the house ever again (yes, it has returned). How about we finish our conversation before wrestling comes on. I’m about to start sounding like Georgina from the movie Get Out. I don’t have the plague, Madam Justice. My nose is acting kind of funny, that’s all. Damn, that humming ended, I don’t know when and has started back today. We’ll still be talking when it’s time for WWE.

Now, Madam Justice, you know how I talk about FEAR, but doubt is a relative. Hell, let’s talk about the Day Job’s humiliation. I tried hanging up those doggy sweaters, got scared, and left them. So yeah, the new guy put them up no problem, and I looked SIGH, STUPID. When I came back to the house, I was all in reading the latest novel, and knowing me, all I wanted to do was fall asleep. Not because it’s terrible, but that’s what I do? Am I tired? I have another word for it, Madam Justice. If anything, I’m damn lazy, slothful, good for nothing. What about my OCD over everything? Oh, I do mean everything. I had a plan this afternoon that got spoiled because some lady was outside Walmart, begging for money. Afterward, I’m sitting there doubting I have cash for ranch wings.

That’s why I’m sitting on the sofa, lying in bed, hell, staring at my phone in a parked car. It’s like floating, you know. Madam Justice, I can’t swim, and I literally can’t float in a pool. Only when I’m right here, in bed, or a zombie, I’m keeping my head above water just so. Every day I’m fighting like crazy and then wonder why I’m going mad with a straight face. I read about this torture, where a drop of water to the temple continuously will get that result. Yet I continue to sit or lie, and I keep breathing, but how much longer? I don’t mean to sound so dark. Notice what I’m not talking about… I have such a good joke, but no. I doubt my resolve, along with everything else in my life. Has the humming stopped, or have I stopped worrying about it right now?

Sweat, blood, tears, sloppy writing. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 089 ~Guilt Is A Fine Poison~

There are things a lot worse than death. Okay, not many, but if I ever get busted, I hear Mexico is fine this time of the year, and if Trump gets reelected. At least I take the blame, but the question is, what have you got, hm? Guilt Is A Fine Poison

Monday, September 28, 2020

Gospel 089 ~Guilt Is A Fine Poison~

Hundred And Fifty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I either have or as the song goes. “There have been times I find myself thinking of committing some dreadful crime.” Oh, the secrets untold in the universe, should I acquire such wealth. I tell you, Madam Justice, I need to get some black heroes one of these days. Anyway, as one white man said, if he won the lottery, it would be a bunch of hookers and cocaine. How about the concept of Disregard Females, Acquire Currency? That explains why I’m not napping. Guilt?

Hell, if we were talking only today, sigh, I woke up at 2:30 AM to write or read. Um, well, you know what I did. I went right back to sleep until I got up for the Day Job. It’s funny. I never find guilt in going to Hell but only along the path of paradise, which is my writing. While there, of course, everybody looks at me like I’m STUPID (shudders). Even with all the RAGE coursing through me, it’s as if I’m not working hard enough, ever. I’m mad that I was a minute late, but you know how it is. ANXIETY. One more reason I’m awake now. What about the fact that I sort of had to blow M. Anime off? I was working, but she’s one of my few remaining friends. I expect soon MILF Dos will find the loophole and block me. I’m not stalking her, but that right there makes me guilty. Damn Instagram!

In one way, I’m like Akon singing out, “You can put the blame on me.” As always, I never want to Hurt Somebody. I fuck up with women, a lot and I can pretty much suss out why; pardon my language. Still, I wish I could get them all in a room and have explanations. Probably less likely I could play Rag’ n’Bone Man. “I’m only human after all, Don’t put your blame on me.” Have you noticed I haven’t mentioned Pinterest lately, and even Whisper is starting to act funny? I’m a man Madam Justice, never hinted being any good. So you can hate me now or like when I look at my Dæmon. Sorry, but the streets too hot, it’s freezing or “Blame It On The Rain,” yeah.

Yeah, GUILT doesn’t kill me. It keeps me from Hell. Guilt Is A Fine Poison.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 082 ~Do, There Is No Try~

Star Wars is always good for wisdom, but it doesn’t help if I don’t take it in. Maybe if I was getting paid pittance for it, but I’ve had my blog for four years, and I take comfort in it. The Day Job for nine years, and I hate it. Do, There Is No Try

Monday, September 21, 2020

Gospel 082 ~Do, There Is No Try~

Hundred And Fifty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that enough to invest in Disney? Madam Justice, I have so many reservations. More like I misspelled the word excuses. At this particular moment in time (Time-Travel), I’m pretty damn motivated. Do you remember how I said earlier this morning (Sunday) I wanted to take another nap? Well, since I was busy trying to save my porno stash. Also, I’m making room for more… @QOCWorkblog, Alice Little, more Tifa Lockhart. Now how am I so clear when it comes to that, besides being a guy.

When it comes to writing, here I am. All it took was one girl calling me skeevy, which morphed into a going on now; four-year blog. It was never trying with writing. It’s what I am, but I didn’t talk to Lady Lu forever. Regardless of everything else, writing’s me. Madam Justice, to my left, lies the Dæmon. Now my views on love… damn but with him, food, water, attention, comfy spots. Am I a good father? It’s why I fail every week because I want to be. So what about his chip, his nails? He could use a bath. Only no, and why not? Again am I being a better man. I’m still thinking about my Six Impossible Things. I’m motivated, but every moment is a struggle to not look at something more ADULT, and in that, I have failed. It’s been two days.

While I was waiting for updates, I was on my phone looking up my lost Pinterest boards. I’m not going back but tell that to Dear Future Wife. I lost everything, so that includes Looking For My Swirl, so finding pictures? Of course, I will, but it will be harder. Madam Justice, the dumbest thing, remains. I hate the Day Job, but there is no trying there, I do. Everything I want out of life is trying but as the song questions. “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” Because I’m trying to have the existence everyone believes. Impossible, Immoral, Insane, are the words I use for everything I want. Master Yoda said Luke was too old. It’s been about two weeks since Existence Day, but I’ve wanted to be someone else or not be here for years.

A scary thought, but I’m not there yet with Depression. Being me, I must do. Do, There Is No Try.

I Will Have No Fear