Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

People crying for money, laughing at me, and I’m sure some Trump supporters are out of relief. Sometimes I feel like tearing up, but there is something else coming out of my eyes, and that’s fear of uncertainty. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds

Monday, October 6, 2020

Gospel 096 ~Doubt Drips And Floods Minds~

Hundred And Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford to get medical care like Trump. I’ll never have to hear that humming in the house ever again (yes, it has returned). How about we finish our conversation before wrestling comes on. I’m about to start sounding like Georgina from the movie Get Out. I don’t have the plague, Madam Justice. My nose is acting kind of funny, that’s all. Damn, that humming ended, I don’t know when and has started back today. We’ll still be talking when it’s time for WWE.

Now, Madam Justice, you know how I talk about FEAR, but doubt is a relative. Hell, let’s talk about the Day Job’s humiliation. I tried hanging up those doggy sweaters, got scared, and left them. So yeah, the new guy put them up no problem, and I looked SIGH, STUPID. When I came back to the house, I was all in reading the latest novel, and knowing me, all I wanted to do was fall asleep. Not because it’s terrible, but that’s what I do? Am I tired? I have another word for it, Madam Justice. If anything, I’m damn lazy, slothful, good for nothing. What about my OCD over everything? Oh, I do mean everything. I had a plan this afternoon that got spoiled because some lady was outside Walmart, begging for money. Afterward, I’m sitting there doubting I have cash for ranch wings.

That’s why I’m sitting on the sofa, lying in bed, hell, staring at my phone in a parked car. It’s like floating, you know. Madam Justice, I can’t swim, and I literally can’t float in a pool. Only when I’m right here, in bed, or a zombie, I’m keeping my head above water just so. Every day I’m fighting like crazy and then wonder why I’m going mad with a straight face. I read about this torture, where a drop of water to the temple continuously will get that result. Yet I continue to sit or lie, and I keep breathing, but how much longer? I don’t mean to sound so dark. Notice what I’m not talking about… I have such a good joke, but no. I doubt my resolve, along with everything else in my life. Has the humming stopped, or have I stopped worrying about it right now?

Sweat, blood, tears, sloppy writing. Doubt Drips And Floods Minds.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 089 ~Guilt Is A Fine Poison~

There are things a lot worse than death. Okay, not many, but if I ever get busted, I hear Mexico is fine this time of the year, and if Trump gets reelected. At least I take the blame, but the question is, what have you got, hm? Guilt Is A Fine Poison

Monday, September 28, 2020

Gospel 089 ~Guilt Is A Fine Poison~

Hundred And Fifty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I either have or as the song goes. “There have been times I find myself thinking of committing some dreadful crime.” Oh, the secrets untold in the universe, should I acquire such wealth. I tell you, Madam Justice, I need to get some black heroes one of these days. Anyway, as one white man said, if he won the lottery, it would be a bunch of hookers and cocaine. How about the concept of Disregard Females, Acquire Currency? That explains why I’m not napping. Guilt?

Hell, if we were talking only today, sigh, I woke up at 2:30 AM to write or read. Um, well, you know what I did. I went right back to sleep until I got up for the Day Job. It’s funny. I never find guilt in going to Hell but only along the path of paradise, which is my writing. While there, of course, everybody looks at me like I’m STUPID (shudders). Even with all the RAGE coursing through me, it’s as if I’m not working hard enough, ever. I’m mad that I was a minute late, but you know how it is. ANXIETY. One more reason I’m awake now. What about the fact that I sort of had to blow M. Anime off? I was working, but she’s one of my few remaining friends. I expect soon MILF Dos will find the loophole and block me. I’m not stalking her, but that right there makes me guilty. Damn Instagram!

In one way, I’m like Akon singing out, “You can put the blame on me.” As always, I never want to Hurt Somebody. I fuck up with women, a lot and I can pretty much suss out why; pardon my language. Still, I wish I could get them all in a room and have explanations. Probably less likely I could play Rag’ n’Bone Man. “I’m only human after all, Don’t put your blame on me.” Have you noticed I haven’t mentioned Pinterest lately, and even Whisper is starting to act funny? I’m a man Madam Justice, never hinted being any good. So you can hate me now or like when I look at my Dæmon. Sorry, but the streets too hot, it’s freezing or “Blame It On The Rain,” yeah.

Yeah, GUILT doesn’t kill me. It keeps me from Hell. Guilt Is A Fine Poison.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 082 ~Do, There Is No Try~

Star Wars is always good for wisdom, but it doesn’t help if I don’t take it in. Maybe if I was getting paid pittance for it, but I’ve had my blog for four years, and I take comfort in it. The Day Job for nine years, and I hate it. Do, There Is No Try

Monday, September 21, 2020

Gospel 082 ~Do, There Is No Try~

Hundred And Fifty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that enough to invest in Disney? Madam Justice, I have so many reservations. More like I misspelled the word excuses. At this particular moment in time (Time-Travel), I’m pretty damn motivated. Do you remember how I said earlier this morning (Sunday) I wanted to take another nap? Well, since I was busy trying to save my porno stash. Also, I’m making room for more… @QOCWorkblog, Alice Little, more Tifa Lockhart. Now how am I so clear when it comes to that, besides being a guy.

When it comes to writing, here I am. All it took was one girl calling me skeevy, which morphed into a going on now; four-year blog. It was never trying with writing. It’s what I am, but I didn’t talk to Lady Lu forever. Regardless of everything else, writing’s me. Madam Justice, to my left, lies the Dæmon. Now my views on love… damn but with him, food, water, attention, comfy spots. Am I a good father? It’s why I fail every week because I want to be. So what about his chip, his nails? He could use a bath. Only no, and why not? Again am I being a better man. I’m still thinking about my Six Impossible Things. I’m motivated, but every moment is a struggle to not look at something more ADULT, and in that, I have failed. It’s been two days.

While I was waiting for updates, I was on my phone looking up my lost Pinterest boards. I’m not going back but tell that to Dear Future Wife. I lost everything, so that includes Looking For My Swirl, so finding pictures? Of course, I will, but it will be harder. Madam Justice, the dumbest thing, remains. I hate the Day Job, but there is no trying there, I do. Everything I want out of life is trying but as the song questions. “Why do the things I hate come so naturally?” Because I’m trying to have the existence everyone believes. Impossible, Immoral, Insane, are the words I use for everything I want. Master Yoda said Luke was too old. It’s been about two weeks since Existence Day, but I’ve wanted to be someone else or not be here for years.

A scary thought, but I’m not there yet with Depression. Being me, I must do. Do, There Is No Try.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 075 ~No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly

When I was a kid, the big thing was “Just Say No” to drugs, and as I grew older, everyone is trying to get you on something. If anything, I say no to myself all the time, but when it comes to everyone else? No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly

Monday, September 14, 2020

Gospel 075 ~No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly

Hundred And Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may that be one day be because of you. First off, welcome back, Madam Justice. Existence Day is now over and done with, and I am now one week into thirty-six. A part of me would like to scream out, much like Luke Skywalker, “No. No. That’s not true. That’s impossible!” My how the time flies, I tell ya. Speaking of time, no, I didn’t get up at 4:00 AM on one of my days off, but here we are. No, I’m not trying to do better because I’m asleep again when I acknowledge it aloud.

Look at me, destroying my point already. To this day, Madam Justice, I still feel guilty when I tell the Day Job no. I excuse myself by saying I get no respect there, which is true. Of course, there is always fear, and that is something I can never say no to with everything. How about my newest obsession, which I hope you will allow me to work on some, while we have our chat. What are you going to tell me, no? Madam Justice, I’d love for a girl to Just Say No, bye, and let’s not start with creepy or SKEEVE (shudders). No, is so small, hm? Yet the damage it can cause and how I understand more than most the power of words. Is this the reason I say no to my destiny? I’m going to be saying no today, considering everything that I have to do. Sunrise is at 6:30, and yes, I dicked around on my phone for about an hour. Pardon my language, which is another thing. I can’t say no to speaking evil about myself. However, working on my About Me page well:

“Hey, you ain’t never had a Friend Like Me. While this might not be Disney, depending on your taste. What are the odds you’ve ever met an African-American erotic writer who’s a guy and into the end of the world? My heroines are never that heroic, and my endings are “happyish.” I’m an open book, or I hope to be someday. I’m always looking to expand into other forms of adult entertainment. Manuscripts, models, and movies. Looking to make money and memories with mammaries, bazongas, yabbos. Down with black and white and not only paper.”

What do you think, Madam Justice? “Yes, no, maybe, I don’t know,” as the song goes. Well, it’s not what you were expecting, and I apologize. No, you’re not Inspector Echo but again, if some “people” would tell me NO. One of the reasons I look at myself as being so scary. Also, I’m terrified of the word when it comes out of my mouth. Better a slow yes than a fast no, I heard someone say. Either way, Madam Justice, I wish I could choose to be brave, but no, right? Yes, I’ll be afraid, yes I’ll go to the Day Job, and yes I’ll get this done but…

No Doesn’t Make You Cowardly.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 070 ~Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills~

What do you want to be when you grow up? I could have given you a million answers when I was a kid. Now I usually stick to three, and I’m not close to any of them, to be honest, considering the Day Job. Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills um…

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

Gospel 070 ~Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have so many nice soft beds to choose from. Why aren’t I in bed now? Inspector Echo, I worked an eight-hour shift at a place I hate. Hell, I huffed and puffed, I was humiliated, and there’s still so much hatred. Yeah, somebody should have told four-year-old or maybe five-year-old me to try harder. Here we are, two days after “Existence Day,” and I ask myself while listening to “Hurt” and motivations. What have I become? Writer, Adult Movie Director, Brothel Owner?

How am I still so ashamed? Inspector Echo, again I face embarrassment at the Day Job. “You wake up one morning, and half your life is gone,” as the song goes. I can tell you I never thought um (What’s My Age Again) I’d be in retail. Books, Broadband, Broads? Well, Inspector, I wouldn’t be opposed to selling those things. I mean no disrespect; they sell a service. For the longest time, I’ve been saying I’m going to publish my books. I don’t know how many I’ve written for NaNoWriMo. Then there’s The Passion Network. Showtime, maybe Cinemax, those were the days, Inspector Echo. Only for now, “I’m a Subscriber.” Yes, I could tell you all about being a member of several OnlyFans and SubscribeStar. Or even another “modeling” site.

Anyway, I joined up somewhere else that I won’t mention. I keep coming back to shame. I’m not ashamed to say I “write” Erotic Fiction. I can say the word Pornographer because it beats what I’m doing now. Dennis Hof is my idol R.I.P. to such an extraordinary lifestyle. When I was but a child, I wanted to be everything from living life as a swordsman to an astronaut. I wanted to serve the U.S.A. as a fighter pilot; then, I wanted to be a war journalist. There was a time that Journalism was my major. Pen, Paper, Photos, Pens, Pussy. Wickedness Inspector Echo, excuse my language. Oh, stop me before I sound like Trump. Person, woman, man, camera, T.V. Now I swear that Grammarly won’t note that sentence, Inspector.

I have dreams that I have to make real and the idea that I haven’t by this point? Yes, I am so sorry, and I haven’t fallen asleep yet, but what have I accomplished? At what time did I get back? Four, Five, Sixty-Nine Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 061 ~What If Once Isn’t Enough~

Someone said, “I’ll try anything once” now, I can’t say I exactly live by that myself, but if I strike out three times, I’ll walk away. Yes, says that man that is going on ten attempts and around 36 days come… um, nevermind. What If Once Isn’t Enough

Monday, August 31, 2020

Gospel 061 ~What If Once Isn’t Enough~

Hundred And Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I would never spend a dime on baseball. Nor would I pay anything for basketball, football, soccer, and the list goes on. Sure, I like nachos and a well-cooked hotdog, peanuts, and Icees, but I hate sports. Not all sorts, mind you. There are no Olympics this year, and I paused wrestling for our chat. Now I love movies. I went to see Black Panther at least four times. Yes, still thinking about Chadwick Boseman. Back to something HAPPY … Yabbos.

Wait, we’re not supposed to be speaking about those. Didn’t I say something about learning my lesson? Of course, you know I’ll talk about Yabbos forever, but HUT ONE, HUT TWO, HUT THREE, HUT! Yes, I know the difference between baseball and football, but I prefer music. Shame on a Nigga by the Wu-Tang Clan to be specific. Anyway, my point is I fucked up (pardon my language), and I’m not going for four. Only I want to Madam Justice. I continue to lose friends left and right like something off that movie Unfriended. I give myself too much credit that I could be a good man, but here I am, an open book. The battle cry of say his or her name and I don’t speak ill of the dead. If I talk to the living, I would be a horrible person once again.

Here I am talking about screwing up for the fourth time, but my madness and rage are constant. Fire is the only thing getting me through the Day Job because my fear threatens to overflow. How is it that I walk into Hell again and again, and I swear I know it? It’s like choosing to FAP with the knowledge of what I will feel afterward. Yeah, even now, before speaking to you, I was looking for Ariella Ferrera. A reminder of you know who as Momokun is of Cherry. As far as Milf Tres goes, now she was the easiest to forget, I admit.

“The Day” is almost here, and how many times has it been 36? Hell, how have I ever made it this long? Of course, each year, The Day shows that I must like something about this place but what hmm?

Yabbos seeing them again, but what is the meaning of life? Seek out a kingdom, make god bleed, love Madam? What If Once Isn’t Enough?

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 040 ~Sometimes The Words Are WTF~

I’ve never been one for swearing, but I promise you not a day goes by that I don’t mutter WTF at the smallest to the hugest things like a few minutes ago. “Sometimes The Words Are WTF,” and sometimes it’s best not to say anything at all now

Monday, August 10, 2020

Gospel 040 ~Sometimes The Words Are WTF~

Hundred And Forty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that in and of itself is the concept of WTF. Hell, if you told me when I was a child, I would be right here, SIGH. I don’t want to be a downer Madam Justice but if I only knew… Well, WTF, I’m trying to explain.

As the song goes, “I Feel STUPID.” Take the everyday mundane, like the General Manager running the truck crew. She didn’t remember how to anymore, and there I stood knowing everything. What about the time I wanted to take control of the speaker and play music? Speaking of play, MILF Tres, aka Special K. Every morning I tell her hello, every night I send her a poem from GULP. Now the girl has every reason to ignore me. I checked in on MILF Dos, once or twice, and she blocked me. Should I continue saying, Hi? There’s also the fact that I’m up. Am I talking to you, instead of crawling back into my bed? Is it the fact that I got very close to getting six hours last night? You could call it my envy that I saw Katie o’ Shaughnessy from Youtube getting free stuff from Skybound, WTF.

Yeah, and just like that Madam Justice, I’m turned on. Not only by her but Indiana Evans (Blue Lagoon: The Awakening). Let’s also throw in Sofia Kasuli (Teen Starlet) thank you. Now when I get to “make love” to beautiful women like them, then WTF is this real life? When/If I ever publish one of my many books and start to make some real money? What would it be like to never be scared of walking into the Day Job again because I can leave? Who would I be if I could pay my parents off and say after, “I don’t ever want to see you again?” Of course, I have to turn it right back around to women again. Can I ever say WTF, I’m in love? Yet what would get me, is some girl telling me that she’s in love with the man I see in the mirror every day. Can’t say I know the feeling at all.

A few minutes ago, I told myself I would be reading now. I can commit to the Day Job but to keep a promise to myself or My Dæmon SIGH. Sometimes The Words Are WTF.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 028 ~There’s Yabbos Then Will~

Is it an insult to talk about Yabbos, I mean sure I could say something about eyes and I would kill for a girl to tell me I’m brilliant or I have an enormous… what you’ve never heard of Da Vinci’s Notebook, ha. There’s Yabbos Then Will

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Gospel 028 ~There’s Yabbos Then Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’m not STUPID. Inspector Echo, I am sorry about using that word. STUPID is the ugliest word that I know next to SKEEVY. Now no doubt, I’m SKEEVY Inspector Echo, and I wish I could go more into that subject. Tonight I wanted to talk about how I’m enjoying the plague era. Yes, I’m still waiting on zombies, but no, I’m not celebrating death. All my motivations and self-help pretty much say the following, you reap what you sow. I predicted this week would be Hell, so here we go.

Let’s start with the obvious Inspector Echo. I LOVE YABBOS. Somehow not all Yabbos. There are those that I like a lot. The ones that get me are those I feel somewhat of an attachment to. While I was at the Day Job for what sin I have yet to suss out, I started thinking about what else Yabbos. Do you know how much cash I’ve spent on Yabbos over a year? Yabbos that I’ve never seen. Wanted to see more of, will never see. $450, that’s between Alice Little, some bitch that scammed me, and MILF Dos. Yet every day, it’s a struggle of offering $500 to see either MILF Dos’s or Cherry’s Yabbos. Hell, how much have I spent on Yabbos that delivered? I have no idea Inspector but Is It A Crime Sade. I use to think paying for porn was when it’s freaking free everywhere always.

Now I respect artists. Now don’t laugh Inspector Echo but I respect women too. Only I don’t respect myself, which brings me to the second part of today. The worst part about me is not that I’m afraid all the time. What Hurts The Most (thank you Rascal Flatts) is this. I don’t want to be STUPID. Have you ever napped so good that you forget what day it is, what time and everything in-between? Yeah, I wasted another three hours of my life sleeping and when I woke up well… I saw the soft light outside, saw the time and thought I was late to the Day Job. The workplace I hate where I’m treated like the STUPIDEST person in all creation, I mustn’t be late for that. Who am I kidding, I’m pissed I wasted 500 Diamonds on what else Valkyrie’s Yabbos ha.

Yep, There’s Yabbos Then Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 021 ~Will Knows His Writes~

I don’t think I offended anybody tonight or more like this morning. That is unless Cherry or a few other ladies suddenly take an interest in Camp NaNoWriMo. Still, I clocked my 5000 words, counting this. Will Knows His Writes

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Gospel 021 ~Will Knows His Writes~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I am also becoming a night owl. How mad was I last night that I had zoned out? No real sleep, and by the time I realized I had been in some sort of fog, it was daylight already. My Dæmon was so confused, and what’s keeping me up, hmm?

For two nights straight, I have been working on “For A Fine, Cherry Spread.” 5000 words a day Inspector Echo, that’s what I promised myself, especially with the Day Job. Next week is going to be Hell, but let’s focus on this one. How about only tonight or this morning to be sure. Eric Thomas says something to the tune of AHEM, we don’t sleep when tired, we sleep when done. By the time we have our chat, I expect to see daylight again. I do all of this for a story that I’ll never publish, that pisses me off and punishes me. I told you it cost me my friendship with Cherry. Last night while procrastinating, I noticed I lost another friend. At least I haven’t been thinking much about MILF Dos lately. I’m into my fourth week of NO FAP (24 days, 7 hr, 1 min. 32 sec).

I would say this is a benefit, but again what’s it all for? So that I can lie to Camp NaNoWriMo? I lied about those days I clocked in 100 words because I wanted my badges. Tonight I told them I wrote 4600 words. Yes, I did Inspector Echo, but I only had 4000 before midnight, so I added 600, which explains why I’m late talking to you. I have to catch up. On Thursday, which it is now, I should have 37,099 words. As it stands, I have 33,400. Nobody would know or care if I gave up or cheated through creation. Only like Inky Johnson, I can’t cheat. I just admitted to doing that? 100 words, no writing. Writing 600 more past midnight?

I walked out on the Day Job this week, so I won’t be working for or writing a paycheck next week. Inspector Echo, that’s not my story. Sometime this afternoon, I got jealous of Eric Vall. He’s on “Succubus Lord 16” on top of everything else he’s written, but I know my lane, don’t I?

I’m sorry, but I’m writing regardless. Will Knows His Writes.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 348 ~Don’t Be WEEK Will~

It’s times like these I tell myself, I’m going to do better. I have an entire week to do what I love, and that’s writing or do I want to go back to the Day Job and “Home & Kids” (shudders). Don’t Be WEEK Will but more like bright future whoever.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Log 348 ~Don’t Be WEEK Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I shouldn’t be WEAK, right? All this past WEEK, I’ve woken up at 4 AM, survived the world I was given. Hell, I still have the Day Job. Should I mention every slight, sin, and sorry not sorry I’ve had to contend with? If anything, now is the time for strength, to speak, and yes for Team Skeet, AHEM Alex Tanner “My Sister Is A H*e.” If I were a better man, well, no, a Christian, I would be praying for my friend right now. If but to share good vibes and positive thoughts, right?

What about me, though, and my selfishness? Yeah, this talk is brought to you by the letter S. The fact right now that I want to be WEAK this minute and go back to sleep. I want to sin right now and give into lust. I want to say hello and help my friend, but I’m afraid. You know what scared me the most, though during this week… looking STUPID. I still hate saying that word, and right now, I should be feeling super. All I am now is sticky. Relax Lady Lu, I spilled a soda and didn’t shower after, only changed my clothes.

Something I won’t be doing a lot of this coming WEEK as I checked my Day Job schedule. I don’t want to be every other week Will. I have seven days and not like when I’m there, trying to make it only another day. Okay, the question becomes, what am I going to do with them. I should say something to my friend. I’m still no saint, but I’ve spent 24 days, not playing Shaft if you know what I mean. Some might say I should seek salvation, or should I trust that my story will save me these days.

Tomorrow I will tell myself to be better. Yeah, then I’ll do something silly instead of singing, “I can’t live my life This Way.” What about my son? I should get up right now and walk in the sunshine because, how long has this conversation taken. Oh, you mean between looking up porn and song lyrics. Wanting to be a saint but living as a sinner. I’m seeing the destruction of the country as I’m surfing YouTube as per usual.

I say, don’t be weak. Will, Don’t Be WEEK Will.

I Will Have No Fear